Hmmmmmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ANGRY LADY
I don't know how to describe what I am feeling maybe anger or frustration. We have a wedding to plan this year towards the end of the year and this guy decided to go apply for a 4million naira PHD program.
Yes, I applied for my MSc too but the total fees of my MSc is not even up to 700k and I can handle my program and wedding plans. Can't the PHD wait till after the event?
Now he is complaining of how he has so much expenses on him, he is still staying with his parents and he hasn't gotten a house yet talk less of getting the smallest furniture to a house.
My parents are already planning for a wedding but with all this scenario I am not seeing a wedding happening this year or next. He said I should not worry that he will start working things out from this month but I am angry.
We have been dating for 2 years and you feel you just have to start planning now? does this guy have foresight at all? Please house help me I am not just angry over nothing right? What should I do?
*Hmmm voicemail wedding.
Please tell your parents to halt all plans and sit down with your guy to find out how much he has for the wedding, what plans he has made for apartment and the way forward, otherwise you will end up carrying all the load and even after the wedding.....Discuss to share the costs and please plan small since you both have other expenses to run after the wedding...
Women sha...🚶♀️🚶♀️🚶♀️
ReplyDeleteMen shaa
DeletePoster move on. He is not ready for wedding but does not want to say it.
DeleteThats men for you.
@ Sexy hips I was thinking the same but didnt want fools to start blabbing here. Baba don dey get cold feet. Any man really wanting marriage will not knowingly create barriers. So his PhD really can't wait til after wedding huh? I call b.s
DeleteSo you open eyes korokoro and wants to go and live with in-laws in a family house? You better run away from more chronicles
ReplyDeleteWhen I was considering the idea of breaking off my engagement and needed all the time away from my then fiance because I couldn't stand him; you know what I did? I enrolled for my MSC, professional exam and started renovating my house at the same time! Anything that will occupy my time and money, I was in for it. I would still volunteer in the office to make business trips that ordinarily I would push to a younger officer. He complained and complained but who ever he spoke to saw reasons with me instead but I knew i was driving him insane. Eventually he became irrational and crazy angry(just like you are now) which helped me break it off. Everybody asked him shey na you wan marry working class?
DeletePoster, we are all selfish and all know what is priority to us. He has arranged his priorities and this wedding is not where it would match yours. Get the message and walk away with dignity.
Good point sapphire
DeleteSome men sha...I think he's not keen on wedding.
ReplyDeleteSome women sha....she applied,and don't want the man to apply too, lol.she should have waited after the event to apply for 700k for her MSc program, she's not keen on the wedding too.
DeleteAnnoy15:26, tell them oo, selfish girl.
DeleteThe difference is that she did not spend all her money on the masters. She knows she has other plans for the year but the man spent all his money on his phd and he is still living with his parents but proposed to a girl to marry her. That is a man that does not know how to set his priorities right. He has to choose, either pay for a lesser course to save money, wait till he is in a good place with his finances before getting married or move the phd to after marriage. Does he want her to move into his parents house or he wants her to get their accommodation and mange the house alone? They have to plan together. He has no business getting married if he can not set priorities now. He proposed to her, he didn’t have to propose if he is not ready. Even if she proposed to him, he could have told her he is not ready yet. Except he is doing it on purpose. These are the signs, later we will come and write chronicles.
DeleteCall off the wedding don't sit for any discussion, call it off sitting for discussion gives room for him to think he has time, infact start talking to other suitors, besides the guy looks selfish.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, please dont be bias here, the lady is the selfish one.
DeleteSelfish how?? Did you read where she said he hasn't even rented an apartment of his own. You can't be in that position and be incurring a 4m bill for a PhD that can be done after the wedding. It does not show financial responsibility and as she said a lack of foresight. Why do most people see things from the surface point of view? She said she did her Msc for 700k, that is not the same thing as 4m in the middle of a wedding plans where you haven't e even secured an apartment. I am planning to get married, first I got another bigger apartment, which I am in the process of furnishing. We have agreed on a time frame to allow us do this and the wedding without too much stress and the focus on other future plans after the wedding. You can't just be doing things abitrarily
DeleteExactly. He is acting life he is in a competition with her. Doesn’t want her to catch up with his degree. Lol. He needs to set his priorities right.
DeleteHave a wedding you can both afford,his PHD will do you both more good than people coming to devour food at your wedding.
ReplyDeleteI know we all have our dream wedding,just reason with him
Felicity, your comment is spot on !!!
DeleteA phd is an investement for future earning power, status etc. Pls support him to complete it. Wedding can be done low key using covid as an excuse. Just focus on getting the essential for the house. The only thing that is important here is doing a legal marriage and getting your own place. After the 2 of you blow(cash out/in), you can be doing anniversary for all and sundry....
DeleteHow will he pay for the course who will pay
DeletePoster if you have sense you better go with Felicity advice. The only problem here is accommodation and proper planning for your future which you both need to fix. Halt any demand on big wedding for now and focus on your future. You can just do court for now and rest. Dont do anything big. You both are already on the right part only thing is sorting your finances to what is most important. Let him go for his PHD and you go for your masters.
Delete@felicity, your advice here is the best. Only and only if he's footing his PhD bills himself MAJORLY. Believe me, you dont want to be with someone who shies away from responsibility.
DeleteFirst thing is to get a house...o else na your inlaws house you go live after the wedding, that is if they will be cash to plan the wedding. Just tell your parent to hold on
ReplyDeleteClearly, he has shown you his priority. Marriage, house and furniture are nowhere at the top of the list, sis.
ReplyDeleteExactly what I wanted to type!!
DeleteAnd this doesn't even make the guy a bad person... All you need to do is have a conversation!! You both are obviously on different lanes!!
Discuss and know how to prioritize!!
Is it anger that is making you talk about him with such coldness?PHD will open more doors in the future so its not like he is throwing the money away,atleast TALK TO HIM!
ReplyDeleteI noticed the coldness too in her narrative. I was like is there really love between these two? This marriage you are planning sounds like a business transaction to me.
DeleteYou guys should take it easy. Yes, she’s cold and that’s because she’s upset. Don’t tell me that when you’re upset you still speak in romantic language. She’s angry and disappointed. Allow her vent in peace without being judgmental.
DeleteThank you annon 17.22 everybody just talking like they are the perfect lovers. She angry for crying out loud, and she is writing anonymously, so she feels free to say it as it is. Which I am sure most of you judging will say a lot worse. Abeg let us hear word. Actually think she is justified, the guy does not seem like someone who plans properly.
DeleteNo! We are not being judgmental, we were only stating what we observed. Na you dey bring the judgmental into it. Whatever you think na you sabi 🤷🏼♀️
Delete@prettiest Rosie,years back,a marriage crumbled in less than 2weeks coe the couple went to their family friends post honey moon to greet them before the groom goes back to america,new wife received a call of congratulations from someone,the person asked who she got married to and said "to one guy like that" that the person does not know him,husband let her drop the call before bursting into tears mentioning how much he spent to come home to marry her and she describes him that tastelessly,HE LEFT THAT HOUSE WITHOUT HER and that was the end(this is a true life story please)was he right to get that angry?was she right to talk that carelessly? Little things matter,you dont get angry and refer to the person as a nobody,without feelings,the anger of 5secs ruin things made for years,your fiance is 'this guy" that guy,would he be happy seeing the way he is being referred to?would you like it too?that he calls you these things cos he is angry?mentioning it to this poster is important!
DeleteMy question is where should they live during after the PhD? If he has plans for her to pay for the accommodation, this is where communication comes in. He should discuss with her and make her see reasons why he has to do the PhD now and check if her finances can support the both of them. Phd is not a 1month course. It’s a long program. Her anger is not the wedding from what I understood reading it. The anger is the lack of plan after wedding. If he had used that 4m for their accommodation and not contribute to wedding, she probably would have felt better.
DeletePseudo wedding am sure the guy is not planning any wedding ooo
ReplyDeleteWhy don’t you both bag your postgraduate degrees, earn well and save towards a befitting wedding ceremony instead of being utterly selfish and stressing the young man? How old are you anyway? Madam, don’t you get the memo, that oga is stylishly telling you he is not ready to settle down but has hopes on a brighter future by getting better qualified instead of being saddled with one yeye liabilities? Yes he does have foresight which is why he is investing in his future by getting a postgraduate degree. Women and weddings, abeg I’m outtie
ReplyDeleteI believe you are already ok with his character before you agree to marry him(check again if he is responsible, cunny, stingy).
ReplyDeletePostpone the wedding till he get his own accommodation(dont fall for trust me i will get it before or after wedding o) and till he can contribute for the wedding . Dont start what you cant finish.
I see red flags on both ends.
DeleteIt seems both of you are interested in furthering your education. Why not have a honest discussion with him and consider postponing your wedding plans until you're both done? Or make arrangements to be in the same country for your education if you're going ahead with your wedding plans. But make sure you're both in agreement.
ReplyDeleteA big mistake would be if you decide to pay for the wedding. Ensure he pays his own quota if he wants the wedding plans to still go on. Maybe you could cut down the cost?
He is investing where he is sure of getting something in return;which is his PHD,and that is his Priority..which in summary means the "Wedding" plan isn't so important to him for now..
ReplyDeleteTake people for who they are;when they show you who they are,rather than making excuses in your head for them..
Does he love you? Maybe or maybe not..but with this act;his future educational program will always come first before you even after marriage(whether you agree or not)..
The first step is getting a house,If he can't get the basic then I don't know what else can be gotten right..
Even if he wants a small wedding;He should communicate with you because this is not just about him alone again..
You don't act single when you are planning on getting married..
@MARTINS
You are so on point
DeleteYou are so on point
DeleteSensible comment Martins
DeleteMartins you are one of the wise men I look forward to reading from on this blog. More blessings to you and your family.
DeleteHmmmmmm good point
DeleteYou sound desperate and sounds like you'd love a big wedding.
ReplyDeleteTell your parents what is going on so it won't be weird when you decide to halt plans for your big day
Very self centred being. You paid for your masters but he can't pay for his PhD. There is absolutely no difference between the two of you. What will be your own contribution to the wedding. Where I come from, it is my responsibility to marry for my sons. They would pick the women of their choice, bring her home to visit the family. If everything goes well, l start planning for the wedding. When I have done my part, they can go crazy and waste money in the name of marrying.
DeleteA man living with his parents, wants to get married and decided to randomly pay 4million for PHd is simply funding an excuse to opt out of the marriage.
DeleteIt is not about her being selfish, they apparently agreed on why kind of wedding they wanted and how much each will contribute. Hence, she stated she paid for her masters and still has that which she is meant to add as her contribution.
She is angry because this guy has paid 4million and has no money to even rent a house, for both of them to move into.
That is why she mentioned, he will start saving from now...the guy probably doesn't want to get married to her self
This na real kasala I dey see so. Poster you have to find out whether you are about to marry yourself ooo. Maybe he doesn't want to tell you straight.
DeleteTry to be objective instead of making issues all about gender wars all the time. Poster has a right to be worried from her narrative.
DeleteThere is a fundamental problem somewhere. Its more than this wedding preparation. Probably this guy has developed cold feet or not convince himself about the relationship. With what you stated it is obvious he is not ready. Both of you be calm, discuss in your happy times; where the atmosphere is not tensioned. Have a heart to heart with him and from there decide your next line of action. All the best
ReplyDeleteYou are right phoenix.
DeleteOne chance things
ReplyDeleteLook before you leap
Abi ooo
DeleteIt doesn't sound like your boyfriend is ready to settle down or to settle down with you. Why are you pushing a man who is still living with his parents and cannot afford a place of his own for marriage? Do you think all his financial concerns will disappear after marriage? The fact that he took up a 4M PhD program without consulting with you may be a big sign that he isn't ready for marriage.
ReplyDeleteIf marriage is your concern, please leave him alone. He is not ready.
@Martin you said it all
ReplyDeleteTomorrow, someone would send chronicle complaining of a husband who isn't providing yet you are planning to get married to someone who has told you plainly that he cannot afford a roof over his head.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what to say to you.
they told me in my own time, i was busy making excuses too :). They have shown me..... Thank God i can cover our financial ish. If not ehn.... Imagine the issue escalation to his family and the first word out of their mouth is 'we have told him not to marry you' what does that have to do with your son providing for his family? If i was financially helpless, maybe they would have kicked me out of the house sef. As it is now, they dont know who owns house so no one can threaten anybody.
DeleteWell done ma for keeping your home. What you are doing is not a joke. May you be rewarded.
DeleteIf the PhD is abroad, just do small wedding and run away. Ask him point blank what is budget and plan is for the wedding. If he’s wishy-washy it means his intentions are not pure.
ReplyDeleteTrue.. Ask him point blank..
DeleteHe doesn't even have a place I would have said cut out all the wedding spendings, do a quiet ceremony and proceed with your lives. The big one can come later. You both need to sit down long and hard.
ReplyDeleteSit him down and discuss about d wedding plan. Maybe he doesn't want an elaborate wedding.
ReplyDeleteBut dear poster,u will surely reap d outcome of his phD some day.
Poster you have to start preparing your mind for anything and try not to force issues. Don't worry all will be well eventually. Pls give us an update as things go on.
DeleteI see a PhD as something you can do at anytime of your life. His choice to enter such a program now is one thing, but remember that he will have little time to give to you for a few years while he completes this, which will be about five years. You may want attention as a newlywed woman, you may want to start a family within that time frame. There is a lot to think about. I wonder why he entered such an expensive program without giving you any details. Will he keep making decisions behind your back during the course of your marriage? These are things you need to ask yourself.
ReplyDeleteAmbition comes at a price and if you want an ambitious and progressive partner you have to be willing to put up with some things. Please be aware that this man appears to me to be someone who will not care about the running of the household, so do not expect him to do anything at home or care too much how things get done, the upkeep and running of the home will be on you. If you decide to move forward with the union I would strongly suggest that you keep some of your assets to yourself, do not mix everything all into one, keep something for your own survival in the event of anything.
Do whatever brings you the most peace in your spirit. Inner peace is what we are all striving for. You haven't said much about his character outside of this situation so since you know him best you know the answer.
Does your parents know that the man they want you to marry do doesn't have a house of his own?
ReplyDeleteLOL, top tier question.
DeleteAs in....e reach to ask.
DeleteYour first reference to him on the chronicle is 'this guy'.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is love in your union.
The signs are loud and clear.
She was annoyed when she wrote it obviously
DeleteWhat is the worry and fear for? Wedding is by year ending and this is just Feb. I have seen people planned wedding without having so much money in the bank. Lass lass the wedding was a big success with no debt to pay. You just have to believe in him and plan with him if he shows some seriousness.
ReplyDeleteThe year don wear canvas dey run 🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️2021.........
DeleteYou dated for two years. Your family are planning wedding. Did he propose to you? Is his family planning wedding too? Seems like you and your family are on your own
ReplyDeleteHow are you sure he is ready to marry you.
ReplyDeleteThat guy has someone else to marry. Open your eyes now and move on before you will come back with heart break story
He either doesn't want to marry now or doesn't want to marry you. Keep your options open.
ReplyDeleteBest summary Leo.
DeletePlease take things easy and slowly,one step at a time. Just be very observant and sincerely talk to him.
ReplyDeleteAsk him questions like what does he really wants now or he is not ready to be married. His answers will determine if you will go ahead with the wedding or you can postpone it.
He might just be under pressure.
Let him get a house before you get married please.
I don't understand why he will pay for a PhD without consulting with you. Are you sure you are not stressing this guy into marrying you? And, after all the chronicles you have read here, you actually want to marry a man who still lives in his family home? Come on! What is wrong with you people. Stella has done her own public service; hopefully everyone will receive sense. Please chill for now. Marriage is not a rush matter. And, must you spend so much to marry a man who does not even have room and parlour to his name? Why can't you people do a small court wedding and simple trado if you are nickeling and diming. Corona is not enough for you, you want to use your hand to add trouble?
ReplyDeleteAfter they do a small wedding, they would stay in his parents house! Must u marry him??? The accommodation matter is enough not to marry him , it’s obvious he isn’t ready, your family is d one preparing for marriage not him
DeleteA conversation with your man will answer all the questions in your head.
ReplyDelete