Read the Chronicle HERE
Dear Stella,
I am back to give update.
He came into the country and stayed a month in Lagos with me. Let me clarify a few things, He grew up in Onitsha before he left for university in US, his a lawyer, his siblings and their family reside in the Eastern part of Nigeria, his parent are late. He did not inform anyone of his coming, his reasons Security concerns and wants to focus on his life and future. He lodged in a hotel around my area.
We met the next day after he arrived. It was cool and awkward/shyness.
To cut the very long story short as possible, Stella the day I do not visit him, it's like his world is crumbling, he would complain, act up, give attitude and all. He wanted me around 247 but that’s impossible.
To cut the very long story short as possible, Stella the day I do not visit him, it's like his world is crumbling, he would complain, act up, give attitude and all. He wanted me around 247 but that’s impossible.
Stella spending a month with him got me questioning if it was the same person I had been speaking with, he starts with not to brag but ends up bragging, which he never uttered when we were talking on phone. During his stay 95% we were using my car but when it rained and it got a bit flooded used his as mine was too low.
One time, my friend called to borrow my vehicle to use on a Saturday, which I was not going out as I needed to do chores and all at home of which he knows, I stay with my sister and her family, after the call this guy got so mad that I disrespected him by accepting to give my car out, next thing he started giving me rules to abide by, Clearly told me I will stop all communication with my friends, That I portray a tough lady but internally I am too soft so people will keep taking advantage of me. If we go out to eat and guys are there, he makes sure we eat in spending minimum of 2hrs there, I’m not kidding you but if guys are not there, we do take out. His reason that everyone needs to know I have a man in my life now, that he found a treasure his not ready to lose.
We went to get suya at university of suya ikeja while on queue discussing how my Dad died, the guy before us about leaving condoled with me and placed something in my hand, Yankee guy collected it and we saw it was a Business card and got really pissed which I do not blame him as it was highly disrespectful of the guy to do but I persuaded him to be the bigger one, we laughed over it and thought it was bygone but something changed about him.
He became controlling. Next he started pressuring to meet my Elder sister I stay with, to do court marriage, do ivf as he wants a boy child. It became a huge problem I took him to meet my Sister, a week before his departure. But here is the thing he has gotten an apartment 3 Estates from mine where I’m to be staying according to his plans immediately after marriage before Visa will be approved to join him, (I had no clue, he did it on his own and only took me there) He made a lot of issues for us to do court marriage before he leaves but I stood my ground that I needed time to know him more and will not be pressured into marriage.
I’m actively looking for a job but he said if I take any job we are done that my focus should be on him alone, he offered to be sending me $700 monthly Salary/up keep but I should tell him how much I want. I calmly told him I can’t marry him because he will stress me out.
Days leading to his departure I kept to myself as his attitude was just too much. He was giving the silent treatment for no reason as things were not going his way. On his departure day I saw he off to the Airport and stayed on my own. He will call you this minute acting all cool and next minute his something else.
The plan before his coming was for us to meet face to face, I get to know him, and do the marriage at the end of the year but he came in and immediately wants to get married. My sister likes him as his gentle, matured and obsessed about me.
She thinks because I keep to myself a lot and haven’t been in a relationship that is why I am overreacting for no reason. Stella I am a peace lover, I express myself immediately i get angry as I do not know how to harbor things in mind, so when someone is giving me attitude or silent treatment it gets me worked up and I feel so bad. He clearly knows this and uses it against me. I value my peace of mind too much. Am I overreacting?
Hmmmm.....First off....Why IVF? Whats wrong with doing the do to get pregnant?
Your guy seems to have superiority complex.
I dont know what you want but i dont think you will want to be in the kind of marriage he will offer you... he will cut you off from family and friends and shut you up with money....
I dont think it will last but if you are desperate to go to American then go ahead
He was probably pushing for the marriage to have sex with you or he has low self esteem and insecurities which is a huge no no whatever the case something is definetly off..
ReplyDeleteNo he wanted to seal the marriage deal so she’s off the market
DeleteIt’s not about sex every time
This guy is a narcissist. Poster you will cry after 10 years. If you divorce him, he will take your kids and you will cry. Read about narcissist. You have to allow him to control you, worship him, but if you resist. You will cry. Your family will go against you cos they have sweet personality outside. Chai you will cry, but if you desperate, go for it.
DeleteMadam
DeleteI beg you please. Run. Run.
This WILL NOT GET BETTER
He’s obsessed with you and would control you.
This is not love
My friend married someone like this and the marriage has ended as we speak.
The man never lets her talk to men but talks to women.
He didn’t want her to work.
And he was a master silent treatment guru.
His silent treatment was second to none
Sis please run
Please I’m begging you
Please
But if you want to go ahead, do but I assure you that your chronicles never finish. No be curse, na truth
Mma Nwachukwu
Poster, involuntary HA escaped from my mouth when I got to him being obsessed.
DeleteIf you can cope with these in the next 50 years, then go ahead but as someone that has been married for 9 years and has enjoyed utmost love and respect from her husband, I'll tell you to ABORT MISSION!!!
Too many red flags.
ReplyDeleteToo many honestly
DeleteToo many
DeleteBeejay
You made the right decision. You never see husband. This will be torture.
DeleteEverywhere red! Thank God poster seems not desperate.
DeleteThis one na proper red flag. Stella has said it all. If you still want to go ahead, know that you saw all the warning signs but chose this all this same and I promise you that it will get worse if you marry him.
ReplyDeleteThe picture is so glaring. She should be happy he revealed his true self before marriage.
Delete@shay
DeleteGlory to GOD for that o
Person never marry woman. He is giving you conditions. It's well but on the contrary some women will jump at his offer of getting married immediately. Do court wedding. IVF. Stay in a well furnished house. Get $700 monthly as upkeep which will increase when the baby arrives. You are wearing the shoes na you know where e dey pinch you.
ReplyDeleteWhich Chronicle bis this update for? Anyone with clues? It looks like "rumour has it". Poster or Stella did not give hint about the first post
ReplyDeleteThe link for the Chronicle is there.
DeleteHe wants IVF before even trying because he is probably aware he has a problem … possibly low sperm count. I don’t think he is the right man ooo. Quite controlling and if he came from the US, be rest assured that he probably has his g*n and if he gets angry peren… you are a gunner
ReplyDeleteNo he wants to guarantee a boy
DeleteShe said it there
Link to the previous chronicle biko
ReplyDeleteStella posted it na.
DeleteBuhahahaha.. BVs I throw way cap for una.
ReplyDeleteTo think that most of you predicted this guy will be of no good still shock me!
Abeg keep it moving. You never find husband
😄😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😅😅😁😂, you mean, the poster is still single 😭😭😭😭
DeleteI sha know obsession about a person is a red flag,This one has passed jealousy.
ReplyDeletePoster,run for your life and never look back.Nothing beats peace of mind.
Pls do the wedding and come tell us stories later
ReplyDeleteThis poster will end up marrying him because of America. But just know you’ll be a shadow of yourself in this marriage. America without friends and family around can get so so lonely and hope you won’t get depressed, especially in a new country where it takes time to adjust to the system and all. Imagine including kids in this situation; No friends no family. You’ll just go into serious postpartum depression. You’re the one who knows this guy not your sister. Cut off this guy immediately and wait or find your real husband. This is a damn stressful relationship! And silent treatment from a man means he lacks emotional maturity! Please don’t marry this guy. I take God beg you.
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing is that she won’t smell America. Someone that has a white wife and kids probably daughters there in that America. . He probably wants to get male children to continue his nonsense name. He will marry you, impregnate you and keep you in that estate flat. You’ll be team my husband is in obodo Oyibo. You’re dealing with a non balanced individual.
Delete"And silent treatment from a man means he lacks emotional maturity!"
DeleteLollll that means most nigerian men are toddlers because that is how they choose to communicate. Then some will refuse to eat like little children wey shit full their diaper.
Its only when they want to fcuk that thrift vocal cords will be open wiiiiiide even using additional batteries
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😃😄
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😃😄and if he starts that his nonsense silent treatment and he is far away in America, how will you guys communicate specially wen kids start coming in. Make God no let us see bad thing
DeleteHe wants to be in total control of your life and in no time you will have no say at all. Thats a enough red flag!
ReplyDeleteTo say he's controlling is putting it mildly. You marry him, you surrender your peace, your life, everything. He can be violent as he appears bi polar. Marry him, travel to the US count down the days you will be free to walk. If you will walk all. Do you know even if he marries and takes you to the US, if he does not file papers for you, you won't get it? Only through your child(ren) but him talking about IVF, who sponsors it if he backs out?
ReplyDeleteWhat your sister is looking at is you leaving her house but where and how well is the question. She quietly and codedly wants you out but the long term of your welfare is the concern. Your man from US is not the picture he painted and wants to paint. You marry him, you go look for the longest endurance rope because it's going to be a bumpy ride full of regrets.
Good luck.
You see that second paragraph? You think every family is like that? Never assume other people family are like yours, because her sister thoughts might be on a clean slate. But no, she wants her out of her house. That's the same thing I will advise my sister, she said he is very cool, and calm and the sis feels she is over reacting but no she has another motive
DeleteOur ancestors once said " Do not start what you cannot finish .
ReplyDeleteIf you know you won't marry him don't collect the monthly upkeep money .He needs to grow up,still has a lot to learn .
Stella has said it all in her last sentence. Only proceed if you want to be an American by "fire by force" although he may keep you in Nigeria for a while. However if you want peace as you hsve inferred it's a "no-go area"
ReplyDeleteGot a bit of anxiety just reading this. Too many red flags 🚩 🚩.
ReplyDeleteThat is ehn...my heart is already beating fast. I have been there where close friends and family really want marriage for you but only you can see that this one is not okay. Double up on your job search, forget that guy abeg, no road dat side.
DeleteRUN!!!
ReplyDeleteI beg you. I just separated from mine, it does not get better o. You will cry ehnn.
My own the things he did, even his father said it is a lie that he could not imagine his son doing that.
Run please.
If it is abroad you want to go God will take you. Me I was in the abroad and still saw hell. Don't make the same mistake. Their red flags are textbook case.
I tell you. Me sef, I cry ehn. Chai
DeleteThe guy you just described sounds so familiar. And the one I know also grew up in Onitsha. All I can say is you and him are clearly not compatible. The one I know was so controlling and used accuse me of talking to other guys since he’s in Yankee and not in naija. Always wanting to know everything I’m doing at every minute. Dude was always talking about what he has achieved and what he owns. Pressured marriage as well and when I told him to wait, he got really angry and listed all the money he had ever sent to me and asked me to transfer it back to him. Thank God I earn a good salary, I transferred a total if N770K to his naija account that day immediately. He called me and started apologizing that he didn’t mean for me to pay him back. That he was just angry. I think he thought I spent the money and I’m hungry so he can control me with money. Till I shocked him. That was the end of that situationship. I never took his calls again. This your guy sounds exactly like him. Shine your eye well oh.
ReplyDeleteThis man has a mission. Something is off. Did he take you to see his people in the East? Have you done your own investigation about him or you are just ok with what he said. There is more to this man. Stay out of danger
ReplyDeleteNothing is off. They are narcissist, he needs supply but this woman is self aware, she's won't be a victim easily.
DeleteRed flags yapa for this chronicle.
ReplyDeleteHe seems like a manipulative person. Those once will always want to have things their way.
They dont care if you want same thing and you dare not complain else you will hurt them.
If i were you i will stand my ground.
Tell him your mind and the things you can't stand.
ReplyDeleteRun o!!
ReplyDeleteWhat is this?
Too much red flags
You see how that Amusan babe was running like an antelope at Commonwealth Games?
ReplyDeleteThat is how I expect to see you galloping away from him.
Block him everywhere.
This is a complete, obsessive, narcissistic psycho.
Run o!
😂😂😂
DeleteRun ke when she don hear American? Mbanu
DeleteLike the cheetah kinda run o, poster on your marks..get set...goooo.
DeleteThis man will show you shege if you marry him, I mean your eyes will see pepper!
Leave narcissistic man ALONE
ReplyDeletePITY YOUR FUTURE
Abi bondage dey hungry you?
Your sisters opinion means absolutely nothing, she will not live with him
You will!
Forget stampeding you into doom
I think he’s just immature
ReplyDeleteIf he’s otherwise nice, talk to him about his behavior and he will change
How old is this guy
@17:12, this sort of men dont change ..Poster run for your life, that man is a Psychopath, he aint right in the head!
DeleteSomebody approaching 50 years never reach to mature? Na when e go mature?
DeleteWhen e turn dinosaur?
Una see pesin wey no dey balanced mentally, obsessivecompulsivebehaviours, una dey use English rub the body. Mtsheeew.
Oh okay
DeleteI didn’t know he’s almost 50
She should run then cause he’s not just controlling, he’s foolish
Poster mark my word for it, this guy wont bring you to this America. If you marry him u will remain in that house in Nigeria and he will control u from America. If u doubt me marry him after a year or 2 write a chronicle to call me a liar.
ReplyDeleteHe will take her to America
DeleteHe’s too obsessed to let her stay in Nigeria
He will not because there is a limit to what he can do there, she will walk away he will loose. He knows very well what he is doing.
Delete18:45 this things play alot, he will never bring her to America,NEVER! mark my words. This kind of men have a partner o,Fear them. She will just keep making babies here and live in that house of his.
DeleteYou guys know she doesn’t have to get pregnant or marry him without going to America right?
Delete@17:36, very true o. He might not take her to that America. SHE NO GO EVEN SMELL AIRPORT
Delete"He did not inform anyone of his coming, his reasons Security concerns and wants to focus on his life and future."
ReplyDeleteYou are very naive and if you are not careful, people will turn your head like pap.
First of, he didn't tell anyone he was coming because he didnt want people to tax him. Simple.
Which stupid security reasons?? Is he the first Nigerian coming from any foreign country??
Secondly, if you marry this kind of man ehn, you will suffer, you will beg for death.
If you doubt me, go ahead. But screenshot this comment.
Lol pls say what you know
DeleteMany returnees don’t tell anyone
In fact your friends and family in American warm you not to tell anyone to avoid getting kidnapped or set up for robbery
The man sounds very married, either in the US or here in Nigeria, he probably just wants someone to bear him a male child in Nigeria.
DeleteHe won't file for the poster to join him in US.
He’s not married
DeleteHe’s immature
I’ve heard this same story in different ways. In fact my cousin’s friend is doing the leave the girl in naija for now thing. It’s the same fear that the girl just wants to use them for America
Na them!
ReplyDeleteNarcissist in the 💯
Run, run my sister, RUN!
Cos if you allow this guy mess you up in the way he knows how to, e go tey before you recover. You'll not even recognise yourself again.
Sister run o; my ex husband told me his parents were dead only for me to find out that his poor and sick mother lives in a rented apartment in Onitsha. The day I visited the woman, she cried and told me so many things that brought tears to my eyes. Sister, investigate very well, he could even be married you never can tell. Abeg no make mistake like me o
ReplyDeleteAda Agu
Loop holes has been shown to you and u need to be very careful
ReplyDeleteYou are very lucky that this guy exposed himself so early! Don't let him take advantage of your naivety. His kind never change, they only get worse.
ReplyDeleteYou just jammed a narcissist. Thank God he came for a month for you to get to know him and you’ve known him. My sister, I have no advice for you. Advice yourself based on your findings. You better keep searching cos you haven’t found your husband whom I’m you’re compatible with. Stop been desperate and don’t listen to your sister. Wait till you find the right man for you. And please start going out and making friends to meet good people and leave all these match made men, they usually have problem that’s why they can’t get a woman for themselves.
ReplyDeleteHe’s not a narcissist
DeleteHe’s clearly scared of losing her to someone else
Poster please ignore the scared of loosing rubbish talk
DeleteThe man no be husband
He ain't right in the head
Hmmmm, I could have sworn this is the same guy who was rushing me, only the one I know of is yoruba and in Atlanta Georgia.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't comfortable with the fact that he was already married and divorced twice at mid 40s... as in...wetin dey pursue the Nigerian women he married, Naija women wey dey like die inside marriage?? Dude was still rushing, talmabout there is no time to waste.
Always trying to steer conversation towards sex, how he must fcuk AT LEAST ONCE every day otherwise he won't feel normal. Even during his partner's menstrual cycle he said he must do it that there is nothing there. 🤮🤮🤮🤮
Extremely childish and boooooooring. You will expect a 45 year old man like that to have a mature, cosmopolitan mentality. Bobo yi very local and razz homosapien.
Chai, I SUFFERED through the most boring conversations of my entire life with this guy.😭😭😭😭😭 My heart will literally clench in agony when I see his name as caller ID. And he will want to talk multiple times a day and yet has nothing, absolutely nothing, interesting to say.😭😭😭😭
And one thing, the guy can lieeeeeeeeeee. Chai, na im suppose be the next Minster of Information. When you catch him in one lie, he will dodge, change gear, enter another lie like small pikin.
Someone who has been married and divorced twice, the 3rd time is it not magnifying glass and baby steps the person will be using to approach another person to marry?
Baba just dey rush like russian, the more he was rushing, the more I was dragging my feet, dude started unraveling, displaying strange obsessive behaviours like this poster's guy and STINGY as fcuk. 1 penny no dey drop from him pocket.
Thank God I never, ever asked him for a kobo.
My family member was always saying that I should give the guy a chance that my standards aretoo high...
Omo, I off bata run o.
Na only me know wetin I see.
Forgive the disjointed tale, my heart is even twisting thinking of all I was suffering just because I wanted to prove my family member wrong about standards.
*Ladies, trust your intuition, it won't fail you.
Hmm this Kind of person nawa o. I can't fit cope at all. He will pressurize you until you loose your mind. Nne you're not overreacting biko
ReplyDeleteThe guy seem to get too many wahala abeg, and you seem like a cool lady who knows what she wants.
ReplyDeleteYou better use your tongue to count your teeth. Do not marry that Man. Sometimes, it is better to stay in Nigeria and be happy than come to the US and be miserable. I have seen the way some of our girls are treated here. I have stepped in to help a few times. Some cases are so bad that some of these men will not even buy a winter jacket, nor cookies for their wife. Being new and without friends, they often times have no one and no where to turn to. Please, be careful.
ReplyDeleteKeep on moving, the lord is preparing something special for you.
ReplyDeleteRUN for your dear life! Marriage is meant to be enjoyable. This isn’t it!!
ReplyDeleteI don’t think it a red flag . The guy does not want his investments on you wasted . Period . And you lady , u seem to over react and complain about everything.
ReplyDeleteSee ehn , when u meet a guy he does not ave to be 10/10 , you have to put in a lot of work and mould him to your taste!! A guy that wants to place you on salary is a generous guy o !!!
Don’t be deceived ! Calm down pls !!
Poster
DeleteIgnore this
You are not called to mould oh
You are not a potter
‘Mouldable’ people are teachable.
This guy doesn’t seem teachable.
He will capture you and you won’t be able to escape
Sha go ahead if you want to
Good luck!
Na why dem dey use money shit on uns head. Salary ko, pension ni.
DeleteI know two ladies who did this years back in Naija. They ended up marrying the one-month courtship guys. One got here & found out hers wasn’t honest about his work. Though a college grad, he drove a taxi but brought a woman in a very lucrative high paying/regarded profession, deceitfully. The second guy had a white collar job but they fought often, about money & divorced after several children. I didn’t think the time was enough to know & marry a guy. I was told it was not unusual in their culture.
ReplyDeleteHere are red flags that make it seem he has/had a family here & may have had a marriage that didn’t work out. Nothing wrong if he is honest & has learned from his past.
1. It’s bizarre to be talking about IVF before marriage & months/years of trying to start a family. IVF is for fertility challenges, not an appetizer from a restaurant menu!
Does he have females but wants males, like FFK? What does that tell you about his mentality? Who talks about that within a month of dating when from your narration it doesn’t even seem you are “there” yet? Does he or the introducer think you are desperate at 32? You are too young to be seen as desperate & a bad marriage is a foretaste of hell.
Should you not have a say since you haven’t even tried at all for a baby before going through a harrowing IVF? IVF isn’t the 1st step in trying to start a new family. It’s a sign of someone with a family who wants “a surrogate for gender selection”.
2. He appears insecure & controlling. It could be evidence that he is not being totally honest with you to rush a woman into a “court marriage” within a month. Will you have a say in the relationship? He even had your life planned out & rented a place for you to stay without your say-so , you neither received a formal proposal nor said “yes” formally with his engagement ring on your finger! He overreacted to the issue of loaning your friend your car, collecting the card from you & giving you an attitude afterwards like you solicited another man.
3. I hope he wasn’t trying to take advantage of your naivety. Domestic violence among naijas here is common when a controlling guy brings a woman here but realizes she is smarter than he thought. The fights start & I hate to say this, it’s common among the couples that had these whirlwind dating, our version of “imported Naija mail order brides”. The type Trump the quintessential narcissist prefers as shown by his penchant for east European Ivana & Melania. Controlling guys feel they are easier to manipulate because they will feel indebted. Of course we know it’s not true once the passport comes out they stop to being doormats. You seem to have a master-subordinate relationship where he makes decisions without your input. It will get worse.
4. I’m not trying to put his profession down but law isn’t always a well paying profession here unless you finished from a top program or you practice immigration law with lots of “ I will pay in-installment ” naijas. Don’t be fooled by the $700 offer. It’s not a small amount but it could be a bait. Don’t get here & start paying it back by working odd jobs like a slave. Find out what he really does for a living. Ask questions.
5. You didn’t tell us if you found him attractive & fell in love with him. You seem a little taken by the fact that he is from here. If you do not feel attracted to him or love him let him go. If you love him, have someone here help you pay for a backround check on him. I nearly hired a convicted armed robber for a sensitive position but for the procedures in place for a thorough background & drug test just because an acquaintance asked me to help her daughter’s boyfriend. Needless to say privacy laws forbade me from telling her my scary findings!
May God give you the spirit of discernment & help your own man find you in Jesus name
just one month nahim wahala plenty like this. I bet you if you marry that man you will regret for the rest of your life. If you even move to that his house na wahala because he will not stop accussing you of cheating on him. Abeg o run for your dear life and for your peace of mind. The red flag is just too much and its very obvious. Honestly that man go make your life miserable. And y is he talking about ivf at this early stage abi him kini no dey work? Ko olorun ma je ka ri asu o
ReplyDelete