Hmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE..
DISRESPECTFUL HUSBAND
Hi Stella,
I'm reaching out to you because I don't know what else to do. I'm married with 3 kids to a great guy (Or so I thought. ) .
My husband constantly disrespects me by chatting his numerous up past lovers . I noticed he reaches out to them , starts reliving up their past escapades. Some of the people he chats with are married women and I'm surprised that they will even entertain such conversation.
See Stella I'm just tired .
Mind you, we have a fantastic s#x life ...we explore and try out new things with ourselves...so it's not like he's lacking it at home.
I don't know if this is a fetish for him or he does it for the fun of it ,or he truly means what he says to them. He goes as far as proposing they meet again....
I'm exhausted mentally and emotionally. I don't know what to do.
My writing might be disjointed because so many thoughts in my head pardon me .
Hi Stella,
I'm reaching out to you because I don't know what else to do. I'm married with 3 kids to a great guy (Or so I thought. ) .
Our marriage is slightly over a decade. You see, the thing is , I think I'm done with my marriage .
My husband constantly disrespects me by chatting his numerous up past lovers . I noticed he reaches out to them , starts reliving up their past escapades. Some of the people he chats with are married women and I'm surprised that they will even entertain such conversation.
Sometimes I confront him ,other times I don't because I just feel like I should just let it slide because he has a terrible habit of lying stupidly when he's caught .
See Stella I'm just tired .
I've lost any form of attraction / respect I have for him. Matter of fact I dont trust him one bit and it bothers me because I'm big on loyalty and trust.
Seeing him irritates me now.
Mind you, we have a fantastic s#x life ...we explore and try out new things with ourselves...so it's not like he's lacking it at home.
I don't know if this is a fetish for him or he does it for the fun of it ,or he truly means what he says to them. He goes as far as proposing they meet again....
I'm exhausted mentally and emotionally. I don't know what to do.
My writing might be disjointed because so many thoughts in my head pardon me .
I'm a very supportive wife and I don't deserve this constant embarrassment from him. Do I call up the women and warn them? But how long am I going to do this for ?
Don't say pray because I'm sure God go don even tire for me because of my prayer( rolls eyes) sometimes I wish I could pay him back by pretending to have an affair but I just can't. I'm too morally upright for that and he knows it.
I need any form of encouragement or advice from you or bvs.
I need any form of encouragement or advice from you or bvs.
Seeing him irritates you but the s#x life is good? LOL
I dont even know what to say... Please don't confront anyone, keep praying for your husband, it doesn't look like you are going anywhere so keep praying...
God bless you!
Protect yourself before he start chuku chuku without condom on those ladies
ReplyDeleteFocus more on you and your children. If you can, pretend he doesn't exist. Stop complaining or fighting him about this. When he sees you no send, his head go correct.
If you can get someone that both of you can be chatting and laughing in the midnight.... Let it be obvious. He go jealous
If I were in your shoes, and it bothers me as much as you have discribed, there is nothing I won't do to feel better, which includes calling the women, their husband and staging my own chat ups too especially as you have complained and no change.
DeleteNo, your marriage is not over. Do whatever you need to do to show him the extent of your displeasure. This too shall pass.
The only reason I confronted my husband when he started cheating was because I heard the lady is from Akwa Ibom state. She also has a very big ass.
DeleteSometimes he lies about going on business trips and either goes on holidays with her or goes to stay at her place.
I told him to inform his family about the lady because me I no want wahala. If him go die on top another woman nyash...
I don't even know where he got the stamina for Akwa ibom girl. This my husband slim ehn, like fido dido.
@anon17;41thia your comment realy cracked me
DeleteSlim men dey like s*x much n women with big ass o.
DeleteMadam if you can make friends with those ladies' husbands do but no sex o just to balance d equation. Buy plenty condom n gift him.
Na real wa o.Wetin some men want sef?
ReplyDeleteThe husbands of those women will think they have innocent wives at home.
ReplyDelete😬
Madam, if you dont wanna look wizened, you have two options, leave or ignore him.
This stuff is also a circle.Maybe those married women husbands are also misbehaving.
DeleteAnonymously send a screenshot of their chat to the women's husband.
ReplyDeleteAnd how will she get the phone numbers of their husbands? She should fight her battles within.
DeletePoster, you said you explore and try out new things with your husband. New things like what? You sound like you give him an*l sex. Hmmmmm...see finish happens in all marriages. Even the women he's chatting up are tired of their own marriages too. It happens everywhere. That's why I said companionship in marriage is over rated. If you can't make yourself happy as a single, how can you be happy in marriage? I've always said that when I get married I'll have my own room and women that heard me always object to it. Many women expect so much from their husbands, always so clingy. Like do you expect to be talking all the time? And you're always ready for sex whenever he asks thinking that will keep him. You can't even do small shakara for him sometimes instead your legs are always open. That's see finish. Women wise up. A woman's body changes a lot after childbirth. I once saw my colleagues' tummy and almost threw up. Stretch marks everywhere, so unsightly.
My advice, get your own room, stop checking his phone, buy beautiful and sweet smelling perfumes and put on even when at home, dress nicely not sexily, stop checking his phone, deny him sex sometimes and just breathe and live for yourself.
Anon 15.05 your head dey there. If he is rich, manage h8m like that. If you hace space for another bedroom then get your own room. Have gun with your children. If you are financially comfortable it will make things easier. Go to the spa, cinema, out for dinner, dancing. Stop depending on him for your emotional well being. Make sure you use condom.if hr doesnt change, leave him when the kids are older
DeleteAnon 15:50,any explanations as to why women should dress nicely and not sexily? Oh,i just got it.
DeleteAnon 15.05 you really are living in lala land.. I mean I chuckled really hard when you body shamed your collegue hahaha she is a warrior darling the stretch marks are beauty marks from bringing life into this earth something you clearly know nothing about.
DeleteIf he still has parents, report him to them or any of his older siblings.
ReplyDeleteI’m sure they’ll talk to him.
Ask him this “would you be okay if I go flirting with my ex’s like you do” watch his reaction.
Do not confront any of those women, don’t bring yourself down.
As for pretending about cheating on him, don’t do it. Some men will use that as an excuse for their “foolish” ways and before you know it, it sticks.
Do not let them rope you in on what you didn’t do.
If he doesn’t change, go chill at your parent’s 😉
Poster keep praying o. That's what you need and be strong for your kids.
ReplyDeleteKeep holding on and pray for him. And hope to God that his running or talking with them doesn't become a reality.
ReplyDeleteLolll, what a recipe for emotional bondage. Is this life.
DeleteImagine leaving a single life that was beautiful, progressive and happy only to end up with a happy who sleeps around like a street dog and your are constantly battling stds and spiritual energies that he has adopted from every hole he meets.
It can never be me, I will drop you like shit from an anus.
Going through your partner's phone ehnnn... Na serious issue.
ReplyDeleteMost times you get hurt. I really don't get why we are always looking for reason to hurt ourselves.
Well the ball is in your court. Cheat if you want to or move out if you like.
It all depends on you.
May God heal your marriage
ReplyDeleteA man that goes to relive sexual encounters with past lovers has unfinished business he isn't addressing and it has nothing to do with you or your sexual prowess. Is it just chatting or does he go through with it? Either one is wrong but the former can be addressed and managed.
ReplyDeleteA decade with this man, you should be able to communicate with him and let him know just how much he's ruining the union. The lying part is really the worst cos a liar can never be trusted to change. I won't advice you to up and leave when there's a fighting chance things can be restored and please, remain steadfast in praying cos God is the only one that can change him.
Can you just talk with him about this issue.. His response is what will decide your next step.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to let him know how you feel, if he doesn't change or don't respond in a positive way, separate from him for the moment, this might give him the time to rethink and also give you the time to decide what next. Dont think of divorce yet until you are very sure he wont change.
ReplyDeleteDear poster don't be tired
ReplyDeleteprayer is the key
God will heal and restore your home
My problem with most chronicles brought here is the one sidedness. As in, posters just state their spouses offence(s) without laying bare every fact that is necessary for optimum advice thereby making themselves look like practical saints. Like Stella noted (me sef laughed), how can you have great sex but the sight of him irritates you? Do you know what it takes for a woman to have great sex? A lot! Psychologically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually, you are engaged!
ReplyDeleteI would encourage posters to state the whole truth when sending in chronicles. After all, Stella won't publish your identity. So I don't get what you are afraid of. If you get bashed but get your solution, whose gain is it?
All I can deduce from your write up is half truths. Yes, your husband is doing wrong, but what led to it? You have no fault that caused it? Then PRAY! Lol. Yes, pray. Oya beat me. Hehehe.
Okay on a serious note. Let's go back to the drawing board.
1. Why did God create man? To worship him!
2. What did God say when he decided to create the female? He said that it is not good that man should be alone. Gen. 3:18 On that statement hangs the very essence of marriage which millions of people don't know before they go into marriage. That's why we have failed marriages upandan.
That means a woman's job in a man's life centres around providing conducive companionship for her husband while he worships God. That is the picture God had in mind when instituiting marriage. When therefore, you see your husband running after other women, your questions should be:
- How has my companionship with my husband been?
- Have I made being around me nice and comfortable?
- What exactly does this other woman give him that I am not giving him? (What she actually gives him is peace).
- How can I get around giving him these things?
My dear, try and find out from him, what he wants. Ask him playfully, politely or in any other way you know that is nice. One thing I have realized is that these men don't like these things they do, unlike what most women with cheating husbands think. They think the men enjoy it. But they don't! They just need a good companion. And most of them will do anything to get the companionship they need.
How to be a good companion:
1. Pray with everything in you. Pray to the instituitor of marriage. This solves 80% of your problems.
2. Quit any bad attitude you have. You sabi dem. Na dem follow dey make the man zuzu. Do what makes him happy. Always.
3. Cut off from woke friends and peeps. Follow God's original plan for marriage. That's the only one that works.
4. Create a serene environment of bliss in your home. Make him always come running home. You know what to do. Every woman does but pride and stubbornness will not allow us sometimes. Quit nagging and complaining. They NEVER and will NEVER solve any problem. Make yourself the sunshine of your home. All living organisms naturally gravitate towards light. So will your husband.
5. Stop the predator-prey relationship. Always trying to catch him red-handed. It puts him on the defensive. Anyone put in that position is not ever a happy person.
6. Forgive. Let go of past pain. This is the most difficult part. But if you get past this stage, your marriage will be heaven on Earth.
7. Wait. Wait for the change. It takes time. It's not overnight. Keep at your actions continually and you'll have him eating out of your hand.
God bless you and your marriage real good.
I have to disagree with you.
DeleteThis man is just bored out of his mind as they seem to have an easy marriage. He’s looking for excitement and looking in all the wrong places. He also is unable to discipline his mind.
It has very little to do with poster here.
Poster, I guess all you can do is talk to your husband. And pray he comes to his senses before he makes a mistake that will completely crash your home.
Beautiful write-up Jechix but I think you are wrong where you listed what leads men running after other women. It's not always the fault of the wife. Given; there are hellish wives out there but some husbands of good wives too cheat for absolutely no reason. It is known that "women needs reasons to cheat while men just need someone to cheat with". For them, it's just an adventure.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAll you have done is justify a grown man's adultery while preaching christianity in the same breath. You have blamed this woman for her husband's infidelity and concluded she's the reason he is cheating. A whole grown man & father.
DeleteLet me ask, if she was the chest, would u have blamed the man too?
May God forbid bad thing. What a Christian indeed
Thank you Lily. You people should kuku kill the wife to make her randy husband happy and satisfied. If the wife nags, did she just wake up and start nagging? What did he do to make her nag?
Delete"She should provide companionship while he worships God". Story! Adulterous God worshipper. Mtcheewwww
Married women and complaining! Abeg, i don tire for una.
ReplyDeleteYou wanted to snoop, you did and you are hurt. I doubt he is sleeping with any of them. Ignore him and focus on caring for yourself and your kids. Stop snooping , leave his phone alone. How do you have sex with a man that irritates you. Your anger is justified, but don't allow it overwhelm you.You didn't really say how you were disrespected, you are the one who invaded his privacy. You two can sort out this issue amicably, if his exes get to know you know about their chats, they are likely going to stop
ReplyDeleteNa wa o. May God not give me a cheating spouse oo, haaa I cant deal.
ReplyDeleteDear poster see ehn, there is no marriage in heaven, if you cant take the disrespect please separate for sometime. It's easier when you dont see him. Hian! God please o, I cant shout
Poster if your husband really irritates you I swear you will not even allow him touch you not to talk of having great sex. Just continue to enjoy your sex but please insist he uses protection, if he asks why tell him is because of his promiscuity. From there you can talk to him. No need for divorce.
ReplyDeleteThe same God says "pray always and do not give up. .." Luke 18:1, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
ReplyDeleteDespite the high inflation in the land..I wonder how this men cope with all this extra and unnecessary lifestyle..may God deliver our men o..
ReplyDeleteAbeg , all these women that feel that they own their husbands. Did you catch him red-handed? If not why are you breaking your head. Smh. Better act like an adult. If he is reliving past escapades, it means your sex life isn't that fantastic and something is wrong (oga may have midlife crisis) It maybe okay , but not fantastic, maybe he married you, not out of genuine love but because you were the best available option. Focus of being the best version of yourself and stop policing him after all no be you give am his private part. Grow up madam poster this is marriage not dating.
ReplyDeleteGo take some time apart. You said you get irritated just to see him. If you have family elsewhere and can go away for a month or the entire summer when the children are out of school do so, I know this is not possible for everyone because of financial issues and work commitments. Otherwise, get a hobby or enrol in a class so that your focus can come off him. Get a gym membership if you can and find something to get involved with more. Even some charitable work or social justice work, whatever moves you. If he is not listening to you and does not care that his actions hurt you then you have to just let him be and give your all to you. Amazing sex is subjective, and some men have a polygamous mindset, you are not responsible for his happiness and his behaviour is not your fault. See all you are doing, and nothing has changed. Focus on you, focus on your life and get involved with you.
ReplyDeleteYou see all this advice for you to adjust yourself and do this and that, all this burden for you to work like a field horse for someone who does not even have common decency and respect for you. Humiliating you and making you feel bad and less than is a demonic mindset on his part. Imagine if it was you entertaining past lovers and reminiscing about old times and how you wished you could do it again with them, let me see the husband who would be happy to read their wife doing such. Let me see the husband who would be happy to read that. But for you, you should go put yourself to work to fix it..mtsscchw
Focus on you and your children and do not give any more of your energy to him and his shenanigans. Learn to be unbothered and shake it off.