Chronicles Of A Married Man -9

Have you ever seen a married couple having s#x related issues trying to discuss it and then it degenerates to family meetings?

One of the most awkward things I have had to do was trying to settle my parents when they have their usual quarrels that starts from the bedroom that relates to sex. Inasmuch I like playing counselor and the good adviser; advising my parents on how to solve their sex issues was a pill I couldn’t swallow. Awkward right? 


So, you see it’s always difficult for couples going through sex related issues to really open up to friends and family or to seek help. Everyone assumes you should sort yourselves out and no one wants to be put in that awkward position to give you advice on how to “gbensh”. Because of this, we all suffer in silence.

So, why do couples have issues with their sex life…

Before we start, let me say this. There is no couple that don’t have sex issues…none! Not even me. Sometimes even for me “Chairman” will just say he doesn’t want to do when I want to do; or I may be having some bothering issues and bills to pay that sex is the last thing on my mind; or mama may not even be looking sexy in my eyes that period. There was even a time I thought I was having erectile dysfunction and mama was asking “kilode”?

Before I got married, I was a kind of “huncle wayward”. I had my pretty share of relationships and as someone that loves to experiment especially with sex, I learnt some very interesting lessons. Even as a married man I keep learning every day. You can imagine it took me two years of constant experimenting to find out the best and quickest way to get my wife to orgasm. And as the days go by and as she continues bearing children; her body physiology changes, na so baba dey learn dey go!

So, let’s look at some of the reasons that couples have s#x related issues....

First and most importantly, lack of proper sex history of your partner…yea yea! Most couples don’t know the sexual history of their partners. This could be the missing link and why some couples will never get it right when it comes to sex. Imagine one “woke” babe with a considerable body count and with a robust sex history getting married to one “agbalagba” that just want to do “shuku shuku bam bam” and go to sleep! That will be a recipe a disaster of “world war” magnitude”, except Mr. “agbalagba” decides to change.

The point here is when you start dating and before getting married, you need know about the person’s “sex life”. It’s very key. You guys need to talk about sex…everything about sex! Your best position, your turn-ons and turn offs, how you want to be touched or sucked, the things you can and cannot do, whether you can “lick plate” or “hello to the microphone”. Such discussions are better after a good round of “gbensh” or “one-nose” like my friend will call it. Or you can communicate while doing the “do” by giving feedbacks. And guys be sharp about this…always observe her during “operations”, know the times and things you do when she screams, hold you tight and behaves like “ogbanje” during the act. And Ladies…taaaalk! 

Tell him harder Or Slower or however you want it!

By doing all these, you get more history about your partner and improve with time. My wife was a pretty timid girl from a religious home when we met. After receiving her first plate licking session. Her life never remained the same. So, talk with your partner before, during and after sex and figure out what they need.



Secondly, lack of proper understanding of times and seasons. Sex will not always be great no matter how good both of you are. No be every time una must reach cloud nine! As married couples learn to understand the moods of your partner and always understand when they are not giving their best during sex or when they are not even performing. Family problems, school fees, work stress and lack of money can kill sex drive faster than anything. So be an understanding partner. 

Some people are even married to impotent partners but they will be posting pictures of the perfect couples online. Na mama wey nor wise go fall victim, so be wise!

Thirdly, Carefreeness and lackluster attitude of some partner. Sex nor be food, sex nor be food… that’s how some people destroyed their sex life. You that used to be a waist-winder and ground-breaker, all of a sudden became an “edede” after marriage. Some women just forget that “how you get them is how you keep them”. Just remember you are going to wind it for 75years! Never lose guard. As for the men, nor let alcohol and overweight kill your mojo!

Fourthly, not seeing the big picture. Some partner believe that everything starts and ends with sex in marriage. It is not really true. You can have a terrible sex life and still have a wonderful marriage. It’s all about perception and what you can accept and live with. Always remember that every marriage has the fair share of “lack”. You will always have something you like in your marriage. For some, it is money; for others it could be in-law issues; or lack of children, or a faithful partner; or non-God Fearing partners and so on. Always learn to see the big picture about your marriage. 

Every marriage has its issues some and if it relates to sex. Learn to manage yours.

The list goes on ,We will conclude this story next week…


Ciao!