CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 58

I promised to share what you are about to read.....

I have been seeing the Stella's singles mingle post for years but I barely opened it but on the September or so edition of 2020, I decided to try out of curiosity and boredom. 

At that time, I had been offshore for over 7 weeks.

The first thing that caught my attention was this lines that people always add while posting what they are looking for “I’m looking for something serious that may lead to marriage...”. 

I personally think that line and other similar statements like that portray some hint of desperation on the part of the poster. The simple fact of life and relationship is that not all relationships must lead to marriage. This statement already putting your potential suitor under pressure.

Another one is  “fuckboys and unserious people should stay off...”. 

I am like “Seriously?”. Who on earth will want to come at you like a fuckboy or an unserious person in the first place? This can only be determined after you have known the person. Writers of such comment only end up showing themselves as overly pompous and confrontational people who are full of themselves. I may be wrong on this.

The last which I find really amusing is “married men stay off or ''don’t contact me if you are married...”.

 It’s kind of funny because it was supposed to be a post for single folks; but we all know that some of us married folks nor dey hear word. We are just stupid like that.

I feel specifically instructing married men to stay off is not really necessary Because there are some married men who will deny being married just to get to you. So, it doesn’t really make any difference. Just allow whoever wants to contact you to do that. You will eventually find out if he is married or not. I don’t see any point in you stressing it.

After carefully reading through over 250 comments, I eventually chatted up about four of them. I specially contacted the ones that clearly stated that they were looking for friends. That was just what I was looking for then. I was also particular about their location so I stayed away from women within the Port Harcourt axis to avoid temptation of wanting to see them.


I also participated in the next edition and lost my taste for it after that. By that time the fun of it had worn off and I had returned back to my busy self hence didn’t have the time to keep such relationships.

I am still friends with two of them till this day but I only met one of the six persons I originally contacted on one of my trips to Lagos. The others I didn’t see. The irony of the whole thing was that it was the one that even resisted me initially as a married man that eventually started to have feelings.

Just a few lessons I learnt from the mingling experience...

First, do not go into the single and mingle exercise because you want to get married. It is a wrong mindset because smart people will take advantage of you. Rather go into it with the mindset of wanting to make friends and build relationships. Marriage will be a by-product of having such friendships.

Also, don’t assume that everyone that contacts you wants marriage even if you clearly stated it in your profile that you want “something leading to marriage”. The sad truth is that lots of men wants to sleep with you while for some few others, they just want online friends. While a limited number of men want marriage. It is what it is. Most men would rather marry women they meet physically. I stand to be corrected.

The point is, don’t see single and mingle as an avenue for seeking a marriage partner. See it as means of making friends. If marriage happens, that’s a bonus. If you approach it that way, chances are you are going to make more rewarding friendships out of it.


Secondly, People will always lie about who they really are most of the time. Before you start catching feelings, make sure you do your background checks on the person. Some of us are very sweet talkers, having captivating personality online; but in real life they are beasts.

One of my amazing so-called single friends I met on the platform turned out to be a married woman whose husband was abroad. She didn’t even know that I found out but I kept on with the friendship like I didn’t know before we eventually stopped talking.

So, don’t always believe what people say until you check them out

Thirdly, go into the single and mingle exercise with an open mind. Immediately I said I was a married man, a couple of people blocked me instantly. It was funny because as a married man, I can’t make friends? besides they weren’t patient enough to know what my true intentions were.

Lots of times, married men have helped many single ladies with jobs, financial supports and other forms of help. I have particularly helped a couple of ladies I met through that the Stella's singles mingles platform. I even patronized their businesses. I supported some with their rents and other financial issues.

Just because he is married doesn’t mean he wants to make you his side chick or wants to sleep with you and dump you afterwards, although it happens. But why not wait to find out. Besides we are all consenting adults and can always decide on what to do with ourselves.

As ridiculous as it may sound, lots of single ladies will learn a lot if they are friends with married men.

Lastly, there is a huge difference between online and real-life relationships. If you know you are already having feelings for someone you met online. Kindly make effort as soon as possible to see them. People often feel disappointed when they eventually meet people that they fell in love with online.

Don’t go falling in love with a voice or an online picture or video call person...you may be disappointed las las. Especially the ones looking for marriage. Take out time to meet and know the real person you are dealing with. E get why.

In all, I would say Stella's singles mingle was a huge learning experience and I made a very good friend from there and we are still cool till this day.


Happy new year!


Ciao!

*Hmmmmmmmm