Hmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
RETURNING THE BRIDE PRICE WHEN THE MARRIAGE CRASHES
Please house, l need solution. I am from Enugu, married to imo man. My marriage has crashed but husband and his people have refused to collect his Bride price for months now. And according to our tradition, you can't transfer the money. What should I do?
Hmmmmm, if they are refusing to come over to pick up their bride price, then go over to them with the money in an envelope... You dont have to go, you can send someone over!
All this bride price business is rubbish do registry wedding. Throw the bride price inside shalanga and move on
ReplyDeleteYou have two options:
Delete1. Your people can take it to their Igwe/traditional ruler.
2. Go to the customery court in his community and submit it. They will even give you a document to prove it (divorce settlement).
My uncle’s ex wife went to the traditional leaders and gave them the bride price, then pasted on the walls of their palace that she has been officially divorced, also pasted in our compound in the village.
DeleteThis way, nobody can say they didn’t know, uncle that has been doing “Jackie Chan” for years don cast. I laughed heartily when I heard it. Evil relatives!!!
The rate of divorce from us igbos is alarming. I dare say it has to do with the way most of our men were raised. It is well.
ReplyDeleteAs for you poster, go and meet their village elders to mediate.
First paragraph 👍
DeleteOur tradition is extremely patriarchal. And guess who are the gatekeepers and chief enforcement officers? Women. But it's changing. The misogyny is not as bad as it used to be. Hopefully, it will get better and that means more divorce by women who are able to nurture a healthier self-esteem.
DeleteNope. Na because igbo men no dey accept you modern women manipulation again...most igbo men like me will toil day and night to provide for everything their family, in return you women will not want to do your part. You want to follow the man dey drag and do boss lady cos of wetin you read on blogs and on instagram ...and a typical igbo man like me will not tolerate that...
DeleteWho raised up the men. Who are raising up the boys now? Are the boys being raised differently? Some who complained about the men yesterday, have sons as men being complained about today.
DeleteWhat does that English proverb says again? - The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
17.37 Goan rest you will marry your type. A typical Igbo woman
DeleteRepaying bride price is not done by proxy. A family member must be present to accept it back. If they are redusing, you can send your relative to the Traditional Ruler of your Ex and give him same with some elders and he will inturn send for their family members and give them the bride price back.
ReplyDeleteI concur. Don't listen to woke people telling you nonsense. When the issues from this arises in the future, it'll be like a nightmare. This advice seems best.
DeleteWhere I am from in Enugu,you go to a particular place and drop the money on the floor,if your spouse refuses to collect it.
ReplyDeleteThat's your village method.. Interstate marriage dissolution is not that easy.
DeleteMatters Arising...I'm here to learn
ReplyDeleteStella it doesn't work that way na, one person didn't go to pay the bride price, so one person cannot return it, if she can get like 3 persons from her side, plus a mediator to go see the man's people, then it will be resolved. They'll try to frustrate her Kos they don't like that returning bride price thing, they want the woman to stay and manage the suffering.
ReplyDeletePoster sorry ooo, just make sure to go with an imo state man while returning it.
Eeii what a question? let me tell you how my cousin's wife did it when they refused taking back the bride price. She went to his mum's shop (her ex mother inlaw) in the market, dropped it there, told my aunt "that's your son's bride price" and left.
ReplyDelete👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🙌🙌🙌🙌 no time for radarada nonsense...
DeleteMale members should go to their family and drop the money. No sitting down, eating kola nut and no hosting. Just drop the money with any male figure and turn around.
ReplyDeletePoster, who acted as your witness? He is the person that can return the money with any member of your family. It should not be a problem..
ReplyDeleteThat person is from Imo State and knows the process. Contact him
If the guy's family refuses to take back the bride price, your dad and 2 or 3 elders should return the money back to his father or his people (in their village). Also go with an empty keg of palm wine, which must be broken before they step out of the compound. This signifies that the marriage has been dissolve.
ReplyDeleteI feel few months after your marriage crash is too early to return bride prize except you intent remarrying immediately. Hold on for like a year and let things cool down well. Let your parents and an elder from your side go to your husband's family and speak with his parents or the eldest man in his family on your intention to return the pride price. If they refuse to collect it. Let them go home with the money and give them another few weeks. Then your parents should visit your husband's traditional ruler and inform him of their intentions. The traditional ruler will ask them for more time to speak with your husband's family. Few weeks after if you did not hear anything from the traditional ruler,, Your people should go back to him and demand that the bride price be dropped with him for onward transfer to your husband. He has no option than to accept it but if he does not, your representative should go to your husband's village and drop it in his compound. Make sure someone saw them drop the money.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how desperate you are to get totally free from that marriage. Handle the return of pride prize well.
Go to their elders or obi's and table your matter
ReplyDeleteLet your elders brothers and some elders from your family go together to return the bride prize but don't go with them.,of they refused they should drop it there for them and turn back..
ReplyDeleteYour ex husband does not have a family home?
ReplyDeleteSend your people to drop it and go?
What's the meaning of this unnecessary rubbish?
Let them frustrate themselves with bride price.
This brideprice rubbish should have been scrapped centuries ago.
Thank you Anon…what’s all these bride price drama’s about? Do Yorubas do this return? Because I am exhausted seeing women held back because their exes no wan collect
DeleteWhen it is said here women should stand against it, some women have all types of excuses in support of it. Some women from tribes where it is emphasized even see it as one up for them over women from tribes where it is not a big part of the marriage ceremonies. Very archaic tradition. But most women only hate the consequence as in this post.
DeleteThank God. Some fathers now return it to the couples immediately after the marriage ceremonies with prayers on it as seed matrimonial wealth for the couples.
Yorubas no dey for this kain arrangement oh. Marriage wey Don end Don end, everybody dey waka.
DeleteNo time for iregbe, begging someone to collect wetin?
The mediator is from my town. We have also given him option of going to my brothers house in Lagos to collect it, he refused even though he resides there too. It's our tradition that'complicated everything cos it's says it's the man that will come and collect by himself or send his people on his behalf.Somone is suggesting going to customary court. Anyone with information on that please enlighten me 🙏
ReplyDeletePoster it is you and your people's job to go to their home town and return it.
DeleteWhat a tradition. Poster people from your side have given their advice above, take one or more of them.
ReplyDeleteMy bil's own,he refused to accept so the girl went to the king of his village and he was summoned.
ReplyDelete