Hmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE HOT SLAP
My story is long but I’ll cut it short. My cheating horseband started suspecting me because I’ve decided to ignore him and start healing myself and make my self happy.
I made up my mind not to look forward to him for happiness anymore as a result of all the pains I’ve experienced from his cheating. So I now engage in different activities to create new hobbies again so that I can have a happy life (no s#x btw us for 9 months now)
I don’t crave him anymore as I have my health to protect. Gym membership and swimming is one of those activities and he keeps disturbing me about stopping the gym as people there fu*k themselves, I’ve been ignoring him for a while but I had it up to my neck the day he said if I go is shouldn’t return home, I was so angry and turned back home.
I keep remembering the rubbish he does with girls and one particular chat that pains me to the bone any time I remember. (In that chat, he was telling a girl that he really likes her but I was already pregnant with our first kids when he met her, imagine me going through pains coz I was carrying multiples but you were busy hunting p*ssy) ...
I slapped him during this altercation and he was shocked, it’s seven years of marriage with a philanderer and I never lost my cool like this before. I thot I was ignoring him and living my life not knowing the pains is building up, and slowly bringing out the monster in me.
It was one slap, he felt it and I could sense he felt he caused it coz he has been doing everything since then to please me though I’m not expecting him to stop cheating coz it’s in his DNA (I later found out his late dad did same to his mum) and even have two kids with two mothers.
He got me a 13 pro and deposited some money in my account ( I’m not going to have s#x with him tho coz I love my life) but my fear now is that I can’t stop thinking about that slap, I hope I have not taught him to try to slap me when we have altercation?
I hope he won’t want to retaliate one day, he has never raised his hands on me since I know him and this was the first time I did that too.
Pls help me I don’t want to go through domestic violence, I’m just hanging here for comfort and to build my self for the future and coz of his kids, he is a great dad but not a great husband.
WOW; you slapped your husband because you were angry? That is Domestic violence and you need to apologise to him properly and desist from the act..... STOP IT!!!
You slap your husband (Domestic Violence), you dey fear make he no retaliate in the future. Na every day of your life make you dey use take apologize. You hear... Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteApologize to him and try to forgive him.. In marriage, you learn forgiveness for your peace of mind and marriage. Don't let your children grow up in toxic home.. Please, be a Christian and make peace with your husband.
DeleteReflex action.
DeletePoster don't stop going to the gym and doing other activities you enjoy. Forgive yourself and try not to repeat such (ie the slapping). You may need to go to a counselor to help you talk through your pain. Since you have concluded that your husband is a cheat and you are willing to stay with him, you need to be more tolerant so you don't land yourself in police station one day. All the best.
DeleteYou should behave walked away instead of putting your hands on him. Same advice we give to men too, always walk away. Since you ain't leaving the marriage, apologize for the slap and protect yourself during sex, except you plan on closing your legs to him, but for how long will you be a mermaid?
ReplyDeleteSurprise him with a dinner date in a nice restaurant and apologise, just for your peace of mind.
DeleteWell,that you apologize to him 77times and even more, will give him the inner peace that you're truly sorry of your action and also will help him know that domestic violence is not the way out.that way he can forgive and even forget.
ReplyDeleteMadam, if your husband apologized and you still want to continue with the marriage, kindly forgive him and return as a family. Starving him of sex will make him continue to go outside. Your husband wont slap you in the future since he didnt respond when you slapped him. No need to apologize for the slap, I think he deserved it and he knows that but you need to let it go.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with you on the apology. If there was no need, why then is the guilt from her? She can apologize in a more romantic way by trying to rekindle the love spark again. The man already showed remorse by his actions.
DeleteMadam, please forgive him.
Teejay, the woman only owes him apology for the slap. The man should be the one doing everything to recover the lost love spark in their relationship
DeleteYou’re hanging there for support meaning you’re just using him right?that there is the mistake women make.If you know you can’t stand a man’s cheating,leave the marriage instead letting it build up to where you slap him or he beats you up and one person dies.
ReplyDeleteShe’s enjoying the money and can’t walk away just like that . If you don’t gerritforgetaboutit
DeleteApostle Dante! Preach
DeleteBuilt up anger can even make one to commit murder. That is why it is advisable to separate yourself from any person or environment that causes you constant pain. Don't be too hard on yourself. The deed has been done. It's time to seat him down and tell him how his cheating is killing you slowly. He bought a gift for you as a sign of remorse. It's pay back time. Take him to good place. Just the two of you. Sincerely apologise and promise it will never happen again. May peace reign in your home in Jesus name amen.
ReplyDeleteCheating is a no in marriage either the man or woman,but 9 months without sex in marriage woman is time to sit your husband down for a talk .
ReplyDeleteApologize sister 😅, you two can go for medical check to rule out infections and start gbenshing again. Maybe he's changing for the better.
ReplyDeleteWake him up middle of the night, go on your knees and apologise to him. After the make up kiss and hugs then you start : Baby you hurt me so bad by cheating. I want us to grow old together trusting each other, pls I need you to stop cheating . What sex styles do you like ? just talk to me I am your wife, you can tell me anything, we can spice up our sex life. Pussy is same everywhere only the spices differs. Tell me how you like it and we try more new things together. I love you and want to be with you without doubts. Let’s make this work and stay faithful to each other . Then listen to what he has to say ; I know he will take a deep breath and hold your hands then apologise. Marriage can be managed. It’s not that hard. The best marriages are for two good forgivers. Without forgiveness you can’t stay married . Remember no one is without sin and we keep stepping on toes until eternity. So forgiveness keeps a lasting marriage. Have a lovely evening everybody .
DeleteLady delicate here
I love your comment Anons 16.41. More wisdom unto you.
DeleteCheating men NEVER change.
DeleteNEVER.
They only change tactics when they are caught.
If you want to stay in that kind of marriage, your mind has to be like iron. You have to be like that our poster that her husband impregnated her house help , because Nigerian men and sleeping around like dirty street dogs are as sure as the mess that comes after eating beans.
And make sure you are not having sex with that kind of dirty creature before you are gifted a cocktail of stds or HIV.
Just as importantly, you have to apologise. Hitting your spouse is never ever the way.
Apologise.
The issue is so many women are bottling anger, disgust, embarrassment etc over their husband's disgusting behaviour. Imagine everyone in your neighbourhood laughing at you behind your back because your husband is a piece of shit that can fcuk anything that has a hole.
That bottling of emotion will explode one day like a volcano. I pray one day one person will not wake up with a knife right through his eye.
It is well.
Take Anonymous 16.41 advice
Delete🤣🤣🤣 * humming to the song dream dream dream 🎵
DeleteOnce a cheat always a cheat
The only thing that can ever curb cheating is the cheats personal choice.
The choice could be made as a result of:
1. Spiritual encounter
2. Erectile dysfunction
3.Being broke
Your emotions and tears will NEVER make a cheating man grow a conscience NEVER.
It's possible to curtail your expectations from your spouses in marriage. Some are lucky and their love life's are made of harlequin and mills and boon stuff while some are not.
If you find yourself self in category 2 and you don't want to leave find a way to LIVE
Did you ever apologize to him for the slap? If you didn't do that, I think that's what you should do now. Just maybe it could drive the guilt away from you.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad he hasn't raise his hands on you anytime and I hope he doesn't do that as well.
You can attest he's a great dad but never a great husband. Do you think something can be done to change things?
I still feel he loves you but the vain things of this world under a woman's skirt won't let some men stay true to their marital vows.
Please dear, forgive him and do all you can to make him a great husband as well not just a great dad alone.
Wow..
ReplyDeleteDont be scared coz you wont do anything for him to warrant slapping you and even if you do,it'll be 1-1, the slap wont kill you, then if he tries to go beyond slap,break his hand, you can do it.
But don't apologise, dont let him see that you are thinking about the slap or feeling guilty, hes the cheat,the philanderer, the wandering dick with the chances of STDs here, hes the greater sinner, move on from the slap but refrain from slapping him again and if the anger you feel toward him Is turning you into a monster,id rather you stop staying under the same roof with him, dont worry, your heart will heal.
Lmao @ first paragraph! Na wa
DeleteThat your husband is a good example of SIMP. He is a very weak man.
ReplyDeleteWait ooo, you slapped him, he kept quiet and now buying gifts for you and doing things to please an abuser like you?
Ife na eme true true.
Smiles. Lol. You can't really hide your spots for long can you? The women who deserve you and urge you guys on are just shallow and low self esteemed women. Your strength lies in hitting a woman back right? Why not build strength in things like staying faithful and not cheating on your wife first. How about that? That's strength of character.
DeleteHe has self control not to slap her back and you call him a simp? Do you know what could have happened if he retaliated? What exactly do you mean when you call your fellow man a simp? That he should be fighting with and beating up women? 🤦🏾♂️
DeleteMark Morgan, please ask him. They only see the slap, they won't see the incessant cheating and disrespect for his wife and family.
DeleteMark Morgan, thank you for responding.
DeleteGod bless you Mark. Not excusing the slap but a consistent cheating husband will really get to you finally.
DeletePoster may God give you wisdom to navigate this challenge.
Simply apologize to him and that settles it.
ReplyDeleteDV should never come to the fore be it from a man or woman.
Apologise to him and learn to control yourself,its the pent up emotions,over riding,the voice of reason.God will heal your home.🙏
ReplyDeleteThis woman, forgive your husband! Forgive him. You slapped him but you don't want to be slapped. Instead of you to apologize to him, you are worried and scared he might revenge.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is a great husband to an extent if you asked me because he didn't hit or push you after you slapped him, he even bought you a phone and he's been nice to you. Don't think he is willing to make things right between you two?
You want to destroy your own marriage.
Na serial cheat u dey call great husband. Well done ma
DeleteNa for here I dey see say "Great" get anoda definition o. Weldone oh great one!!
Delete🙄🙄🙄
DeleteApologize and try to forgive him..Not having sex with him means u want him to continue cheating..go for test.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are funny o! When she was giving him the sex did he not cheat?
DeleteYou’re overthinking
ReplyDeleteYes don’t slap him but what he has done is still worse
Your mind is looking for a way to make the wrongs equal so you forgive him. The wrongs are not equal at all. Apologize for the slap and move on from this issue. Tell him your mind about the cheating and let him know the marriage is essentially done if he continues
Correct 👍👌
DeletePoster, this is the answer
DeleteI understand you slapped him because you lost your cool. But that doesn't justify your action. Try and apologize to him. Once your apology is accepted, forget about the slap and forge ahead with your life.
ReplyDeletePoster your husband is a fool.
ReplyDeleteBut no enough for you to slap him.
We hope he doesn't start abusing you.
Apologise properly and pray about it.
Meanwhile I'm just wondering how you both going to continue without sex like this, this stuff can lead to separation!
Marriage with a dog na wa! You both need a plan for this marriage to work o. Prayer and practical real life precautions need to be taken by both of you so your body will be protected from sti and std
Na real wa. You can't feel safe with such a person.
DeletePls take a break from that marriage and properly heal before u will pick up knife one day and stab him in his sleep.
ReplyDeleteU need to be patience so u don't destroy ur home with anger.u have no right biblically to deny ur hubby sex except u decide to separate from him but u can't be married to him, living in same house and yet deny him sex.he has apologize to u so please forgive him.if u are scared maybe he may have contacted some viral diseases out there, then u both should visit the hospital and get treated....lastly,I believe with prayers ur hubby will stop cheating
ReplyDeleteWhat’s there to destroy
DeleteThe guy already destroyed it
* to be patient
Delete*he has apologised
Lol. E no get no wetin I no go read for this blog.
DeletePlease control your anger, do not raise your hands on him again its wrong. But keep protecting your self life is too short.
ReplyDeleteDifferent ways to fuck this one up. Firstly there is some form of arrogance and pride in you. Me I will just give you sleeping pills, strip you and take plenty of your nude pics. Print them coloured then share around to her favourite gym. Shey you want to show abi. That will be my revenge.No need for slap of fight.
ReplyDeleteYou are DESPICABLE!
DeleteYou are a wicked entity.
DeleteLike seriously???? Heard of two wrongs don't make a right.
DeleteNa dem
DeleteHahahahahaha, this is wrong
DeleteMay we not marry evil men. Tueh
DeleteAnon 15:54 clap foryasef evu.
DeleteA sick and broken mind will think it is okay to destroy another person reputation, sanity and respect especially your better half
DeleteFilthy creature
Thrash
i understand that once someone hurts you and you refuse to talk about that is how you will start building up hurt and pains, before you know it you will start hating that person. Is a normal thing for you to behave in that manner cos you held everything your husband did to you in your mind and was pretending to ignore him.
ReplyDeletePoster i will not judge you cos the hurt, pains and cheating all got to you. Please for your own health i will say you should learn to forgive your husband, you both should use this time and sort out things. Discuss your fear., your hurt and please madam apologize to him about the slap and hurt you have in your mind for him. Stop touching his phone.
If you continue pretending to ignore him one day you will posion that man or harm him. This attitude are what make people to kill each other cos the hate is inside of you and you have been holding it long. One misunderstanding you use anger to kill someone, then you start to regret.
Tell him to use his finger print to password his whatapp so that you cannot see you. You respect your sanity, life and children and stop checking his phone.
Built up anger can make one commit murder.
ReplyDeleteWhat you did was wrong by slapping him but I think you shouldn't apologise because he might take advantage of that and start yarning dust.
Pls don't ever slap him again.
God can restore this man even if his father did worse. Keep praying for him, for yourself, for your kids and for your marriage.
Ndo for everything you have gone through 🤗
Well said
Delete🙌
DeletePlease truly forgive him the same way God forgives you too
ReplyDeleteForgive him and forgive yourself also,,
ReplyDeleteDeal with anger issue to avoid stories in the future..
Sincere apology is what you needs right now..
If you're going to stay, then forgive him and also apologize for slapping him. I know it's hard but it's actually doable, aspecially when he is also trying.
ReplyDeletePoster,Won't you run gaga from trying to condone his cheating,while deep inside you're hurting.
ReplyDeleteHe will soon turn you into a violent monster if you and him don't intentionally treat the genesis of this matter which is cheating.
Apology will yield nothing much,if the main problem isn't tackled.
Apologize to him though,You shouldn't have raised your hands on him no matter what.
That slap felt like a restore to factory settings slap, cos after it, baba started buying things for her.🤣🤣. But madam poster , you were wrong, nothing beats talking about an issue first. Dialogue and Diplomacy always have ended wars.
ReplyDeleteYou did well. There’s nothing there to fear but no slap am again. Keep working on yourself and improving. When you’re tired on him
ReplyDeleteYou need to let out this anger you're bottling. Keeping it in will make you explode one day, it might be something more than the slap.
ReplyDeleteApologize for the slap so that he doesn't take it to heart and tries it on you one day.
I don't understand the purpose of this chronicle. You don't plan to leave him so what do you want exactly?
ReplyDeleteHe will not stop cheating so make sure you make your life as happy for yourself as possible.
There is no need to apologize, don't even overthink it. Don't refer to the incident.
ReplyDeleteWith his unceasing infidelities he has slapped, stabbed and hurt you without any remorse whatsoever. He is not a good man biko.
I hope that someday you become happy and that you experience love and loyalty in one person.
I feel your pain and hurt. A man I gave 6 years of my life despite the fact that he had no money when we started cheated on me. I can't tell the extent of his infidelity because it was only one chat I saw. I want to break up with him, but I am worried, where do I start from , plus it is beginning to appear that a great number of men cheat, What are a woman's options!!!!!!
But the fact that it appears that your husband is making no attempt at turning a new leaf makes your condition so sad.
I pray you find comfort in God. Amen!!!!
What are the options you ask? The options are that you stay alone.
DeleteGod forbid that I am yoked with one dirty goat sleeping around like a pig all in the name of marriage.
It’s not easy, but you can always start from somewhere. If his cheating hurts you and you can’t deal, the earlier you move on, the better for you . Igbo people say ‘Taa bu gboo’ .
DeleteThe advice here means men can get away with their cheating throughout their marriage and the women are supposed to endure , tolerate and pray their men change (which never ever happens) .
ReplyDeleteThis poster is resentful and rightly so yet look at the advice flying on here , tueh.
A man who asked her to stop going to the gym , I mean how ?!
A man who hasn’t honored the marriage bed and yet it’s the woman who’s supposed to tolerate?
Marriage in Nigeria IS THE PITS! The PITS!
Lady MorgiannE
The issue is the poster has stated she is not ready to leave the marriage. So people are giving her advice to cope. I guess when she has had enough she will leave or a miracle will change the man. But what she should beware of is that she has feelings which she is suppressing, despite her trying to be cool with things, which could explode at any time and land her in a jail cell, God forbid. Poster once you notice things are getting too much for you, separate yourself from him first to clear your head.
DeleteEmotional abuse, bitterness, resentment, physical abuse and emotional separation are written all over this chronicle.
ReplyDeleteYou are hurt, pained, feeling trapped because you would have preferred to divorce but for the financial implications. Someone is not thinking of reconciliation at all, even the gym is a way to work off hurt but also to put oneself back into the dating market someday.
You are changing and a part of you knows it.
Go for counseling, get help! A HURTING PERSON HURTS OTHERS.
Beyond the apologies seek help, then you can make things right.
Any man or woman can cheat in relationships! I live in an upscale suburb in the🇺🇸 and some of of my neighbors have mistresses so it’s not limited to Naija men! “The heart of man is deceitful and desperately wicked”. Some women on this blog too cheat. It’s on this blog that an anonymous married woman said she stops to collect from her boyfriend on her way home from work. Now from a HAPPILY (not perfectly) married woman in a 30 year marriage, without forgiveness and love there is no marriage that can last or be happy. Have I ever cheated on mine? No. He has attempted to cheat on me twice but for some reason I caught it before it could even happen and his remorse was genuine. I know I’m blessed but according to him, the fact that he knows I could never cheat on him weighs on his mind each of those two attempts hence his carelessness and being caught beforehand. Denying him of sex is unbiblical. He has sinned against you and against God but ask him to use condom and return to your marriage bed, then you can have a serious conversation with him with deadlines if there is no change.
ReplyDeleteI disagree that he is a bad man as he has self control in not hitting you back. Most men will do that, forget the movies. If he has that level of self control then he can take his eyes off other women. Apologize for the slap, have a heart to heart conversation about your zero tolerance for cheating and ask for a commitment and promise. Talk about your admiration of his self control in not hitting you as a sign he is a disciplined man. Starting with praising good qualities helps motivate some into better behavior but use condoms until you know he has changed. Ask to exchange passwords as a way to help your marriage commitment. I read counsels from younger ladies implying it’s somehow tolerable for a woman to slap a man but not the other way. It’s wrong.
There is no perfect man or woman, he loves you, the reason he won’t slap you back. To some women on this blog who sometimes justify side chickism and praise the Reginas of the world, it’s hypocrisy to demand fidelity when you praise the Delilahs who are so many out there to tempt the men. My hubby’s temptation came from a banker who wanted deposits & was always opening her boobs when making presentation to get deposit from my husband. If you admire all the rich side chicks then you need to know it’s a circle. They are the cause of the agonies of those who write chronicles like this woman. Repent as well. There are enough men, maybe not enough rich men but some women built with their men, leave them to enjoy where they sowed. Don’t praise known runs babes. It’s like admiring kids of looters while complaining about the situation in the country. Cause & effect.
Well Said....
Delete