STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HELP NEEDED
I'm 26 years, got dumped recently, unemployed (was laid off three months ago. Thank God for my little savings that has been sustaining me). My heart is heavy because I was played by someone that I thought loved me. He knew that I'm an introvert and he wanted to turn me to his kinda girl but I couldn't keep up to his pace, he broke up with me. All I want now is to self improve.
The main issue why I'm sending this is that I cannot speak fluently and coherently. Not that I'm not educated o, but I can't just keep a conversation going or people paying attention to me whenever I start talking.
I don't know if you guys understand me, I need help. I've tried to talk slowly too but usually end up rushing my words because I always have lots to say in my mind.
I urgently need help. How can I get help?
Thank you. I will be in the comment section.
I'm 26 years, got dumped recently, unemployed (was laid off three months ago. Thank God for my little savings that has been sustaining me). My heart is heavy because I was played by someone that I thought loved me. He knew that I'm an introvert and he wanted to turn me to his kinda girl but I couldn't keep up to his pace, he broke up with me. All I want now is to self improve.
The main issue why I'm sending this is that I cannot speak fluently and coherently. Not that I'm not educated o, but I can't just keep a conversation going or people paying attention to me whenever I start talking.
They suddenly lose interest in whatever I have to say because I find it hard communicating my points. This situation can be likened to a music playing and you can feel all the beats while seated and dancing to every beats but when you decide to stand, your body disappoints you. That's me, I have everything to say but when I talk, my lips disappoint me.
Bad grammar, repeating myself over and over. People close to me are used to me so they understand me whenever I talk. It has affected my self esteem, cos when I'm out, I've to construct whatever I wanna say alot of times before I say it and it's mostly a one to two line sentences. I've been rejected from the jobs I've been applying cos of this.
I don't know if you guys understand me, I need help. I've tried to talk slowly too but usually end up rushing my words because I always have lots to say in my mind.
I urgently need help. How can I get help?
Thank you. I will be in the comment section.
*Ah this is serious.... May you have some kind of speech defect.
Is there anyone else in your family like this? I dont know if recommending a speech therapist is the solution.... Maybe you should first work on your self confidence I dunno
You need help from someone that knows a lot about speech defects and its available solutions
ReplyDeleteI think you need a speech therapist, you are definitely impaired when it comes to that aspect, your brain may be failing go send some signals.
DeleteThis is common for people with speaking impairment.
You can start by getting evaluated to know what sort of therapy is needed.
In no time you will definitely improve.
Why don’t you join toastmaster club. You will learn how to communicate effectively and confidently, without stage frights and avoiding the em words.
DeleteI could have dropped the link but it might become exposed to fraudsters scamming future toast masters. Kindly look it up online.
If you continue to have difficulty assessing toast master club, especially the club nearest to you, reach out to Stella as I trust she will post during the in house news, and I will respond to her.
Poster, u stammer?
ReplyDeleteI used to stutter like u while growing up.
Oh boy!!! People laughed and jested. Sometimes I cry until I told myself I wudnt cry anymore.
I built my self esteem and confidence.
Coupled with my supportive mom and prayers.
Now, ppl listen to me talk.
It's only when I am angry u know I stammer.
If it's fluent speaking, I suggest u throw urself into reading books and looking up new words dt are confusing.
Even on this blog, I have learnt new words that I use to make ' shakara ' lol.
Don't forget.....prayer works.
Udo!!!!
Cupcake thanks for this. I'm also a stammerer and it's not been easy for me. God deh
DeletePoster,I used to be like you. But I spent those times I couldn't express myself reading mills and boon, pacesetter and everything readable. Zamani and prestige bookshops in kano those days were my second home. I was supper good in Englisg but once the teacher calls my name to answer a question, palpitation starts and I become an emergency stammerer. I don't know what changed. Today I talk for England and Nigeria put together. I can stand in front of a crowd and speak without a care and I can hold any conversation on any topic. I will end up being the one asking questions on issues I know nothing about without feeling embarrassed.
DeleteWhat is my secret? I removed the cloak of low self esteem and shyness. I began to build my self confidence on my own, I started mingling with people. I started by sitting down quietly and watching everyone talk and I started gradually participating in conversations and here I am today. I'm even a self acclaimed counsellor now as people listen to me a lot.
If you cannot work on yourself,by all means get help but I will advice you develop a self determination within you. God bless and strengthen you.
You have a speech problem. See a speech therapist.
ReplyDeleteI think I was like that in my university. I grew up in the east . Always speaking igbo.So to speak English became a problem .I made alot of mistakes in my English,I rehearsed what I wanted to say.my roommates used to laugh at me then.
ReplyDeleteBut I was brilliant. when I went for service, I had no choice than to always speak English and my English improved. I developed the attitude of reading blogs, news, books.reading increases your confidence level. That confidence that you know something.it helped me . ultimately change of environment helped me. Now, I can speak and people will pay attention to me.
Yours is totally different from what the poster is experiencing.
DeleteHers has to do with the brain not delivering the right messages to produce speech.
She has to relearn and train herself on how to pass her message.
It sounds like childhood apraxia
Go for public speaking courses, read more novels, practice speaking among those who understand your predicament then move on to a bigger crowd. If you're religious, you can join ushers and/or lectors this will force you to speak even when you wish not to. Get lots of movies (not Nigerian movie or jenifas diary please) I mean foreign movies and practice with them as well. In all, include God. It might seem like it's taking forever but eventually you'll find yourself speaking more fluently and willing to speak publicly
ReplyDeleteGet audio and videos tapes of pastors, motivational speakers, lectures, stuff like that. Start practising with your mirror. Don't stop talking out loud to yourself. Keep at it, you will be fine. Or you get a speech therapist. Most importantly stop over thinking stuff, take it easy. All the best
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it👌
DeleteDear poster please do this
DeleteIt will serve as a form of therapy too
You can solve part of this problem by reading a lot of books.The other part may be in the hands of a speech therapist
ReplyDeleteHmmm... it is well
ReplyDeleteI do not think its a speech problem. I feel its a self confidence issue that snowballed into being overly conscious and cautious about your spoken words. For starters, i think you should start telling yourself that you can be better than where you are, and start building your self esteem. It begins with you winning the battle in your mind first. It might not be easy at first, but keep trying. Your losing a job and a relationship does not define the trajectory of your life. Always tell yourself you are better than whatever, and just keep building your self esteem. Read books. The change begins with you telling yourself you can do this! All da best poster!
ReplyDeleteSpot on, Morgan.
DeletePoster, the following steps can help you build confidence and coherence.
1. Watch foreign english movies.
2. Write more than you talk.
3.Avoid verbal communication in your local language - this is part of your problam.
You have a local mind, live in a local environment, and you probably surround yourself with people who do not care about self development.
I reconnected with my high school friends two years back but found difficult to relate with them due to too much localnes - they are educated, though. I simply stopped interacting with them.
True 👌
DeleteSame here, I don't think it has anything to do with speech delay or requiring therapy.
DeletePoster practice with the people you are close to who won't make jest of you, insert yourself into their conversations and participate actively (in English). Ask for feedback from then at regular intervals.
If you attend a church, you can offer to join the children's unit. Start with the younger children, build talking skills there (at least those children won't make jest of you). Move up stages as you get more confident.
Go to a secondary school, speak with the principal about volunteering to give a pep/heath talk. Do it once a month or as your schedule permits.
It's a gradual process, you will get good results if you can consistently do these for 6 months to a year.
Poster look for brighter grammer and start studying them.
ReplyDeleteStart from book 1 till you finish the series and thank me later.
She doesn't need brighter grammar. YouTube is a great place to learn the Art of speaking English and she needs to work on her self confidence. Mark Morgan made a good point up there.
DeleteRead books it always helps with my grammar and go and watch motivational videos on YouTube start with Helen Paul’s video about the story of her life and thank me later
ReplyDeleteSpeak more often,face your fears,have what you call self discovery,listen to lots of motivational videos,books.it has helped me many times
ReplyDelete.
What you have highlighted has elements of autism which includes social interaction and communication. people get diagnosed with autism in adulthood as well. See a psychologist that's who you need. There is no shame in being autistic you are just wired differently when communicating and interacting with people and having conversations.
ReplyDelete*social interaction and communication difficulties which involves the inability to hold a chain or line of discussion. You were able to aptly outline your chain of thought in this write but i am sure verbally expressing them to another person will be challenging. Wgat you described as being introvert is just a social interaction challenge. Don't be afraid of the term autism, you just process things differently 🙏
DeleteIt is not autism, she's definitely not on a spectrum.
DeleteShe's introverted because of the impairment so she lacks social intelligence.
A lot of people think everything is autism but there are over 50 additional needs that have the same symptoms as autism.
What you are going through is normal with extremely shy and highly introverted people.
ReplyDeleteDo you have anyone you feel safe with? Any friend or sister? Try hanging out with them more often to gradually help build your confidence and communication skills.
Also learn to come out more and face people. Visit malls or places where you can have simple short conversations with random strangers. Learn to look people in the eyes and smile when you say hello to them.
Research on how you can overcome shyness and learn to interact better with people.
One step at a time.. If you are intentional about it, you will overcome it.
I was once like you, a core introvert and extremely shy. But now, nobody believes me when I say that. Everyone sees me as an outgoing extroverted friendly person. People who knew me from way back attribute the new me to maturity. But it took me a lot of work and deliberate efforts. I know for sure that if I had not worked on it, by now I would have been a 38yr old introvert still feeling awkward around people and blabbering through conversations.
I remember just stopping random strangers to compliment them. Or asking someone where they made their hair. There were times I even asked about the time, even when I had a functional wristwatch. But those were some of the little steps I took that helped me come out of my shell.
So get to work on you sweetie.. You can definitely overcome it.
I used to be a very shy person. Two people were a crowd for me and I just blank out trying to talk to them. I am a very brilliant person but while in high school, the only club I did not excel in was debating for obvious reasons. I led the quiz group and so on. But how about today? Yea, I am a professional and a preacher now. I have spoken to crowd as much as hundreds in study groups and churches. How did it happen? I made Jesus my Lord, I began to study his teachings. I began to lead small Bible study discussions. I got filled with the Holy Spirit, and my boldness exploded.
ReplyDeleteDear, Jesus created both you and I and he alone can fix whatever is not right with us. Look at what he turned ordinary fishermen; Peter, James and John into? Fierce preachers and leaders of men and women. He said that "his strength is made perfect in weakness..." (2 Cor. 10:8-12)
Take it easy with yourself. You probably internalize every thing you're told whenever you stumble. That has been worsening your predicament. I think what you have is social anxiety. You can start by socializing or let me say go out often.Try to join things that will make you be the cynosure.You can also practice deep breathing and systematic exposure to your trigger. Just visualise those places and watch yourself speak in those places.Read about SOCIAL ANXIETY.
ReplyDeleteI used to be like you some few years back! I express myself better in written communication just like you do, i was able to discover that I was battling with low self-esteem,most at times I use to get inimidated when I'm around my friends because I feel they speak better and sometimes because they know you're intelligent they would want to hear u speak until I made up my mind to express myself with or without mistakes that's when my fluency developed,I can tell you today there's no where I can't stand to talk when given the privelege I would also advise you to always I mean ALWAYS speak in good English even when you find yourself in the mist of people speaking pidgin english let it be your habit and then you would see improvement Good luck!
ReplyDeleteBuy newspapers or magazines. Anytime you can, stand in front of the mirror and start reading it out pretending you are reading to a crowd. It's OK if you fail several times but trust me, with time you will become a pro and even have accent on top. Good luck honey, if you typed this chronicle, you write so well ❤
ReplyDeleteWe have speech therapist in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteLovelace
Your parents should have taken you to get help when you were younger. You can still get help but it will be more time consuming and you will have to commit yourself 100% to the process.
ReplyDeleteGo on You Tube and seek for videos that do speech training. When you become employed and have the means get a therapist who can do live 1 on 1 work with.
What I deduct from your write-up is an issue of self esteem.
ReplyDeleteYou've to be bold, that's how people would want to listen to you.
To be bold, be sure of what you say. I mean read books, be knowledgeable & vast.
Always keep this in mind, people you communicate with (whether president or governor) are humans like you & you've the power to convince them or get their attention. Just be bold and courageous 🙌
My dear, try and develop a habit of reading. You can start with fiction ie novels etc(well written ones).
ReplyDeleteThey help your word base a lot. Look for some good old best sellers and immerse yourself in them
Before you know it, you'll be so comfortable with words, they'll be rolling off your lips.
Also, practise speaking in front of a mirror. It may make you seem "mad" initially but it helps you build your self confidence.
All the best dear.
Nice recommendation.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, don't beat yourself up too much, you will get better. I read your story and it resonated well with me, because I was this way up until 2 weeks ago. I had crippling social anxiety that was limiting me at work it started after emotional trauma, I had palpitations when I had to speak in public and I am a medical doctor of all professions to suffer social anxiety, I definitely knew something was wrong and it was the devil at work, at a point I started wondering if I was autistic. After an evening praise session by Dr. Panam Percy Paul, God opened my heart, I slept well for the first time in ages and I knew something shifted. The next day I had a major presentation, I just kept praying and confessing that God has not given me the spirit of fear, but love, power and a sound mind. I then went on to give my best public presentation ever without palpitations and tremors, God has opened doors for me since then from the presentation. Surround yourself with the presence of God, his presence makes the difference. Listen to worship. Listen to podcasts. Be intentional, speak words of life, search for scriptures on boldness and confidence and speak to trusted Godly people about your fears. You will get better, celebrate yourself and the wins you will get, you are fearfully and wonderfully made! God's plan is for us to live life abundantly without limitations.
ReplyDeleteYes we do, I am one
ReplyDeleteI don't know how to send in my Chronicles Stella. I'm a guy in my twenties too, an introvert and have the same issue.
ReplyDeleteArticulate your thoughts in your head before you speak. When you're not busy, stand infront of a mirror and have conversations with yourself. This will help you practice your speech. Trust me, many confident people you see today, have dealt with insecurities. Some people even come off as arrogant in an attempt to mask their inferiority complex. Don't beat yourself up, we can't all be public speakers. Read novels too, they help with new words. You'll be fine, as long as you're willing to try new things.
ReplyDeleteYOU NEED SERIOUS HELP. There is nothing God can't do. Seek help, read good books, practice and pray.
ReplyDeleteIf you're a Christian, try reading your Bible everyday. Make sure you read 5 chapters everyday.
ReplyDeleteAlso get motivational books and Christan literatures and read.
You might not value this advice, but when you try it for 1months, you will be glad you did. That was what helped me