Hmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
COLD FEET
I recently got engaged, did introduction, civil wedding will be in few weeks time.
My issue is that my guy complains about everything. I recently turned off my read receipt and it was an issue. I turned off my last seen and he was demanding for reason i did it.
I sell jewelries on my WhatsApp, most times i see messages that are not worth replying. Because i don’t want the person thinking i don’t want to reply but my last seen was few second ago.
I’m just getting tired about a lot of things. He nags, me that’s a very cheerful person is now always angry. If we’re on call and maybe the call drops due to network you must explain. I’m really tired about.
I love my space, I can be in my room from Monday to Sunday, without talking or going out.
*If you are talking about loving your space then you should not get married unless you discuss this with your spouse... does he not trust you or what? Didn't you see all these signs in the beginning? Hmmmmmm i see you sending in more Chronicles later.... If you decide to marry this man, don't start making babies immediately ooooh....
If you are not desperate then call it off.
You're already losing your cheerfulness before marriage, are you sure you want to continue? Has he always been like this? Is this his only flaw?
ReplyDeleteMy dear make I no lie you, wahala dey front after marriage. Having walked in your shoes, I can tell u with certainty that you can never be happy with this man in marriage. The greatest element of any relationship is TRUST and he does not trust u and it is not because of anything you have done wrong. You will be exhausted from explaining your every move in life. As an adult, you deserve some right to not explain ur every action to another person. I don't want to give examples but I know you understand.
DeleteYour fiance is exhibiting signs of insecurity, and this will trickle down into everything u do, your relationships with males in general even your brother may not be exempted. If u have colleagues who are males, pastors, gatemen, or male clients, he will soon accuse you of having affairs with all of the above, all of which is a concoction of his mind. He will
embarrass you for greeting a neighbour's husband with a smile Social media nkor, he will drive you out of. He will isolate u out of that ur small personal space and his mind still won't trust u.
You will keep giving up stuff just so he can be at peace no way until u lose yourself. U will never be happy. In marriage, his behavior will magnify. E fit smells your pant, accuse u say your vajayjay don wide from yesterday, maybe another man entered there. Your female friends are not off limit as he will say they are ashawo, u should make friends with women 50 and above lol. I can go on and on. I just shared my experience
with u.
Don't let anyone tell u he would change or it's a sign he loves you, even our God is jealous, jealousy is an attribute of love, not in this case.
Your man has a mental unbalance from insecurity and maybe some past events which have shaped him. He is about to make you his victim. I won't tell you not to marry him, cos sometimes you may think, after marriage he would be secure in the sense you are now his and calm down na lie. He is damaged don't become his prey and you begin to miss that your tiny bed in your father's house.
I left one out, he will soon add beating for u.
DeleteYou saved me the strength of typing @tiana
DeleteGood realistic points Tiana!
DeleteGod bless you.
@poster, please use your tongue to count your teeth.
Life is hard already, don't use your hand to go and buy cement and concrete!
You know exactly what to do.
If you have to start by explaining yourself at every turn, you will have a hard time with him. I broke a relationship the was draining like this. He calls I don't pick, wahala. I post something on Facebook I am indirectly referring to him. You don't need this. Pls. Reappraise your relationship and see if you want to go ahead. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
ReplyDeleteHe seems insecure and troublesome, some men can nag till end of the world.
ReplyDeleteI guess you should pause about this your wedding and try and go for pre-marital counseling. Try and work on your comparability too, because this is a forever thing you're entering, living with such man can be very tiring and saddened
*Larry was here*
Some men are petty and thats a fact. So you have to decide either you deal with it or you leave if you cant deal. Don't worry when you start having children or he get's very busy with a lot of work he wouldn't bother you so much. Even when he bothers just ignore and dont get offended or have little fights. You need to make up your mind.
Delete@16:51
DeleteShe would not be able to cope. Apart from the Man's on fault, she loves her space and that's what is accentuating the faults.
She cannot cope. The man will not change. He would only stop by going out.
Poster, make your choice
I write from personal experience.
Was he like this before now or did you do or tell him anything to trigger this reaction? Please talk to him and let him know how his action is getting to you.
ReplyDeleteHmmm,this red flag,is not red enough? 🤔
ReplyDeleteVery soon, there won't be anything called marriage in this our obodo Nigeria again. Everything is, take a walk, leave him, run oo, what are you waiting for?, call off the engagement etc etc. Haha da Allah! Ndi advisers. When y'all will not even stop bringing everything to soso media...oh well...y'all also give unsolicited advice too though. Na waya!
DeleteWhy will a man have time for all these things, when he should be busy making money. I see a controlling husband to be here.
ReplyDeleteIf you have the strength to always explaining things to him, you can go ahead, because it will never stop but gets bad. But if you can’t,run and never stop running 💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾. I also foresee domestic violence in the future.
Simply let him be
ReplyDeleteBoth of you are not ready. One is chief complainant. One is space holder. Ngwunu kwantinu
ReplyDeleteHave talks with him and let him know you don't like them, if he won't stop please leave if I can't take it... He might be scared of so many things too, might be insecure and need to know he is that special one to you,prolly needs assurance that you ain't playing with him. Watch out for red flags too, being extra obsessive, infact study his mental health.
ReplyDeletePlease call of the engagement. This is a very unhealthy, toxic and stressful relationship and yea your man is toxic .
ReplyDeleteFinding a partner should make you a better person not turn you into an angry person, it’s not looking good at all.
Please abort mission .
Wish you would take the advice but I doubt you can call it off especially the society we live in which enables nonsense like your man is doing in the name of love .
He won’t change , it’s going to get worse and happiness will elude you.
Lady MorgiannE
The early the better for you..
ReplyDeleteKnow what you want and go for it,to avoid stories later..
God's direction
It's better you disengage yourself now before getting married. A broken engagement...
ReplyDeleteLmaooo. These are not bvs at this point cos what in the name of desperation is this. You’ll now birth sons and daughters that will wreck more havoc in their own families. Na wa oo
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a lifetime commitment.pls pray and create more rooms for communication with him.make up ur mind and be sure this guy can really bring out the best in u.goodluck
ReplyDeletePoster,please call it off. This is a disaster waiting to happen. Men who nag are the worst thing that can happen to a woman. It won't end with you. He will extend it to your family and your kids. Abort mission abeg.
ReplyDeleteIf you're seeing the red flags now then it's better u call it off now than later. A broken engagement is better than broken marriage. What u won't tolerate as a rich man u better start rejecting it now that you're still poor.
ReplyDeletePoster, I see a TRUST issue here.
ReplyDeleteIf he trust you he will not make a fuse our of all these.
I cut off a relationship with a guy I really admired cause he turned on his disappearing messages which I saw as a red flag since I just met him.
So this is a TRUST issue. I wonder how long you guys knew yourselves.
Give him time and assurance
I don’t trust anyone who has turned off their last seen and blue ticks and doesn’t answer calls from unknown numbers.
DeleteI wouldn’t trust you either. Your reason doesn’t make sense and, that makes your an untrustworthy businesswoman.
You will rather hide that reply your customers.
These actions of yours can cast doubt. Beware that, as the wedding approaches, both of you are on edge looking out for any sign. So, the tiniest thing can make your partner fear and develop a cold feet. The reverse is true too.
Some spouses to be have been known to do “last time cheating/goodbyes” before the wedding. That comes with hiding and being secretive. If your partner to be is conscious of these occurrences, he or she will be suspicious and question every action of yours.
Check yourself and listen to your intuition and make a decision whether to call off the wedding or not.
15:22 disappearing messages function comes on o it’s own if you set up WhatsApp that way. I sent mine up like that so I have actually turn it off otherwise my messages disappear on default
Delete16:32 your lack of trust of peole who turn off these things us almost funny. Mine are turned off. Customers and coworkers are the people I don’t want tracking me
Ha! This was my immediate ex. This man used obsession and complaints to frustrate my life. If I find pick his call when he calls, he will complain and no explanation is ever good enough for him. If I want to visit friends or attend functions like birthday nko, that one is a no no from him.
ReplyDeleteLet me just tell u, it only gets worse. And na so e dey start. From complaining, e go turn slap one day. Imagine a man turning you from ur happy self to an angry person, this was what my ex turned me to. Also turned me to a complainant, cos as he’s complaining, I will also be complaining about his complaints.
Except u want to continue in this ur anger that will probably only get worse, you know the exact thing to do.
If I begin talk wetin my ex do me, una go follow me cry. I lost my self esteem ,I became a shadow of myself to the point that I don't know the color of my school gate cos i always look down when walking so I won't be accused of looking at men. Iya je mi baje until I summon courage to walk, he even threatened that he has my nude that if I leave he will post it at my school gate
DeleteEla and Game, you guy's are experienced. Poster, read and compare with what I wrote above and you will see similarities in narratives.
DeleteNo na Stella, I think the wedding is just taking a tow on both of them but they are acting it out differently. Poster please seat him down and have a tête â tête with him before proceeding. You can postpone the wedding for now but don't go calling it off immediately.
ReplyDeleteToll not tow pls
DeleteUna no Dey look pass? Assistant dictionary
DeleteNot wedding plans toll. The Poster and her man are incompatible. She doesn't want to be accountable. He is clingy and want her to over account.
DeleteA woman who does not like accounting should leave men who demand accounting alone.
Demand accounting asof he is addressing a toddler? Please psychotic people like this who are always suspicious of every movement and word should be reserved ONLY for those who enjoy rehabilitation projects.
DeleteMy dear you are now a married woman. This particular man will always be in your space. It's time to adjust. You are newly married, it will take a little time to build solid trust. Maybe you should start explaining some things before they happen eg honey I want to off my last seen on WhatsApp because of so and so reason. First five years in marriage is not always easy. You will be fine. God bless your marriage.
ReplyDeleteDunno where u ppl got the idea that the first five years of marriage is not always easy 🙄
DeleteVery funny statement, I have been married for 3 year now and the marriage didn’t stress me. No difficulties too, this statement almost made me scared of marriage
DeleteZaram,how is she a married woman? When did introduction equate marriage? Or you didn't see where she said registry is in a few weeks?
DeleteEven if she is actually married,so all you can advise her is to adjust to a time bomb waiting to happen? Na your type dey advise people like Osinachi to endure till they enter grave. Shiorr🙄😡
Eka, help me ask them cos mine has been so much easy so far. The only thing we are waiting for is for God to bless us more than we are now and the easier will be even much more Easier
DeleteEka the stats say it’s usually difficult
DeleteYour rosy start doesn’t mean others are not experiencing something different
19:16 Then let those suffering speak for themselves and not assume everyone's suffering as well and use sp called 'stats' that have no origin to console themselves. There are many of us whose marriages have been sweet right from the onset.
DeleteI have turned off my ' read' and 'last seen' on my whatsapp and have no problem with anybody.
ReplyDeleteBe careful and make hay while the sun shines
I do not want to sound cliche, but this is him, it is who he is and he WILL NOT CHANGE. He would nag you till you become tired and drained. Make sure you know what you are about to enter. Ask him to postpone the wedding for now. Go and meet certified counsellors and find out why he behaves that way and if he sees it as an issue.
ReplyDeleteThat way he is willing to work on it before you marry.
If not, you go tire for this kind of petty man.
My husband did not like that I put off my read receipts. If i knew what i Know now, I would have postponed my wedding and done some major excavation. Now he dey vex if i wear what ho doesnt like. I just ignore him because I dont see how that is an issue for him.
Its extra stressful, believe me. People need to be whole before they enter marriage.
People have likes and dislikes. That doesn't make them incomplete persons.
DeleteI married one. You see that last statement; becoming whole before marriage...that was my saving grace. If not, I would have been swallowed and regurgitated. I fought back. Me sef I was like, if I no get peace, you sef no go get. I fought back and I could because I knew who I was before marriage and no one would make me question myself. Once I called his bluff and he saw that I was not going to be broken by him, he started changing. Me sef no send again. However, not all men will change o. So poster, if you are not tough and can stand your ground, please run.
Delete18:05 imposing your likes on others and seeing issues where there are none, does make you incomplete
Deleteif you love your space and want to stay indoor all day, week then you shouldn't be getting married at all cos that part of you will be gone once you get married.
ReplyDeleteYour husband has started nagging abi he has been nagging but you decided to press the ignore button till after the traditional marriage has been settled before you started seeing it. This guy has been acting same way since but you did not speak out till now, if you are not okay with his attitude you can still pull out before you start sending more chronicles after the wedding.
You should also have a sit-out with your man and discuss your fear and all you have observed about him. Is possible your people gave him so much bill when he came for your hand in marriage and he is using that to get bad at you. Just saying this should in case he wasn't like this from the beginning but suddenly changed.
No to your first part
DeleteThere are people that love staying home so she can easily find a good Match
I don't really have any advice to offer you...but please bear in mind that a registry wedding is legally-binding. You will be his legally-wedded wife, so if you should decide to call it quits, you will need to go through a formal divorce. Think well!
ReplyDeleteAnother thing...it's very disappointing to read that an entrepreneur feels some people's messages are not worth replying! If your business struggles now, you will say it's "village people and enemies of progress," meanwhile it's your poor customer service.
It’s because you have not seen idiots that send messages. You don’t know the kind of messages she doesn’t want to respond to yet you’ve rushed to judge her entrepreneurial spirit based on that
DeleteFunny enough, you've done the same thing you're accusing me of doing. You've judged them and labelled them as idiots without also knowing anything about the questions they've sent her.
DeleteA lot of business owners judge their potential customers by their appearance. They're always in a hurry to respond to those that have designers, trips, cars etc on their page, whilst ignoring the ones they feel don't have much. Meanwhile, it's those ones that will purchase 10 products at the advertised price, whilst the "rich-looking" ones will be trying to beat down your price.
@SMH: Before you dive on your head all in the name of galloping to assumptions, how about you ask her what type of messages are not worth responding.
DeleteBy the time you get strange men sending you WhatsApp messages on your business line saying 'baby how far' ' hi angle' ( yes angle) 'sup?' And other irrelevant nonsense, you will know why it is better to ignore such conversation than even responding.
Anyway your user name is quite fitting.
I agree that most initial messages should receive a response
DeleteAnon 19:19. I don’t agree. The only appropriate response to “Hi baby” on a business line is to ignore. You don’t want to open a can of worms by engaging with someone like that. Even if you try to find a way to turn the convo professional, they will try their utmost best to drag you down into the gutter with them.
DeleteThis is enough grounds to walk away because 2-5years down the line omo it will multiply by 100. Mental health issue is to be taken seriously else, hmmm. You know what is in your best interest sha.
ReplyDeleteYou are about to marry a lord and personal saviour.
ReplyDeleteThis kind person no fit change.
Goodluck
Lord and personal saviour, ke? 😂😂
DeleteAnytime I remember my ex,I double my offering in church. God forbid bad thing
ReplyDeleteHahahaha. Kai. You have to share this your story. Sorry and thank God for you
DeleteHe does not have anything doing? Why will he be so vested in your life though if you don't want? I don't give my woman avenue to complain about me, she likes her space too, I gave her a thousand yards. I do not even query her if she misses my calls, even her WhatsApp is like that, I really do not poke my nose in her business, your man should do the same, he needs lessons.
ReplyDeletePOSTER PLEASE WALK AWAY.
ReplyDeleteThis was just me years back... What will people say, he will change, no man is perfect, blabla. I entered into the Union. Years down, I am not happy in the marriage. My only joy is the sonshines God blessed me with and my job. I can't have a simple conversation with him as he will read all kinds of meaning to what I say. I soldem smile and very unhappy.
Please take a break and re-evaluate the relationship.
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not endured.
Choose to be happy
DeleteHow can you allow a miserable broken git have such power to change your personality?
Let use be calming down...
ReplyDeleteQ1. You live your space and you want to marry, as in how? You will soon become husband + kids+ family+ in-laws. At every turn everything action becomes double for you and him. Or u want to be pressing fone wifey
Q2. Are there question marks thatt has made him suspect your moves, how are you selling jewellery since and you no deactivate read or blue tick now u wan marry u remember nne u be suspect.
Q3. He was like this or did this just start? If you can't answer this then your mind was never in the relationship as you were too in your space to notice .
Q4. What is your personal expecting in a marriage? U go dey fone and Ur room 247, you live in Ur space he lives where he lives. He marries you and don't communicate with you.i smell boring wife syndrome loading. Later you will come and say hubby is too boring. U can see u don't even have a plan or an idea of how you want your married life to be.
Nne leave the man alone I don't think u r read for marriage till your 50s
Points well hammered.
DeleteHold off the wedding. Go for counseling with him. See if there is light at the end of tunnel. Proceed or abort mission accordingly.
ReplyDeleteAnything that will kill your cheerfullmess is a RED flag
ReplyDeleteThe signs are already there that it might not be a happy marriage. This is his nature and might be worse in marriage. Decide what you can handle and make a decision. Don't force it.
ReplyDeleteMy sister fling your bata as far as your eyes can see and RUN.
ReplyDeleteRun o.
Because there is nothing more frustrating than a nagging husband/partner.
If you pick call, he will ask why you are picking that particular call.
If you dont pick a call, he will ask who you are avoiding?
If you wear this cloth, why not that cloth?
If you raise voice, why is your voice loud? If you whisper, what are you hiding?
If you close late, problem.
If you set off early, problem.
If you cook yam instead of beans problem, if you cook the beans with yam problem.
If you invite your family to the house, why are you congesting his house with your family members, if you dont invite your family members, 'you have told them bad things about him that is why they are not coming around.'
If you dont get pregnant quickly, wahala, if you get pregnant quickly, why did you not wait until things were a bit more stable...
RUN.
If you don't run now, there will come a time you will RUN mad. No be curse, no be ekpe, I just dey talk you straight up how e go be.
Because only you will be miserable, frustrated, angry, sad, unfulfilled, tense, afraid, anxious etc etc etc untop of marriage.
Dont listen to anybody who says he will change after marriage.
Marriage reveals the real person underneath.
Run.
This person gets it. Unless you are tough and ready to fight for your sanity, you will be swallowed up. The goal of men like this is to render you voiceless and powerless so that you cannot make a decision on your own. They want you to question everything before you do it, and that is the beginning of insanity. Now, decide very well o before you enter. Is this worth the fight for my sanity? Otherwise, you know what to do.
DeletePesin no 'fight for sanity' when e dey single, na when e don marry e won fight? Abeg I no wan suffer for marriage, i was not called to suffer, I no wan dey train adult man like puppy.
DeleteMy darling...... this is when you will understand that marriage is not a bed of roses,at beginning is always like this.it will be a success at the end
ReplyDeletePoster, RUN!
ReplyDeleteOn a good day, most of you will raise eyebrows if all of a sudden your partner turns off their blue tick and last seen. Una must ask questions.
ReplyDeleteI don’t care
DeleteI care more if you answe my text
I don’t need to know how long it took you to answer
That’s being bloody controlling
My boyfriend recently did that on his whatsapp and i have a serious problem with it. Because its even a long distance dating, i use dat last seen to track when hes up or asleep.
DeleteI'm so protective of my peace and my mental health.
ReplyDeleteNOTHING and NOBODY is allowed to violate that.
I would rather die single and happy that married and being angry, frustrated and depressed.