Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN - 34

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Sunday, July 18, 2021

CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN - 34

It is what it is.......








“I have to pay school fees now. My Children will not be allowed to resume school if I don’t pay their fees. I can’t pay you now till I settle that”

That has been my boss’ response I often hear from time to time. I have been doing some private jobs with him over the years and sometimes he would delay payments because he wants to pay his children’s fees for that school term.

Whenever I am caught with such response from him, especially when I have to pay the workers that executed the job with me; I get upset especially in my earlier years working with him.


 These days I know better. For him, at such point in time, paying his children’s school is number one priority over payment of workers’ salary not caring if the same workers also have their own bills to pay too.


Before now, he used to pay over 2million naira per term as school fees. That amount has obviously increased since his first son recently got admission to one of the most expensive private university in the country and studying one of the most expensive courses. I would often have the discussion about school fees with him from time to time and like most parents, you would see how important it is to him.


In one of such discussions, he told me “make sure you build a house before your children get to the secondary school, especially as a fixed salary earner, else it will be very difficult for you afterwards because you will be caught up in the school fees web”. There might be some truth to his advice but I personally think it doesn’t really matter anyway as long as you keep increasing your sources of income.


While he was complaining about fees on one occasion, I asked him “why do you have to put your children in such expensive schools when you can get to pay less and also get the same or even better quality of education for less fees?” He gave a very interesting answer


“Sending your children to school is more than just for learning. The kind of children your child interacts with and meet during their school days will become their so called “connections” in the future. The quality of connections your child will get in school will affect their future as much as the education they acquire. When your children attend A-list schools, it will affect their world view of things beyond just learning because of the type of children they meet in school”, he concluded.


He made me understand that your children are most likely going to marry, do business and other form of life activities from the friends they made during their school days. So, he wants to give his children the option of choosing from the best in the society. Imagine being a classmate with Aliko Dangote or Tony Elumelu’s children during your school days.


When I thought about it, it made lots of sense. But then, such mindset about education comes with a lot of cost; and if and when you can’t afford such cost, there lies in the problem. I have seen people who go into panic mood when the school term resumes. A colleague of mine rotates between two offshore locations while spending barely less than two days at home monthly in order to meet up financial obligations of his children studying in Canada. As someone who pays lots of people’s fees aside my children’s, I understand the financial burden that school fees can place on parents.


Even in times like during the Christmas holidays and festivities, we are always quick to remind ourselves to spend wisely because “school fees dey come for January” and the cycle never ends till the children graduates from the higher institution. This is why it becomes very heart-breaking when after spending such huge amount of monies educating children, to see them sitting at home due to joblessness.


This week, I am asking my fellow married men. How have you been coping with the school fees? What’s your school fees survival strategy? How do you create the balance and still able to “dey enjoy life as wahala nor dey finish”?


Let me share my own survival strategy. But then, we should all understand that people earn differently so what works for Mr. A might not work for Mr. B and our life circumstances are different. Also, sending children to expensive schools doesn’t guarantee a better or more secured future even if they make the best “connections”. I attended public school from primary school and all the way through to the university but I turned out better.


First, I don’t follow the crowd. My children attend a relatively cheap school not because I can’t afford the expensive ones but because I considered lot more other factors than just the school fees. Also, I have always been a “team home-lesson” as I believe having a good home lesson teacher will compensate for lots of knowledge gap which may not be covered in school. I also consider other factors like proximity to my house, the age of the child, the school environment, how my wife will cope with the school runs and other activities, and so on… If paying 250k for a child in crΓ¨che is what you can afford and suits your program; by all means go for it.


Second, learn to have an education fund for your children. I remember how eight years ago; some First Bank insurance marketers came to our office to sell insurance policies to staff. Even though I reluctantly started a children education fund then after the persistent “disturbance”. It was one of the best decisions I have made in my life. That education fund is in the million today. The money has become of sort of safety net for me now incase thing should go south,



Lastly, I can’t overstress this on a weekly basis. Learn to “paddle your own canoe”. We had to bailout a friend of ours last week for school fees. It wasn’t a nice experience seeing him in that state. Let’s learn to live within our means. For those of us with children, paying fees is a constant and inevitable activity that we do. Let’s learn to plan for and make provisions for it. 



Let’s stop this habit of making it look like an emergency; like you didn’t know you were going to pay fees, like it just happened. I understand the economic state of the country right now and lots of parents are really sacrificing to ensure their children get the best education they can afford but then learn to cut your coat according to the material.

Time to go…


Ciao!

39 comments:

  1. Interesting read with good lessons.
    Learn to live within your means. I also believe learning doesn't end in the classroom. Kids of these days are very sharp,they learn even from watching tv. There are good shows and movies. Someone said "dont bequeath poverty to your kids." Once in a while,dress up and visit nice places. It is good exposure for them. Get books,get an atlas,get board games and keep your kids entertained while learning. Its great fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's easy to tell people to make plans for such things but in today's Nigeria where anything can come up and food is the main priority it's not as easy as you think.

      My aunty raised my cousin's the same way, they went to the best schools and rolled with the best circles, today the intelligent ones are in top positions, but those who were easily carried away got mixed with the wrong crowd.

      For parents who can't afford the best of schools with well connected pupils, take your children to average schools and back them up with the best lesson teachers, they end up beings the best and open to scholarships and will have a chance to school with well connected kids too.

      Thirdly, know your kids, if you have an intelligent child, spend your all if you have to give them the best education.

      Delete
    2. Sense de your piece wella.

      Delete
  2. You made a lot of sense today.

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  3. Putting your kids in expensive schools to meet connections does not make any sense.
    Those are the schools where the kids also have enough monies and connections to do drugs and other vices.
    As a parent, invest time in training your kids to know the Lord Jesus, build good characters and
    value eternal life. That is where you would have saved them from a corrupt world and its systems.
    Their hard work and talents will stand them out and they will live to fulfil their destinies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really??? I know you are trying to win souls for Christ, but you are doing it in an annoying way. You don't win souls for Christ by always being negative in your reasoning. Jesus won people over by being loving and selfless, you are trying to do it by being overbearing and annoying, it doesn't work that way.

      Delete
    2. This is why it's good to know your child.
      Even as young as mine are, I can tell their characters apart.
      You know when your child is more attracted to worldly things, you know the one that is more focused. You know the one with leadership abilities and the ones that can easily be influenced.

      Delete
    3. @Blessed
      I had to read that comment up there to really know what your pain is. I did not see anything overbearing or annoying about those sentences. Your pain is probably that she is trying to win souls to Christ. Please evaluate your intentions very well.

      Delete
    4. @ Blessed one please allow her air her view, there is nothing wrong with what she stated up there. I am not a Christian but I share the same view as hers. I always advise parents to instill the fear of God in their children's life,no matter how much they think know and understand their children.

      I lost a family friend to drug overdose, guess what, she was a really good girl at home but mixed with the wrong crowd in school. She attended one of the most expensive school in the country because they wanted her to to mingle with the elites.

      So it all boils down to asking God for a divine intervention when it comes to raising our kids.

      Delete
    5. 16:11 and 16:08 πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ˜πŸ˜

      You both echoed my thoughts (in response to @BLESSED ONE).

      On the issue of raising your children or placing them in school, JUACHUKWU! (ask God's guidance)

      Another point is family planning.
      ✌️

      Delete
  4. I think parents should be careful that while they invest in their children, they also invest for themselves. Chances are high that a child may spend sometime unemployed. Also, that a child gets a good job is not a guarantee that the child would be able to provide for the parents. The child may not be earning enough to adequately cater for his/her parents financially or the child may end up being selfish. Imagine spending so much on your child/children with the belief that you would be cared for in your old age only to be disappointed.

    There's an Indian film I watched years ago that opened my eye, I think it's called Baghbhan. I may have spelt it wrong. You all need to watch the film.

    Don't run into unnecessary debt because of a child's education. Cut your coat according to your size.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»

      Delete
    2. πŸ’―
      I would add that our generation should abhor dependence on our children when retired, let that mistake end with our parents. Now, the aim should be giving the child the tools it needs to succeed while simultaneously preparing aggressively for your retirement. If any is left, then it goes as inheritance to the kids - that’s generational wealth being built. We all pray for long life, let’s also prepare for it.

      Delete
    3. Start planning early for retirement parents please.. Children are not the insurance or assurance for old age, that's a very selfish way to think... But I guess nothing like pension in Nigeria, so what do I know sef...

      Delete
  5. There is a place for destiny or grace in the midst of all this planning. God's got my kids, irrespective of who their classmates are.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Olive rose the wisdom of God dwells in you.

      "A man's heart plans his ways but God determines his steps." Proverbs 16 v 9

      "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." Prov 14 v 12

      Delete
    2. What a wise wise woman you are πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

      Delete
  6. Married man, your logic does not add up. Meet anyone that attended expensive private schools and universities and know that that is where occultism, orgies and drugs live. The children of the rich are the most undisciplined and the reasons are obvious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your (meet anyone that attended expensive private schools, plus children of the rich are most undisciplined) is false, stop generalising.

      Delete
    2. Occultism, drugs and orgies live in schools in various spheres , it's not fixed to expensive schools...train your child the way they should go and as they grow older they won't depart from it...

      Delete
  7. The only problem I have with this write up is with the useless boss that holds off payment because he needs to pay his kids fees. Those ppl he's owing, don't they also have school fees to pay?

    Your advice is very sound. My daughter already has an account in her name which neither her father nor I have an ATM for. We keep putting small small money inside so that by the time she's ready to go to college (primary and secondary school is free), she would never have to be on student loan or come directly from our pockets. We intend to do this for all our kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But you castigated Dr. Cherry for speaking up against chief priest for owing his workers.

      Delete
    2. Anon, easy with the lies. You will rest by fire by force. In Jesus name.

      Delete
    3. That's pretty much standard practice abroad, nothing new.

      Delete
    4. I am not sure I can see where I said we were the originators.

      Delete
    5. Abeg let's hear word. Who dash you originator sef.

      Delete
  8. Interesting and informative write up. While you're spending thousands and millions on your children education, parents should not forget to give them proper home training as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very key. I will rather send my kids to an expensive university than expensive primary/secondary school. Most of these expensive schools, the kids are morally bankrupt and their teachers cannot discipline them.
      I will send my kids to a sound primary school where their English curriculum is sound and lots of extra curricular activities, they need to discover themselves at that age.
      They will attend a secondary school that will help them to be 'streetwise' and yet classy.
      I will go all out for their university education. I am of the opinion that the friends you make during your university days are the ones that last a lifetime. This is where they need the connection. They have discovered themselves and cannot easily bow to peer pressure.
      #myopinion.

      Delete
  9. As a parent learn to live as well, you're not just on earth to train your kids. That's why some die or get struck with sickness as a result of too much stress before eating the fruit of their labour. You're not being wicked or unreasonable, consider other factors before placing much burdens on yourself. It's good to make sacrifices for the kids but don't loose yourself when doing that.


    Fecilicty

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nice writeup. It is very important we spend within our meams. I see lots of parent spending too much on education. When u go get a cheap school and good home lesson tutor. There are moral and other stuff to be learnt from we parents too. It also important we introduce children in making use of their talent either in sports, artistry or hand work. The richest countries are not basically school schoil ooo. They are involved in sports, film , musi and technolgy

    ReplyDelete
  11. What my inlaw does. Immediately the children are born, he opens an account for them, and has his salary increases, the monthly deduction increase. Right now the son is 12 years and the boy is almost 15 million rich, this started when he was a week old, when they are 18 years, it will be handed over to them. But the main aim is for their education. He has started building 2 storey building for tenants, he is planning on building 3 before they starts university, whatever they make from there goes to their education

    Funny enough he is just a consultant in teaching hospital but he just want to put everything in place for their education. And presently they go to one of the most costliest secondary school. And it's so easy for him cos he made plans from day1

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is JUST a consultant, really, like really.

      Delete
  12. I went to First bank about 6-7 years ago to pay fees and I was introduced to their education insurance. At the end of the month my premium is deducted from my account. I am glad I bought into the programme. My kids went to Igbinedion nursery/primary and secondary school. When the first two graduated , I withdrew the remaining two and took them to a Catholic school. The Catholic school is cheap and the standard is very high . We must be in school before 7:30 am every school day. The level of discipline is great. I have had reasons to regret the Igbinedion experience

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  13. School fees may God help us. I invested money in farm funded hoping that the interest and all will cover my kids fees. Now they have entered voicemail. Who else invested in that place? I will even send a mail to Stella, why are people so wicked in Nigeria? I will never invest in a ponzi scheme but because I felt this was legit and I've been investing with them before now, I went ahead. I'm so scared, I don't know how my kids will go to school this September. May we not enter into wrong hands.

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  14. This is really a call to order!!πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

    ReplyDelete
  15. So painful I came here late cos I intend opening for my kids soonest.
    But scared with the way Nigerian currency is degrading.
    So I was thinking of saving in foreign curencies ,no matter how small.

    ReplyDelete

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