Stella Dimoko Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative


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Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative



My story...
I am from a family of 4. I have two siblings and a half sister. Several years ago, when I was in secondary school, I lost my mum and shortly after that my dad remarried. It was not rosy as my step mum came in with her children, who acted like the owners of the house. 

This affected my siblings and I negatively but by God's grace we finished school and working now.

My half sister married before my dad remarried so she was out of the house. She got a job with a multinational and lived her life.

For several years I have been depressed about my mother's death which happened over 15 years ago and I am yet to come to terms with it. There are times I miss her. I had to go through life learning from my failures cos I had no mother to advise me on life, men, relationships etc. I am in my 30s and not married till date, which I feel would have been different if my mother was alive.

Recently, I had a talk with the step sister about have a meeting with my dad for everyone to state their grievances and for a possible settlement as my dad is only focused on his wife, and my siblings have resorted to being distant from him.

To my utmost shock, she stated that she was not interested as she has always been seen and treated as an 'outsider' and an 'illegitimate' child, and how my dad took sides with my mum and now my stepmother, and didn't stand up for her.
I was and still in shock. 

She is almost 50 and it worries me that she has carried this grudge over the years even when we truly saw her as our 'big sister'. She said 'my dad took sides with my mum.' The little memories I have was that she stayed with us without much issues with my mum. At a time, she lived abroad with my parents, which I feel would not have been done if my mum hated her.

Please Stella and my blog family, could this be the reason for her actions towards us? She works in a multinational outside Nigeria and earns a whopping salary. We are working but not earning much but she will rather assist strangers with money, travel trips, scholarships, business start ups rather than we her siblings. 

My sister and I were given allowances of less than 30k each when we were jobless, but she stopped it when we got jobs, which we are managing. She has not been there as a sister even through the emotional challenges we have had while growing up, boys issues, career etc.

Please how do we handle this? Our mother is no more and sometimes we feel weighed down by the issues in life.

How do we handle the treatment from our step sister?

How do we handle the issues with our step mother without having issues with my father, which is what happens most times(if we have problems with his wife, he also joins her in the 'fight')?

How did blog visitors who have lost a mother cope in life? Especially at a young age. How did they succeed?

*My Dear find closure without all this drama and move on abeg.....The issue looks complicated and it looks like you are trying to unearth something that will cause more drama and break into a family feud...Please move on....

Your step sister owes you nothing at all.


  1. Listen to Stella n move on!

    1. Do the needful and move the heck on

    2. Move on,focus on making your own money. Be happy cos life's short

    3. She has not been there as a sister yet she placed you and your siblings on 30k when you had no job? You expected her to continue and monitoring who she helps and what she invests her whooping salary on? How did your half sister too go through her own challenges when you were enjoying your mother?

      Entitled much.

      You see, you expect your dad to either not marry at all or marry and turn his wife to your rag bah? They are married and he has clung to his wife as even you too will expect from your husband when you eventually marry. Listen to yourself; the new wives children where supposed to act like slaves or intruders?

      You better find peace within yourself. No one owes you NOTHING! You heard your big half sister that your mom wasn't perfect either but she copped and made something of her life and found magnanimity in her heart to still take care of you when you had no job. You, what have you done for your younger ones from the new wife except jealousy?

      You are a taker. And takers always lack.

    4. For you and ur siblings to be feeling marginalised by ur dad n his current wife it was most likely how he treated your hal sister n always took you n ur mothers side. Like Stella said she owes you nothing. She was even kind enough to be paying u n ur sis when u were both jobless while carrying such happens. Move on

  2. Stella I love you already. Apt adviceπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

    1. Dp you think you feel you need closure because you feel she is doing better than You?what you need is making up your mind to become a success too, do not look on anyone for your future but GOD ONLY!

  3. Please try to move on with your life without complicating matters than it already is.also,your half sister owe you nothing as she's working for her money, pray to God to bless you abundantly so that you will live a fulfilled life. You will be fine dear

    1. The only thing here is you have no real/serious boyfriend that cater for your bills. If God gives you one, all these your rants will be stories. Be humble n grow up mentally and spiritual. All the best.

  4. Stella's advice is worth considering. To be honest you sound immature and entitled. The woman is dealing with her own issues and you are making emotional demands of her even though she has helped you financially. How she spends her money is non of your business. If you had something doing you won't have time for all this family meetings.

    1. Exactly

      Find closure by making peace with your past and making the best of your future

      Stop feeling entitled
      As an imperfect human she has tried

      Let go
      Let GOD take control and give you peace

  5. Stop blaming everyone for your issues. You are an adult and you need to start realizing it. No one is responsible for your plight. Stop this sense of entitlement and self pity and move on with your life

    1. Poster, most of us here lost our mothers when we were very young and most of is have grown up without any issues. Let go of the past and move on and stop looking for earth to dig before you start hating yourself. You were very young and don't know what went on between your mum and step sister. Let it go before you discover what you didn't pray for so you don't end up apologising for the rest of your life. You are matured now, move on from your dad and make your own life. Ond day you may be the one distancing yourself from your younger ones from your step mum and they will be looking for closure. Tainkiu

  6. She even tried and did her best by you. Some would rather throw money away than give you. I hated how you said less than 30k each. Which I guess would be more than 25k but let's say 25k that's 50k. Now that you are both working, calculate the amount of days and work you put in to get 25k out of your salary and I will reiterate what stella has said, she owes you nothing.

    Concerning your late mum, we tend to see our parents as angels especially the dearly departed. You might have been oblivious to what was going on between your mum and half sister.

    I'm from a polygamous home and can vouch for my mother but sometimes if one is to be objective some matters can be treated differently. For instance, many years ago, my half sister was coming home late at night and there was a robbery incident which the house help thought she was the one and opened the gate for her. After that, my dad said if she's not home by 8 pm, she should be locked out. She continued her night crawling and the day my mum wanted to enforce the law, it was my brother that went against my dad's explicit instruction and opened the gate for her. He told my mum plainly that if her daughter should come home late, will she let her sleep outside in the name of obeying my dad?

    When one is in a polygamous set up, a lot of wisdom is required. Your half sister knew what she went through in the hands of your mum and owes you nothing. Be grateful for what she's done so far and strive to be totally independent.

    1. Wisdom full ur brother head.

    2. Sense and oil full your head.
      OP, please move on. Your step sister owes you NOTHING. May the memory of your dear mum continue to give you peace, she is with her maker I believe. Still, he who wears d shoe know where it pinches. If your step sister experienced pain from your mum, then her word stands. It was your mum so you will never know the step sister's pain. Taking someone abroad does not mean she didn't experience hardship. Someone I know took her maid abroad to babysit her kids��
      So what are we not saying. She even gave you guys stipend when unemployed. Hiss...please get over yourself!

  7. You don't have a mum?
    There are orphans!!!

    In this life, if you have always looking for excuse for your failure, you must surely find numerous.
    You think your mums absence is the reason for your being single? Chai! You need brain formatting.

    You are no longer a kid, grow up and take charge of your life.

    Else keep playing victim and remain where you are forever.

    Onwero onye ji gi ugwo na uwa biko

  8. Put your focus on bettering yourself.Dont wait for giveaway from no sibling.

  9. It is well. God Almighty that has been keeping you and your sisters is still the same God.

    Your step sister wants nothing with you all, just move on.

    Leave your dad alone with the step mother. With time you will get your healings.

    Free your heart of the pains. You are coping, and you will cope well

  10. Poster I dont see what your problem is actually. She is not lavishing money on her step siblings and so? When you didn't have jobs she gave you monthly allowance of 30k each, she stopped after y'all got jobs so what? She owes y'all nothing. The same way your dad trained her ,he trained you amd your siblings. She got favoured with a great job.
    What makes you feel your mother certainly did her no wrong while she lived with you all,(I'm not judging your late momπŸ™) obviously she also has grievance as you and your siblings now have against your step not trying to excuse her for holding a grugde, I mean your mum is long gone so she is supposed to have let go all that bad energy the same you should learn to.
    Anyway if you ask me, my advice is this, forget about how your father is living his life as long as he isn't being harmed. You can combine forces with your siblings(mothers children) & manage the little y'all have. With time you will make it good in life. This kindof thing happens when you loose a parent and the other remarries. You can't blame your dad, your dad to some extent cannot control what goes on in his home, neither can he control his adult children. Dont let big sister's wealth or any other person intimidate you. You will be fine.

  11. See someone having sense of entitlement. What does your step sister owe you? What and how she chooses to spend her money is none of your business.
    Go and develop yourself and become independent.

    I hate siblings always thinking someone must carry their burden. Same applies to my family who think I need to share my money with then and build a mansion filled with money for them. Rubbish! Meanwhile they too had opportunities to make something out of their lives but lived a wayward and stupid lifestyle.

    Make haste while the Sun shines.

    My dear, face front and leave your sister alive to live her life. As you mentioned nobody was there for her in her growing up years. Please her her enjoy her money in peace

  12. Family issues never ends. Focus on being a success yourself, stop looking for relationships from a step sister who has moved on since 1900BC

  13. Hmmmm...I understand how you feel because I was in your shoes. I lost both parents in my teens and as a first born,I have nobody to turn to. The place of a mother CANNOT AND CAN NEVER be filled by anyone else, people can only try their best. I will advice you to focus on your life and show love to your siblings, don't hold any grudge against your father either. Life's challenges can be overwhelming at times ,I know but trust in God ,pray at all times and If need be cry(If it will give you some relief)I cry to clear my head sometimes too. What if you don't have any big sister like me, won't you survive? Respect her but maintain your lane. if she assists you and your siblings, fine, if not face front . God be with you. Don't fight your dad over anything biko, respect and honour him. If you still live with your step mother and dad, I think it's time to move out for the sake of peace.Find money ,rent a place with your siblings. God will make a way for you.

  14. Pray for God favour ,your step sister doesn't own you anything and I she doesn't want to be part of your family so be it , honestly she has every right to do anything she wanted and she has not sin, only God can help people

  15. Madam move on, face your siblings(mother's side). Your big sis doesnt send you people, so face your front.

    1. The elder sister has tried

      You too stand on your feet
      Stop feeling entitled!

  16. I come from a polygamous home. My dad has four wives and my mom died when I was in js3. Immediately she died, my moms people took us away so we wont be maltreated and my dad moved all my mom's belongings down to her comb to his last wife's house. I didnt even know abt the last wife and her kids till five years later and am sure my mom didnt know she existed before she died.
    Its a long story but I just want you to know that I can understand.
    First, don't go to them looking for closure, you won't find it. Instead it will be more heartache. Your sister even tried to give you money when you were jobless and she was also open to you when you confronted her. She is not wicked, she is a product of the system just like you. And she has learnt that you have to be strong for yourself cos no ones coming.
    Instead of blaming everyone and circumstances around you for your situation and looking for who to help you, take responsibility for your life. Be better, love yourself. Be friends with your siblings and even your dad without expecting any help.
    You are a graduate, you are working and young from a polygamous home, my dear be grateful cos some people are not that lucky.

  17. Poster u were actually too young to know what she went through as a child in the hands of ur mother. All u can do now is talk with her and make her realize that u children were not privy to that. It’s also not ur fault. Such grudges can be held for a long time and it usually takes a lot to settle them. Try ur best my dear. Hope it’s not just cos she is earning plenty that U are looking for a solution. Good luck anyway

  18. Poster, gather your siblings and be a mother to them, you can't force a relationship with someone that doesn't want. It is possible that she was genuinely marginalized, it is also possible that she made up all these issues in her head. She is not God and I have come to realize that people have only the amount of power that you give them over you.

    Your siblings can also make it and be successful and she will be the one trying to identify with you guys, leave your dad to do what he thinks is okay, last last, only you waka come, you went to school and have a job, look up to God and keep praying. You will be successful by God's grace.

  19. Your sister owes you absolutely nothing. Take your eyes off her money. I pray that God will bless you. They don't live life backwards. Move on and forgive everyone that has hurt you. All will be well with you.

  20. Poster, you are in your 30s, unburden yourself to God in prayer, do deep soul-searching, go for counseling, write down your feelings and experiences in a diary and YOU WILL FIND CLOSURE.

    You don't need to expect anything from your half-sister that she is not willing to give. She also has her own issues to deal with. That she lived abroad with your parents didn't mean your mom treated her as she expected. Her working in a multinational company abroad is not a family inheritance to be shared among siblings.

    You are a full grown woman now. Fend for yourself. Leave your dad and step-mother to the life they have chosen to live.
    Some people do not have pleasant relationship with their own biological parents and siblings.

    LET IT GO❗

  21. You are an entitled spoilt brat! grow up !silly girl ! and why are you surprised she said she felt as an outsider ? by your own admittance, your father comes across as the type who sides with his wife against his own children, so why are you surprised if your father did same to her ?

    Your deep seated issues has got nothing to do with the death of your mum including your single status.
    and you are annoying too

  22. Take Stella's advice poster...

  23. I did not read you mention Christ in all your narration. Do you belong to the heavenly family? If not, why not? That will give you the closure you need.
    You have to forgive all that perhaps sinned against you. That will enable you to enjoy the peace of mind that Christ will give you and move on successfully in life.

  24. Poster I will be very blut with You...
    You are your own problem yes.. GROW UP
    You're in your 30s. And still sound like a frightened Little Girl.. what is wrong with you... my sister this my Step sister that .
    That your mother Died is not an Excuse..
    Your Step sister don't owe you anything.. work Hard and make your own Money.. This drama you're looking for hmmm why will you call for Family meeting over Silly things?
    You even blamed your mother for your
    unmarried state... Continue complaining over petty things until you turn 50..
    Silly girl...

    1. Poster, I doubt you would have written this Chronicle if you were married.
      Please concentrate on looking for husband.
      There a lot of motherless children who re not making "mistakes"

  25. You're looking for a financial liberty via closure...aunty, many people are orphans and lived life. You're old enough to live life, nobody will decide for you or rather owes you.there are a lot of people that have both parents yet unmarried. Stop making excuses for your incapabilities and insecuruties. Have you discussed this meeting with your biological sibs? Infact, it is well.

  26. Remove your eyes from your sister's money. If she was poor, would you reach out to her?

    1. Wow! This your comment is everything oh!!!!!!!

  27. You are an ingrate. It’s only someone that is used to receiving that will mention 30k monthly like it was 10kobo she gave you. How much have you given her since you started your own work? You’re over 30 years old and you think like this.

    So ungrateful and entitled, people like you are the ones that think their life’s problem is everyone’s fault but theirs. She got a job in a multinational, oya go and get your own and put someone else on even 20k salary monthly let’s see how easy it is.

    Is your sister your mum/dad? Who are you to tell her what experiences she had with your parents?

    You better leave that woman alone and own up to the problems in your haven’t finished facing your irresponsible father is your sister that’s your problem. Mstheewwwww!!!

  28. Stella, I agree with you totally but she is naive and it will be difficult for her to see things from our perspective.

    Poster, what you have is called "entitlement mentality". I'm 39 and it got me where I am today but this post is not about me.

    I wish I could explain better but honestly try Stella's advice. You'll thank her later. See, even if she wasn't 'half' a sibling, she could do worse. If you know what my own mother did to me,ehn?!

    Just assume you have no helper except God. You're the only one that can't let yourself down. Every other person's contribution is a bonus. In some places, once you clock 16 and you don't move out, you may be required to share bills with your own parents.

    Asides this, you sound a little bit ungrateful for the little (actually, plenty to me) that she has done. It probably trickles down from your entitled mentality. It's probably why she's not doing more. Nobody owes anybody jackshit. I wish I had realised this much earlier.

    Here is what I'll advice.

    Start to relate with her nicely without expecting anything in return. Check on her and her family often. I once did this to someone for two years to gain back their trust. She needs to stop seeing you as a PARASITE. That's what most of us unconsciously are. You probably only talk to her when you need something.

    And try to fill that 'vacuum' with love. That love she didn't get from you while growing up, give her now. But don't expect anything in return. Don't ever be tempted to ask her for anything no matter how pressured you are.

    One day though...

  29. Poster Stella has said it all

    If your half sister wasn't rich would you have had issues concerning how she spends her money? People like us with no big sis to send us 5k we never die.

    Please leave her money alone she even tried and you called her efforts less than 30k it really shows how ungrateful you are.

    The way you never saw anything wrong in the way your late mother treated her is the same way your new step mother's children won't see the way their own mother treats you and your siblings.

    The way you have issues with your step mom is exactly the same way she had issues with your mom but you know what you couldn't just see how bad she was treated because she was under your mom just the same way your step mom children won't understand what you're saying by the time you call for a meeting because they can't see it too

    If your big sis was poor would have cared about reconciliation!

    Okay you that is now a big sister to your step mom children how much have you sent to them monthly?

    One last thing you should know is half siblings always help the siblings they share same mother with rather than the ones they share same father, I am not from a poligamous home but I have noticed this alot

    Close your eyes and imagine you are the half sister and imagine you reading all these your wrote as if it was your step mother's children that sent to Stella how will you feel?

    Concerning your late mother I sympathize with you try to find closure so you can move on in life.

    Final advise leave people money alone nah.

    Call me πŸ€™

  30. She told you her griefances, yet you sound sceptical of her statement/s! How can you have successful reconciliation talks with the family, if you are going to be doubtful of the other person's feelings and experiences?!

    I know you see your mum as an angel, but she clearly played into the "evil stepmother" role. Just because your sis was abroad with your parents doesn't mean she was treated well. Most people abroad cannot afford househelps there, so it wouldn't surprise me if she used as such.

    Unlike other readers, I actually welcome the family meeting - but only if you can be open minded and willing to actually listen. Even if your dad chooses not to participate because of his current wife, it could be catargic for everyone to air out their feelings. Although there may be no clear-cut resolution, talking things over can bring some clarity as to why things went on the way they did. It can be the beginning of letting go of the animosity between siblings.

    PS. The older sibling is your half-sibling...your dad's biological child. You initially referred to her as such, but later called her your step-sibling. I almost thought you were referring to your step-mother's kid until I read further.

  31. Your sense of entitlement stinks....I have an elder sister that has done so much for I and my brothers (lots of sacrifices) I can’t begin to mention..sometimes I beg her to ignore us a little,we won’t die..she didn’t come to this life bcos of us..
    Things are not ok with me yet (financially) but I’m tired of taking,I want to taste how it feels to give too..nobody owes anyone nothing
    You got up to 30k and you are this ungrateful.smh
    My sister gives me 5k and I see it like 5million cause I don’t work for her..I’m even ok with receiving nothing from her so long she takes care of our sick mum which should have been a collective effort..I can’t wait to start earning and spoil her help me God

  32. Poster I totally understand your plights, don't take these comments to heart. Like Stella said your sister owes you nothing, you should appreciate whatever help she gives no matter how little. Ask God for directions and He will surely show you the way, some people have bad mother's but the turned out to be good adults. You can reach out to your sister on a good day, if she can help you get a better job, once you are comfortable believe me you won't feel bad atall. Even if she doesn't help you, pray to God and be patient, He will surely send you a helper. Have faith!!!!

  33. I feel that what the poster really need is a mother's love. That emotional connection with an older woman.

  34. I feel you Darling and I understand your pain. I think your struggles in life rather than make you weak and dependent should make you strong and independent. Please forget your half sibling, bond with your maternal siblings and look for a female Member of your Mum’s Family to act as a Mother figure for you. Don’t worry God will settle you all round soonest. I wish I could just give you a hug right now.

  35. I think you should buy that your step sis a gift. Yes, you heard me right. She placed you and your sis on 30k a month while y'all were struggling but wisely withdrew it once you got a job. Instead of seeking more, why not buy her a gift of gratitude? People like her who give and give hardly ever get back, so break that yoke of entitlement and when next you see her, give her a beautiful gift that will make her smile. Give also to your Dad and step Mum. Thank God for them and pray for them. For everyone who ever gave me anything in life, whenever I say gratitude prayers, I call their names. Some of them gave only letters of recommendation but I still call their names. It is difficult to bear resentment towards people you give to or pray for. Let go and forgive everyone. Have a heart of gratitude.

  36. U better be thankful to God that your Dad gave u education. U better grow up. You're even privileged.what about the poor that are motherless or orphans. You are your own problem. You're envious and jealous of your half sister. An ingrate also. I pity you. You go soon old witout husband and children.dont face your life and make a success out of it.nonsense story

  37. Poster, I think it is very natural to resent a step-Mum cos it feels like the person replaced your Mum. First of all, for many women, it is difficult to love a child that ain't theirs. Secondly, no matter how kind a step_mum is, it may never be enough for the child. So if your feelings towards your step-Mum is valid, allow your half-sis to have her own valid feelings towards your Mum. You see that the world is a round circle, right? ALso, it is unfair to not expect your Dad to move on and love his new wife in equal measure as he loved your Mum. Finally, enough with the woe-is-me attitude. If you want your sister's help for jobs or opportunities, this is what you must do.
    1. Do not mention any yeye meeting near her again, don't guilt-trip anyone into stuff like that. If you need therapy or counseling, go for it yourself
    2. Send birthday, and holiday messages or funny jokes to her once in a while
    3. Work hard and smart at your job and look out for opportunities. Cultivate where you are planted
    4. Ask her for a meeting then tell her you are interested in abroad opportunities, do your own research so that you can talk brilliantly. Show zeal and passion, don't sound entitled oh.
    5. I say this cos I am abroad and I get messages from relatives and other peeps. I detest those who write lazily, expecting you to do all the work for them cos they are your relatives. They can't do basic research on GRE or Toefl but their twitter shows they trend Tacha and Mercy everyday. So when you do that meeting with her, show that you know what you are talking about. Your sis seems to be a Type A personality who fought her way to success and expects others to do the same. Earn it, don't expect it to be given to you.
    7. Be full of hope. Don't count being single as a failure, it is not. It is a time you can use to grow in your person, career and dreams. It is time that God gives as gift to you. Use it
    8. Finally, good luck!

  38. "cos I had no mother to advise me on life, men, relationships etc" wrong!
    My dear the average Nigerian girl grows up without any form of sex education from parents cos they are uncomfortable with such talk. We survived on common sense and people's experiences. Also your sis knows that if she will be open and honest in that meeting, you may hear what you won't like, so better that she turned it down. Trust me she tried in sending 30k to you both, even with her resentment towards your Mum. She wants to be kind, but does not want closeness. Respect her wishes and if you want closeness, build trust first and give it time. Finally, it seems you're looking for a savior in a sister or a husband that why you complained of singleness at 30 cos you want a hubby to save you financially and save you from depression or self-pity. Hope you know marriage is give and take. You have to give too. ALso no man is equipped to carry all your load and burden. Men will disappoint you and if you do find one who loves you, don't place unnecessary expectations on him. Only Jesus said he can ("Come to me all ye who labor and are heavy-laden", not "get married all ye who labor")

  39. Ppl are being unnecessarily harsh in the comment section. The poster seems like she's hurt. I don't think this is about the money but someone she looked up to as a big sister held grudges for many years. Poster pls look at comments of ppl who were in your shoes.

    1. I notice this too, please people calm down πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™


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