Hmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE...
FINANCIALLY DIFFICULT HUSBAND
I need a very blunt advice even if it's a slap, I don't mind so I don't make a mistake.
My husband lacks financial management and it has gotten us in trouble a lot of times. I was very open with my finances before but I had to be smart and start hiding money.
If my husband knows I have 10naira in my savings account, he wont rest till he borrows everything until the last kobo and he wont use it for something tangible.
He has exhausted all my savings of about 500k, another 100k, I planned to use to open a kiddies account for my son and keep, he reported to his mum when I didn't bulge and she was begging me to loan her son the money, with the promise that he will pay back but up till this moment, he hasn't returned the money. I also had a side hustle; I was into men's clothing, both capital and profit was squandered by hubby, whenever I protest, he will say I am not a submissive wife and report me.
I just wanted peace that was why I yielded. He is also a chronic debtor, he owes a lot of loan apps and his former bank. He had to open a microfinance bank account so his money won't be deducted.
He just lost his job, no savings, our house rent was due and he had to take another loan to pay. He has 150k left. He plans to start a business but the capital required for the business is 400k.
He has been very sober lately, he doesn't stay out late anymore, doesn't drink anymore, he has also stopped cheating. (His gf was calling and he ignored her). He told me he wants to be a better husband to me.
He now helps out with chores in the house and plays with his son, (something he doesn't do before).
My Question is: Should I give him a FOURTH CHANCE and help him out with the balance so he can start the business. I have over 1m in my savings account which he has no idea about (I got a new job with a better pay so I forged my employment letter to state one third of my salary) or should I just lock up and face my son squarely.
*NA WAH OH.....Give him one last chance...He needs about 250k and you can afford to give him but dont expect a miracle...he might revert to how he was....
Good luck!
This kind man na from which land sef, this one na big problem o, when he go learn sense? Abi village people do am like this?
ReplyDeleteHmm poster you need prayer to continue living with this kinda man o.
I no even sabi the kind advice I go give
Ahh dangerous
DeleteDo you know that tictok song the use for reels?
Ahh this is so dangerous
Give him 200k
Let him start with that or give him the amount he can pay back
Let his mum give him the remaining 200
It's so exhausting dealing with people that lack financial management, you will be drained.
If he has a car, let him do Uber and raise the remaining 200k
He has to suffer for something or else if he keeps depending on you to provide, he will never grow.
Just give him the money and little help here and there. even if he revert to his old ways... God sees your heart. You yourself will not have peace of mind seeing him in that condition, knowing fully well that you can help.
DeleteLife na turn by turn o!!
Echi dikwa imeπ
If you give him he'll suspect you and try to find out how you got the money and if he sees you have such amount in your bank account that will be bring alot of trouble so it's best you ignore and let him hustle to get the money himself that will make him value what he has but if you want to give him and lie that you borrowed it and he doesn't give you back how will you react?.I believe this complaint you just brought here he has consistently been doing it. And I believe he still owes alot of people till now, now how are you sure the business he'll do will flourish knowing fully well he is behaving like a good man because lack of money. So obviously just expect him to go back to default mode when money comes. As for me I feel you shouldn't give him and let him find the money so he will value what he has!
DeleteDon't give him. Let him go out and hustle for it. How do you people consistently give your husband's money time and time again when history has shown you how they Really with money. Do you forbid to leave the money in your account?
DeleteHe will blow the capital of that business or the business won't survive enough to yield profits because of the many places he is owing.
Poster I beg follow 18:01 him let him sort himself out, he is just being homely because there is money to lavish out there and for now you are feeding him so needs to help at home. Queen has has always been shouting it here broke boyfriend or husband are always humble don't be deceived just make sure you buy basic things needed at by this you are helping him.
DeleteSo here is my advice. No matter the amount you give him, don't expect it back.
DeleteBut if you want to help him and have him manage the funds better and actually use for the business and maybe be serious with the business. Find a friend who your husband knows can afford the money, have an arrangement with the person to act as though they're the money borrowing your husband the money, the reason for this is for him to be serious with the business and see the money as a debt, again zero your mind to give him back if he ever successful pays you back through the same source you used in giving him.
I hope I made sense sha πππ
"He might revert to how he was."
DeleteExactly
If you want to give, don't give him all the N250k,don't create room that you have plenty cash. its obvious with what he will do with part of the money. He wanna win your trust and milk that N1M. Be wise
You can only pray for him to have sense and use the opportunity wisely .
Don't ever let him know you got money. Sit him down and tell him you are going to borrow from a friend for him. And give him the estimated time to pay back. The Lord is your strength.
DeleteHmmmm lemme read and learn
ReplyDeleteDon't give him a dime, allow him suffer so he will learn the hard way. A friend of mine is suffering same, as I'm speaking to you, her husband is squandering the 5th chance money she gave him with one old cargo, I know where they are but since they said we should allow couples settle their fight, I will stay by the corner and keep mute.
DeleteImagine wicked horseband.
DeleteHe's your husband and I know you love him. Help him out but don't expect any change.
ReplyDeleteHow will you explain the money you will give him?
Hmmmπ€π€
DeleteShe should 'help him out but not expect any change.'
DeleteIn other words she should go ahead and throw away her money?? Issokay. Loll.
Anon 17:33 Na Love matters oh
DeleteWisdom is truly not tied to gender
DeleteNever trust the humility of a broke man
Go on ahead and give him the remainder of the said 400k money
ReplyDeleteNa dem
DeleteTell him you took loan from a friend or relative.
ReplyDeleteBut be prepared to forget about the loan if he doesn't pay back.
He won't pay he is just forming a change because he is broke.
DeleteAunty no worry!! If u want to help him! Give him like 250k to bal the money to start business. Infact tell him you borrowed it from your friend or company. If u like mumu carry 1m give am.
ReplyDeleteThese kind of men dnt change.. if e bounce back now. He will go back to his former ways. Na money dey charge dem like battery π. Dey dnt repent oo. So use ur head.
Telling him from company will make him always push for more anytime he is broke knowing his wife will be the one to pay back.
DeleteYou will turn to bread winner immediately he knows your salary so don't make the mistake of ever opening up to him about money.
All this niceness is only because he is broke sha, so don't expect it for too long.
Poster, yes give him but not now. Let him stay in that situation and reflect for atleast 5 to 6 months. Don't be quick to interfere when nature is reshaping people else you suffer the consequences. For now, just concentrate on loving him and receiving his love. Give him all the peace of mind he needs and keep encouraging him. Then when it's time, borrow him the money but don'texpect to be paid back. Tell him you took it from your employers so he should handle it well.
ReplyDeleteI can't agree less with this response.
DeleteGreat advice ππ½
DeletePoster this advice,I am glad you were smart enough to save
DeleteThis is beautiful, let him be in this situation, like what I planned to to my husband now, I met with one ajo woman planned with her to give my husband a 100k loan for our rent so he will be paying 25k every month our rent is 200k I have been paying it,but this time i said Mba no be only me go pay he has to contribute to it, he is working and his salary is small but then he has to pay half make me pay half, so let him stay awhile before you can borrow him either through somebody so he can pay even if not everything but at least at all at all na im bad. Haba!
DeleteAnon 15:11 i love this advice, especially the Nature part, so enlightening
DeleteChai...ππ
DeleteSolid advice. 15:11
DeleteGbam, words of wisdom. Don't be too quick to intervene, or else, he won't learn his lessons.
DeleteUntil you're sure he has changed, don't release your money cause the cycle continues. How can a grown man not behave responsibly? Hia!
ReplyDeleteHe’s only sober cos he wants to manipulate you. I pity una with all this destiny destroyers in the name of husband.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, my thoughts exactly. Give him the money and he will start picking the gfs call again.
DeleteThank you
DeleteAs in I won’t give him not after his track record. I will lockup simple!
He is even a cheat ontop π€£
Thank you
DeleteWhen people show you who they are
DeleteBelieve them
Madam,face your front.Do not give him a kobo
ReplyDeleteLOUDER!!!
Delete"His girlfriend was calling and he ignored". Ikwakwakwakwakwakwa. Ikwakwakwakwakwakwa. Madam abeg I don laugh tire.
ReplyDeletePlease just give him the last chance. Thank you
Na that one shock me pass. Madam you are on a long thing. Guy man plan with somebody to call am, make e be like say e don change ooo. This your husband no fit change rara. It will take the grace of God to change him.
DeleteYou can give him the money but expect the circle to continue until you borrow sense keep your money. Good luck.
Lovelace
ππππ
DeletePls don't give him πππ
ReplyDeletePlease don't give him, let his girlfriend lend him the money π€
DeletePeriodt
DeleteDon’t give him shingba!!!
Give him another chance. That's what God does for us anytime we sin. Give him the balance. Men find their identity in the work they do. It gives them a sense of value.
ReplyDeleteBut please, keep knowledge of your financial status away from him until you feel he has changed.
Like Stella said, don't expect a miracle.
Also, pray seriously for him. It seems unusual.
Did you say 4th chance?
ReplyDeleteππππππ
A leopard will NEVER CHANGE IT'S STRIPES!!! If you help him, he'll do everything again, the first step will be the renewal of his affair with his girlfriend...
ReplyDeletespots.... poster please your job at this point is to love, encourage and care for him through this fire. He wont pass this lesson if you indulge him...
DeleteChai. Nawao.. you have a nice heart o.. just give him chance
ReplyDeleteTell him you're lending him,that you helped him borrow somewhere,you'd know if he's changed genuinely
ReplyDeleteSuch a sad situation.
ReplyDeleteBrace yourself π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. What if all this is an act? What if you give him and he reverts back to his old self? Have you thought about this? You say he ignores his girlfriends call, he's a changed man and all that. Are you with him 24/7 to be sure of this? My dear, be wise about your decision.
ReplyDeleteMy dear OFCOURSE it is an act.
DeleteNa poverty dey make Nigetian humble na. They will be acting like sheepish goats, laughing one yeye by force laugh.
Let him see that money first, it will enter audio!!
Fiam!
Mark my words.
Is it not money dem dey use to drink and carry girlfriend? Money no dey na. That is why he is loitering at home putting up a sober show for you and your child and ignoring girlfriend's call.
Make alert enter first...
Dem no dey take eye see say wife get money pass them.
Their stupid childish ego will feel pricked so they will look for every way to drain their wives until she has NOTHING.
Those of you married to these type of useless men, better start saving money as best as you can.
Nobody knows tomorrow.
Financial intelligence is not something you learn in a day especially for someone filled with ego and pride and empty on common sense and how to appropriately lead his home.
My advice is if you really want to give him the money, you can ask a friend to pretend to be the one lending him the money because if its coming from you, you will never get that money back. Or since he has an account with microfinance bank he can take a loan from them.
Even had the audacity to be sleeping about!! Gosh. Can't deal with these phuuuulish empty Nigerian men.
*smart decision on forging that document. You for no see 1 shingbai for yourself.
Anon 15:53, I totally agreed with your post until you generalized Nigerian men.
DeleteLet me assure you that I will personally block you on your way back from work and you must say it to my face or retract this broad condemnation on Nigerian men.
We are the best in the world, please. No Nigerian men slander will be tolerated. Thanks
He can even start something with that N150k, watch how the business is progressing and keep enjoying his presence & d drama he's been putting on while it lasts before you can help me but not with all the money.
DeleteSome men can't change o.
My suggestion is ‘No’. For the time being, lock up.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know if this makes one a bad wife, but I am a firm believer that you take people as they present themselves. Don’t run yourself to the ground because you want to be a loving wife. If the head of the family has proven to be financially irresponsible, fine, it behoves you to fill in the gap and ensure you and your kids are secure.
Don’t be deceived by his humility and contributions to house chores. The determining factor should be ‘has he learnt his lesson? Has he really changed? Can he manage money better?’ Some people never learn until they hit rock bottom. You give him this money now, he will know he can count on you to bail him out no matter what; that’s lovely but it also enables him. What did he do with your trust when the going was good? Had a girlfriend he can boldly talk to you about? He suddenly wants to be a better husband because he can’t fund his misbehavior?
If you feel so pushed to help, ask him to ask someone else for money, someone through whom you can lend him the money. I strongly advice you not to give him directly.
Just as an aside, the word is ‘budge’. ‘Bulge’ has become so rampant that people now think it is correct.
Even at rock bottom
DeleteSome blame everyone but themselves
You can but dont expect magic o. may be he is just pretending because no money again. Let God touch his heart for genuine repentance.
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha...Poster i thought you were talking about my husband...
ReplyDeleteYou will keep giving and he will never change.. My hubby just becomes sober,stays home and helps out with house chores when he needs money from me or is with my ATM.
This is my 15th year in this journey and no changes... My family wants me out of the marriage but never assists me financially at least for my children.
Help out if you will but expect nothing back
I already typed same before seeing yours. It is well.
DeleteLovelace
Sorry but what are you doing in that 'marriage'.
DeleteAnon 15:25, sorry to hear about your situation, I can literally feel the sadness from your words.
DeleteWhether you stay or leave, that's your choice. But if you're choosing to stay, you should understand how much work you'll need to put in to make sure things work out.
You can ask God to lead you on how to manage your husband effectively. The man is obviously a drain on you, so firstly you need to find a way to not let him be such an energy blackhole.
You may need to read on managing people with addictions, human psychology and how to influence humans, etc. I repeat, you should pray for God to guide you on how to manage this man, believe me, God doesn't change people who don't want to change, except in very rare instances.
Finally, you can just leave, that's also a valid option with its own disadvantages.
Pick your poison. Good luck
What a marriage!
ReplyDeleteFeels like the poster is even married to herself. Nah one sided marriage.
DeleteFace front,he is loyal cos he is broke......Let him look for the balance
ReplyDeleteGospel Truth! π
DeleteHe ignored his side chick no because he has changed. He ignored because he has no money to give her so he is ashamed to face her. When you give him the money the first person he would call back is his sidechick to apologise for ignoring her call. He would tell her he has been busy and he would make it up to her. The first visit he would dash her 50k as welcome back package and promise her more when business picks up. That is where all his money has been going. Not that your husband lacks business management skill rather he is wasteful on those his grilfriends.
ReplyDeleteHe has not changed one bit. You only know a truly changed person when they are really nice even as a rich person because at that level of wealth and comfort they truly have no reason to be. When someone is at their worst and they are nice please, do not get carried away.
Give him that money for the business just to test this theory not because you want to give him a chance. He does not deserve any chance. That was how my aunt's husband was till she got tired and left the man. Whenever he is broke he is an angel. He would even carry her to the bathroom to bath herπshe too will now loose guard and fall yakata and give him all her money. The next day he would squeeze face and come home in the night with perfume smell all over his body. He will continue till two weeks till the money finishes then revert to the fake loving husband.
π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£
DeleteChai! Women and our fish brain.
DeleteWe love feeling loved.
Since he's your husband,give him.You people have become one in marriage.As you are supporting your husband.God will keep blessing you and he will get a good job very soon.
ReplyDeleteTill he will ruin her.my dad was like this,he never changed.if my mom did not apply wisdom,we would not have seen the four walls of secondary school talkless of the university.
Deletewell, I feel you should borrow him the remaining balance to at least start up something, but it doesn't mean everything would work out overnight, pray for him, God that provided a good job for you knows why he did so...wishing you all the best Poster, be very careful but be compassionate too.
ReplyDeleteMadam if ur spirit gives him no wahala,but don’t expect he is going to pay,ko possible.
ReplyDeleteAnd it’s not a curse,that man can never change.People like them are always sober when they are broke.
You sure say the #150K still dey sef? Cos this one he is humble upandan so. If you give him the money now he will remember that e remain #150k. But wait o, what of him mama wey dey beg for am she no fit lend am?
ReplyDeleteNa the mama spoil am. Those parents wey anything wey your pikin want you give I pity una Na this kind efulefu una dey rear tueh
DeleteMadam face front or are you not enjoying the peace/love you have now? He's only sober because he's broke, he doesn't pick his girlfriend's call for now because he doesn't have the money to fund her anymore. For now he hasn't hit rock bottom yet because if he has the man In him will always look for a way to raise the remaining balance without you, After all he doesn't know you have the money.
ReplyDeleteNa dem o
ReplyDeleteSorry ma but he will not change!
Give the money and tell him you borrowed it. But please don't expect him to remain humble. He is likely to go back to cheating, staying out late. Your happiness and that of your son is all that counts. Tell him this is the last time you are going out of your way to help. Be good to yourself at all times . God bless you abundantly.
ReplyDeleteGive him now.who owes u?no be the man.
ReplyDelete21st century women and their wahala.
Once my wife receive her salary,she send them to and i will give her money to do anything she likes.her salary must pass through me first.
Oshey oga her salary passes thru me.Set Awon monkey dey work bamboo dey chop.
Deleteππππππ
DeleteBoth you and your "submitting" wife, na wa for una!
DeleteThief, 21st century husband ....slave master....
DeleteCome try am with my type you go see shege I cast out that evil blindness on your poor wife in Jesus name amen.wicked man
DeleteAnon 16: 01, what your wife is doing depicts absolute trust and submission. Hopefully, you aren't betraying that trust and are as loyal as she is.
Delete17:28 supporters club of this breed will come for your comment.
DeleteLovelace
Daylight anu robber.
Deletehahaha. Anno 17:28 this your prayer heavy o.
DeleteNo one owns her except God.See your dirty mouth like 21st century wife
DeleteOLE
No one owns her except God.See your dirty mouth like 21st century wife
DeleteOLE
No one owns her except God.See your dirty mouth like 21st century wife
DeleteOLE
DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY CHANCE,FROM INCEPTION HE HAS REASONED SELFISHLY,ITS TIME FOR FOR YOU TO DO SAME,IF NOT YOU WILL SLAVE FOREVER FOR HIM
ReplyDeletePLAN FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS.
GBAM!!!!
DeleteYour husband sounds like my brother in-law now. Baba is loyal to a fault Now that he is broke. No more side chics, he comes home early too πππ
ReplyDeleteLol
DeleteLMAOOOO. Where e won go when he cannot afford a teaspoon of beer?
DeleteLol@baba is loyal to a fault now.Baba don calm down.Won ti shi calabash fun babaπ
DeleteMost broke men are loyal. You will get to know them when they have funds. Your husband is a classic example. You be the judge!
ReplyDeleteSorry, but such men rarely ever change. My late relative was like that. Even when the wife bought a land in Lagos back in the 70s or 80s, he made her sell it claiming dem no dey buy land for Lagos and squandered the money. He played pool a lot. They died penniless. Till today, the children feel the effect of their father's bad financial decisions.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that he's even cheating sef shows that he and his mother view you as their bank. If tomorrow, you don't have to give, they will dump you like hot coal.
So please, invest your money for your and your children. If he's serious, he'll go out and look for work to support his family. Don't be deceived.
Sad thing too is, women like you most often never learn until it is too late.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteTotally agree with this.
DeleteI'd say her best line of action is to think of the future of her children and make the best decision for them.
Becoming independent in today's world is no joke and every help you can afford your children to achieve independence is crucial
Single ladies, you see these men who say they can't work for somebody but are always looking to borrow money to enter business, AVOID them. Na so dem dey start.
ReplyDeleteUnrealistic
DeleteManipulative
Unintelligent
Shameless
Entitled
Selfish
Liabilities
Madam, hmmmm. Your husband has not changed. He is just putting up an act and u have fallen for his act. What a wawuuuuu
ReplyDeleteMadam is like you don’t know what you want to do with that 1m abi make I send you my business proposal and my aza
ReplyDeleteLong hisss
π€£π€£π€£π€£
DeleteAbi o, Madame incase the money is heavy in your hand...just lend us with interest.
You can give him if you have, but know this and know peace, he may squander the money again and go back to his old lifestyle. Please keep hiding your money from him and create a financial future for yourself and children.
ReplyDeleteDon’t give him any Kobo once a cheat is always a cheat, that is how they do when they broke
ReplyDeleteHate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think your husband has been maintains his sidechick hence his inability to account for his income and other borrowed sums.
ReplyDeleteWith regard to lending him money again, you have to but you will have to find a way to extract unwavering accountability from him. Of you have to go dey to his mother, do so; if there's anybody else he is accountable to that you are sure he'll listen to let the be his accountability partner.
However, make it known that you are only consulting external forces because you are afraid this money will go as others have gone.
The unfortunate truth is that you have married a wayward man and you will have to deal with his excesses.
Sorry and good luck going forward.
BTW: Instead of keeping your money in the bank where inflation will finish the value of the money for you, you can invest in a plot of land. There are lands of 800k with genuine documents and absolute security in authentic estates.
And the best part is you don't have to pay all the whole money at once. There are monthly payment plans if that would be more comfortable for you.
Don’t give Him! Let him work hard to earn it!! When he does he will be smart with it. Give him like 50k
ReplyDeletedon't give him what you dash him.
ReplyDeletefirst I am a man. I am just blown away by the audacity of and utter disrespect that some Nigerian men have for their wives for you to cheat. Madam, my first thought is that your husband has more than proven himself to be unreliability and unworthy of your help, why keep throwing pearls before a pig hoping that it will change. That said, I see a majority of the opinions here are to give him the money and suspect you are leaning that way even when he does not deserve a minute of your consideration. So my advice is that rather than give him the whole thing, give him about one third telling him you are borrowing to support him (note this is not a lie as you are borrowing from yourself) and fully expect to be paid back in say six months. Depending on how he handles what he has, will guide you on if he warrants any more help. My rant - you Nigerian women need to stop coddling all these men-children that refuse to grow up. there is nothing in the bible about being acceptable of irresponsibility all in the name of submission. Before you get to the part in the bible asking wives to submit to the husband, it asks us to walk not as fools, but wisely. Submitting yourself to your husband is not just blind but comes with the husband sacrificing for and loving their wives as Christ did for the church. If you are submitting and your husband is not returning love, then you need to borrow sense.
ReplyDeleteOil full your head.
DeleteBrilliant
Deleteπ
DeleteGiving him 1/3 will be setting him up to fail because the business demands more than that.
Delete22:55 'if the business requires more than that then he should go out and hustle for the balance instead of forming sober and waiting for someone to bring food and put it in his mouth' Foolish, lazy, financial bankrupt men.
Delete22.55 setting him up to fail indeed. Entitlement mentality.
DeletePoster you are a good woman, may God bless you always.
ReplyDeleteYou can assist him with the balance but do it as if you took a loan from your organisation or a corporations which he will start paying after 6 months.
If you want to know a loyal and responsible man wait till he is money. Never completely trust your husband cos at his present condition he knows he will.gwt you wirh think his nice attitude. He may change once money start flowing, that is why I want you to get documents showing you borrowed the 250k ans you will have to pay back so that you can see if he will be serious.
Never open up to him about your savings again, some men are not to be trusted. Don't think cos he didn't take his gf calls means he has stopped cheating wait till you give him that money and you will see the other size of him.
Involve some family members that he respect about the loan and the promise you made to repay the loan. Give him this one last chance and if he fails just lock up and face your son.
Hold your ears Never ever open up to your savings, start investing your money on things that will givw you money but do not do business that he will see you running else he will still do something qirh your capital.
May God give you more wisdom to handle your home.
Tell him you want to try your new place of work if they can give you a loan that you can be paying back monthly, wait for like 2 weeks, then tell him the loan has been approved. Give him the 250k, and tell him he will be the one paying back as soon as he started making profit.
ReplyDeleteOn posts like this, you will never see chike, Dante or ceaser.
ReplyDeleteIt is well.
Quiet laughter
DeleteEntitlement hates correction