Stella Dimoko Chronicle Of A Married Man - 27


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Sunday, May 30, 2021

Chronicle Of A Married Man - 27

 “Why do couples divorce after spending some many years together? Why dont they weather the storm till death do them part? Why sacrifice so much only to give up and throw in the towel at the end of the day?''

A couple of weeks ago, news broke out that Bill Gates was divorcing his wife of 27years. It was the trendy topic for more than a week. Everyone had a thing or two to say about it. Two months earlier, I watched a snippet of her interview on Fox news. And all I could think was, how on earth did this pretty woman end up with the him.

Please don’t get me wrong, Mr. Gates is a good “catch”

When it comes to issues like this, opinions abound. There was the team “money cannot buy happiness”. Listening to them and reading some of their write-ups, I just prayed for them. May they not enter into a marriage of poverty. Then they will realize that poverty doesn’t guarantee happiness either.

Then, there’s the team “he cheated on her”. This category, no matter what, will always turn every marital discourse into a gender war. The man will always be at fault. There were numerous spin-offs to the cheating story. And it goes on and on.

There were other categories with too numerous to cover in this piece. Notable mentions will be the conspiracy theorist cum vaccine apologists and the Jeffery Epstein angle. But let’s move on.

Fortunately, or rather unfortunately, my parents separated after 43years of marriage! 

At the height of the separation process, I was in the middle of it. I financed the whole process of making sure that they both stayed apart. Family and friends who saw what was happening all contacted me. That I should prevail on my parents to come back together. They knew I had such influence on my parents that if I talk to them, they will be back together. I bluntly refused. I will rather have two separated parent who are alive and happy than lose one for the sake of keeping a marriage or saving face.

Before they separated, my mom was already a severe BP patient with the acute case where blood pumps out of her nose during the BP attack. There was never peace in the house for more than one week. I will always get calls when they start their dramas. Both of them had ego problems. How they managed to stay together for 43years is a story I will share some other time. But it’s that classic case of how our parents married in the 70s to the 90s. But now woke culture ti take over!

So, the question for this week is: “Why do couples divorce after spending some many years together? Why dont they weather the storm till death do them part? Why sacrifice so much only to give up and throw in the towel at the end of the day?''

To answer the question, I would rather look at the reasons why people get married in the first place. Understanding this, will give us an idea of why they end up divorcing after putting some much into it. I would want to think that if the reason why I got married in the first is not been achieved, would it not make sense for me to quit with my sanity intact and go find happiness in other places?

For want of writing space, I will only look at only three:

First, for companionship and other “add on” that comes with being married. Psychologically and physiologically, we are not wired to be alone. The scourge of been alone is what has driven many people into marriages today. In my single days, being in town and alone in my two bed-room apartment on a weekend was nothing short of a nightmare for me. Ironically, people start drifting apart after many years of staying in marriage. Lots of married people today “feel alone” for one reason or the other. This is the most singular leading cause of divorce today. Sometimes I’m sitting with my wife and I’m pressing my phone for so long…na so drifting take dey start.

Secondly, people get married because the feel it’s the right thing to do or because it’s what is expected of them to do. 80% of people leaving the NYSC today will tell you the next plan is to get a job and next get married. But the sad reality is that not everyone is meant for marriage. Lots of people today don’t even have the mental and emotional capacity of taking care of themselves talk less of a partner and children. And another sad fallout of the woke culture today is that, men are no longer committed to keeping long term relationships these days. Then you also have the women who are not ready to “chop shit” from any man in the name of marriage. So, the divorces keep piling up.

Lastly, for poverty alleviation. Funny abi?. Yea, it’s true. In this part of the world, marriage has been used to bridge the poverty gap by lots of people. Poor girls want to marry rich guys; the average guy wants to marry a woman that will support his hustle. This has led to lots of disjointed marriages these days. And sure, they won’t last the test of time.

There are many other countless reasons why people get married which also have the own seed of divorce sown in it. It is just what it is.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying these are wrong reasons to get married. My point is that when the reasons for which you got married are no longer there.

 Divorce will naturally happen.

In conclusion, personally thinking about this Gates’ divorce “ish”, I concluded that they just grew apart. They have kept appearances for so long and they just decided to go find their own happiness. Las las mama will get her robust divorce settlement and probably become the world’s richest woman; and end up marrying a high school teacher. Who said life is balanced?

In other news, another marriage is loading…and story go follow.

Next week things.



  1. Well done I enjoyed this piece. Folks should really understand what they want, strive to get a reasonable amount before settling.

  2. A guy I met on this blog told me I wasn't psychologically stable. Maybe he meant for marriage because he was all about looking for a marriage partner.
    Lol, how do you expect me to be psychologically stable working a 60k monthly job, squatting in a room and side hustle that wasn't yielding much. Not like I have one sugar daddy or someone sponsoring me o. I work hard for all my needs with no support from anyone, all I was asking for him to be patient, let me settle my finances.

    Long story cut short, we don't talk to each other anymore. I was almost having a nervous breakdown because of man matter.
    I have decided to keep hustling and making money until the right man comes along. I must have a comfortable paying job or a successful business before saying yes to anybody. I would never be a liability in my marriage. I have realize having my money keeps me sane.

    I no dey rush to marry. I want happily ever after. I don't want to divorce anyone. I pray everyday for the right partner. A man who firmly believes in the institution of marriage and is willing to go the long way with me..
    The right man that understands my dreams, struggles, aspirations and is willing to be supportive will come. I go wait for am.

    Until then, single and flexing with joy....

    1. I love you already, what a grate mindset, I pray you meet a good guy that will appreciate a good babe like you. I'm rooting for you

  3. I agree with your write up to a large extent.
    I will say divorce is on the rise because men and women no longer care to work on their marriage. I dare say there isn’t any situation whereby BOTH parties sincerely work on their relationship and still end up divorced. It’s always one putting in more work than the other.
    When we talk of marriages of old, they lasted so long because they worked on it, but most times the work put in was heavily skewed to the detriment of one party.
    What does ‘work’ entail? A potpourri of different intangible things which include compromise, patience, resolve, respect, forgiveness... feel free to add on.
    I doubt there is a long lasting marriage that was jolly 24/7. There will be wrinkles, reality checks, stumbling blocks, etc. But if BOTH agree and are willing to make those changes necessary for the union to continue, it will work. I am against placing this burden on one person, which is what most marriages of old had to deal with. This responsibility should be for both parties.

  4. My believe is when love,
    commitment, piece of mind and other things that made you guys fall in love is no longer served,it's better to leave. I am not one to stay in an unhappy marriage and be battling high bp and all. A friend's parents just separated after 3 decades plus together cause the woman is tired and has had enough.

  5. You made some sense today, even in the midst of the nonsense happening.
    I will always tell you when you write sense and when you don't.
    The main reason God created marriage is for companionship based on Love;
    God's unconditional kind of Love.
    When marriage is based on any other thing, just like you listed above, it
    is headed for the gutters. it is bound to crash. And the victims? Yes, the real
    victims are the kids where there is any.
    These days, Greed is the main reason for a lot of ladies. They want to live the
    vanity lives they see on social media. So once they enter the marriage, they are
    on a grabbing and spending spree. They can marry anything they perceive to have money.
    The Love of money is the root of all evil. So in this case, love is devoted to money
    and it is impossible to have love for God or the spouse they tell "I love you"

    1. @**** there is no fear of God in both men and women.

      The GREED goes both ways.
      How do you explain a man that asked a woman to lend him N5m after meeting by chance, a few telephone conversations?
      Or another man who kept borrowing millions from his fiancée ?

    2. @20:14
      Thanks for pointing out the obvious; greed and indeed all vices have no gender.
      You are right. However, ladies make the greater number on this blog; that's a fact.
      As for the man whose job is borrowing from women and fiancées, that is bad news.
      Ladies should be able to understand what Love is. And to do that, one needs to first understand
      and receive God's Love, the person who died for you and I. 1 Cor. 13:5 Love does not seek his own, is not selfish.

  6. Let me also add that both man and woman in the marriage must work together and always ask each other areas they can improve upon.
    After 42years of marriage, I realised I have been choking my wife with my excessive demands at her detriment. I woke up from slumber and realised how much efforts I must put to compliments her sacrifices and love.
    I will give you examples :
    1. Before now, I won't eat or cool for myself when she travels for a few days, why, did my hand break? I even rejects the house helps foods and wind/grumble until she grudgingly cuts short her trips to come back.
    2. Before now, I fail to realise we're both aging and I have to care, love and protect her until our older kids told us "God forbid they have a copy of slave-marriage their parents heard". This generation seffff.
    3. My wife who is a professional like me too said I never encouraged her career or dream had it not been that she insist.

    In summary, it takes 2 to make a marriage work. Let us appreciate each other.

    Please pray for me, that she changes her mind because I will not sign the divorce paper she served me and our kids think their mum has had enough. These out kids are not too emotional and sentimental anymore.

    Parenting too is changing.

    She's living the good life of independency and looking finer in her pictures abroad for omugwo.
    Honey, please forgive me, come back home or I will join you there soon and I promise our communication will be better. I can't loose an Angel. I too has been a good husband to you without knowing the loops I made over the years. Let's patch it.

    1. May God grant your prayers senior man. Reading your post brought back memories of my parents who were like cat and dog for decades till he died.

      People please work hard on your marriage and add prayers. Divorce is never the best option with exceptions.

    2. May God heal your marriage.

    3. Daddy. Please take the next available flight and go and properly apologies to her and the kids. Don't stay abroad too long. She will come home soon and when she does help her with everything.

      I recall a trip I had to UK sometime back. I saw a full grown man cleaning the house and washing plates when he got back from work. They have 4 kids. 2 medical doctors, one IT engineer and one still in school. I was shocked oh. Very successful couple.

      When I got back I told my husband. He said God forbid. Hahahahahahahaha. I am not complaining though cause I don't really do anything at home however I imagine a situation that I do stuffs at home everyday and I see the kind of stuff I saw on that trip what would have happened to my marriage. Lol.

      Marriage is about two people that have got similar values coming together to make a union. Also we should learn to learn and unlearn when the needs arises and apply knowledge from what is working with other people's marriage in our marriage.

      Daddy like I said please apologise not your wife and even your kids. Call all your family members to help you beg. Don't be shy oh.

  7. I see a man who is scared of ageing alone. 42yrs is not 42 days. How can you be this cruel? You have eaten your cake and now you want to have it back? Now that you see that you are no longer the hot Cake in town, you are now wanting her to accept you back. Wow. I hope Nigerian men learn from this your story. Hopefully she forgives but one thing is certain that God let us pay for our sins one way or the other. I personally know that you will suffer small before things finally looks better. Nigerian men know that the women are stronger and yet they will be doing anyhow. I don’t think you are sorry o. I think you are scared of being old alone period.

    1. 17:29 your comment is very insightful. 👌👌👌

      However, God does not let us pay for our sins. Jesus already did.
      I think you meant is the consequences/ after-effects of sins just like a wound leaves a scar.

  8. @Grandpa you think you can be sunnyBobo forever, when you were maltreatment your wife you never imagine that one day old age must show face.
    I tell younger me to always treat their good wives well, side chick's or those ones you flirting with will not take care of you in sickness or old age

  9. Divorce has never solved any marital problem...the very you want to leave your marriage is the same thing you saw before marriage but thought you could overcome.....

  10. If divorce will bring the necessary and needed peace of mind, please do. Staying in a loveless and toxic marriage is never advisable especially for ones mental health, selflove first.


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