Stella Dimoko Domestic Violence Narrative...


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Monday, April 11, 2022

Domestic Violence Narrative...

Since the Death of gospel crooner Sister Osinachi Nwachukwu due to Domestic Violence, a lot of people are opening up on the social media about similar cases.........

The Narrative goes....

''I remember it like it was yesterday. This death brought back floods of memories.
She was a young, beautiful and energetic lady. I always admired her full shut and how her black skin glittered. You couldn't miss her smile because she wore it like an earrings

It was the year 2008 if I remember correctly when news of her death came in. I didn't know whether to cry or be angry...

Why? Why? Was what I kept asking
Why would you do this to yourself?
Why would you do this to your kids?
Why will you choose death?

You see, this distance relation of mine was always being abused by the father of her children and each time she would feel there was something she was doing wrongly.

All efforts to point out the beast in him even after he constantly aims for her neck during fights fell on deaf ears. She had an unusual swelling on her neck from constant choking. Even with the swelling, the man will still aim at the swollen area while beating her and all the while assuring her that he will kill her
She would pack out of the house and then the man would move on like nothing happened. Why? Because he knew she would be right back and true true she go go back

I couldn't understand it

Did she enjoy the Abuse?

Did she like her life being threatened?

Was she not being advised?

She finally decided that it was enough after escaping death narrowly
I was there when she came home that day and requested for help. She cried her eyes out recounting their journey in life

A distant sister who is in the abroad stepped in, she offered her treatment and help booked an appointment with a specialist for her goiter and promised to foot medicals, accommodation, feeding, business money etc
We were all happy! Perhaps her reason for not leaving was because she had no where to start

She was a given a condition. She was never to return to the man
We were all happy! When she reaffirmed that she was done with that relationship
She died precisely 9 days to her doctors appointment


Nearly two week after she left the house, her baby daddy brought in another woman. She decided that she would make her marriage work and no strange woman will break her home

Long story short! She died her third day in that house. The man beat her up again and choked her to death

Here is how the story ended

She was left to rot at the mortuary (Another long story) she was never buried by her People

The man's new babe birthed a child 6 months after this whole incident. They are living happily ever after. No! KARMA wasn't a b*itch in his case
The children? The man's aged mum assumed the role of a mother since new wife refused to care for another woman's children

Na who die loose
Women often make excuses on why they don't leave abusive marriages. They claim they do it for their kids

Others say they don't have money to start their lives etc
Those are lies in my opinion
They are looking for a reason to stay

Leave to live! Do it for your children if doing it for yourself is not a good enough reason''

- By Eruore Eribo Facebook


  1. It's better they speak up while they are still alive.

  2. A read a story yesterday on Facebook in one platform about one CHINYERE OGUDORO.

    Chinyere Ogudoro arrived Nigeria from Scotland and was received by her younger brother in lagos at midnight her Horseband set the house they were in fire and burnt her and her younger brother to death out of anger because, he found it out that his name was not in the document for the house she bought.

    Very scary and heartbreaking 💔 😢
    stories this days

    1. 😲omg,what is really going on?
      This is so scary to imagine😔

      Dear God please heal our heart❤😪

    2. That story pained me, especially as her kids are in a foreign land with a dead mother, dead uncle, and a criminal father in jail.

      The attack was premeditated because I read that 2 days before, he shut off the water from the borehole main switch, meaning that he didn't want them to have any means of help or escape at all. How can you have that mind for someone you claimed to have loved? He neve loved her at all.

      Chinyere and husband and kids relocated to Glasgow on her study visa and then later only the husband left back to Nigeria. I'm sure he left because he knew the consequences of abusing a woman in that part of the world and planned for her to come back home so he would show her pepper. I just wish she hadn't gone back and focused on building a life for herself there.

      Now I wonder what will happen to the kids, and what uk home office and Nigerian embassy are planning.

      So so sad.

    3. OMG!!!!!

  3. Love is truly blind . For singer Osinachi eyes her hubby is handsome. But in thy eyes of the audience all we see is an Epe in human form. RIP Nwanyị ọma

    1. Sadist,monster,animal

      See face like lion 🦁

      That man is evil and he will not end well.

  4. Ladies, it's not up to you to "make your marriage work". It's a collective effort. Love yourself so fiercely, that you know to leave when you are being treated like garbage.

    Everyone likes to quote the verse about submission, forgetting that below that verse comes the charge for husbands to love their wives as they love their own bodies, for everyone who loves their body nourishes and cherishes it, and does not being harm to it.

    It's so sad that society and the church place the burden of change on the woman, of being the one to walk on tiptoes, to check her attitude, without expecting any reciprocity from the man. The man is exempt from change, he is told he is the head and the man and no one dates challenge him. Forgetting that the verse that talks about that likens men being the head to christ being the head of the church and dying for her so that she is blameless before God. How many 'heads' can die for their wives?

    Let us not act like the Church has no role to play. Our legal system is trash and most of us run to church for help or for advice. The day the church stops seeing divorce and divorcees a stigma, a lot of things will change. Yes, God hates the institution of divorce, but he doesn't hate you, my sister. He would rather you leave alive than die with a ring. Divorce was allowed in the OT because of the hardness of the Israelites' hearts, and men today are even more hardened than that. God loves you, let that be a reminder always, and nothing you do will ever make him stop, not you leaving an abusive marriage, an adulterous husband (because cheating is abuse too-emotional abuse), and demanding to be treated just like who He made you- free, loved, and redeemed.

    I hate reading about DV and death opening those posts because I just wish things could be different. I wish they would damn the people talking, their family members, and their irresponsible church members and just leave, especially if they have the means. Your children will resent you for not leaving, and they will in most cases, side with their abusive parent because they never want to be in that position of weakness, and grow up to become abusive themselves. It's a cycle.

    The tithes and offerings that churches collect, instead of buying private jets and sending their kids abroad, and building multi-billion naira auditoriums and calling it God's house (as if God wasn't present when the early Church had their services in a room), pastors should build women's shelters, help children suffering from the effects of abuse, and double down on men, because I'm sure if men are preached to the way women are, and the command to love is emphasised to them the way the command to submit is to women, things may be different (but again maybe not, because dey get coconut head and toxic masculinity is rampant).

    I'm just tired abeg.

    1. you fools will always come to attack the does the story like that sound like what a pastor would have helped? do you know pastor funke adejumo has a shelter for abused women? do you know what some churches do? have you ever been involved in counseling abused women? if you have not just shut your mouth and teach your daughters and sons to do right...the church is the least of problems...the bible says God hates divorce so no pastor will tell you to divorce. i do not know any pastor that will tell you to die in a marriage except he is also a wife beater...counsel abused women and the first thing you will realize is they hide it well till dem taya. even if you advice them they go back till they see the light. society and our traditions are the real problem not the church.

  5. I don't know why they always go back! This "what will people say" has killed many people.
    That's how my mom's best friend died too. The husband has been abusing her for years. She managed to leave, after many pleas, from even her 4 sons. Stayed separated for 2yrs. The man didn't even beg her. Only for her to wake up one day and go back because a woman's place is with her husband! I remember how disappointed and angry my mom was.
    Less than 6mths after her return, she mysteriously had fracture of the bones. From one small fall. Her son took her to his home in ph and she was undergoing treatment for more than a year. Husband didn't visit her. She started getting better.
    One day, out of the blue, baba came to visit. And left the same day. Body changed overnight. All her bones started breaking one by one. You lift her hand, bone will break. Turn her on the bed, another bone will break. That's how this woman was in excruciating pains till she died😭😭

    Oya burial day, it's their culture for the man to decide where to bury his wife. This man went to dig one grave just corner of the soakaway! Hah that woman suffered. God will punish that man sha! Carrying girls upandan now in warri😭

    1. What a painful way to die

    2. Chimuoooooooo my heart ooooooooh!!!!!
      Painful even unto death.
      Fidel this story is heartbreaking!

    3. chai,so painful. may her soul rest in peace.

      this Osinachi death is paining me and bringing painful memories of my parents to the surface. is no wonder I don't have a loving relationship with my parents. I hate my father for being an abuser. and I hate my mum for not loving us enough to leave even after we begged her to.Now she hates my sister because she left her marriage because her husband was abusing her. I'm just tired.

    4. Raquel tell your sister not to bother

      Your mother does not know better!

    5. So in the end he buried her in shyt, just like he treated her in life. That is one sad story, beyond sad indeed.

  6. Sad tales everywhere.
    In all let's Say no to domestic violence.

  7. There will be other cases. People will forget Osinachi and the man will be released from prison. Life will go on.

    Before marriage it is important to have a source of income, so that if anything goes down you have the means to leave. Inukwa yesterday's chronicle, asking her to send bank statement so that she will not "lose guard". They look for women who have no resources, alienate them from family, and that controlling attitude turns to emotional and then physical abuse.

    The woman too is sometimes unable to leave after DV because she's been broken mentally, even before being hit physically. She, in most occasions, has been convinced she is worthless and helpless and cannot make something better for herself if she leaves.

    Culture and society also tell her not to allow a fellow woman break her home. meanwhile the amn himself has torn down the home to shreds with his hands and the woman is meant to fix it because "a wise woman builds her home". Madam what are you building? There is no home to build.

    1. Marriage is a joint efforts

      Lazy animals feeling the most entitled

  8. The devil just used this man to kill a voice that can push ppl to repentance. The only reason ppl are against the man is bcos the woman died, if she survived and moved out, I bet a lot of ppl will ostracize, condemn and ridicule her, including church leaders, members, even that her own family. We are hypocrites like that.

  9. My own is that after everything another woman will rush to be the man's new wife because "husband is scarce"

    Some of you women should have pity for yourselves.

    After this news, that Osinachi's husband will still marry another woman that read about her death.

    1. Many low self esteem women think rather stupidly that without a man they are nothing and a dysfunctional society reinforces this thrash

  10. The Original ShugarGirl11 April 2022 at 12:31

    And it is written, Love your neighbour AS (you have loved) YOURSELF.

    How else would God have put it so that the order of things become very clear?

    First loves yourself
    Then extend EQUALLY that love to everyone else.

    Self love is mandatory while same is expected of you to your neighbour.

    Else you are either a fool or a beast.

    You don't have to choose either one of those by being wise. Loving yourself in the face of torture/abuse isn't as sin.

  11. Me i b black sheep for any church progs concerning marriage seminars and motivational talks
    I no dey wait for any of these progs
    Make dem no come brain wash me say make i dey pray for an adult boy wey him mama n family don plant African mentality for him skull say he b man, he can do n undo, man no dey wash cloth, man no dey sweep floor, if he hits me make i endure
    Olorun maje
    All d single ladies playing with me in d church i don tell dem not to listen to any advice dat will kill them in their marriages
    I no sabi pray o
    The prayer wey i sabi now na how to prosper and make heaven
    I no fit dey pray for man wey dem no train for him family
    I cant die for anybody
    Jesus don die for me on d cross of calvary
    Na Holy Week we dey fa

    1. The Original ShugarGirl11 April 2022 at 12:38

      This 'common' sense wey you get many no get am o.

      Pray bcz say?
      Abi you dey pray for extra life?

  12. Once it's starts happening speak up and leave the marriage if he/she doesn't stop. Don't bother what people will say, your life matters

  13. Na who die loss oh, Eni to ku ni ti e se'gbe.
    I no longer pity anyone who wants to die in the hands of a spouse in the name of staying married, I've become numb.

  14. With this suffering we are going tru In this country,one will still stay and endure a violent marriage or relationship😳😳Suffer no Dey tire u?

  15. That is how one cleric Alfa told us women to always pray endlessly for our husbands only. And if at all the husband is not destiny to make it in life, then we should tell God to transfer our own success and good fortune to our husbands. Foolish man.

    1. The Original ShugarGirl11 April 2022 at 14:36


    2. Oloriburuku akoshibero alatenuje Alfa. So we should change the will of God because one person is destined to be unfortunate?

      Did Khadija ask God to transfer her wealth to her husband? Instead, God gave him his own. What of Nana Balkis/ Bilikisu? Did God impoverish her because of marriage? All these lazy men that use God's name to eat. Ole baa tii, o gba soosi/mosalasi lo: a lazy man, having failed at everything decides to go and learn pastor or Alfa work.

      Instead of these preachers to go and actually work so they can know how easy/ hard it is, they will be going about causing confusion in order to get small change from people.

    3. God forbid, because women don't want wealth and success abi?

    4. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 no be small foolish man

    5. No mind the yeye man 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  16. Dear Stella,
    Please can we discuss on your blog the violent tendencies of Igbo men. I realise that most domestic violence stories come from Igbo men. Even those that kill their wives in the US are mostly Igbo's. It might not be all but a great majority of them are Igbo's. Even my dad and my uncles are all very violent towards their wives. The worst part is even my educated Igbo friends are also violent. I would like this to trend and understand why this is the case.

    1. I so agree with you on this,that was my thoughts exactly when it comes to domestic violence,by the way I am very Igbo..I remember years ago my uncle was having a misunderstanding with his then girlfriend and one of my aunty was saying why didn't you beat the hell out of her,and he proudly said he did and the next thing she said was I trust you na .. I have experienced domestic violence from my dad to my uncle's and relatives while growing up,even dated educated modern Igbo guys who threatened to hit me which of course led me to walk away from the relationships..I really agree with you on this

    2. this same mindset of men are superior and marriage is the ultimate is what they ingrained in osinachi and what made her tolerate all the rubbish that killed her...from a people who do not allow women inherit from their father what do you expect...umuadas are the most wicked collection of women.. go and check what they do to widows. Yet jokers will tell me osinachi died in marriage because pastor said divorce is no option to singles....una dey ment

  17. There is a psychological component to being in an abusive relationship, just like there is with a child being abused by a parent. Physical abuse and mental/emotional abuse usually go hand in hand. Many victims are so worn down mentally that they do not think in a logical manner, this is why they keep going back. Have you ever seen how children go out of their way to do the everything so their abusive parent will love them and treat them good. The abused spouse operates the same way, there is a deep desire to be loved and gross pathetic attempts at placating the abuser in every way possible. Their self-esteem and self-worth are in tatters, they become a shadow of themselves. These women staying and returnung to abusive households require deep deprogramming. Also keep in mind that many women do leave and still end up dead, so leaving while helpful is no guarantee that you will live. Some weigh their prospects of survival based on what the man is saying, they choose to stay because he may have threatened to harm her entire family, parents and siblings included, these threats happen quite frequently from abusers. If she feels he has the means to make those threats a reality, she may choose to stay.

    Too much is put on the backs of these broken women. We need to start spotlighting the abusers. We need to start pushing for harsher sentencing and even removal of access to the children once they are proven abusers. The law still go easy on these men globally. Dog thieves get stiffer and harsher sentences than these beasts in the flesh.

  18. I don't know why we remove the spotlight from abusers and face it on the victim.
    This is blaming the victim mentality and it is horrible.

    We need to stop seeing assault on spouses as domestic violence, we need to make it a criminal case. We need to stop the stignatization on divorcees. It begins with you and I. Churches, organize outreach for divorcees, welcome them in your church. Stop that divorce is not an option.


    1. THE CHURCH IS NOT THE PROBLEM.. THE CHURCH IS NOT THE PROBLEM.. THE CHURCH IS NOT THE PROBLEM..THE CHURCH IS NOT THE PROBLEM.. LET US FACE REAL ISSUES... culture and society has built this mindset in people that "divorce is not an option" alone will influence...can you tell me there were no divorced women in her church? do you know the artist glowreeyaa who sang miracle worker is divorced? do you know how many churches she ministers in? please let us stop this annoying rubbish of blaming the church....divorce should not be an option for you when you think of marriage, that is why they teach singles to look before they leap...osinachi did not look well and she was ashamed to face the stigma of society because she was popular. the church is not the only society people live in. she had family, village, friends, neighbor's etc...i do not know where some people worship but the churches i have ever attended do not discriminate and their singles fellowship is for mature people and divorced or widowed looking to marry again...this woman was not killed by the church...

  19. I feel so bad about Chinyere Ogudoro’s death, I know her one on one though we are not close friends, Ben Ogudoro her husband is also someone I know and see often, we exchange pleasantries, we were actually classmates in LASU, but never know he is so hard hearted, I ‘ve not gotten over the shock of the sad incident, Osinachi’s own happened, it pained me so much cos the death was very avoidable. She could’ve taken a walk long time ago. Her husband is intimidated by her success, inferiority complex is also his problem, he has tried tirelessly to dim her light but couldn’t, so he resorted to hitting and disgracing at every slight provocation, He has so manipulated and inflicted fear in her that she was afraid of him etc she should have just ran away , very painful death. 💔💔😭


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