Hmmmmm.......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRIED TO A DREAM KILLER
Good Day Stella.....
Urgent advice is needed.
Please I want to know if my decision is not being selfish. I have been married for 3yrs and I have 2 daughters. The first born is 2yrs plus and the second born is 3 months old.
My husband and I work in the same company but different department and I am being paid well and have more benefits than him.
When I was nursing my second born, my husband came to meet me in his father house and said he thinks i should resign from my job. I didn't give him any reply because I was over-shocked,in my mind I was saying hope this man is alright.
Then the day that i was going back to my base, he mentioned it but this time he was serious.
He said that our first born would be missing her sister ( she stays with my mother in-law) that he wants them to be together always and that his mother cannot monitor them well. I was furious because when father in-law and mother in-law asked me to bring my child to them I said no but they insisted that I will have enough time for myself which I later agreed.
Now my husband wants me to resign and move to their family house that mother in-law is staying. I told him point blank that I can't resign and that I can't stay with his parents.
Actually the job he wants me to resign from is not stressful at all and I was able to build a house and travel out to another country.
My job resumption is 8:am and I close by 5pm. So I have decided that no matter what Will be the outcome of the marriage I Will never resign and stay with his parents because his mother sees a wife as a slave.
He said he will open a shop for me that I will be selling I told him that having a shop will be my second source of income that I know what I faced to get the job, that I can only resign when I can get 2 times of my salary.
I'm also feeding my parents from the salary I earn. He can't take care of my parents like the way I want. I told him that I have a purpose in life that my purpose is not just about being his wife and bearing children. I said I have mission and vision in life. I hope I didn't say too much sha. Thanks
Men who behave like this are jealous and feel threatened of their wife's success oh.....All i will say to you is that you should NOT resign,elsie you will regret it........
Stick to your job o!
ReplyDeleteDo not resign oh,and never move to your in laws house. See finish will just enter.
DeleteDo not resign and 👋 stick to the job like your whole life depends on it
DeleteDo not resign.
DeleteTake back your first daughter and manage to look after them.
Are there daycares around? Make use of such-
You must not resign.
Like I said, I do not like the idea of your toddler living with her grandparents.
DeleteTAKE HER BACK
Please I beg you don't resign 🙏
DeleteDon’t resign and stop talking too much. Tell him to give you 10years
DeleteWhat a horseband. He and his family want to turn you to their slave.
DeleteStand your ground,tell him you dont have head or luck for business. Dont agree no matter how much he tries to emotionally blackmail u. Men like dat its dere stock in trade. Stick to ur job pls. In dis day and age dat good jobs are hard to come by. Mschewww
Why do they want you to move to the family house where the mother in law stays. Dear sis pls go n get your daughter back from your mil asap cos if u will end up divorcing the man they may want to seize your child. Just be wise.take your child and tell him you will resign n he shld give u some time. Once you retrieve your child run with the two n free him till he regains his senses. Hes very wicked for asking you to resign. Na still him go insult u that u re useless when u start depending on only him for money plus the way the economy of country is with Covid better dont lose your job
DeleteExactly, they are trying to turn her to slave. Am sorry to say your husband and his family are feeling intimidated by you and they want to put you down to feel good. Please and please dont resign, not even in this difficult time and save as if your life depend on it cos they will try to frustrate you in different ways.
DeleteYour marriage will go through a lot of turbulent time now so prepare your mind. If you resign, they will show you pepper and if you dont same thing but at least you will console yourself with your job and children instead of turning to housegirl.
By the way you will move in with your mother in law while he stays at home alone ummm...madam please find out they are up to something...or he is planning to bring in another wife ni or he already impregnate someone.
If you resign, i assure you you will regret it big time.
Give birth to the number of children you can take care of because YOU ARE NOT MARRIED YET.
They planned this even before taking your first child from you which is a very big mistake from your part in this time of different molestation, Do not resign, i repeat do not resign and dont fight with them yet, make sure your daughter is safely with you before you change it for them or else they will use that girl against you.
DeleteI said this before and i will repeat it YOU ARE NOT MARRIED YET.
Dear poster,I beg u in d name of d Lord;pls don't resign. Let wisdom guide u,don't fight him. I've been there,still there. All I got from it is insults and disgrace.
DeleteDo nomt resign. If you do your parents will suffer
DeletePoster dont ever resign from your job. Those children will grow but if you are jobless, you will be more frustrated. That your husband will show you shege and your inlaws see me finish will start. Dont ever forget to take care of your parents, because they made you what you have become.
DeletePoster dont ever resign from your job. Those children will grow but if you are jobless, you will be more frustrated. That your husband will show you shege and your inlaws see me finish will start. Dont ever forget to take care of your parents, because they made you what you have become.
DeleteDO NOT RESIGN
ReplyDeleteDO NOT RESIGN
DO NOT RESIGN
DO NOT RESIGN
DO NOT RESIGN
I AM SCREAMING OOOOOO
IF HE LIKES LET HIM CRY BLOOD
DO NOT RESIGN
DO NOT RESIGN.
UNLESS YOUR VILLAGE PPLE ARE AFTER YOUR DESTINY.
On another note; nne, are you not afraid of all these infant abuse stories all over the place? Why send your toddler to go stay with grannies?
DeleteIt seems your husband is up to something. Does he want to go back to being a 'bachelor'? Why didn't he marry someone that is not interested in having a career in the professional space? Madam, your job is the reason why you still get mouth to talk about vision and mission o. Hold it well. Once you resign and move in with his parents, they will remind you how they feed and cloth you with 0 contribution from you. You also have your parents relying in you. Why won't he want his family to live with him? Did he marry for his parents and not himself? Please ask them to let your daughter come visit and make plans to not let her return yo them. I dislike how people from the SW take their grand kids from their parents all in the name of helping. You are missing out on crucial bonding phase with that child and with the stories of abuse flying up and down, it's better to have your kid close by and raise her how you want her to be raised. As she gets older, she will also wonder why she isn't with her own parents.
DeleteDo not resign!!!
DeleteIn my hubby’s family, we are 3 wives of 3 men. 2 of the wives are not really working and are regarded less, like they are slaves, while I, the youngest of the Iyawos is highly regarded because I have a dignifying job that pays times 3 of their son’s salary.
My sister, please keep your job for your sanity. Nobody will take care of your parent more for you. I have to send allowance to my girlfriend’s parents because she isn’t working and her hubby is of the opinion that it is not his responsibility to train another person’s parents with growing kids.
A word is enough for the wise.
NNE pls don't resign let me tell you a short story abt me, am a mother of 3cuties and a banker, when i had my first baby it was really difficult combining my job and motherhood and i was tempted to resign cos the stress wasn't here and hubby was doing so well then so resigning wasn't a thing to fear, luckily for me i told my mum about resigning and she told me one word i will never forget marriage is sweeter when the woman has her own money believe me or not now i have 3kids and indeed my marriage is sweet because i have my own money so nne don't resign take back ur daughter and look for a better way to take care of them while u work thank me later.
DeleteMadam please don't resign. Your husband is yet to tell you the reason behind his decision. He is using your daughter as excuse.
ReplyDeleteI use God take beg you,do not resign,get a Carer and take your first daughter from your in-laws if he insists he wants both children together,but do not resign.
DeleteDear Poster, NEVER YOU resign or EVER STAY WITH YOUR IN-LAWS.. He will threaten you yes but don’t ever succumb.
ReplyDeleteSee what is gonna happen, I’m not been negative but this is how it will go:
If you resign and go stay with his family, you will be used , he will deal mercilessly with you cos you will be at his mercy with no tangible source of income and at the end your marriage will pack up, on the other hand if you do not resign he will also try to frustrate you , call you names etc and at the end the marriage will still pack up or he will let you be if he truly loves you so choose your battle wisely
Madam for the sake of your mental health and respect, please don't ever resign. Fight and win this battle, your husband will eventually let you be if he sees that you're not changing your mind
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
I was about to make this exact comment. A friend of my sister's gave up her company cos her husband wanted her to. Now she's deeply depressed. You can't handle going from being a career woman to having no career and being at your husband's mercy. You can't be so sure that the shop you are about to open will Flourish. Do not quit your job no matter what he tells you. Your husband strikes me as a controller, you should be careful. His type would do anything to control you including sabotaging and gaslighting you. I hope it doesn't get that far.
DeleteThis kind of man sef will not allow her own a shop, he is using that to cajole her.....why dont you tell him to resign sice you earn more and you open a shop for him...awon were gbogbo
DeleteFirst question Pls... Is your daughter living permanently with your in-laws, if yes that's not correct. She's God's gift to you and hubby and you both own her the duty to train her properly.
ReplyDeleteSince they are now two... Why not get a Nanny that comes and goes at least you finish from work on time.
Your husband may lightly be speaking based on the discussion he had with the mother, so you need to apply great wisdom in this matter.
Apply to his emotions, don't turn it to a fight. Let you both find solution to this matter. It can be resolved .
I agree with u
Delete👍👍👍
DeleteIt’s the in-laws that insisted they woman has enough time to care for her children
DeleteAbi o,pls get a nanny and let your daughter stay with you. Dont like the idea of a baby dat young being away from d mother. With sexual molestation stories dat fly left and right pls let ur daughter be with you. She can go for holidays with ur inlaws.
DeleteFind a reliable nanny pls.
Poster dont resign. However. you must use tact and sense to overcome. Tell him he has a point but that you both have to pray about it. During the 21 days prayer, go and park your car at the mechanic and tell him it spoilt and the engine has to be changed. Like 800k. Ask him for it. Or any huge bill will do. If he doesn't bring it, dont pressure. After the prayers, tell him that it's a sign that you both have to contribute to the home front. Infact, I dont know again. Just cook up a style and story that will end this matter amicably. Your husband is a mamas boy. Thread carefully if you want peace. But, never ever RESIGN
DeleteGet a nanny. Do not resign!
DeleteI won't be surprised if his parents put the idea in his head.
ReplyDeleteOf course nah!
DeleteI thought as much bcos immediately I told him I can't resign,he said he will tell his father that I said I can't stay in their family house. And I replied him that no problem.
DeleteI said it in my previous comment, your husband is a controller. Please you need to see a psychologists to learn more about his behaviour.
DeleteWhy would he want you to live with his parents? Did you marry his parents? Hmmm. Let me stop here.
Please get a daycare to put your kids. Go and get your 1st child one of these weekends,tell them she just wants to play with you for the weekend and don't return her,have your kids close by incase they want to try nonsense. I bet your nlaws don't like the fact that your pay is higher than their sons' own. Very greedy people. Don't ever resign
DeletePoster, I am a man and I can authoritatively tell you that your husband is mad. If you resign from That job....let me stop here
ReplyDeleteLMFAO!!! This was hilarious. God bless you mehn.
DeleteWith the way Nigeria is right now one man is allowing his ego and that of his parents to control his home.
DeleteDO NOT RESIGN from that your job even if the pay is 50k,don't resign rather tell him to resign and go and open a business and see how he will feel.
Nonsense.
Once you resign, you will see the beast you married, he won't give you money for your parents and he won't take care of them and at the end of the day,he will cheat and claim that he wants a woman that is exposed.
Exactly @ Brown sucre, her husband should be the one to resign and open the shop. Imagine saying she should resign and go live with his parents?? Mstchew.
DeleteLaff won kee me die BUHAHAHAHAHAHA
DeleteI can never choose a marriage over my career if given a choice. I've been there. After my kids ,na career. I'm suffering now, by suffering I mean I can't even change my pants, they're all tore just beca I was mumu ,I stayed back home while the man is the one giving me whatever he deem fit which is not even enough to run the house talk less of taken care of me, can't even afford to make hair, me that was a slay mama before, thank God that no one in this town know the former me, now o don resign to fate
ReplyDeleteYou can still find yourself
DeletePoster , read what this anon just wrote and let it sink in!
DeleteAny sensible person knows career is important in life. Your daily bread should never be at the mercy of anyone. An insecure man who wants to control and break you, will first take away your means of livelihood then from there it is only God that can help you.
DeleteBini,it really sink to my brain and I have some people that have gone through that and they are deeply regreting it. Nothing can change my mind even if he uses the children as an excuse.
Delete@ Olutosin from there he'd alienate her from friends, then family. Depression will then kick in. By then only God can save her. I've seen it happen real.
DeleteWhy will you resign to fate? Dust your arse and start over, it's not to late to start up something, you and your children will thank you for it in future.
DeletePlease don't resign ma'am. If you resign, I can assure it that you will regret it. Just make him see reasonable reasons why you can't depend only on business.
ReplyDeleteThis one that you are taking care of your parents, don't think business will bring you money every time o, sometimes in business you can go a whole week of selling very little.
Apply wisdom ma.
Madam no matter what your husband says don't resign.
ReplyDeletePoster let me tell you this and it’s your choice to take it or not. This your idea of being apart from your little child in the name of work is not okay. We need to understand the damage we do to kids when we leave them with others in the name of working, grand ma or not! How can u live apart from your 3 year old? This is when she needs you nah. You say u agreed that u will have time for yourself? Time for what?I wish u can see the future u will know this money u are chasing means nothing. Get a job where u will be with you kids, nurture and watch them grow. Your husband is right in saying his mum might not monitor your daughter well. She has already been a mother. It’s time for you to be one. Wish you luck!!
ReplyDeleteSo you didn't read the part that their daughter staying with her in law was all her in laws idea
DeleteMoney is not everything but it's okay for the children and parents to suffer, abi?
DeletePoster, my mum did this and she regrets and laments everyday cuz my dad doesn't have much to sustain us!
The man can resign and do the nurturing afterall the wife earns more.
DeleteExactly she needs to be with her child. Most women who go to work achieve this. She can too while working at the same time. But in this case, the grandma was the one who forced her to bring her child to stay with them. The lady never complained of her child living with her and taking care of her child while working at the same time.
DeleteAny you didn’t get the part where I said she agreeing to it based on their reason is wrong. In-laws idea my foot, did she not have a choice to agree or not and she claimed she did. Always jumping to comment and not getting the full intent of the message. Are you the poster?
DeleteApply wisdom poster. Having 2 children is not the end of the world. After all our parents had 5 or 6 children and they catered for us and were working too mothers especially. Everybody was OK then so will you be poster.
DeletePlease have a nanny, 8am to 7pm nanny that goes to her house not necessarily sleeping at your place.
You will be fine, just apply wisdom for peace sake else you will end up resigning unjustly.
I'm not comfortable with it but I just had to let her stay there so that she will attend better school in Lagos bcos we are staying in a remote town in Ogun state which is not far to my place of work. And I checked on her every weekend and spend my leave holiday with her.
DeleteThere are good schools in ogun state. Please bring her back home and put her in a private school near your work place. Weekends you can also teach her all she needs to know insolvent she can be ahead of her class. Since you are in a remote area school fees and nanny salary will not cost you much. I will not forgive you if you resign makachi.
DeletePoster, you see this anonymous 15:22, do not, I repeat, do not listen to it. Do not resign your job. You can bring back your lil girl home, employ a help or a nanny that will tend to the needs of your kids. Anonymous, do you have another job for her? Do you have another job that will pay as much as her current for her? Will you be sending money to her parents and for her wellbeing as she looks for another job? Bankers no dey marry, born children and still go to work?
DeletePoster I repeat, do not resign your job.
Poster, you see this anonymous 15:22, do not, I repeat, do not listen to it. Do not resign your job. You can bring back your lil girl home, employ a help or a nanny that will tend to the needs of your kids. Anonymous, do you have another job for her? Do you have another job that will pay as much as her current for her? Will you be sending money to her parents and for her wellbeing as she looks for another job? Bankers no dey marry, born children and still go to work?
DeletePoster I repeat, do not resign your job.
Madam poster, your daughter is just 2 years old.
DeleteI'm sure you can get a good nursery school for her in your base, even if you call it a remote place...
Let her live with you for now abeg.
Weekends does not cut it. The idea is find a process that allows you raise your children yourself. If you listed to these people shouting “do not resign” without letting you see a bit of your husbands side and find a solution, it might affect your marriage. Find a balance. Don’t be jobless but be with your kids. Your family comes first
DeleteMy dear, your child is only 2 years. What is she learning? She can be home for now while you figure out a good nursery for her. Get an educated nanny who can stay with her and take her through nursery rhymes, buy her story books etc since your husband is using her as an excuse. Or better still let your husband resign and stay with her at home. Why must it be you?
DeleteInstall CCTV in the house, you should not have allowed your daughter go live with her grandparents at all.
Your husband is being selfish, dishing out instructions like you are his slave. How dare he opens his mouth to say you should resign? Have you guys explored other possible solution to this? Why must it be you to resign? Not everyone is wired for business.
Is It out of his salary you will take care of your parents and every single thing you need? The fact that ones home comes first doesn't mean one should not think about one's parents welfare.
What if he loses his job?
Abeg, do not listen to anyone that tells you to resign. Your husband's decision is borne out of envy and nothing more and if you agree, frustration will be your middle name.
All the best.
She can get a nanny and install camera with inverter or get a good creche around now. Poster i stay in Lagos with 2 children too, i work in the island and stay on the mainland shey you can imagine the traffic and am coping well. Thank God no traffic in Ogun state, you will get home fast. You will bw extra sensitive to your children sha.
Deleteyour husband no try at all,plss madam don't resignnnnnnn......
ReplyDeleteResign for wetin? Dont you dare try it oh else you will be sending in a bitter chronicle soon....if the marriage wants to pack up, let it pack but DO NOT RESIGN!
ReplyDeleteYou didn't say anything bad. What kind of wicked man is he? Getting jealous of success in his own life? This life na wa. This kinda husband can't be trusted, shine ya eyes poster, remain woke. Take your daughter from his mother and hire a live in nanny. Dont even discuss the job with him again, pretend like you guys never discussed it and begin to live your normal work and home life.
ReplyDeleteResign for wetin? Dont you dare try it oh else you will be sending in a bitter chronicle soon....if the marriage wants to pack up, let it pack but DO NOT RESIGN!
ReplyDeleteStella, this one is more than jealousy; this is witchcraft. Poster, you mean he wants you to resign so you will be a slave to his family. They want to dictate to you how you should live your life. I'm sure his folks put him to it, as if you are not someone else's child.
ReplyDeleteHow did you get this man? Please tell him to resign and be with his parents and the baby. Tell him since it's his parents, it's more practical and you will open shop for him.
Don't you ever resign from your job!!!!!
Super proud of you....as long as your kids are fine and you are bonding with them fine. your hubby will be fine last last.
ReplyDeleteResign ye Not.
ReplyDeleteHe who has ears,should hear what the Lord is saying right now
This Life no balance ooo.parents should learn to stay off their children's material affairs particularly critical decision like career path and all.
DeleteAnything said by parents should be under Advertisement not law.
How can a grown up man still get his parents involved in his material affairs.?If you know as a man that you're not ready to leave your parents and cleave to your wife,please do not marry based on societal pressure oo or having children abeg.
In this economy madam wish you well oo.
The Holy Spirit will direct you if you're a Christian to make the right decision for your immediate family ooo.
Find a balance ooo.It can be done.being a wife,rasisng children,your children and all IF you have a good HEAD(husband) that says beyond all these temporary issues oo.
However,if you married the other way round hmmmmmm.there is God.Is anything too difficult for God?
Shalom.
@19:46, marital affairs!!!! Not material. My goodness!
DeleteDon't ever leave your job.
ReplyDeleteDo not ever resign.
Get your first daughter back from your in laws. If they want a child with them, your mother in law should bore another child for herself.
You are not necessarily wrong but there is a fundamental problem in your marriage.
ReplyDeleteThe problem here is that you both have,
"my salary, what I earn, what he earns" instead of "what we earn, our income."
A marriage, right. But the two are separate and not one in any ramification at all.
The marriage is filled with selfish ambitions and unhealthy competitions. This is the bane of marriages that and lives that are lived outside of Christ.
Both of you have to leave your parents and begin the process of being together and that in Christ.
Aunty advicer she is not wrong. If her husband was thinking about "what we earn" he wouldn't tell her to resign and go stay with his parents. I don't like your type of advisers that see the truth but don't say it. The poster is right to look out for herself. And yes, what she earns!!!
Delete@16:54
DeleteYes, she is not wrong and I wrote it.
Is her marriage on a wrong footing? Yes, and I also wrote it.
Is the husband part of the marriage that is wrong? Yes, it takes two to tango.
They both spread their mats that way and they both should put it right. However,
I am talking to the woman who wrote us, the husband did not write in. Until then. Cheers.
@17:23 you are absolutely right. The marriage has some foundational issues but poster you are right in insisting on your financial independence.
DeleteIt’s not by force to give advice. You people will soon tell women to cut off their heads for marriage
DeleteYou should be with your kids.
ReplyDeleteTwo of them
What kind of a mother are you? So you can stay without your 3 year old? Una get mind oh.
Do not resign but stay with your daughters.No one should be grandma or grandpa.
This una marriage sef
They forced her to leave the child with them, now they are complaining that she needs to come and take care of her child.
DeleteI allowed her to be there bcos she will attend better school in we arLagos ande staying in a small town in Ogun state which is not far from my place of work.o always check on her every weekend and spend my leave holiday with her.
DeleteOlutosin, I see this as a preplanned work to force her out of job. 1st take her daughter away from her, then guilt trip her with her daughter into quitting her job to come live with them (in-law).
DeletePoster no gree ooooo. Nija and life are already hard, pls dont make your life any harder.
Diamond in the house, it is so obvious his parent are the one running that marriage. Are you married to the the parent, that you want to go and start living with them? So she would quit her job and be with them and the husband starts living alone in ogun state like a single guy abi? Are they trying to break her home or what? Honestly i don't even understand again. Poster, Whether resign or not your marriage arrangement is somehow, thanks to the parent intrusiveness.
DeleteI know you won't resign because you have sense.
@Diamond in the house, Spot on!
DeletePLEASE DON'T RESIGN!!!!!
ReplyDeleteBV Black Slimzy
Your parent will send you to school with their sweat and one stupid man will suddenly come from nowhere to ruin your destiny. Divorce that man if push comes to shove. Did you go to school to end up using your certificate to open a shop. If you weren't a graduate will he ask you out or look your side? Nonsense. It is a different thing if you couldn't secure a job and he asks you to get a shop but a job that has done so many great things in your life is what he is asking you to leave. His parent are obviously nagging and tired of taking care of your kid they want to come and slave for them.
ReplyDeleteYou are even getting me angry, what do mean by hope you did not say too much? You didn't even say enough. The earlier women know that they have their own destiny and glory asides being a wife and a in this life, the better for them. Everyone is a star but some has let a mere mortal in form of a husband to ruin their glory. Another person you did not know from Adam while growing up but you just gave the liberty to share your life with you will just come from nowhere to take over your life and dreams just like that and also demand you ruin your glory and you will listen because you want to bear Mrs. Who is he by the way?
Thank you so much
DeleteThank you. Poster hasn't even started talking yet and she's asking if she said too much. Such a wicked man that another person will divorce because he spew such nonsense.
DeletePoster, move your child from his parents house and enrol her in a daycare that you can pick her after work. If it's that easy to resign, why is your husband not resigning himself.
Thank you. Poster hasn't even started talking yet and she's asking if she said too much. Such a wicked man that another person will divorce because he spew such nonsense.
DeletePoster, move your child from his parents house and enrol her in a daycare that you can pick her after work. If it's that easy to resign, why is your husband not resigning himself.
Dear Poster, please do not resign. Most men that do this are eithier jealous of your success or they feel less as a man. That was how my hubby threatened me that its eithier I chose my job or him. I told him my job. Who will take care of my parents if I leave my job. Funny I earn way more than him hence he insecurities. Men!!! Please stick to you job. He will blackmail you emotionally but please stick to being you. Make yourself and your kids your priority.
DeleteChai ooo. Some women yaff suffer. E be like sey ya husband and his family are planning to deal with you. But one good point he has is your children should be together with you both as parents (not only the mother brings up kids). I don't think you should resign or go stay with your inlaws. Just try to balance things out. Pls give us feedback.
DeleteWhatever you do, DO NOT RESIGN!
ReplyDeleteDon’t resignnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ooooooooooooooooooooooo
ReplyDeleteHe is your husband because you agreed to make him so, you also have the power to un-husband him, if he tries to his boundary by controlling your destiny. Too many Destiny destroyer in form of husbands. You don't know the devil can use a man to prevent you from reaching your glory? The chronicle have been reading lately be vexing me.
ReplyDeleteGod hates divorce. Just apply wisdom. Marriage na patience, that's why its not for those that vex easily else you go vex run mad.. you must not b bipolar too else pple wld think the woman has gone crazy lol..poster and husband will b alright last last
Delete16:45 Tell that to the man who will likely push for it, with the way he is going about trying to manipulate another person's destiny. Insecure men who hide under the disguise of husbands to make a woman subservient should never be married in the first place.
DeleteAn old adage from our place(yoruba tribe) says 'It is only a bastard child that will see a thing of anger and not get angry'. There is nothing like someone vexing angrily, it just depends on the partner you are coupled with. Some partner make your destiny shine and bring out a sweet side of you you never knew existed while some use their hands to cover your glory, and can turn the sweetest angel into a demon if you allow them. Look at Ngozi okonjo-iweala, she is someone's wife. Look at where she is today. She wasn't born with two heads. Are you not tired of reading chronicles of women who stayed at home and resigned only for them to start disturbing stella for help to feed.
Poster's husband is pushing towards divorce with the backing and prodding of his parent if he tries to force joblessness on her based on this situation on ground, there are no two ways about it, She will never leave her job for her marriage.
I wish them all the best.
Olutosin this one that you carry the matter on your head like this ....she has heard you naaaa
DeleteGod bates divorce doesn’t mean he hates divorcees or that divorce is a sin. Same bible suggests divorce when there is adultery. Please
DeleteSorry no vex😂
DeleteI am writing from another person experience O
What the lady i know suffered and is still suffering because she resigned I cannot type. That is why i took it personal 😁
Please I'm begging you in the name of God, I've been there and all I can tell you is that it'll never end well.. Once you resign your job, that's it you'll end up begging for money to buy ordinary pad, you won't even know when you'll start using rags for your period..
ReplyDeleteHow can you even have mind to drop your 3year old with your in-laws? If you have money like you claim, what stops you from employing a nanny or put them in creche? You no try for that one, look for a way to bring your child back, if you cannot look after them yourself, why give birth?
Please do not resign from your job.
ReplyDeleteSecondly please stay with your children. Get a well paid Nanny amd install CCTV camera in your house. Once you close from work spend time with your children. What ever you do don't resign.
Madam na beg I dey beg you. DON'T RESIGN.
ReplyDeleteMoreso please take your daughter and stay with you. Get a Nanny that will stay with you from 6am to 6/7pm.
Men can't be trusted now.
DON'T RESIGN.
Get cctv camera and connect it to your phone, look for a mature nanny that can come in the morning and leave in the evening or if you want a leave in nanny fine too. Go get your child from your In-laws place and y'all should stay in your matrimonial home and figure it out. I and my husband both work I am a banker, while he's a govt worker and this is what I did and anyone that comes I will tell you and show you that I can see you treat my kids well and i respect them too. don't leave your job for whatever reason if not you are going to regret it. Don't fight with your husband but let him see reason why you can't leave your job, how much his he earning that will cater for a family of 4 ? With the present situatuon of thing in this country don't even think about it, with time self you husband will start resenting you or mistreating you because you are at his mercy. WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS DON'T RESIGN FROM YOUR WORK
ReplyDeleteWhich kind husband be this? inferiority complex. Please do not resign. Continue with your job and let him do his worst.
ReplyDeleteHey poster,
ReplyDeleteTell him to resign instead, since your pay and benefits are higher than his. Let's see how red his face will become.
Listen, even if he promises to give you double of what you earn every month for you to resign, stick to your guns and insist on being a working mom. Don't let "family" blackmail you emotionally into becoming a housewife.
Best of luck.
Pls don’t resign. You also have a destiny to fulfill and being in one shop ain’t it. As much as I love marriage, you both have to make it work.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is between you and your husband. Decisions should be made by you both. Enough of my in law says. I’m not asking you to be rude but find a way to bring back your child under your care. I’m too sure your mum in-law would never have agreed any of her children out of her sight at a tender age. She can always come and check on her grandkids anything she feels like.
Please DO NOT RESIGN. It will end in premium tears. The current economic situation in Nigeria can’t allow only one spouse cater for the needs of the house and you have your parents who also swear to send you to school hoping to reap their fruits on you. God will give you wisdom to handle everything.
Pls don’t resign. You also have a destiny to fulfill and being in one shop ain’t it. As much as I love marriage, you both have to make it work.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is between you and your husband. Decisions should be made by you both. Enough of my in law says. I’m not asking you to be rude but find a way to bring back your child under your care. I’m too sure your mum in-law would never have agreed any of her children out of her sight at a tender age. She can always come and check on her grandkids anything she feels like.
Please DO NOT RESIGN. It will end in premium tears. The current economic situation in Nigeria can’t allow only one spouse cater for the needs of the house and you have your parents who also swear to send you to school hoping to reap their fruits on you. God will give you wisdom to handle everything.
Pls don’t resign. You also have a destiny to fulfill and being in one shop ain’t it. As much as I love marriage, you both have to make it work.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is between you and your husband. Decisions should be made by you both. Enough of my in law says. I’m not asking you to be rude but find a way to bring back your child under your care. I’m too sure your mum in-law would never have agreed any of her children out of her sight at a tender age. She can always come and check on her grandkids anything she feels like.
Please DO NOT RESIGN. It will end in premium tears. The current economic situation in Nigeria can’t allow only one spouse cater for the needs of the house and you have your parents who also swear to send you to school hoping to reap their fruits on you. God will give you wisdom to handle everything.
Why not get a nanny and a cctv? Ot put your baby in a creche. Why did you even leave your child there? You have a good job, why not spend it on your child. Again, don't you ever resign from that job.
ReplyDeleteAm a man.dont resign.my life became more meaningful immediately my wife got a good job.i spent over a million for my wife to get a good FG job.now,we are both happy cos we both have money.
ReplyDeleteMadam everyone has told you, go and get your daughter, good school or not she is just in nursery years by secondary she can go to a good boarding school in lagos if you so desire, are u trying to tell me that your colleagues don't raise their kids in that town? If you have a well paying job that you can build a house and travel abroad from then i don't think it's a primitive place.
ReplyDelete1) get your mum plus a nanny to live with you while you bring your daughter back
2) install the cctv and have a nanny watch over them, the nanny can be a 6am to 6pm. 6am so she can help prepare your daughter before you both leave for work and school. don't let money rob you of a bond between yourself and your children, who says you can't have a successful career and a home?
Also create a special time to talk to your husband to support you and table your options before him so that he can also have an input and feel like he is part of the decision making (men love to be the deciders). Tell him your home is between both of you so both of you should plan and be involved in raising your kids.
Finally, your next goal should be to setup your own business (please setup with your money) do this setup as you work so that you can have more financial freedom and time for your family in the long run.
Above all don't forget to pray and ask the holy spirit to guide you and make your home loving and peaceful. Wish you all the best.
O
Our advice is similar.
DeleteThat was how my husband insisted that I resigned in 2016, everyone asked him why but he had no answer. I sha resigned for peace to reign. Now, he is busy complaining to everyone that I am lazy and I have refused to do anything. My dear, keep your job and find a way to balance it with the home/ kids
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeletePoster from your comments, you are concerned about school for your kid/s. With your current predicament, i'd suggest you bring back your kid. She's only 3. You can assist with her learning during weekends. Tell oga that all hands should be on deck. When your child is about 5-6years you can hire an extra mural teacher and also get lagos syllabus to help augment with the one she is being taught in the rural area where you reside. However, do not be too busy for your kids. Make out time and keep watchful eyes on them. Do not succumb to pressure of quitting your job. Two things will happen eventually. 1. Quitting and being maltreated which will result to break in your marriage. Oh yes even if you stay, you will resent him to death 2. Not quitting which may or may not break your marriage. Marriage can break but do not ever allow anybody threaten your source of livelihood, otherwise you are finished!!
ReplyDeletePoster, kindly go and bring your first child to live with you! You & your husband truly deserve yourselves! You leave her with in-laws as a baby herself! Why outsource parenting? Why bringing these wonderful gifts to the world & not be intentional parents! You should be ashamed of yourself....even if you live in Zamfara, have your children & nurture them!!!! Don't resign but pls be more concerned about bringing your first child back home!!!! I wonder what values you and your husband choose to build your union on! So sad & Shameful!
ReplyDeleteDear poster, pls NEVER resign that job!
ReplyDeleteSteps to take:
1) Get back your child
2) Go with both children and your husband back to your base at Ogun state
3) Get a Nanny ASAP, you might have to ask your parents to help you search for someone, that way you know the person's root!
4) Start being selfish, look out for yourself and your comfort, because your husband is very selfish. Cater for your children, be happy and live your best life!
See ehh, if you resign you will suffer, your parents will suffer, your children will suffer and lastly he will so maltreat you ehhh and because you depend totally on him, you won't be able to say anything. Don't forget that you'll be living with his parents so the maltreatment there sef go worse pass the one your husband will be dishing out to you in per second billings!
DO NOT RESIGN
DO NOT RESIGN
DO NOT RESIGN
IF THE MARRIAGE WANTS TO SCATTER IT SHOULD SCATTER. BUT WHATEVER HAPPENS, WHATEVER HE SAYS OR HIS MUM SAYS, DO NOT RESIGN!!! YES I AM SHOUTING, I'VE SEEN THIS HAPPEN OVER AND OVER AGAIN. THEY MAKE YOU TOTALLY DEPENDENT ON THEM, THEREBY CLIPPING YOUR WINGS, MALTREAT YOU AND STILL LEAVE YOU WITH NOT ONLY A BROKEN HEART BUT A BROKEN SPIRIT ALSO.....
DO NOT RESIGN I BEG YOU IN THE NAME OF GOD,
ReplyDeleteDO NOT RESIGN I BEG YOU IN THE NAME OF GOD,
I am shouting because your story is almost the same as mine but in my own case I did resigned and till today I'm still regretting that singular decision. This month make it 3years of joblessness and no business to keep soul and mind together. The funniest part of it is that the same man that asked me to resign is the one talking to people on how I'll get a job now. Please and please DO NOT RESIGN. Btw, go get your daughter from your in-laws.
Sister girl you did not say too much. However, why can't your first child live with you since you claim your job is not stressful? Go and pick your child up ASAP!! At 2 years plus, she can start prelim school and you find a way to pick her up after school.
ReplyDeleteDon't mind your husband, stay put at your job.
Don't resign.
ReplyDeleteDon't move to his family house.
Do NOT resign.
ReplyDeleteDo Not resign.
Do Not resign.
Do Not resign.
There are certain things i feel you may have omitted from this chronicle but correct me if i am wrong.
ReplyDeleteI thought its against the ethics of some company to have husband and wife work there. Is the company aware both of you are married? Could that be the reason you sent your kids to live with your inlaws?
Whatever be the case, let your kids live with you and do not resign.
Reason with your husband. Both of you should find a solution. Child rearing isnt the sole responsibility of the woman. Let him see the importance of two source of income in the home. Explain to him in a cool manner. Bring your kids home and give them motherly and fatherly care. Manage the school you have there and watch your kids yourselves.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Many companies allow it as long as they are in different units ...poster said they are in different departments
DeleteDO NOT RESIGN
ReplyDeleteDO NOT RESIGN
DO NOT RESIGN
TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER BACK you build a relationship with your children from this young age; you must take her back and lay the right foundation with your children because teenage years no be beans ask SDK. The foundation you build now with your young children will see you through the teenage years.
TAKE YOUR CHILD BACK ASAP yes I’m shouting
DO NOT RESIGN
ReplyDeleteDO NOT RESIGN
WHATEVER HE IS ASKING YOU TO DO IS HIS MOTHER'S IDEA
I pray you listen to all this good advice. Do not resign and go get your child.
ReplyDeleteI suspect your parents in-law planned all this right from the time they took your first child. You just didn't sense it. Your husband has been feeding them with how insecure he is since you earn more that's why they have such a strong say in how your home should run. Taking that child from you is NOT a sign of love!
Do not feel guilty about taking good decisions that affect your life and your sanity. If your husband and in-laws wanted the marriage to work, they will act right too. Don't allow ANYONE guilt trip you! I see your are smart! God will continue to guide you and give you wisdom to run your home.
your story is similar to mine that's why I am writing this much.
1. I was asked to resign from a well paying job that is not stressful.
2. We live in the outskirts of town.
3. Tush schools are in town not where we reside.
4. I have an 8-5pm job and even work later than 5pm on some days.
5. I do not have a nanny.
The only difference is I have 4 children all below 10. I still find time to make homemade meals. We bond during cooking and meal times.
so here's what we do...
...We wake up latest 5am,leave home at 6:40am, we drop them off at school and then go to work and we pick them up on our way home.
...Get machines to do what they can do.
...Buy food on days you can't cook.
...You don't have to sweep in the mornings.
...Our children attend school right in our neighborhood. They will be fine!
My story, before we found the balance up there...
When our first child was 1week old, my father in-law asked me to resign from a FG APPOINTMENT! I explained and tried to make him see reasons why I shouldn't as the job was not stressful in anyway and would still give me time to run my home, he said and I quote..."it's an order,its not up for discussion" so I kept mute even though I knew deep down I will not resign because the more I tried to explain, the angrier he became. Now, this was a shocker for me because my husband and I actually discussed this job thing before marriage and I made it clear I can't be a housewife. So imagine a marriage that was barely a year old having such heat plus I just had our first child.
I prayed,gosh,i have never prayed so much in my life. I cried and cried too because I sensed their mind was made up but I didn't want to involve my parents so I bore it all alone while counting down to the end of my mat leave as that was the deadline they set. In the middle of that three months I kept trying to explain still no result. I kept thinking to the point it affected my milk supply and sleep. One day, a moment of clarity came and I realised that the worst case scenario would be that the marriage will pack up. That was the defining moment for me because I knew without a doubt that I would suffer if I left my wellbeing to them. So I said to myself, I will resume, drop my baby in a creche and if that ends things fine. At least I will still have a job to sustain me. I also knew my parents especially my father will never support that I quit my job. I won't lie, I was determined not to quit and asked God for insight.
Dear poster, I resumed from mat leave and God took control!
My father in-law called to confirm because he was told I had resumed, he said all sorts but I kept mute, after all it was a phone conversation.
Today we are all fine and laugh over it. He then explained he was scared they will be harmed by others carers.
This year, we marked our 10years wedding anniversary. What am I trying to say? After a while your husband will calm down but to make it faster, take your child from them! That way, there is less gossip about you between them.
God's wisdom upon you.
Don't resign, and don't get pregnant again. Believe me you will see pepper if you leave employment and you will never smell a shop.
ReplyDeleteIs your husband ok?
ReplyDeletethis reminds me of when my husband and his family fought me and gave me so much grief for refusing to resign from a job that paid £200 per day at the time and return to nigeria to live with him. his monthly salary was 120,000 naira. i stood my ground and told him to go to blazes.
ReplyDeletetoday, he is living in the UK with me, he has just gotten his British citizenship which he has been bragging about to his entire family and we own our own home (thanks to my bumper earnings).
poster, you have to put your foot down and refuse to resign from that job. some husbands/in laws are just pure evil and mean.
Where will your husband stay while you stay with his parents?
ReplyDeleteDoes he want to relocate to another state or country?
Nne they are planning something ooo.
Do not resign and stay with his parents.
What happened to the house you built?
Do not resign.
Sorry will be your name.
A typical Nigerian man thinks that immediately you have two kids as a woman you don turn "after two " and your own don finish mtchew, nne pls don't resign no matter what
ReplyDelete#princesspinky
Poster Resign at your own peril, cos na real shege you go see,men are the most unpredictable creatures on earth, they change more than chameleons oo, pls keep that Gods giving job for your sanity cos Nigeria economy is o next level
ReplyDelete