STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HEART BROKEN
Hi Stella. It's been a while since i wrote in. I'm a bit messed up right now; can't focus for long, can't stop tears from flowing intermittently. I really got my heart broken this time.
I had this male friend for years. We went to medical school together. We spent time studying together and grew to doing everything together. He fell for me first. But he never really got around to telling me. When i finally realised we had feelings for each other, i wanted us to take it seriously. But he kept dragging his feet. He said we should wait till we got out of school, which made me uneasy. We became unofficial lovers, and i didn't really understand why.
After sometime, i told him if he wasn't going to make us defined, i was going to get close to other people. At that point, he became really jealous. He got all over me and was always in my space. He was practically all obsessed with me at that point, and i took it as he loved and wanted me so much.
Fast forward to years after school, we finally got to be in an official relationship. And suddenly he withdrew his affection and attention. I became the one demanding for attention. The tables turned badly and i could hardly believe it.
How does someone chase you so long only to act up when you give in? Worse still, this was my best friend that i thought i knew more than anybody in the whole world. I got emotionally frustrated. Till we finally had a small issue which escalated into him saying we should just be friends. That his family doesn't want him to marry a fellow doctor anyway. And he doesn't see where the relationship will go. This is someone who emotionally frustrated me first.
I can't describe the massive hurt that i feel. I can't describe the betrayal i feel at being abandoned. I can't even understand how i got to this point. You read things like this all the time, but you never imagine it can actually happen to you. I've been severely burnt. Now i know that obsession is not love at all.
I can't describe the massive hurt that i feel. I can't describe the betrayal i feel at being abandoned. I can't even understand how i got to this point. You read things like this all the time, but you never imagine it can actually happen to you. I've been severely burnt. Now i know that obsession is not love at all.
I don't know how to move on from this. Going to work is a drag. Worst thing is, we work at the same centre because i wanted to be closer to him. Stupid is an understatement for how i feel.
Everyone says give it time. But with time, it keeps eating me up. I had this dream of how we would both be married as doctors and live happily, and thought he had same. I didn't deserve this. Not after all we went through together. But nothing means anything now. I got betrayed by a friend and lover, and he couldn't care less. How do i trust anyone again? How do i move on??
Everytime it feels like it's getting better, it stings all over again. How did i get to this point because i made the decision to love? This has been like a sick movie. My whole mind is shattered.
Everyone says give it time. But with time, it keeps eating me up. I had this dream of how we would both be married as doctors and live happily, and thought he had same. I didn't deserve this. Not after all we went through together. But nothing means anything now. I got betrayed by a friend and lover, and he couldn't care less. How do i trust anyone again? How do i move on??
Everytime it feels like it's getting better, it stings all over again. How did i get to this point because i made the decision to love? This has been like a sick movie. My whole mind is shattered.
*First thing.........Can you change where you work?can you get a job somewhere else?that would be the first step to healing...the less you see of him,the better for you....Try it!!!
Everyone or rather most people have been heartbroken at one time or the other and we all survived it...you will survive it and come out stronger and when you remember you will only refer to it as a bad movie..
Move on and dont think of giving him a second chance...I say this because they always come back,either before they marry someone else or after...Most times they come back because they cant stand to see you love someone else they way you loved them...Move on sweetie.
You’re a medical doctor and you allow a boy that has never been serious from the onset mess you up like tš³ don’t sha go and give people wrong prescription. You are a quality that deserves better. You will be fine darling
ReplyDeletePoster sorry this happened to you, take heart nne.
DeleteI watched one Steve Harvey clip where they said dont allow a guy to tell you twice that he doesn't want you.
Other BVs make una shine una eyes ooo to avoid similar issues.
Another girl is in the picture. That's how we start acting up when we have someone new and don't know how to breakup with our old gf. We keep bringing issues until we frustrate the relationship and move on
DeleteWhen a guy isn't into you, don't force it
DeleteMy dear move on
Lol @wrong prescription
DeleteAnon 15:35 thank you for being honest, poster you'll survive,but as Stella mentioned, DONT GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE,WHEN HE COMES BACK cos he'll certainly do,sorry,you'll be fine
DeleteI remember my 1st heartbreak. I cried my eyes out! Took me months to heal. Thought rapture happened because I couldn't imagine life without him then. He was like my everything. But here I am today, can't even remember what he looks like so much (not literally). But I just don't know how everything about him vanished from my thoughts! Thoughts of him feels like nothing and I am glad I didn't marry him!
DeleteYou will so forget this thing later on! Friendship turn relationship doesn't always work well too. Did that one later on too and it boomed in my face. Cried too but e no reach no 1.
You will be fine
I thought female doctors were hot cake and don't have relationship wahala.Ehyaaa.Sorry.
DeleteI'm so sorry dear
ReplyDeleteTrust me you will be fine eventually
Most of us have been there at one point or the other
Jums
Cut off all communication with him
DeleteHe wants a best friend without strings
Abeg cut off for your own sanity, get a new job, change your address if possible.
Just fall off the grid when it comes to him.
You need time to heal, and it's entirely painful cus he was your best friend and you don't have anyone to share this pain with. You will be fine.
Changing your work place will help a great deal. If it's possible, please change it as soon as possible. Block him everywhere. You'll be fine.
DeleteSorry
Sorry dear that you feel this way however I will be frank with you: You forced the relationship with him..Inasmuch as it is good to marry your best friend and someone who understands you through and through but there are certain people in your life who are best described as ''Friends, Acquittances, Padi'' and nothing more..I don't see any betrayal..He saw it as ok since this how you want it, then I will turn the table...You cajoled him by saying ''I want to meet other men if you can't say what we are''..NO! NO! You don't go that route at all..If he cannot use his mouth to tell you how he feels, then you should have listen to other men that were seeking your attention..I keep saying it here ''Love is a bird, she needs to fly'' and let the love that you seek find you..Wipe your tears and allow true love find you...All the best..
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it Phoenix. Some relationships are better left in the friend zone. He was never in love with you. First solution, like Stella said, if you can change your work place, do. The less you see of him, the better for you.
DeleteI don't see Any betrayal here oo. He liked you, but never wanted a relationship, yet you pushed for it. This dude was never into you, you read army green and lemon green signs all by yourself. Allow the poor boy be. I'm sure you follow bash ozo , when you're worse
ReplyDeleteObviously you lack comprehension. The guy was the one obsessed with her before she gave in.
DeleteObviously you lack comprehension. The guy was the one obsessed with her before she gave in.
DeleteOzo, he liked her abi obsessed with her but he never officially asked her out. Na so una dey obsess for una village?.
DeleteIf you like continue supplying P to anyone that applies nonsense pressure on you. Na you go still cry.
Obsession wey dem no dey define . Lmao.
Wahala for who no get sense oo
She didn’t have to give in just because he was obsessed na...the guy never said he was obsessed oh she Reached that conclusion all by herself and how can an obsessed person get over you do quickly? Friends always end up catching feeling but you mustn’t act on it
DeleteObsessed fire, hahaha women with light brain. Who told ya d guy was obsessed? Or she concluded he was when he was just gunning for d P.
DeleteWell, even well-defined relationships do end. Mine was sooo defined, I was asked out and proposed to.. engagement level sef and we still broke up. Poster, almost ever human being will go through heartbreaks or low moments. It's how you deal with it that matters.
DeletePoster take heart. It seems like he was just using style to enjoy free p. Men don't have to love you to enjoy the p. Anyway the earlier you move on the better. Try to avoid him as much as you can and continue with your normal life. Try to see the glass half full, that it is better things ended now than be hurt after marriage. Try to let go of the dream you had and focus more on the purpose of your life. Trust me, better things are in store for you.
DeleteI forgot to add, that you were just friends with benefits and you were supplying free P. Dont ever make the mistake of doing that again. If he even deceived you, I for understand oo
ReplyDeleteSo much empathize with you in this plight.
ReplyDeleteI did not see "lovers" here. You defined it well initially "obsession."
You were just friends. And if there was not "benefits" attached at any point, it will be easier to move on.
A man who loved you will not chant about "his family doesn't want you bla bla bla..."
He just couldn't man up to his masculinity.
Now, I don't know heartbreak from losing a "lover" (in your case, an obsessed dude) but I know what it feels like losing a loved one to death.
The only thing I did not see in your
narration is the place of God, Jesus in your life and relationships. I have always said it based on experience and Scriptures I know, that if you make Jesus your first relationship, he will save you a lot of sorrows. He did that for me.
Even now, instead of mourning this dude, bring Jesus into your life and begin to find solace in his teachings
in the New Testament. You will surely overcome this dear and look back never to regret this dude going away
from you. He said in Rom. 8:28 works that in all things he works for the good of those that Love him...do you love him?
ššššššš¤š¤š¤š¤š¤š¤š¤š¤š¤š¤š¤
I love your advice, compassionate and full of wisdom. Poster take this advice.
DeleteBreak up from friendships could hurt too, I guess that's why she feels betrayed.
DeleteThat's why she needs to change her job before anger and betrayal turns into hate
ANG the love of God shine through this your comment.šššš
DeleteUsually, time heals... In my experience, making a conscious decision to let him completely go could help you see him for who he actually is and has been all along. I wish you healing.
ReplyDeleteheartbreak is soooo tough! but my dear you will in time get over it. what helped me was writing down my feelings in a journal every time I felt really down, sort of like you have done here. God will bless you with someone better hun, and you will be left saying thank God my ex ended it. better is indeed coming. sending you lots of love and praying for abundant grace for you.
ReplyDeleteRed flag number 1: whenever someone you are in a relationship wants to keep you and the relationship secret for whatever reason, that situationship isn’t dead on arrival. You are dating yourself and will move on whenever you wake up to reality.
ReplyDeleteRed flag number 2: whenever you have to ask someone to define a relationship they have with you, then you are just a friend with benefits and the situationship will end just like what it is, friends with benefit.
Red flag number 3. When they play bait and switch on you, then run. They lack conscience and are out to use you to the fullest using every weapon of manipulation n deceit.
Red flag number 4: whenever they ask that you go slow with the relationship, that situationship will slowly fizzle out.
Final red flag: when they tell you their parents don’t want them to marry you for any reason, they have had enough of you and wants to exit the situationship.
You should be happy you didn’t end up marrying and having kids for this narcissistic man, your life would be miserable. Now that the evil left, there will be room for a good man , just don’t unleash the anger you have for the evil man on the good man else you will lose the good man. Let karma pay him back in due time. MOVE TO ANOTHER HOSPITAL AND MOVE ON.
ššššš
Deletešššš
DeleteAway from this, an advice for ladies, do not make it sooo for a man to get you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you become cheap. In trying to proof so difficult for a man, if the man succeeds in making you his, often times the whole "energy" used in chasing drains the love in no distant time. If as a lady you are not into a man, cut the chase, don't indulge him in order to save you from future heartache.
DeleteAnon 16:58 I don't agree n u seem very naive. You know what really drains love? Being too easy, being argumentative, being disrespectful , being toxic n choking a man when he finally gives u a title. Men don't value what they get too easily. Either ur a guy trying to get women to lower their standards to make them easy food for you or ur a girl who has lowered hers. Then again there is nothing wrong in if a guy is chasing you, you give him green light to continue trying while making sure he respects ur boundaries. If a man gets tired of chasing a lady he will first of all go out n eat the easy pu$$. Low hanging fruit, men call it. But best believe he will tire of how easy that is as well n come back to try again to see whats up. As long as you have not opened leg for a man n he is attracted to you, he will try and try again to get you.when you tell a man "no" all he hears is "try later" or "try again" I call it as I see it.
DeleteRed flag no. 4 only applies to men. When a man, says that then yeah he ain't into you. Insert also "I'm not ready for a relationship " however it does not apply when a lady says it though. When I say I want to take things slow with a guy it means I'm trying to avoid being love bombed n catching feelings too fast n having sex too fast in case the guy turns out to be a narcissist. Tbh it also means I am considering other options n weighing to see who is better. It doesn't necessarily mean that rship with the guy will fizzle out. If he turns out to be the best option of all men then he wins
Deleteanon 16:58 how old are you? any man that chases a woman tirelessly only to exact revenge on her after getting her is not worth it jere. so that nullifies your argument right there
DeleteAnon 19:27,in as much as you have listed other factors, I'm speaking from a point of view neither did I say a woman should lower her standards, nah! A line has to be drawn, knowing when to cut loose and when to indulge. Make no mistake about it, men pride themselves whenever they succeed in cracking the toughest of all chase. It becomes, unto the next one. You ever wonder why men go the extreme once they decide to go after a lady. A real man, is one who puts all the urge under check. My opinion!
DeleteGive him space and watch him crave for your attention...for all I see here you need this energy, love n attention for yourself, I think u are choking him so let him be! Build your fragile heart for someone that deserves it and certainly not him
ReplyDeleteMy family doesn't want me to marry a fellow doctor'. That is so dumb! His family didn't tell him nothing. He's just not into you. Maybe he was but not anymore.Theres nothing you can do. Do not force it. It hurts because you truly love him but a time will come when it wont hurt so much and eventually when you find someone worthy of you, you will realise how silly this is. Be happy. Go out with friends, to the movies etc. Stop wasting these moments thinking of a guy who isn't for you. You will be fine.
ReplyDeleteTake Stella's advice and move on..
ReplyDeleteSorry for your heart but you will heal.
I want you to lock yourself up somewhere and cry out the pain. Cry till you have purge yourself of every pain inside. Its ok dear don't be embarrassed about it.
ReplyDeleteIf you love your job and love where you work, don't give him the satisfaction of making you lose another thing you love. Stay and do your job. Don't let his stupid ass distract you. If I were you I will advice you see him as a tree. I do that a lot and when I begin to see you as a tree my dear forget it, as it won't matter what you do afterwards, there is just no coming back from there. Be strong honey, like your friend said, give it time. You will be fine.
Sending love and hugs your way.
*tree*š³š¤£š¤£
DeleteMy dear friend, enough of the wallowing in self pity and give your self some self worth. If he doesn't want you,please don't make a big deal out of it. Give it a little bit of time and you will see yourself getting over him. Most times it's always like you can't do without them but my dear sister,soon you will look back and say,thank God i am where i am today. Trust me.
ReplyDeleteJust give it a little time.
My dear as Stella said, if you can change work place then do it...
ReplyDeleteBut if you are like me, take few weeks off and go on a holiday to clear your mind. During that time make sure you cry all the tears you have for him in the 1st week. Yes you must time yourself. Then go on and have fun, flirt with other people; please no sex. Make sure you have so much fun and tell yourself nothing will make you go back to him. Have your mind made up. Shop for new clothes and read books on how to regain your self confidence after break up. After the vacation, go back to work all bossy like the boss that you are and give him no attention at all. Infact be so confident in his face till he is frustrated and leave the job.
Move on please,no man deserve the heartache you're putting yourself through.
ReplyDeleteMove on please,no man deserve the heartache you're putting yourself through.
ReplyDeleteWill read comments,I believe I'm in the same situation....
ReplyDeletePoster, that guy was never in a relationship with you. You forced him to define a relationship that never existed.
ReplyDeletePlease, if you can work your transfer, do! Don't go and hurt yourself or him just because you're obsessed with him.
Let him be and live your life.
Sorry dear, cry all you want, but trust me, you will be fine, it won't be easy, but you will be fine and glad you never married him. Move on for your sanity.
ReplyDeleteDear poster,i sympathise with you,such is life.It won't be easy moving on but you have to try for your own good.You may feel you've invested a lot into the relationship and you nay not find another as "good" as him but believe me when i say your best is yet to come.Change your location and job if possible,you will heal.Focus on you,make yourself happy because your happiness is in your hands not in the hands of a mere mortal.You will get through this phase,you are beautiful,you are loved and when the right person comes,you will understand why this didn't work out.Sending you love and light ššš
ReplyDeleteSweetie I feel you need hugs right now so please receive it.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, give yourself time. You sound so desperate. You're wondering where you went wrong but listen, you did nothing wrong, he felt you where more of an obligation than a lover. He's a fool. One day you'll wake up and find inner strength and learn to love yourself again at that moment you'll know true love
Sweetie I feel you need hugs right now so please receive it.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, give yourself time. You sound so desperate. You're wondering where you went wrong but listen, you did nothing wrong, he felt you where more of an obligation than a lover. He's a fool. One day you'll wake up and find inner strength and learn to love yourself again at that moment you'll know true love
I will be honest with you. You’ve been dating yourself, the guy just wanted to have sex(it happens, I do it too) and you were catching feelings.
ReplyDeleteSomeone being all over you is not the same as stating that you should be exclusive and together, as women we usually know this but decide to act otherwise. A man that wants you shows it, he claims you in every legit way possible, they’re no half measures regarding this fact!
Grow some balls and do not quit your job for him except you are leaving to somewhere better. Take your L and learn from that experience and move on. No man is worth any mumu emotional pain, it will pass.
PS: sha don’t give him free sex when he gets bored and comes back.
Thank you. Someone is busy up there saying he was obsessed with her. Lmao. Person wey Konji hold will apply maximum pressure, but will never define anything
DeleteReasonable doubt...you gorrit....na den. D horny guy didnt wanna loose free power house.
DeleteYou know what? What you are going through doesn't even come close to what I went through. I get the whole best friend part. You will get over it if you want to. Purpose in your heart that you want to move on and you will in no time. It happens to even the hardest of us. You will be fine.
ReplyDeletePoster I like you already,if you can drop your contact with Stella,I will hook you up with my brother. He is a good guy though,he is in his late 30s but he didn’t go to school so you may know. Ndo for your pain.
ReplyDeleteYou try, person never heal you wan hook am up for your illiterate brother as you hear doctor. Poster skip this comment
DeleteTime heals the pain. Don't worry , you will be fine. Erase him from your mind, meditate and free up space to love another. Give it time nne.
ReplyDeleteYou will get over him even with him working in the same environment as you. Take your time, cry when you feel like it, talk to a friend when you are down, take yourself out when you want and party with yourself telling yourself it's ok to be hurt, you will heal and you will love again. Trust me.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest disservice you will do yourself is regret. Don't regret the failed relationship. Thank God for the opportunity, promise yourself to love again and if that does not work, you love again and again, why? Because you are a strong woman and not a coward to let them define or change you. Remain sweet and don't visit the disappointments of past relationships on the next one.
Meanwhile, don't attach too much to this body count thing like women always do. Men don't and that is why the move on faster. Body count don't mean anything and I realised it's just an instrument women use to frustrate and limit themselves. You are a doctor and must have spent most of your younger years studying. Try having fun this time. Throw a small house party, dance and scream away the alcohol and appreciate the gift of being young and single.
In absolute terms you are responsible for your heart break, you need to first accept this fact and make effort to forgive yourself. This is the only way you can truly heal. You cheapened yourself and allowed yourself to become a fuck mate to a friend who was not ready for a relationship.
ReplyDeleteYour attempt to intimidate him gave him the impression that you were going to stop the free sex. So he went all out for you, pretending to love when all he was after was your body.You failed to dignify yourself.
Don't change your place of work if the pay is good and there is job satisfaction. Time heals, block him in all social networks, block him from your thoughts . Do things that make you happy. Surround yourself with friends and families. Watch movies and read the Holy book. God bless
@ poster, pls don't allow what has happened to affect you, the truth is that man was never meant for you, Anybody that leaves you is not needed in your life and also not meant for your future. I had a girl I wanted to marry some years back and she left me, at that point, I was devastated but little did I know God has a better plan for me, today I am HAPPiLY married to the best, caring woman and God has blessed us with lovely children and i am enjoying peace in my marriage. Pls move on with your life, lastly continue to seek the face of God in prayer and trust Him for a better man. Remain blessed.
ReplyDeletePlease move on you're an asset and dont let anybody tell you otherwise. He will come back but please dont, I said dont accept him back. You will heal. Give it time and love will find you.
ReplyDeletePlease move on you're an asset and dont let anybody tell you otherwise. He will come back but please dont, I said dont accept him back. You will heal. Give it time and love will find you.
ReplyDeleteSorry to say but from the onset this man was never into you. U think u may have been making it up in your head. Alot of medical students n people in other studious fields seem to do this a lot in relationships because they have little time for social interactions so any small sign of social attention n they blow it out of proportion. Also little time to pick up on social cues. I suggest u move on from this guy who never was that into you to begin with n ask people to hook you up with plenty options on guys. That way u can get a feel of how guys are, how they operate and think and avoid any further disappointments
ReplyDeleteE-hugs poster, you will be fine. I once fell for a male bestie, and was so heartbroken when he got married. But Jesus in his mercy comforted me and my tears that night. Run to him and he will give you rest. No more close male friends for me, besides it always ends when they marry. I now build up my female friendships and we support each other. Also, let's realize that men reason and approach love very differently. So act like a lady but think like a man. Therefore, don't stay in a situation-ship for more than 3-4 months. If they haven't asked you out, made their intentions known, move on. But please if you love this job, don't leave the job for him jare. Brace up, thrive and win in your field, time heals all wounds.
ReplyDeleteNiB your comment sums it up - in love, ACT like a lady, THINK like a man.
DeleteDON'T STAY in a situation-ship for MORE than 3-4 MONTHS.
IF they HAVEN'T made their intentions known, MOVE ON.
Ladies, DON'T let any man WASTE YOUR TIME.❗
DON'T MARRY A GUY IN YOUR IMAGINATION when he has not proposed❗❗
Above all, give God first place, stay chaste.
*I think centuries of raising the girl-child with the DEFAULT MENTALITY of 'marriage-is-your-identity' incapacitates her*.
GIRLS, YOU ARE MADE FOR MORE! ✔️
Awww! I'm so sorry my darling. I can't even imagine the emotional agony you must feel. As I read through, I saw some red flags and potential red flags. It's my considered opinion that a lady should never "help" a MAN propose a relationship. If he really wants you, trust me, he will let you know. He may be clumsy about it if he is the shy or inexperienced type. Your first mistake was assuming he fell for you but never really got around telling you. Sweetheart, that's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. Apparently, it was your idea to make things official. Little wonder he kept pussyfooting around. You assumed he felt the same way you did. Alas!
ReplyDeleteSecond red flag was continuing being secret lovers, hoping to make it official after you guys left school. You should have withheld "privileges" and continued being normal friends till he is ready, in the interim, date other guys. Never allow a man hold your emotions hostage, that's too much power to hand over to a mere mortal. You are a QUEEN, my love, Queens are meant for Kings, not for jokers who would bench you until they are ready to date you. That's almost sacrilegious! A man who doesn't know what he wants, isn't worthy of your waiting. You must keep living your life so that whenever he finally realizes you are the one, there wouldn't even be any vacancy.
Honey, that a man becomes a dog in a manger, is not a sign of love. In fact, it is the opposite of love. He doesn't want you but can't stand another man having you. It's a bruise to his ego. He'll rather have you jonesing for him while he rides into the sunset with the lady he desires.
You both were never on the same page. He never had genuine feelings for you. You imagined way more than what it truly was. Darling, this hurt you feel will pass. Don't rush through it, allow yourself feel every hurt. It may seem counterintuitive but it's actually cathartic. Let it all out, cry, scream if you want to. Don't be too hard on yourself, you made a mistake, make it count by learning from it. You will love again, you don't feel so now because you're still hurting. When the right guy comes around, please don't rush in. Allow him prove his worth and enjoy every minute of the chase. Chin up, my love, you're not alone. Some argue that heartbreak is a right of passage into adulthood.
e-hugs and kisses .
If you can’t get another job,start preparing for IELTS and PLAB.Study with all the anger you feel and get TF out of that country.Set a time frame and achieve your goals,don’t let any idiot mess you up over dick issues.
ReplyDeleteRonke
I love you.
DeleteThank you
Obsession is different from love, I hope you know that. There are jobs everywhere for doctors, change hospital.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he used you for your brain(intelligence) now that he has his degree and license he no longer needs you.
ReplyDeleteThe pain will go away. All things work together for good. One thing I have discovered is that if you are meant for something great you will lose many things on the way to fulfilling your destiny.
Lol poster, it's like you've not been heartbroken before, this is normal for most ladies talkmore of you that chased him into the situationship.
ReplyDeleteBut listen dear,he will surely come back but just know he isn't into you and probably you were the one doing the chasing and choking him.Men detest this especially when they don't have genuine love for you.
But believe me poster, this will help you in another relationship you gonna enter, yeap.Heartbreaks makes one stronger, yes oo.
So please take your time ,if you love your job,don't even try to resign, yea.
See that guy as nothing to you,please listen to RULES OF ENGAGEMENT. It is a book written by One pastor, I think he is the founder of one church, omg i have forgotten the name.Just look for the talk and listen attentively, believe me you will be fine.
Goodluck
Your chronicle screams “I am desperate, please love me by force because I have low to zero self worth” you were too too desperate for that man and he knew it. Unfortunately he never wanted you and decided well, I might as well Pretend, take advantage of this until we’re done with school. Your emotions took the best of you and fell hard yakata and clinged so hard to him like a child who needs her parents love and attention. It’s a turn off for most men , heck it turns me off when people are so clingy and needy. Look within yourself and see what’s making you so desperate for love. Did you have your fathers love growing up? If not, you’ve gotta heal first and seriously work on yourself, your self worth and dignity. No man can fill that void in you, only Christ.
ReplyDeleteA lot of us didn’t have that father’s love growing up in naija. Na to beat pesin and discipline you. The emotional nurturing a child needs wasn’t there during critical age of development. If you don’t work on yourself first (along with prayers), next relationship might be the same and you’ll get hurt all over again. I’m saying this because I’ve experienced similar situation. He was even my childhood friend self/best friend. So you can imagine how heartbroken I was when he told me we shd stay friends.
What I did Was forced myself to be alone without relying on anyone, prayed a lot, workout and toned up, hung out with friends for support/change of scenery purposes, cried out the pain and hurt, did not jump into another relationship immediately as I had to be comfortable and enjoy m own company by fire by force.
When I healed properly, I sorta lost interest in a relationship self as I enjoyed my independence and not worry and any man’s BS. You’ll attract men quicker self when they see the confidence in you. Today, I’m married to a loving husband and I make sure I shower my kid with love and affection and we tell him how much we love him, how handsome he is, his black is beautiful and wonderfully made in Gods image! A lot of these men are also damaged and don’t know how to love a woman properly because they don’t have the tools or love to do so! So damage meets damage and it ends in a huge mess.
Take your time and heal. Your future kids deserve a mom who’s secured in herself so you’ll be able to also teach them to value themselves! Warm regards and wishing you the best. And YES, you will heal from this and move on. right now you’re going through the pain which is a normal process to heal. Decide what’s best for you to either leave your work or stay if you can handle it emotionally. Or take some time off work to heal properly. Remember, this too shall pass. Good luck. š
Chai Kisses to you..You overnailed this šššš
Delete