Hmmmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
INSENSITIVE BABY DADDY
Hello Stella
Thanks for all you do here, please keep me anon as usual, Stella i dey vex, like seriously am pissed, and all I want to do now is rant, so please sit tight
I know I messed up, we dated for less than a year, and I fell pregnant, and I just decided to keep it, he was against it o, but somehow, I was able to make him see reasons with me, and we kept it , right from when the pregnancy was four months, I knew the baby would be a blessing to me, and I also knew his father is a real werey(madman) but I was so determined to have the baby, so I took all the shit that his father was serving, what am I typing sef? Let me just go to the point.
Without doing anything to this guy, he blocked me for 6 months, didn't send a dime ( he used to send 5k monthly before, even tho I have to ask and ask and ask) we are in same state o, and he has not seen the child for the past 2yrs
Hello Stella
Thanks for all you do here, please keep me anon as usual, Stella i dey vex, like seriously am pissed, and all I want to do now is rant, so please sit tight
I know I messed up, we dated for less than a year, and I fell pregnant, and I just decided to keep it, he was against it o, but somehow, I was able to make him see reasons with me, and we kept it , right from when the pregnancy was four months, I knew the baby would be a blessing to me, and I also knew his father is a real werey(madman) but I was so determined to have the baby, so I took all the shit that his father was serving, what am I typing sef? Let me just go to the point.
Without doing anything to this guy, he blocked me for 6 months, didn't send a dime ( he used to send 5k monthly before, even tho I have to ask and ask and ask) we are in same state o, and he has not seen the child for the past 2yrs
( baby is 5 now)
Stella, God has been faithful o, I am a graduate, I have a job, and am doing well, and trust me, I really don't need him again, immediately school resumes, i want to change my sons surname to my father's, I told a friend and she advised against it, but am like, he don't do shit for this child...
Stella, God has been faithful o, I am a graduate, I have a job, and am doing well, and trust me, I really don't need him again, immediately school resumes, i want to change my sons surname to my father's, I told a friend and she advised against it, but am like, he don't do shit for this child...
Now y'all might be wondering if I didn't see the signs, I feel terrible for not paying attention, and now am paying the price, so make una no yab me, he is so angry that I broke up with him, and he stupidly thinks all this His mumu attitude will make me come back, he doesn't know am so gone.....
I left him because I fell out of love, and he is such an emotional abuser, now this is where I need help.
Is it okay for me to change my sons surname to my father's?
I know that if I drag him, he will start sending monthly allowance, should I drag him or lock up? ( I can actually afford to take of the child and God blessed me with a wonderful and supportive family)
Is it okay to go and report him at his workplace, his friend says if I do that, they will make sure he pays monthly
Or should I just ignore him for life?
Have you ever been in this kind of situation,? What worked for you,? please share with me.
Stella please kindly say something, even if na yab, I will take it like that, lol, I love you Stella, and I love this blog so so, my able bvs, I don't have thick skin oh, y'all be nice to me please, e go be.
Is it okay for me to change my sons surname to my father's?
I know that if I drag him, he will start sending monthly allowance, should I drag him or lock up? ( I can actually afford to take of the child and God blessed me with a wonderful and supportive family)
Is it okay to go and report him at his workplace, his friend says if I do that, they will make sure he pays monthly
Or should I just ignore him for life?
Have you ever been in this kind of situation,? What worked for you,? please share with me.
Stella please kindly say something, even if na yab, I will take it like that, lol, I love you Stella, and I love this blog so so, my able bvs, I don't have thick skin oh, y'all be nice to me please, e go be.
*Change his name to your fathers own because?Na your papa pikin?please leave the child's name and face front....
Report him at his work place?whoever advised you to do that is an idiot.
You said you have a good job and can afford to take care of the child so what are you wasting time over him....
He is a dead beat Father,Let his conscience Judge him.
Follow your heart... whatever it tells you just go ahead and do it.
ReplyDeleteIn Igboland, since he didn't pay your bride price, the child should bear your father's name.
DeleteI don't know why you are stressing yourself, he told you that he doesnt want it initially before you cajoled him in keeping it. You don't blame that young man in this, you wanted the child hence it's your responsibility. Cater and nuture that child in God's way, and please close your legs like a MERMAID.
Stop all these nonsense about ‘in igbo land’ we are talking about real life issues here.In Igbo land my flat ass.Advice the lady and move the f on
DeleteYou got pregnant without mutual consent between the both of you. Yet you want him to love and care for the child by force?
DeleteMadam face front, your child no get papa just a mother. The sooner you accept this, the better for you and your child.
If I should have a child for a man who did not pay my bride price, the child bears my family name period!
DeleteWhether he supports or not, he is on his own. Yes I will tell the child who his father is. Let the child grow up/become independent and be the one to say he wants to start bearing his father's name
I am from Anambra and I like the reality of that tradition
Please dont mess up your poor child o. You will change name and the child will grow up and be knacking blood sibling cos the child didnt know they were related.
DeleteYou better drag him you won’t get an award for ignoring him and you’ll spend your money when the child grows he’ll still look for the dad . I dragged mine and his whole generation. He’s paying dearly and lamenting I don’t care. Wear a cd if you can’t foot children bills
ReplyDeleteExactly ooo. These mens attitude is they want to leave you doing all the hard work whilst they live their lives "like its golden". They intend to come back later to claim fathers rights.
DeleteDo whatever you have to do to make him pay for his child. 5k is nothing. Make him pay more. Since you have money then save the money for your child he doesnt get to impregnate you then run off into the sunset. Get the money then dont allow him have any space in your head.
yes,drag his ass,get what u need for the child, my mum didn't drag my dad but told I take care of the man that didn't care for me
DeleteDrag all dragables
DeleteI also say DRAG!!! Don’t shoulder it alone. Your child would want his father and when he is grown his father will want him. There’s no trophy from suffering alone unless you are Cardi B and even Cardi B’s ex would not fold his arms and do nothing even if she doesn’t request. He must participate at least monetarily. Don’t change his name to your father’s though.
DeleteYou have the right to change the name of the child.. Na you born am, since he hasn't and wasn't there for you when you needed him the most.
ReplyDeleteChange the name, if possible the change everything changeable.
Do anything that makes you happy my dear.. Irresponsibility at its peak.
Do as you like, like do as you f*cling like.. Nothing will happen.
Did he marry you? Or pay bride price?
See don't use that man's name ooo.. Let him come and pay your bride price before you change anything.
For now use anybody's name, in fact use my name if you want😂😂
Lmao... you really cracked me up with this your comment 🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteLool. stop o.
DeleteNa man u be🤣😂😅😅
Deletelmaooooo @ use my name.....
DeleteLMAO
Deletethis comment is funny
DeleteIf his surname is oloriburuku and your father's name is Samuel. Just add oloriburuku-samuel to it.
ReplyDeleteYou are the one feeling the pains and heat. Add your dads name.
After all the abroadians give their children their surnames when the father is a dead beat.
No need going to his office. Good you have left him. Just continue doing what you know best.
It is well with your soul
Please don't change the surname and don't go to his place of work. You have a good job and your family is supportive, what else do you want?. Ignore him, no point dragging him. Exactly what is 5k per month going to add to the well being of your son. Eventually, he will regret his actions, I just hope it won't be too late
DeleteAlexander it is already too late
DeleteRegret wetin? Same child will still care for him in future. All will be forgiven.
Delete😂😂😂 This got me cracked up and it be nice you ignore him like some bad habit jare
ReplyDeleteGban!
ReplyDeleteStella s advice is apt !!👌👌👌
Let him be. Take care of your son.
ReplyDeleteWell, where I come from, the child does not belong to d man until he marries or pays for damages. Her family wont even agree even if she has no problems.
He already told you from the onset he wasn't interested in having a child yet you forcefully went ahead. When a man tells you something the first time... please believe him. You didn't convince him to change his mind. He saw you weren't ready to listen so he let you be. It seems you got pregnant for a broke man who can't seem to take care of his child even if he tries. When you have premarital sex always be ready for the outcomes and plan ahead. Please make sure you dot your 'I's and cross your Ts before you engage in whatever you want. You ladies are the ones who bear the brunt of everything in the end. If you are truly financially comfortable why are you forcing him to be part of your lives when you feel he has shown he isn't interested?
ReplyDeleteShe misses the D, but she is lying to herself.
DeleteWhen you have unprotected sex, both men & men should be ready for the outcome.. It is only Nigerian men that expects "range rover" instead of babies when they have unprotected sex..
DeleteSo because the dead beat guy didn't want to have a baby, she should have respected his wishing by commiting abortion?
If the abortion goes South, who bears the pain?
Cee Jay.
Because the deadbeat guy didn't want the baby she should have had it in mind to carry the whole responsibility on her own. I don't support fornication neither do I support abortion. I say it all the time you women refused to listen that if push comes to shove you carry the larger brunt of it all. She can't force him to accept a responsibility for a baby he never wanted. Most guys would always want sex it doesn't affect them the way it affects you. 80% of the time it's your cross you carry it. She should have declined and closed her legs but since she wanted to have sex too she should have braced herself up for whatever happens afterwards. Simple. Most of you ladies right now having sex will likely experience the same treatment if you take in. That's the bitter truth. If you give your body most will take it and anything that happens afterwards you are on your own. If you are mature enough to do that make sure whatever happens you take it like that. Simple.
DeleteWomen yaff chichumchin
DeleteYou are being selfish here -only thinking about yourself and not
ReplyDeletethat child who will grow up to demand for
his dad.
And you are calling her dad "a mad man" and you are the same one complaining about "emotional abuse," really,
You are the emotional abuser here o.
If you are calling him all these names (with all the sh*t coming out of your mouth) in his absence, what
will you call him in his presence?
This is pitiably, probably, why the man only needed you as a "fornication partner" and not a wife.
Yes, it is good you judged yourself (1 Cor. 11:31) you "messed up." Beginning a home, a godly home does not begin with fornication. It begins with thorough
courtship, getting to know each other's character strength and flaws (we all have these) and working on them.
And of course soliciting God's help, the giver of life and the marital institution.
Now, you have the chance to make amends, making Jesus your Lord and
doing things right. 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
Back off.
Delete@Baltika
Delete"Back off?" From your blog?
Wow!
Biri ka m biri o. Live and let live.
Make your opinion and leave mine 😘😘😘😘
She has the chance to make amend...
DeleteNurture that boy in God's way
But what do you have to say about the baby daddy's irresponsibility?
DeleteHow should she handle it ?
@Chocolait
DeleteThis poster said she is a working graduate and can take care of this child, didn't she?
So what else do you want me to say?
My main concern here is that she does not seem to have learnt any lesson from her
experiences and is gearing up to make more mistakes. That man did not rape her, it
was her choice to commit fornication with him and get pregnant. A girl should have
responsibility for her body. Both committed a sin. But the lady is usually the
sufferer after the pleasure.
Hope you understand why I talk to ladies more on this forum, and of course
the majority.
Hmmmm….leave him to his conscience to judge him? That's not cool. I don't totally support your advice Stella. Men should be held responsible one way or the other. I don't support the change of name though but I can relate to her feelings too. She messed up big time and she has come to realise her mistakes, that's good for growth and sense. So she should take care of the child single handedly while the baby daddy walks around freely, without being held accountable that's all shades wrong but when the child gets to a certain age the father will be clamouring for custody or when the child becomes a success, he will suddenly show face taking glory for the work he never did.He should be made to send monthly allowance, she might have to resort to another method other than the one suggested above though.
ReplyDeleteMadam I put it to u that you are still in love with him, na mumu love dey do u this thingoooh, if u say u are ok, I don't see a reason why u need him, face front and train ur child in peace.delete him from ur mind or better still go and confess to him that u love him so dat he will give u the attention u seek.
ReplyDeleteU are doing well for urself as u said, why not focus on ur career, make more money, interact and pray to God for a good man, I bet you when u meet the right one, ur baby daddy will be shit in ur eyes.
Thanks.
DeleteSee how Tonto blanked her son's dad? No time for sme sme. If he is not willing then don't force him.
DeleteAs for changing name, It is up to you. The only time I will do that is if a man denies my child.
How do you girls begin what you call a relationship and the first thing in your agenda is to have sex and get pregnant.
ReplyDeleteHi poster, more bitterness is on your way o.
When this guy get married to someone else, you might go berserk but it won't change anything.
Giving a man sex or getting pregnant for him does not make him love you.
In fact, the opposite is the case. He
sees you as cheap and desperate.
Learned any lesson? Put it to use.
Suffice it to say that he remains the
child's father, no matter how bitter you become. Fact.
Sheis bitter because she wants him to pay towards his child, REALLY?. You men need to learn to take responsibility for your children no matter what. They BOTH made a mistake not just her. He did not want it so she should have an abortion?. If you do not want a child STAY CELIBATE. dont fucking have unprotected sex!
DeleteBut she admitted her mistake. But is about to make another one.
DeletePoster, please do not change the name to your father's name! If you love your child very much, you wouldn't even thought of doing that; that would be like using your innocent child as a weapon.
ReplyDeleteDo not go to his office! You want child support, call him and have a peaceful talk with him. Let him know that his child is missing him and it would be better if he's involved in his child's life, at least the child will not lose from his side. Children needs both parents.
Don't use your child as a weapon against your boyfriend... The child didn't asked to be born.
Whatever you do, do not do anything that will make your child to develop hatred for you in the future.
Don't bother to change anything just let peace to reign but am wondering why he will just abandon his child just like that I hope he is not a married man?
ReplyDeletedear stella this your response is the best. nothing to add
ReplyDeleteI've seen a situation like this before.let me tell you what the lady did. Her family corporated with her, they changed the child's surname to the lady's father name. They took good care of the child without minding the dead beat dad. After 18 to 20 yrs, the dead beat dad reappeared asking for his son, probably because he didn't have any son from all his women or maybe he just needed his blood. The girl's family gave him a list of things to buy and fulfill certain rites before the child's name can be his again.my point is discuss with your family, you need them before taking further steps.
ReplyDeletePlease change the name fast you wont be the first to do so. Gone are the days men do this shit and go scott free. If he wants the child to answer his name he will come to his senses and at least spend his money on upkeep.
ReplyDeleteLets stop enabling and accepting rubbish.
Poster why don't you change your baby's last name to your own name instead of your father's name?
ReplyDeleteHe already told you in the beginning about his decision, I commend you on keeping the child so why don't you continue with all you do if he decides to help good if he doesn't just move except you want to turn bitter then keep disturbing him for money.You can't change him Poster.
Stella get well soon
Poster don't Call me 🤙
Dont change his surname he has a father just a dead beat one ..my friend did so and I was wondering why that was necessary anger and bitterness at a loved ones behaviour may cause you to take this action ..but move on without him , dont ask for for anything again ..focus on serving God ,taking care of your baby and making money ..your true love will find you in time
ReplyDeleteIt takes more than a sperm for someone to be called a "father"..
DeleteHe is a sperm donor, not a father..
Chizzy J.
Somebody clearly stated he didn't want the child, u went ahead because u wanted to have the baby, i don't know why u r complaining. I'm not in support of his shitty attitude but u should have known wat to expect from the very moment u got pregnant
ReplyDeletePoster since you said you have all it takes to take care of your son, just pretend as if your baby daddy doesn't exist and care for your son, only time will tell.
ReplyDeleteReport him to child care service instead of his work place. Also kindly retain his surname, I think a child should know where he is from irrespective of the circumstances surrounding a relationship. What is the gain in changing his surname.
ReplyDeleteThere is no right or wrong if you decide to change or not change his sur name. Just give yourself the dignity of not asking nothing from him going forward but be nice
ReplyDeleteThere is no right or wrong if you decide to change or not change his sur name. Just give yourself the dignity of not asking nothing from him going forward but be nice and courteous. Since he is not interested now, whenever he decides to be interested you will present his son based on how much you know how to be a parent and he can't blam you.
ReplyDeleteMtsheww
ReplyDeleteI kinda feel you aren’t even serious sef
ReplyDeleteAll the best to you
ReplyDeleteWhat are u so concerned Abt all this? I thought u said u hve a supportive family and a good paying job?.
ReplyDeleteWhy not face ur front and move on.
Nah wah for u oh!
She could be lying about that part.🤷♀️
DeleteI see nothing wrong with the child bearing your father's name. After all, his father didn't marry you, did he? Discuss with your family before changing his name. I don't know what tribe you come from, but in my place (and I think Igbo land) a child born out of wedlock belongs to the woman's family.
ReplyDeleteAlso, involve the court or child services. I think that would be more effective than reporting him at his place of work because I honestly doubt any company will allocate a part of an employee's salary to his baby mama.
I advise you to use child services as well as the court as there's no award for carrying the financial burdens of a child alone. If you had asked me some years ago, I would have said focus on the child and don't request for financial help from his father but recent events where I saw children actually begin to disrespect the mother after the father who never spent a kobo on them or asked about them when they were young showed up.
Don't ever change your child's surname to your parents no matter the situation. Let the child bear his/her father's name. Incest is real! The money and responsibity issues will be sorted out and then when everything becomes fine. Please take it easy on the guy. Guys Gre also going through lots of stuff which they can't tell anyone please don't add more pressure to it. Please take it easy on him. He will come around in no time. And please don't cut off the parenting relationship with him. Even if he doesn't give you money, please let him feel that he is a father. Don't stop praying for him.
ReplyDeleteYou have started making the mistake most single parents make: taking out your bitterness on the child. Did the baby say that he hates the surname? You are setting yourself up for disrespect from your child. Once they can key into the parent that is emotional and bitter they will use it to manipulate you. Yes, one day, he will learn that if you hear his father's name your blood will become hot and he will start talking to you anyhow. Focus on building a healthy childhood in a peaceful environment for that boy and find another father figure for him. It can be your father, his uncle or future step father (no pressure).
ReplyDeletethank you all, i really appreciate, thank you stella, your red pen hit the right place,,, i will sleep over all the advice, but if there is one thing am sure of, it is the fact that i am no longer into him at all, i will just face my job, and face front. he is deadbeat, so i should not expect jack from the dead.
ReplyDeleteChange the name if you must but don't blame him for not being involved. He clearly stated that from the get go.
DeleteCalling him deadbeat in this situation is unfair because although you both were irresponsible to have sex without protection, he didn't sign up to be a father so you need to reduce your expectations
Wish you all the best♡
Dear Poster,
DeleteI will advise that you change the name because in the future if you want to travel out of the country with the child, the embassy will ask for parental consent from the father.
I know this because a friend of mine had to 'reconcile' with her estranged husband because he had vowed that she won't travel anywhere with his child. He had not supported the child in years but could still hold her ransome because his name was on the birth certificate.
Another friend of mine had to involve the courts because to spite her, her ex husband placed a 10 year travel ban on her kids. This means she can travel but she cannot take the children with her for 10 years. Luckily the court deemed that unfair and reduced it to about half.
So if you want to change the name please do so, especially on the birth certificate.
As for chasing him for child support, abeg leave him be. Since you are financially capable please take care of your child.
Don't bring more and unnecessary drama to this child's life and yours.
Machide
Dear poster,your peace of mind is paramount.Name changing doesn't really change anything,I'm glad you have the resources to take care of your child.As for the deadbeat dad,believe when i say people get what they deserve,you will still hear what will happen,sending you love and light 💖💖
ReplyDeleteMy dear I will advice you to change his name to your father's name. Ask me why- Its better you save yourself the heart ache, face front and concentrate on how to be an outstanding person in the society. This boy will definitely trace his roots when he come of age, and he may probably change to his father's name (maybe). Now the only evidence that u will have for your sacrifice is the fact that all his certificates will bear the last name of your choice. This is is the only way that can show the impact you made in his life. Invest the time you ll use in calling the guy for upkeep into building yourself, praying for God's Grace and wisdom. When I look at all my certificates, the last name i see make me for ever grateful to my father. He gave me the gift of education,and his name will forever be on those certificates. For the last time, please forget about peanuts and take full control of your destiny. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteIn some Igbo trandition, any child born out of wedlock belongs to the woman’s family. Since he doesn’t care about the child, just forget about him and train your child.
ReplyDeleteYou ladies can be so ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteIf a man wants the baby but you don't you remove it.. no one would complain..
but when he says he doesn't want and you want it.. you'll keep it and start throwing tantrums..
If not that you begged not to be insulted I would have said you were mad.. but let me just keep walking..
Rubbish
Children trace roots due becausr they want to fill a void but if the man is a deadbeat,the children never have a relationship with them eventually.
ReplyDeleteOnly reason naija children eventually have relationship with the deadbeats is because they need his money if he is loaded
sweetheart I am a single mother too like you but have a baby girl she bears her father's name and we almost had this same issue like yours, we quarreled and he stopped sending money for over a year, I had to take care of my child by myself, but it didn't stop me from changing her last name, when I couldn't bear it, I had to report him at welfare though they couldn't solve the issue, both of us came to an agreement. so he started bringing money and also paying of school fees. my dear in your own case your child is a boy and in future he would want to know his father and surprisingly, both of them might bond well. so my candid advise is don't change his last name, he needs to identify with his father and also report the guy at his place of work because you no go suffer finish train the child tomorrow he will come and answer papa, let him contribute whether na by force or not it is very important please.
ReplyDeleteWomen will never change. Madam listen good, that guy owes you NOTHING. He's indisputably irresponsible and a dead beat father, but women need to start taking responsibility. So far you open your leg, conceive and bear a child, don't think that's where your duty ends. You are equally responsible for taking care of that child financially. To make things worse he didn't want the child from the beginning. You shouldn't have given the child his name and change it by all means if it makes you feel better. Gone are the days that when a child grows he will go and look for his father. Just accept that you are the only parent of your boy and instill in him the training and responsibility his father lacks. Stop expecting anything from that guy, if he brings fine, if not great, you made a choice and now you have to live with it. All the best.
ReplyDeletePoster, I was married and pregnant when he left..flimsy excuse probably due to male ego. But I was the one bringing the dough so I let it slide, abi will I drag him when I know he's damned broke? My kid bears my father's name but the birth certificate carries the dad's name. If he sits up, I'll change it back,if not, ahead ahead. It's been more than 7years since and God has been faithful.
ReplyDeleteSomeday he will ask why his birth certificate bears a different surname. Be prepared to be honest with him. You are creating a problem for that child and it may back fire some. Be careful
Deletekindly forget him and look away, don't drag him focus on urself and the child.
ReplyDeleteI’m a single mum and my child is 6 years old. Babydad opened his mouth and wanted us to have a child tho I was skeptical but he convinced me. He was there till my child hit age 1 since then NOTHING and I do not contact him for nothing I have a very good job making good money.
ReplyDeleteInfact at age 1 it was him and his family that sent me and my child away with plenty insults and I left quietly no noise. I will soon get married and will be changing my name and my child’s name to my husbands name forever no time.
The past 2 months he has been sending people to me to beg and I do not reply because 2 years ago when I replied he did NOTHING so no more attention from me to him everyone face front he can speak to his child when my child is old enough to speak like an adult.
Imagine you change his name to your father's name and his daddy has a daughter and they start dating and have sex??? Do not destroy your child's life because you want to hurt his dad. Focus on yourself, you made a choice to have the child knowing fully well he is irresponsible. We are all victims of our choices/decisions, you made your choice so enjoy the fruits of it.
ReplyDelete2 options: if the father's not involved, then change his name to whatever you want to. The name change will be baby dady's future problem (if it ever becomes one) and then he'll have to fight you and the court for a name change. If the child's old enough by then, it'll be the child's decision to keep or change his name and it won't be your battle anymore.
ReplyDeleteIf you report him to his office (which I think is a terrible idea btw) and he's forced to pay, then you can't change his name because he'll now be 'technically' involved in his son's life.
Opinion: change his name if you feel so strongly about it and since you can take care of him on your own do so.
A man rejected you and your child at six months yet to gave the child his surname. Change the surname to your father's own after all you are not married to him and he is not playing the father role.
ReplyDeleteIf you can relocate far from him, avoid him, face your son and if tomorrow to fall in love let the new Person adopt the child you move on.
You don't like me by to want my child, that is rubbish.
Dear poster, stella's advise is the best, do not change your son's last name to your father's name, it makes no sense and you will regret it later in future because your son will grow up and be agree with you about such thing. your father is not the father of your son, it makes no sense to do that, that is the action of an angry and bitter woman, and you will probably grown up someday to realize that you made a big mistake and bad decision out of your anger towards your baby-daddy. Let me give you one good reason you should not separate your son from his father by name, If your baby-daddy becomes a very rich man tomorrow and he later die (God forbid), if he has written his Last Will and Testament before he die and your son's name is in the Will with his biological father's name as last name, your son will not be able to claim the property/wealth if his identity document states your father's name as his last name, if he quickly do change of last name in other to claim the properties it will be perceived as fraud and your son will probably lose every right to claim his biological father's wealth, and remember if your father die (God forbid) your brothers and sisters will not allow your son to share from your father's wealth. There are so many reason why you should not change your son's last name from his biological father to your father's name. Do not let anger and bitterness led you to a big mistake and bad decision.
ReplyDeleteSecondly the person that advised you to report him at his place of work is really foolish, place of work do not handle family affair or child support affair, do you think his place of work will be diverting part of he's salary to you for child support? Never, it will NEVER happen, you should be smart enough to know this, do you think he's place of work will sack him because he is not taking care of his son? Never, it will never happen, you should be smart enough to know this.
My advise for you is this, you said you are financially capable to take care of your son, continue taking care of him, but you can also continue asking your baby-daddy for money to support your son, if he refuse just continue taking care of your son and you can always keep evidence of all the financial things you did for your son so that when he grow up you can make him understand that you alone raised him, it is your son's decision to change his last name when he grow up, let him make that decision when he grow up. I hope you take this advice. Thank you.
Abeg, the man who refused to contribute for his child's financial needs will one day become a rich man and leave his son riches in his last will? Story for the gods. They NEVER end up being rich and on the slight chance that they do, they'll never remember that child they rejected from birth. Even if they do, you can be rest assured that the rich man would ensure he knows his child's full name before putting it in his will.
DeleteWhich one is your baby bearing his name when he is not married to you.Abeg change that baby name sharp sharp to your fathers name untill he pay your bride price. In my culture (igbo)your baby answers the same surname with you,that is your fathers name unless the father paid your bride price. How can you suffer finish and carry your baby give him.
ReplyDeleteThat baby belongs to you and your family alone ,no two ways about it.
Poster and single ladies who are not married to the men involved, ALWAYS use your surname. Should in case you want to leave the country with your kid, they gon ask you to get his "father's" consent. When your child is of age tell them who their father is, everything about their dad. Don't hide anything from them. Your surname.
ReplyDelete...He did not want the child in the first place, this is what makes this more complicated.
ReplyDeleteRaise your child since you can afford to, leave the man alone.
Let your child bear his fathers name.
Actions have consequences, this is one of such situations. Nobody said life was fair!
However, if it were that there was a mutual understanding to keep the child and he begins to act nonchalant after the child is born, follow Dianna E's comment above sharply.
Where do you guys get this “in future he will look for his father” story. If he’s not involved then he’s not involved so exactly why should he bear the father’s name ? Is a father’s name more important than the name of the mother just because the father is a man?
ReplyDeleteAlso if you don’t have the same last name as your child you won’t be able to travel beyond Nigeria without the father’s consent. Imagine what this petty man will do to frustrate you. Imagine you get an opportunity to travel out for masters or you decide to go on holiday or move to another country for a job or marriage/partnership
The Nigerian standard of being a “good” woman is one who respects the ego of even the worst man over her own needs. Don’t feed into that. Should the father come back, you guys can compound the boy’s name you sign a contract. The man waived all parental rights from day 1. He is not a “father”
Stella, please know Nigerian law. The child shouldn't have had his last name in the first place and you can never force him to pay child support, according to Nigerian law, children born to unmarried women are the sole responsibility of the woman. If the man wants rights and responsibility for the child, legally the only way he can get that is to marry the mother. No such thing as DNA test or anything else.
ReplyDeleteShe is free to do whatever she wants, the child is hers.