Stella Dimoko Chronicles Of A Married Man - 19


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Sunday, April 04, 2021

Chronicles Of A Married Man - 19

If only married women could hear what their husbands say about them when they hang out with their fellow men. 

Maybe it will help if they have such “insider” information as it would make a world of difference in their marriages. The kind of secrets of about our friends’ marriages we have to keep, that even their wives don’t know.

During hangouts or idle times in waiting rooms, tea shacks and coffee rooms; transit parks, heli-lounge and airports; and the notorious drinking palours or night clubs; lots of information are passed out. It’s an opportunity for men to vent, rant and get lots of stuffs off their chests. Sometimes it could be therapeutic and the kind of advice they give there can be mind-boggling. Some men don’t bother visiting marriage counselors and pastors because they get all sorts of advice about how to run their families over a bottle of beer.

Sometime ago during one sit-out while we were waiting for chopper to take us to a remote location. One nice looking hunk of a man started talking during our conversation. “My wife has been quarreling with me for the past two months. She doesn’t even cook for me. I just get home, drop expense money for her and off I go”, he muttered.

Someone sitting close by said “why won’t the quarrel last for two months when you are giving her ammunition to fight?”. The man looking surprised asked “what do you mean by that?”. “You still feed and take care of her, that’s why she still has power fighting with you na. How can you give money to someone who is quarreling with and can’t even cook for you?”, he responded. I could see the guy’s face lighten up. You can only imagine the dimension the quarrel will take when the guy returns home.

I remember some years ago when I told my friends during a hang then in Warri that I “lick plate”. The way they dragged me that day was not for the faint-hearted. They even called me “woman-wrapper”.  If i was not a strong willed person, they would have damaged my sex life and even my ego. Years later I met two of them and one is now priding himself as “Mr. 40 minutes”, on how he can now give “head” for 40 minutes!

So, another of such parliament held two weeks ago and of course, we talked about family. Mr. X (not his real name) started it all. He wasn’t looking so happy and we had to ask. “Oboy wetin dey do you? if beer and jolly nor fit make you happy. What’s the problem?”

“It’s my wife”, he started. “That woman is nagging the life out of me. Anything I do now is talk. I can’t even have 5 minutes of peace at home again. I may have messed up before, una know the matter na! But I have moved away from that but she won’t. How long will I keep running away from home because of talk?”, 
 I felt sorry for him.

Then the flood gate burst open. “Where do we get these types of women from these days, if this is how difficult marriages were, how were our parents able to marry and happily live with three or more wives? you can imagine my wife telling me we are in a partnership even when I pay fees, rent and do 100% of the home running expenses. Partnership kill you there, I told her; I even told her she is welcome to pack out if she can’t follow the program. She won’t be the first, after all divorce is a common thing now”. That was Baba K ranting. Speaking like a typical Urhobo man.

Our former “manchelor” who just got married last month added his bit, “my wife was telling me she will go back to her parents’ house when I go back offshore pending when I come back. I told her if she tries it, she should not bother coming back. She is married now, make her husband house contain her!”

We continued the banters amidst rounds of alcohol but alas, the best advice for Mr. X on that night was given by the oldest amongst us in age and in marriage; Oloye as we usually call him. 

“Mr. X ooo!”, he began, of course his eyes were already “dirty”. “Give that woman a job and a baby! Her naggings are mainly due to idleness. This is not peculiar to only you and your wife. Your marriage is just three years and you are already crying. You kept a grown-ass woman at home doing nothing and you are giving her money thinking that money will make her happy, no na! It doesn’t work that way”.

He continued “I know babies are from God, but which baby will want to come to a home where there is no happiness? When you can’t even fuck with a happy mind but just because you want a baby. Get her a job, or something to keep her busy, the naggings will stop. And one last thing, stop running away from home, you need to keep talking with her. Nagging nor dey kill person”, he concluded.

Listening to Oloye, all I could do was smile. It reminded me of my wife. Does she even have the energy to be nagging now? She used to be a drama queen. She values her peace now. She will always say now “stress yourself and die, na your loss”

At the end of the day, “meeting” closed and everyone went home to manage their “problems”. We will be fine las las.

Let me that People go into marriages these days with a confrontational and “war” mindset. When I read and hear single ladies and guys talk about marriages especially online, my first thought will be “marry first na…you go know”.

Some of you need to be calming down. There is nothing you will do that has not be done before. Elizabeth Taylor got married eight times to seven men, Steven Seagal has married four women already!

When we tell people to try and make their marriage work, it’s not saying that they should endure unfavourable conditions unnecessarily. It’s just that the cause of most heartaches and quarrels in marriages today are things and issues we can easily ignore and make peace about. Whether you decide to keep your home or not is entirely up to you.

Next week,I will touch on a very Important topic, E go shock una!

Till then, e go be!



  1. Sometimes you can do all you can to make your marriage work. If the other party is not putting in effort as well, then it can amount to nothing.

    1. Lol.

      Oga you see that your high horse, when you are tired, you will crawl down.

      Women are AWAKE now!

      Keep discussing o. Who cares?

      No woman nags without a reason. You are all gaslighters. Tick her off and expect her not to speak?

      For ages y'all made women to be fighting and hating on themselves because of you people. We say NO MORE

      Make una dey una dey make we dey our dey!

      You are the ones that can't breathe without pussy. Yet you maltreat us? E don cast...

      Thank God for 21st century

  2. Some men comfortably discuss there marital ups and down outside but once he notices her wife revealed a tiny bit of his flaws to her harem of friends he starts fuming with anger, blotting out words upon words as to how u are exposing him and bringing in 3rd sha it's well,Men who are doing this needs to tone it down bcoz u might get a bad advice which will lead to problems,Women too should do same.nice piece bro.

  3. Well written! The same way women sit and discuss marital They also receive variety of advice/opinions. A word for you men though: 'mess up' cannot always be swept under the rug or forgotten about. There is 'mess up' and there is 'mess up'. If you 'mess up' the mega one that breaks trust..sorry madam cannot just let it go. Part of your consequence which you will have to bear is enduring her nagging and her constant reference to that 'mess up'. You will have to work hard to earn trust back. In short if you want peace in your marriage don't 'Mess up"!
    Marriage no easy..even at 17years..I still dey learn.

    1. Abiooooh, they want it forgotten like it never happened, we are not jesus christ that forgets, am catching cruise on this post πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

  4. He is right most issues in marriage can be ignored except domestic violence and infidelity. If your husband beats you, it's a matter of time before that marriage crumbles. If your husband cheats on you more than once, he will never stop. And that one too is a matter of time before he gets someone else pregnant or brings home STD

    1. How about if your wife cheats on you more than once like most of you are doing at the moment? I have it on good authority that a female bv here well known to all of you is currently cheating on her husband, soon, I will reveal her identity if she doesn’t stop, shameless woman, quoting bible verses every time, advising her fellow cheaters, what do you have to say about that?

    2. Why not substitute the 'husband' there with 'partner'..
      You're demonizing men, making us the villian and predator, while women are the victims.. wives beat husbands too, wives also cheat

    3. 14:51 say what now? Pls who o?pray tell.

  5. Please change your circle.

    1. I Dey tell u guy, only Oloye make sense for that group. That was how my friends almost destroyed my marriage , if I was the kind of guy who listens to I’ll advices I would have started maltreating or doing bad stuff to my wife just to feed my ego instead of letting peace reign , not knowing that these guys were beefing and their marriages was hell until the day I went to ones house unannounced because he wasn’t picking calls and an impromptu contract running into mouth dropping millions came up for him and I ddnt want him to loose it, what I saw and head with my ears ... lol , fear human being

    2. Truly men can be petty, deliberately sabotage you, be jealous and mean

      Forget , rarely are those advice given with good intentions

      Useless Mike Tyson in beer parlour, chicken in realiry

    3. Anon 14.25, well said.

      I know someone who almost broke his friend's marriage, acting tough and no nonsense, always dishing out advise.

      Thank God the friend was wise enough to hold on to his marriage. When Mr Advicer and no nonsense got married, he got rid of all his friends to their shock and he is doing everything to keep his home.

  6. Poster, I’ve picked up some good lessons here. Thank you. But let me ask: it seems, from your write ups, that once men have money, the next thing is to cheat. Why is it so common and how can it be prevented?

    1. Because they are mostly insecure and low in thinking /creativity about what "enjoyment" really is

  7. Most men are immature to marriage issues. Why will you carry your private issues to your so called friends? Can't you find a way and settle indoors without a third party.
    The kind of friends you keep matters and worse is that adage "birds of a feather" what will you expect when they reason alike? Nothing short of disaster.
    Unfortunately some men are d**k possessing sissy that's why they can't marry for long.

    1. "Most men are immature to marriage issues. Why will you carry your private issues to your so called friends? Can't you find a way and settle indoors without a third party"


    2. It goes both ways anon 14:03

      Thing is people give advice a lot, mostly unsolicited! You need wisdom to sift out the good or ignore entirely.

  8. Marriage is hardwork and commitment. One key ingredient is communication. Once that is missing, it's never a smooth sail

  9. I have been following this your story "married man"
    Some of the things you wrote in the past are good experiences
    to learn from. However,
    I find the mixture of friends you have very disgusting.
    Of course, you inclusive in this mixture. You began with
    being in Christ and at the moment, you all go on a drunken
    banter and talk about how you wives' vaginas look and how you
    "lick plates" in the pub? What a huge disgrace.
    What a huge backsliding from you and your ilk. What will blow up
    your home to smithereens are these clique of friends and your egos.

    1. Calm down small na.
      Some of us do learn a thing or two from his write ups

  10. So if a man brings 100% of the home expenses, it’s no longer a partnership?
    So if there is quarrel in a home the best advice is to stop giving her money. Na wa sha.
    It’s sad knowing there is nothing to look up too, when looking at the head of the house. Men now don’t know their roles. They bring everything down to money; drop money and it’s fine.
    Forget that now women work, for a number of reasons. But if we leave that for a second, marriage is still a partnership, even if only one person provides. Women play a role in a functional family. Regarding her a less simply because you pay everything is a warped mindset.
    Truly, there are a few good men.

    1. again this girl with your shallow arguments..

      "Argument is supposed to be an exchange of information between one person and another., but To a woman, an argument is a battleground for pushing an agenda"

      Guys, know the above and know Peace πŸ‘†

      Moving on,...

      A marriage can never be said to be a partnership from the get go, a marriage especially in this part of the world where a man pays Bride price, provide bogus list and other make other expenses just to marry a lady.. do you know that the white wedding we copy here in Africa, it's actually the wives family that host and sponsors it abroad, it's the reason in a wedding invitation, the brides name comes before that of the groom.. but una go copy only the part weh favour una, drop other important part.. same way una dey do with other copied things from abroad. If a lady abroad claims that marriage is partnership, I might not argue much about it, but definitely not here in Africa, it was never intended to be a partnership.. it can never be a partnership, until this Bride price and list stop, and the man bankrolling your life from dating stage to marriage stop too, until you stop demanding for transportation fare when you go and see a guy, which of course you ladies don't want to discuss because you want to live the baby girl life, relass and be taken careof, the princess mentality.. laziness and stingy too.. my money is my money and his money is our money..

      No talk this partnership talk again make i no give you flying nodding oh

    2. @ Dante. Doesn’t matter what an inherently misogynistic culture made marriage out to be. Marriage is a partnership.
      Did it ever occur to you that culture you stated is currently being championed and maintained by the men? Who else are the ‘custodians’ of our culture and customs? Talking as though any part of that ‘list’ is much to the favour of the girl. In case you don’t know, it’s mainly the men, umunna and co that partake in that list, with the girls mother getting a tiny bit. All to enforce the fact that a woman is property, to be bought at a price and subdued. What’s the difference between an western woman and an African woman if both are housewives, that you are willing to accept the westerner is in a partnership not the African? No matter how big or small a wedding is, it doesn’t change the roles and responsibilities in the actual marriage.
      But you are just an ignorant twat with a bloated sense of self looking for who to get violent with.

    3. Lol..
      I know you'll come and spits trash as usual.
      Now let me ask you a question, like you said, it's men that's championing that cause right? Though I disagree with that submission cos I also know we have the umuada's too.. I have been to weddings, both yoruba and Ibos and I see how these list are share amongst the women too.. rushing and fighting shamelessly.
      However my question is this, 1. 1. what has stopped you 'feminist' from fighting and clamoring it's for its end? If it's to fight for low moral lifestyle, and to cause unnecessary trouble, that's where they'll see you girls.. see important thing here that's affecting you, you refused to face it, is that not misplaced priorities?

      I put it to you that you ladies like the arrangements cos it lift off responsibilities from you girls for the men to handle.. if not we for no hear word since.. you people are quiet about it cos it favour you girls.. so also be quiet about its consequences which makes you a wife, an helper and not a partner. If you want to be a partnership, then take up the responsibility of one.. it is earned and not given.

      Women only say “men and women are equal” in regard to something in which men are objectively superior, never in an aspect in which women are regarded superior.

    4. You are the one that spits trash, though you have no one to inform you, the proverbial naked king.
      You are yet to point out how bride price and list ‘benefits women’, particularly the woman in the marriage. Try explain that, don’t worry, I’ll wait.
      Don’t know the kind of women you know, but in no way does marriage rites detract from how a home should be run. Look up the word ‘partnership’ then see how all your write up has been crap.
      There is no equality discussion here...yet. A partnership is an arrangement where 2 or more people get together to ‘contribute to’ a cause and ‘share’ in its rewards. Saying there is no partnership in marriage, even in Africa, is saying there is no reason for a woman to exist in a marriage, in which case I will say to you men - why bother?
      Stop limping with 2 feet and stop grasping at straws! Try holding a train of thought for a moment focused on if and why marriage is a partnership. You will see marriage rites isn’t a determining factor. After all, in India, women pay the dowry, are the women any less oppressed?

    5. "A partnership is a formal arrangement by two or more parties to manage and operate a business and share its profits. There are several types of partnership arrangements. In particular, in a partnership business, all partners share LIABILITIES and profits EQUALLY",...

      You think you're smart.. you defined yours without adding the important part which is sharing of LIABILITIES and profit EQUALLY. Emphasis on sharing of LIABILITIES EQUALLY. Equally, not one person doing more than another. Na only profit you won share.. oleπŸ˜„

      Are you really asking me how the woman benefits from the payment of Bride price.. are you really this dumb or you're pretending to be? When something is given to your family, isn't that you profiting from it. So I pay 1million naira as Bride price.. the money is used to train your younger brother in university, is it my gain or yours? Better put, is it my family gain or yours? Same goes to the bogus list there.. buying everything in the world for her family, hope you know the list also contains certain things you must buy for the wife bah? In Some places like nnewi and some part of cross river state, you'll also be asked to buy a motorcycle for the bride.. come and ask me that nonsense question again of how the lady benefits from it you ungrateful specie.. let me widen the scope, apart from these tangible things, the payment of Bride price and list also makes the lady feel she's special, it makes her feel she's worth alot, I mean, a guy going out of his way to do all those just to marry her.. now are telling me something that makes you feel this great isn't profitable to you?

      Honestly nah all this weak men I blame, I don't blame you at all, the concept behind the payment of Bride price was cos the the Brides were virgin maidens, no be all these heloshos weh full everywhere now.. these should have stopped since or made sure only virgins enjoy these privileges, but men who wanted to be nice so as not to make you non virgin girls feel shame decided that we should just do it for all ladies.. just see how you girls are abusing the privilege now.. something that is only done to cover your shame, make una no feel worthless as non virgins..


    6. Double tueh to you Dante. You either are daft or want to pretend that you do not know that ladies also contribute financially to the marriage rites. We support our men with our finances, sometimes more than his share as so few of you are rich these days. Its done not out of desperation to be called a wife but because we love them & believe our tomorrow will be better based on our assessment of individual potential.
      Take a poll anywhere and see if women don't carry a lion share in running the home expenses too.
      Most men these days are leeches!

    7. Lol....long winded trash.
      - I stand by my definition. Any educated person knows sharing in rewards encompasses risks as well. I mustn’t write it out in ‘stupid’ for people like you to understand.
      - know this, everything on that list is shared mainly by scrawny men like you. Men who didn’t have a say in raising the child come to benefit in the loot. You think the bride’s father takes all, or most? You know NOTHING.
      - the practice varies greatly, I must say. In my place, men and women stepped up to greatly regulate and standardize the list, that is one big step towards complete removal. However, as it is one of the age-long customs, people are less keen on that, to ‘preserve’ our customs.
      - in case you don’t know, after the wedding, comes the marriage. There is no reference to how a man or woman’s worth was determined by value of bride price paid, what matters is how they are handling the home-front. All that money paid, was to satisfy requirements of customs put in place, LARGELY by MEN. Your fathers have eaten sour grapes, and you are on SDK gnashing your teeth πŸ˜‚
      I know your abject poverty may have made it difficult for you to even permit yourself to think of marriage, sorry ehn! Give way, let people who have found their feet get married in peace. Also feel free to start a movement against the custom of the bride price, as you are sorely affected. Nothing wrong with men kicking against that custom, it’s even better, as you misogynists listen better to yourselves.
      Until then, fight from now till tomorrow, marriage, for all intents and purposes, remains a partnership. Whether from the traditional or contemporary perspective, men and women play different relevant roles in a functional marriage. (How a human will argue this simple age-long truth beats my imagination...but it’s Dante).

    8. Non virgins disvirgined by who? Cucumbers or dildos???
      Dante you are bereft the of common sense. Your own is to always type long epistle of noncohesive crap.

      So a man disvirgins a woman in a relationship and somehow her worth as a person degenerates and she now has "shame to be covered" while the man in question still has his dignity intact.?
      You constantly bash and call your fellow men weak because they have moved past this your rubbish archaic mindset and it pains you so much that the foolish few still stuck with this your mindset have become endangered species, so it makes you mad. Reason while your comments are always on the offensive.

      I pray God heals you of whatever brought such affliction on you. Hopefully one day true love would find its way into your heart and thaw that archaic frozen heart. Just then you would have a glimpse of what your fellow men have been enjoying.

    9. Stella I have posted a comment twice, don’t know why it’s not up.
      Anyway, it’s not worth me retyping.
      Marriage remains a partnership, let the wailers wail πŸ₯³

    10. Continue crying..
      When you marry, allow oga to do all I talked about and then go ahead to tell him you're in a partnership.. since you like problems..

      As for you madam ps5.. you have never made sense before.. but you like to talk..
      Why can't she marry the guy that deflowered her.. why make i spend so much money ontop babe weh all the small boys for her street don use count scores? Babe weh the world don see her nΓ kΓ©dness for free the nipples and silhouette challenge?

      If you had sense you'll know it's that so stupid.. and a guy isn't supposed to pay anything to marry such girls.. them just suppose meet themselves, decide and agree to marry without the man spending such monies as that would mean the girl eating her cake and having it back.

      Na weak men cause am sha.. I'll keep blaming them cos if not for them, you ladies would not even fathom that you can do this shii and get away with it in the first place

    11. Oh boy, you are the one crying ooo, with snot and phlegm running down your face. Me, I am happily in a MARRIAGE/PARTNERSHIP with a man who you can never measure up to.

    12. Lol..
      Just like your friend madam ps5..
      Your comments shows how happily married you are..
      I really don't like to drag anyone's husband into my discussion, but since you brought him in by telling me I can never measure up to him, then I should let you know, if indeed you do are this disrespectful and dumb as you portray here, it's obvious you married a weak man.. good you choose a puppet.

    13. Odiegwu, say anything you want to make you happyπŸ˜ƒ. Respect begets respect! You are the insanely disrespectful one, and I set out to teach you you have no monopoly in having a caustic tongue. Check out my comments here, when I make them, I am not disrespectful neither am I troublesome. Can same be said of you? Impossible. Take your gospel of ‘women are manipulative and oppressive’ elsewhere, where your fellow losers converge!

    14. You people shouldn't even bother with this danta of a guy, it's like arguing with an illiterate.

      Someone who isn't yet married yet has so much to contribute, let him get married first.

    15. Mystic,I love you!!!!!!

  11. Women do these "meetings" too,
    the only difference is that unlike men who give each other good advice, women give themselves bad advice., reason probably cos being logical is not their thing, their emotions control almost every aspect of their thinking..

    Case study- SDK blogπŸ˜’πŸ˜’

    Happy Easter Fam..

  12. Marriage is not easy o, sometimes I will tell my husband say I wan japa, but in my mind, we die here. So he try not to do d mega mess-up o, cos my drama no be for here.

  13. If your husband plays draft. Bet naija. Football addict, hangsout alot with friends. My sister. Forget it. Your nagging will only give you hbp. They will always discuss your matter and solutions on how to handle you will be offered to him. Men take their fellow men advice serious.

    1. Naivety is believing that all men have sense so all their advice should be taken seriously

  14. I left my husband just some weeks to our ten years anniversary. Marriage with him became so toxic and boring and I just couldn't take it anymore. I praise people who endure but I just couldn't anymore.
    He nags endlessly and reported me to a lot of people, calling me lazy, dirty, unmotivated,blablablaa.
    I have always wanted to do business but the money wasn't forth coming,I stopped teaching years back cos he wanted me to now he calls me lazy.
    I relocated from his city and started a small job, now he wants me to leave my job and come back, but I love the peace I have now.
    If you can hang in, if not, move on abeg.

    1. You make it sound like taking the decision to leave was a walk in the park. After 10 years??? Did you not have children? You people should not come and be painting picture to deceive others here biko. If you indeed left after 10 years then there is more to the story than the way you glossed over it cause what you said there should not be a basis to leave a marriage of 10 years. And if you are not ready to tell the true story then no need to throw it out. So many people are easily influenced by what they see or hear from others.

    2. Anon 21:04, you talk like you walked in my shoes. I am not glossing over anything and I said my truth.
      Yeah no kids yet and I am over forty. Mother in law won't let me be and I just can't bear the pressures of my marriage. Not here to influence any one with my story and not ready to say more about it. So, pls spare me the sermon

    3. 23.14..
      You should have included these informations while talking about just leaving earlier. They're necessary informations. You made it seem like leaving a 10 years marriage isn't shii and you were leaving cos of nagging.. Haba nah.. but now that you said there was no issue from the union and it's the cause of the problems, at least you'll be understood better and other shallow ladies who are easily influenced won't be misled to leaving their marriage because of little altercation.

      I'm sorry about what you went through tho..

  15. I enjoy reading your post, because it gives me new insights into the mindset of the malefolks.

    I might not agree with all your views and outlook but I respect your opinion.

    Well done sir.
    Don't allow the bashing you receive here deter you from sharing your story and experience.

    Happy Easter All.

  16. Marriage is an institution


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