Dr Freaks Journal - "A Close Shave With Polygamy"

This is a very sensitive topic,..... no doubt, but

It is a sensitive topic but be rest assured that it is a mere work of art (fiction), so  take a seat and come with me on this jolly ride. It promises to be a smooth one, trust me!

Prefatory Remarks:


I come from a lineage that prides itself on the ability and prowess to court and marry as many beautiful women as possible. Paternal grandfather had five (5). Maternal grandfather had more. However, father broke the chain (or did I hear you whisper "he was a slacker") by marrying only one?

 He couldn't have done otherwise anyway. Mum was completely in charge! 

Mech, don't judge me yet, this is a work of art!

Please note that I'm not eminently qualified to talk about anyone else here.


Early in life, I made up my mind to toe the line of my father for personal reasons, and nothing has changed (so help me God. ) but worthy of note is the fact that I did not get to that state overnight. Some events further sharpened my life and strengthened my firm resolution. I draw inspiration from those events. I do not seek to judge anyone here. I only speak for myself.

 Practice whatever works for you!


Rewind to 1993:


I was in my 200 level at the time. My girlfriend had invited me to her birthday party and why shouldn't I have graced the occasion? Interestingly, I had no inkling of what may lie ahead of me at that memorable event until the D-Day.

 The subject was indeed my first and "only" love at the time but like most young lads of my generation, there was no harm in testing the waters and/or trying a different delicacy (for a change, innit?). After all, variety is the spice of life.

 I was not in luck this time around!

 I attended the party in the company of my own buddy -Resco (now Pastor K) and everything seemed okay until my first "side chic" showed up, then "side chic two" showed up!


For once, I envied my Grandpas and wished I could transmute into one or both of them simultaneously. Unfortunately, Professor Pellar the magician was in faraway Ibadan and none of my Grandpas cared enough to write "handouts" before their exit from this side of the divide! They went to their lonely graves with all the priceless knowledge of how to handle several women at the same time. What a waste!

Each of the three wanted to have her own share of that little me. I forgot to state that two of them were cousins; whilst the three were friends, unknown to me!

 One was more "sophisticated" at the time and she knew that we were not really having anything serious so she demonstrated the highest form of decorum and understanding. The no 1 was calm but resolute still. The no 2 who happened to be a cousin to no 1 happened to be the drama queen who insisted that I must grab a seat and sit next to her. Omo! It was a scene to behold. 

My main chic had to take a stance at some point, she took me to a corner and asked me to choose today "whom I will serve" and behold, I had no difficulty in choosing her over and above everyone else. The no 2 insulted my parents, threw tantrums and stopped talking to me till today. I later sneaked to visit that no 3 on few occasions.

 She has been married to an Italian for over 25 years now. We lost contact 27 years ago.

The amazing part of it all is that we never engaged in any form of amorous activities throughout this period. Being called somebody's girlfriend or boyfriend was just enough. Well, things have changed now.


2002:


This time around, I was in 300 Level (Law) and I had a girlfriend. I was faithful. I can hold no brief for my then partner now. My lifetime buddy -Rotellar (Alaşa) observed that each time she strayed away from me (which was a regular occurrence), I became a distraught dude so he came up with a suggestion. 

The idea is simple, this girl is not your wife yet, why not try and even up by also having at least two or three other girls on campus? Initially, I resisted but I later budged on my decision, albeit grudgingly. Before you know it, I was on the prowl! But guess what, there is a difference between "ability" and "abinibi" (a Yoruba coinage for innate ability employed for purposes of Pun). Polygamy was/is not just my thing. Each time the subject strayed back, whoever that was with me would be evicted without notice! 

Her grip on me was that powerful.


2003:


By this time, I had already purposed in my heart that I had had enough of the afore-mentioned subject's excesses and that I was going to walk away from the relationship. If wishes were horses... Litttle did I know that I was almost "in bondage". Then an innocent girl came into my life and I was bent on holding on to her against all odds and that actually marked the beginning of my liberation.

 She was passing the night at mine and the subject who had strayed away for weeks decided to stray back into my room and my life, by extension as late as 12.00midnight on that fateful day, meanwhile the "new-catch" was fast asleep.

She knocked at the door and shouted her name on top of her in response to my enquiry. At that point, I conjured up the spirits of my progenitors. Aba 'Lejoka and Aba 'Luode, come to my rescue! And pronto, they showed up! "Abiyamo kì í gbó 'gbe omo rè kó má tara" (Apologies, I will not translate this).

 The next minute I flung my door open and I found myself in the midst of two women for the first and ONLY time in my life. How did I feel? You really want to know? Initially, I was scared, I fretted, but I brazened it out "no ni". 

I slept like a baby in the midst of those two women and everything was actually normal! Choi! The following morning was even more dramatic. They woke up, and exchanged warm pleasantries and took their turns in the bathroom. one fixed breakfast whilst the other left earlier for genuine reasons. That was my close(st) shave with polygamy.


Long and short, there are things one has the grace to undertake, God has not been magnanimous enough to me in that regard and I would rather stick to my one and only "Omo Ibo" for life. No vacancy oh. Ilé ti kún.


Mech shebi I keep confessing my past sins on a daily basis right?


NB: Please note that this is purely a work of art. All the characters are creations of imagination/fiction and the writer shall not be held liable for coincidences recorded therein.

Stay safe

Its Kunle

*Hhahahahahahahahaha work of art indeed. I am sure your wife Mech Understand these little confessions.