Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
RELOCATING TO JOIN SPOUSE
Dear Stella,
Please help me post.
My husband lives and works in Europe, I and our child have been in Nigeria for two years since we got married.
Now our residency permit has been granted but I’m having serious cold feet to move.
I have a decent job here in Nigeria and I’m required to resign and move to my husband. I’m so scared of the uncertainty of starting over again. I have a BSC and MSC and 8 years work experience, in my early thirties too.
Dear Stella,
Please help me post.
My husband lives and works in Europe, I and our child have been in Nigeria for two years since we got married.
Now our residency permit has been granted but I’m having serious cold feet to move.
I have a decent job here in Nigeria and I’m required to resign and move to my husband. I’m so scared of the uncertainty of starting over again. I have a BSC and MSC and 8 years work experience, in my early thirties too.
My husband can take care of me till I find my foot. Yes he is a good man like that. But I’m already used to making my own money. How do I over come this fear?these days I’m so moody and I keep thinking if this is the right decision I’m making. Am I being stupid like this? Please advise me guys.
Thank you.
Thank you.
*This is a risk you have to take to find out if it was right or wrong. Everyone has different experiences, I had same fear before i relocated and things worked out well for me.. Dont be scared, be positive minded and hope for the best
My advice is that you join him as soon as you can...
All the best babe!
Madam, kindly join your husband. Please.... good afternoon
ReplyDeletePlease be positive and believe the best will come out of it.
DeleteFollow your heart,ma'am..
ReplyDeleteDear poster, everything will work out fine for you and your family
ReplyDeleteDon't be scared
Please be positive like Stella said,go and join him and you will be glad you did.i wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteThis should not be too difficult. I understand you fears of the unknown. However, you need to take a bold step of faith. You have said your husband is a good man and can provide till you find your feet. That should not be too difficult.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be alright
Join your husband madam. Nigeria can't be better than Europe
ReplyDeleteYoruba will say 'eni lori ko ni fila' abroad that some people wants and are praying for, you have it on a platter of gold and still confused😕
ReplyDeleteYou know what you want so go for whatever you desire...hmmm
Smh.
DeleteI live in Europe and I can tell you that it won't be easy but it will be worth it. For you to get a good job in Europe, you have to study there again. I had a Masters in Nigeria, I got here and had to do another masters and the masters here no be beans o.
ReplyDeleteNow there is the issue of Language, if you are relocating to a non english speaking country that is another headache. At the end of it all, it might take some years but you will eventually be fine. There is peace of mind and a system that actually works. One thing that helped me is joining an Expat group and interacting with other foreigners. It has helped my career a lot.
I don't understand the doing a masters again part unless your university's masters program was not accredited. I have friends who got very good jobs abroad using the same BSc and masters they got in Nigeria.
DeleteDid you ask them the job they use their masters to do?
DeleteOne chance.
ReplyDeleteHe should continue working there while you work in nigeria atkeast you sure of making something and not depend on anyone.when you both done and retired ? You can go over.
Adviser General
DeleteTAKR THE RISK!!!
ReplyDeleteI like that you already have your BSc, MSc and years of experience. Start applying for work over there. Check out LinkedIn, Glassdoor and Indeed.
Congratulations in advance.
or let me join him for you... what do you think? I go in your place... how you see am?
ReplyDeleteYou just have to talk yourself into positivity and go over to join your husband
ReplyDeleteIt's better you leave now you're given the opportunity and start looking for something doing while job hunting over there. Just think it through and pray you make the best decisions. All the best poster
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy to leave your comfort zone, that's what is happening to you. You already have a backbone, which will enable you to settle and find your feet comfortably. And is your marriage not your no.1 priority? Please join your husband with faith, and it will be a success for you and your family
ReplyDeleteYou better move out and let ur fears go on its own.
ReplyDeleteThings will work fine..ok..be positive
Poster you need to risk it.
ReplyDeleteExcept you don't value your man & your family.
Believe in yourself that you will be able to make the kind of success you have in Nigeria in the obodo oyibo or wherever your husband is.
It's all in your hands o. Trust God na
My sister please join your husband.
ReplyDeleteYou are in your 30's. Age is still on your side. As long as you are hardworking, you will be fine.
Jobs abound here. I am a testimony. My only fear is is it an English speaking EU country?
Please join him. You won't have regret
Your fears are valid. New culture, racial concerns, a child who needs to adjust, middle of Covid and health concerns, possibly needing to learn a new language. You have a right to be wary of leaving Nigeria at the times we are living in. There is no guarantee that your life will be better or you will be happier, so you are rightfully concerned.
ReplyDeleteSet some things in place so if you have to return back to Nigeria you don't have to start over from scratch. With your education and work experience you should be able to get work easily. Remember the family will be reunited and this is a positive for all concerned. Have a plan, will you be in this new place for a few years or is it a permanent home?
For now it’s a permanent home for us. And it’s non English speaking nah there headache dey. But I’m a smart woman,I made it in Lagos I will make it anywhere.thanks for your comment
DeleteHello Poster,
DeleteI was scrolling to drop a comment which is exactly what you typed: "If you can make it in Nigeria, you can make it out there"
It's going to bring new challenges (non English country plus Kids to cater to) so it won't be easy. But you can definitely do it. Just put your mind to it because there's no limit to what the human mind can achieve. Plus you have the support of a good man which is fantastic! Throw fear away babe; it's only an illusion. God will pave the way for you, amen.
Dear poster follow Stella advice, be positive minded and take a leap of faith, everything work together for good to them that loves God.
ReplyDeleteOr is it that one bobo is shining the congo here.
ReplyDeleteSome of you can never think beyond sex, never.
DeleteI’m the poster, no Bobo dey shine any Congo. I’m just a woman who has seen money she made herself. Sex is not eveything even though I like penis too
DeleteMadam, God will perfect it for you, just go.
ReplyDeleteMadam poster please by all means go to Europe. It will take time but here is definitely better than Nigeria! Your MSC and Bsc is not regarded here so have it in mind except you are a doctor or nurse even at that you need to learn a new language. It took my 2years to learn Swedish language. I am still looking for jobs despite living here for years. The only good side is that your children health and schooling is guaranteed. Free health care and school. My dear I am graduate with 2nd class upper and also a master degree holder in international relations yet I don't qualify for a job except in read, talk and understand Swedish so my dear language is the key to survive in whatever country you are going to in Europe. All the best in your relocation!
Delete@ Nkiru, I came across an article the other day about the Afroswede experience. What you have wrote was much of what was stated. I wish you all the best. Could doing a business of your own work out? Would you qualify to do a business, or you need special requirements for that too, even if it is an online business? What about working as a consultant, since you have African experience and you are well educated?
DeleteTo start a business here is not easy ooo! There is a lot of encouragement here to start business they will even give you loan to pay back once you start but can you sustain it? Your company will not pay tax for one year as encouragement but by the 2 year in business you start to pay heavy taxes. I think company tax here is the highest anywhere in the world! I thought of Ankara business but Swedish people are closed people I mean that they don't like anyone or anything to disturb their culture. They don't like to try new way of dressing and the weather here is mostly cold almost 8 months of the year so Ankara clothing is not ideal for this weather.I thought about cooking and selling Nigerian foods but I thought we are not many Nigerians in Sweden and Swedish people are not ready to try other cuisine except for Chinese food. As a consultant you must learn their language before they take you seriously. So please take the language seriously that is the key to the opening doors in Europe once you can read write,converse fluently you are good to go
DeleteEurope is really heaven to some people.
DeleteNkiru, thanks for the breakdown.
DeleteI guess that leaves you with doing a blog or You Tube channel, but blogging isn't what it used to be, and You Tube is more lucrative. I was also thinking about an import/export business but that may be difficult to maintain during Covid times due to the supply problems globally. You can also look at the non-profit sector, forming an organization to support African immigrants or any immigrant in general, or specifically focused on immigrant women. There are opportunities in the non-profit sector and it is something for you to look at too. You have direct experience as an immigrant and you would know how to help new immigrants. There are many grants available to non-profits and you can form a foundation/charity and be a beacon of hope for others while earning an income.
I didn't know Sweden was such an insular society. Scandinavia is always held up as a standard of forward thinking on the planet. I thought the culture would be more inclusive and open to other cultures.
All the best to you and your family. I always hate the thought of learning a language where only a few people in the world statistically speak. But your spirit is strong and you will come into your season when it is time. Stay strong and hold your head up!
Its actually something to be worried about though....until you take the bold step of faith , you won’t know what the future has for you... I wish you the very best poster.
ReplyDeleteYou're very correct just be positive and God will do the best for you.
DeleteBe positive,pray,believe in yourself,encourage yourself and go join ur husband.Most people go there without having anyone or relative,tho it’s not easy leaving for a future u are not sure of and a new environment but,u won’t know if it’s not worth it if u don’t try.May God see u through ❤️.
ReplyDeleteDear poster,
ReplyDeleteYour fears and concerns are very valid. It is not a easy decision to up and leave your good job to start all over. You have to look at the long term benefits of being with your husband in Europe: loving relationship with your husband, companionship, your kid growing up with her dad, expanding your family to have more children (if that is in your plans), future of your child(ren), better quality of life, better job prospects etc.
It takes time to settling in when you relocate to the Western world. The earlier you do so the better. With your husband already living there, he is your support system and that is better than relocating where you know no one.
Before you leave, do your research and have a plan of what you are going to do when you get there. Do not resign your job in Nigeria, take a leave of absence. You can resign when you get there and sure that everything will work out well.
Wish you the best.
Poster,
ReplyDeleteDo it in faith. I was in your position at one point in my life, so afraid to relocate to the US to join my husband. I had a decent job in 9ja, and a wealthy family so stability was not a concern for me. I struggled with the thought of relocating for so long that I even begged my husband to relocate to 9ja and be with me instead but he refused. Anyway, I reluctantly agreed and relocated. While in the US, I could not get my thoughts off the stability I had in 9ja and wanting to return to 9ja. E be like say 9ja jazz me ni because I kept thinking about returning home. I was not even thankful to God for giving me an easy entry to the US, safe flight, fast processing of my papers, getting my work permit and conditional green card on time, the blessing of a baby after 1 yr of marriage.
Grateful for nothing but regretting the stability I left in 9ja. The day I realized my ungrateful attitude and threw that thought of 9ja & stability in 9ja in the bin and then decided to stop looking back, my life started to have a gleamer of hope in the US. The point I'm at right now in my career in the US and the short time in which I got there, I could never have reached that height in 9ja in that same period of time. My life is a testimony and I owe it all to the Glory of God.
So, sister don't look back. Accept this opportunity with an open mind and trust God to allign the stars in your favor. Do you know how many people are waiting to get papers just to even join their spouse? For that alone, start thanking God and enter Europe with a grateful heart.
And if you're thinking US is different from Europe, I have the testimony of a friend in Europe. He worked in a bank in 9ja before relocating to join his spouse. Within one year of relocation, He got a job in a bank. He did not have to go back to school, his Nigerian banking experience is what he used. God will make a way, Poster. Just believe.
Please join your husband, I pray that things will work out for you over there.
ReplyDeleteI strongly believe you should join your husband and trust in God that all will be well. Its not healthy that you and him are living apart. Now that the documents are ready, please go and meet with him
ReplyDeleteThis issue is not that simple. You and your husband need to have a serious discussion. Here is the main point. Most of the people who relocated abroad did it for financial reason. How stable is your Naija job? If you get laid off, what is the probability of getting a similar job within a reasonable time?
ReplyDeleteBefore you can be in comparable financial level as you have in Nigeria, you'll need to upgrade your Naija University degrees. At 30 are you ready for this?
What is important is YOUR STATE OF MIND. Things are going to be tough but if your mind is in the relocation you will surely make it. You're from Naija now!!!. No looking back when the decision is made. Remember what happened to Lot's wife! It will take a couple of years to fully settle down with your full committment to the relocation. No blame games. So sit down with your husband and make a good plan. Good luck with your decision.
Have you discussed this issue with your husband; we are talking about husband here, not boyfriend or finace.
ReplyDeleteYou do not seem to like this man enough and you appear to be selfish and self-centered!
Didn't you know that he works in the UK when you agreed to marry him?
Why can't you both have same finances; as the two has become one or are you not?
Once one of the spouse begin to sing "my money, making my own money..." then the marriage is
tending towards co-habitation.
Take your Bible and read Genesis one to three and Mark 10 and Ephesians 5 and you will understand a bit about marriage.
Haba, see how you just jumped into conclusion of her not liking her husband and being selfish and self-centered. Will Jesus act the way you do?
DeletePoster, your concerns are valid, I was once in your shoes. You need to make the best decision for your young family, which is living together. Trust God to open doors for your family as you make the sacrifice to relocate.
This life no balance at all at all..
ReplyDeleteMa. My advice to you is to seek the presence of God first...table ur fear distress to him..him alone can solve ur problem...not mere human advice
ReplyDelete