Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 58

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Sunday, January 02, 2022

CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 58

I promised to share what you are about to read.....







I have been seeing the Stella's singles mingle post for years but I barely opened it but on the September or so edition of 2020, I decided to try out of curiosity and boredom. 


At that time, I had been offshore for over 7 weeks.

The first thing that caught my attention was this lines that people always add while posting what they are looking for “I’m looking for something serious that may lead to marriage...”. 

I personally think that line and other similar statements like that portray some hint of desperation on the part of the poster. The simple fact of life and relationship is that not all relationships must lead to marriage. This statement already putting your potential suitor under pressure.



Another one is  “fuckboys and unserious people should stay off...”. 

I am like “Seriously?”. Who on earth will want to come at you like a fuckboy or an unserious person in the first place? This can only be determined after you have known the person. Writers of such comment only end up showing themselves as overly pompous and confrontational people who are full of themselves. I may be wrong on this.


The last which I find really amusing is “married men stay off or ''don’t contact me if you are married...”.

 It’s kind of funny because it was supposed to be a post for single folks; but we all know that some of us married folks nor dey hear word. We are just stupid like that.

I feel specifically instructing married men to stay off is not really necessary
 Because there are some married men who will deny being married just to get to you. So, it doesn’t really make any difference. Just allow whoever wants to contact you to do that. You will eventually find out if he is married or not. I don’t see any point in you stressing it.

After carefully reading through over 250 comments, I eventually chatted up about four of them. I specially contacted the ones that clearly stated that they were looking for friends. That was just what I was looking for then. I was also particular about their location so I stayed away from women within the Port Harcourt axis to avoid temptation of wanting to see them.


I also participated in the next edition and lost my taste for it after that. By that time the fun of it had worn off and I had returned back to my busy self hence didn’t have the time to keep such relationships.

I am still friends with two of them till this day but I only met one of the six persons I originally contacted on one of my trips to Lagos. The others I didn’t see. The irony of the whole thing was that it was the one that even resisted me initially as a married man that eventually started to have feelings.


Just a few lessons I learnt from the mingling experience...


First, do not go into the single and mingle exercise because you want to get married. It is a wrong mindset because smart people will take advantage of you. Rather go into it with the mindset of wanting to make friends and build relationships. Marriage will be a by-product of having such friendships.


Also, don’t assume that everyone that contacts you wants marriage even if you clearly stated it in your profile that you want “something leading to marriage”. The sad truth is that lots of men wants to sleep with you while for some few others, they just want online friends. While a limited number of men want marriage. It is what it is. Most men would rather marry women they meet physically. I stand to be corrected.


The point is, don’t see single and mingle as an avenue for seeking a marriage partner. See it as means of making friends. If marriage happens, that’s a bonus. If you approach it that way, chances are you are going to make more rewarding friendships out of it.


Secondly, People will always lie about who they really are most of the time. Before you start catching feelings, make sure you do your background checks on the person. Some of us are very sweet talkers, having captivating personality online; but in real life they are beasts.

One of my amazing so-called single friends I met on the platform turned out to be a married woman whose husband was abroad. She didn’t even know that I found out but I kept on with the friendship like I didn’t know before we eventually stopped talking.

So, don’t always believe what people say until you check them out

Thirdly, go into the single and mingle exercise with an open mind. Immediately I said I was a married man, a couple of people blocked me instantly. It was funny because as a married man, I can’t make friends? besides they weren’t patient enough to know what my true intentions were.

Lots of times, married men have helped many single ladies with jobs, financial supports and other forms of help. I have particularly helped a couple of ladies I met through that the Stella's singles mingles platform. I even patronized their businesses. I supported some with their rents and other financial issues.

Just because he is married doesn’t mean he wants to make you his side chick or wants to sleep with you and dump you afterwards, although it happens. But why not wait to find out. Besides we are all consenting adults and can always decide on what to do with ourselves.

As ridiculous as it may sound, lots of single ladies will learn a lot if they are friends with married men.

Lastly, there is a huge difference between online and real-life relationships. If you know you are already having feelings for someone you met online. Kindly make effort as soon as possible to see them. People often feel disappointed when they eventually meet people that they fell in love with online.

Don’t go falling in love with a voice or an online picture or video call person...you may be disappointed las las. Especially the ones looking for marriage. Take out time to meet and know the real person you are dealing with. E get why.

In all, I would say Stella's singles mingle was a huge learning experience and I made a very good friend from there and we are still cool till this day.


Happy new year!


Ciao!




*Hmmmmmmmm

57 comments:

  1. What did I just read abi na my eyes dey pain me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually commend those that blocked you.
      They are women who know what they want, yes you may be seeking friends but they are also setting their own boundaries too which is commendable.
      It's not only about you, they also have a choice not to be your friend.

      Some women don't want married men as friends, what if they catch feelings? You will end up blaming them after you created the opportunity.

      About helping them, some are also comfortable and don't need your help.
      I hate when married men say they only wanted to be friends so they could help young ladies...uncle have you finished helping all the relatives in your family?
      Please let's call a spade a spade, human beings develope feelings when they meet and have like minded conversations...why create an avenue for temptations in the first place.

      Would you commend your wife if she reached out to single men just to quench her boredom?
      The painful thing is that you don't even know how selfish it is, so when you are done you stop communicating? what of the other person at the end of the line? no closure, nothing....

      Please men stop this, it is emotionally manipulative.

      Delete
    2. I couldn't type my disgust. Thank you push up

      Delete
    3. Thank you @push up!!
      The poster is an unrepentant womanizer, helper of women indeed.

      Delete
    4. Una never hear anything! Fake self-righteous single and married women here. I have similar experiences but will keep quiet. Most of you, married and single, insult married men here but sneak to hook up with them. Na who dem catch be thief.

      Delete
    5. I humbly disagree with almost everything you typed. There is nothing wrong with women stating what they want. However, there is everything thing wrong with you a married man forming friendships with people who do not want only friendship

      Delete
    6. @Push up thank you so much. You captured it completely

      Delete
    7. Chronicle man, nice one. How I wish some ladies would learn one or two from this.

      Delete
  2. So what was your reason for adding people from the single and mingle platform? You avoided stating that because I don't understand this your rigmaroling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Go back and read is write up, but I will save you the stress. His reason for adding people from the single and mingle platform was boredom. Also, he reached out to those who asked for friendship. I hope this helps.

      Delete
    2. No anon it doesn't help.
      He added people out of boredom and is pissed/surprised (I don't know) that people who stated they want a serious relationship blocked him?
      He's just rambling if you read between the lines of his written thesis.
      Ashewo man, 'helper of the helpless' mtscheew.

      Delete
    3. @anon,so only single female friends can quench his boredom?
      Why didn't he add males from the snm?

      Delete
  3. Oga, your talk no sweet Abey.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Stella let me follow you, hmmmmmmm....
    I hope your wife does not read this you wrote here. She's a very strong woman.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I follow you do hmmmm stella.

    ReplyDelete
  6. But the forum said SINGLE AND MINGLE....Bros ur way no pure at all...leave talk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Simple and short
      Mtchewww

      It's the nerve of telling women what not to put in their write ups.
      They said "married men stay off" because they know coconut headed men like him exist

      Delete
  7. Like seriously, this write up is making me vex, it's called single and mingle for a reason

    May be Stella will do a post for the married to mingle too...nonsense πŸ˜‘πŸ˜ΎπŸ‘ΏπŸ˜‘

    ReplyDelete
  8. People stated what they want to avoid long stories so this one no follow. Let people be and stick to their decisions.

    ReplyDelete
  9. ... married man, I like your column cos u dey tell them as e dey go, tho I'm NOT one of your protege and not one to live your lifestyle, but this particular post/advise no follow.

    I think the bible says "flee" from temptation. NOT "front" your temptation.

    We all know as men that even if our mind says "we no go f*ck that girl", if we no handle am well with enough discipline, we go still f*ck the same girl. Moreso, a loose n!gg# like you, that one no be discussion.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are a very arrogant man, I pray you do not come crashing from your high horse....smh...kmt

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed.
      That's why he is calling girls that ask fuck boys to stay away pompous, his type cannot stand rejection or women who know their worth.

      Delete
    2. Looks like BVs are squaring up to tell this man to his face who he really is.

      Delete
    3. Very arrogant!! I hope his wife wakes up and gives him double measure, pressed down and shaken together.

      Delete
  11. What the mouth doesn't intend to eat the nose should not smell. Married men helping single ladies my foot. Once the power equation is not balanced in a relationship/friendship, one party can take advantage of the other.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I agree with you in some part duo, I participated in mingle singles most of the guys are gold digger.
    imagine asking me how much is my salary ?
    Do I have a savings ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even if you have savings ,it st any of their business
      The worst golddiggers are male

      Delete
  13. imagine a guy asking me to send him urgent money in mingle singles, telling me a story of his life. He is popular here claiming that he is looking for a good wife and he is not doing anything for a living but want us to have a sex relationship, when the begging become too much for me , I just count my loss and block him.
    There are good guys in mingle singles too.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Before social media and blogs, we used to do pen pals or pen friends. Just neatly socialization without the chants of "marriage, marriage." One can maintain friends just to share stories from books read and general educating experiences. Yea, some did lead to marriage but that is not the motive. Those days; 70s and eighties, people had the reading culture.
    The desperation for marriage stems from, lack of mental cum emotional intelligence, greed and wanting to be like others. And once desperation sets in, there are errors and regrets. It was wrong for you to have actually participated in "singles and mingles" and I make bold to say the obvious. The ills however, is when married men string single ladies along and even promise them marriage just to have intercourse. In this case ladies have to be disciplined and faithful not to cheapen themselves. Maybe the posts should be modified to friendly interactions or another posts like that be made so as to exclude the confusion of married impostors and desperate ladies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Clearly stated. You do not come to equity with soiled hands. You cannot go to SM and come to criticize those who are there to mingle. Ladies want to get married and it is not a crime or sin. It is what God created in us.

      Delete
  15. All me I know is that I can't enter a post for single people as a married person. If you don marry stay ya lane abeg

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh! This man. May God forgive you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen ooo... useless write up,it's called single and mingle and not married and mingle

      Delete
  17. It's like a lot of commentators here don't read to understand. Or read and cloud their comments with emotions. The writer was CLEAR about his intentions, and UPFRONT about his status. What's so difficult to logically understand this?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The fact that it's called SINGLE and Mingle nullifies his so called intentions and being upfront. He shouldn't be there in the first place. Eod.

      Delete
    2. You are new here i guess? Well!!!! Dont stress your self just read and move, because if you like talk from now till next tomorrow na their way here. Is it the same s&m that a lot of married women from this blog participate looking for friends, but now they want to crush him for saying the truth, the kind of hatred una get for this man i no understand seriously.

      Delete
    3. Last born, nobody hates him but being self righteous when you know you have a negative intention is irritating!!! If you participate in SM to see if any babes will fall for you DESPITE BEING MARRIED, own it with your full chest, not giving stupid advice.

      Delete
  18. This is DOUBLE STANDARD IN THE HIGHEST

    ReplyDelete
  19. I like the write up.I Understand your point clearly.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ogbeni, it's called SINGLE AND MINGLE, not MAKING FRIENDS. You have no business being there. How many single females have you helped in real life? Dem don finish? Nonsense.

    Kudos to those of you who blocked him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes kudos to those ladies...principled. why should i be making friends witha married man. This man is very unserious

      Delete
  21. I think the only thing I can pick from this write up is the fact that when sending a post for the single and mingles,just have it at the back of your mind that all and sundry will contact you,it's behoves on you then to weed the ones you do not want.
    I have met some very amazing persons here that I'm still friends with as I always request for friends.
    Mr Chronicle,the consensus today is that you are arrogant.
    Reply us na

    ReplyDelete
  22. This man said the truth and you guys are bashing him. for the married women that sleep around with guys from the blog and also send nudes to them,especially in Lagos, just know that the guys have casted y'all with your real names. but those in the know re just keeping quiet in order to protect your marital home. This is 2022, if you don't amend your ways, I might be forced to spill. ashawo kill una, stay single if you want to be a hoe

    ReplyDelete
  23. See all the gbas gbos bros is collecting chaiii... Make una take am easy na. Epele sir !

    ReplyDelete
  24. I can see some BVs saying the man shouldn't be attacked for saying the truth.What "truth" please?!The forum was clearly tagged as "Single and Mingle" for a reason!What are you,a married person,doing there?The fact that you are even trying to justify your actions,leaves a sour taste in the mouth..I'm a happily married woman,and I would not be caught there..

    ReplyDelete
  25. Im a married woman, but I've made wonderful friends from snm, we chat advice each other,so there's no big deal here,so far there's boundaries.I've got 3 cool friends from here,and we've been friends for almost 5 years,all married

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Na wa o so single and mingle has become married and mingle onroute friendship Abi

      This life no balance

      Delete
    2. Una hear am from Anon 22.02? Make una continue to dey bark. There are a lot of married women who are bored with their marriages and looking for adventure, who participate in SnM. Make una dey there! I will respect the privacies and confidence reposed in me and not reveal the almost 5, I have been intimate with. Pls don't crucify the poster.

      Delete
    3. Smh. Na from clap e dey enter dance. It is SINGLE and Mingle, jeez.

      Delete
  26. You cannot shame the shameless sha...

    ReplyDelete

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