Do people sometimes use their parents as an excuse not to get serious with someone they are dating?Or are some parents so nosy it scares their kids?I don't get it!!!
Monday, December 07, 2020
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This format isn't new,when they wanna opt out of the relationship they use their parents as a front! The best bet is just to move on and count your loss!
ReplyDeletemeaning oga is still dating Alice codedly.......issoriate
DeleteThat's just a fuck mate. Dup his sorry ass immediately. That's always there format when they are playing you.
DeleteAs much as this chat might be doctored, such things actually do happen.
DeleteLet me share my story as I'm currently in a fix at the moment.
In my own case, I've been dating this girl for some months now. She's a great girl, understands me perfectly and I actually do love her.
Sadly, shes's from a tribe my family does not accept. To make matters worse, she's an only child from a broken home and my mother in particular has this strange bias against ladies from broken homes.
I have read stories here of in-law drama and I know my family can create issues over very trivial matters. Hence, I know if i go on with this marriage, there will definitely be in-law drama.
I stylishly told my people that my new babe is from that tribe and the way they responded wasn't friendly at all. Of course, they assumed I was joking.
Now, my babe has been disturbing me to introduce her to my family.
As much as I love her and I know I can easily defy my family and marry her, I do not want to be that man who will always be caught in between love for his wife or love for his mother and sisters. I do not want that stress and drama in my marriage.
I've hinted to her that my people are difficult but she doesn't seem to understand. I love her very, very much and I also love my family so much, especially considering that we've been through a lot as a family.
So this is quite a difficult issue for me.
PS: I haven't cheated on her and neither do I plan on doing so. She has access to my phone and social media accounts.
Anyways, concerning the topic, its not always a format. Some guys are actually in genuine dilemmas.
You knew about her tribe before asking her out. I have no doubt you knew she is from a broken home. Please free her and let her be. I guess for now ,it is all about sex for you. Please I abeg in the name of whatever you believe in to free that young lady
DeleteAnon 14.02, I understand your predicament but please let her go. How long will you continue to string her along since you will never be able to convince your family?
DeleteShe is probably turning down suitors thinking she has met the one which isn't fair.
The earlier you let her go, the better.
I forgot to add that I hope eventually when you meet a lady from the tribe your family approves, you will be happy and find peace in the marriage? I hope it won't be a case of had I known???
DeleteBros, let her go. If she was your sister, would you like it if a guy had all these your excuses? If you are too cowardly to fight for her, let her go.
DeleteFree that babe because at the end, you guys won't marry unless a change of ๐.
DeleteSome guys always have one excuse or the other to give young ladies when they don't wanna marry 'em.
I am Anon 14:02 and I appreciate the comments
Delete@ Alexander, yeah I knew her tribe before asking her out. We started out as friends and it metamorphosed into a beautiful relationship.
@ Classy, it's not about the sex. As a matter of fact, we've been mostly celibate. The sex was rather even before we started dating. Once we became serious, we more or less stayed off sex.
@ Abrodian, thanks for understanding my predicament. Contrary to what others think, I really really really do love this girl so much. It's not like I can't damn the consequences , but I know how difficult my family is.
I don't want my kids growing up being enstranged from my family.
@ Anon 15:17, if she was my sister, I would feel bad. I'm really not comfortable in this situation because this is someone I actually do love and want to get married to.
@ Mao Akuh , thanks allot
Anon, if you really really love her like you claim, make an effort and FIGHT for her! It won't be easy, but TRY.
DeleteIf all things fails, you can now move on.
DON'T move on without making efforts. It's not fair!
Sometimes our families are not as difficult and complicated as we assume in our heads. Someone needs to make a move and break the jinx.
All the best
14:02 no matter your excuses (yes they are excuses), you are SELFISH.
DeleteActually, you are HEARTLESS!
You knew her tribe and broken family status won't fly with your family yet you are stringing an only child along! FOR WHAT???!
So that when you finally marry from your tribe, this lady will go and commit suicide? ๐ก๐ค
Wicked soul forming 'I really really love her' when it is your selfish emotional needs you love.
Don't worry, when your sisters get married, you will see 'how invested they are in your happiness or that of their own husbands and children.'
FOR THIS CAUSE SHALL A MAN LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER TO CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE;AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
Its the calmness for me,the lady s still talking like this after the bombshell...
DeleteUnfortunately lady,Alice is the REAL chick,I'm afraid you have been a SIDE for 4years!!
God forbid bad boyfriend! After 4years?!
ReplyDeleteThings Dey indeed occur, my sister ๐๐๐
ReplyDelete
DeleteThis happened to someone I know , after they had been together for a while and she playing wife .
He told her his parents wouldn't approve of their relatives, she had some traits he didn't like , he saw it from the inception but kept mum.
I felt so bad on her behalf, I hate dishonesty.
God forbid bad boyfriend! After 4years?!
ReplyDeleteMiracle in cell4
ReplyDeleteWahala for people wey dey carry man matter for head.
ReplyDeleteBb you mean say you no dey boil water for your bobo? ๐
DeleteYes, it is so difficult talking to his parents and so easy to have premarital sex.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know why the lady is dragging this toddler to introduce a "girlfriend" to
his parents. A girlfriend is not a "Fiancee," is she?
In other words, for 4 years, he had never promised this lady to marry her, and she is
already talking about "marrying him in less than a year time and spending the rest of her life with him?"
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
She was dating herself
DeleteHe was catching cruise
They were not in the same book
Talkless of same page
Oh, I feel for this well mannered girl... Just look at the way she replied the guy, it shows she is a girl to take to momma but, that guy is not ready or maybe he's gat no guts and that is problem for her.
ReplyDeleteShe should set a deadline, if the guy doesn't do the necessary, she should then do the needful and call off the relationship.
She deserves a manly man!
Someone that says he doesn't want to disappoint his parents because of one Alice..? This guy is never going to marry her., Her best bet is to gather her remaining self esteem & walk away. She's been stupid for 4years, remaining in this stupidity is only going to make her keep waiting for a train at the buspark.
DeleteFor everything she had to say, the guy had an excuse. Imagine saying he was only interested in her & not her tribe..but now wants to discard her because "nma anyi si" tribe & Alice. ๐๐
May God continually punish men who intentionally make women go through this .
I don't believe all these chats, there are ways chats can be manipulated. There is even a app for these nonsense that are posted everyday. One person go sit down somewhere dey send messages to himself
ReplyDeleteMy exact thoughts.
DeleteI just wasted few seconds of my time reading rubbish.
Hahaha,My exact thoughts!..
DeleteHowever, these things happen, some of our 'Anambra men' have been known for situations like this. Them go date a chic from another tribe or Eastern state finish, time for marriage reach, ha asแป gแป "mma anyแป si, my mama say", I chee na egwuregwu.. Lots of stories like this, even from other tribes but I just yan the one wey I know cos I hail from anambra.
People just gotta do better. No dey use people play,these guys wouldn't like for their sisters to go through something like this,yet they are okay with doing it to someone's daughter/sister.
For the single ladies,if you are dating a guy and you both live in the state/city, I see no reason why you shouldn't be introduced to his parents within a yr, if he claims to be committed.. And if it's in the same country, you should be able to have spoken to them via audio/video calls, him sha suppose don show you off if he's committed.
When a guy is serious with you, you go know, e dey touch their brain, they would just want everyone to know y'all are together,family inclusive..na you go dey 'tone' the thing down sef(speaking from xperience)
To cut this epistle short, my Anambra brothers do better..
Every other tribe do better!!!
Whether you believe or not doesn't mean it doesn't happen nah!!
DeleteThese things happen very well
You're right Alexander
DeleteA year is too long abeg. Within six months, if you both are ready for marriage, the family members should know themselves.
DeleteDating someone for 2 years is even a long thing abeg. If you see no signs of commitment, just ๐ถ♀️๐ถ♀️
ReplyDelete๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ
ReplyDeleteIntroducing you to the parent doesn't even guarantee anything!!
We women should become as Intentional as men in choosing life partners and you'll see all these heart break stuff reduce!!!
Some men even introduce you sharp sharp to put your mind at rest yet they'll still mess up at the end of the day!!
Women, let's do better and be more intentional about our future
play them before they play you
DeleteThe handwriting is clearly written on the wall. He won't marry the lady.
ReplyDeleteThe girl is so right. He should have told her everything from the onset rather than wasting her time and leading her on. Introducing a girlfriend of 4years as your colleague is a slap in the face!
ReplyDeleteThe bone of contention is the tribe issue and the parents still approve Alice as their daughter in law!
Abeg, he's a no go area!
My issue here is...why is she setting deadline for herself ? Because of this nonsense deadline you will still not leave Alfred after 4 years of deceiving yourself. You didn’t meet his parent ...1 year passed....2 years passed....3years....4. Trust me it’s because of that deadline you didn’t leave . Better carry that deadline n toss it in the trash can. It’s not dependent on you! The man has to love you enough or will you force him? You can set a deadline for something that is totally dependent on you...eg read a book, finish a course, get a certification, loose 10kg but a deadline that is dependent on someone else?? No nah
ReplyDeleteSorry I’m rambling but we girls put unnecessary pressure on ourselves
This!!!!! Are we God that we now set deadline!
DeletePlease delete the deadline and pray Gods will be done in your life
As in ehen! Just 26 already setting deadline and sounds so desperate. Who even told all these ones there's a deadline?? Won't lie @ 26 I wasn't even ready. But this generation they are on the clock, my younger bro gf was actually crying putting pressure on him at just 22, I asked her why the rush, marriage is work oh. Not by even getting married but marrying right.
DeleteThere is no guarantee that after meeting the girl's family he will marry her. The chic should move on.
DeleteLol,when you ask God to give you your own MAN,you wont go through this.
ReplyDeleteHello Lady,move on cos your God given husband will find you.
The guy is just looking for excuse to leave the girl.
ReplyDeleteLol..
ReplyDeleteThis na normal levels nah..
Mehn use this "parent-tribe" excuse,.. while;
Women use the "I want to get close to God or my pastor says".... excuse ..
Would go deep on this with examples on the day I'm less busy..
Blessings
Two mumu
ReplyDeleteWhy the insult?
Delete@Stella. Please, what happened to my comment about what I learnt from relationships?
ReplyDeleteNo man can do this shit to me. never ever. Me that my mind is olomo rock. Once, you start misbehaving, i japa. I don't give s3x no matter the pleasure. if you desire it , do the needful. otor.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts: Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Mostly, it's a man that will say whether relationship/marriage will happen, or not. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Mostly, it's a woman that will say whether premarital sex will happen, or not. On balance, women desire the commitment of marriage and companionship while men desire sex. So men and women are attracted to each other cos each gender has what the other gender desires. And so that leads to marriages. God in his wisdom designed it that way.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately today, in disobedience, we women are giving sex freely so men no longer give commitment since they get it freely. Even when they marry, they easily and freely cheat on their wives cos sex is available everywhere. This guy can come up with any excuse cos he has had 4years of fulfilling sex. He will let this girl go, and get another babe easily to continue until he is actually ready for commitment.
In our disobedience and rebellion it is we women that are losing. Men are getting their free sex so they have nothing to lose. Women are not getting the total commitment they desire. I believe that God in his wisdom knows why he wants us to abstain. It's cos he loves us women. This lady should let him go and block him cos with such excuses, she can't change his mind. 4yrs is enough.
God bless you and your apt comment. It is just that easy. I'm not so adamant about refraining from premarital sex for religious reasons but I have been making a conscious effort to refrain from sex until the guy invests in me emotionally financially, with quality time etc. Because men value what they have worked for. Do u know that no man I have met has been able to meet up?? So I have been abstinent not cus of religion but because most of these men are so used to women giving it up easy that they are now so lazy to do the bare minimum. Small talk the guys will start bringing mouth to kiss then have the audacity to get offended when I pull back. Common date these guys haven't taken a girl out on but they think they deserve a kiss and sex. Na wa o The bar is really on the floor. Things dey really occur o
DeleteI'm telling u. If ladies made a more conscious effort to keep their legs closed, a lot of these men would have incentive to come correct n step their game up. Love is not this complicated or painful. It's humans with their lust, indiscipline and impatience making it so. Looking for instant gratification is not good. When your legs are closed you can really vet a man, his interest level, how responsible he is. When a man has nothing to offer a lady, the first thing he will do is try to rush her into sec because men know a woman's judgement gets clouded when they start having sex. Don't forget. Men start knowing how to finesse women from a very tender age while women are raised to be nice and think everyone has their best interest. So her ability to see that man for who he really is, reduces drastically after sex n she starts becoming more emotionally invested than the guy. This gives the guy enough time to lie, manipulate, play her, only if he truly loves her will he stay and marry but that is the exception to the rule
Delete17:19 Most cannot meet up. They weak-willed. You will have to be patient and prayerful to meet the right one deserving of you. Still that should not bother you because I am sure the ones you talked about are not the kind of men you want. Please next time when a boy gets stupidly offended please leave him there and stop everything right there. What is your business if he gets angry? I am even angry you said he got angry.
DeleteAlways trying to do the bareset minimum yet looking for a queen. How can you be bereft of all morals and lacking in principles. Some think having money is all there is.
I recall how I use to cut guys off with no compassion when I was single. The generation of men I had came across in the past were nothing to write home about. These are men you would expect to do right based on their resume. Well, The weak ones who couldn't meet up to my standard respectfully avoided me. The shameless ones got disgraced. They meet some girls who allow them be stupid and they assume you will take it too.
There was one who disturbed my friend for my digits she got tired and gave it to him, pleaded with me to be his friend though I wasn't interested in him only for the filthy thing to tell me he wants us to be friends with benefits. I laughed till tears came rolling down my cheeks.๐ I lost my cool and made him wish he had never met me. He later came over the next day with wrapped gifts to apologise that he was wrong but I was disgusted and left him there. He was just surprised you he met a different woman, he was still filthy. I thought to myself 'you want to be friends with benefits and you came to meet me of all people?" This guy obviously do not like himself.
One called and asked we meet for the first time in his house. I just blocked him. He later apologised with another line and picked a suitable place but I told him off even though he had made a reservation. So you knew the right thing to do the first time but you were testing how far I would let you be stupid? You act stupid once you are history. Like! I am not the one..I am definitely not the one.
I get your point NIB but I personally do not think I am meant to teach you how to have standards as a man that you live by. If you do not have it before we meet then you don't it after. I am going to enforce it on your overtly or covertly.
Why should a man wait on a woman to teach him how to have sense? I understand where you are coming from NIB However, The moment you let me school you on how to treat me or any other woman and be respectful as a man is be towards a woman then you are history. You become a weakling and lose your manliness in my eyes.
Ladies should close their legs not because they want a man who isn't deserving of their respect to respect them and see reasons to be with them but because it is the right thing to do. Still even if he accepts like some do. They keep you chaste while still being filthy out there. Get close to your maker he will never let you marry wrong you will find out one way or the other. A man who is not bold to stand before your maker at the altar to claim all of you has no business debasing your body.
Sorry i meant
Delete^ "If you do not have it before we meet then you don't have it after. I am NOT going to enforce it on you overtly or covertly".
Just realised the errors are much๐
Can't correct all๐
Please Read what she is saying again.
DeleteI read it and understood her perfectly but what I am saying is, that is the way it is in the world as it is right now. Hookups, FWB, one night stands, orgies, debauchery and all other vices are the order of the day. A larger percentage of men and women are hooked on the recent sex culture that right now most people do not know how to have good relationships anymore.
DeleteTrust me, I know... that is why we have so many relationships books around making money off ignorant men and women. ladies are stressing themselves perusing books like, "How to make him want you', the bitches rules, be the desirable woman he can't resist" when all they need is the Bible. Because the kind of men they are basing their writings on aren't the kind you aiming for. By the time you see how much God adores you, you lack tolerance for any man that wants to drag you the ground. All that relationship advice outside of God words aren't needed to start with if ladies just avoid these sorts of men in general. I mean the worldly kind of men.
Take a few of the advices from those books, " Do not have sex on the first date", why? because a worldly guy would naturally expect that of you anyway. What about the "three months no sex rule", do you need that if the man you are with is someone with the same biblical principles as yours? I was talking from the angle of a Godly/worldly guy. I just feel a lady who wants to stay chaste even if not for a religious reason needs to know that at the end of the day that is the best/strongest reason to shed light on her path. Yes, even if you weren't religious you will still feel the same way about keeping off pre-marital sex but, how you go about getting rid of those lust-filled hyenas will be different and less stressful. Your source will determine how fast you handle the eradication of those men.
Many men may easily grab sex and not commitment till they are ready and ladies want commitment. That kind of men, ladies who have biblical standards do not have business with them and they are best avoided all together rather than trying to make them come correct by withholding sex to see your worth. Withhold sex because that is how it ought to be and you should be with a man who feels that way too. Because the bitter truth is, even when those kind of men are ready for commitment their view of sex still stands. They are still the same person they were who hunger and grab sexual offers when the chances presented itself and the only difference is just that they are now ready for commitment. They do not see sex as sacred and will still grab sexual offers after marriage. Commitment to you does not change their low assessment of moral standards.
Now, even though to an extent your general statement about the different desires of men and woman is likely true it doesn't apply in the right context when talking about a virtuous man . Yes, he also wants sex but willing to make a commitment to get it but know this, you are not the one making it wait for it because he also wants commitment and not just sex. Whether you dangle it like a carrot or not he has enough self-restraint to hold back due to the personal conviction he made by himself( just like you did) and not you making it for him by withholding sex and that's the different.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤@NIB
DeleteOh wow thanks everyone for the response. @Sabella, I agree with you - your point applies to how an individual (single Christian woman) should reason while making her decision; in other words it's best to date men who believe in and practice celibacy of their own accord and not those who practice it cos the woman is withholding it in hope to get commitment. My point is also for the society at large - not everyone is a Christian, but if a large number of women withheld sex, whether for religious or self-respect or any reason, there would still be to a great extent, more commitment, more marriages, less single mothers, less adultery and so on. Remember that our ancestors were not Christians but they still saw the sacredness of sex as something that should be within marriage. That was how the society was held together. Of course we'll never have the times back cos the world is fated to progress with age, but the bone of it is still, our 'simple disobedience' to God led to this present society. We progressed from fornication, to adultery, bestiality, homosexuality, transgenderism, orgies, pedophilia, BDSM..etc [Some argue that these have always existed but still, not as much as it exists now]
DeleteHa Sabella sweet your point is everything. God bless you so much. I really needed this and it came at the right time. I like all of yours point and every Christian woman needs to read this. I like the angle you always write from. I now see why I never liked all those relationship books because it was too confusing for me and now I know why. Keep being you. I am bookmarking your comment. Stella thank you for this blog I have learnt a lot.
DeleteSabella I am the anon 21:57 up there. Thanks once again for taking your time and explaining further.
DeleteSabella your second paragraph is so on point. I'm super grateful I am very very close to my Dad. He thought me independence and how to carry myself so idiot men without standard avoid me. It really helpe me and I even turned to relationship counsellor to my friends๐. Its helping me in marriage now. Everyone should have standards! It prevents some very stupid individuals from having access to your life not to talk of trying to mess if up
DeleteNIB, Yes, you are right on that one. After all, we have atheists who are celibate as well. Sadly, the generation of the same society who saw the sacredness of sex back then now see it as an old enforced rule and do not care about being, "old fashioned ( like they call it) anymore. We now hear phrases like, " sexual liberation". Like you already said they keep upgrading from one level of sin to another and won't be stopping anytime soon. So, what to do?
DeleteI agree with your comment too because I suspected you were addressing a general society and that was why I felt the need to be explicit that ( for Christians) it goes beyond believing that alone and acting along that line. (Close your legs and he gets serious ) because in the end even if one of those men decide to stay because he respects the standard of a particular woman who is to say he isn't going to get out there to get it from some other women who would easily let him have his way while acting like he believes what she believes.
Same way biblical ways of handling issues don't apply to everyone for not everyone is a Christian, I also believe applying worldly tactics to grasp the intricacies God laid down between sex and commitment between men and women) isn't the way for Christians to go as well. It can only take people far but the journey has just begun. Sadly, most Christians may not know that. They may not know such methods of doing a thing may make things hard for them in the future even after those men has made an honest woman out of them.
Hmmm...Just so you know, you are one of my favourite people on here๐ค๐ค๐ค
5:44, 05:51 Thank you! I noticed wasn't explicit enough hence I expatiated. ๐ค๐ค๐ค
Vermillion, Thank you and thank God for your father and God bless you too for imbibing his teachings. It is one thing to teach your children the right path and it is another thing for them to follow.๐ ๐ ๐
Seriously, does it end up well for men who use women like this? If they don't pay for it, maybe their daughters do because I refuse to believe men who deliberately waste a genuine woman's time for years just go scot free
ReplyDeleteNo. It doesn't end well.
DeleteLife will shock you! You'd expect them to be wrenched but life has it's own plot twist I tell you.
DeleteIt doesn't dear. I met one that made me think I was the best thing to happen to him. I traveled abroad and said no to another relationship because of him. Didn't even know that he almost married another lady when I was away. I came back and we continued. He moved to a new apartment. In fact, I helped move his things from the old apartment. He wanted us to settle down asap or so I thought. We agreed on a date to visit his family but he was very busy that day so it never happened. He started acting funny. I suspected he had other women in his life. I left hurt. Thankfully, another opportunity came for me to travel abroad so I left. Two years later, I saw his wedding pictures on FB. His marriage ended after just three months. He wrote me on FB apologizing for the way he treated me. Said that it's because of where I come from (Mbaise). I am happily married and settled abroad. Thank God for saving and blessing me. It doesn't end well for them.
DeleteYou gave yourself a deadline at 26?These are the unnecessary pressure that you women put on yourselves and end up scaring men away.
ReplyDeleteAt 26, you should be thinking of getting your Phd and making yourself valuable so that any man who comes into your life wouldn't hesitate to take you home to mama.
Go back you sch young lady and make something out of your life.
Something like this happened to someone I know. She gave her best to a relationship of so many years. She served the guy and her sister as if she was married to them. The guy later disappointed her. She lost herself, much money and her time to that nonsense relationship. Women should learn to value themselves better and always know they are beautifully made. They should always be ready to trash out any ill behaved guy for their peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteNever give a man your money. Let's start there. Never date a man who stands to gain way more from you be it status, money, Visa, etc
DeleteI believe NIB on this opinions, once women stop giving men their pleasures, men will seek for commitment urgently. It is because, they know next lady is waiting at the door to continue from what you left. Abstain from sex before marriage.
ReplyDelete