Hmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE BREAK UP
I dated this guy for two and half years before he finally proposed. Even though he refused to let me know where he stays, I fell for his maturity, rooted values and the easy way he understood me.
Non of my exes understood me even as I do, and it often leaves us with many quarrels and fights. But this guy was just a rock: hands on, domesticated and very resourceful in so many fronts. Though unlike my exes, financially he is struggling.
My issue now is that after two and half years, he took me to his place introduced me to some of his family and proposed. We have talked about taking the next step which is the right thing after we found the comfort of togetherness in our union. So his proposal didn't come as a surprise, I was waiting for it anyway.
The shocking thing was that, this guy has always been comfortable - he and his cousins are very comfortable. I guess I overlooked how clean he is. They have good jobs and good business. I have a good job too with great potential, so I'm not lacking in anyway.
I was even the giver in this relationship, it never bothered me because he was nice in his own ways. I felt used all those years we were dating and courting. I felt mistrusted. I felt not been reckoned with. I feel pained to have been taken for granted. And told him to give me time to think about his proposal that was October last year. By November I told him I don't think I could go through with the relationship.
He begged until this January and stopped. Do I love him? Yes I do with everything in me. But he loves me more. Because of my last experience when I started with him, I made it clear that this must be just I and him, I can't deal with family and friends until he proposes. So that if it goes wrong along the line, I don't want pressures from that quarter.
Moreso, I don't want the society to be asking questions that has no answer. Nor be that much emotionally broken. The lighter the weight the better we manage the heartbreak if it ever happens. And it seems it has. But I miss him greatly, I guess the introvert in me didn't allow me to reach out to him and tell him I rescind my earlier stand.
I was on this contemplation when boom, I got a very good alert from him - every money I have ever given him with a bogus interest. (The moment I understood he is everything I wanted in a boyfriend, a husband and partner, I always send him something every month - don't forget I only know him as a struggling guy, who is smart and hardworking.) With a text message later thanking me for everything.
Does it mean it's actually over?
My sister that we ran into on one of our hangouts thinks he has moved on, that he had begged enough for 3 months and could have felt my mind was made up. But I want this guy, he has every value I needed in a guy.
How do I get him back to see reasons with me. How do I rekindle the good vibes we had going on. He hasn't replied nor returned my calls since last month. I have been going over and taking stock of our time together, he was my best. His imprints on me is there for me to see, I feel his impact in all of me. I missed him but don't know if I reach out, whether he will accept and be the same man I saw in him. I am honestly not emotionally well these days, and it's affecting everything I do. Is there hope? I apologize for any bad use of English, thought I can handle this but no I haven't been able to.
Closure is what is needed..
As for the Relationship, its over... The minute he sent you that money was closure for him...Respect yourself and move on, going back to him will not be the same...
Let me get this clear again... The saying No to the Marriage proposal was because he made it look like he was not financially stable and kept taking from you? For two whole years he took from you without giving ? two years is too long a time, even if he would claim he was testing you.....
Please forget about him and move on..... it wont be the same.
You are not serious. Move on already.
ReplyDeleteWhen you love someone, you don’t wait three months to forgive them.
Let's get this clear.
DeleteYou met a good man who loved and cherished you more than any man before him had ever done.
Sadly, he wasn't much of a giver. It's very possible that business was bad for him during those years.
You went to his house and saw he was "comfortable". You suddenly remembered how you had been the one taking care of him. Things you did out of love and not because you were compelled to.
You refused his proposal because you suddenly realized he was stingy and shameless. He begged you for 3 months, and you refused, despite claiming to 'love' him.
Now he has paid you back all that he ever took from you, you suddenly want him back. You've remembered he is the love of your life, the best thing that has ever happened since the invention of Akara.
You placed money over everything in the relationship. The attention, the love, the respect, the care all of a sudden didn't matter. All that became important was money.
That's the society we are now in. Social media is telling us that it's all about money. Every essential thing that actually makes a relationship beautiful has become secondary.
Anyways, I'd say that you just lost yourself a good guy. Female BVs will most likely disagree and tell you how shameless the guy was and how you dodged a bullet. But deep down in your heart, you know that you seriously effed up.
Move on with your life and allow him to move on too.
Yes you do. People be calming down with all these rules
DeleteGod bless you slutty , who does that abeg? But for me She shouldn't give up anyway.
DeleteMy dear move on, did you expect him to beg you for a year. If he does not want u anymore, use the same energy you used in keeping malice for 3 whole months with a man you claim to love and move on.
DeleteMy dear move on, did you expect him to beg you for a year. If he does not want u anymore, use the same energy you used in keeping malice for 3 whole months with a man you claim to love and move on. I detest unforgiving spirit.
DeleteNo be your village people like this?
DeleteHe was obviously better than all your exes so what was the problem.
When I like someone and I have enough, giving shouldn’t have been a problem.
He won’t take you back because men hurt differently and once it fades it fades especially when they were hurting.
Just let him go
Aunty move on. No go embarrass urself more. If u loved him. U won't let him beg u for 3months. Sending you that moni means he is done with u. If he comes back to u fine, u cn Continue.
DeleteBut pls dnt go nd beg him ooo. D relationship cnt be same again.
Chances are, if you turn and beg then he takes u back, the relationship wont be as the same, he will just be knacking you and may not propose again since you already said no.
ReplyDeleteIf na nack e want nack he won't beg for long . It ll take him time though to take her serious because she pushed him away after he tooktheir relationship to another level. Hope some of una dey read this chronicle, this kind behaviour from the lady is so childish 🙄 after putting in her all in the relationship. She still use am turn hot eba.
DeleteDear Poster,
DeleteSwallow your pride eh.
Go and reconcile with him.
If you're too shy to do it yourself, use your sister as the go between but do not let him go without at least giving it a try.
He still loves you, hence the reason he sent you all that money- that's his way of trying to get your attention and it's obviously working.
Be smart!
Dnt listen to UNKNOWN....
DeleteHmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm please poster move on.
ReplyDeleteI do not like people like this man. I don't like people that test people in a relationship. What are u testing me for?
ReplyDeleteHe didn't just test u, he tested u for two whole years?
If u had married him, who is to say he won't keep testing you? Who is to say he won't make to stories to see how you would react to different situation.
He's kind, nice and gentle doesn't mean he doesn't have other vices. He probably has trust issues.
My dear, u dodged a bullet. Pls move on abeg
Eka Joy I know but in this case no bullet dey there o. Girl has to do the needful, She should rekindle their love back by all means, shame no fit catch me for man wey don love me before.some men are like toddler make she open her mouth and profess her love too to him this time, make the both of hear from each other, e get as e be if the bridge just burn like that without some effort .
DeleteThe only reasonable comment I’ve read.
DeleteI don’t believe this man is as wonderful as you described above. I’ve come to realize that most women aren’t entirely honest when they paint their boyfriend or husband as an angel.
A good man WONT test you consistently for TWO YEARS. A good man WONT consistently lie about his earnings for TWO years to a man he claims he loves.
This man TESTED you for two years. After he brought you to his house/family he didn’t deem it fit to explain why he claimed to be broke and only received from you.
He didn’t return the money to you at the time of the proposal or address his dishonest claim about being broke.
This ‘perfect’ man of ours kept mute about his dishonesty and only felt the need to explain after your instinct told you something ISNT right about this man.
He decided to beg only after you realized that the relationship has been a lie and you decided to take some time away.
My dear, deep down in your heart you know something isn’t right about him. He is in some ways better than your exes. However he is a DISHONEST man.
A good man that loves you WONT test you for TWO freaking years! My darling read 1Corinthians 13:4-8.
I may be wrong but this man may not provide one naira to you and your kids after marriage.
He will TEST you by not bringing money for food, he will TEST you by not giving you school fees, he will TEST you by cheating on you.
My dear, take heart and move on.
19:48 I'm ashamed to see so many low value women here.
DeleteA man 'tested'you?
Tested you for 2 whole years.
24 months.
LMAO.
I cannot laugh.
And everyday he will be lieing one lie or the other go cover up, because we know once you lie once, you must lie another to cover your tracks and infinitum.
This is hilarious, this is the type of woman you are pining for???
Mehnnnnn, I can't even be bothered to say what I really have in mind.
Call him and ask whether he is still interested don't conclude yet
ReplyDeleteThis is the time to pull the bull by its horn. If you want this guy back, go and get him without reservation.
DeleteIf he doesn't want you back, he will tell you.
If forgives you, don't start looking for Trouble where there is none. Tell him how you feel through text messages. But don't over beg him.
Call first to hear his own skde of the story and know if truly he has moved on. I feel for you there. E hugs poster
ReplyDeleteYou said he is intelligent, yes? He saw you snub him because he was a struggling guy.
ReplyDeleteBut how do you ladies loose good guys? Me, I always recognize what i want early and i stick to it. Obviously you enjoyed the relationship but your ALL weren't available.
What will you do now? Shebi you say you love him and he is your dream man? Nne, go out there and lay it bare. Pour out your heart and give it your best. You know why?- for your own closure. There is 90% possibility you wont get him back but atleast you will know you did your best.
Maybe u should read the post well.
DeleteShe always felt he was struggling and kept supporting him for two years only to find out that he was actually well off
I agree with Ms sapphire, let her go to the guys house ask him some questions and from there will know if the guy is still willing to be with her. And if he's willing just make up with him and let bygone be bygone.
DeleteOh... right, I understand better now.
DeleteAunty READ to understand NOT to hurriedly respond as always. LMAO.
DeleteI picked just one thing in all you wrote- he returned every damn thing you gave him plus jara. Nice one, even though he shouldn't have taken a dime from you in the first place. Men worth their name don't take money from women. Women don't give out things freely to men. There's always something attached. Every penny a woman gives you is recorded somewhere in her head. You will always be reminded "after all I've done for you" in the future. The truth is, he knew this and made amends before he'll come online and see his handle tagged with "...so I dated this guy bla bla bla and he kept taking my money until I became broke. He now left me and is getting married to a girl he met just last month. Men are scum." Aunty, uncle has another woman he wants to marry right now. He doesn't want you to see the wedding update and get on destruction mode. Pick up your proud ass and go get yourself another man. Behave yourself in your next relationship. You were feeling like a certain god until it dawned on you. Hopefully, you'll get the strength to move on.
ReplyDeleteIf Negativity was a person it would be you and Dante.
DeleteShe helped him now she was feeling like a god and if she doesnt help another issues.
Abeg getat.
Papa mmadu calm down.
DeleteOoo pls keep shut
DeleteAbeg poster call him please 🙏 , Channel all your English grammar to him even if it means you telling him you did that to test his love for you, do not throway those years of sacrifice and love.
ReplyDeleteE go bad like this if you don't reach him and die in silent. YOU better Use sweet mouth follow this guy talk with another phone number.
No be only him sabi test too.
Call him up and have a heart to heart talk with him and if it doesn’t work out then you have the closure that you need to move on.
ReplyDeleteI won’t judge him too harshly cos just like you have exes that didn’t understood you, he might have also been through it in the hands of his exes that he needed to test you to be sure and to be honest, it’s not that bad of a test. IMO
If he still refuses to contact you then cut your L and move on.
Please reach out to him or go to where he lives. Let him know he hurts you so much the reason you behaved the way you did. Find out what he has in mind and move on if he continues to ignore you.
ReplyDeleteYou should have had a conversation with this guy immediately after the 'betrayal'. I understand how you felt but a conversation with him would have given you clarity about the situation. Was he right? No. But if you love someone, you should be willing to give them at least one chance to right their wrongs. Now that he has made a refund of all you spent on him, he might have decided to move on. However, if you love him and believe this can work, send him a message (since he won't pick your calls), explaining all of this and ask to talk. If he accepts, fine, then talk. If he refuses, then move on and hope you would find someone who would measure up to your desires soon.
ReplyDeleteBVs are saying "move on" as if the next one will be better.
ReplyDeletePoster, you know him better than everyone of us.
Just follow your instincts.
This guy took what you had for granted. He tested you the first year and it wasn't enough?
ReplyDeleteHe only buckled up when you have him an ultimatum because he still wanted to have you tied to himself without fully getting committed to your needs of him.
He still has a lot of work to do on himself.
I'll still fault you a little for not giving him a chance when he came back to see if he had changed for good.
Thank you @ Eka Joy and Twin squared for your wisdom. I keep telling women to learn from you on this blog! The man is a user. How can you test a woman for 2 years. Any man like that is a big red flag. He has given you your money back . Please move on . Let him go and look for a woman to test or let him go and test his family. Please control your emotions, he is not your husband. He knows what he did! If you go and beg him, he will mess you up. Marriage and relationship is not by force. Please next time , don't be a mother a Theresa. Anything you cannot give freely and forget, don't give. If a man says he is struggling. Please let him go and complain to his family!!! The Natasha Akpoti that went to marry Emmanuel Uduaghan , who his first wife , who is from a top Delta family and it was her family that helped him ; a beautiful biracial lady, with his trouser then that he he used to drag to his waist then. The family accepted him and never discriminated against him, now he is a gold digger to rich women. Women and men!!! Please use your head these days, because most people are out for their self interest these days for what they can get from you. Please hold yourself and move on!!! No need to go and fool yourself. Shalom
DeleteHe didnt try at all but you should've forgiven when he came back begging.
ReplyDeleteSince he isn't picking your calls please locate him and try to have a heart to heart discussion with him.
Open up to him and ask for another chance. If he doesn't accept please find closure and move on.
The future is always better than the past, be optimistic darling.
Hmm... this one is somehow sha. You ignored him for too long, no matter the offence. Well,if I were in your shoes,I will return that money back to him. You gave it to him out of your own freewill, not expecting to be paid back. After returning the money, I will have the free mind to call him and talk on even grounds. I will say exactly how I feel and what his actions did to my psyche. If he is understanding as you claim,there shouldn't be a problem with reconciliation. If not, time to move on.
ReplyDeleteIn your next relationship, don't hold out for too long. If you want to forgive,do so quickly. If not,make it clear to the other party that you want to move on. This stupid passive aggressive attitude most Nigerian ladies display isn't healthy at all.
U just said my mind...immediately i got the alert..I would have returned the money
DeleteYou girls can't handle rejection but feels so good dishing it to men daily. Imagine the cruise you were having with the guy when he was begging you for 3 months.. Narcissism 💯
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that the real reason Women don't approach men here isn't even about self respect of nothing, they are just scared of rejection. They don't know how to handle it, cause of their oversize ego and pride..
Just be ready to beg that guy for 3 months too, so you'll have sense on how to not be immature and childish next time
Let me type this before I read other comments. Poster, if you want the relationship back then send him the money back and tell him when you gave it out, it was a gift so you wouldn't take it back.
ReplyDeleteHowever if I were you, I would let that guy go. He took the whole testing thing too far which makes me wonder if he's okay in the head. See you can never know which exams he will be setting for you if you marry this guy. This is a guy who wasn't move to take of the financial burdens from you because "testing" you is more important to him for 2 years plus. That guy sure thinks he's the prize and not the other way round. Please let him go.
Lol
ReplyDeletePoster you thought say you are irreplaceable that's why someone you claimed you love begged you for 3months and you didn't forgive.
Shey you shakara don put you for regret.
See ehn, no human being is irreplaceable.
So you wan go start another relationship and be seeing chats like "what is your favorite color" or "what are you wearing now".
Do whatever you like, I wish you wisdom.
LOL @ 'what is your favourite colour or what are you wearing now'.
DeleteIf you had found the man was broke than you thought, would you have written this post?
ReplyDeleteWhy were you so cross with him when you made it so much easier for him to "test" you because you didn't want to meet his family? And for 2 good years?
Do you really know this man?
Fact is for generations, men and women have always tested the heart of a future life partner. His "testing" you for 2years is not unusual.
The man is gone. If you get together again, it is unlikely it would be as before or better. Money appears to have been an issue in the man's former relationships. It appears you passed the test, then raised trust issues.
Poster he offended you but you're hard hearted. How can you allow someone you claim to love beg for good 3 months yet you refused to forgive, are you the only woman in Nigeria? Now you've gotten what you wanted so move on.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure you want him back or you're just afraid you won't find another good one
ReplyDeleteDarling, dating is for grown ups, you should acquire the prerequisite emotional intelligence before dating. Communication is key in every healthy relationship. Perhaps, it's a blessing in disguise that this relationship brokedown because I can't imagine what marriage for both of you would be like. You both behaved badly and quite immaturely, in my considered view.
ReplyDeleteI know some wealthy guys who act broke to decipher the true intentions of their ladies. However, there's usually the "big reveal" after the ladies pass the "test". Acting as though everything is peachy, is unacceptable. He ought to have given you an explanation and not ignoring the white elephant in the room. Sweetheart, you on the other hand, should have had a tete-a-tete with him and expressed how you felt, you guys dated for 2 years, no? You had every right to show your displeasure, but you took it too far. Like elastic, everyone has his/her breaking point. If it's stretched beyond its limits, the tension causes a breakage or slackage.
Truth is, no one can accurately predict the outcome whether or not you go begging for whatever it is you want from him. However, I would advise you to let him be. If what you both had/have is solid enough, he will find his way back to you. If he doesn't, then you guys are better off apart. As a rule of thumb, NEVER beg for anyone's affections. By all means, apologise if and when you err, but asking an ex to take you back, is a no no! Love should be given freely and voluntarily.
Just because he seems the perfect guy for you doesn't necessarily equate to you being the perfect one for him. Such a conflict shouldn't arise in a healthy relationship of 2 years. Personally, I would return the largesse he sent to me because I gave out of love, not expecting a payback. Since this bloke of yours has an affinity for nondisclosure, perhaps he sent the money to see how you would react. Be that as it may, return it, not because you want to pass any test but because it is the decent thing to do.
People break up and make up all the time. Trust me, if you made an impact on him emotionally, he will want you back, eventually. Letting him go is not necessarily about pride, rather it's about dignity. In the interim, work on your communication skills and learn never to take anyone for granted, especially those invested in you emotionally. Bitterness corrodes the container, learn to let go of offences easily.
e-hugs and kisses.
Hmmmmmmm, another angle.
DeleteRonald finish work
DeleteRonalda let me love you a thousand times with this well conscripted write up meeeeehn you really gave it all.
DeleteI honestly do believe the only reason why you decided not to accept the guys proposal is because if his financial status.
DeleteFor 3 good months you had him begging you and all a sudden he returned all you gave him with extra and you felt he was testing you AHH women this gender can amaze me eeh.
Well you know him better than I do so if you fill deep down in your heart you can win him back then do. No harm in trying. All for love.
I don't like reading long essay in this period of hardship but I must commend the points you raised. 👍🏼👋🏼 Poster, return the money and tell him you did it out of love. Just think of anything as the reason why you didnt wanna speak to him then, probably you might have gone to some extent of trying to get a loan to set him up, the plans/contacts you made, n discovering who he is shattered your heart. If the opportunity comes, be sincere and ask him why the "test" but don't beg him to come back to you, if he's really matured emotionally, he should be able to decide once. Whatever it is, be fine with it. Allow God to take the wheel.
DeletePoster please follow Mao Akuh advise but i hope your guy is not a blog visitor.
Delete