We all have our individual peculiarities, likes and what makes us tick, so it's difficult to really ascertain who truly loves us by using a few yardsticks to test that love.
I have heard of a few cases of those who tested their partners by claiming they are ill and the urgency with which she/he showed up was proof that they were loved.
Others have proved the love of their partners by buying them gifts that are way below their expectations and watching their reactions
Why will a partner expect the other to lower their expectations in order to prove a point?
If a woman who truly loves her man decides to surprise her man on his birthday with singlet and boxers, when she can afford to buy him better gifts in the name of testing his love, he deserves to be disappointed and no, it is no entitlement mentality.
A man who sees his woman always garbed in trendy and luxury wears, yet decides to purchase second hand clothes to test her love for him should have his gift out rightly rejected.
Love is not a lowering of standards, it should be being who you are and having no shame or qualms about it.
Another thing that may play out in this test of love is the mood of the person being tested. If the tested has had a bad day and is in no mood for a test, he/ she is likely to snap at the partner or appear irritable. It doesn't mean he/she loves her/him less, it's just not a good time.
This new trend of trying to find out the level of love one person has for the other is just plain foolishness and a waste of effort.
The sacrifices made in the relationship should be enough to know whether there is genuine love or not.
Tests do not count.
I dont Understand this writeup...
You say its OK for a woman who only adorns designer wears to reject second hand gifts to test her love but when a man is disappointed over gifts below his taste, he has entitlement mentality?
Let me go and read again because I've read twice and I don't really understand this write-up 🤔
ReplyDeleteShe meant to say it's not entitlement mentality. Nobody should test me with rubbish o. Cause I will disappoint you
ReplyDeleteTruth is that, love isn't measure by gifts. A man can spend heavily on you and still treat you as a sex object. The one who spend little could be all you will ever want in life. When it comes to true love, materialistic possession doesn't define its authenticity.
ReplyDeleteIf you must test people in order to ascertain their level of love commitment, then I am afraid that relationship is headed unto breakup. In relationship, you learn to accept each individual for no two persons are the same.
Thank you Teejay, for the first paragraph.
DeleteTesting a partner to ascertain the genuineness of the love professed lovie s not bad in itself, but there are factors that can tilt the result of such testing(s).
I can say this: it is a rule for God to arrange or permits certain experiences to check, to test, or to try our love for Him before certain blessings or promotions are granted.
Put another way: God must and will definitely test the believer's maturity to handle, appropriately, a divine blessing, especially a privileged position with grave consequences if abused or misused.
But testing a partner to prove his/her love is a slippery slope which may not end well.
Upon all the testing sef the person can pass and still mess up later. Looking at someone's behaviours and past patterns is a better way of predicting future behaviour I think
DeleteI think testing is a way of not trusting in God's plan for our lives. Also if u test each partner n they fail, how long until u are all alone with no other partners to choose from? Life is too short to complicate issues abeg. One guy got vexed cus I didnt give him money he asked for n my parents said maybe he is testing me. I went back to the guy and said oga if ur testing me then I'm also testing u to see ur reaction and if ur love is genuine or if u are just with me to collect n benefit urself. The guy was speechless. Another test I've heard is when a guy invites a lady over and his place is messy n if she doesn't clean she is dirty. Omo I will just take ubr back to my house and leave u to ur pigsty because another school of thought will say the guy does not regard you for making u see his dirt. Everyone with their own thoughts and mindset. Just do what works for you cus what worked for A may not work for B
DeleteI don't really understand this write-up. Please More explanation needed poster.
ReplyDeleteI hate to tested for whatever reason. Once you do it, we are through.
ReplyDeleteI lived in Uyo for 3 years and I noticed that most of them (no disrespect) believe in testing their partners, usually for faithfulness or trying to catch the person in a lie or something. Honestly, I find it really annoying, life is stressful enough without creating scenarios/events to test someone's reaction. I don't believe in testing anybody's love, be honest, truthful and give your best in your relationship, that should be enough.
ReplyDeletearchaic mentality
ReplyDeleteIs alright.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Dee, I always like your articles but today you fall my hand well well.
ReplyDeleteAny lady that rejects a gift because it is "below his standard" is nothing but
a greedy, selfish and vain woman. Such a lady is a porous moral liability and should
be jettisoned by any reasonable man. My goodness, it is A GIFT for goodness sake, you
did not pay for it. Receive it with thanks and kisses and ask questions later.🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
My apologies if my write up was below your expectations, but I'd like to explain my stance.
DeleteA gift is not really a gift if certain factors are not taken into consideration by the giver; preferences,likes and dislikes if she or he will be considered a caring and considerate partner.
Along with the heart behind the gift should be the value and relavance of the gift to the receiver.
You don't want to give a gift that will be thrown to a corner of the house and never used.
MRS DEE
@Mrs. Dee
DeleteWhether thrown to a corner or into the toilet isn't the concern of the giver.
It is more blessed to give than to receive. Receive the gift and focus on the giver
and not the gift. At least, you do not know at that moment why he gave you that and
if he has more to give. People are not as they seem. I know I have once given someone 40 USD
when all I had in my account was about 200 USD, so do the arithmetic. This person looking at
me will think that I had at least 100k USD at that moment. Please study the bible to find out
more about the character of Christ and write more sound things like you've done at some points
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
Testing is wrong. It's a toxic behavior. You may think you're testing your partner, but your partner is actually looking at you as someone who doesn't have sense judging from the actions you are making.. now who is fooling who.. you end up playing yourself..
ReplyDeleteFor example, the ones that want to test your anger.. imagine you doing something stupid and I'm trying to make you understand you did something stupid, but you insist it wasn't all in an attempt to provoke me to see my anger.. mehn I'll just stop stressing my explanation.. in my mind I don cancel you to be a dumb person weh no wise.. while you were there thinking you were testing me.. may we not learn our lessons the hard way..
Let things flow naturally and judge who your partner is from those stuffs.. the signs are always there.. don't become a toxic partner in an attempt to test someome.. life is already complicated.. no come make am more difficult for person pikin..
Blessings
I agree with you Dante
DeleteLet me remind you that some of same women will shamefully receive wrinkled old, pot-bellied men's
ReplyDeletep*nises just to get a cheque or credit alerts. Are those old men their standard in terms of morality?
If ladies should have standard in material things, why not standards of morality, at lease tenable morality?
This is way below double standards, it is gross decent to a dungeon of disgrace. 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
My belief is that a gift is a gift, no matter how small or big. So I accept all gifts with gratitude, no matter who give it to me.
ReplyDeleteI will only be disappointed if I ask my husband or brother to buy me a specific thing I know they can afford, but they decide to buy a lower stuff or something else without any good explanation.
But I also do not believe in testing people's love, not nice.
What about testing ur partner to know if they're faithful? Is that one acceptable.
ReplyDeleteI used to have a bf who always test my faithfulness.one day a last visited me in my office,she told me she was sent by a certain politician,who I worked with before he joined politics.when I was working with this man,he was asking me out but I refused cos I knew his babe,so he stopped and our friendship continued until he got a political post and left.so one day I was with this my bf and I saw the politician on newspaper,and I shouted his name.told my bf how I knew him and all.After a long time,this babe visited me and said the politician sent her to me,that he's in town and would like to see me,I asked her some questions and she answered perfectly. she gave me a number,that the politician said I should call him the next day by 6pm.she told me the hotel he would be staying.when she left I was so excited that the politician remembered me and want to give me some part of the national cake😂
I called my bestie and told her,she encouraged me to go.After every every,I found out that it was my bf that was setting me up to test me
Toxic.
DeleteDumb and toxic move from him.
If you're still with him, hope you made him understand how disappointed you are by such shallow and low stunt..
If he refuses to accept he was wrong.. you had better reconsider him being your Boi