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Wednesday, March 02, 2022

Couch Convo - The Disadvantages Of Dating Down For Women...

 You have to read this and decide if you agree or not.......









DISADVANTAGES OF DATING DOWN


On the disadvantages of dating down for women. My mother would pull my ears and impress it on me to NEVER date down. Date someone in the same station as me or date above me. But NEVER down. Because a man will be a man.


 A man’s poverty does not guarantee loyalty or kindness or goodness. My mum would often say if a rich man foks up, you will feel better than a poor man whom you had dumbed down for and had spent your money for and on, fokin you up.


 Why should a woman not date down? This is my reason - I believe that the typical African man’s ego can not live with a woman who is more successful than him. Instead of him to up his own game, he goes for the easier option to him - pull the woman down to his own level. And frustrate her till she gives in to him.


 The other day, my friends (guys and ladies) in a WhatsApp group were discussing about how the Williams sisters are married to white men after dating black men. They posited that they are quite likely happier with the white men who support them than with black men who will suppress them. I kept quiet because it was too close to home for me. The old woman shivers when dry bones are mentioned.


 I have seen this problem of women who married down, being frustrated by their husbands, time and time again. Of course, we will have exemptions to this rule. There will be a few black men who will not suppress a higher level woman. These men will be their wives hype men and cheerleaders and wings beneath their wives wings. But these men are few and far between. The typical black man will frustrate his wife whom he married up to from my experience. They will be paranoid too. 



They will believe that her success comes from sleeping around. While doing this, they will STILL spend her money and fleece her of it. Their ego won’t stop them from ‘chopping her money’. Nope. I know someone whose husband would tell her to bring her panties when she came back from work. He would tell her that he found her smell intoxicating and would smell her panties. Years later, when he had successfully frustrated and pulled her down to his level of mediocrity, he stopped smelling her panties. That was when she realised that he had been smelling her panties to check if she was sleeping with someone else. 



No s#xual intoxication kankan anywhere. What I don’t understand is this - these men know that they cannot abide peacefully with a woman from a higher rung in society yet, these are the women they go for! They won’t go for their level. Why? I am STILL not understanding this.

 Why not marry the woman that you know you can live with?


 The mediocre woman that blends with your mediocrity? Why approach a high flying woman for love, woo her and then proceed to fuk her up? If you already married down and are being fuked up by your husband? The Lord is your mosu o. If you can make it work, try. If you ask yourself ‘is this life of mediocrity what my life is about?’ ‘do I want to continue to be fukd up and stopped from achieving my highest potential by the person that is supposed to be my support?’ 



If you know the answer is no, please get out. He will continue to fuk you up. He will continue to frustrate you. Better you get out while you are still young and can catch up, than later, when catching up will be tougher for you. If you have however not yet married and are dating down? STOPEET! 



Date your level or above you. Avoid being stopped from achieving your potential. Mitigate against the frustration of being frustrated by the man who is supposed to be in your corner. Sleeping with the enemy is dangerous.


 Never trust the humility of a poor man.

Sent in by Blog Visitor

61 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. This advice shouldn't be only for women. Men too shouldn't date or marry down. Everybody, marry your class. We shouldn't encourage gold-digging by any gender. Stick to your social class and make progress from there together.

      Delete
    2. It's so funny that abroad, it's the men that are gold diggers and in Africa, it's the women. Guys abroad will ask you "what do you do for work" before asking for your name, your response will determine if they would continue the conversation or not.

      Delete
    3. The truth is women are better at scaling up to meet up with their partner's status

      The reverse is the case many times as resentment won't stop him eating her money yet despising her for it

      Delete
  2. Insightful. Thanks πŸ‘

    ReplyDelete
  3. Consequently,the number of mature single ladies will swell hugely.
    #THATOGOJADUDE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Level up

      Delete
    2. I'm up already except financial viability .

      Delete
  4. I married down, yes he dragged me down to his level and then was disgusted with my appearance cos according to him 'you are not glowing as you use to' It's a very long and sad story hopefully I'll have the courage to share someday. I thank God everyday that I walked away when I did. I've found my footings again, about rounding up my Master's degree program, had to resign from where I was working and relocated but I'm glad I got a better job now. I tell people I'm not sure I would have been alive if I had not walked away. I have my daughter as my consolation for all I went through, she is my pride. He has not even bothered to call or even send a dime for his daughter, we are good and well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I married one, he's doing business and very comfortable, but his brought up is still dragging him down with serious poverty mentality. He's a graduate but writes and speaks like a primary 1 pupil, someone with 3 trailers working for him and other investments, yet the highest money he has ever given me was 15k to buy clothes in December 2020, after making a profit of over #3m that very month, he can't even spend 20k to enjoy himself.

      I on the other side, I work in a corporate organization as a marketer, I once followed him to police station when his driver had an issue, they all thought I'm a lawyer.

      He's so insecure when we go out together as I always attract people, always keeping malice for a very silly thing you can think of. He will say I'm not submissive because I don't use to beg him whenever we're having issues, on things I'm not at fault. 3 years marriage, we've had over 200 disagreement, yet, he's always the architect of the fight. Met him a virgin at 30 plus, yet, nothing can make him appreciate me. Always comparing with his ex who left him with pregnancy that later aborted the twins pregnancy. We've been keeping malice since last week now. Trying to move on with my child anytime soon.

      Some men are not just brought up well biko

      Delete
    2. 15.46 I think you should calm down and find his Mimi button. Everyman has one. If arguments and disagreements is not solving issues, try another approach like take the blame at the heat of things and going back to talk it over when things cool down. 3year old marriage? There is definitely a way around it since he is not violent. You can try maximize the communication and romance between you both when things are fine so that when there is a quarrel it won't good too far or too long. Don't forget you will be doing this for yourself as it is you who will enjoy the love and bond and peace when you eventually find his mumu button. Make sure you are not sabotaging yourself with the many quarrels and fights.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous 15:46, seems you want to sabotage your marriage with your hands. It's obvious there's lack of communication and probably romance too. Both of you are having pride too, so you both are waiting for who to resolve a quarrel first, you think single parenting is ideal, well hope you don't learn from experience. Your issues are self-inflicted and easily resolvable, change your attitude and see your husband change too. You have his mumu button in your hands, use it madam, forget what you see on social media and work on your marriage. #mytwocents

      Delete
  5. Why you think a rich man won't do same to you is baffling. Instead of advising women to marry up, whatever that means, why not advise them to marry godly. Your writeup is misleading, everything is not about money, I married a very broke man and I don't think I married down. Go with your marry up in peace and leave us alone. Happy Marry Up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stop being defensive and look at the bigger picture.

      Delete
    2. Did you try to understand the write up? The writer said,"My mum would often say if a rich man foks up, you will feel better than a poor man whom you had dumbed down for and had spent your money for and on, fokin you up." That you marry a broke man and everything turned out well doesnt mean others are this lucky. Many men with poor upbringing and poor mentality cant stand a successful woman.

      Delete
    3. Why are u always against advise that dont align with your situation? Were u forced to marry a very broke man, according to you?

      Well, you should've married a godly man, instead of a very broke man.

      Happy marry down sha, and stop complaining when people do what sits well with them.

      Delete
    4. Olomo, blackberry and the anon up there, face front, I said what I said. And I count myself lucky everyday. Try changing your mindset maybe just maybe you won't die lonely....

      Delete
    5. 15:11, I'm happily and comfortably married.
      Being married is not a gateway to heaven. Stop trying to shame people with their marital status.That's usually what happens when you marry down πŸ‘‡πŸ€£

      Delete
  6. My current situation. Married to one. My phones are all tapped. Monitoring me every time. I feel so scared these days. Let this man no kill me one day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Start planning your exit. Just make small steps, save money little by little, have a safe place you can run to incase of emergency, send voice notes to some trusted family members and friends, things like that. It doesn't get better, I dated one and I ran away, my saving grace was that my sister lived in the same town and by coincidence, I had never showed him my sister's house. He tried very hard to trace me, sent embarrassing messages to her, my ex boyfriend and all his friends but I stood my ground. Wish you the best sis, my you be strong enough to move when the time comes.

      Delete
    2. You know what to do why you still can. If a man feels insecure with you, its only a matter of time before he makes life miserable for you.

      Delete
    3. Please why should you worry that your phones are tapped by your husband.

      You should be worried he is wasting time and money he should put in production of goods or services for income.

      If guy man wastes his productive time listening to nothing or your official talk shame on him. But if, ... hmn.

      I know a man. Despite how men are presented here and in comedy skits about their phones, his phones are open 24/7/365. He only told his wife "please don't read messages there because I use it for private business of clients and of my siblings". That did not stop the wife from reading. So he left it like that. Guess who was first caught trying to get involved with a third party. Yet she married up o.

      Who says upper men don't monitor their wives? Oh, I forgot. The badness of upper men are bearable. So women dating or married to upper men should stop sending chronicles henceforth?

      Look, any woman who carries the "I marry down" attitude into a relationship or marriage is likely to face challenges from her man / husband or his family. Men who have the same attitude face the same challenges.

      Delete
  7. The leeches and boys (Not men) will not be happy about this article in a bid to cover their broke self they'd say "Men don't date a broke woman that has only her pussy to offer" for you to be meeting girls that have just pussy to offer says a lot about your type because since time immemorial I have never seen where a man brags so much about his wife being the bread winner of the family but this generation normalise it. Let's not even front like it's not the duty of a man to take care of his family while the wife assists but these day? The man happily sit at home worst till they cheat on the woman feeding them,they have a side piece they feed with the woman's money.
    I will keep saying it I don't dig gold I dig diamonds I'm not and never will be the one to date down God forbid. My home girl and one of her friends were having a discussion I was in their midst too..they were talking about their other friend that assisted this guy and stood by him when everyone wrote him off God so kind the boy started seeing changes now he's okay,but guess what he reminded my home girl's friend about that one time he ate the last food at home,she came back from work and she didn't get anything to eat so she was mad this man was home all day doing nothing but still have the audacity to eat the last meal yet he claimed that as the reason for breaking up with her. Anyhoo,the friend moved on and God being God blessed her with her soulmate now ol' man is crying to whoever cares to listen that he wants her back! Such crassness in men. Smh I don't know what you do but I'd advise you ladies never date a broke man and DO NOT EVER SETTLE FOR LESS don't ever let any person guilt trip you. I saw a post that said "Women are becoming the men they wanted to marry" I agreed to that post 'cause that is fact!I mean they can't even stand a successful lady because hell! She won't put up with their chilish behaviour.

    ReplyDelete
  8. it always ends in premium tears

    ReplyDelete
  9. When you say marry up, what makes you think you are higher than the man because you have money more than him. Is that how it is measured? LMAO.... We need to think better please

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes it does.

      If you're broke just say so.

      A successful woman will always be higher with a broke one.

      If you can't relate that's your problem.

      Delete
  10. in Most cases when the man is good and doesn't have issues, his family members will start putting ideas into him and before you know it, problems will arise.
    It's also same in terms of academics. Any idea the woman brings she will be termed as "know know". The family will say she's too expose y
    For you , choose someone else. I once dated a guy who said I can't go for PhD because he is yet to get his master's degree. That was how I left him .

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thing is, as a guy, dont think of settling down if you ain't financially strong. Same thing they tell women, if you have nothing doing at all , dont think of settling down coz you may face disrespect, and disdain.

    ReplyDelete
  12. To me it's not about marrying Up or marrying down. Pray for a good man or woman. Your own God given person. ShikenaπŸ‘Œ

    ReplyDelete
  13. Na broke men broke them no kill person. If you are reading this blog and you are broke, or married to broke men, do not I repeat do not think you are shortchanged. The so called people advocating to marry rich men are very unhappy. Marry rich man marry rich man na so you go enter one chance. Instead marry a man that fears God, that's the better advise.

    ReplyDelete
  14. ... A man is not defined by what he drives, but by what drives him.

    Poster have you heard that saying before? A millionaire today could turn a beggar tomorrow.. Especially in this economy, life happens 🀷🏽🀷🏽

    So I would rather say, marry who believes in what you believe and has the fear of God. Because that fear of God is what would restrict the man from misbehaving when the chips are down.

    Also don't enter a relationship with the mindset of "in case he fu**k up". You would have successfully jinxed yourself.

    MARRY SOMEONE MALE OR FEMALE WHO HAS THE FEAR OF GOD ALMIGHTY.. (that is the beginning of wisdom). 🚢🏻‍♀️🚢🏻‍♀️🚢🏻‍♀️

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm more enlightened and exposed than my husband and this has been my undoing. any little things brings quarrel, He calls me " Miss too know all".

    He always asks for my opinions and the minutes i told him, he says i have pride and i feel like i knows it all.
    these days, whenever he asked anything, my responses is always " I DON'T KNOW O". at least i have peace now

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it's inferiority complex which is typical in such cases.
      have a talk with him and let him know that no matter your exposure, He's still the head of the family and you respect him as your husband, so he should stop feeling like you have pride.

      Delete
    2. My husband just argues blindly, lying sometimes just to score points. It's tiring abeg.

      Delete
    3. This is exactly the problem with such situations. But people on here are making it about money, gold digging, etc. I don't know if it's a comprehension problem, or they're just gas lighting out of their own insecurities.

      Delete
    4. Lily rose

      You got it

      Ego and insecurity be making men act oppressive and foolish on top of being inadequate financially or in other areas

      Delete
  16. This is the reason why most fights over a man is full steam.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Marrying a good man should be the major goal.. when u marry the wrong person either up down or middle doesn't matter,it will hunt u

    ReplyDelete
  18. Everything is not about money na. You married down and all this wahala happened. I don't know what all this marrying up or down is. I just know that if someone is not on your "level", you either drag him or her to your level or stoop to his or hers. Either way, you're making a sacrifice and you shouldn't blame anyone but yourself when the rewards are not forth coming. It's a sacrifice you made..you should be able to live with the consequences as with its rewards. Just asking, so the men who marry ladies of humble beginnings should be discouraged from marrying such girls and stick to girls that can afford to buy them breakfast, lunch and dinner from 6-star restaurants during the entire course of the marriage abi? πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„Since we're all misbehaving na. Stopeet jor.πŸ˜’

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BlackBerry, some things you have to learn from. Read, read and read until you get it. I married a broke and a godly man too and I count my self lucky everyday, can you say same madam marry up. STFU. All of you replying my comment face front or don't. Na ritual them go use una do.

      Delete
    2. See how you are hyperventilating up and down like the post hit a nerve. Who send you? Sorry for the emotional pain the post caused and nope your husband is not godly else you wont be defending him upandan on anonymous platform. Ndi godly, na una get bad mind pass. Wicked people.

      Delete
    3. Loll, hungry and broke and dumbed down. Kai! Only you? You were not informed? Kpele. Buahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

      Delete
    4. What kind of misbehavior is this gan?..must we all agree? You pipu should stop all this nonsense jare. If you marry up, Good! If you marry down, Better! If you nor marry at all, Best! What's next?! Behave yourselves abeg.😀😀 Oro oshi!

      Delete
  19. The must stupid write up I have read this year.
    If you want to do your hoelosho biz, just do it in peace and stop looking for justification for it.
    Mothers are the ones that push their daughters to becoming hoes, bring rich man, find rich man, etc, that's why we have been shouting it never to make a hoe a housewife. A mother-hoe would definitely hustle through her kids when she can no longer hustle through her body, the result- hoe daughters, yahoo boy sons, just like we're witnessing already, with everyone trying to justify their nonsense.

    See that example of the husband smelling her pants as if rich husband too can't do it, a stupid person is a stupid person whether with money or without and you go see pepper if you roll with them,. Was it not on this blog on this week that someone wrote about how a lady was smelling her husband dick when he returned home with her cousin.. what do you have to say about that one?

    I no surprise say na one of this blog girl send this rubbish as the ones weh get sense here no reach 5..

    Within the last 2 days I have seen trash on twitter that has proved that getting a sensible black girl is just like the proverbial camel going through the eye of a needle.. is it the one turning going on a date as a way to get money and that other one saying we don't know what it cost to be a fine girl in Lagos, or is it that thread of those black American ladies talking about how their mom told them they should never complain of being broke when they have a wet pussy, and how they agree with their mom.. later you'll see these same stupid girls demanding for respect. Respect for what actually?

    Make Una just dey go meet Una Yahoo boys in peace make Una dey teach Una self lesson.. I no get strength to dey follow wall talk everyday. You girls are irredeemable..

    If Una see typo, na Una Sabi.. I'm not proofreading this shii.. Una no deserve clean write up devoid of gbagun.πŸ˜πŸ™„

    Nonsense and ingredients🚢🚢

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dante,do you know what?Most times you get attacked even when you make salient points, because of the crass manner with which you write.You must not write like a dolt,to get your points across.Learn to communicate better.

      Delete
    2. Ode,18.28
      If you post crass write up or comment, you'll get crass reply✌️

      Delete
  20. For men that'll read this trash and still marry down.. just know you're part of the problem.

    Let everyone marry their level..

    Broke girls weh dey Hustle data here every week sef dey talk about marrying down.. na all these SIMP men I blame wey give Una mouth to fit talk.

    Rubbish

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never knew u were broke oo, I used to think u get sense and small money. See simple write up, u dey para. Anyway,the poster made good points. It's for u to tule yaa obi and choose.

      Delete
  21. its not a bad thing to marry down as a lady, you might be his grace needed to make it in life. It's just that most guys tend to misbehave after making it and start maltreating the lady that was there with them when they had nothing.

    One of my cousins married a guy, a mere teacher as at then with petty salary of 30-40k. Her dad gave them a car and a house as wedding gifts, with his connection, the guy got a good paying job. today they are well established and doing fine, y'all need to see the way he pampers her. He uses every opportunity to appreciate her for not looking down on him and for being his ladder to greatness.

    whether you marry down or you marry up, it still won't stop a man that wants to misbehave from misbehaving. just pray to marry a responsible being.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Everyone should marry their level. Not just women.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Drag down abi going up??
    It is easier for a man to date a lady below his level than a lady dating a man below her level.
    Forward ever.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Don't ever date a vision less man. Some men these days are lazy looking for women they will you as an escape route.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I "dated down, married down," was laughed at etc.
    Today, with 6 kids, both of us are up and the envy of those that laughed.
    Money is so fleeting and it develops wings and fly away. Marry due to Good character and
    not base it on good bank balance. If you know Jesus, marry whom the Spirit of Christ leads
    you to. He alone knows the heart.

    ReplyDelete
  26. My sister married down. Genius IQ from a good family and she married a criminal who dumped her and the kids with my parents until she got a better job then he came crawling back like the good for nothing, jobless cockroach that he is. Made her to lie to us to collect money for him to spend on himself. Always interfering in our family business. We were pitying her and helping out but that has stopped. We just ignored them and face our lives. You cannot be stoopid forever so we wait until she receives sense.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Life in reality is complicated,things are not as simple or as readable as we think,marry who makes you happy.

    ReplyDelete

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