Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

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Wednesday, May 11, 2022

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

 Hmmmm....





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

AT A CROSS ROAD WITH HUBBY OVER CHILD CARE


Dear Stella, 

I need your advice and Bv's...


I had a child few months ago. My 16 weeks  paid Maternity leave will soon be over. In the part of Europe where i live, we can't afford to pay a Baby-sitter Or Daycare reason being that our Gemeinde doesn't offer subsidy to families who earn certain amount of salary.


 I work 50% but my husband works full-time. 


The issue now is, my husband told me to quit my Job and take care of our baby until she reaches Kindergarten age. But i really don't want to lose my Job because getting a job here is extremely difficult because of language barrier. 


My husband's Job is very flexible, i told him to stay with baby while I'm at work then when I'm back from work he can go to work. But he refused saying that he doesn't want to change his working time. I really don't want to lose this job because i saw hell before i got it. 


I don't know how else to convince my husband about this. I don't want to stay idle. Thank you and have a nice day



Can you ask your employers for home office?  

I think you should not force your hubby to stay back to take care of the baby if he does  not want for the sake of the baby oh....

If your company is registered with the Labour union, you can approach them to see how they can intervene and meet you half way--- If no solution then forget the Job for now and concentrate on the baby, a better one will definitely come.

94 comments:

  1. Please follow Stella's advise

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Work and use your earnings to pay for daycare. Don't focus on how expensive daycare is. The important thing is that you are getting the work experience and learning the work culture and language. If language barrier is a problem, being in a working environment will help you learn faster. When I first relocated, I paid my nanny more than my basic salary but I didn't mind. I didn't want to have any gap on my resume. Working from home wasn't an option then and the job was a great experience I didn't want to lose. If your salary can cover the daycare costs, pay for it and know that you are just working to be lay a good foundation that will make your future job searches a lot easier.

      Delete
    2. Poster, in case you eventually quit your job. You can try blogging or vlogging to keep you busy. A lot of women abroad do it.

      Delete
    3. Some men get scared carrying a baby, especially very fragile babies, not everyone knows how.
      Please don’t force him o
      Just do as Stella has said, or resign for the sake of your child.


      Push up (original)

      Delete
    4. Poster DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB. Stella this your advice sef. Get as e be! Poster if you quit your job, get ready for the end of your marriage. I was once in your position. After I quit my job to stay at home, come and see how my husband became very insulting towards me because he provides everything and I wasn’t working. This man did not even loft a finger to help me with any chores even on the days he’s not working. I suffered for 5 good years before another job came by. Since then, I made a promise to myself never to lose myself like that again. I make good money now and you need to see how my husband respects me now, involves me in his future plans and decisions. Before when I was jobless, he would make decisions without even asking me. His excuse was am I bringing in any money then? And na him tell me to quit my job then oh. Lol. Men! Listen do not listen to your husband and quit that job, find africans that do childcare under the table and pay them cash.

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    5. Please listen to this advice. Getting a job is not easy o. No try am

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    6. Madam, quit your job, it's only for sometime. What is needed here is understanding. It's only for a short time, you can look for something to preoccupy u with. This is how little friction starts.

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    7. @ anon 18:51, your husband is just awful. If a man can insult a woman because she is not bringing in an income because she is taking care of his own child that he planted in her doesn't say much about him. That he respects you now because you are earning makes me weep. Do you know how many husbands support their wives and cherish them for taking care of their children and instilling them with good values. Please oooo, I am sorry you ever had to experience that. And now you only have your husband's respect because you are working. Some these men are just too damn much. Truth be told, every woman deserves an entire year off from work with pay for the stress of carrying a heavy weight inside of her for almost a year and dealing with all the strains and problems of pregnancy. Even this four months the poster is talking about is too little. Imagine putting your baby in daycare in the middle of a pandemic at only four months old. The system is setup against women who want to be mothers. If men were the ones having babies you would see the amount of perks available to them everywhere in this world.

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    8. Anon 23:33. Akuko uwa! You are clearly not married. All you wrote sounds all good and gravy IF THE WORLD WAS A PERFECT PLACE! It ain’t! Do you think my husband knew when he changed and became terrible? It’s unfortunately human nature. Even your own best friend will start to disregard you if they’re footing all your bills. Let alone in the abroad where it’s not easy. Yes he respects me now, because guess what….from me working to making good money my confidence in turn grew. Self esteem grew and I felt like I was worth something. It started to come across even in my response to him. In turn we found ourselves again. Not sitting at home with no adult conversation, hair unbraided and in pjs all day. God forbid!

      Delete
    9. 05:15 he’s a fair weather husband but I’m happy you’re happy

      Delete
    10. 08:55, that was exactly my thought when I read that comment.

      Madam, you are simply trying to excuse his behavior calling it human nature but that's not completely true.

      If a spouse cannot be loyal to you in bad times, then what's the point?!

      Delete
    11. Anon 05:15, my hubby has been footing my bills for more than 8 years of marriage, domesticated and highly spiritual.

      He has never belittled me instead, he has been a supporter of everything I do.
      A man that does not see the good in you when you are jobless is something else.

      Delete
  2. I thought you people said abroad is heaven?

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    Replies
    1. Who said abroad if heaven?
      I recently relocated to the most busy hub in UK and it hasn’t been funny.
      I practically carry out all the house chores I wasn’t doing in Nigeria here because I cannot afford workers.
      My life in Nigeria was luxury, compared to the life I am currently living. Was earning N18m back home and currently on £61k. Plus the monthly rent and tax takes a bulk part of my salary. Noticed that my savings in Nigeria is equivalent to the one here, only that I can nolonger afford luxury like Spa, Driver, Nanny, even to own a car cos I hear parking tickets and insurance will have a better hold on my little income.
      Thanks for reading my nags as that’s what abroad has turned me to😭

      Delete
    2. Quite an ignorant statement filled with jealousy...abroad is not heaven, but most of the west have systems that work...Nigeria..., well ... Is hell on earth!

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    3. Yes, my part of the abroad is. I wouldn't switch places with anyone in Nigeria for anything.

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    4. Remain in nigeria

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    5. Jealousy? Because you are abroad?Not everyone considers Nigeria to be hell.

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    6. I agree with 17:41, honestly, from the deepest part of my heart even if you gave me relocation papers complete without any stress, i do not want. I am doing well here. I have my job and my family. I know i might not do well elsewhere. So not everybody is jealous of abrodians.

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    7. 18:08 get the chance first then come answer again

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    8. Don’t you think this is rather Insensitive? poster asked for advice not lecture

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    9. 18:34, it’s like you didn’t get what i wrote. Some of us don’t want the chance, it’s like you think anybody that can afford to go wants go, no, there are still people like me that can afford to go but aint just interested.

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    10. 18:56 afford to go is not a chance. Get the Pali to stay then reject then we’ll know

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    11. 18.34 some of us have had the chance, used it, and returned to Nigeria, no regrets at all. For me, nowhere like home and I can afford a more luxurious lifestyle here than I had in the UK, I work remotely and still earn £ while living in Nig. It's a win win for me.

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    12. Pali is not passport to heaven na anon πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ you are taking this so seriously I can't help but chuckle.

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    13. I live abroad, I have a good life but one thing I will say is this this "East or West, home is the best", even if your home is a mud house, it is better than that mansion abroad.

      Delete
  3. Please forfeit your job for the sake of the baby, its for your own advantage..A good job will come your way.

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  4. Naturally, baby will take precedence. Meanwhile, you and oga never talked this over b4 baby arrival? Both of you should have been saving little by little before conception and during pregnancy towards daycare.
    Good luck.

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    Replies
    1. I admire your knowledge Ms Sapphire

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    2. Always making sense Sapphire. Well done mama..I've learnt a lot from your comments here

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    3. 😲😲😲

      While some people call me 'anoying'?
      I am blushing like ☺️☺️☺️

      Thank you both.

      Delete
    4. Much love from here too. Learnt a lot from you.

      Delete
  5. Some men sha,why not help your wife ,its not fair sha,your hubby no wan babysit. E be like say you for forget the job

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Because he thinks he’s helping her on top he’s own child

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    2. Hope you guys know you have only heard one side of the matter or one of the couple's perspective of it?

      Delete
  6. Good afternoon all,hope your day is going on well,Stella has said it all,go for her advice,better job will come have faith

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  7. This is nearly the same situation I'm into atm, had to quit my job couple of months ago cos hubby won't wanna help out with the kids. I'm now a stay ahome mum looking after two kids and currently pregnant. When he gets back from work he don't even wanna lift a finger, I do all the cleaning, cooking, laundry and school run, even to sleep by the baby at night he wouldn't, his excuse is that he works. Meanwhile when I was working, I usually do long day and still did all the house chores, child care and school run. Funny enough, he got his stay through me. I'll find time to compose my chronicle to Stella one day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are still making babies for him while your own life is standstill. You people in Africa always see it as sacrifice- it's all good

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    2. Say what??? He got his stay through you and you sef! Why do you keep getting pregnant back to back???

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    3. Some of you women are the architect of your problems. I don't know if you women think babies solve problems, i can't comprehend. I find it naΓ―ve and deceiving when you lot say i just got pregnant. How were you able to avoid pregnancy when single but can't when married is a myth. If you were a virgin still no excuse, family planning works especially when busy with a job and bills . A lot of women know the type of men they are married to, know the situation but are comfortable having babies beats me. You had the first child, he didn't help, you got the second one nothing changed then went ahead to get a third one then you want to send a chronicle, so that we will do what? Bash your husband for you? For a decision and a situation you put yourself into? If you have only one child or two, what will happen? Very funny creatures, one will come cry that the husband is stingy, i shoulder all responsibility yet still create humans with the same stingy man, like how e dey do una? Children are not compensation for marriage, they are real humans who require sacrifice and undivided attention, you ned to be morally, financially and mentally ready before birthing. Too many broken women thinking kids will fix everything...

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    4. I'm the Anon up there, so basically I was on contraceptive pills recommended by my GP (Dr) when I got pregnant this 3rd time, even my Dr was surprised when it happened but said rare cases like that do take place. I personally think my hubby is being ungrateful and unreasonable. Since I helped this guy get his R/permit, he's become so self-centred.

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    5. And you still got pregnant with a 3rd? Wahala no taya you? May God help you o.

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    6. 19:45 we really want kids sometimes. I don’t blame her

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  8. If you make decent money, get a babysitter or daycare and keep your job. It’s not easy to be at the financial mercy of these our men in the abroad

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    Replies
    1. Is it that some of you do it on purpose or you just don't comprehend ENGLISH language. THEY CAN'T AFFORD IT! Eish...

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    2. 16:27 and I just said that she should get one anyway. Come and beat me

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    3. Battle of the Anons🀣🀣🀣

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    4. Gifty 🀣🀣🀣🀣

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  9. I will advise to find a way out,but don't leave your job, while you were pregnant, you would have started making plans.

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  10. You people and talking from both sides of the mouth on this blog. Quit her job is now being chanted because Stella said it tomorrow now una go say 'make your own money..don't leave your job for any man..'. Anyway poster, me I gave up a lot to be hands own for my kids. I live abroad too . My kids are my priority so it was easy for me and my hubby who works full time could not even look after them the way i would want. Do what gives you peace. If hubby has refused then i guess you have no choice in this case. Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sir/Madam every advice given is contextual. Read within the context. In this circumstance, quit the job is the most appropriate thing to do.
      Let’s say the truth, taking care of babies and nurturing them is the primary responsibility of a mother, every other thing is secondary. If the husband does it, fine it is a plus or he is helping out but it comes naturally for a mother, just the way providing for a family is the primary responsibility of a man. If the wife contributes, it is also a plus, she is just helping out. Providing and protecting the family also comes naturally for men.

      I bet you some men wouldn’t know what to do with a crying baby even if you put a gun to their head. Heck, some don’t even know how to carry a baby till they become toddlers. May be, just may be this poster’s husband is like that. Since it’s their first baby, i don’t think it’s even a good idea to leave him alone with the newborn.

      Delete
  11. Nigerians women , una too dey complain. You birth a child, not even up to 3 months all you are thinking is your job, will your husband breast feed the baby if he decides to stay at home.
    When the man now becomes house husband una go start to complain, come and ask my sister who is a medical doctor in Us with a lazy husband, she had to reduce her work load because of stress induced health complications, she will gladly resign to look after the kids if he would foot her bills. As long as the man is willing to take care of the house with his money, let him work . You can look for a not too paying job that you can do online if you still insist on working.
    Bonding with your children is the best job satisfaction a parent can ever have.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Its like you've not seen men that will taunt you with that same decision he twisted your arm to make.
      Her fear of being solely at the mercy of her husband financially and materially is very VALID!! She is scared of not getting a job on returning from her long hiatus, be considerate.
      Poster like one of the first comment, I suggest you sit your husband down again and have a detailed discussion, can you afford to live solely on your husband's salary for now? Can your salary pay a nanny? If yes to both, plead with him to let you pay nanny with your salary while you both rely on his salary at least for the time being.
      If he still insists on you staying at home, get him to COMMIT to paying you a fixed amount every month, and let him know that you are going job searching the moment he starts reneging on paying that monthly allowance.
      Don't worry, doors will open when you're ready to get back into the workforce.
      I wish you all the best.

      Delete
    2. Pray that God will help you in this because even with all these advises, if no consultation to God Almighty, "nke toro Biaty" go better pass you.
      To me, I wouldn't want you to stop your job but God can provide solution to it if you run to Him now.

      What do you want? Tell God about it.

      Delete
    3. Mao, your comment of nke toro Biaty, cracked me up so hard!

      Delete
  12. Poster I think you can still talk things over with your husband to see reasons, you don’t need to shout or force him into it but you can find a way around it by trying to sweet talk him. Some men are difficult with issues like this while others will see nothing wrong with assisting their wife at home.

    You both should have talked about this before you took in but now that the baby is here nothing to talk about rather to go look for a better way to handle it. If you can afford for a relative to come over and assist you with the baby while you continue your work please do so or you can resign till your baby is up to the age they are asking for.

    Getting pregnant the second time you should make sure you discuss with Oga very well before number 2 comes in

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So she should walk on egg shells to have a conversation to her partner???
      Her partner, who pleaded her to marry him on a bent knee????

      Poster, DO NOT quit your job!!! Yes I’m exclaiming! This should have been discussed/planned before baby arrived!! There are infinite classes online to prepare expectant parents for childcare. “I’m a man” doesn’t cut it!
      As others have pointed out, there’s no shame in survival…you can go to an African shop and ask, I’m sure they’d link you up with women that do cheap childcare. There are also mum groups that help each other with childcare.

      Ladies, you really don’t know how blessed you are if your husband is kind

      Delete
    2. Hmm i would not lave a 16 week old with a cheap nanny all day ooooo. Its a difficult situation. The baby is still v young. Thats why i like UK. They give 9 months maternity leave and you can even take more time unpaid and still come back to ur job. Good labour laws

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    3. Canada is 18 months paid!!! I’m going in a month’s time after I give birth. I will travel the globe this 18 months of groove 😁😁

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    4. 5.20 good luck when reality sets in πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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  13. Try and see if u can locate a much cheaper daycare u and ur husband can contribute to pay. There are always such around. Btw, does social security not pay child support? Please look into that, I know most of these countries pay.

    It’s like ur husband is not willing to compromise at all. That’s super unfair. I am not one to advise you to quit ur job because I know how important it is having ur own job in marriage

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    Replies
    1. She already explained that where she resides, if the family earns up to a certain amount, they won’t be qualified for child support.

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    2. Anon, I believe if they earn a particular amount that makes them not be qualified for child support, they can afford daycare if they live within their means

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    3. From her narration, they won’t be qualified for child support yet cannot afford daycare. May be something else takes up all their money. Cos if they could afford daycare then the need for the chronicle wouldn’t have arisen.

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    4. What you believe is not the question here, she already stated her facts in the chronicle.

      Delete
  14. Heaven knows if you lose that job, you will so regret it! Just look for a way to manage the situation. Don't resign because your Hubby wants you to! His true colour will show up within a year if you have to depend on him for everything including Sanitary pad! Ask him if he is willing to be paying you upkeep money and agree on a figure if you are going to resign at all. I have friends athat are going thru all this shit. BTW, am a man oh...resign and bite your fingers within a year!

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    Replies
    1. This.
      To be in a foreign country and relying on this type of man. My sister no try am

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    2. Exactly!! He must fix you on a monthly income if he insists on her resigning, make you no go bite your fingers later.

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  15. Your husband is selfish and uncaring.
    He can't change the schedule of his flexible job yet expects you to quit your job?
    His own child too.
    Tufiakwa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Poster asked for ideas on how to solve her challenge. Without making any suggestions, you abuse her husband and "tufiakwa". So how did you help the poster? Or you just wrote to alight the marriage?

      Just remember you heard only one part of the story especially about the ease of job time change for the man.

      Delete
  16. My dear I understand your fear. Just go on your knees and tell God that you wanna quit your job cos of the fruit of womb He(God) bless your family with and hear your cry when you call Him for another job. Once your baby is seven months, get pregnant for another. Just do it sharp sharp. But your husband has to support you financial

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even in Nigeria where one is surrounded by parents and loved ones, if you get pregnant after just 7months of having a previous baby, stress will almost kill you not to talk of abroad that everybody is on his own.
      Na the first one we still dey settle so, you are telling her to go on round two. Please who exactly do you want her to dump her babies for? And then it means, the work she is eyeing, she might not get to resume till after 2 yrs.

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    2. 17:38 the idea is to hurry up and finish with this phase so she can comfortably place both in daycare and go back to work. If she takes her time having another, she’ll have to stay home longer

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    3. Anon 18:38, the idea of her giving birth to another one in a year plus is a wrong idea with this her situation. Who says she can give 3 years spacing between her children? That way she would have found her footing in the country work wise, and can easily get re Integrated even if she takes a subsequent 1 year break after her second child.

      Delete
    4. 20:01 problem is as a practical matter going in and out of the workforce hurts more than taking a one time extended break and returning. Also when you have kids with closer ages, it really helps with figuring out childcare drop off etc. it’s not easy to drop one here and the other somewhere else

      Delete
  17. You can get someone to take care of your baby while you work. I live in Germany and me and my husband work 100 percent although I work 2 days home office in a week. I made friends with a particular refugee mum with 2 kids. She stays home fulltime and on the days I work , I pay her and she takes good care of my baby. She does not take so much from me because I pay her cash. Just find someone you can trust. Ask in church. Don't quit your job and depend on a man. Remember that your Pension will be so little if you do not work abroad. Think about the future o.

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    Replies
    1. If only she would adhere to this!
      It’s such a shame that mostly African women bear the brunt of childcare, my colleague had to step away from working full time (just as she was about to be nominated for a career changing training/opportunity) because her husband refuses to take care of his own flesh and blood on his days off to enable her work.
      She kept on telling me how lucky I am when last I saw her.
      Our men need to do better!! It’s very pathetic and ridiculous…

      Delete
  18. If you quit your job would you then come into the income requirement to make you qualify for daycare? You can use the time your child is in daycare to go back to school, learn a skill or increase your language proficiency. You could also choose to open an online business that can make you a little money on the side.

    Truth is, as difficult as this may seem, it presents an opportunity if you work it right. Yes, things are hard right now with inflated prices right across the board, but many places are in dire need of skilled workers. Use your head and see if there is a silver lining in the clouds. If not, you will have to stay at home and take care of your child. Asking a man to take care of a four month old baby is a bit much. I would not trust any man with a child that young, especially if they lack patience or cannot deal with the sound of crying. But you know him better than us, and know if he could take care of the baby for a few moments each week.

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  19. I am saddened by the normalization of Nigerian men’s degeneracy as depicted in all the advise given to this lady. Firstly, if you are in a marriage where you and your spouse cannot agree, GET OUT. Secondly, your job, no matter how scarce, is not more important than your baby: if you knew that this would be a conundrum for you, you should have waited, yes waited before you had this baby who has innocently been brought into a contentious situation. Thirdly, all the male coddling i see here is nauseating, my husband who works a high profile job, woke up every night to burp our kids when they were babies after i had breast fed them and never gave me any crap about needing sleep Over being a dad because he, like any one that has at least 2 working brain cells, knows that our babies are half me and half him and the love he had for them caused him to cater for them and today he is reaping the benefits because our kids have grown and love him like no man’s business. Only a foolish man thinks that caring for his own offspring is a woman’s job. Women please and please do not have any children that you haven’t properly planned for because you are sentencing these poor souls to a life of abandonment, probable poverty and possible abuse at the hands of paid carers. I know in Africa we like to think that babies are a blessing no matter if we planned them or not but this is a farce because bringing a human into this world should require a lot of forethought and planning and it is okay to not want children at all if that’s what works for your situation, imagine a world where we all did that, there wouldn’t be so many of us in this country and life would be a whole lot easier, I can go into a lot more detail but I’ll save that for another day. A word is…

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    Replies
    1. And you did not give the Poster one suggestion on how to solve her real time urgent challenge!

      Please Ma'am, Nigerian men are not degenerate, degenerating, or what ever you mean by your use of degeneracy. You may not be married to a Nigerian man. But that does not licence your use of that word to decribe an enitre Nation's men. If you are married to a Nigerian man, rest assured that there are Nigerian men like him. Even on this Blog, Bvs tell good of their Nigerian men as fathers and husbands.

      Just know it is a fact of life is that there is the man who can care for 10 babies better than than 10 women attending to one baby. Yet, there is the man who cannot personally care for his own child. A man who does not know how to do child care is not necessarily a degenerate man or less a man than the one who can notwithstanding the income grade of either men.

      By the way, a man waking up to burp his child is no big deal. There are men who bear 98% or all of their family financials and still go to the typical Nigerian market, prepare meals, feed, potty-train, wipe and wash - all for their children.

      The irony of this post is that, the Poster may not be a Nigerian.

      In this case, the Poster presented a case of being affected by low income and refusal of her husband to change working time. Experience shows that if given opportunity to speak, the husband may also have a genuine reason of not wanting to change work time.

      I hope Lady Stella will post.

      Delete
    2. 00:18 she said what she said. Defend him all you want but making it her job to figure this out is unacceptable

      Delete
    3. 00:18 πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘ Thank you.

      Delete
  20. This is so sad. And people are supporting you giving up your job and taking care of a child full time which we all know is so much work. I hope you can come to a favourable childcare arrangement because the same people will insult you for being a lazy housewife if your husband denies you money. Ask around in African churches or groupchats for women who offer childcare eg immigrant mums and grandmums who receive cash payments. Also ask your company because they may offer flexible working or offer childcare vouchers. Especially in Europe. There’s alot of help if you know where to look. Don’t be sad or overwhelmed, everything will be fine. Your intuition is warning you against quitting for a reason.

    Many women become unkept or victims of some form of financial or emotional abuse. And a man can do something like that to control you eg he can refuse to give you money or allow you to use the car etc if you don’t get pregnant again or do things the way he wants. Or maybe when you want to go back to work he will get you pregnant again. So sorry. Wish you all the best

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  21. It’s a very difficult situation. I can relate to it.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Zadok the Priest11 May 2022 at 22:45

    Dear Stella, I disagree with you on this one.

    Dear Author, in present day Nigeria, once you are married and become pregnant, you say
    "We are pregnant" meaning it is a joint effort even though you will/bore the bulk of the ' 9 month burden'.

    Sit your husband down and explain to him that ,
    1. You need that job in order to assimilate and settle in better in that foreign land.
    2. To enable you grow career-wise so that you can be able to support the growing family while acquiring skills and building up your network. Also, God forbid, what if he dies tomorrow or is injured and is unable to work?
    3. The baby is his flesh and blood too so he too has to bond with the child and do some work.
    4. I bet you guys are not living in your own house. I believe someday you guys will want to take a mortgage. Therefore, both of you working will make it easier on both of you.
    5. This is not Nigeria where you can get a nanny and pay peanuts, in the West everyone puts in a lot of efforts.

    It is sad that a lot of Nigerian men still believe that raising the child is solely the woman's effort, it is not.
    By the way, I am Igbo, have 3 kids and I did my vigils, nappy changes etc in order to support my wife. It is not her responsibility alone.

    Finally, please be ready to look at other options incase he does not agree. Does he have close friends there? What is their own marriage like? Does your husband listen to any one?
    Also, what is your relationship with him like? Did he marry you and believes he did you a favour or that he is the best thing that has ever happened to your family?

    I wish you the best because you really need it at this point.
    Finally, this will determine how many more children you should have and will give you some insight into your future with him. If you cannot reason with him on this, I do not think you can sway him on any other major issue in the course of your marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you for this...you shared most of my sentiments.

      Delete
  23. Please anonymous 16:04 advice sounds really good. Please don't quit

    ReplyDelete
  24. All I have to say is tending for a baby is not a man's job. I am not married today because all the men were selfish with providing and me being a full time mom. I lived in North America and in across EU. I will gladly stay home and care for my child. Una poverty mentality nor go allow una do the right thing. Resign that useless job and take care of your child. You can get a remote role and work from home. I plan not to work, once I decide to have children. I have not made up my mind yet though .Living Abroad is actually stressful . Now people wey come from poverty , dey do everything to remain there . People are already fleeing the US because of stress .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I live abroad and it’s not stressful to me

      Delete
    2. Na people wey come from poverty dey do everything to remain there πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Jokes aside, I fully understand your point. I didn't understand what mental exhaustion meant until I got to Europe and experienced it myself.

      Delete
    3. your hubby sounds self centered. taking care of the kids is not solely a woman's job. if his job is flexible then o cant see why he cannot meet you half way. abroad is not like naija where you easily have people to help, so couples put all hands on deck to take care of the home. if he is ready to pay all bills while you stay home then you might just make that sacrifice and trust God to make a way for you when you are ready to go back to work...But before you quit discuss with your employers and see what options you have, speak to other mothers and ask around...exhaust all options first.

      Delete
  25. @anon 18:51 not all men outside there are like your husband please

    ReplyDelete
  26. Why is the husband not making enough adjustments to accommodate his wife, knowing the job situation of the country they are in, re: language and him being fortunate enough to be flexible in his own job?
    Is he not a parent too?

    Or what am I missing?

    ReplyDelete

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