STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SINGLES MINGLES AFFAIR
I have this emotional issue bothering me.
I have this emotional issue bothering me.
There's this guy I met from your Stellas Singles mingles sometime in 2018. And our friendship has been great so far, not minding the distance - I stay abroad.
I met him last year when I was in town, that's when we officially started dating. And he is what I've come to know him as - a good person. The issue I have is not with him but with myself, I like him so much, but can't bring myself to tell him that much.
I know it will eventually break the relationship if I continue this way. But I'm afraid of being taken for granted - he has never done so anyway. Then I can't take away the thought of him cheating, at the same time he is more of what I need and don't want to throw that away. Without a good reason.
We've talked about cheating and his opinion were convincing. The last time I was in town, he spent 3 weeks with me without s#x trouble, the few times we had s#x, it was my initiation to be sure his engine works well (Please o, Jesus assistance don't come here and be a judge over me).
I like him a lot and he works smart. I just need opinions on how best to make this work out.
*How old are you?Your tohtoh dey work well so our brain should also work well....if you think he s a good guy,then go for it and stop looking for excuses...You have tested him and picked his brain and he passed all but you are still scared?My dear everything for this life get comma oh.....take the one you fit count the comma and work with it......
Tell him how you feel and what you want and let him act on the info...
Good luck..please bring us update oh...
Tell him u feel, you won't die.
ReplyDeleteWHAT I CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND IS WHY ANY MAN WILL MEET A GOOD WOMAN WHO LIVES ABROAD AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER FOR PAPERS AND EVENTUALLY DUMP HER.
DeleteIF SHE'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR DATING, WHY CANT YOU MARRY HER AND BE LOYAL AND FAITHFUL TO HER? YOU CAN'T GET IT 100% ANYWHERE ELSE ANYWAY. WHY DO SOME MEN LIKE TO MESS GOOD THINGS UP???
PLEASE, IF YOU'RE A MAN READING HERE AND YOU HAVE AN ABROAD LADY YOU'RE TALKING TO AND WOULD LIKE TO MARRY HER FOR HER GOOD QUALITIES, PLS I BEG YOU, MARRY HER, STAY WITH HER, LOVE HER, BE LOYAL TO HER, RAISE THE CHILDREN YOU HAVE WITH HER TOGETHER. DON'T BE GREEDY OR STUPID. BE FOCUSED IN LIFE AND MOVE ON FROM THAT STAGE TO BUILDING YOUR EMPIRE WITH YOUR QUEEN!
WHAT'S SO DIFFICULT IN THAT?
#ICOMEINPEACE
anon 17:50 if only it were that simple. time and time again men have continuously shown that they don't value women that help to level them up. seems men are truly happy when helping a woman to level up. ego i guess. just my own observation
Delete17:50
DeleteOnly the wise and sensible that are not actively cooperating with their village people will understand this
Many are criminally stupid
There's nothing there. No perfect person or relationship. Do you think all the wedding anniversaries you hear and read about, don't have ish? Since you certified him okay, go ahead and do the needful.
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
Nobody is "Jesus assistant" here and nobody is a judge of another.
ReplyDeleteThe issue here is that by writing that, you know already that you are doing something wrong. You are starting what you intend to be marriage on a wrong footing; premarital sex. So that is the reason for being "scared." You did not commit it to the Lord Jesus and when the problems surface, you are likely not going to have the assurance of faith to commit it to him. But the truth is that everyday, he calls on you to do so and not do it your own way.
Please, pre marital sex is not the only sin or wrong footing one takes to marriage. There is sin of un forgiveness, lying, stinginess, etc. Please.
DeleteYou are the “Jesus Assistant” that she was talking about. Hypocrite
Delete@Baltika
DeleteI had to read that comment again to see if she wrote that "premarital sex is the only sin," but surprisingly, I did not see it.
Please what's your anger all about?
Premarital sex in a serious relationship or courtship is a high necessity. I am talking from experience.
DeleteOnly you will write a comment, same you will come back and defend yourself with
Delete'she'. You well so??
Guy man don hit jackpot!!!..
ReplyDeleteMy dear,he has knacked correct pigeon on your head so you will be his mugu for life that will bring him over to the abroad!!
Most people want to leave this country especially guys atm!..
This your behaviour is not ordinary oo
Infact,single girls that lives abroad is the target of most guys now...
Make una shine una eyes ooo..
No real love again
What did you read, madam? Did you understand the chronicles?
DeleteBaltika,I should be asking you the same question...
DeleteThe poster is madly in love with this guy and you are there asking questions..
@Baltika
DeleteHmm, it seems you wrote this chronicle. Anyone that comment to the contrary incurs your wrath. 🙄🙄🙄
Baltika she understood the chronicle and wrote nothing but the truth. The country is tough at the moment and people can even turn to Angel Gabriel especially men just to disappear.
DeleteBut why is she looking for a man in Nigeria? A big risk and I feel exactly as Queen and Boss expressed up there. It's a big risk especially at a time like this when guys are desperate. Poster, look for love in your locality there.
Delete@Saphire
DeleteSome of you have never left the shoes of Nigeria to even Benin Republic and all you do is stay
behind your keyboard and type thrash. You do not know what single Nigerian ladies and people of
color encounter "abroad?
18.16 did you just tag me to that comment? Did I send you to go scrub toilets abroad in the name of leaving the shores of this country? What's my business with your inability to find a man? Everyday we see sisters getting married abroad, some to fellow Nigerians some to foreigners they met in their locality. Who is typing rubbish? Move far with your frustration o, no be me do you. Our girls are excelling in their fields and attracting suitors and you are not asking yourself what can you do to get lucky too.
Delete@Poster don't tell him anything and watch him more. If you do so now that everyone is looking for an opportunity... Your cup of juice. Think and close your legs like a mermaid
DeleteJesus assistance don't come here and be a judge over me!!! Biko sis chill nobody cares about what u do with ur totoh inugo. It's like u have suffered severe hard break and its affecting you, try and loosen up okay, u will be fyn, I pray it works out for u, why not ask God,if he is meant for u, if he is not, let he relationship die a natural death.
ReplyDeleteyou obviously have past insecurities you have yet to deal with.. take each day as it comes and except you have reasons to suspect don't start looking for what is not lost. you can drive him away with saying and doing stupid stuff out of unnecessary suspicion. as for long distance relationships not something i always advice based on my own experience and others i know because you never truly know much about them as they always put their best foot forward the few times you meet.
ReplyDeleteInsecurity or not . There is something called female Intuition. Babe if poster is having some doubts about the guy or seen some low key red flags that re giving her cause to doubt the guy then she needs to do proper investigation and weigh her options before settling with the guy. I would have said withhold sex until she has known the guy's true character cus we women when we have sex our brains stop working. But it is too late for that now. Isn't there someone in naija that can do some findings on the guy and run some background checks. It is vital o. Make the guy no come get some dirty secrets like a family or end up using her to bring his wife abroad. Shine your eyes well well.
DeleteHehehehe. Blue or red pali loading for a brother ... twerks out of post.
ReplyDeleteYe! Who stoned me.
On a serious note, my dear sister, ask ask ask nd ask. Investigate properly. Person wey dey ask question no dey loss. Talk to his friends, classmates, exes if possible. Hmmm. Cos pali can make a man to form ooo
Exactly! You can't just date any guy without background family checks esp in naija where it is easier to trace the family of a guy before marrying.
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣@Stella red pen advice.
ReplyDeletePoster fix things with yourself. Stop wasting precious time.
What advise do you seek? You want us to advice you based on what information? We follow you know the guy? No situation is ever perfect..you wait for the perfect time, perfect guy, perfect relationship, you might wait a long time. You have already risked your VJJ, so what’s else?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry and don't take this the wrong way. I am not comfortable with our girls abroad dating guys here in Nigeria because the vast majority of those who marry the guys end up being victims of fraud i.e the guy only married them to get papers abroad. The moment they get it, they begin to show their true colors. Some even have side chicks in Nigeria while keeping the one abroad as the main chick. A serious minded guy will definitely not be looking for a relationship with someone far away unless they had a previous relationship before she moved.
ReplyDeleteForget all those "he's nice" story. You think they'll treat you badly as they see you as his ticket out of the country? I'm sorry I sound cynical but many Nigerian ladies abroad have fallen victim to these. Apart from that, long distance relationships are hard.
Can't you date a man who stays in the same country as you? Even if he is not a Nigerian?
Even if you choose to continue to date him, ensure that he's moving out of the country based on his own merits, not because he's connected to you via marriage. E.g. if you're in Canada, he should already be working towards getting there and it won't be based on him marrying you.
I know you desire to get married but it's better to be safe than sorry.
For those who may oppose my view, please note that my advise would have been the same even if poster was a man.
You're not mostly correct. You know of many ladies that married guys in Nigeria just for papers while the ones I know married for real and still married after many years.
DeleteGod bless you. Theres this pastor /relationship expert called Tony Gaskins that strongly advises against long distance relationships because he says most men can get a woman locally so why would they go all the way to date a woman far away unless he is sneaky, looking to gain something or has something wrong with him that is preventing girls in his area from liking him? It makes sense if u think about it. I know some people are making their dreams work o. But I always think that if you work with mindset that u are exception to the rule you stand do get heartbroken. Plenty relationship and psychology experts strongly advice against long distance unless one person relocates to be closer because men are visual n it is hard for a man to stay faithful n focused on a woman he cannot see.
DeleteI totally agree. I’ve seen it play out here where I am.
DeleteIf you weren’t already dating the guy before processing your move, or the guy isn’t processing his own move already before you met, I don’t trust any yeye love they try to show.
Because all Na format to comot Nigeria.
Baltika,are you the guy in question?..
DeleteYour job don knock!!...
Hahahahaha
Baltika is the guy in question. He wants to leave the country. Baby girl do not bring any naija guy abroad. Their ego will spoil things dor you
DeleteIs Baltika a guy...
DeleteThe problem is that there is absolutely no one size fits all formula. People who meet, date and marry locally relationship still fall apart. Long distance is for a period, someone will have to move eventually. But I do not believe in any perfect formula to relationship success. Seen too much, heard too much. Relationships are tricky because people are constantly evolving and they outgrow belief systems and desires. It is a blessing to have someone love and respect you for decades without an unchanging heart. It's rare and if you get to experience that treasure it with every molecule in your body.
DeleteTell him oooo this days act fast if no good result then move on
ReplyDeleteHave you prayed about it?
ReplyDeleteMadam Stella this tohtoh no heavy for ur mouth oooo,na only that part sweet u.
ReplyDeleteFirstly... "I stay Abroad" can be any where outside the borders of Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteSecondly Poster.. if you dont grab him now sooner or later, another fast girl will do so. There is no perfect man out there.
If you slack, you lack.
Abundance mindset. You speak from a position of lack like there aren't men in poster s vicinity. Such mindset breeds desperation and clinginess which turns men off. If poster is having doubt then definitely she has seen sth that should make her tread carefully
DeleteYou may never be able to overcome your insecurities. While having doubts about him, you were having sex with him comfortably in the name of checking if his dick is functional. Now that you know the dick is functional, what are you going to do about it. Keep riding his dick and endless doubting him or learn to gradually trust him and talk freely.
ReplyDeleteHaving sex with a man before he has proven his worth n before you assure yourself that he is for real, is never a good idea. Sex clouds a woman's judgement. Men know this and will either play like they don't want sex to get the girl craving sex or they will pressure a girl to have sex early so that she won't catch on to his sneaky ways on time
DeleteI’m trying to understand why you’ve had sex “few” times with a guy you’re not in a relationship with
ReplyDeleteBad judgement on her part. This is not even from a religious standpoint.
DeleteFan she said they are dating. I was having the same thought until I went to read the post again. I'm not a fan of long distance relationship but it's up to her to give it a try and see where it leads.
Delete@ lovelace she said they are dating but is he dating her?? naija girls need to stop using that term dating very carefully. most think just because they've had sex with a guy that means a relationship has started. from a guy's standpoint that is very far from the truth. if they were happily dating n the guy is showing all signs of seriousness n putting her doubt to rest, she won't have a reason to write chronicles here. let's be real and honest with ourselves. the guy has smashed now n has the girl emotionally invested while he may be keeping his options open in Nigeria. he will stay and keep her hAanging on to breadcrumbs as long as he has more convenient benefits to gain from her like green card but don't mistake that for him being a "good" guy. we guys know how to get what we want when we want it. let's hope for Poster's sake that the guy is genuine.
DeleteYou’re dating, you’ve had sex, but you can’t bring yourself to tell him how you feel?
ReplyDeleteCould this be because he hasn’t expressed how he feels with all certainty? If you felt secure in his love and you knew he loved you by words and actions, you won’t be feeling this way.
Aren’t you too old for all this kinds of dating drama? Where you wondering if you should talk or not.
Value yourself enough to know your place in your relationship, don’t let it drag on if you had to wonder if you should open up about your feelings or not.
Why not allow people to advise you from a place of love instead of tagging us assistant Jesus. People that care about you should be able to tell you what's right or wrong without you judging them too by calling them Jesus' assistant. How you see am?
ReplyDeleteAbout your chronicle, please take each day as it comes, let him know your feelings for him cos there's no error in that, just shine your eyes and use your head. Talk to God about everything! It works! Cheers.
Do you mind her? That’s why they all end up falling into one chance and then start crying fowl. Let her tell the guy now... afterall we all know that the young man is only humble because of paper. When the gods wants to kill a man, they 1st make him mad. Let her continue in her foolishness. They should go and see how people who have decided not to include Jesus in their marriage are suffering. They keep getting carried away by the glitters of this life. She is an older lady but yet lack wisdom. God sends some of his true followers to this blog not bcos they don’t have better things to do o. But becos he cares for you. But bcos they don’t say what you want to hear, u become offended. Very disappointing.
DeleteLife is too short not to live your truth. Tell him what you want and need. If he doesn't desire a commitment then move on. Do not let obsession with him blind you to love opportunities around you if he rejects your offer. Everybody deserves to be with someone they desire, if he doesn't feel that way about you accept it without trying to force yourself on him. Yes, rejection hurts, but living with a man who has no passion or desire for you is a far greater misery.
ReplyDeletePoster i don't even understand your chronicle, I'm still looking for where the problem is. Abeg enjoy what you can enjoy, if it works out well fine, if not you move on
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThere's absolutely nothing to it. There's no journey without it risk, and there's no one formula to relationship matters.
I think it's not fair to be that condemning of the guys intentions, if it was a lady would our opinion wear the same dress? We've celebrated here when some of our sisters getting married to our brothers from overseas. Why can't we see a glass as half full instead of half empty?
To the chronicle, I see someone whose last relationship was a war of unrepeated habitual cheating. And other miscellaneous insecurities, which you are yet scared of moving from. Not every guy is out there to take advantage of a lady. There are a whole lot of ladies taking advantage of innocent good guys everyday. You've spoken well of this guy, 2018 to date is enough to have an understanding of someone's personality - you talk and chat in this almost 2yrs. You should let go off your many insecurities and give it your best shot, nothing works out well without a good effort. You don't think he too should be worried about you cheating?
The say relationship or dating is a risk, do you think you are ready to date for real again? From your write up, most of the questions you should be asking are for you to answer. Are you healed mentally to date again? What's the purpose of the relationship? What do you sincerely want out of it? These are issues you two have to constantly talk about. The difficult conversations are what you two should be having.
Don't throw away a chance at a good thing, without a proven reason. For all I know, you are as guilty of your worries as your troubled mind. Until you both give each other a reason to stay away, date him and be expressive as he is. Problem with most of us ladies is that we want the guys, to love us in a way. Something we hardly reciprocate.
Please enjoy your relationship and stop giving yourself headache where there is seemingly none so far.
All these advices i read above just tire me honestly, i wanted to skip but then remembered this poster is a human been with feelings seeking advice.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you participated in single and mingles and ended up in a long distance relationship tells me that you have not met your match where you are based OR you are more attracted to men in Nigeria OR you plan on relocating to Nigeria in the near future.
There is nothing wrong with dating and marrying a man abroad, eventually one person will have to move. There are women out there who prefer foreign men and that is okay, for there are a lot of successful marriages and also a lot of marriage scams.
Things to consider, is this man more successful than, your friend, more superior (i do not mean financially because poor is very different from broke), what are his future plans, as he is talking marriage can he support you today as a husband and father, and most importantly pray about it.
When you know the answers to these questions you will then be able to understand why you are unable to open up to him.
Regarding the cheating the situation, if your instincts tells you that he is cheating, then he most probably is UNLESS you have been hurt before with a cheating and yet to recover.
I pity you sis. I can never advice my enemy to even date a naija guy based in naija and the enemy based abroad na straight one chance. Se you know the current exchange rate? £1 is 650 naira use your tongue to count your teeth
ReplyDeletenaija boys are in some serious survival mode. I am happy I decided to learn sense and fix my self esteem before entering back into the dating pool in naija. it's mad over here
Deletesweetie. sorry to tell you but you have been dickmatized. so now you're overhyping the guy's seemingly good characteristics while (i'm sure) ignoring the bad sides of him. Your intuition was what made u write this chronicle. it is the last shred of common sense in your body as your sexual desire and infatuation for this man have now taken over. Please listen to your intuition. def the guy may have shown signs of dishonesty and unseriousness like missing your calls, having excuses ready, forming busy, not calling when he says he will call, having some funny comments on his social media from girls and/or not posting you on his socials. If u have seen red flags from this guy, pls don't ignore them. it is a big risk bringing this man you don't see everyday / you live far away from to America on your own merit. you can't even be around him to know his bad habits, stds, psychological issues or whether you guys are compatible or if he has a main chick over here waiting for him to use another woman to make it in life so she can benefit later. 3 weeks is not enough to know and study a man in person btw!!
ReplyDeletePlease do not sabotage your relationship!!! Chikena
ReplyDeletePoster open your heart to love this guy, free your spirit and allow the love to flow. Enjoy the relationship while it last.
ReplyDeleteBe positive that he will not cheat on you, most times what we fear is what happens to us. If you give in your all but it turn out to be false know when to move on.
Please please please I beg you in Gods name, please don’t do it. I’m saying this based on my own experience. Most of them are opportunists!!! Why do you have to be the one telling him you like him. Did he tell you how he feels and his long term goals with you? He has seen your weakness and desperation. Don’t do it sis. I dey beg you. Get into social activities, groups, outings, single mingle in your area so you can meet people and date someone over there. Trust me, you’ll find someone there. Or change location to areas where there are more single folks if you have to. Do not bring this guy over. Don’t do long distance relationship. Let him figure himself abeg.
ReplyDeleteYou test the engine,is working well isn't it? So just do the other tests
ReplyDeleteBrain has stopped working. Aunty don hook
DeleteThere is no perfect person. everybody has a flaw; discover his and see if you can cope with it. And as earlier advised, do a thorough background check on him and his family before committing to forever with him. Be wise and sincerely you have to deal with your insecurities.
ReplyDelete