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Thursday, February 24, 2022

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

 Hmmmm...




STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

A STORY TO LEARN FROM...



The date was February 19,2022 and the time was 01:19am 

I don’t know what woke me up from sleep. I tried to sleep but thoughts came to my mind and told me to tell this story of me. Why? I can’t say.

 I am one who likes to keep my stuff personal but was disturbed to tell this story.


 Six years ago, I was 33 years old. All my thoughts was getting married and settling down. Most of my friends were married, even my sister was. I was literary begging the guy I was dating then to marry me.


 Looking back, it was clear it was a one-sided love but I didn’t care. I was ready to go all in despite the red flags. The time was clicking fast, I didn’t want to be an old hag, I have to get married before I was 35. That was my only goal…Get Married. 


My options weren’t much due to my ethnicity and my religious beliefs and of course I wanted to marry from my tribe…. A proper Yoruba Man. But God got me, Oluwalotoyin. 

This guy dumped me. 

The way he did was the most embarrassing moment of my life. He had to call in his sister to witness the breakup. I did truly deserve that embarrassment because I had lost myself, my esteem in the relationship.

 Today, I am still unmarried but at a better place. Over the years, I had to rebuild my confidence and my goal. I have come to have a better understanding of what I want in a partner and marriage and not ready to settle for less. 


With God’s grace, I have been blessed to becoming the man I wanted to marry in terms of value, moral, financial status and spirituality and YES, I am dating but not losing myself and not pushing to be married. I am living the day and moment as it comes. I am a firm believer of marriage and family and I am positive that I will have a family of my own. 


I’m no longer bothered about side talks and gossips; I have cut off friends and family members who all they ask when I am with them is OKO NKO? I had very bad experience especially from family members, I have had those who say to my face I have a bad character and that’s why I’m not married. 

Some say, I’m greedy and looking for a rich dude. Only if they knew how these guys milked me financially. 

I’ve had friends who have stylishly told me to reduce my options and start looking towards widowed or divorced men. Their talks don’t bother me, I just laugh and thank them for their concern. 


There was an incident that whenever I remember, I still chuckle. I got a call in the wee hours of morning from one of my married friends. I was busy having a swell time but had to pick the call while at it because I was concerned, she was calling that early.

 I picked and she said she couldn’t sleep all night because she was thinking about my unmarried status. It was very funny, bothering over the unbothered. 


Lessons I have learned these past years, live and love but do not lose yourself.

 Don’t force it especially when it’s love matters. If you’re not appreciated, learn to walk away and not be bitter. In my circle, who I have now are people who ask me about my personal development and pursue me to be better. I am truly enjoying my life now, living a stress-free life, a big mum to four lovely kids who brighten my world and yeah…I’m now choosy and won’t settle for less.



I guess you have learnt how to love yourself and listen less to pressure from others....

Thanks for sharing your story.... I hope someone learns from this.

67 comments:

  1. Thanks it just inspired me. This thing feeling call love can mess one up sha. Have been there not easy. But thank God for everything it's all I say everyday. So poster thank you so much. I'm uplifted

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    Replies
    1. I have to be the only one who don't feel bad if people ask me how far with a good thing they expected to have happened for me. For me I see it as care. The fact that they ask to my face and offer ideas and prayers, to me it's encouraging that I am not alone. I didn't marry early too and when I did, I was happy when even my MD, my HR, superiors at the office would call and ask how far with babies within the first 12months. They all said see, you have given this bank the best of your youth please make sure you build your family. When I eventually had a baby, they celebrated and told me OYA O, NEXT BABY FAST FAST. And another came. Same with associates and friends and family. I never felt bad that they are pressuring me. Poster, if they don't ask you to your face, they are definitely thinking it or talking behind. It's part of the self-esteem building when you are able to not over think a sincere good-will and kind concerns. You need to get to the point where you quite thinking the world is filled with enemies who are out to laugh at you. That's not true. Be careful so you don't cut off people who genuinely love you.

      I wish I can type more but Kai...I am busyyyyy.

      Delete
    2. Thank you so much. My case I don't feel that way even when I had break up my family stood by me and my mom was everything.aaked me to hand everything to God that if it's good to God that it should also be good to me same with few friends too so I'm glad everything is turning and changing for me good and all I say thank you Lord.

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    3. You say wetin?? No saphire. Not all will deal with that type of pressure. It’s too much abeg. Imagine someone asking you all the time when you’re already stressed about the situation. It definitely makes the matter worse. I don’t agree to this your comment abeg. I feel stressed just reading how they stressed you out to have babies. Live and let live and plan when you want to have your babies.

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    4. Anon 19:19, I didn't like such questions when I was single as well and I started presenting myself in such a way that nobody is familiar enough to ask me such, no kids yet and no questions, just brush off the few concerns my family members have voiced out.

      Delete
  2. I am glad that you discovered yourself. May God grant you your heart desires. Live and love 😍

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  3. My dear poster eh, I just love you for this. You are too much. but, pls try and get preggy and have your own two kids since you're dating someone. just be a blood mum pls.
    As a married woman, my prayer is if there's a next world and i come back; walahi, I WON'T MARRY, aswear. i need to be free from hubby wahala, in-law wahala etc. i will just get preegy; and have my two kids by God's grace.
    fellow bvs, if una like crucify me, na una sabi. I'm talking from my experience. woman that are not married are enjoying aswear.
    madam pls become a baby mama jor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 15.16 May God grant your marriage sweetness and fulfilment.

      I will say this in anonymous, that my marriage is the best decision I ever made. I have experienced much more joy and fulfilling companionship than I fantasized about when I was single. I marriage I have experienced love both in receiving and giving than I never knew I had capacity for.

      Marriage is beautiful and I pray it for all who desire it.

      Delete
    2. And what about the kids? Do they not deserve to have a father? So you don’t care if it leaves a void in their heart which leads to choosing the wrong men/women, self esteem issues, etc…Some of you women are just so so selfish I swear. Next time choose wisely before rushing into a marriage. Besides marriage is also Gods plan.

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    3. I am married and have it so beautiful too. My husband is God's gift to me. If you are having kids outside of marriage by sleeping with a man, you are directly opposing God's laws and it is a painful path in life. Desist.

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    4. Madam, motherhood is more important than marriage

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  4. Try to have kids even if you don't get married now.... cos honestly children is the objective of most marriages now

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    Replies
    1. True. Children are gifts from God you tend go see you replica and you're happy. It wipes away some memories that's how I see it sha

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    2. I'm telling you. I'm a bank teller and there's this older woman that usually comes to withdraw money. She gave me her phone to help her check if her daughter sent her money (she is not tech savvy). I open the credit alert msg and it has the description "withdraw all the money and have fun, you're such a sweet woman". My heart melted. God pls open the womb of ttc women. Every woman deserves children abeg.

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    3. @17:41
      Every woman deserves a sweet husband like I have; the father of those sweet kids. That is how God made it.

      Delete
  5. The last time I was in a relationship was 2016.

    Currently, I am 31 and not seeing anyone. Only on Monday this week did someone I least expect tell me that I am not ashamed of myself...that at age 31 I am still unmarried. I won't lie, it hurt. Over the weekend, another suggested that I dress sexily and do away with the "serious dressing" just to see if I can attract a guy at least. Let's not talk about the nasty experiences the times I participated in SnM.

    When it comes to dating in this Lagos, person has seen it all. If there's a prayer I pray every day, it's that let me not reach the stage where I would either be desperate or frustrated. Two of my exes have mocked me for being unmarried but still life goes on.

    Op, thank you for this chronicle. It has reinforced a lot of what I have believed in still. I tell myself everyday that I want love and a committed relationship that would lead to marriage in the future. If it doesn't happen...life still goes on. What haven't I been called as far as this whole shindig is concerned but then again.....we move.

    All I will tell you OP and anybody else who reads this and feels like she has reached her breaking point is that God makes things beautiful in his time.

    Ka Chineke Mezie Okwu.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. We will continue to uplift one another. My dear is not easy that's all I can say abeg

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    2. 15.29 are you for real? You sound like this in 2022 where age 31 is the new 21? Are you sure you are not exaggerating? If really there are people mocking you for being single at 31 then I believe you are not mixing with the right minds.

      At 31, girl you are fly! Your are at your prime and hottest; don't even let any stupid person make you feel old at all. Date jor! Have fun and don't hesitate to kick any oloriburuku to the garbage and keep it moving. Your energy should be going to building your career/business so you are at the same level with the kind of man you wish to marry.

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    3. Try to dress in a sexy way, wear short dresses, off shoulders, tight clothes etc so you would look younger

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    4. I'm also wondering if she met she is 41 because 31 is really the new 20. In this new era where a lot of women are looking for freedom to explore the world and make impacts. Lol! I am 31 and living my best life.

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    5. Aunty do away with you serious clothes abeg and dress nicely! I’m not saying like an ashewo person but come on nawwww. Look sexy so you can also attract better man/people in general

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  6. I got to 35 and decided to have a child with one partner, told him I dont have the stamina for marriage, he agreed, we have been coparents for 21yrs, d children bear his name and we are still together, not living together, the difference is, he is not my husband, but my lover, he then changed and said he wants marriage, I refused, he went ahead and married another. He is giving d lady serious headache coz he has refuse to commit to her, he still spends time at my place. Prior to this he introduced d girl to me as his wife and me as the mother of his kids, now its fights between them everyday to d point I had to travel out to give them space. At this stage of my life, I thank God I dont have a husband, all i have are my 4 kids and an occasional male nuru massage therapist, this life is good. I cannot and will never cut him from our kids, his wife should make peace with that, that's all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for sharing. Whatever works for you and you're comfortable my dear do u

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    2. Anon 15 30
      You have been co-parents for 21 years and you are 35, I don't understand you first gave birth at 14?

      Delete
    3. Thanks for sharing.
      And how about God, do you think about him at all?
      How about eternal life; do you make plans about that at all?

      Delete
    4. Anon,15:30 meaning you guys are still having sex even though he's married!
      ? Why don't you just move on since you don't want to marry him. You guys can just co parent without having sex naa. You are hurting his wife..

      Delete
    5. She got to 35. Meaning she made the decision at 35.

      Poor wife. Making peace with such is not easy and not natural. It's like polygamy. In fact, it is polygamy.

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    6. Anon 16:40 try to read twice if u dont understand simple comprehension. Thank you.

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    7. @ 16:38, she means she decided at age 35 to have kids and forgot about marriage.

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    8. Nahh this is not it. This is very selfish of you. It’s like having your cake and eating it. You don’t want marriage yet you’re still intimate with him. Women please don’t go this route. Such a headache reading this comment self. Mtscheww

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    9. @17:23
      What 16:40 said is true; you cannot desecrate God's institution of marriage and be guiltless. You may be happy now but you will cry later.

      Delete
    10. I should stop having sex because I'm not married? Come on guys, stop sounding like kids. Actually I am having my cake and eating it! Saphy it's not polygamy coz I ain't married, he is simply a man I choose to father my kids, I can date other men if I choose, but my massage therapist isn't making me think clearly for now. Baby daddy knows about him too, but he has no say on what I do with any man because he is not my husband. Now, the wife's grouse is, he spends toomuch time away from home and assumes he's with me,meanwhile guy man is not with me most of the time o.

      Delete
    11. @20:17
      It is still sexual immorality. You are still desecrating God's institution. You are still going to be judged by God. Repent now that it is still time of grace.

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    12. Poster 20:17, it is still selfish of you. Look at it very critically...

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    13. Can u list what will make me cry later? πŸ˜„ how childish, definitely not coz of man. My dear, I'm middle aged now, n enjoyed my life to the fullest, na retirement parole I dey n looking forward to be a glam-ma. Make una dey find husband, ive grown past that level.

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    14. Will this one repent or change her ways? She has gone deep and only Christ and willingness to change her mind will only stop her from what she thinks she’s enjoying. Anyway, hope the Holy Spirit will touch your heart. Stop banging someone else’s husband!!! Leave him alone!

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    15. @19:06 she never said she is intimate with her kids father. She has a massage therapist with whom she is sexually involved with. Her kids dad is married to another woman but he doesn’t spend time at home with the wife, this makes the wife think that he is at his baby mamas house but he isn’t……. You guys should always read to comprehend. How did y’ll pass school?

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  7. Thank you for sharing this story

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  8. Soo happy you discovered your self and loving life as it comes


    Your time is near by Gods grace

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  9. Happy for you dear. Indeed ..:live and love but do not lose yourself".

    Don't forget also to enforce God's plan and purpose for your life in the place of prayer. Be an addicted prayer warrior. Not for husband, but for the will of God for you to materialise.

    May all your good expectations be met and exceeded in Jesus name. Cheers.. πŸ‘πŸ˜πŸ’ͺ

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  10. “A big mum to 4 lovely kids” meaning you’re a step mom to 4 kids or your own kids? I’m confused on that part. Thank God for your life and not settling for less.

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    Replies
    1. 15:46
      I think she is a mum to her sister's kids. I am a mum of two, i dont say i am 'big mum's or 'small mum's am just a mum to my kids, that is why I think the four kids belong to her sister who she is said is married, I think she is younger than the 'Chronicle sender, hence the title 'big mum'

      Delete
    2. " a big mum to four lovely kids.."
      I am also confused. Poster didn't clarify this statement.

      Delete
    3. 16:43, thanks for the clarification. It makes sense 100%

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    4. I just started getting used to being called Mum by my nieces and nephews. I happen to be the youngest in my family. All my brothers and sisters got married but when it got to my turn, it was disappointment everywhere I turned. I decided to channel my feeling into hardwork. I try to be there for everybody around me especially my family. I couldn't fault God, just that nobody could understand what the problem is so I just allow God to do his thing. I developed a thick skin to people asking me when, why and so on. I'm just after my comfort and happiness and everyday I pray for good health and a good life. God will do the rest.

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  11. I will be 37 in November enjoying my life and never thought of marriage. Maybe it's cos i don't have a family that reminds me or I'm wired differently

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  12. Don't ki yourself ooo

    Naso I carry myself go marry due to pressure..

    She left after some years. If you see what I had to go through even after she left ehnnn.

    To marry now they fear me. I have been praying to God to help me coz I cannot make that mistake again

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  13. Please dear, you left off the most important part of this story; how you got "4 lovely kids?"
    A lot of us will like to learn. Yes, many are in your shoes and since you obeyed by telling this story,
    Kindly finish it. I am literarily begging. Please.

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    Replies
    1. I think they belong to her sisterm

      Delete
  14. Good lesson learned. The only problem I see in you is trying to marry from your tribe. God is not limited by time, space or geographical location. The person he has for you as husband can come from anywhere. There is no tribe or race in heaven, the Kingdom of our God. And then the 4 lovely kids? Not a problem at all but you could have told us how.
    Thanks for sharing.

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  15. “A big mum to 4 lovely kids"....that was quite confusing. Thanks for sharing.

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  16. This shows that most guys are not interested in marriage again. The rate of divorce these days is high compared to 10 -20yrs ago.

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  17. Being single lady is not easy especially when you are off age.
    Even if you think/feel you are off fine, it's not true because you feel bad any time you're alone at home or see your mate and people you are older than with their children.
    A thought must always come to you if your character is worse than any other person or life is unfair to you.
    Please pray God to give the singles grace to bear the circumstance of life they're facing.

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  18. @Anon 15.16 and @Dede Ugonna

    Please do the right thing and volunteer your husband(s)! ��������

    A lot of you advice women over the age of 35 to just get pregnant...forgetting that women over that age are most likely going to want men around the same age or older.

    Those same men are usually married - so as long as you won't come online and scream bloody murder, when a woman uses your husband to fulfill her "just get pregnant" goals... then by all means, please continue giving such advice!!

    Lastly, it's very 2-faced of most of you BVs who offer such advice...yet when women do as your say, you mock how they "fell" pregnant. Re: TBoss and LIB.

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    Replies
    1. SMH oil dey your head. That advice is one kain. We all celebrated Kemi Astina the other day. Wasn't she 42? If they advise she should harvest and store her eggs, I would say better. But having a child? Being a baby mama is not a walk in the park O. Highly demanding psychologically, financially, it will gnaw at your self-esteem and inferiority complex will hover around you like body odour. And it's not all women that "get pregnant like drinking water". Some need fertility help before it happens. Abeg which boyfriend you want drag go fertility clinic unless he wants a life time connection to you.

      Delete
    2. @SMH, thank you, you completely took the words out of my mouth.
      Also, I wonder if they realise that not all women prioritise having biological babies. Can we stop projecting our desires on other people please?

      Delete
  19. This story is very fine o. I can't even shout. My 3rd sis married 14 years ago when she was 24 and now 38 and she is carrying her 4th baby now. My 2nd big sis married at 22 and still dey with hubby and 5 grown kids today. Infact most of us married in our early 20's. Like I said o, fine story o. I really can't shout. I sha know that marrying young is great if you're married to a good man. (And good ones can scarce die). I don't know all this one all these women are regretting upandan in their marriages and wishing to be baby mamas just for peace. I don't understand why not completely lock up the toto naa. Maybe I'm just confused becox I never chop But fine story o. πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”

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  20. Somebody needed to see this and thanks for sharing. Your story will bring hope to someone else going through their Mrs. Somebody wahala.

    Continue to thrive and love yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh well,I will be 30 by October but no boyfriend. Lost my virginity at the age of 28,I thought my then boyfriend who was my first boyfriend will be the one but Alas,life happened,breakfast wasn't served but I had to let go cos of certain things I felt that where not right.
    Look at me now,I'm all alone. I feel that no man will ever look my way.
    God should just settle me with a good life,that's all.

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  22. God's vengeance will visit all of you advicinh women who are 35 to go have children in an immoral way! Are you all not seeing the times, that it is but short? No fear of God!!! That's how I read that rubbish chronicle of yesterday; of a young lady, who married into ecomog family as an introvert. Poster well done for taking back your life. We were created to worship God!!! Not for marriage and sex!!! Moreover having a child because you are 45 and not married; is like using yourself for ritual to satan. Please singles , especially women , I guess you saw Fred Amata sister's story!!! At 64 she got married to a classy man and looking really beautiful like a woman of 40. All of una married at 25 looking haggard like old cargoes because you have occupied your mind with sex and cooking for man everyday and opening leg to have kids like rabbits !!! That's why Bill Gates wants to depopulate you people! You all should continue in immorality, is war that is the next strategy , to wipe off a sodomic race!!! No one really cares about your personal stories that does not glorify God!!! Anyone of you that will come here to this blog; to post rubbish satanic advice to people are living right will receive God's judgement !!! Shalom

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    Replies
    1. I like your message without the abusive words. What really got to me is: "Are you not all seeing the times, that it is but short?" My dear its really short. The enemy is really out to snatch souls, but the Lord doesn't want any soul lost. As Jesus said, what does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul? May God be with us...

      Delete
  23. What is it with nigerians and the obsession with marriage and children?Yes the poster said she desires a family, but a lot of people here are still telling her thesame thing people tell her on the regular. The pressure moved from marriage to “ try and have kids”. I am 35 and have been in a long term relationship. We have been together for over 10years and i do not feel the need to hurry and get married or have kids. Leave people’s ovaries alone. Not everyone desires to have kids and not everyone is wired for motherhood. Damn, it is always so disappointing seeing thesame pattern of comments on this issue. It is 2022, please throw away all this archaic thinking. It must be very exhausting to live in nigeria as a woman, worse as a single relatively older woman. I am so glad i escaped!

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    Replies
    1. Have been waiting for a comment like this since. kisses to you Jaree...

      Delete
    2. Poster pls continue to enjoy your life, travel the world, experience Gods work, etc. marriage was created by God but not a must to accomplish. If it happens for you fine if not, fine. Ask God what he sent you to earth to do for him and tell him to direct your paths towards achieving it for him. Because, He created humans for his own works, purpose and glory. marriage will only make you serve your fellow human (man) & not God, it may also make you not fulfill your destiny/purpose because some men would not want you to fulfill that or support you either. It is horrible living in Nigeria as a single woman/man. But pls do not let the talks of surroundings or society drive you crazy. Live your life to the fullest. Have fun and worship God.

      Delete

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