Dr Freaks Journal - Relationship No Be By Force...

Interesting!

1998:


I had just completed NYSC Programme and was at the time living with my brother and his lovely family. For some personal reasons, I was not in any relationship at the time. If you care enough (aproko like you) to ask me why, I will "kukuma" tell you. I had no job, had no money and the future was hazy at the time, so I decided to "respect myself".

To my brother "X" and Aunty "Y," his beautiful wife, Olakunle must have been either a "slacker" or a "queer" dude because there were no female visitors lurking around the house at the time under reference.

Did I really give a hoot? Maybe not. Aunty "Y" was working in one of the multinationals in the "Garden City" at the time and the daughter of one of her then bosses had come calling and trust Aunty "Y" who has always had a knack for picking pretty girls for her disciples, of which I was/am one, she came back home with inspiring tales that would almost make a celibate want to consider a renunciation of his vows.

She spoke glowingly about this damsel who coincidentally happened to be a close neighbour. From the description, it so happened that the subject was known (not well though) to me and I was just nodding my head like one Agama lizard in my corner. Egbon later returned from work and the topic was resuscitated for the umpteenth time. This took place on a Thursday. Egbon brought me into their discussion and boom, she broke the news to me, "they" (just like a Supreme Court would do) had decided, Aunty "Y" was going to introduce me to the damsel and arrange our meeting, and I was to take her out on Saturday. I was just smiling and nodding.

Then, the D-Day came! Brother "X" did not only "donate" his favourite car "a Daimler" towards the "Project", he actually gave me money to facilitate the "Project". If my memory serves me correctly, Egbon gave me like 20k. That was a huge sum then. He personally washed the car and gave me toasting nuggets. Baddest guy! He must not see this write up "oh".

It was almost 10.00am and I was to drive to her house, pick her up and drive her first to Shell Club (having done my NYSC in Shell, I still had my Club Pass intact) and I think we were to drive to somewhere around Town, Borokiri.

10 minutes before 10.00am, I drove out of the house and headed in the direction of the damsel's house that was sitting on that corner piece along Apamini Drive, Off Iyo Bus Stop, Woji. Guess what, I drove past her house and drove towards my friends' house around Iyo, picked them up and zoomed off! We actually drove towards that same spot at Borokiri and boozed with all the money in my pocket! We gisted and mocked Brother "X" and Aunty "Y" for "falling maga".

It was now past 8.00pm and when we all felt that we had had a fun-filled day, we decided to return home. In that state, I managed to drive the Benz back home in top shape.

There were no GSMs at the time so neither Brother "X" nor Aunty "Y" could demand a video call or pictures of the outing so I was ready to "bobo them" just in case they asked me to render an account of my outing.

Expectedly, I arrived at home into their waiting hands and itching ears. They wanted the full gist. No auditing. No editing. Trust me, I concocted gists and they were more than thrilled. Lord have mercy on me.

That was how their perception of me changed, but unknown to me, it was going to be short-lived. Aunty "Y" ran into the damsel once again, inquired about her brother-in-law who was supposed to be her friend and guess what, like Peter, she denied yours truly and that was how she came home and exposed my antics.


Guess what, we all laughed it off and moved on.


2005:


I was preparing for the Nigerian Law School and my brother who lives outside Nigeria had "arranged" another damsel for me. She was living in God's Own Country and she was coming home for a wedding, her Mum's, so I was to meet her up somewhere and take her out. Fair enough. Great prospect right?

I had quietly requested for some money from Egbon, to take her out, (since I was not working at the time) and Egbon "Z" actually acceded to my request. He sent me some handsome dollars and because it was expedient to pick up some items from the damsel, I actually went to meet her up somewhere to receive the parcel from Egbon and I promised to come back for her later in the day with a view to painting the city of Lagos red (and blue and green!)

From the look on her face, I could tell that she was receptive, but guess what, hey, nobody's gonna choose my girl for me!


I quietly went to one "Nkwuobi" joint around Excellence Hotel, Ogba-Lagos and washed my "Nkwuobi" down with some bottles of Star Lager.

Egbon too called to find out how it went, I simply told him she was not my specs and he got the message.

To God be the glory, I eventually got married to my classmate and friend 3 (three) years after. She has been urging me on to tell "our" story here but I have chosen not to, for personal reasons and I have asked her to look forward to reading that only in my book.


Stay safe..

It's Kunle