Hmmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TO ATTEND THE WEDDING OR NOT
Bimpe and I were roommate during our Msc days. We were both single ladies hoping on to God to provide us with suitable partners.
In February, 2022 Bimpe did her introduction, she never told me . I only saw it on her WhatsApp status. I never did as if I saw it too cus I have private my WhatsApp settings so people don't know if I view their status or not.
Around June, Bimpe told me she will be getting married by July 30 and after a week I was added to her wedding WhatsApp group . I noticed d group has been created since April 1 2022 and I was added to the WhatsApp group on June 6.
I felt bad because I felt if she really rate me as a friend I won't be added lastly to the group and I was the last person to be added to the group . The group Admin , said we would pay 30k for aso ebi which I was not aware of neither did Bimpe tell me.
Presently, I am financially constrained. I felt if I have been added to the group earlier I will have made arrangements. I told the group admin that she should extend the sales of the aso ebi till June 29 when I will have received my salary but she said I should chat Bimpe up 1st
I developed cold feet immediately cus I felt Bimpe should have told me earlier.
My brother advised me not to attend the wedding because he felt Bimpe informed me about her wedding just to fulfill all righteousness been the fact that I was her roommate and maybe because people are not turning up for the sales of the aso ebi.
Bvs do you feel I should attend the wedding or not? .
*Can you not attend the wedding with your own outfit? forget about the aso ebi and attend the wedding to also fulfil all righteousness like she did with adding you to the group, its either she is under stress and forgot to inform you properly or she is not a friend like you thought she was...
All the same, there is no big deal, attend the wedding wearing something nice that you have, its not by force to buy aso ebi!
She probably only added you for you to pay the money and may not really rate your friendship.
ReplyDeleteYou're even hesitant to approach her.
I wouldn't attend her wedding, I don't like going for things where I'm invited as an afterthought, if it's not genuine forget about it.
This doesn't seem genuine.
Exit the group and send her a private msg saying congratulations and best wishes. If you feel like, send her what you can afford and face front.
20 friends cannot play together for 20 years.
Thank you oh, same thing I wrote. She is an afterthought. I won't even bother attending if I was the one. Attending weddings these days takes a whole lot of effort for you to be telling me a month before and expecting me to churn out money for your aso ebi within that short period. Complete OYO.
DeleteYou were roommates not friends..be somebody roommates dont mean, you are friends..going out together dont mean, we are friends...my people try to draw the line..if is me, if you dont have the money, go with any of your cloth...
Delete15:45 they were friends
DeletePrayed together and targeted same goal
Now that madam found husband, this friendship is not good for her again. It’s common with our ladies. Either that or they had a fight poster didn’t notice
For me i would not attend. I have a situation like that,i was only informed a month to the wedding and asoebi is 100k,not to talk of other things. I don't have money to waste.
DeleteLadies and petty things.. just attend the wedding wearing another outfit
ReplyDeleteI can bet after the wedding you won’t hear from her again.
DeleteGirl she just want to use and dump you(asoebi wise)
Better do the dumping first by exiting that thing called group chat.
stay in your house
If you don’t have were to go clean your house again and again.
Something-light
You were roommates, the question you should ask yourself is were you friends? I mean there's a difference. Call/chat Bimpe up. Tell her you can pay for the aso ebi, end of the month when you have recieved your salary. If she's not ok with that, my dear DO NOT BORROW TO PAY FOR THE ASO EBI O. And go for the wedding, IF you were invited by Bimpe.
ReplyDeletePoster, are you single and ready to mingle? Are you hot and ready to show off? Are you happy within you enough for an over flow? If your answer to these is yes then, get 1or 2 friends, dress pretty in your own dresses or similar colours and go there and have a swell time FOR YOU. Get there early o, so not to miss the small chops and make sure you participate very well in the dance, no time to check time o. Buy her a nice gift and pray for her sincerely even b4 the D-day. Be there for her in case she needs you and let her know you had money issues and didn't want to stress her.
DeleteLife no hard o.
I can't even tell you the number of people that later approached me to tell me how they weren't happy how I handled one thing or the other at my wedding.
DeleteYou will soon wed naw and you will understand that it's easy to not remember some important things. At the end of the day, a wedding is the gathering of people that love you ❤️. Do you love her? Go.
17:20 not happy with something you did is very difft from forgetting to carry along a close friend
DeleteLet nobody try this with an introvert like me oh. Cos I won't even attend. If I do, I won't but the aso-ebi. Is she really worth you paying that kind of money? And you will have to sew too, will she even tell you thank you when she is done? Honestly, if it is me, I won't buy. But I might go to the wedding. Depending on the vibe I get
ReplyDeleteThank you, I trust myself. I won't even beg for the date to be extended. If you can't be courteous enough to inform me yourself, I'll definitely exit the group and won't even bother reaching out to you.
DeleteLife is short no mean say I'll mentally stress myself for people who don't value me.
If you don't value me, I don't value you too. No time!!!
Absolutely. Stella on point 👌
ReplyDeleteI would have also said attend the wedding with your own nice outfit since you can't afford the asoebi BUT I've experienced it firsthand,It didn't end well for me,I was the only one without the asoebi because of similar reason,I felt so alone(even though my friends surrounded me),So inferior,So sad,So neglected.
ReplyDeleteNormally I'm the type that always makes effort to connect with new people but that very day I prayed for the day to end.
Literally all my friends bought the asoebi,taking pictures,connecting and all that,Guess what I volunteered myself to be their photographer!
If you can sit this one out,please do,Unless you're strong-willed and grown a thick skin to criticism because people will definitely make snides remarks.
why would you feel alone? Me that likes wearing different clothes to a wedding even when I have the asoebi, I don't just like wearing same uniform that makes everyone look like the same choir members . I have to be forced most times to wear such.
Deletedon't feel alone next time, I'm sure you weren't the only person there without the asoebi.
Poster, if you must attend the wedding, its not a must you wear asoebi. just spray her as your power reach and have fun.
Krytiq you know I love you and if I point out that at that period in your life you suffered an inferiority complex, you know I don't mean it as an insult, don't you? I have been there in another form too. It's nobody's fault you felt the way you did and I am sure you eventually found your way out of it and wouldn't let such get to you now because you have built a healthy self-esteem. No need to be ashamed of a reality when you know it's only a matter of time and you will be over it and I assure you, there is a large possibility no one mentioned it or made any snide comment about it. Everyone passes through life stages, so most times, it's all in our head.
DeleteWho started this Asoebi of a thing ? Is it even neccessary??
ReplyDeleteIs it just me that feels no shame whatsoever wearing what I have to an event? I don't get this compulsion over aso ebi. Lady, I don't no how much you receive as salary, if its not up to 250k and above, spending 30k on aso ebi on someone that did not consider you two friends enough to inform you of her introdution is not worth such sacrifice. That's my take though.
ReplyDeletePlease as them.
DeleteStella we love you, you know we do, but on this one, I totally disagree. Poster, to be honest Wedding can be totally stressful on the bride and on the groom with too many things on their mind to attend to and juggle in between, leading to their wedding.
ReplyDeleteBut the truth remains, wedding is also one of the major avenue, both bride and groom openly, readily and willingly want to have their friends and family celebrate with them and they always make a mental and physical list of whom this friends are.
For a wedding introduction or traditional wedding that was done in Feb, and the main wedding slated in July, and you are just been told this June, I can only tell you, treat people the way they treat you, people make mistakes, but same people and basically everyone always know what they are doing.
An Msc program lasts for 2 years, and 2 years of living in the same space with someone, whom you both shared intellectual and single hood bonding moments with shouldn't be so trivialized.
Don't get me wrong, the bride has her reasons and might even be in her right to have acted the way she did.
However, don't be so naïve not to understand, the value placed on the friendship you both shared, and act accordingly.
Better still, just voice your grievances to her, hear her out and decide if to go or not, based on the explanation given and your intuitions.
Life is not so hard at the end of the day.
(Lijo)
Exactly what I typed before I saw yours. 💯👌
Delete👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
DeleteStop being confused about your relationships with people. Your colleague is not your friend. Your ex-school mates are not your friends. People you met on social media are not your friends. People you meet on the blog are your fellow BVs not your friends. Your childhood playmates are not your friends and so on. You were the one forming super-glue friendship with Bimpe who only saw you as a course mate. She was probably scrolling through some old photos and exclaimed "Ha!! See this Afusa babe wey we run Masters together that time o! Chai! She go don add weight now sha. Lemme even tell her about my wedding whether she go see chance come."
ReplyDeleteA friend is someone who has proved themselves to you through thick and thin; not someone who calls or checks on you ONLY when they need you. Apart from gisting about meeting Mr. Right, what other significant things have you two done together or for each other? Poster, na who send you message you suppose dey send for this life. Become "silent" on the platform. Don't say sh** and don't call her to "plead" that they give you extra time to enter gbese for who no get regard for you. When dem tire, dem go remove you by themselves. If she then calls you to ask why you haven't sent your money, tell her you've been very busy at work and not sure you'd be able to come; but that if things ease up, you'll come wearing what you have.
If na me sha, I go just "left the group" without any shalaye. Treat people how they treat you and add corporate tax. That is the only way to avoid see-finish. Bimpe don see you finish but by God's grace the next time you two meet, she won't meet you where she left you.
I love you baby girl. Your own na positive sweet Amebonawork
DeleteYou are a a correct gee, I wonder how people carry this aso Ebi thing like gala and make it sound like an obligation, if the aso Ebi thing dey stress you bone it and attend d wedding wearing what you have otherwise bone d wedding jare,.
DeleteLife is not that stressful.
People may start off as acquaintances, roommates or colleagues, but it's possible that because of their closeness, they'll likely move the relationship to a new level. So for her to assume they were friends isn't entirely wrong. It boils down to one person who may have moved on and the other still thinks what they shared is still tangible.
DeleteThank you oooo , I can't find the epistle I typed.
DeleteAs for me oh, I nor dey go anywhere, won't even bother telling her about any financial constraint whatsoever, will just give one flimsy family ish excuse and move on.
Wedding that she has been planning for months is what you are telling me last minute and to pay 30k for? I nor dey go anywhere o, would send you congratulatory message and keep it moving.
15:30 I have chicken, I have turkey. There is plantain, but no potatoes. Is it drinks, take it. I said take it. But no shisha.
DeleteYour 2nd paragraph? GOLD.
'Treat people how they treat you and add corporate tax' Everyone around me knows this is my MOTTO FOR LIFE.
I love this!
DeletePERIODT no time for rubbish!!!
DeleteMy dear just follow auntie Stella's advice!!!! Don't over think, don't reason it too much, just follow the advice and face front. If she still wants your friendship to continue, her behavior after her wedding will tell you. Just mind your business and ignore whatever until you meet your husband too!!!
ReplyDeleteNo matter how close or related we are, i don't buy nor wear aso ebi to any event. I'd rather support you with anything that i have. I hate to wear uniform to an event. Me that hates lace and gele. Poster, attend the wedding but you see that aso ebi, no just bother yourself. There are so many things you can do with money and not aso ebi.
ReplyDeletePlease do not attend ! If the number of her " friends" were able to meet up with the aso ebi money , she won't have added you . Be wise !
ReplyDeleteGbam. That’s just it. No long story on this.
DeleteShe only needs you to buy aso ebi cos it seems a lot of her friends cant afford it. Me o, i wont buy, ill attend with my dress. The bride does not rate you as she room mate zoned you first, you sef room mate zone her too.
ReplyDeleteBimpe never took you as a friend,if u were d last to be added to the group it says a whole lot.for most people when planning aso ebi for their close group of friends they do a head count of the ones they feel can buy and buy according to the number with a few pieces as extra and when they are done with that figure except there is still a demand for more,they are done with asoebi selling.Now for u to be informed and added to the group by this time it either means the response for purchase was very low and she had a few more pieces to sell then she remembers you or she didn’t feel it’s necessary to tell u from the beginning.If I were u I’ll not speak about it cos I wasn’t informed in time.Ill act like I dunno about what’s going on in the group and if I want to attend I’ll attend with any other beautiful dress or I won’t even attend at all.After the wedding stay in ur corner and mind urself.
ReplyDeleteAttend as what?
ReplyDeleteDo you not have any self respect or is there something you hope to get from her? Someone added you as an afterthought to a group, maybe after racking her brain as per who else she can can use her wedding to tax ,because of the money and gifts she hope's to get from you and you are there stressing yourself.
At least have small regard for yourself na. You call her friend.
Open your eyes wiiiide.
You are only occupying space. People like this only remember you when there is something she can get from you. I kuku like myself too much. I for done immediately remove myself from that group and blocked it.
What nonsense.
Honestly, poster doesn’t have self respect or values herself. Reason why ex roommate (aka friend🙄). treats her like this. Must they know you don’t have money to buy aso ebi? Poster work on yourself and put self respect on yourself. Tell Bimpe your mind and call it a day. And DO NOT buy any aso ebi! Your chronicle is annoying AF.
DeleteSee this kind friend no go send u after wedding,or even attend when its yours ,so no go inconvenience yourself cos of her, if u can't afford the aso eBI, and you're free on that day, you can attend,enjoy yourself at the wedding and gift her a stainless food flask
ReplyDeleteNo need to gift stainless flask spray her 100 naira notes like 5 done do.
DeleteChop and enjoy yourself, you don’t need to seat at the asoebi table sef
Poster you saw her as a friend but she might have not rated you same way you did her, which to me is part of life.
ReplyDeleteI would say chat her up and explain to her about your financial constraint don’t go too deep o, ask if she can sell 2 yards with glee for you(most asoebi is btw 31/2 yards to 4 yards), naso me sef dey do when I can’t afford full cloth.
If she agrees fine but if she doesn’t sit in your house and send any amount of money to her account. She isn’t someone you should stress your self financially and emotionally for Biko.
Celebrate her on your status if she is on your WhatsApp, this life no balance learn not to let things like this get to you as people can’t be predictable.
Curvy C.
Exactly o, don’t stress yourself pls do what will not cause inconvenience for you
DeleteThis is even too much. For what now? For someone who doesn’t value her friendship?? Come on now
DeleteThis is another type of entitlement mentality that people need to stop.You need to stop expecting too much from people and stop thinking people will treat you how you treat them.life doesn’t work like that.If them no call you,no go,if them call you late,you get upper hand to go or not.
ReplyDeleteShe might have added you lastly because the ones she considered her friends were not turning up for the aso ebi payment, she now remembered you. If you can't afford it abeg look front. The aso ebi sef too cost. Something you might not even put on again. You can send her a gift and face your front
ReplyDeleteAll these people giving advice are they xtians bible says don't pay evil with evil pls don't listen to them attend and look for money to buy the aso ebi and see how god will richly bless you.
ReplyDeleteChristianity says you must do what others want you to do? That u must look for money u dont have to buy what u dont need just to please someone? Are you well at all?
DeleteNa hard times why you were added last for a reason. Your brother thinking. Either you don't attend at all, attend wearing your own outfit, or put yourself in more financial problems to do aso ebi. It's your choice. But nobody adding me as an after thought to anything ain't gonna get a thing out of me. Matter of fact, in consideration of the current economic climates brides should put this aso ebi on hold to help take pressure off ppl. Folks can hardly eat properly in some places and they expect ppl to spend a month's salary or more for one day. Have a conscience.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Worse comes to worse, people go stay home jejely and send congratulatory messages or small gift. Wedding that’s just one day is what poster’s stressing herself. Mtscheww
DeleteThis is easy, honestly. It's the worth people place on you that you should reciprocate, friendship isn't supposed to be one-sided.
ReplyDeleteDon't stress yourself buying an aso-ebi that will put you in debt or remind you of how you feel now. If you know the colour for the day, look at what you have at home that's close to it and wear it on that day., if you don't have it, wear what you have. Go there and have fun. Dassall! Go because she invites you. The aso-ebi is not by force.
Sweetie exit that group. They just need more asoebi girls to make the noise on the wedding day hence the remembrance. After exiting send her message that you will try and see if you can make it. It’s not by force. You won’t steal to buy asoebi or force friendship.
ReplyDeleteJust one of those things in life.Don’t assume anyone is your friend. My course mates are not my friends. We just attend lectures together. Friendship is deeper than we all assume. That I follow you stay in same room doesn’t mean we are friends. We are not enemies either but share just same room and attend same church or prayer meetings maybe. We are colleagues.just like how you share hostel during boarding house days or nysc.No be everybody for hostel or class be your friend remember
I will quietly exit myself from the group. You don't need to stress your self over buying the aso ebi.
ReplyDeleteMe sha will not go. I will politely tell her I can't be at her wedding and make up an excuse. I can't put myself in financial constraints for someone who doesn't value me abeg. Most brides never remember their single friends after wedding unless they need something
ReplyDeleteDo not buy any aso ebi just look for her color and wear something beautiful. Use any money you want to use abs but aso ebi get her a gift 🎁 no need to stress yourself over someone who doesn’t give a shit about you.
ReplyDeleteOverlook her calling you last. You mustn't buy them asoebi. Pray for her with genuine happiness and love in your heart. Go celebrate her days with her on her wedding day, you will meet youryour future husband there.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't know what to do that day. Kindly take yourself out. Buy better chicken and wash it down with correct wine. Make sure the chicken is hot with enough pepper and the wine is cold.
ReplyDeleteShe no send you. She added you because of asoebi. She needs the 30k.
I dont buy asoebi that i cannot afford oh.. If you want to attend the wedding wear what you have
ReplyDelete