Doctor Freaks Journal - My "Jakpa" Notes

I was in my teens in the mid-80s when fellow compatriots begged "Oga Andrew" not to check out. Then, the exchange rate was $1 to N5. Also, when the trio of Prof Wole Soyinka (WS), Alagba Jimmy Solanke and Wole Oyelana sang "I love my country, I no go lie na inside am I go live and die, I know my country I no go lie, na him and me go yap till I die..." 

I was still in my teens. I think all of this contributed to my decision making in the years to follow such that I believed so much in Nigeria and failed, refused and or neglected to avail myself of the opportunities at my disposal for several years. For strange reasons, living outside the shores of Nigeria had never been an option for me up until recent times.

Recently, I was reminded of God's directive to Abram (who later became Abraham) thus: "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you..." Guess what? Migration is as old as the Abrahamic faith.


I decided to dust my "kpali" (international passport) and embark on a journey to the "white man's land". The meat of this piece is not the circumstances surrounding my movement though, but two touching personal encounters.


On one of my trips to my newfound location, I boarded a coach from the airport, checked in my luggage (three of them) and I slept virtually all through the journey of about two hours plus. On getting to my destination, one of my boxes was nowhere to be found and it was at this point it dawned on me that I was "in trouble". 

Do you know why I was in trouble? That missing box contained Madam's smoked fish, crayfish, magi, suya, and loads and loads of other African stuff. 

I summoned up the courage to break the news to her where I met her waiting for me at the coach station. How did she take it? In good faith, yes she was fine and she quickly came up with a solution. She sent a mail to the appropriate address and same was acknowledged almost immediately. The following day, we received mails, assuring us that the office was working on our complaint. By day 3, another mail came in demanding details of the missing box which we supplied and same was forwarded to all the passengers on that bus asking whoever that mistakenly made away with the box to return ASAP. 

The office later called to reassure us that if nobody returned the box within days then they would have to gather the CCTV footages from all the bus stops and conduct a thorough investigation. The exchanges continued until day 6 when we received a call that the missing box had been found. 

Guess what?

 The service provider tendered an apology! Not in my dear nation. I recovered my box but without the fish and crayfish because carrying same on the bus was prohibited but other items were well preserved.


The second had to do with my experience at a popular coffee bar. I had gone there to grab a cup of coffee. I met a lady on the queue and with time about 5 persons had queued up behind me. The lady was beginning to keep longer than necessary on the queue in my view. The practice is that you pay and step forward to wait for your coffee. This lady refused to move an inch and I was getting impatient so I decided to step forward with a view to exploring the possibility of making my order without further delay. 

What followed changed my way of thinking. I noticed that about 10 people who were present at the location gave me the same kind of look about the same time.

 They found my attitude strange and I'm sure some of them would have doubted my sanity. It was strange to them seeing someone conduct himself in that kind of unruly manner. I quietly went back to my original position. I took my turn, grabbed my coffee and walked out briskly.


For Naija to move forward, we must be willing and ready to see a shrink as a nation and as a people.


"Those wey normal for Naija no reach 5!"