Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Friday, September 09, 2022

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmm.....







STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
A CHRONICLE TO LEARN FROM


Good day SDK.
I received this shocking news recently.

There are lessons for single ladies in this story that is why I want to share it.


This my childhood friend was married with three kids. Let's call her Mary. The marriage would have clocked 7yrs this December, unfortunately she called me one evening and dropped the bombshell that her marriage was over.


I was shocked. I honestly thought their marriage was blissful from what she posted on her WhatsApp status everytime.


She narrated all that happened:


Mary was working and they shared bills, he knew how much she earns, checked her account balance and monitors her spendings. She was not allowed to buy anything with her money or any other money without telling her hubby even if it is for the kids. He must know how she spends every dime. If she wants to send money to her parents, it is her husband that will tell her when to send it and also the amount.


She would go to the market with a list endorsed by her hubby, when she returns, he will check everything before they use from the items to be sure it was complete. He will now start asking how much she bought this and that and blame her for allowing them to "cheat" her on some items, saying she could have done a better bargaining.


Mary would carry gas cylinder on her head or use bike to go and buy gas. There was a car but hubby would not allow her to use it for market or any other thing. They only drove it to church or occasions.


Her hubby used to count the meat in the pot and when it finishes, he would ask her to come and account for them, he would start with "I only ate 7pieces", then she will be forced to mention how many pieces she and the kids ate and if there were visitors, how many they ate.

Stella and bvs, my mouth opened wide without my permission.


He cut her friends off by saying they are wayward, he doesn't want to see them in his house, she should cut off from them and only greet them from afar. She did it to me too. She only sent birthday wishes and seasons greetings.


He tried cutting her family off by quarrelling with all of them and telling his wife to pick whose side she belongs, she picked her hubby of course but her immediate younger sister and mum still cared about her and kept calling her. Now, she stays with that her sister.


Mary wanted to buy a washing machine to ease her stress but he refused, remember that she said he must know before she buys anything, he threatened to destroy the washing machine or anything she buys without telling him. His excuse for being against washing machine was that it doesn't wash clothes sparkling clean. He said hands were the best. He also said there is alubarika (Goodwill) for a wife that washes her husband's clothes with her hands so she should not pay for them to be washed especially his own clothes.


By now, my mouth had hung in that opened position permanently...


The last straw that broke the camel's back was that the man was a cheat, he kept infecting her with all kinds of STDs and then he will twist it and put it on her head.

 He would tell her to think of any toilet she used outside the house, that she brought it home from there because women's private part attracts diseases faster.

Mary kept enduring until the last disease made her to have a premature baby. He still put the blame on her and accused her of sleeping around while pregnant.


She lived in constant fear and was recently diagnosed of HBP at just 34.


When she could not keep it in anymore, she opened up to her sister who told her mum and they both stormed the house to remove her and her things when the man was at work, she was still on maternity leave.


Remember he had quarreled with her whole family. He couldn't call any of them, he called the wife and gave her an ultimatum to return to the house or forget the marriage, she didn't bulge. That was how marriage packed up.


I asked if she didn't notice the signs while dating. She said she saw some signs but didn't take them serious.

I asked her "what signs did you see?"

She said when they were dating, he would give her money to stock up his kitchen, he would come back and see the things she bought and jokingly say "is this all you bought with that plenty money?"


He would jokingly ask her how much she earns and tell her to spend wisely.
Then he would borrow from her and refuse to return it. He would tell her that a good woman supports her man.


He would jokingly tell her to stop giving money to her family members because family are never satisfied.


He would ask where she went to and warn her to always carry him along when she goes anywhere. They lived 1 hour apart when they were dating yet he was monitoring her movements.


He would cheat and blame her for it, mentioning one bad thing that she did in the past which "pushed him outside".


She endured the cheating thinking he would change if she tries harder to be the perfect woman. Uncle did not change. She went ahead with the marriage thinking he would change after marriage.

Nothing changed, instead he got worse.


Now she is jobless as she had to leave that city to another city close to me here, where her parents and sisters live. Her mum now told her to reconnect with all the friends that she cut off from and beg them. She should explain her predicament to them and see if they can help her with a job at least.


I felt for her but there is little I can do to help financially or jobwise. I consoled her on phone and prayed for her. I will try to be there for her by offering listening ears and consolation words. I won't say any negative thing against her hubby or tell her to go ahead and file for divorce, My eyes have seen enough from stories on this blog.
Abi, how do you people see it? Should I visit her or maintain only phone contact?


Singles in the house, I hope you learned a thing or two from this.




WOW.....
Please visit her, you dont need to keep a distance, cutting you off was not her choice. I honestly pray that she does not go  back to him... You did not tell us if they had kids or not.....
I pray she heals well and moves on from that man without attempting to go back? Most of them always do and leave in a bag.

86 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Is this my mom's sister's story, things dey happen I swear and refuse to believe this story at your expense. To make it worse, such husbands cheat to high heavens.

      Delete
  2. Such a sad story. But she shouldn't have married him since the handwriting was clearly written on the wall.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is not a message for singles only but for the married ones as well. Dying in silence in the name of marriage.

      It is not an achievement if you end up in the grave and make your children motherless. Better to be broke with peace of mind divorced than to stay married with pain mixed with money.

      Delete
  3. Oh no😒😒 some men re devils.
    pls visit her, she needs her old friends for emotional support this partcular time of her life

    ReplyDelete
  4. If we call the man a narcissistic man now, his colleague in the business will say we are throwing the word around.

    Where una dey see this kain people marry abeg? Oh Chim! I have to tell u anytime I want to send my people money or buy anything for my kids.

    Chukwu aju!

    It's a good thing she left. Better a broken marriage than a dead woman. I hope she finds a job and starts to heal.

    Poster, pls can u help us tell her to file for divorce and on no account should she ever return to that beast of a man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Narcissism pro Max mixed with severe lack in childhood and pathological poverty mentality. The woman needs more than just visit. She needs intensive therapy after these years of sustained abuse

      Delete
  5. This looks like a Nollywood movie. Wow... What kind of a man is this? How can a woman be this naive, desperate and blind to put up with such a man for this long? Is marriage a certificate to heaven?

    Stella, she has chilren. It was mentioned in the narrative.

    Dont leave your leave alone. Help her get back to herself if you can be of help to her.

    I think ladies/women should realize that being with some certain kind of men is worst than being single for life. Relationship or marriage is not a degree or something you must patch up with or think there will be a change somehow.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I stopped reading at a point when I got upset. You see most of the things some irresponsible men do in marriages, a good number of you women contributed to it by condoning those silly acts abnitio.

    When you notice things like this in a marriage, you don't need the pretence or quietness to keep holding on. What for? To remain Mrs or what? Come to think you are working and doing well for yourself.

    A good number of women would have been saved earlier in bad marriages if only they truly opened up what they were going through to family members or the welfare authority.

    Women, always insist on court marriage so you can easily sue for divorce and get a fair share of your labour and years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oga Teejay, you mean well but just stop with the blames. It is still here that your fellow men tell women that reality is different from the life online. They boast and brag that men are naturally polygamous and there is nothing women can do about it. It is still men like you that insist on women enduring such red flags because she has to prove she is 1000 yards wife material. The change starts with you men. Frankly,women are tired. We just don't win in any way,whether as a long suffering wife,a divorcee or a widow.

      Delete
    2. Ak047, NO! It's not men like me. Be specific and stop the generalization. I have never for once encouraged or supported women to stay in such marriages.

      You can't say I mean well and in the same time accuse me by generalizing. You can dig any comments of mine on this blog to support your accusations.

      Not all men are insensitive to the plight of women. I take an exemption to your rant above. I have a sister who suffered such treatment and I know the role I played. So I speak with experience.

      Thanks.

      Delete
    3. No matter how hard you try, you end up always blaming the victim especially when they are female.
      Ezege indeed.

      Delete
    4. Thanks @Paprika.

      Anon 16:43, they can never please you people. No, not in this life.

      Keep trying so hard to paint me a woman's hater here, the sensible ones knows I'm not.

      Delete
    5. Well said Teejay!
      What business did she have opening her legs for a chest if he truly infected her multiple times?
      What business does she have bringing kids into toxicity when there is birth control after the 1st child?
      Why enable a narcissist?
      Why ? Why? Why?
      To the man , I hope he keeps hugging shame and misery!

      Delete
    6. Teejay. I agree with you. I always feel why will I allow you bully me. I was a human being before the marriage and I will still be one after. Damn!

      Delete
  7. Stella they had 3 kids.. upon everything the msn still cheats nawao.. this one is torture o. No freedom. Glad she's out let her think straight

    ReplyDelete
  8. She really passed through a lot

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  9. Poster, I learned a lot. You should visit her. Thank you.

    Stella mama, she said they have 3 Kids already.

    Good afternoon

    ReplyDelete
  10. Awwww,its well with her
    πŸ™

    ReplyDelete
  11. I hope she doesn't go back to the man cos he wants to destroy her.i pray she gets a good job again.pls pay her a visit

    ReplyDelete
  12. πŸ‘„ehn hmmmm what did I just read

    I pray she gets all the strength she needs not to return the man

    ReplyDelete
  13. That was a bondage. Thank God for delivering her..

    Please, visit her for old time sake. She went through hell, she needs friends now.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Please,. Marriage is not by force, Una go just marry dey kill unasef, who is doing who naw? Haba..

    I for one don't mind staying alone for the rest of my life if that's what would give me the peace and happiness I want..

    I don't understand this borrowing of money and not refunding back that relationship people always do, it's so disgusting as fvck,. When I talk about these things, people would say im not ready for relationship, I'm actually not ready for nonsense.. this particular stuff na ladies do am pass, however let me say this, a real man would do everything to avoid borrowing money from you, unless he has no other option, and if he eventually do, he pays back . Don't ever settle for a man that's shameless and has no pride, it should be you that'll notice he's going through stuff he doesn't want to open up to you about and want to help, not him running over to you always for assistance like a beesh!

    The funny thing is that this lady would still return to the man🀌

    ReplyDelete
  15. The "red flags" were there but refused to see it.
    It's well and it be nice if you can visit her at least.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Poster please go visit and console her,maintain the energy of not talking badly against her hubby,Your only job is to give her a shoulder to lean on whichever way you can.
    She will be alright

    I actually respect women that take their time before they marry or breakup longtime toxic relationships before it ends in marriage,they see things that desperados don't.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Na to first arrange boys wey go give the guy serious wotowoto den file for divorce

    ReplyDelete
  18. This post reeks of hidden mockery and jealousy from poster disguised with care and empathy.I pray you find peace and your friend gets her life together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only you is seeing the hidden mockery and jealousy sha, what I saw is shock cos she had no idea things were that bad.

      Delete
  19. How she was able to live with such a man for almost 7 year is what baffles me
    Because...

    ReplyDelete
  20. Please visit her,she need nice people around her now.
    I pray she will not go back to that man.
    Women dey suffer sha

    ReplyDelete
  21. I hate to hear stories like this abeg.
    God has given everyone brain, the brain God gave you to secure a job, so marriage suddenly stops the brain from functioning.
    The husbands that turn slow people like these to doormats are also normal children from normal parents.
    I believe your friend was doing all these to keep her ‘marriage’ but what happened at the end?
    God cannot be mocked. You think God is happy with you the way you(his daughter) is enduring avoidable pain?
    I just laugh when people concentrate on women with no jobs, whereas the wives with jobs are the one taking and enduring all the dirty things in this world. For a marriage you are sharing bills, why endure so much pain.
    These men that act like these actually pick their victims with sense.
    All those dating period, he was stylishly showing her his attitude, was just to see if she is a fool that will accept his ways. And he got his answers. Reason he decided to marry her.
    God is love. 2 shall become 1. Why would you allow a human like you to treat you like this? You work, yet he tells you what and when to send to your parents. Upon all that she treats stds always. Why reduce yourself to a sorry case. If you are not happy, speak out.
    I am all for togetherness in marriage, but togetherness can only work in a love marriage. Not boss and maid marriage.
    Its good for couples to do things together, Infact i love it. But you are intelligent na, when the marriage is full of bitterness, then why would one person continue to be a victim?
    Marriage is meant to be enjoyed. Yes, there will be hard times, but with love, families will overcome. I wish you your friend well in her future endeavors. She should not give up on love. But open her eyes in the next one.
    Men and women, please lets say no to abuse. Stand up for yourself! No matter the perpetrator. Lets be a good example to our children, because they are watching.
    Lots of men&women are bitter today because of experiences from their parents when they were young.
    May God help single men and women to be able to choose well, and do well by their partners.
    Sista Jane.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can we pls stop telling ourselves that there will be hard times in marriages? To me, it's like calling that hardship to ur marriage

      Delete
    2. Eka life is full of up and downs that is what she mean't. I know you are answering this because of life have been good since you married but best believe anything can happen. that is why we pray everyday because the days are full of evil. And just so you know challenges must come as long as na this life we dey.

      Delete
    3. Well, I choose to tell myself there will be no hard times in my marriage and by the grace of God, I have not faced any hard times and I will keep prophecying that into my marriage

      Delete
  22. Hmmmmm, nawa oooo. God help single girls to be wise when taking decision to get married. Some men are just terrible.

    ReplyDelete
  23. When I thought I have read it all, booooooom, here comes something else to complete my embarrassment.
    Why is marriage full of woes? Why why and why for God sake. It scares the shit out of singles.
    Let him enjoy his space and loneliness for once. You don’t know what you have until you loose it. He should not have ventured into marriage if he was not ready.
    Enough said.
    (Lady A)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not all marriage is full of woes, you know. Just ask God to direct a better man to you and not a beast like this one. Good marriages exist and that's it

      Delete
  24. I really pray she doesn't find a reason to ever go back. That was bondage and not Marriage, there's a difference. I sometimes wonder, such men, what do they see when they look at themselves in the mirror? Do they actually see a true man or the devil himself

    ReplyDelete
  25. The sad part is this kind of relationships are more common than we think, one partner will be over controlling and manipulative and sometimes, cheaters as well but you'll never know from the outside cos the controlling partner will cut off all family and friends.

    I really hope she doesn't go back to him, possibility of him caring for their kids is slim sha, maybe she can report to women ministry, welfare or any women foundation around her, I know some do render help with finance, skill acquisition and co.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Poster, please visit your friend and before anything else, please give her a really BIG/TIGHT hug.

    People, ladies especially, should stop trying to do the work of the Holy spirit. No one can change the other person except he/she is determined or decides to change.

    If you are "fortunate" to see the RED FLAGS before marriage, please leave. Don't stay back, telling yourself he (or she) would change. All those "he jokingly said", I feel she too should have "jokingly sat down and given them deep thoughts".

    I really pray she doesn't go back after "much much".

    ReplyDelete
  27. I am just traumatized reading this chronicle. I am shivering. I am more scared of marriage now

    ReplyDelete
  28. Na WA oh some women can take rubbish in the name of marriage o, Tueh! Godforbid money I struggle to make money one man will come and dictate to me how to spend lt or send to my parents tufiakwa!... As much as you hunger to marry as a woman don't loose yourself because of "husband's house"... Peace of mind is very important in every decision that should be made as a person, your OWN peace of mind..

    ReplyDelete
  29. Such a painful story..she will overcome.please,don't stay far from her.please, which state is she based and what course did she study?Dear fellow blog readers, let's see if there is a way we can help

    ReplyDelete
  30. Honestly I feel for her, my husband knws he can’t cut me off from my family as wat na. Yes he can knw wat I earn bt u dictating tins for me is a no no. May God help her to heal.

    ReplyDelete
  31. The type of things people take all in the name of marriage hmmmmm, I'll not be able to stand one quarter of it o. Mrs no be by force.

    ReplyDelete
  32. What some women endure in marriage is unbelievable. This story is a sad one indeed. Poster, kindly do whatever you can to help this your friend. She needs all the love and care she can get at this point in her life. What a terrible husband she married!

    ReplyDelete
  33. It really sad reading this,may God come through for her,there is no point staying in a bad marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  34. It's well
    Please go and visit her

    ReplyDelete
  35. Ohhh marriage and men my sister it's not easy I can't advice now as I'm going through my own shit... Pls Stella I posted mine in that boredom post of yesterday I don't how to send it to you pls I will be waiting for advice ma'am

    ReplyDelete
  36. Pls call her. I pray she does not go back.

    ReplyDelete
  37. This sounds like a movie but I am sure it is as real as day and night. I know some women who are going through unimaginable things in the hands of their husband but will rather die than leave because of what people will say and what they have used their mouth to tell the whole world about their man. Things happen. Help her if you can financially. No one can help her emotionally like herself. Time heals all wounds. She will be fine. It is just a matter of time

    ReplyDelete
  38. I feel so bad for your friend,but I pray she finds solace in God, because right now,He is the only one that can comfort and restore her,even her friends won't give her what she needs..in all the counsel of God stands sure

    ReplyDelete
  39. She married a mad man even with all the signs. My own is, make she no attempt to go back to that beast of a man

    ReplyDelete
  40. I run a women support program, I hear alot. Sometimes I feel bad hearing all these stories and little I can do cos most women in this part of the world have been brainwashed to take everything from a man , is a sign of good wife.
    Imagine a man flogging his wife, locks her in a room ,(face me I wound you ooo), keeps bucket for her to use till he returns in evening, with only bread and water as food, pregnant woman ooo, made her delivered in the room, it took years of secretly meeting her and advising her after 2 kids, she left the man without even a bye to me. But I am very happy she left.
    Another one that her sons used to slap her if she didn't heed to their needs cos that's how their dad slaps her anyhow.
    One thing I have observed, it takes a lot of painful experience and courage to open up to me.
    Women that their husbands rape every night whether period or not.
    A woman ,the hubby caught infection,infected her, and was treating himself, hiding drugs in cupboard locked with key and was not touching her for 2 years while she was begging money to buy drugs.
    Nigeria women ,mostly IGBO WOMEN dey see many things for marriage and is not easy for them to make any strong decision.

    ReplyDelete
  41. The most painful part is another woman will still come into his life and go through this again....

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  42. Na wa!!!
    Wetin women no go see for some shambles called Marriage??

    Thank God for her o, and pray she never goes back to that Eqypt.

    ReplyDelete
  43. One of the challenges of marriage right here..... thousands still abound,whom marriage is given a measure of wisdom is also given.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Poster, when you have money, support her financially.
    Don't visit her or advise her to divorce her husband. She knows the right thing to do(to divorce her husband).

    Reason why I'm telling you this is because the chances of her going back is higher than that of her divorcing him.

    ReplyDelete
  45. This story really provoked me, as in I feel like cursing that man. God will judge him, a bad spouse destroys and kills.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I don't know where women see these demons they marry, and they will still be pretending that All is well on social media and in real life. That's why it's not good to be tapping anything, just pray to God to give you good things in life and not like someone's, because I'm very sure a lot of people would've tapped into this sham not knowing they're tapping curse.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most of the time the men pretend. And because the ladies gave high pass mark to the men, they were they are embarrassed and are ashamed to speak out. Other times the men threaten then. And some and some other times the parents of the lady don't want her to come back. I'm some society the women can't go back no matter how bad it is. So. There are a whole lot of factors.

      Delete
  47. Women are bearing in marriage o, what did I just read? Is by force to marry? With men like this ladies will stay unmarried.

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  48. I will find it hard to believe this story, even if the man is a demon............

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  49. This kind of man is like temite, they will eat your flesh and what will be left is the skin and bone alone, no one will know till you collapse one day and die.πŸ™ˆπŸ™Š

    ReplyDelete
  50. Please DO NOT VISIT HER.
    Dey your dey.
    Married women who cut off single women when they are married feeling all powerful, when you are kicked out, go and find your fellow married women to help you.
    You will still be the ones to insult single ladies with your crusty mouths and then will not allow them enjoy their money, always begging money for one thing or the other.
    Abeg carry your wahala and go

    ReplyDelete
  51. This would have been my story if not for divine intervention. I almost married my ex after dating for over 7 years. My eyes saw just about the same things lasted above. What opened my eyes o e day was when he said my mum that likes call tat as soon as we get married he will li.it it. During courtship as soon as I was paid I send a large chunk to hi.m in the name of savings while the remaining he monitors it like a evil spirit .
    I needed to buy a nice shoe for a friend's wedding , I saw what I loved , oga said it was too expensive that I should go for o e cheap old school shoe. Mi d you we were not I the same state ooo.
    One day I needed to send my parents money and my siblings money , when Oga heard he said can't they manage their pension and can't my siblings go work for money. Whu must I send them money. Its like that was the day the scale fell off my eyes.
    What of when I travel to see hi. Nor, hmmmm he may start boiling beans for me when I arrive saying I shkd wait for it to get done . Haaaa see my life.
    In all the years we dated I could not pin point anything he bought for me . But almost all the things he has na me buy am sorry I got a scholarship fund and I lavished it on him.
    When I met my husband ohhhh his kindness love patience and gift giving swept me away. .
    I thank God every day for saving me from that package devil nearly delivered to me.
    So the story is real

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God saw your kind heart and decided to compensate you with your hubby.

      Delete
    2. Sometimes I wonder what you women use your brains for? 7years of absolute trash?
      7 years?
      If we check now ,even the one you are praising is far below the bar.
      But you won't know because you've never experience trust, attention, respect and generosity from a man ai you wont even know.
      What a pity.

      Delete
  52. Some women don suffer in the name of marriage. Please get close to her so she can heal fast. Bp at 32, wicked man.

    And this thing they preach “no third party should know what is happening in your marriage” is very wrong.

    Ada Agu

    ReplyDelete
  53. Some women don suffer in the name of marriage. Please get close to her so she can heal fast. Bp at 32, wicked man.

    And this thing they preach “no third party should know what is happening in your marriage” is very wrong.

    Ada Agu

    ReplyDelete
  54. How do some women sleep with a man that maltreats them?

    ReplyDelete
  55. My gender will see the signs and still put head thinking that they can change a grown up ass man who his parent couldn't change. Someone's son will become your prayer point for him to change when you should be praying for yourself.

    Make una continue dey do mumu on top marriage way no make sense.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Mine tried that nonesense of saying I should choose, I choose my family Kawai!!!!! He shock. Tried to form separation, my elder sister arrange for work and I got a job from Nigeria with permit, na so I Waka, he is still in shock till date. We ain't divorced, I told him he can remarry, I don't actually care. I have moved, with 3 preteens, I'm done with marriage, I'm cool with a common law partner.

    ReplyDelete
  57. An oloriburuku husband that wants alubarika how is that possible? Poster please organise a GoFundMe for her by contacting her family and friends or better still help her get a job so that she won't go back to that man

    ReplyDelete
  58. I just dey fear for this thing called marriage.

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  59. Mouth hanging open after reading. Poster please visit her but tame your tongue.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Poster, please help her as much as you can. Be kind to her, she needs it now. These kind of controlling relationships are not easy to break away from, all in the name of love. Forgive her and be kind to her.

    ReplyDelete

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