Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 61

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Sunday, January 23, 2022

CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 61

There is a young lady I was talking with some time last year. She was doing her national service then .I met her while I was trying to renew my passport. She is a young and pretty lady in her prime.










She said she didn't have time for men now, that she just wanted to build her career and get something doing. She said she didnt want to live her life depending on any man.....

I told her that having a healthy relationship wouldn’t stop her from doing that...


 “I don’t know about that, all I know is that I don’t want to be distracted by any man and I definitely don’t want any relationship wahala at this moment”. She countered.

Oftentimes, this comment has been a sort of national anthem to young ladies these days. This is more common among the ones who probably had gotten their heart broken from previous relationships or feels that they really don’t need a man in their lives. For some others, it just gives them some form of power and a feeling of being independent and woke.

I get it that being in a relationship requires some form of commitment and could be distracting if not properly handled. Some people even got into depression and some form of other issues like getting pregnant as a result of such relationships. So, I get their point.


I, however do think that lots of them are missing the point about relationships. They feel a relationship is an event that just happens whenever you want. Or that they have to be mentally and emotionally ready for a relationship to happen and be successful. The truth is that you will never be ready.


This leads to unnecessary pressures on them by the time they start getting older and feel that they are ready to have a relationship or even want to get married. This leads to some form of desperation and inevitably leads to making mistakes.

People need to realize that being in a relationship is part of life when you get to certain age. It shouldn’t stop you from doing any other things, rather it is part of what makes life wholesome. You have to have meaning relationships to have a balanced life overall.

Good relationships, like every other time in life, takes time and effort to build. And most times, it takes going through a series of bad partners to know or even get a good one. You will not even know what a good partner should be like if you haven’t tasted a bad one.

We can all attest to this from our first love experiences. Most people thought their first love was the best thing to ever happen to them. We were obviously inexperience and thought that we would die if we break up with them. We did stupid stuffs just to keep such relationships going. Oh! How I used to have issues with mum because of my secondary school sweetheart. The crazy things I did.


Some ladies have this opinion about the time that they will be “ready” to have or be in a relationship. Some even wait the time they get married before learning basic relationship skills and how to deal with a man. By this time the stakes all already too high and marriage is not a place to start doing experiments.

So, my question is, if you don’t date, how will you learn, how will you grow or even understand certain things about relationship, talk less of marriage?

Some years ago, a family friend of ours got married and left with her husband to the UK. She got married as a virgin and that was her first relationship before marriage. She didn’t know what heartbreak felt like, she has never been cheated on before and she was basically clueless about a lots of stuffs.

When the husband cheated on her the first time, she literally went mad that she almost committed suicide. It took the intervention of the whole family to get her back to normal. They had to call the husband and begged him to take it easy on her and consider her emotional fragility. It took years of constant mentoring from her mum to make the marriage work. Sometimes, her mum had to visit her in the UK to ensure that she was doing ok.

Young ladies need to be deliberate about relationships. There are lots of hardworking and smart young ladies these day who a seemingly lonely. I know this because I have seen and even dated some before. They need to consciously seek out meaningful relationships and see it as part of living,

The bitter truth is that heartbreaks and other negative aspects of relationships abound; and nothing is going to change that, whether they decide to date or not. But the more open and strategic they approach it, they better they will become at it and the better their chances of getting a better partner.

Also, whether you admit it or not, women do have a biological clock. And it keeps ticking. Young ladies need to realize that time is never going to wait for them to achieve all their goals. 

Age is always going to play a major role when a man is trying to choose a life partner.

We can all claim that age is just a number and it doesn’t matter. But the reality is staring at us all in the face. We all know the truth. Let’s try to lead a balanced and robust life.

You don’t have to block a particular aspect of your life because you want to build the other. Everything has to go together. That’s what make the perfect person.

Lastly, stop this whole nonsense of “I don’t need a man”. You damn well know you need one in your life. Just own up to the truth and be a happier person. The fact that you are even gay or a lesbian is a reflection that you need someone in your life, own it.

Ciao!

 



*SMH

53 comments:

  1. Mr married Man can you write something on how we can start investments or venture into crypto urgency,or how to get into oil company.Nigeria is getting tougher. Leave women alone for now.thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "She said she didn't have time for men now, that she just wanted to build her career and get something doing." Mr. Married man, were you trying to toast this young lady in her "prime"? What necessitated this response???

      Delete
    2. Oga whether they are lonely or not isn't any of your business. You Thai is married and looking outside, aren't you lonely?

      Delete
    3. I just had a good laughπŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚

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    4. Poster, Those female Engineers and Geologists you see on the rig, don't you aspire for your daughter to command such respect while earning more then some family men from the education you funded? Why would you try to dissuade a young lady from focusing on having her own money? Are you a roughneck or a roustabout?

      Delete
    5. Anon...best laugh. Una no go make me faint for hia. Hahaha hah

      Even Lionesses dey vex when dem see Lion (their boo) with another pack's Lioness. Let alone humans.

      If not the way some men treat the women, some women won't be singing it like national anthem.

      Delete
  2. Hahaha sdk which one be SMH, some of what he said is true. We all need someone in our lives either husband's, children, friends, parents, we need some or all of them. And thumbs up to ladies who are able to balance career and marriage from a young age. Some marry early, raise the kids to some age then go back to their career. Some face career all through their 20s and early 30s and then marriage and raising kids and juggling the career through the later part of their live.s
    Whichever works for you pls do.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Absolutely Truthful. Everything boils down to all involved to make it happen.

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  4. The ladies that say; "I don't need a man, I am not desperate, I can dispense with men..." They are the
    Desperate ones
    The most in need
    The ones that consider men indispensable.
    And really, who is wiser that God that said that "it is not good for man to be alone?" And by deductive reasoning, it means that it is not good for the woman to be alone either.
    God made marriage for companionship but a lot of ladies have converted it to escape route from poverty.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think Stella posting your write up has made you feel like you are smart but half the time your write ups are shit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please send in your own. It won't hurt you.. Also do yourself a favour and stop reading the column to avoid heart attack..



      Lovelace

      Delete
    2. Please send in your own. It won't hurt you.. Also do yourself a favour and stop reading the column to avoid heart attack..



      Lovelace

      Delete
    3. @Lovelace
      Truth pains. Why do you think Stella shook her head to this article?

      Delete
    4. I don't know you can tell me dear..



      Lovelace

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    5. @Lovelace
      It's because he was brazenly arrogant and senseless.

      Delete
    6. How do you reason? Because you dont like his write up doesn't mean others dont. This is a public domain and people with different ideas and mentality come here to learn.
      What makes you think you can do better as a writer? or na you smart pass?

      Delete
    7. Well said anon. Same thing I posted. I was about to ask when this column will be discontinued but decided not to so Stella won't find it offensive. I open his posts believing that this blog may have influenced him/given him sense but it gets worse. Thank God for Kunle's column. That's the quality of writing this blog deserves.

      Delete
    8. Anon take ya time o in Jenifa's voix, encourage him first before bashing him.

      If you don't like it, jump and pass nah.
      You can disagree with him but don't abuse him. I like reading his write up.

      Delete
  6. Hahahahahahahaha .... Stella had to shake her head this time around. Lmao......

    ReplyDelete
  7. You don't tell people what they need in their lives because you are not them.
    Our peculiarities play a role in determining what means the most and matter to us. If a young girl decides that being in a relationship is the least of her troubles at a particular time, you can't impose what you think she needs at that time on her because it is not your life to live. We have all been given the power of choices, let everyone make theirs and if they make mistakes while going for those choices, they learn from it and become better.
    And who says because a person married as a virgin that's why she couldn't deal with heartbreak when her husband cheated on her? Seriously??? So the more experienced you are in relationships, the lesser the heartbreak when it comes?
    Please tell me about it...



    Twins Squared.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did he impose anything on you. He writes based on his life experiences and what he has observed , read and heard from friends and families. At no point since the column started did he give the impression that bvs must accept everything he says as the ideal. There are no ideal situations in life. Yes, he moved from his core purpose, when he started the impression was that he was going to restrict himself to marriage based on his personal experience

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  8. "Also, whether you admit it or not, women do have a biological clock. And it keeps ticking. Young ladies need to realize that time is never going to wait for them to achieve all their goals"

    Factual!!!

    It took my ex a whole lot of courage to open up to me. Each time she calls me on phone, she will say, there's something I want to tell you and she will end up not saying anything. She did this over four times and one day I called her and tell her why not tell me you are getting married? I just assumed and she responded YES. I almost collapsed that day. This is a woman I've lived all my life for. We had been through everything in life. We dated for long with the hope fortune will smile on us soon and we settle down.

    She told me it wasn't her mind but she's growing old each passing day and that the mother and family pleaded with her before she gave in to the man. She begged me never to end communication with her even after getting married, infact that we should still be the very best of friends. That she will never be happy if I didn't come to her wedding. Emotional blackmail right?

    I didn't blame her but was rather happy with her. It was all my fault not meeting up on time even when she told me to impregnate her so it will be easy for us. But that's not the way I want to get married I told her.

    "You know love is real when you just want them to be happy..... Even if you aren't part of their happiness." If only she had waited a little while and now that I'm ready.

    Looking back now, all I will say is that, Life sometimes isn't fair I must be candid here. Sometimes dreams fades away and may never come through in life. I've moved on but still feel this emptiness within.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fill the emptiness and move on, she was never yours.

      Delete
    2. Alexander πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

      Delete
  9. All I can say is that a man or woman need to have achieved something tangible that can enable them stand on their own before getting attached to someone in form of a relationship, else some distractions from it may hinder them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't mind the man. People like him are destiny destroyers and I pray that lady sticks to her plan and achieves her target by God's grace. Instead of being impressed that the lady is focused on becoming something and not become a leech to a man, he wants her to get into a relationship so she can handle future heartbreak better? Lol

      People like him are threatened by a successful and independent woman. No be here we read wetin him and his wife do their friend wey wan marry such lady? Dey say her eye too open. Any woman without financial/career ambition before getting into a relationship or marriage should be ready to chop any sh*t dished.

      Delete
  10. Poster, let people be

    Somethings you said are true but you have to learn to respect peoples wishes. Life is curveball and we learn everyday.We are all different,when i had a major heartbreak i was not in the mood to be in a relationship and i felt that way for 2 years. If i had gone into a relationship,the guy will have been on the receiving end for nothing he knows nothing about.Many people were unhappy with for not moving on quickly and not having plan B too.We are different, We heal differently. Moreever in this part of the world, we are our own therapist. Mental health is not addressed properly. Nothing everyone can switch off and on at the same time.What about ladies who crave relationships and nothing is happening.

    Heal at your pace.
    Know what works for you.

    Tee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. " We are our own therapists# Simplistic generalisation. You are your own therapist.

      Delete
  11. Your ego and hubris are so outstanding. You assume that you are a relationship lawmaker right? And that everybody's experience does not matter but yours? My husband cheated and my marriage did not break. I married as a virgin and he cheated, yes. He cheated with my best friend and that makes it even more hurtful. But my marriage did not break nor did I break. He was repentant and I forgave him. Life goes on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He expressed his views, nobody says you must accept his views

      Delete
    2. And I expressed mine and nobody says you should accept mine either. This blog is big enough for all to air their views and for intelligent critic

      Delete
    3. See her jumping all over the post without even saying anything constructive.. I'd like you attack all he said with a sensible comment or critic intelligently. Alas who is now arrogant and senseless...



      Lovelace

      Delete
    4. @Lovelace
      Are you so blinded by hate to know that you are the jumping one, all over the place?

      Delete
    5. 'Your ego and hubris are so outstanding. You assume that you are a relationship lawmaker right?'
      I guess the above is what you term intelligent critic?

      I can't recall being forced to read the column, if you so hate his stance and opinion, WHY always reading his piece???
      You can post your comment without throwing tantrum or better still, you can ask Stella to be publish your article/column as e easy!

      Let's stop this our pull him down syndrome!

      Delete
    6. Read it, take the good ones and drop the senseless ones, don't abuse him.

      Delete
  12. Now send this write up to your daughter 😁
    It also means, if you meet someone that is good in bed, he or she must have had lots of practise. Kudos to who ever taught them how to roll d waist u are enjoying😁

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Original ShugarGirl24 January 2022 at 06:47

      πŸ˜πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

      Delete
  13. Anon 13:46 are you sure you did not break? Today is Sunday oo, dont lie. Your best friend ke

    ReplyDelete
  14. In summary: you can't go to the University and focus solely on your academics, you'll most likely become a social misfit, same if the reverse is done. Women saying the above usually end up disgruntled, dissatisfied and disillusioned. Unable to fit even when the relationship is dropped into their lap on a good platter. Balance is very necessary.
    This new age mantra of 'its their choice' is rubbish i.m.o. If all choices were respected and left alone, we'll all come out of school with a First Class. Experience is the best teacher but it never was written that it must be Personal experience.
    Achieve balance biko, so we can have less chronicles and less Enlightening posts from successful celebs.
    We all need somebody.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Why is daddy Alexander all over this post?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Because they are both cut from the sane cloth. Patriarchal,masochistic, indisciplined men

      Delete
  16. I think u are really pained that the lady didn't accept your lies

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you, House of Janey! He was looking for a side chick and the responsible girl no gree!

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    2. I think most people on this blog don't read to understand... Where did the writer criticise anyone? Make una try read the write-up again.

      Delete
    3. It really hurts him when a lady knows what she wants and isn’t easily distracted and desperate to hook herself to a married man, na so he analyze SDK SM saying people should stop saying “f**k boys should stay away”, after Stella the organizer specifically instructed people to state their spec.

      Oga Married Man, these write ups are becoming IRRITATING!!! Focus on teaching upcoming men how to manage their homes and leave single ladies alone, wish them well on their journey as only those wearing the shoes knows where it pinches.

      Delete
  17. 🚢🚢🚢🚢🚢

    ReplyDelete
  18. 🚢🚢🚢🚢🚢🚢

    ReplyDelete
  19. 🚢‍♀️🚢‍♀️🚢‍♀️🚢‍♀️🚢‍♀️🚢‍♀️🚢‍♀️

    ReplyDelete
  20. Why are people attacking the writer of this column?

    We should let him be.

    ReplyDelete

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