Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicles Of A Married Man - 11

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Sunday, February 07, 2021

Chronicles Of A Married Man - 11

Ever seen that couple where everything seems so perfect and you begin to envy them and say “I wish my marriage could be like this”. That is how people see me and my wife. We were the envy of family and friends but I still cheated on my wife. Not once, but a couple of times.

Amaka was the side chic!





Not that my wife wasn’t beautiful or sexy or wasn’t giving me the sex I needed. Not that the other woman was better looking or I was having any issues with my wife. That should get you wondering; why would a man want to throw away a good marriage because of his “wandering” di#k? Why would he want to throw away his reputation and peace of mind, not to talk of the possibility of contracting an STI/STD or fathering children out of wedlock?


I wish I could give you the answers you need. But I can’t. 


We have seen great men at the height of their careers with so much to lose like fall into this trap. 

A friend of mine once told me how a wealthy group of Nigerian elites were doing “boys talk” on the golf course; and one said “you see those dirty looking ones (he was referring to his kind of women) like the cleaners, house girls and street hawkers, those are the types that gets me crazy. I will do anything to bed the one I set my sight on”. This man in question is the CEO of a well-recognized Nigerian company with a lovely family. 

Now imagine the scandal and what he will lose if he is caught in the act! Men sef! What’s even our problem?


So, back to my case. Let me give you some background about myself. I am a fifth-generation offspring of a very polygamous family, and an Urhobo man ....

 For my extended family, they see polygamy as normal. From both sides of my family, I have witnessed firsthand the devastating effects of what polygamy can do and I am a victim of it. So, I made a promise to myself, that i will never be involved in polygamy. But still, having a polygamous family and cheating on your wife are two different things altogether. The point I am trying to make is that I grew up in an environment where having multiple women is a norm.


I am not going to tell you reasons why men or even I cheat. It is morally wrong on all levels and cannot be justified by any reason. We still do it nonetheless. I have always said most men will cheat if they have the means, the opportunity and if they have rationalized the consequences. I am a man and I can tell you the percentages of cheating husbands are very high. I work in an industry with lots of money and we work in remote locations; so, I know the numbers.

In 2012, we went to Ghana for a job for three months. Lots of my colleagues, fathered children before they left!

For me, it’s a struggle and a personal battle but I am winning for now. It’s just like any other sins or struggles that we all have as humans in life. We all have bad habits and perversions we all fight to get ride of. But with discipline and the help of God, we overcome them.

Let me tell you more about Amaka.

Amaka is the result of the type of society that we have found ourselves today. She is the type of person that had previously said “I will never date a married man, never!”. She is the career woman who can pull her own weight. She is not looking for an “urgent 5k” from a man, neither does she want to be dependent on any man. She is well read, exposed and knows what she wants. So how did she get herself entangled with a married man?


There lies in the issue. The women these days are getting smarter, more educated and even more hardworking than the men. That’s the plain truth. We have seen cases of well-educated women with thriving careers. Yet there are scarce men to take them as wives. Some men are even scared to approach such women. So, some of the men that are confident enough with the resources and requisite maturity to manage such women are most times the married men. You are welcome to argue with me…but there is a truth to it.

Amaka and I started as online friends, and feelings developed along the way. I have always been open about my marital status and I have always proclaimed my love for my wife. So, we knew what we were getting ourselves into. After that incident with my wife, I had to let her go. 

Alas, she was a good friend. She is still unmarried. If you ask her, she will even tell you she is not going to get married.

Did my wife catch me cheating? No, she didn’t. But she has always been suspecting me and besides she is the chairlady of team “snoop”. So, baba has to be doing “laundry and dry-cleaning” on the phone. I cannot hide my password from her. The snooping has always caused quarrels. But she is calming down now.

 As for me, I am winning the war against cheating now, I am in a better place now.


There are a few things my wife told me about how to suspect if your husband is cheating…she actually used them on me.

- When there is a sudden change in his lifestyle or habits. Men are animals of habits. When there is a sudden change, something is fishing.

- When he takes his bath immediately he gets home, especially people like us that hate night bathing.

- When he becomes too secretive with his phone especially when he starts behaving funny with his calls.

- When he becomes suddenly conscious of his looks.

- When he starts picking unnecessary fights. And When he gets too conscious of the contents of his trouser pockets.


The matter long, I will rest here for now.


Ciao!


100 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing your marital experiences. They are really shady and full of untruthful generalization. But they are your experiences.
    My own experience is that people like you who were have premarital sex while dating/in courtship hardly ever remain faithful to their spouses after marriage. That is where the door is opened to the Serpent to creep in; and that is the "reason that is unknown to you" as for why "men cheat." But the truth is that, your wife is likely doing it more that you. Yes, that has been my experience. I have for decades been a leader in ladies' fellowships and
    I know their history and antecedents and struggles.
    On a personal note, when an individual is truthful to Christ and live the life he/she confessed to live, there is no hypocrisy, no unfaithfulness, no struggles to be chaste and no loss of peace.
    Shalom. πŸ’πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

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    1. Sex outside marriage is wrong but pls there are men who didn't do it during courtship but still cheat Biko.

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    2. "My own experience is that people like you who were have premarital sex while dating/in courtship hardly ever remain faithful to their spouses after marriage". That is the truth.

      If you do not have any issue with engaging in pre-marital sex you will definitely cheat after marriage. No one should expect loyalty from such a man. It's that simple.

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    3. Anon 13:36. Then they were cheating codedly before marriage but you did not suspect. Slow poison and smooth operator na dem.

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    4. Please stop with the generalizations, my hubby and I didn't engage in premarital sex but he was codedly having sex with junior colleague at work. I was carried away by his sanctimonious and prayerful way of life not until I caught them 8 yrs after marriage so please say what you know, human knowledge cannot equal to God's, only him knows it all, in and out.

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    5. Hanna you were the only one who was not engaging in the premarital sex he was obviously doing it at your back.

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    6. Anon 13:14, You are correct. Truth is bitter but it has to be said. Premarital sex is the root cause of infidelity in marriages. When the hedge is broken ,the serpent will bite!

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    7. I was dating a married man and his wife found out. Things are really bad for him and I'm learning that it was not his first time getting caught. It's not clear what's going on right now but I won't be able to brush of the guilt if this breaks his home. I don't know what to do to help him fix this.

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    8. 13:14 I was agreeing with your comment till I saw you say the wife is also cheating. Ejoor oo
      Don't let him go and start suspecting the wife you know he is the only one that has the passport to cheat and still not know why.

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    9. I have been married for 37 years and have never cheated on my wife not even an errant kiss. I have been tested many times but I resisted because I RESPECT my wife. Respect comes before love and religion. Couples must have mutual respect and trust for each other. Another help is that we live in the abroad where the temptation for extra marital affair is less than in Naija. Most couples in Naija say they love each other but they lack mutual respect for each other. There can never be love without respect and trust. Respect is not the kneeling or bowing down type but treating your spouse as you will want to be treated.

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    10. God bless you Matman

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    11. You have Fallen into the same trap of generalization you accused OP of. See? You cannot possibly know for sure that ALL those who had premarital swx cheat and then all those who did not are able to stay faithful. It is a flat out untruth. Pls do not perpetuate it. The world is not limited to Nigeria, there are people without a 'consciousness of Jesus' who love, respect and keep to their marital vows even if they had swx before getting married.

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  2. Hmmmmmmhhh Na waoohh.

    This matter...

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    1. There are men who don't cheat but very rare. My husband cheated at 10 months into the marriage, he got a car and within 3 weeks of it, he met a girl where landlord association went to buy solar for our area, he never hides being a married man, always with his ring and the lady still accepted.

      He's a Muslim and the girl is a worker in their church, like 11 years age difference between them. He changed his password but I knew the new password too, checked and read their chats, though he deleted most of them.

      After 3 weeks of dating, he took her to hotel, although they never had sex but romance as at then, didn't know maybe they later had sex before leaving themselves because they've separated now, in their chats, my husband was demanding for sex and the lady replied "I love how we did it last week, that I'm on top". My husband replied that she will like it now, but he didn't enjoyed it because she refused taking off her clothes completely"

      Do you know what? I was hurt seriously but yet, he never knew I read it, it was later I said it, my husband swear with anything you can think of that there's nothing like that, he finally accepted it after 6 months, but no apologies.

      Whenever he starts cheating, he's always petty and he will look for a way for us to keep malice so that he will be alone in his room to chat very well. Guess he started dating another one last December. My love for him is dead and buried.

      He's everly possessive of his phone, but he will never pick any girl's calls in the house.

      This is one of the reasons most married women are also cheating too, looking for someone to keep their company when their husbands are busy giving another girl their time and attention.

      Mind you, I married him a virgin at 31, he can't go more than 1 round and with very small dick, yet, he's busy begging small girls for sex even when I told him I'm not satisfied at home. God knows this marriage will end in divorce, very very soon. He doesn't value me or respect my family, I wish I can open up on what I'm passing through

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    2. Anon 15:15
      I sending you hugs (e-hug)
      I understand perfectly well
      This too shall come to pass,please don't take rational decisions at the verge of your emotions
      Calm down, think and strategise
      And pray.

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    3. @anon 15:15 story of my life, just got married recently, in fact last month and discovered my wife has been cheating all along, she deletes her chats, I’ve never snooped, she gave me her phone to call a number for her, the message came in, I saw it was devastated, I was shaking, that the phone nearly dropped, she also password her phone, last week saw she had deleted all the chats, I’m still sad, and this is a woman so sanctimonious, Mary Magdalene doesn’t come close, I’m at a loss at what to do, all the feelings is gone

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    4. Thanks to everyone of you, I really appreciate you, I will come out strong and share my healings story

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    5. At anon 15:15 I really feel what you're passing through. Just imagine, he even met you a virgin, some men are just scum. Don't stop praying for him, it could be spiritual problem

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  3. "When he takes his bath immediately he gets home and when he picks unnecessary fights".I can totally relate.God help marriages.

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    1. To remove the perfume smell

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    2. Proud baby mama. No headache no skin pain. Just loving my baby, not sharing emotions or home with no fool

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    3. Lol. What about the one who takes the shower before they get home? Some men are just nasty sex freaks

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  4. Dude.... Stop na... U dey expose too much!

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    1. 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣

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    2. He hasn’t taught us anything new! We already know. πŸ˜ƒ
      Sometimes when they come back looking fresh that’s a red flag too. Some shower before coming home. Especially the ones with mistresses. They come home, don’t eat, and go straight to bed.

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  5. Poster, I am not surprised you would cheat after you got married. Since you engaged in premarital sex then slipping and dishonouring your marital vow was bound to happen. It's a given! That is how you know a man who would commit adultery after being wedded if they do not have self-control during the relationship phase then do not expect they would conjure one from outer space immediately after marriage. Thank God for your family and yourself that you are changed now.

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    1. Ma Savella, people who didn't have premarital sex still cheat after marriage. Some virgins get married and start cheating. Not having oremarital sex isn't a guarantee, the grace of God, fear of.God and discipline come what may is!

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    2. Please stop with the generalizations, my hubby and I didn't engage in premarital sex but he was codedly having sex with a junior colleague at work. I was carried away by his sanctimonious and prayerful way of life not until I caught them 8 yrs after marriage so please say what you know, human knowledge cannot equal to God's, only him knows it all, in and out.

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    3. There are a whole lot of men who engaged in premarital intercourse and make good and faithful husbands. There are equally men who engaged in premarital abstinence and turned out to be serial cheats. Cheating is a conscious decision and has a lot to do with character and Nothing whatsoever to do with premarital sex. I have been married for almost 10 years and dated my wife for an extra 6 years and yes we engaged in a whole lot of premarital sex. Aside from when we started out initially in uni I have been faithful to her, so lets say give or take for 15 years i have been with just her. It was a conscious decision on my part to do so and also cheating is not a part of my character since I dislike sneaking around. My wife will even catch me once i start cheating cos my phone has never had a password, I'm a terrible liar and also a whole lot of things will change about me.
      Do I meet women who tempt me? Of course I do!!! At times like that I spend as much time with my wife (she's also my best friend) as possible and go on a trip if we can get time off work and I can send our kids to our parents while also avoiding temptation cos i believe avoidance is key.
      Point is cheating is a choice/conscious decision and the poster made a decision to do better, please leave premarital or extramarital sex out of it and encourage people to work on bonding with their partners more and improved communication/shared activities.

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    4. My dear pls tell them cos they will not hear and get all defensive. When he was justifying premarital sex in the second episode, shebi we were saying it. Fornication and adultery are two sides of the same cloth: having sexual relations with someone who is NOT your wife. You do it before marriage, you will most likely do it after marriage. Celibacy provides an avenue for spiritual discipline.. you have to discipline the flesh, if not you become a slave to it. And it's possible, for God provides the grace.

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    5. I know, Ma'am.

      Then we can say that the issue is with the people who cannot see why and not the virgins. You see, the problem most people have is equating virginity with godliness and it isn't so. Tons of virgins aren't chaste nor godly and their level of godliness won't lit a candle when placed alongside a celibate man or woman who has engaged in all forms of immoral vices and then decided to retrace his/her steps and keep their foot deeply rooted in God's word.
      Then when people see a virgin without a solid foundation in Christ cheating later in marriage they cannot understand because they failed to differentiate, then they utter statements such as your first sentence. Using just any virgin you come across who cheat later in marriage as a benchmark to generalise all virgins doesn't cut it. You have to ask if with their virginity they still have the fear of God and moral discipline to go along with it and keep them in check. The grace of God is always present for anyone who surrenders his/herself to his will.
      Now, This doesn't remove from my first comment above. My first comment still stands. His wife should not be surprised he cheated. It was bound to happen.

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    6. @cute, of course Christianity is a journey and not a destination. You can't say cos me and boo never had premarital sex, we will never have issues, come what may. No, the devil will forever come with temptations so we must remain steadfast, sober and prayerful, to withstand the whiles of the evil one.

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    7. Hanna, I am deeply sorry but I think he wasn't abiding but fooled you into thinking he was and you were the only one who kept to your own part of the deal while you dated. May God restore your home.πŸ™

      Anon 15;12, I commend you but you said something. "Avoidance is key" very true and it seems you and your wife have never been apart from each other. Now, in a situation where you have to travel to a different country for a year or two and she isn't there to catch you or monitor you (since you already admitted you aren't good at hiding) now the coast is clear since that seems like one of the things holding you back. Very high probability, You will end up cheating Compared to someone who has worked up his self-control for long till he got married.
      But you, You do not know your threshold and how far you can keep away amid temptation since you have sheltered yourself for long using your wife as a shield. Away from her, travel alone for many months or years then let's see what you are capable of.
      Scroll down. Can you vouch for yourself that you won't cheat if you had to from home from home for two years like that person below?

      NIB sweets, Most would not admit it but it follows that trajectory most of the time.

      15:34 thanks.

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    8. @sabella Stop all these generalization, and being sanctimonious, please, it’s getting on my nerves, and stop using Christ or the bible, over 6 billion people in the world, are they all Christians, a pastor is currently trending, can you stand in front of him and say he is not in Christ, please, cheating is a conscious effort, you don’t have sex in public, you don’t just cheat like I’m going to have lunch, it’s planned, you can plan to be your best or you can decide to cheat on your partner, you could be in Christ and still cheat case in point most of your so called pastors, and stop quoting the scriptures please, you don’t need to be in Christ to know cheating is all shade of wrong, and you don’t need to be in Christ to not cheat, I’m tired of you assistant Jesus, cheating is a moral issue, a conscious decision whether you want to or not, not a religious issue

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    9. Anonymous 16.07 may God bless you. 7 billion people, buddists, muslims, traditionalists. Some of them haven't cheated and yet they don't know Jesus. Annoyingly the sabella is not married but seems to have the dossier on all things relationships, how? If you know so much please go and get a cure for cancer. And you people need to stop the generalisations on this blog, ALL MEN OR ALL WOMEN. where did you get the statistics of 7 billion people from?. Use words like i have seen or i think biko. And Nope there is no manual for how your marriage turns out virgin or not. Religious or not.
      The poster has admitted his fault and is doing his best to work on his flaws, that's really all that matters.

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    10. Anon 16:07, If my comment gets on your nerves you might as well just avoid it.
      I do not understand how you would force yourself to read a comment that makes your stomach churn as you claim yet you still turn around and try to bite my head off like I pleaded for your time.

      I do not know why you expect me to be overly engrossed in the ways or lifestyle of over 6 billion people who are not Christians like the lifestyles of non-Christians folks are my business, to begin with.

      The response to the rest of your statement is well-addressed under Nikki's comment below at 16:10 just three minutes after your comment I didn't see and I brought it here for you.

      *****************************
      "I say this but most do not understand. If you do not have your mind renew it is just a matter of seconds before you fall face flat. Don't brag yet! Even Christians should never brag. Even Godly Christians have to continually have their minds renew else they end up like David who in a matter of seconds did the unthinkable with someone else's wife. But he felt guilty because of his walk with God prior to that incidence. He retraced his steps swiftly and he acted contrary to many men who cheat but do not feel guilt and continue because the fire of the holy spirit in them is dead". What have you said in the rest of your comment that isn't up there in mine?

      Next time, try to keep your emotions in check if you want to have a discourse with me or better still, simply avoid me. I am not for everyone and that explains why you will forever feel the way you do when you sight my comments.

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    11. 16:42 Whether "The Sabella" is single or married you will still be annoyed.
      Since I have the dossier on all things relationship according to you then how about you take on the cure for cancer while your other minion sort out that of covid? You both can't be totally useless, right? Division of labour to the rescue. How about that?
      Simply because they are lots of others who aren't and haven't cheated and there are others who have Christ and still cheat does not mean that they are others who living in Christ hasn't helped to keep in check? If you doubt this then the joke's on you.






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    12. But the Isabella you are fighting already talked on the point you raised since morning Nah and she even admitted that Christian men can cheat wella.
      Na wa o
      🚢‍♂️

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    13. @sabella, you seem like you desperately want to be right. Try to understand that your truth will not necessarily be the next person's truth. No one truly knows or underatands everything, do what works for you and understand that it will never be a general rule.

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    14. 17:40 you noticed too?.
      I thought I was the only one who noticed. The lady has explained almost all angles but they must call her names sha.

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    15. You are wrong on this one dear Sabella

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    16. Why such attack on Sabella eee?

      These are her opinions and I don't think she forced them on anyone.
      This is borderline jealousy sha.

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    17. Please SDK i'd urge you to tell your followers to be couth in their choice of words, a situation where sabella thinks to use very demeaning words like 'we can't be totally useless in reference to the anonymous above shows the kind of personality she is.

      On a public forum someone chose to use these words 'Poster, I am not surprised you would cheat after you got married. Since you engaged in premarital sex then slipping and dishonouring your marital vow was bound to happen. It's a given! That is how you know a man who would commit adultery after being wedded if they do not have self-control during the relationship phase then do not expect they would conjure one from outer space immediately after marriage'. Is really what irked me.

      There is no straight cut plan for how life would be and a situation where people presume to know God and what God wants is not nice.

      A persecutor of christians (paul) on his way to Damascus was chosen to become one of the greatest apostles of all times. Solomon with his many wives and concubines was given riches and wisdom far above any other king.

      I always say this 'to appreciate righteousness is to know sin and the forgiveness that comes with it'. To condemn anyone and feel like u are the righteous one or all knowing one is not appropriate.

      Let's learn to lift people not condemn, the poster already had a recognition of his faults and is trying to improve.

      I wish u well sabella and NOPE i can never be useless and you would never attain my heights in this life so let the joke be on you.

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    18. Sabella ride on.. You took the discourse from all angles and they are shaken to their marrow...Truth will always be bitter. Godliness with contentment is great gain.

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    19. Anon 20:21 useless in this context is not an insult. I am not the type to insult anyone. You do have to tell stella to give me a warning because she knows in her of hearts. I can be very civil even when passing my message across. Even the insults you three at me I ignored them and pretended like I did not notice. Practice what you preach.

      Maybe I should have rephrased it better and written it well by saying, 'make yourself useful too?' Trying to turn that word 'useless' around and making it into a big deal says more about you than it does about me because you can not pretend you do not know in what context I meant it. Since she felt I should make myself 'useful' by taking on the cure for cancer while also having the answer to every question then it begs the question, if I do all that what would she be doing? What service will she be rendering if you expect me to do so much coupled with what you believe I was doing. 'Useless' in this context meant 'unserviceable'. She can't be totally "UNSERVICEABLE"
      But since I was misquoted even though it was of no fault of mine, I apologise.


      You threw a lot of insults at me but I ignored them because I saw your emotions was at play and it seemed you wanted to elicit a response from me but still you turn around to look for a loophole in my comment that doesn't exist while pretending you have no idea what that term meant in the context it was used. look here, I do not know you but please and please I beg you with everything you love refrain from my comments next time and if you have an ID use it so I can do you the favour as well.

      Your kept laying unnecessary emphasis on how I condemned people simply because I made a point which has been made over and over again on this same post. Scroll up down it is everywhere by different people. Despite after all I wrote you pretend not to see where I acknowledged he is a changed person even though he said he was still changing, I ignored and said he has changed and still said 'A godly person should never brag still, because they can also cheat'. If I was trying to put on a righteous front i wouldn't have said that.

      No, I do not wish you well rather I wish every 'single' person well and pray life turns out the way they wish it for themselves irrespective of whether they wish me well or not but still I say every single negative words of yours to me back to you anon 20:21. Since you decided to resort to a curse the I return your curse to you in a million folds that you will never attain my heights in this life and the joke is on you. I will attain your heights and beyond. What am I even saying? I have gone past it years ago and I hate to say this because the only success in life I believe is a life of holiness and not of material gain but since you chose to go that route I would let you know that If you know me in real life, you will pee on your pants.

      Delete
    20. Na wa witchcraft is real oo
      Why are you all trying to twist this babe comment? Saying she say you are a useless person...So you are both anon 16:07 and 16:42 talking to yourself and saying thank you at the same time.
      English is hard sha
      Isabella is good for you too speak grammar that others can understand you will not gree just to show us you go school. Hmmm

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    21. I do not think she should ride on. She should ignore at this point. Can't you see these people are commenting out of hatred and using this post as an excuse to drag her. Isabella ignore biko.

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    22. How these Christians are quick to anger and insults is what I do not understand.

      Premarital sex is a sin, we agree, how about anger?

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    23. Guessed I was too pissed to notice the typos.
      *"you do not have to tell Stella to give me a warning because she knows in her heart of hearts I can be very civil...

      *threw" phew!

      Thanks, 22:04. It's so glaring hence I am keeping my cool.

      Delete
    24. Anon 22:38 where is the anger and insult nitori olorun bayii?. Did we read the same thing?. hianest!!!. We know the aunty you are trying so hard to paint bad out of the two even if you make it look like you are addressing both. Who doesn't know Isabella is a very cool person she is blunt but she is cool so Let it rest. what has she said sef that others have not said today but all of you must perch under her comment to get a reaction from her and if we check now all of you may be one of her fake friends who went anon to drag her. Hmmm aye le.

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  6. 1. "I am not going to tell you reasons why men or even I cheat. It is morally wrong on all levels and cannot be justified by any reason. We still do it nonetheless".

    Nice one. I belong to this school of thoughts. The fact that one engages in certain vices doesn't mean the person should justify it. Justifying bullshit is a different kind of dumb ass move. It's how I feel when I see people justifying pre marital sex. I see such people as people who would never admit when they do wrong. They'll keep making stupid excuses for doing such. Avoid such persons.

    2. "There lies in the issue. The women these days are getting smarter, more educated and even more hardworking than the men. That’s the plain truth. We have seen cases of well-educated women with thriving careers. Yet there are scarce men to take them as wives. Some men are even scared to approach such women. So, some of the men that are confident enough with the resources and requisite maturity to manage such women are most times the married men. You are welcome to argue with me…but there is a truth to it."

    I don't agree with this. I think if people stop deceiving and lying to themselves that there can be close friendship between opposite sex, the better. When opposite sex start spending more time together, feelings begins to grow, before you know it, they're offing pants. It's very common with those 'friends' that sleep in each others house. How I go get babe and she go tell me say she won go dey sleep for a male friend house and I'll be okay with such.. Shey she dey whine me nii.. Nothing good happens after 11pm, even online, check out the kind of discussions that happens between such 'friends' after 11pm.. that's the time sex chats, nude pix and videos start getting exchanged., talk less on when they're together physically in the same house, worst of all, on the same bed.. no to even talk about when the brother would be having early morning erection oh.. Omo.. make we no dey whine ourselves, there's nothing like close friendship between opposite sex. That's where the case between you and amaka started, and see ehn Bros, SHE'LL DO SAME WITH A LESSER GUY WHO SHOWERS HER WITH ATTENTION AND SHE BEGIN TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIM TOO,
    Money is just an added advantage .. it has nothing to do with women being smart and more hardworking, show me the hard work make i seeπŸ˜’πŸ˜’.. it's just the lose guarding between you two. Close friendship between opposite sex na scam. I use to tell 'relationship people' that if their partners are regularly online at midnight and isn't chatting with them, make them better move on. Argue with your keyboard ✌

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Dante. I say this too. You spend soo much time with the opposite sex yet you say there's nothing to it. Hian

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    2. Dante clear and concise! πŸ’―%
      I couldn't agree with you more. The first I've seen you make an unbiased, factual comment on man-woman relationship..

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    3. @DANTE, I beg to differ. I have male friends that I feel nothing for and can NEVER feel anything for. infact, if you are my male friend and you have the hope that anything can happen between us then you are sitting on a lonnng thing. You know why, as a rule I dont keep people that I might be attracted to as a friend. The moment I see you and I noticed something nice about you I will not give you my number or give any chance of having any friendship with you and it has always worked for me.
      I am very selective and precise when it comes to relationship so I can't date any of my male friends.
      Before I got married, my married friends will be like, but that your friend is handsome now, why can't you guys hook up and just get married. I will be like, honestly I dont see what you are seeing. Handsome kwa? Its like saying I should get married to my elder brother because that is the way I see all of them.
      The day I met my husband, we started talking, he asked for my number, I gave him because I knew I will date him.

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    4. I beg to differ as well dante. Everyone is not built that way, some people actually respect boundaries. Why can't people be friends without anything attached? Been there and done that biko

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    5. Anon 16:21 you are me and I is you. Dante please do not make assumptions.

      I have very handsome friends yes I said it with my chest but I have boundaries. If me and a guy started with friendship omo he will die in my friend zone ni o. But if we started with him approaching me that he likes me and it doesn’t workout then we can’t be friends no way.

      My handsome friends I have no desire for them just straight friendship and we chat regularly and I can call them at anytime even at 2am when I need to talk or need a friend.

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    6. Thanks for this unbiased comment.

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    7. All of you should be deceiving yourselves there. I bet that's how amaka too was talking until it happened. I stand with my point. Continue deceiving yourselves and not me. I won't say more than that or share my life experiences cos I want to prove a point that common sense is enough to.
      I knew it would be women that would agree against as usual as una no dey like hear truth.

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    8. Dante stop being deluded I’m anon 17:25 and at 34 years old I can beat my chest and say I have never ever slept with any of my friends or allow any guy to cross over from friend zone and get this I have also never ever dated someone at work because I don’t eat where I sh!t

      I’m a woman of principles and been celibate for over 7 years!

      Delete
  7. What do men really want?? You have a beautiful sexy wife both character wise and competence yet, you cheat. What exactly do you guys want?? I'm baffled

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Biologically, testosterone explained why. However, both genders cheat like hell, the reason why, is the only difference.
      Men cheat for sex, women cheat for money.. terms and conditions apply tho

      Delete
    2. Some men are enslaved to sin, but they don't know. They have no control over the flesh, and it has dominion over them. Fornication seems like a 'small sin' to us, but that simple disobedience has led to the sexual perversion of our generation. Just like the deceit that happened in Eden. The serpent made Eve think, what is so wtong in eating an apple? You start with Fornication, there is a high chance you will graduate into adultery. Marriage does not cure sin. Rather, the same way those who live righteously grow in righteousness, those who live in sin, grow in the sin. Because the sin itself wants a relationship with you. Even when we want to repent, the sin fights for our soul, and it becomes a struggle.

      Young ones, please let us flee fornication. Romans 12. Sins of the flesh wars against the soul.

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    3. I'm asking this cos when I'm in a relationship nobody looks better to me than the person I am with and I don't care how attractive you look. My baby is my baby.

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    4. Tenny and that’s on Mary had a little lamb. Periodt

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    5. NiB no other truth than your comment!

      May God open the hearts of those who need this truth to receive it and be set free!

      Delete
  8. There are no statistics anywhere that folks that never had pre marital sex are faithful or do not cheat in marriage. Some have this feeling of "is this what I have been missing?"

    There are cases of village virgins that grew wings and have not come home after flying away. It's an individual thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then you have to be specific the kind of virgins you are talking about.i think there are two categories of virgins.the one who was a virgin due to lack of opportunities and those are the ones you used in your example as the village girls who tear eye when they reach lagos.
      You can not use the virgins in this category as an example for all virgins they just need one opportunity to show their wide side and they do pass some lagos babe then the second category
      Virgins due to principles high morals or godly standard these ones even with all the opportunity presenting itself they cannot cheat lailai for where..you see they have moral that have been moulded over time so it continue till after they enter marriage.
      Let me use myself as an example, I use to say the first girl I toast is the one I will end up marrying but it did not happen like that. I married later as a virgin and I cannot expose my private area to a stranger lailai. My first son just turned 12 this February and I have never seen any other woman's body and have no desire to. I don't even know how other put their penis in a public vagina. So just look at the reason why that person is a virgin you will be able to know who will cheat or stay like before. 95% of virgins will stay like that after they marry even when opportunity is there.and when a guy sleep with you before he marries you please just prepare yourself unless God arrest him later. I travelled for business two years came back home like that. Fine women everywhere but they are not my wife.

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    2. God bless you!!!

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    3. Thank you! 15:07 This look similar to what I wrote up there. Being a virgin is not enough. That is why a man might marry a virgin then later have a heart attack if he finds out she cheated on him. Why was she a virgin in the first place?
      Ask yourself that.

      God bless you and yours.

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    4. @15:07,"I married later as a virgin and I cannot expose my private area to a stranger lailai. My first son just turned 12 this February and I have never seen any other woman's body and have no desire to. I don't even know how other put their penis in a public vagina"

      Thank you, this your quote is everything. There is just something wrong with sleeping with someone who is not your spouse. Our ancestors were not Christians, but they agreed with God on this one. It was such that if a man impregnates a woman, he had to marry her. (I disagree with this law but it's to show the mindset then). That is how sacred and private, sex was and should be.

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    5. 15:07 you were well-raised. I pray many parents take care in raising godly and disciplined sons.

      Why 'most' men CHEAT is because they were raised in such A PERMISSIVE way by parents who believe boys should not be domesticated, be allowed to keep late nights, keep different girlfriends at the same time. The list is endless.

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  9. Married men and lies about marrying a useless wife, i regret my marriage bla bla....and getting good girls in trouble and then running back to madam. Thunder fire all of una gbola both huge and tiny

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣

      Delete
    2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

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  10. There's no justification for being unfaithful. Self discipline and regard for one's partner should make one have a rethink before cheating. If the tables were turned and his wife revealed she had an affair, the story would have been different.

    With respect to 'Amaka', all I see is 2 adults deliberately having a pre- meditated affair.

    ReplyDelete
  11. There's no justification for being unfaithful. Self discipline and regard for one's partner should make one have a rethink before cheating. If the tables were turned and his wife revealed she had an affair, the story would have been different.

    With respect to 'Amaka', all I see is 2 adults deliberately having a pre- meditated affair.

    ReplyDelete
  12. All your wife said is true and could be reversed back to catch a cheating wife; Easily irritated. Finding fault easily. Spends more time on phone. Coming back late from work or school. Distracted. Does things at home fast. Not interested in hubby.


    The issue of bathing might work for some but I bath as much as 7 times before night sleep if heat is much and I am at home some days. If I go out and come back, straight to bathroom. Not out of cheating, no. But staying fresh. I am used to it and wifey knows its the way it is. I can bath by 7 pm or 9 pm and bath again before going to sleep say by 1 am. I sleep fresh. Small heat irritates me.

    And to us men, reasons we cheat is beyond us. A man will have Miss world in all her package as a wife and will be peeping his house girl bathing in the dark. Now tell me what is he's going to see in the dark! Men have walked away from kingdoms, waved bye to political positions, damned family, forgot money, did not care about scandal just to sleep with a woman.

    If there were 2 Eves, I have this believe Adam would have made up stories to go see the other woman occasionally.

    Sex is a man. Women are meeting up but no, man is sex.

    P.S.
    This is in no way condoning cheating.

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  13. "..... I have always said most men will cheat if they have the means, the opportunity and if they have rationalized the consequences".

    Nothing more to add.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Most not all. Some even if you decide to kill them or point a gun for them to cheat they will rather die". I will never cheat. That heaven we must make am when God say time don ready.πŸ™

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    2. 15:10πŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌ

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  14. Na just "oju kokoro" dey do men. Only with the renewed mind of christ can one live above this type of life. Anything else, and it is just a matter of time before you meet your specs in the right place and time. Bros u go knack. Only christ can save us fa. How about married men wey dey bring different girls dey knack for matrimonial bed? Then you sneak them out early in the morning to avoid the nosy neighbours. Once again, only the renewed mind through Christ can stop that sinful lifestyle. Nothing like discipline anywhere o.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someone told me to take premarital sex out of the equation. How can I take that sin out when it is the foundation of adultery?

      Nikki_baton
      "Anything outside of Christ and it is just a matter of time before you meet your specs in the right place and time".

      I say this but most do not understand. If you do not have your mind renew it is just a matter of seconds before you fall face flat. Don't brag yet! Even Christians should never brag. Even Godly Christians have to continually have their minds renew else they end up like David who in a matter of seconds did the unthinkable with someone else's wife. But he felt guilty because of his walk with God prior to that incidence. He retraced his steps swiftly and he acted contrary to many men who cheat but do not feel guilt and continue because the fire of the holy spirit in them is dead.

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  15. You see men, a lot of them have a big problem with cheating.
    They do a lot of stupid things to cheat or sleep with a woman.

    Some guys, especially the married ones will do silly things to be with a lady he crushed on many years ago, a teenage love interest or even once dated but she refused to marry him. That's notwithstanding that this ladies know their wives and children, sometimes are even friendly towards them.
    They will buy cars, houses and even beg the lady to have a baby for them.

    They just want to conquer them. GO AND CONQUER YOUR LIBIDO FIRST!
    WHAT'S WRONG WITH SOME OF YOU MEN?!!! Arrrgh!!! πŸ˜–πŸ˜–πŸ˜–

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Add Ego and low self esteem to the list of issues men need to resolve.

      I like this discussion.

      Delete
  16. U see that perfect marriage described above? That was my marriage. So many people admired us. I am pretty with a good background and also very homely. Well my husband cheated from day one of marriage. I found out and kept forgiving him. I found out 4 years ago that he had 2 children with 2 different women. He begged and begged. I stayed but thing were never the same. As soon as my last child got into uni last year I moved out. In fact I relocated to Ibadan. He has been in shock and is begging. I don’t think he ever thought I would leave. He says I broke the family up. Can u imagine? Even after catching him he was still cheating. Anyway the good thing is that once I found out about the children I started saving and investing. Today I am very comfortable. But it’s sad. 22 years and 4 children. Anyway life goes on!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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    2. So sorry dear... thank God u were able to relocate.
      Be safe dear.

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    3. It's really sad but he's the one that broke up his family with over two decades of cheating. Now he is free, he should continue with his cheating.

      Ladies stop dating married men and having children for them even he gives you an island. It's not worth your soul.

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    4. πŸ˜£πŸ˜£πŸ˜£πŸ˜£πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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    5. Don't listen to him. He broke your marriage not you. You are a strong woman. His loss not yours.

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    6. Wow. You tried o. Cos most women won't leave. The perfect marriage, power couple imagine is more important to the average nigerian girl than dignity

      Delete
  17. Whatever you yield to controls you

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous 16:42 much respect for you, walahi. It seems you are happier and relieved including having higher self confidence/esteem about yourself and worth. Like your style, wella.

    ReplyDelete
  19. May God continue to bless you @16:07 πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This one don dey fear see where
      she come hide dey say thank you.
      I go help you carry am go up sharperly no worry u hear 🀣🀣🀣🀣

      Delete
  20. Lust, ego, and low self esteem are the major reasons married men cheat on their spouse.

    Sex is over-rated.

    "And to us men, reasons we cheat is beyond us. A man will have Miss world in all her package as a wife and will be peeping his house girl bathing in the dark. Now tell me what is he's going to see in the dark! Men have walked away from kingdoms, waved bye to political positions, damned family, forgot money, did not care about scandal just to sleep with a woman."

    Sin is a force acting on humans - men and women alike. It takes the power of God OR a good dose of bitter experiences to keep humans in check against sin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True! Your wife is a lucky woman.
      Now that you have told your fellow men the reason they cheat and they are hearing it coming from the mouth of a man like themselves maybe the few ones cheating will work on it like their fellow men who do not cheat.

      Delete

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