Hmmmmm....
CHILDISH BADMOUTHING HUSBAND
Dear Stella and BVs...
My heart is soooo heavy. I'm heavily regnant.
My husband has a bad habit of reporting me to his people. It's so irritating. I ignore but right now I'm in tears. A 42 year old man calling his mom and aunts to report me when he's angry. This man was rejected by them from small, struggled on his own to rise. My Parents helped him get his current job.
I have sacrificed everything done everything for him.
No matter what he does i never tell my parents or siblings who live nearby. I keep covering up for him even after the worst things. This his family don't give a damn about him. When would this betrayal end?.
Imagine my mother in law calling me to threaten me that she would travel to come and fight me. My husband is the biggest ingrate. I've never regretted anything but this is my biggest mistake. The worst part is that when he cools down like an hour after, he tries to make up and continue to be very nice like nothing has happened. And expects me to do what?
There's nobody in his family that he hasn't told about me but he never tells them my good. He was recently sick for 3 weeks i suffered in my condition looking after him. I knew he would still fuck up. One week after he was well. He still got angry and reported me to his aunt. Said all the things I've offended him years ago. I'm just tired...
Just tired.
*Oh WOW this is serious oh....
Why are you hiding such serious issues from your family? Tow can play my dear, if he is badmouthing you to his family, then you should also be telling your family what is going on.... or are you ashamed?
Ignore your hubby and his childish behavior and focus on your baby's arrival please
Sounds like he married you just to be grateful for what your parents did for him.
ReplyDeletePoster I really feel for you. This kind of spouse is hard to live with whatever the gender. I pray God gives you the grace.........
Deleteplease for now, find one of two trust worthy persons in your family and be giving them update about what is happening around you, because you don't know his plans...so that in case he act strange..Ignore your hubby and his childish behavior and focus on your baby's arrival please..please take the advice of stella....
DeleteThis man was rejected by them from small, struggled on his own to rise. My Parents helped him get his current job....i hope he is not using you to catch cruise...don't worry you will be fine..but don't forget to pray..
GOD will touch his heart in JESUS name Amen...
Omo ehn marriage chronicles will just be scaring single people ... Na wa o
DeleteYour hubby suffers from abandonment spirit
DeleteYou can read about it.
They seek validation mostly from people they are trying to please.
He is trying to prove a point to his people, he enjoys when they respond to his tantrums because they never used to do that, however he is hurting you.
You may have done this but have a conversation with him
Also better start informing your own family about every event that takes place, or else you'd be seen as a devil in your own home. Let your people call him, let him know just how it feels.
Don't respond to anyone and do not pick anyone's call when he reports you, since he calms down to talk later, treat him like a child who is just throwing tantrums.
I hate grown up babies, it puts me off
Good point
Delete@ poster, pushup just summarize the whole thing to you,
DeletePush up 💯% on all the points you made and 💯% × 2 for paragraphs 1 and 2. 👌
DeleteHmmm @Blackberry that could be true and seems like he's also using her to get approval and sign affection from his family 👌. He seems to be like he's hungry for the affection of his family,but sadly enough he's not matured enough to handle his love starved appetite as he's sacrificing his wife to get it
DeleteWait till he complains to your family to get their sympathy. That man is a narcissist. Watch it
DeletePoster please report to your parents as well...They no dey win award for suffering in silence...If you continue like this, you may start developing HBP....It's not easy but try to be there for your baby that you are expecting...Get busy, do things that make you happy...PLEASE DON'T SUFFER IN SILENCE..
ReplyDeleteIf need be, find a neutral environment to relax and cool off because you are in a very tensed environment..E hugs to you...All the best..
👍👍👍
DeleteNice thing, he doesn't beat you but report you.
ReplyDeleteIs that behavior childish? Yes, it is
You have also reported him to this blog. Have you considered that that's his own way of preventing the worse; physical abuse?
I do not consider this a deal breaker. It is a matter to be discussed; tell him that you do not like that and how he will feel if you report him to your dad who has helped him in the past?
I think he will come to his senses after that.
And please cool down to deliver safely. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
Story. Deal breaker my fine ass. Poster don’t even consider any letter in this anon 15:06 comment. Na Them!!!! Please get your people involved so you don’t die young. Maybe he is trying to frustrate you because he has someone else. Two Can Play The Game. Give am back.
Delete@15:06 You are rationalizing and minimizing by saying "Have you considered that that's his own way of preventing the worse; physical abuse?" So because he does not beat her it makes his behavior less harmful or evil?
DeletePoster pls speak to your family and consider your emotional health. If you cannot deal with this walk. Take a walk for a while and re-evaluate your relationship else it will be a long road of reporting you.
Poster: please for the love of God,concentrate on birthing your baby,then do to him what he is doing to you.
DeleteSee,people like this don't like their own dirty linen been seen outside ,he would rather behave well to your parents or people who looks up to him than behave well to you.
You sef,call his mother and report him,start small small,you will see that he will stop .
Such a man child.
But isn't speaking to her family doing exactly what she is accusing this man of doing?
DeleteWhy involve a third party in a marital relationship for what two of them can easily settle?
🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
I called off my engagement to a successful doctor because of this attitude. I'm happily married now and I thank God every day for leaving that man. Any small issue that ordinary should not be a problem, he will report me to his family (he's from a polygamous home), report me to his friends, colleagues, subordinates, my parents and siblings. He will turn the story upside down and demonize me before every one. And worse still, his family support him because he's the breadwinner of their family.
DeleteI could not understand how a man who claimed to love me so much could hurt me that bad. I spoke to him over and over again, I even begged him to stop that we should handle issues amongst ourselves. All fell on deaf ears. The more I plead with him to stop, the more he continued. That God, I know what true love entails and I knew I deserved better. I cannot see fire and enter all because I want to marry a rich man. Funny thing is, he is divorced. I knew if I married him,I would eventually leave him so I broke my heart(because I genuinely loved the man) cried for a few weeks and move on.
I don't know what advice to give you because from my experience, talking and pleading with people like your husband will no result. Maybe you should pray oh!
But I think it's best you tell family everything that's going on. And protect your mental health because these kind of people can drive you crazy and fill you with hate. You are already in the marriage, so pray to God to heal him from whatever he's suffering from psychologically.
I called off my engagement to a successful doctor because of this attitude. I'm happily married now and I thank God every day for leaving that man. Any small issue that ordinary should not be a problem, he will report me to his family (he's from a polygamous home), report me to his friends, colleagues, subordinates, my parents and siblings. He will turn the story upside down and demonize me before every one. And worse still, his family support him because he's the breadwinner of their family.
DeleteI could not understand how a man who claimed to love me so much could hurt me that bad. I spoke to him over and over again, I even begged him to stop that we should handle issues amongst ourselves. All fell on deaf ears. The more I plead with him to stop, the more he continued. That God, I know what true love entails and I knew I deserved better. I cannot see fire and enter all because I want to marry a rich man. Funny thing is, he is divorced. I knew if I married him,I would eventually leave him so I broke my heart(because I genuinely loved the man) cried for a few weeks and move on.
I don't know what advice to give you because from my experience, talking and pleading with people like your husband will no result. Maybe you should pray oh!
But I think it's best you tell family everything that's going on. And protect your mental health because these kind of people can drive you crazy and fill you with hate. You are already in the marriage, so pray to God to heal him from whatever he's suffering from psychologically.
Poster, tell your family. Have your Mum or Aunt call your mother in law, and tell her not to threaten you again. You are heavily pregnant, and you do not need this drama around you.
ReplyDeleteThank you 🙏🏽
DeleteWhen you get used to his reporting you to his family he will start to beat you up. Next what exactly are you doing to him that he is reporting? Before we jump to conclusions o
DeleteCorrect advice. Let your people know what's going on. I commend your maturity poster.
DeleteYes! Your mother should warn his mother seriously.
DeleteCan you imagine an elderly woman saying she’ll go and fight her pregnant daughter in law! What a useless family.
I’m so pissed.
It’s either poster takes a drastic step that will force the silly man to change, or he comes to the realization by himself that he has a dirty attitude and he works on himself. I don’t know what the drastic action will be but I believe poster knows something that she can do to push that man to change
What kind of a childish man is that?please don't let it get to you,just tell one of your siblings just should Incase...
ReplyDeleteIt's really terrible living with a man that is so insecure and throws tantrums like a child
ReplyDeleteLearn to ignore him, make yourself happy and discuss him too.
Hmmm! It's not looking like your husband is willing to refrain o and you just try to be yourself
ReplyDeleteCall ur people too let them threaten him..
ReplyDeleteI remembered 5years ago when my husband reported me to he's mum,she didn't even take sides with him but when he offended me too,I reported him to my most stubborn uncle, that one called and told him if he's not man enough to marry they can come and help him keep he's wife until he's ready 😂 since then he stopped..why are you covering for him?when u can all be shameless together.
Mother inlaw is even coming to fight
Gbam....madam call your people and report him too, don't keep anything within you and start having BP please,call your people and let it all out.
DeleteYou have a good heart,he doesn't deserve you at all
@Mrs Sharon 😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteMRS Sharon oo *his mom* *his wife* not he’s. I cringed reading your comment because of this even though you wrote a valid point there.
DeleteStella reporting him to your own family will not help matter especially if he is mentally unstable. I was once in the poster shoe. It is better to be married to a poor man who has a mouth of his own than to be married to a man who talks anyhow and bad mouth his wife to his family.
ReplyDeleteI saw hell and lost my self esteem cos of the type of partner I ended up with.
He reported me to anyone who is ready to listen, neighbor, friends, colleagues, even church member in short anyone he feels I am close to. Thank God I didn't allow him to be friend with my colleague he would have finished me. My office and colleagues are my hiding place. Poster please if you can't deal with him just divorced him before he makes you run mad. Divorce is bad but one mental health is priority. I know what I faced and it was hell on earth. My ex in-laws all saw me as evil cos my ex kept bad mouthing me them and they also fighting me especially his mum. My family initially thought I was the cause cos I hardly talk about his short coming. Immediately they heard half of what he does omo they initiated the divorce fast fast. Been a single mum is not easy in this country but consider your mental health my sister. One day I will definitely share my story.
Please do share.
DeleteIt’s such a pity that a man will allow immaturity end his marriage. But I believe you’re in a better place mentally now. I can’t imagine living with such a manipulative spouse
Anon 15.38
DeleteYou have good family members. Hugs to you for your comment.
Anonymous 15:38, I thought am the one that typed this,cos this is exactly what am passing through. My husband bad mouth me to all our customers in shop anytime l was absent, to my family,, just tired of typing 😥
DeleteAre you the ex wife of my ex? Because you just described him. Luckily for me, I called off the engagement when I noticed he had not only painted me as a monster before his family but was also manipulating my family against me. If I'm so bad, why do you insist on marrying me? He begged for over 6 months but I could not accept him back because I knew if we got married, it would end in disaster. Where his own is bad is that, anyone that faults him becomes his enemy so all his family members are always in support of him because he's training their children in school and also sending money for their upkeep.
DeleteIt's been 3 years now, I'm happily married and he is still single. He keeps trying to chat with me on WhatsApp and keep I ignoring him because I don't trust him. Who knows what his mission is?🤷
SMH..it's pity how some grown up ass men will just be acting up like over grown babies all for what exactly?
ReplyDeleteNobody will give you award for this sufferhead.
ReplyDeleteTell your whole family!!!
Tell them he wants to kill you and your baby!!!
If you continue to think twice about this na hbp ooo.
Heaven help those who help themselves.
🤘🤘🤘
Dear Poster, you will be fine. Hold on tight to your marriage. I have been married for 10 years and my spouse was like yours initially. I simply served him his own meal. He stopped his childish act kia kia. Now, we have our peace. Infact, nobody in his family dare call me for unreasonable talks. I woke up one day and decided to stop being the victim. If he reports to his parents, be humble ,apologize and bear the shame. Then, you pick up your phone and report him to your parents too. Give your parents the feedback on how his parents treated you too. This is to make your parent give him similar treatment. Trust me, he will avoid issues that will make you report him to your parents. If he is fond of digging old issues, please be ready to always dig out old issues too. The guy go just tire. Imitate him and let know you are learning from him. I did this for just 4 months or so and it solved all the dramas like magic. Dont forget prayers too. Now we just laugh over those crazy trying times.
ReplyDeleteCorrect! That's what suits men like this else they wouldn't change.
Delete😂😂😂
DeleteDo me,I do u,I can't always be that claiming maturity ..
This is the fastest way to stop the nonsense
That was how my husband called my mum to report me over a very trivial issue. To say i was shocked is an understatement. I was very heavily pregnant and i cried throughout the night and i decided that when my mum comes,i will just apologise to him.
DeleteMy mum came and this guy started downloading both things related to our quarrel and things that i did years ago. My dear,there and then,me too,i downloaded all the things he did to me. Na so both of us collect correct talk and plenty advice. Since then,hahaha,he never involves anyone in our issues.
So poster,stop covering for your husband before you develop high blood pressure. I am the type of person that gives back what i get. You open my yansh,i open your own too. No time for pretence
Involve your people too, what are you still waiting for? tell them his mum threatened you..haba.
ReplyDeletehe needs to be spoken to,infact as he is calling his people,pick your phone and call yours too you should not be stressed at alllll
That rejection did a number on him..it’s like reporting you to them is his avenue of gaining acceptance from his family while throwing you under the bus.
ReplyDeleteYou don’t need any stress in your condition. Don’t subscribe to any tit for tat..report me, I report you fight. It’s good that you don’t report him. The moment he cools down and tries to suck up to you, talk to him firmly. Make him realise that you are sick of him using you to score cheap points.
If he continues, take some time apart for your mental health. Congratulations on your bun and I’m wishing you a safe delivery. 💛
Since he likes reporting to his people, report him also to your people let him feel how you feel , maybe he will then change
ReplyDeleteWhen I read chronicles like this, I find it difficult to respond. Why? Because it's so one-sided! No single fault from you only your hubby?! Ha! Na lie o! "It couldn't cant". It takes two to tango. I hope you are not constantly rubbing it on his face that you helped him rise. Men can do anything to hurt anyone who crushes their ego. Please check yourself very well.
ReplyDeleteFrom your write up, you said his people abandoned and rejected him. Suffice it to say that he is trying to buy their love back. But unfortunately, you are the material of transaction. He also isn't very mature to handle things so he keeps running home to mummy. Such men, are like children. They only grow up when you put your feet down and insist on him behaving rightly.
What I suggest:
1. Stop covering up for your husband. When his mother says she'll come over. Tell her yes. Then arrange for your people to come. Let the show begin. Even if it turns to a shouting match, no problem. Afterall, the reason the bible recorded all the battles in the bible is to tell us that life is an embodiment of battles.
2. When any member of his family calls you, get your own family members to call him and threaten fire, thunder and brimstone. It's a show, and like all shows, everything will come to an end.
When the warning and threatening match has gone on for sometime, his family will even be the one to tell him to stay away from them with his troubles. Dem go tire. In all of these episodes, be an onlooker. Never say a word. Everybody go dey alright. Your husband will definitely change. It's a growth stage for him. Remember he never had the right tutoring as to how a man should rule his household.
In all of this, have you taken time to pray seriously about the issue or are you handling it like most women do - fighting physically. Pray. Even before each episode/show, pray. Let God take control.
Jechix, it's not her fault. You won't understand until you date or marry someone like this. Though your advice to her are good. I pray he changes for good. The emotional torture of having the one person who you expected to protect you from his friends and family being the one to drag and rubbish you before them is devastating.
DeleteThis kind of husband an was, and sorry to say a lot of men are like him. You see what he is doing, he is gradually destroying your marriage. His people will judge and disrespect you and the worse is he is the one arming them. It's usually a habit they build and a very bad one at that. My dear u will have to think long and hard about how to solve this matter cos I don't think he can change.
ReplyDeleteMy sister na baby husband be that o, my mummy said type of husband.
ReplyDeleteYour husband likely need professional therapy. He is likely repeating the same cycle that was done to him, or using you in some way to regain their favour and acceptance. He is a troubled soul with demons who had no business marrying really. And unfortunately you did not recognize that he is so troubled and lacking in self-esteem and self-love.
ReplyDeleteIf he refuses to seek help fr himself then this marriage will likely continue to be unfulfilling for you. Nobody enters into a marriage to keep up childhood traits. Only a child go outside and tell everyone what is happening in their home, you married a child.
Only you can decide how much you can take. The future does not look promising especially if he refuses to accept that he has a problem and seek help. Try to focus on staying healthy for the sake of the baby. Please be aware that when the baby comes the things he finds to report about you may increase and intensify. You must get one of your own ppl to do omugwo or go back to your own place under the guise of some cultural practice in your place. Do not keep silent about his behaviour or the threats of his mother, because they all appear to be ticking explosive devices. So have a plan in place should you need to escape. Speak to you parents, especially with the threats of physical violence and being threatened at the height of pregnancy, enough covering for this man-child!!
1.Yes he's childish. He's supposed to protect you instead of exposing you to danger.
ReplyDelete2. Can you also please stop annoying him. I have seen a case where this lady keeps doing everything the man doesn't like, he kept keeping it in house until he almost ran mad and voiced out. Even me was surprised cos I thought they were perfect. She was now blaming him for exposing the home to outsiders, like if she had behaved herself there would have been anything to report.
Good luck
Yeah,she's the only one annoying him. He doesnt annoy her.
DeletePoster, have you ever talked to him about his reporting attitude or you get angry within you and give him attitude after everything?
DeleteI hope you are not using the fact that your parents helped him to remind him at every given opportunity and frustrate him as well?
Dante, there's no how two people staying together won't annoy each other.. and I mean, no how.
Definitely, he annoys her too on occasions..
This type of husbands only respond to 'do me I do you'. Just be ready to play his game with him, stop crying o. Report him to your family and everyone reportable. The next time someone calls to threaten you,give the person serious attitude. Silly family looking for who to kill,cant they even respect the fact that you are pregnant and shouldn't be stressed! A cool person cannot survive these type of people o,toughen up sharply
ReplyDeleteThis thing called marriage ehn......... you will keep on learning everyday
ReplyDeletePlease pray about it, discuss it with him as I think he is taking you for granted and if he doesn't change involve your pastor/ imam,an elderly person that he respects and last resort your family. Next time if his aunty or mum calls or threatens you, politely tell them that they are women too, they should understand and counsel him to handle his home affairs maturely without informing outsiders. God grant you safe delivery and as much as possible please avoid stepping on his toes. Hopefully, he will outgrown this behavior.
ReplyDeleteYou dish them using the same plate they served you with. Once they realize you will do unto them as they did unto you, they will renege their efforts. DO NOT KEEP SILENT. Talk your talk too. Unfortunately, it's not the best idea to involve family, but since he started on that route, involve yours too. Tell them what you are going through, and your family will stand up for you. Also, the repercussions will let him control his mouth going forward. People like that like to air other peoples' laundries but will hide their dirty ones. Talk your talk! Having your own voice is also therapeutic, so please don't let any man shame you into silence.
ReplyDeleteThese category of men start from when they are still very single,telling their friends shii about their gfs,relationships and even fiancee.My ex was like that too,any small disagreement like this,he will pick up his mobile phone and start reporting me to his friends,one even ended up advising him negatively.As if that is not enough,after exhausting all the calls on his friends,my siblings,he called one girl that i wasn't even close to,she's like an acquaintance that i have said several times i do not want to be close to.The girl asked her for recharge card to call me to talk to me to stop giving him stress,after recharge card collection,aunty started arranging herself,there and then on the phone,video calls started and she eventually sent her nude,she told him since i am giving him so much stress,he should just part ways with me and be with her instead.My ex still downloaded all these to me.As for the totototo,his loose mouth,i think he can never change.Poster be in the right frame of mind,report him back as he is reporting you.That can create that fear in him,maybe just maybe he might change.
ReplyDeletePoster, go back and read @Perxian 15.53 again.
ReplyDeleteJust to add that before you choose to start reporting him or even arranging for a verbal warnings/fight between your families as suggested by some Bvs, remember that they may turn physical or produce unintended consequences. So first ask and find out if you both are still really Keen on the marriage. And then make plans for life after before you start. No man should start building a house without first sitting to count the costs so says the Bible.
Some men mellow and behave at retaliatory response. Some become worse and retaliate beyond necessary. Do you really know what your husband and his family will do or are capable of? Some people no really get shame o.
And yes, you will hate reading this: Is/are there something(s) you do or say that provoke(s) his childish action? For example, a BV asked if you are rubbing in the help by you and your family or the abandonment by his family.
While that DOES NOT justify his actions, you both will benefit if you stop whatever it is that are triggering the reports.
Again, please read @Perxian 15.53
Best wishes for your marriage and baby.
There's no need trying to play cat and rat with him all in the name of showing him that two can play this game,but then you really need to open up to someone (who would not just comfort you and speak for you, but has the wise counsel on how to go about the case) and quick enough!!.
ReplyDeletePoster This is simple, cos you have to stand up for yourself, this kinda family respond to firm hand and your husband can't do that for you now( due to the rejection and neglect from Childhood) he is still seeking for their approval and acceptance.
ReplyDeleteStart by making a list(type it out) of all the good you have done for him, even the good fortune that have happened since you met him(take credit for that), give him one copy and stop picking calls that are from his family who call to scold you. then if they call meeting on your head, go with your list, and but ready to read it to everyone to hear. don't call your family(keep them in the know just in case)or badmouth him.
Stop running back to your shell okay.
A+