Hmmm......
DEEPLY HURT AND IN SHOCK
Dear Stella I'm so hurt, I need advise from you and bvs on what to do...
I met and fell in love with a man in another African country. He is 43 and I am 38. We are both divorced with (he a daughter and me a boy and a girl). So along the line we found out that we are from the same community in Anambra state and we can't get married cos of reasons unknown to me. My mum told me that there is nothing we can do about it, that our community don't marry each other except the person is from the next community!
But we can date each other cos we ain't related by blood just the stupid tradition that ruined me and today Val day I'm on the verge of ending this relationship cos my guy betrayed me, although he didn't see it as a betrayal cos according to him he doesn't wanna loose his mum.
My guy traveled for Xmas, he actually left our country of residence on the 31st December 2022 and came back just last week Tuesday that was February 7th. He spent a month plus in Nigeria and during those period he travelled our level of communication reduced drastically. If I complain he will assure me that all is well. When he finally came back, his attitude changed, he became some how cold towards me. Then on Sunday night I overheard some one congratulating him via WhatsApp voice message about his marriage!!
Stella I died and woke up..
I confronted him about that and he started explaining that his mother forced him to marry or she kills herself and that she was sickly and serious about taking her life, that do I want him to loose his mom? and that his mum's friend actually found the lady in question, that I'm his choice just that he can't help it, that I should remember our tradition!
Ok fine even if we cant get married, why didn't you tell me about the recent development? He said he doesn't what me to kill myself, that he wants to tell me to my face so he can hold me down, that he wants us to continue the relationship, I refused I cried bitterly cause I felt stupid! Why didn't he tell me.
Stella, this guy has the mind to leave me and go.
Someone that used to love and respect me more than anything!
I quietly went in blocked and deleted him from everywhere! Did I over react?
His wife is still in Nigeria, I am yet to get over the shock , and the heart break, it's like a fresh wound!
A relationship of one year that I gave the whole of me? Shouldn't I go nuts about this whole thing? I dumped an innocent guy just bcuz of this guy, does this mean he never loved me or his new marriage made him forget all the love we shared? Pls u guys should talk to me ooooo!! Hmmmmmm.. I'm loosing my mind ooooo. I'm dead... Is this how men really are?
*It was wrong of him not to have told you that he was going to Nigeria to get married but please he didnt do it cos of his mum, he did it cos he wanted to, nobody can force a grown man to get married if he doesnt want to....
*It was wrong of him not to have told you that he was going to Nigeria to get married but please he didnt do it cos of his mum, he did it cos he wanted to, nobody can force a grown man to get married if he doesnt want to....
You have two kids to busy with so please focus on that and dont even think about hurting yourself or breaking down, you are hurt but you will be fine....
Just look at it that it happened for the better cos the relationship was headed nowhere...
Try to get over the pain and move on......
ReplyDeleteHis mum did not threaten him, he is a LIAR.
You did not over react. He should stay block and do not ever give him audience to keep lying to you.
He said he didn’t tell you cos he doesn’t want you to kill yourself. You can just imagine that.
You were once married and have two kids. If anything, you should guard your heart with everything you have, don’t go falling in love so easily and giving these men weapon to take advantage of you.
Yes, betrayal hurts really bad but you have to move on.
He thought he was smart.
Having a wife in Nigeria and still keep you, using you cos afterall, you both are forbidden from getting married.
Please don’t die o, he is not worth it.
I’m really angry that you are thinking of killing yourself over a useless man that betrayed you this way, he nor reach.
Sluttychic.
"I'm dead"! You are not pls, you still got two children to look after, pour your love on them. Its hurts, yes! But try and move on🤗🤗🤗
ReplyDeleteMove the heck on!
ReplyDeleteHe's obviously not the one for you, ma'am.
A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage trust me.
Poster sorry for the emotional pain you are going through. Fact is, you will pull through., just keep holding on.
ReplyDeleteAn advise I can share is this:
As a divorcee it is wrong to expect heaven and earth from a relationship. I see a lot of divorcee women do this; expect the new man to be all their husband couldn’t be. They become so devastated about a failed relationship even worse than they felt when their marriage ended.
Please, no man should be saddled with the burden of making up for lost love, affection etc. These men are ordinary people with every day flaws.
Feeling so bad about this could also stem from the fact that you haven’t totally healed emotionally from your previous marriage.
Learn lessons from this and take it a day at a time.
Remember, no man was created by God to compensate you for your previous hurt.
What are you saying
DeleteWhy must you always blame the victim
This advice should be general (for everyone) not just divorcees. The man did wrong but in the end, you can't sue cos it's not a crime. It's best to put faith in God and expect less from people except they have married you
DeleteEven if you are married already! Trust no one
DeleteYou cheated and decided to leave an innocent guy for this Anambra heartbreaker man! When you were doing your wrongdoing, you saw no issue with it.
ReplyDeleteNow that you have been served the same meal, you want to drink poison! 🤐🤐
This is so mean. Did we read the same thing, where did she write that she cheated mbok? No need kicking someone who is down already.
DeleteShe didn’t say she cheated
DeleteRead to understand pls
Dear SMH, Please if you don't have anything positive to contribute kindly read and move on to the next chronicle.
DeleteYou're so mean
SMH just threw the punch. Take am easy. But she dumped someone to follow Mr Anambra. She said it 👆. Did she check how her leaving affected the other guy?
DeleteIf you guys don't know how to read between the lines, then it's unfortunate. I won't be the one to teach you, though...you'll have to learn that in your own time.
DeleteShe told you she dumped someone for this Anambra man, and you're here telling me to read more carefully. LOL. Whether it was emotional or physical, the 2 men were in the picture at the same time.
Ps. I don't coddle grown a$$ human beings under the guise of being "nice". If you don't like it, keep scrolling!
Dumped could mean, she left him and then started dating this one SMH.
DeleteThank you.
DeleteSMH take correction and move on
DeleteStop forming I’m grown that’s why I know better
Read what Eka replied
Sending you ehugs. I know how it feels but you will be fine. I pray the Lord heals you.
ReplyDeleteTry and get over it. He did bad by not ending things properly with you. However, you cant really blame him. The relationship was heading to nowhere, since you guys are from the same community.
ReplyDeleteJust block him and take it as one of those things.
No that’s not true
DeleteA real man would have gone ahead if he wanted
A real man would also have broken it off instead of trying to eat his cake and gave it
A real man would not blame it on his mother
Poster forget the greedy man who wants to eat his cake and have it
DeleteYesterday that's Valentine's day he invited me to his house to spend the Val with him, I went and along the line we decided to spend the night in my house, as he was driving, his phone rang. And he didn't pick, immediately we got to my house he asked me to give him few minutes that he will be back soon and I refused. I insisted that I will go to wherever with him. He refused and begged me to understand , we argued for about an hour before he said he whats to call his wife and I asked him to call her in my presence and he objected.
ReplyDeleteSo you wantu follow married man as what? As what ? Attachment?
DeleteDon't you have any shame or self respect?
See as you comot from inside house dey waka enter inside burning Bush, sister.
DeleteYou will make him the game player if you keep him around while you keep doing his bidding.
Can't you see how he is manipulating you?
Ask another man to show up at your residence just b4 he gets to your apartment next time. Please don't be weak with a wicked person.
Poster
DeleteYou are shameless
Thought you said you blocked this man?
What's this story
Don't disturb us again
Go and continue sleeping with him. Since you want to be a side xick
Someone that trashed you and deceived you
Rubbish
Mma Nwachukwu
Pls leave this man alone. He will finish you ooo. Give yourself some value and walk away. Don't let him toy with you. Pls.
DeleteHonestly Ehn we don’t know what else to say to you
DeleteHave some dignity
Poster, your head is shaking
DeleteBecause he used to love and respect you, you think you can control what he does… he dint do things the right way, but he is a married man now.
I thought you blocked him
So you still went back to celebrate Val’s
Ok o
Maybe you will turn yourself to abroad side chic
Push up (original)
I will give a Sincerely and factual advice,please breaking off a relationship is very hard,your emotions are involved,you have committed yourself to this man for a while and obviously used to one another,I tell you, it's never easy to break off, even your guy that stepped out on you to marry someone else won't find it so easy moving on except he never loved you at all during the relationship,your tradition won't allow you both to get married,and he went ahead to get married in secret,that's a big blow but please,put that aside and continue to date him since he still wants that to continue,I'll advice you stay with him till you find another better option then move on with your life,or you both could make it work even with him being married to another woman in Nigeria,moving on is never easy,some people will tell you to forget him and move on but it's always easier said by people who are not in your shoes,heartbreak is never easy,stay in the relationship and heal first then you can move on later,you got that option
ReplyDeleteSidechick don drop comment
DeleteAwon zero self esteem don drop quote
DeleteHonestly you’re worse than Jezebel and the man for this comment. Goshhh poster please avoid this advice like the plague except it’s sarcasm
DeletePoster PLEASE DON'T follow this advice.
DeleteMove on!!
LMBO. Anon, are you for real? Seriously??? Let me just pretend that I did not read what you wrote up there. TF? 😳😳
DeleteObi for president
Wizkid FC
Proudly TIV
Moving on is never easy but settling for TRASH is what you should never consider.
DeleteThis type of mentality is the reason a lot of people are treated badly in relationships.
I can never understand why you would subject yourself to such ridicule.
Sluttychic.
Lol..
DeleteThis is exactly what she'll still do.. and it's the process a lot of break up go through..
But they'll come and argue and insult you because many are hypocrites and don't like the truth..
Tho it doesn't make it right but it's the reality..
Just look down and see the POSTER'S comments about inviting the same man to pass the night at her place 😂😂
The same man she claimed to have blocked everywhere oh, and even asking us if really that's how men are wanting us to demonize men.. what does she think would happen if he had slept over?
She's even mad that he left her that night, because she insisted on wanting to listen to his call with his wife 😂😂
She's now still saying she don't do married men😂😂
Poster, DEY PLAY!! 😂😂
What in the bunkum plus trash is this?
DeleteDon't heed this ridiculous comment rara
🤣🤣🤣 not onto this type of heartbreak. It is a worthless heartbreak. Person do you ika you call it heartbreak?
DeleteOriginal poster, don't go and plunge yourself into further misery and mess Take care of your heart by staying away from this confused piece of advice.
Are you sure that it is not the guy that just dropped this comment?
Pls don't take this advice if you have any love for yourself. He is not the best man after slice bread. Another one will come pls.
Deletewhy do I have a feeling it's the guy that sent in this comment! What in the world of an advise is this? To continue dating him as a side chick till she finds someone else. This persons self esteem must have been damaged along time ago. MOVE ON AND NEVER LOOK BACK!! Lack of sex doesn't kill. Infact, prefer to do it with a random guy than return to the imbecilic man.
DeleteHe can lie. Everything ppl going to kill themselves that's why he had to do this and that. So he had all those feelings for you and he did not stand up and even attempt to fight the tradition? My dear a real man who was in love would even tear down the village if anything would prevent him from marrying his love. I fear you saw what you wanted to see. I don't think love was ever part of the equation for him. There was convenience in having access to a woman, and you provided that. You were in a relationship with yourself. I would bet that if you did some serious digging you would discover a whole lot more about him.
ReplyDeleteAny man that would carry out that level of deception is not someone you need in your life. Leaving one woman's bed to go marry another and then come back can only be carried out by a truly devious person. You dodged a bullet, not just through him, but also his mother and relatives. Do not waste precious tears on that entity. Thank your lucky stars that you no longer sleep with the devil.
Madam, what exactly did you want him to do? Continue wasting his time and your time? Both of you can't get married. No hope there so better to move along.
ReplyDeleteGet a grip on yourself. If you could survive a divorce, you can survive this too.
When he saw I was serious about following him to wherever he then said we should go in side my house that he won't make the call again, I told him that if he doesn't call her we won't go in after dragging for about 30 minutes this guy said he is going back to his house if I don't let him in, I told him to go to hell besides I don't do married men, and he has the guts to leave me and go last night.
ReplyDeleteLol..
DeleteJust Dey Play
Poster he is thrash, cut off for your own sanity and move up from him
DeleteDante 😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteThis poster no serious
Her self esteem still dey minus 9
Someone wey she said she don block
My dear bvs did I over react? Didn't I have the right to know he's getting married when we are still dating? If I keep dating him like he said, is this what I will be seeing? Heart break every time? I'm still hurt for crying out loud, the would is still very fresh. What do I do people.
ReplyDeleteJust stop talking to him
DeleteHe has moved on. The rest is just story
Even if you believe his mom pressured him, that still means he’s a man child and you don’t need him
You are still considering that man? The way I see it, you’ll keep sleeping with that man. He is married already and you want to keep wasting time with him? Please grow a thick skin, that man isn’t worth it.
DeleteSluttychic.
The earlier you move on from this man, the better for you; you survived a whole divorce with two kids, you will survive this one too.
DeleteYou know how igbo traditions can be; same people who ostracize a group of people, calling them osu and claiming all manner of gibberish just to defend this nonsense tradition... you should know better. Think about the consequences of marrying this man, think!
And just so you know "dem no dey trust man o!"
Move on please, you are too old to be a side chic
Is this how men really are?...
ReplyDeleteYES, IT IS HOW MEN ARE...
You chop breakfast and as usual, you want to gather your crew so you can all come together and insult all men.. let me help you..
Men are scum..
Men would stain your white..
Men are liars..
Men are deceivers..
Men are heartless..
Which one did I forget to add?
It's obvious you guys can never marry,. Your tradition or whatever forbids it,. You can only date.. he messed up by not being man enough to tell you to your face that he wants to go marry but in your heart, you know why he did so, he believes he is protecting you, thats the same reason he's using the his mom blabbla bla line too, so you don't feel too bad, tho I don't roll like that, but that's me, I'm a blunt person, I don't know how to fake,. But it's the way a lot of you do your things.. Una no dry like truth and honesty..
Is that how men are ko.. is that how women are nii..
Mtcheew
This man is definitely scum. After wasting her time and getting married without breaking up properly with her, he still wants to continue using her as per he don jam mumu. You expect her not to be upset because? Continue supporting rubbish male actions because you are a man.
DeletePoster my dear don't kill yourself over someone that is obviously not worth it. Someone who is deceptive with no ounce of integrity. He did you a huge favour by marrying another. He is fully ready to cheat on the new wife he married with his full chest, if not with you, with another. He will even lie that he is still single. You have 2 children. Take care of them and yourself. Thank God and move on. This should help you be more careful next time.
😂😂 you are very funny. But you spoke some valid facts. The relationship was indeed going nowhere.
DeletePoster, men will stain your white if you let them. There's nothing they won't say, one was telling me he was in a 5 Yr relationship with a lady and she relocated without telling him and in anger he asked his cousin to help him look for a lady ready for marriage and he married her under a month, that his wife was desperate. I told him oga but you are irrational you could marry a lady under a month and you kept posting the loyl for 5 years. So what should I do with that info? You clearly have a habit of making rash decisions and I won't be numbered among them. As Stella said, face your child, love will find you and if it doesn't, the world won't end.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your present predicament, dear poster. Take this heartbreak as something that happened for you to learn a lesson from it. I'm not sure that guy truly loved you the way he made it look. Dust yourself & forge ahead. Nothing spoil, as long as there is life. Sending you lots of♥️💜❤️
ReplyDeleteMadam please move the heck on, the Man no send you chacha
ReplyDeleteYes dear, that’s how men are. When push comes to shove, they do what will favor them regardless of whose ox is gored.
ReplyDeleteSorry, cut off from him as hard as it may be. May you find lasting love.
16:12
DeleteYou've got it.
Men think ONLY of themselves.
Their FIRST priority is always THEMSELVES.
If they must do anything, give anything, be anywhere, it must always benefit THEMSELVES.
That's how they stay ahead, not that they have commonsense.
Women will over extend themselves, sacrifice with no though kf themselves, always thinking of the shelves, you better buckle up and think like a man.
All this snivelling snot for an old man using 'my mummy said' to discharge you is beyond laughable.
Mrct time you gi into a relationship, go into it like a man does.
16:12
DeleteYou've got it.
Men think ONLY of themselves.
Their FIRST priority is always THEMSELVES.
If they must do anything, give anything, be anywhere, it must always benefit THEMSELVES.
That's how they stay ahead, not that they have commonsense.
Women will over extend themselves, sacrifice with no though kf themselves, always thinking of the shelves, you better buckle up and think like a man.
All this snivelling snot for an old man using 'my mummy said' to discharge you is beyond laughable.
Next time you go into a relationship, go into it like a man does.
Just naked and shekpe for him
ReplyDeletePoster sorry, such is life.
ReplyDeleteYou will be fine, just move on
Aunty, 'you said you are on the verge of ending the relationship ', which relationship??? Somebody that you found out was married, which relationship is there again.
ReplyDeleteAbi you wantu be his sidechic?
That is the modus operandi of Nigerian guys.
We always advise women but e be like say dem no dey ever hear.
A 43 year old man, almost 50 is claiming his 'mormee' wantu kill herself because of his choice of wife. LMAOOOO OOO.
He couldn't even find an intelligent excuse, dem still dey use that line in 2023???
Anyway, wipe your years.
Life must go on.
Next time you are going into your relationship, open your eyes WIDE, shine your eye like stadium light.
If you had checked his phone earlier, all this would have been revealed to you.
But you know some of our brethren who claim holier than God will tell you not to do so.
So ahead ahead, my dear.
Block the mofo and move on.
His mother may have done that
DeleteSome mothers resort to all sorts
Yes. Mothers have such influence. Some of the women here would also want their sons to listen to them in matters like this. Women listen to their mothers too in matters like this and more.
DeletePoster admitted the relationship was headed nowhere near marriage.
What was the man to do. Only option is for them to cohabitate.
To be honest, there is really nothing the man can do to be able to marry her if their community isn’t in agreement. It’s almost viewed as incest. Her own mother told her the same thing.
DeleteHowever the man should never have strung her along while planning to marry someone else, married someone else and still stringing her along. And she is still following him from the look of things.
Poster in your best interest, you better take a very clean break from this man. Delete everything to do with him. One year is not a lot of time, compared to the amount of time you will waste with him and still be heartbroken in the end because you can never have him to yourself. One year is still easy to cut off and find someone else. We wey waste six years still manage to cut off ka ofodukwa one year.
Sending you hugs dear 💕
ReplyDeleteHeartbreak is not for the faint hearted. I've had my own share of it so I can relate.
Please for the sake of your kids, don't beat yourself up; dust yourself and move on, one step at a time 🙏
You'll definitely be fine. Time heals all wounds.
Dear Poster, you have done the right thing. Block him, cry, mourn the relationship, wipe your tears, get yourself distracted with other activities and move on.
ReplyDeleteGive yourself time. You will remember this phase and smile. Time heals all wounds. Thank God you have two kids, so you will not be alone.
Take heart dear. Listen to happy gospel music, go online and watch all those comedy skits, watch some nice funny indian movies (3 idiots is very hilarious for starters), there is one people were talking about yesterday sef, "Bahu bali" they say it's very funny, the clips I saw ehn, I was like, what is this 😂😂
In a nutshell, what I am saying is, distract yourself. You will be fine.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, talk to your Heavenly Father, tell Him all. Ask for His mercy. Tell Him how you feel right now, tell Him to heal your wounds and tell Him what you want. HE is that mindful of us His children and He hears our every heartfelt cry.
Hugs from me to you. Cheers...
Ndi Anambra hmmm, dating them is fine but when it comes to marriage, story. Either you're not from their particular village or you're not young enough or mma anyi si (mummy said I should not marry you - 40 yr old men oh). That's why I laugh at the concept of Biafra, it will fail. Igbos are not one at all.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, relationship dishonesty is quite rampant among Nigerians. Every other day there's a story of someone getting married (or relocating) while in a relationship without their partners knowledge. This is wickedness and people should know that we shall live with the repercussions of our actions
Thirdly, please let us learn to put God first so we wouldn't lose our minds when humans fail us. Human love (romantic love) is thin and frail. Its difficult to love anyone correctly without God. This man put himself first and has moved on. Poster you have to learn to do so too. And please don't tell me your husband is the 'innocent man' you left because of him
Madam poster, hear break is painful. But take it a day at a time. U will be fine. But no matter what, make a resolve never to entertain him again. No matter what he tells u, never let that resolve shake. Avoid him until u heal a bit. So u have the strength to go on. You will be fine
ReplyDeletePlease focus on yourself and your kids. God will bring a better person your way.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm fear human in conclusion.....he knew he cant be with you cos of the tradition and quickly went to marry another.
ReplyDeleteIt's not going to be easy dear,but you have got to move on.its well.the lord will help you through the process.pls be strong.
ReplyDeletePoster you still entertained him after you knew he was married? Your comments in 15:21 & 15:26 portray you as a desperate woman willing to drag him with his wife. You didn’t die because of the man you had two kids for, it’s this one that you dated for one year you will leave your two precious kids for? No offense but “ you spent Valentine” with a married man and are sending in chronicles after denying the woman he chose a phone call on Valentine’s day? You wanted him to call his wife in your presence? Why send in a chronicle when you are already using the fact that his wife isn’t in the country to act like a side chick? It’s almost as if you still want him and are trying to justify your decision.
ReplyDeleteLeave him and firmly ask him to leave you. Don’t put what you shouldn’t put in your mouth near your nostrils. The notes you wrote in the comment section portray you as someone determined to fight for the man with the wife. I hope I’m wrong on this. Move on and let God find you your own person. Don’t be a concubine. This is why our mom’s generations put up with many things other than violence after having kids. Many women don’t get as many admirers/toasters to choose from as we get older and the tendency is to become the very person you hate, don’t. Some of the “advice” in the comments are so hypocritical considering the dragging of Judy, the two Mercy actors and so on. You can go for therapy to help you cope but don’t break his marriage. He chose the woman, he just told you his mom did as soft landing.
Everything you said! Everything!
DeleteNo he was telling her the marriage is just a sham for his mother and that the girl knows so she said call her.
DeleteNobody threatened him, he just got tired and went home to choose a new bride for himself.
ReplyDeleteBrush yourself and move on, its not easy but move on and never look back. He will still want to continue with you by the side but you will be a fool to allow him to use you over again.
Poster
ReplyDeleteMove on
Block him,cry, cut off from him
You can do better with yourself and your children
Dear Poster, you didn't overreact. No.
ReplyDeleteDon't allow him to treat you like trash no matter what you invested in the relationship. Cry and wipe your tears. It is over with this guy. He wasn't meant for you. You will heal. And there is nothing wrong with you. Your own will find you soon.
Poster, pls block him and move on with ur life. U have two children to worry about. Don’t waste any more time on a man/ relationship that will lead nowhere. U will be fine.
ReplyDeletePoster, don't go back to Egypt, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteWhether he played you or was strangling you along with others.the joke is on him. Just try and avoid him, he wants to waste your time, he has told you that he is married, so what else are you looking for.
Licious babe
Poster move on. Cry as much as you can but don't be foolish
ReplyDeletePoster is the man you’re talking about from Ifitedunu? He lives in Congo?
ReplyDeleteIf yes, reply let me give you info