Doctor Freaks Journal - Wetin Musa No Go See For Gate?

Permit me to start on a lighter note. In the Nigerian Pidgin parlance there is a popular saying that goes thus: "wetin Musa no go see for gate?" It is a good example of euphemism. There is no better time to use this expression than when you feel slighted but just let it slide.

2014:


I had just resigned from a plum job and I was trying to set up my private practice. I had no office space, worked from "my car" and home. Things were tough but I was resilient. 

My mobile phone became my most treasured asset. I neither ignored nor missed any call. Every call was vital because you never can tell. I think I was driving home from Igbosere when my mobile phone rang around 1st Roundabout, Lekki and behold it was from an old client/friend.

 Good man! 

He was full of ideas and he was gifted with a sugar-coated tongue. He could talk anyone into keying into his numerous visions effortlessly. He was precise, his godfather/chairman had just fired his lawyer of several years and he sought a replacement and my name came handy.

 Was I excited? Yes and no. He had initiated several transactions and meetings before this and none had actually materialised but I was still willing to give this a shot. He invited me over to his "chairman's house" and we got down to business.

 Mr Chairman had several houses and over ten cars and a lot of "boys" and praise singers. He liked me at first sight and we struck a deal. I was to be his lawyer and the terms and conditions were to be agreed ASAP. Meanwhile, we never got to discuss same till date. Mistake no. 1.


His strategy was not new though. My friend, the one who brought me in was the "catcher," interestingly. He kept on telling me good things about his "chairman", "lawyer, see don't place money first before this man oh. He is a nice man, he changed his former lawyer's car 5 times, just exercise patience". I fell for it because my car was the one driving me at the time and I was looking forward to receiving at least a better car from my new high networth client.


The jobs started rolling in. I was drafting deeds of assignments and contracts of sale on a weekly basis and I wasn't getting paid because my gratification was deferred. You needed to have seen the way I was awaiting the arrival and delivery of my car gift. "Mugu like me!"

"73-year-old man, you be mumu" in the voice of the Niger-Delta warlord.


Then, there came the twist. He had collected money from so many clients but the land he purportedly transferred to them all happened to be encumbered. There were lots of them and each time they approached him he would simply direct them to me without any prior disclosure. He would give them my no and would be like "talk to my lawyer". I was forever ready to sweet talk them into at least delaying the process of reporting his unwholesome activities to law enforcement agencies. 

The process continued for months and in all of this, my integrity was constantly on the line and the painful aspect of it is that the victims always believed me, meanwhile dude was just leveraging on my little PR and he was not even paying me!


I was in this unholy union for 11 months and I'm not sure I earned more than 200k. My "friend" had a way of charging me up each time he suspected any decline in my zeal by coming around to say please don't tell Chairman that I hinted you oh, he's ordered your Lexus 470 and another Mazda, all for you for your great efforts.


The cruise continued until one fateful day when I was invited by "our Chairman" to meet with a family over a land matter. It was a vast parcel of land and I gathered that he was to be compensated with 100 acres of land if we won the case in court, and not at a family meeting oh. I was to be the sole counsel in the matter but he had promised to "settle the judge" with 30 acres.

 (Please note that the writer cannot verify the authenticity of his claim).

 Throughout the briefing session, nothing was said about my fee or any form of compensation to accrue to me. 

At some point, he asked me to excuse them and return to Lagos but promised to give me a call later. He failed to call but I picked up my mobile phone and rang him up. Behold, he picked and I confronted him with my demand, ''Chairman sir, what is my fee for handling this brief?'' He wasted no time. He muttered something under his breath and I later gathered that what he was offering me was 3 plots. A plot of land around that axis at the time was in the region of N5million to N7million.

 I pressed the red button and that was the last conversation I ever had with Mr Chairman. I still have the documents handed over to me in my office. I was to get 3 plots out of 600 plots!


In life, nothing good comes easy. As an entrepreneur, especially in Africa a million or more out there would naturally want to take undue advantage of you at every stage of your development. In most cases what can you do? Just learn the ropes, but remain firm.

 It is not going to last forever. Today, if you have any brief for me, the first thing we would talk about is my fee. The artisans have been able to master this since the Dark Ages. The so-called professionals have a lot to learn from the artisans.

Happy New Year! Wishing you all a prosperous year ahead.

stay safe

its Kunle!