Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Sunday, November 22, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

 Hmmmmm.......



STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRYING SOMEONE WHO IS NOT YOUR SPEC



Hi Stella, Good day. I trust you are doing well.


I have a question that has been bothering me. It has to do with this thing called 'spec'. ?


So the guy I'm seeing right now is not my spec, he is in fact the exact opposite. 

My spec is tall, slim and dark, he is short, fair and on the plus side. I decided to look past just the physical because on paper, this guy has 7/10 of what I'll want in a life partner but somehow I'm hung up on the physical. 


We don't really see often because of work even though we are in the same town but when we do, I'm just always disappointed. I don't know if I was expecting him to get taller or slimmer over time. But I'm not just wowed by him. You can say I'm not really proud to be seen with him or show him off. When I imagined my husband as a little girl, this is not the image I had. I just can't help but say to myself 'is this the best you can do'.


I'm really confused on what to do. 


Please those that didn't marry their spec, how is it going for you. Is it overhyped?. 

How do you see someone responsible with great potential but the physical is just hindering feelings. I'm not irritated by him or anything like that but I don't feel content to go on a journey of life. We all have our flaws and I believe that if he was my spec, I'll definitely overlook most of those things because they are quite frankly not bad. But because he isn't, I tend to latch unto the small things and try to talk myself out of the relationship. I also worry about the looks of my children.


Let's say I decide I can't even go ahead, how can I break up with someone that hasn't done anything wrong to me. I'm not desperate or anything even though I just turned 28 last week. I just fear I'll be missing out on a great future because of looks.


 FYI: it's not about the money, we are both doing exceptionally well individually and I make almost as much as him. He is planning to come and see my family (like introduction) very soon and is ready to settle down at the beginning of next year. We've been dating for a little over a year. He has no idea of my fears. 

Please I need your advice.


Also please. How did you know you had met the 'one'?





Please do not marry him if you feel this way cos you will not make this man happy...I dont know what women really want....you see a good one,you complain and look for flaws,you see a bad one same thing...
The image you had of your husband as a little girl belong in the story of Disney's barbie...you are facing reality as a adult now......
There is no need to be asking questions when your mind is not there...If we convince you today now and your first child turns out looking like your husband,you will blame us.....
Please dont marry him oooh,release him so that he can find someone who loves him just the way he is.....

115 comments:

  1. Stella ooo....Please poster, don't marry him ooh... Someone that loves that spec would find him

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please you haven't found your husband
      Do not manage
      If this one mistakenly lose his job enh...
      Please keep searching

      Delete
    2. My two cents . Look beyond his physical appearance to see if you'll feel something for him . Do you know if that your spec wants you . Don't throw a good man away cos of spec . Spec ko , spectacle ni . I belive you'll find something exciting in him .

      Delete
    3. Pushup is right. If he looses his job she won't be able to stand him. And those are the thing we are looking for. Someone you will like and stay in love with through thick and thin.

      Delete
    4. You people are not even answering the question apart from bashing the girl. You people that didn't marry your spec, how things be now? Those of you that are married, how did you know the person was the one. I wan learn too

      Delete
    5. The only thing you can't work on is the height except you want to give him men heels. Stylishly help him lose weight

      Delete
    6. Dear poster, marrying your "spec" is highly over rated. The important things are is he a nice person? Is he nice to people when they annoy him? How does he treat his family and yours, is he nice and kind to the vulnerable *old people and children?
      Looks are so over rated pls ask anyone who married a guy man. They will tell u. They make the worst husbands. Your dreams belong in dreamland. Wakeup and face reality

      Delete
    7. Madam its not too late to back out. Don't force it o.

      Delete
    8. I hope when you meet your 'spec' e no go get coma. Not saying you should marry an ugly or unattractive man but you need to focus on his character more and other factors. All the best.

      Delete
    9. babe y now u know ur spec and u decided to date a non spectacle of urs why did u vent into the relationship at all, am someone like u so during my days of dating i didn't date anyone that wasn't my spec to avoid this that is happening to u now so my own advice for u is to let this man go because u wont be happy with him especially when he messes up cos trust me along the line u will mess up so will he too.

      Delete
  2. Do not go ahead with any plans for the future. Find a way to delay the introduction. If you marry him, you will live in regrets for ever. From being unhappy, moody, to a little below hatred for him. Free him and yourself to avoid comparing him to other men outside you don't know how they live inside. Breaking up with him now might be difficult but living with him will be hard and that's more than the relationship you have now. Choose wisely.

    Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you both a favour and call off this relationship.

      The perfect litmus test for a situation like this is to CHECK YOUR PEACE. You are only 28 so no need to rush.

      Delete
    2. Pls do not marry him. You will hurt this man and be miserable forever.
      I've always been attracted to fair men and vice versa. The day I saw my husband, I had butterflies in my tummy; he's very dark & super cute. We're still together 21 years after.
      Choose your choice.

      Delete
    3. Please don't marry that man o am a living witness..pls

      Delete
  3. Forever is a long time to endure!!!! Please leave him now before it's too late and let him get somone who truly loves him....

    ReplyDelete
  4. Biko NNE help me post the nigha number for the comment section,I need it abeg I just want to check something...thanks bebe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I swear..post his number..there are ladies who love fat/Chubby, fair and short guys .Inukwa!!!He eent after you and you accepted him..didnt you see all these physical attributes?He can slim down but what about height?tou can't change his height

      Delete
    2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
    3. E no tire you laidis.

      The fact that she had to settle for that man that contradicts what she likes physically for a
      WHOLE YEAR goes to show her "SPEC", ain't checking for her at all. Tall, slim and dark could be your spec but ask yourself, are you their spec too? Or her spec do not have the qualities she sees in him so why all these questions? The answer is clear at this point.

      Poster have you even seeked 'God's face on the matter?' God will not give you your 'spec' but he will give you the right man for you. He does not see like we see.

      Delete
    4. Lol. Poster an applicant is here. Kindly release the number for ladies to try their luck. I'm sure they will do justice by him.

      Lovelace

      Delete
    5. Madame koinkoin A.K.A "PeaceMaker "22 November 2020 at 15:51

      Hahahahhahahahaha poster please attend to this S.o.s sharperly, give out the number in peace. Some women get mind sha, instead of you to send us CHRONICLE on how you should help him look like your spec aside his skin colour, you are there shouting up and down Mmmtwwwwwww.Madame abeg talk true are you perfect your self? No be to dey speak heavy grammar.

      Delete
    6. πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

      Delete
  5. Fascinating! It be nice you let him go as this kinda relationship eventually goes South.He ain't your spec like you said and the both of you sure will be doing yourselves a whole lotta good by separating at this cusp

    ReplyDelete
  6. Follow your heart poster, let your heart be the best guide..

    ReplyDelete
  7. Don't Marry him Madam,let him go else you will feel more irritated after wedding.
    Do t punish somebody's son for not being your spec.
    No matter what he does may never please you.

    Let him go ma'am

    ReplyDelete
  8. You see that "spec"matter has caused loads of issues in marriages, regrettably for me, "spec" landed me in a marriage that has caused me a lot,drained me in every way you could think of. I am trying to get out of it now. If I could turn back the hands of time, I wouldn't have based my decision to get married on spec, it would have been a different ballgame .I hope you find what you truly want but do not settle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Specs are for boyfriends and girlfriend matter but when it's marriage, it is a different ballgame.

      Delete
    2. Olutosin,you said it all.

      Delete
  9. Poster, contact stella for my digits. I am already extremely beautiful and i do not think there is anywhere it is written that it is a crime for a woman or a man to be the only attractive person in a relationship. My beauty will carry the both of us and our children turn out well if truly out of a 100 % he has 70% good quality, God bless you as you break up with him and contact stella. 😘😘😘😘😘

    You think marriage is about looks alone, abi ?. Don't get me angry this afternoon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜… bvs oooo

      Delete
    2. 😁 maybe she's not a beautiful lady so she needs her partner to help her ministry.

      Delete
    3. Olutosin πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ tell her my darling πŸ˜™ πŸ˜™ πŸ˜™

      Delete
    4. πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚enough beauty to carry both of you πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.
      Bvs aint smiling ooo.

      Delete
    5. 🀣🀣🀣🀣she does not even want peace of mind. All she want is looks

      Delete
    6. She wants tall,silm, dark man not someone tyat will treat her good and spoil her sillyπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
    7. 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣 whahala dey, maybe the guy is short and fat, and the poster may not be tall as well. That's what l felt about this matter.

      Delete
    8. Hehehehehe
      You guys ehhhhhnnn..........
      There was a guy I was so much in love with. He was my spec, but he didn't even give me the time of day. I go force am? I learnt my lesson jare. Let me be loving who is loving me. Go and pray about it poster. But if there is absolutely no attraction, you can't force it, then maybe you should let him go. At least there should be some attraction.

      Delete
  10. Why did you accept to go out with him when you aren't physically attracted to him?

    ReplyDelete
  11. But you will grow to love him jare when kids come forget that thing be searching for tall dark and handsome..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Telling he she will grow to love him is the most unselfish thing.

      None of you is thinking of how this guy will be unloved in this marriage simply because poster will never show any romance towards him the way she will show to her spec.


      I feel for this guy and wish he can see this post. He needs to cut himself off from this relationship straightaway.

      If only he knows that he is going into a marriage where this lady will pretend she loves him and never love him at all.

      Women. Fear them.

      Delete
  12. 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣 Stellakoko, at if your first child looks like him, you would blame us....

    Poster, forget fancy ideas and face reality. If he scored 7/10 ,then please forget the spec thing, accept him in your heart and marry him....

    ReplyDelete
  13. Please let hi. Go before u make life unbearable for him. When you meet your spec you might be lucky u wont be praying against imaginary jazz by side chicks every day of your life.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Pls at 28 you are still young and don’t allow your friends or the expectations you had for yourself push you into making the wrong decision. I though I was going to get married at 27 but I got married a few months to my 30th. The fact you mentioned your age means you are considering if you still have the luxury of being picky at 28. You obviously have zero attraction to him , pls free him so he can meet someone that will go gaga at the sight of him

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How can she be young at 28? Na wa o

      Delete
    2. @ shooter, comments like yours make women rush and desperate to marry any guy that comes their way. at your age, you definitely have people that have achieved more than you that are way younger. e dey heavy to swallow ba? good. so pls rest.

      Delete
    3. Abi o. Some of us don 40 yet we never marry.

      Delete
  15. Release him to the woman that is his SPEC biko make person hear word. Your fantasy as a child is different from reality. Poster, there a a huge wall between them. But please come back to the real world.

    ReplyDelete
  16. How can people be this evil. He is not your spec and you kept leading the innocent man on for a whole year? Look I am a woman and to be frank with you, this is mean...after 3months, one should already have an idea of what they want. This applies to both men and women. Stop wounding people’s heart pls. Pls open up to him and don’t marry him because you will be very miserable. I pray u find your spectacular

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tire. If a guy does this, we for dey hear "men are scum".

      Please, ladies, if he isn't your spec and it bothers you, let him go biko. Don't frustrate the poor man. I'm very sure there's a lady or ladies who are praying he notices them

      Delete
    2. Marriage is much more than looks and all that glitters. When challenges come, it's not his looks that will help you both overcome, it's the person he is that will come through with and for you.. I understand that you want a man you can proudly show off, but in the end, their are more important qualities that you shouldn't compromise on.

      Delete
    3. Honestly, I agree with you Chummy. Looks won't pay the bills, neither will it stand up for you when you need him to.

      Delete
    4. i think she tried. maybe she thought she could overlook it n grow to love the man. but abeg if the love no dey grow no b by force. also she may have tried cautioning the guy to lose weight for his health but he keeps eatin n getting bigger and bigger and putting his heart at risk n putting her at risk of being a single mother and widow in future. what should she now do?

      Men are allowed to be shallow and superficial and dump women when they don't meet up to their spec but all of a sudden woman can't?? abegi!

      Delete
  17. To be honest, a lot of women end up marrying those that they are not really attracted to. Reality will make you focus on the substance rather than physical appearance. I used to have an idea of my ideal man too until reality knocked me on the head.
    You to need get your heart broken by “fine boys” to appreciate a good man. Guess what? You may be lucky and your ideal man also ends up being a good man. In your current mental state, I will advise you not to proceed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. true. but men that are also not your spec/ ugly can also disappoint n be fukboys. actually they do it more as a sort of revenge against all girls after getting curved by girls so many times. I was pleasantly surprised to find that out recently. it proved the concept wrong of "if u are not attracted to a guy he likes u more." I think women need to just pray for all the non physical qualities to come packaged in the kind of male spec they want. problem solved! ugly fat guys cheat and womanize too. short men are even worse with low self esteem. how can she be so sure this guy is not even a womanizer too?

      Delete
  18. You are just a wicked being. You have always known you don't really like him. Please, free him. You will never genuinely accept him, hate may even set in with time. Go search for the perfect human that will 100% match what you want. Be very blunt with him and tell him you can't be his wife. Time will heal him and someone alot better than you will come into his life.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Please call it off immediately. No need. I had someone like this way back and I let him go. He his married now and happy and I am married as well and happy. Don't be greedy and frustrate yourself on the long journey. You have no feelings for him. Only attracted to the things that are not physical. Let him GO.

    ReplyDelete
  20. If you're not physically attracted to him, aunty run o. I'm just like you. I like fair,tall and slim guys but height is the most important for me. Even if the person is dark,I'll dive into it so long as the attraction is there. You can't get everything you want dear

    ReplyDelete
  21. Can someone answer her questions without bashing her? Those of you who didn't marry your "spec" (stop pretending,we know you're here), how did it work out? Did you end up calling in love with him or did he continue to irritate you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. women get emotionally attached after sex anyway so it doesn't matter. except maybe the guy is extremely repulsive of which i don't think it is possible.

      Delete
  22. Beauty in marriage is not in looks. If you marry your spec and end up being maltreated what would you do? Outward beauty fades, the only beauty that sustains a marriage is good character.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Have you thought of ways to "tush" him up? Like include a fitness routine that BOTH of you should follow, encourage him to grow a beard, teeth whitening, nice perfumes, etc. Please try these options.

    ReplyDelete
  24. i can only imagine the uproar if it was a man that posted that a woman was not his spec yet he has been leading her on for more than a year......it would have another "men are scum" Wankfest

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. E no tire you? Hypocrites everywhere

      Delete
    2. where is the hypocrisy ?

      Delete
    3. so fek what? despite all the "men are scum" ranting men refuse to change. if ranting makes the reality more manageable for women then stfu n let them rant! duh! it's a way to emotionally let off steam

      Delete
    4. We all know how superficial many men are. So what are you saying?

      Delete
    5. All i'm saying when it comes to relationship issues women can be as equally or even more guilty that men.........Anon 22.30 oh you can be superficial all you like, its your choice but dont string someone along for a year with at it......i dont think you would find it funny if you were already thinking marriage and your guy is still doubting 'cause you are not his spec...after a year together

      Delete
    6. My point wasn't that women should be superficial and string men along 2:03, but you sounded as if it is not more the norm for men to be superficial and string women along. That has been their mo from time immemorial. Women are usually conditioned to accept men despite their faults physically or otherwise on most occasions. So I don't see why you are attacking women and making it seem like it is steadily what they do. You don't know me so don't presume to prescribe what I can or can't do.

      I actually applaud this poster because she is being real and is looking for advice on how to proceed before she actually ties the knot. She just has some doubts that needs to be cleared so that she can make her final decision and live with it. Better now, no matter how late than after the wedding.

      Delete
  25. "I decided to look past just the physical because on paper,"
    It looks like you've actually signed the dotted lines with him over there where you reside
    in order to get papers to work?
    So in effect, before the law, that's marriage.
    Before God, he has to pay your bride price.
    When marriage is built on any other thing apart from Love, it does not last, it can't stand.
    So, you are typically going the wrong way and building on a wrong foundation, on sand.
    How to know that "he is the one?" Find Christ. Give your life to Jesus and his Spirit will lead
    you. Seek first his kingdom and righteousness and every other thing shall be added to you.
    Then you will have peace of mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She means that ‘on paper’ he is everything she wants.
      That is to say, he has all the qualities she wants in a man, until she thinks of physical qualities

      Delete
  26. 1st make sure you are attracted to him.Don't make a guys life miserable latter in marriage because he married you. Attraction matters a lot.

    2ndly, Outward appearance shouldn't really matter. It should be what he possess in the inside; how intelligent he is, his love for you, does the both of you agree in certain things about life etc

    ReplyDelete
  27. Inside life, I spent the whole of last night regretting not marrying this guy cos he had a bad dress sense and Igbo accent. I summoned up courage and googled him up and guy is so tush and now an associate prof in a uk university.
    This guy had all I wanted in a husband plus my mum asked him to consider him then.
    If the guy gives me a second chance, I no go look this my ugly one minute liar husband a second thought

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Anonymous 15:16, so you left someone with a "bad" dress sense and Igbo accent for an ugly one, hmmm. Your case is serious. You call your husband one minute man, my dear if one minute man can give you babies, count yourself lucky. Some ladies are with men that can last for up to one hour, yet they are looking to get pregnant.

      Delete
  28. That is how someone I know take marry her speck ignoring character, even when I told her he isn't good for him,he just gave a bad vibe.
    She ended up a punching bag even when pregnant, today she is divorced with two kids

    ReplyDelete
  29. Poster, have you prayed about him? What is God saying?
    Please, seek the face of God first before you make any decision.
    Your spec might not be the perfect will of God for you and most time we might not like God's will.
    The choice is yours.
    Take time to pray and I believe God will lead you

    ReplyDelete
  30. Please keep moving. No waiting. follow your heart. When negative issues comes up while married to him. Its love that will keep you going. Free him to avoid had l known.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Because you have built an imaginary imagine of a man in your head that is why you cannot identify a good man. What you have in your head is an imaginary picture that is never realistic.

    You got 7/10 yet you are still looking for someone to advice you on what to do, you are not in love with this young man. You will not submit to him, you will trouble him in the marriage. Just walk away true love will find him.

    Women and their unrealistic expectations, all what you have listed up there I hope you too have those qualities πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”

    ReplyDelete
  32. Poster me I like chubby but tall fair dudes, but he can be dark .....
    I for say make you give me im number but your booboo shortπŸ™„
    With all these you feel about this dude biko let him go. He is not your man. No give person pickin headache in future.
    But a candid advice to you, better erase that your small girl husband material for mind make e no make you loose future husband o. Tall slim and dark handsome guy na for dream, but you can be lucky sha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Poster if you are tall you can marry the man, but if you do not want the man, you may send his number to me. ��������

      Delete
  33. Poster, only Regina Daniels can advise you well .

    ReplyDelete
  34. This spec thing is senseless, I waited 4 my spec *fair, well built, rich and tall now I'm 34years and not married still. My fiance is dark, slim and tall and I love him like I've never loved. So dear dont waste your time on spec, marriage is more than spec. Find someone that is crazy about you.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I know a lot of people that did not marry their spec and they are doing just fine. If you know looks matter so much to you, please break up with him so that he can have the chance to marry someone who will genuinely love him.
    That romantic ideology that the guy must be taller than the girl has ruined things for a lot of people. As far as I am concerned, once you are neat, presentable,being around you gives me peace and you love me selflessly, we are good to go. Who height help?
    If you are not comfortable with him being chubby, you guys can work on that. But if the height is the problem, please free the guy, he deserves better. I am even angry you have wasted over a year of the young man's life. How do people stay in relationships they are not even happy about for so long?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Well my talk, dark, handsome is now fat with a pot belly so what should I do now begin to hate him? Sometimes marriage is much more than appearance.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Yes I didn't marry my spec. I wasnt happy when I met my husband. He was younger and looked like a school boy while I liked and dated matured men. My mum encouraged me to marry him. It's been 3 years plus.I am happy I took my mum's advice. He is not perfect but I noticed he loves me so much and I am happy being his wife.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I believe that when we ask God for a spouse to marry, He may not give you your spec. He mostly gives you someone that will give you rest of mind, complete you and make your life stress-free.

    My sister, pray to God for your own husband. Spec, looks can be misleading most times.

    As for this man, please let him go. It's not fair on him. You shouldn't have led him on for this long since he's not your spec like you said. I'm sure you won't like it if a guy had done this to you.

    A man makes you happy, doesn't give you reasons to complain and looks is what you are looking for? Hnmmmm. Think about it. It is well.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Since hes fair make sure he rubs Vaseline and ori so he will be ur speck that is black for his height he can wear high shoes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

      Delete
  40. I married a friend who was not my spec. Funny he is tall, dark and good looking but he did not tick some boxes in terms of level of exposure and sophistication even though he is well educated. He came from a different type of background.Today I am very pleased that I married him. In our first few years, we adjusted to one another. He learnt to put his fork and knife together after eating while I learnt to be patient and explain why I needed him to brush up and that na tush background e no get, no be say e kill person. We tease each other now everything is fine. I am glad that I did not give up a good man on account of my spec. Please don't marry him if you can't find the 7 over 10 is good enough. One thing you can ask yourself also is this: has your spec ever been attracted to you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ‘ @ your last line. Some people's 'speck' may not be interested in them. Sometimes, they'll will be mean to them.
      Life is deep. Poster, do whatever you think will give you peace. Noone knows tomorrow. You have to be ready to accept the outcome of your decision in years to come.

      Delete
  41. Not my spec made me chase some one that loves me away now the girl he married I no fine reach the babe half
    I ended up a baby mama after giving birth my remaing beauty my daugher carrier it now i wowo..in order words pls marry d guy you will be happy in d long run because he will love you enough for d two of you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please don't look down on yourself. See it like if you were meant to be it would have worked out. Regrets are not going to do anything for you. Instead, learn from your errors, recognise you are loved as God's daughter and have faith that you will also find love. I know you appreciate the gift of your daughter that so many are looking for today. So life is how you see it. Either the glass is half empty or half full. Hugs πŸ€—πŸ€—

      Delete
  42. I didn't marry my spec but I don't regret it in fact I thank God every day for giving me my husband. Pls look beyond outward appearance, open your eyes and see beyond the look but if you can't kindly let that man go. There is a woman waiting for him who will truly appreciate him.

    ReplyDelete
  43. @Poster, its like your priority for a partner is his looks, drawing from your childhood picture of what you want in a partner. Well, today's realities are quite different from what it used to be. Even if you happen to see a guy who meets your spec, how about the other qualities, perhaps he may turn out to be an abuser or cause you great regret much later. Know it that you cant have everything you want in a spouse to be. Shine your eyes and don't forget to ask for God help when making your decision. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I didn't marry my spec, while I was dating my so called spec the lind of heartbreak igot from dating my spec omo nah die.at some point I told myself why not look beyond spec. I got married to the best man the kind of peace of mind I have right now is out of this world. My spec was dark , tall guys but I got married to a fair guy.the love I'm receiving right now I thank God I didn't even marry a dark guys sef

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  45. Darling, I have been married to my Mr. Wonderful for nearly 2 decades and one of the reasons why he still takes my breath away is because he has always been a hunk of manly goodness and the older we get the more handsome and sexy he looks. I married my "spec" because I couldn't imagine being with a man I wasn't physically attracted to, a man I have to justify marrying to friends and acquaintances, I can't be there for that, but that's just me and my vain self.

    To me, it had to be a package deal and I was brought up to believe I deserve the choicest best and I was ready to wait for him. Divine Providence brought him much sooner than I expected. Sweetheart, I can't marry a man who isn't good looking with a noble character to match. It's like baking a cake, certain basic  ingredients must be present for a successful outcome. I am blessed to have all the basic qualities I wanted in a man.

    I guess the question you have to answer is, how important is the physical appearance of a potential mate? If it is important to you, then don't feel guilt tripped into settling. To each, his own. I have a friend who couldn't care less about a man's looks as long as he is wealthy. I also have a friend who doesn't mind having a kept man as long as he looks like a Greek god. You have to be true to your desires so you don't end up depressed and frustrated. If your feelings for this man isn't strong enough to mask his "flaws", if your heart sinks when you see him because of his appearance, in spite of the time apart, please don't go on with the marriage. It will not be prudent to marry out of pity. That's a selfish thing to do because you are also depriving him of the right woman for him, because you want to ease your conscience.

    The problem with most relationships is that one or both parties usually assume that it MUST end at the Altar. You mustn't marry your boyfriend or your girlfriend if he or she doesn't measure up or if you suddenly see reasons why it wouldn't work out. Darling, instead of leading him on and delaying the inevitable, call it off as amicably as you possibly can. Marriage to the best man in the world can still have its challenges, imagine marrying someone you already can't stand? Some men get less attractive after they get married because they stop putting in the effort to look good. What would you do if he falls within that category? It is very possible to get a handsome man with good qualities, please don't sell yourself short. You are as worthy as you believe you are.
    e-hugs and kisses.

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    1. I have never commented kn this blog. I prefer to read silently and move on, but I just have to break my silence to say an hug thank you to you. Yours is the only comment that makes any form of sense.

      Poster, please read this comment and follow the advise. Do not let anyone guilt you into thinking that physical attraction is not important. How many guys have you heard of marrying a lady who isn't their spec? Yet, we pressure women t do this because time is not on their side.

      See ehn, you're the one who is going to be exchanging body fluids with this man for a lifetime. So, you better be sure about this. All these people telling you half bread is better than none will not be there and if you mistakenly complain after marriage they'll be the first to ask why you went ahead to marry if you knew there was no attraction.

      The way I see it, it is not even about specs. You do not just love the man or feel attracted to him. If you loved him, you wouldn't even notice whether he is your spec or not. It is on this premise that I'd advise that you prayerfully break it of. He will find someone that loves him for him and so will you. Your desire is valid. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty.

      Delete
    2. ronalda i could just hug you right now. i was thinking along what you typed here but honestly too lazy to type...i married my spec, tall dark and handsome 6'2...ok i would have settled for maybe 5 something too...lol...truth is if there is no physical attraction aka chemistry in the 1st place that is a no no. e.g i would not marry a man who could not dress well or have an accent lai lai and that was my spec..of course i had more spiritual specs..lol..but the truth is that spec is what draws you in the first place. sometimes the guy might not have all but there is a chemistry.all relationships must not end on the alter..you dont love this guy, pls just dont waste time. enjoy your singleness, when you meet that one specs will fall in line

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  46. Poster dont marry this man let him go, i dated one tall dark man back in the days he was ugly but I was young. Mhmm when i go home on holidays i sometimes meet him in the clubs as friends his wife too is something Else very ugly too the hyenna cant eat her etc but the Guy continued to get more ugly i ask myself how i wd have had kids with this man whose head looks like a bold Tortoise Even with All the money he made i just ran away. My family used to ask me what do you see in that your ugly boyfriend but I was inlove eventually when i left the country the love died AM Lucky that AM a very beautiful woman and My husband too is a handsome tall oyinbo. My kids Are good looking too. Poster follow your heart dont marry him or Else you will end up crying.

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  47. I had a spec before I got married. Tall (like my dad), extremely intelligent, attractive and dark. Hmm. After dating 3 guys with that spec and saw their insides are not as fine as their outside, no on told me to go with my husband. He is dark, extremely intelligent and we are same height.

    Poster, if you have some attractiveness to hold onto, go ahead with him. Else, I’d advice you to let him go.

    Also, what is sex with him like? That would be another thing to consider.

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  48. Are you even your specs spec,if your spec see you will he look at you twice,go and look for your spec that might not be as good as your boyfriend is.

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  49. I will speak from experience and I hope u read this!

    I had a spec,truly I had a fair,slim,cute guy as a spec! Like I loveddd slim guys. Till I met my hubby

    I dunno how u see tns though. Hubby wasn't my spec but I gave him a chance cos his attributes are just wow. Like I feel he might be the last angel yet to leave earth!!! I m serious! So caring,loving and more...

    I had to seek the face of God and I learnt I was to be his helpmate! I didn't create him,so who am I to say he is cute or not. Well ur guess is as good as mine,got married to him and it is my best decision till date!!!

    I live a fairy tale! Unbelievable but true. He is so understanding,sweet,kind to everyone and God fearing.We don't have the whole world,but we have each other and it is enough for me.

    Some years in,I can humbly say I took a good decision not following my spec.

    So dear poster,it is left for u. You alone can make that decision. Does his physique really turn u off? Or just that u wished he was better? Lol
    All that glitters is not gold my dear.

    But if u feel u won't respect him or more cos of his looks,then kindly let him go...but if u r asking about pple like me that didn't marry our spec...then my answer is it was awesome in the end.
    I wish u a God given answer cos only Him sees it all! Our future inclusive.

    Pray earnestly and trust Him to help you make a good decision. All the best.

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  50. Be sincere to your self my dear, do you truly have peace of mind with him asides his physical appearance.. If yes, go ahead. If he has good character and love towards you and all that concerns your growth, it will make you see him differently. Just give it some time. Truth is there is no man out there that will fit perfectly into your spec and give you all you desire and need as a partner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After one year, she should still give it some time??? For how long? She should call it off. It won’t work out trust me. She can also and will meet her spec with good husband qualities. Poster let him go. Stop wasting his time and your time.

      Delete
  51. If you're big on attraction, I'd advised you not to marry him.

    Was in your shoes about 2 years back. The closer it drew, the restless I became.

    I eventually called it off after six months. Couldn't keep up with the pretence.

    It wouldn't be fair on him because I know we would have intimacy issues.

    Don't let anyone including yourself guilt trip you. You have a right to be true to your desire.

    It won't be easy at first, but you'd be fine.

    Marriage doesn't generate attraction or emotions. Forever is a long time to wallow in regrets. Kisses.

    Don't give up on yourself, you'd meet you spec and the both of you woukd be fine for each other.

    Be objective not emotional.

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  52. Poster I was like you, I didnt find him attractive and I felt I was being superficial. First, after marriage, he will get to irritate you, you will hate sex with him. Unexpectedly you ll start resenting him. You ll be more offended because you feel you could have done better. His bad attributes will even make you hate yourself the more. Dont marry him . You will know he is the one because you have peace, you look at the future with excitement. Dont overlook character or physic.physic will help your sex life. Character will keep your marriage.mine ended in a divorce cos I overlooked physic. Then character came and scattered everything.

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  53. Babe this is me. I will not ask you to marry a guy u dislike physically or dont see often. Study him. Go to his place. See his character. Dont fall into the good girl trap I did by not doing to his house. The more you around you see him for who he is. Good girls like you marry bad guys you are too engrossed in work you dont see his character. Go to his house. Listen to how his talks about pple. Watch for anger, ego, control

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  54. Please don't marry him. Give me his number inugo?

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  55. Poster physical looks matter. Some of us are wires differently. If you are the type that eats with the eyes first, it is okay to free this man. In the long run, you'd wish you had waited. Sexually attraction di mkpa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. O di very important, my sister!
      Lol

      Delete
  56. Why should she be the one to do all that when he’s not a damn baby? If dudes not ready to lose weight and look good for his woman, then she shouldn’t settle abeg. Looks matter as well. I’m not saying she should look for 100% spec but seems poster’s not attracted to him at all. Break off the relationship. 28 is when we’re really know what we want to be honest. The brain for don grow weller to make critical decisions. Some life experiences can also shape one to know what we want in a marriage not necessarily age factor.

    ReplyDelete

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