Hmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TIPS NEEDED
Dear Stella,
Please I will need BVs recommendation on how to go about this.
Please bear with my long story:
So I am a 32 year old lady from Delta and my current man because I already agreed to date is 39 years and Yoruba.
He is everything I want in a man. The only issue is he is divorced with a son. Truth is I don't mind because I believe in second chances, (I, myself was previously engaged but broke it off after introduction because I was doing it out of pity and not love).
I know I can conveniently marry a single father with 1 child as long as he is good.
He told me the reason for his divorce was because his mom-in-law (same tribe with him) was controlling and asked his ex-wife to quit over a word he said. Her daughter was having a difficult labour and in the midst of confusion, he called her mom on the phone in the wee hours of the night and her mother showed up at the hospital. He was surprised she made it and said the first thing that came out of his mouth "ah, mommy you came with a bag?" (meaning she came prepared to sleep over, p.s it was a travelling bag).
Dear Stella,
Please I will need BVs recommendation on how to go about this.
Please bear with my long story:
So I am a 32 year old lady from Delta and my current man because I already agreed to date is 39 years and Yoruba.
He is everything I want in a man. The only issue is he is divorced with a son. Truth is I don't mind because I believe in second chances, (I, myself was previously engaged but broke it off after introduction because I was doing it out of pity and not love).
I know I can conveniently marry a single father with 1 child as long as he is good.
He told me the reason for his divorce was because his mom-in-law (same tribe with him) was controlling and asked his ex-wife to quit over a word he said. Her daughter was having a difficult labour and in the midst of confusion, he called her mom on the phone in the wee hours of the night and her mother showed up at the hospital. He was surprised she made it and said the first thing that came out of his mouth "ah, mommy you came with a bag?" (meaning she came prepared to sleep over, p.s it was a travelling bag).
That was the beginning of the issue, the mom held on to that word and couldn't get pass it, she then ordered her daughter to come back home for the omugwo and never to return. According to him, through the help of his pastor, his wife was called but she said it's no fault of her husband but she has to honor her mother. He made a second attempt by going with his pastor and a minister to his parents in law' house to beg but they told security to say they were not at home even while their cars were parked in the compound.
I asked him if he paid child support, he said he is willing but they never asked for it, (I didn't like the answer). So I said, do you at least pay school fees or check up on your son (5 years old). He said it's not safe to do so because if anything happened he will be the number one suspect, he didn't want trouble.
When I told my mom about him, she immediately declined that the reason isn't sufficient enough for a dissolution. So I let it go, that was 1 year ago.
(P.S my mom's mother some 34 yrs ago, also left our house for my Sis omugwo after 3 months because my Dad changed face, whatever that means, she didn't come for the remaining of us though she remained in good terms with my Dad whenever we went to the villa). N:B: omugwo isn't really our practice in my culture.
So I moved on to date someone from my tribe (38 years) for marriage but he wasn't serious all he was interested in was having s#x (to think he was claiming to be a more serious Christian because he attends a particular Church, SMH) I locked up for 4 months when it was clear to me, he won't make moves. His excuse was financial reasons and that business is rough.
All the while the other guy, (let's call him M) was my friend just on chats. So after much deliberation, I prayed and I had a dream about him giving me the key to his apartment, I went when he wasn't at home. I opened the living room but couldn't find the other areas. There was a little boy that wanted to use the restroom until his sister badged in and opened the door leading to the other areas and microwaved food from the kitchen. Long story short, I called him on the phone and he said it was okay. I couldn't make anything out of the dream.
Well, I decided to give him a chance.
This time around, no s#x till marriage, pre-marital counselling, medical tests etc are a must. We want to do it the right way. Told him I won't date for long and will like to be married before his 40th Bday (6 months time). All of which he agreed to.
But a part of me wants to investigate him thoroughly, I asked a mutual friend on FB what she knows but she didn't know much about his previous marriage, she assured me he was a great guy, but I should put it in prayers. She also gave me his ex-wife name and I found her on FB.
The thing is I didn't want to offend M, going behind his back to ask his ex-wife, her side of the story. I am actually putting myself in his shoes now, it won't make sense if he doubted my story and went asking my ex-fiance about me. I stylishly asked him what his ex-wife thinks of him, he knows I do research on my interests, he said asking her about him is a let down to him and I should trust him.
My perception on the whole thing is he was immature then to handle the situation.
Well, we both decided to let the past be bygones and not to tell people unnecessary info but we wouldn't be lying to our pastors. The thing now is we want to start pre marital counselling in my church next weekend, cos we will wed in mine, I will also see his pastors for their sessions.
My church is a small church, so we have full attention from my pastor and the marriage ministers to talk things through, I don't want to take him to my parents yet, (since I did that with my ex) (same with him) till we are sure we can do this hence the counselling.
The Marriage ended just like that? Just like that? She didnt love him enough to fight for him? Hmmm '' Ah you come with bag'' was all it took to end it? Na wah. I honestly dont know what to say but all i can tell you is follow your heart....
I asked him if he paid child support, he said he is willing but they never asked for it, (I didn't like the answer). So I said, do you at least pay school fees or check up on your son (5 years old). He said it's not safe to do so because if anything happened he will be the number one suspect, he didn't want trouble.
When I told my mom about him, she immediately declined that the reason isn't sufficient enough for a dissolution. So I let it go, that was 1 year ago.
(P.S my mom's mother some 34 yrs ago, also left our house for my Sis omugwo after 3 months because my Dad changed face, whatever that means, she didn't come for the remaining of us though she remained in good terms with my Dad whenever we went to the villa). N:B: omugwo isn't really our practice in my culture.
So I moved on to date someone from my tribe (38 years) for marriage but he wasn't serious all he was interested in was having s#x (to think he was claiming to be a more serious Christian because he attends a particular Church, SMH) I locked up for 4 months when it was clear to me, he won't make moves. His excuse was financial reasons and that business is rough.
All the while the other guy, (let's call him M) was my friend just on chats. So after much deliberation, I prayed and I had a dream about him giving me the key to his apartment, I went when he wasn't at home. I opened the living room but couldn't find the other areas. There was a little boy that wanted to use the restroom until his sister badged in and opened the door leading to the other areas and microwaved food from the kitchen. Long story short, I called him on the phone and he said it was okay. I couldn't make anything out of the dream.
Well, I decided to give him a chance.
This time around, no s#x till marriage, pre-marital counselling, medical tests etc are a must. We want to do it the right way. Told him I won't date for long and will like to be married before his 40th Bday (6 months time). All of which he agreed to.
But a part of me wants to investigate him thoroughly, I asked a mutual friend on FB what she knows but she didn't know much about his previous marriage, she assured me he was a great guy, but I should put it in prayers. She also gave me his ex-wife name and I found her on FB.
The thing is I didn't want to offend M, going behind his back to ask his ex-wife, her side of the story. I am actually putting myself in his shoes now, it won't make sense if he doubted my story and went asking my ex-fiance about me. I stylishly asked him what his ex-wife thinks of him, he knows I do research on my interests, he said asking her about him is a let down to him and I should trust him.
My perception on the whole thing is he was immature then to handle the situation.
Well, we both decided to let the past be bygones and not to tell people unnecessary info but we wouldn't be lying to our pastors. The thing now is we want to start pre marital counselling in my church next weekend, cos we will wed in mine, I will also see his pastors for their sessions.
My church is a small church, so we have full attention from my pastor and the marriage ministers to talk things through, I don't want to take him to my parents yet, (since I did that with my ex) (same with him) till we are sure we can do this hence the counselling.
The Marriage ended just like that? Just like that? She didnt love him enough to fight for him? Hmmm '' Ah you come with bag'' was all it took to end it? Na wah. I honestly dont know what to say but all i can tell you is follow your heart....
Why not let him meet your folks before you start the counselling? let him meet them and watch how he behaves around them and also let them 'check him out'
Have someone call the ex to ask about him. I have at least one friend that would do that for me
ReplyDeleteCheck your friend and family group, your cool aunties etc
A close relative of mine married a divorced guy. We didn’t ask the ex or anyone from her family or circle about him. I think we would have learned a lot but that’s in the past ......we move
It is only in Africa that divorce/es are treated like plagues and diseases, but you lot go on your knees everyday to pray for forgiveness and expect God to forgive you to the point of convincing yourself that God has forgiven you. People change, especially those who married young. My ex husband and i married young and by 27, i had all my kids, but marriage didn't work , he treated me like shit, he cheated, never allow me go anywhere, stopped me from continuing my education, alienated me from friends and family, controlled my existence but i managed to escape to America with my kids. Guess what? After 10 years, he has remarry, we talk, he treats his wife like a queen, he bought a car for her, opened business, pay for her masters, allow her travel and have friends, all the things he didn't do for me, he does for her. Do i still feel cheated, yes but is the new wife treated good and better yes. He has learnt, grow and doing better. I have moved on and we both coparenting. I will not call him devil, he was just not good for me and i for him. Stop judging people based on their past especially if a man or woman wasn't violent, the rest can be learned and unlearned. NOBODY is perfect, NOBODY, we all have exes for a reason, sometimes, things don't just work out but will work with another person, that is why marriage is not just about love but compatibility and maturity, two people agree to make it work. If he is good to you, you fell it in your heart, he is in his second marriage, be open, he will be more cautious in this marriage because he will be scare to make a second mistake, just work together and if you feel at peace, go ahead.
DeleteInteresting much!
DeleteThe reason they broke up is lame and outrightly petty
16:03 that’s too long. No one is treating him as a plague or whatever. She left cause of a sentence is worth looking into. Checking the real reason for a divorce is what everyone should look into. The end.
Delete16.03 don’t judge all divorcees by your ex turnaround it’s wrong. My ex is on his fourth marriage still treats her like crap so pls...
DeleteAnonymous 16:03 you are getting it wrong cos you are sounding like divorced people are not humans or do not deserve love again. All we are saying is she should do her findings to be sure the man is not telling her lies.
DeleteWe all have exs but one is careful so that you will not fall into trap and end things. Making findings has nothing to do with the way one treat divorced people. Remember even single people you need to make findings before you say yes to them too.
Poster, please do all your investigations now to avoid "had I know" Don't go and marry a deadbeat father.
ReplyDeleteAdd chronic cheat wife beater
DeleteI asked him if he paid child support, he said he is willing but they never asked for it, (I didn't like the answer).
DeleteSo he is waiting for someone to come and tell him to take care of his child before he knows it is his responsibility???
Awon churchill brethren.
So feeding, school fees, clothing, healthcare etc for this child has been the SOLE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE EX WIFE and the only excuse this clown has is that 'no one has asked him???'
And you don't see this kind of mentality as a major red flag??? You had better do ALL your due diligence BEFORE you start marriage counselling/ introduce him anywhere.
I don't know where you are from, but where I'm from the kind of back ground research families like mine do on each other ehn before releasing their children especially daughters, even Sherlock Holmes go now.
You wantu marry, your man has told you yadi yada yagu. What if the woman has a totally different story? What will you say? What if there is history of mental illness in his family? Do you know? Do you know if he has any other child outside? So many women are in bondage in their marriages, awon please hid my ID, because they didnt do due diligence and to background checks before marriage.
No matter how to answer MRS hungry you, don't sacrifice your future.
I think you should ask. It's better safe than sorry oh. Ask! Please listen to your instincts. Women's instincts don't lie. If you're panicking, then dig deep .
ReplyDeletePoster please you have some work to do before you finally say yes to this man. The reason his ex wife left him is not okay to me at all. Is possible there is more story but Oga is hiding it so that he will not lose you.
ReplyDeleteDo your investigation, if you need to find out some information from his ex wife to be on a safer side please do it. Marriage is a long journey that cannot end, remember once you have entered every other thing is regrets. You may not see the wife face to face but make some enquiry from her.
You can also tell him that you want to see his ex wife to have some conversation with her to see what will be his reaction. Goodluck but please do not be in a hurry to say yes to a divorced man. Make sure his divorced papers are signed, real by confirming them from the court.
His reaction was asking ex-wife about him will belittle him and elevate her.
DeleteIt will not oh cos once she make any mistake no one will consider belittle but rather blames her for not doing any findings.
DeleteAm I making a mistake by not asking his ex-wife?
ReplyDeleteNot sure. But please reach out and ask her.
DeleteBig mistake
DeleteDon't rush things, just take it easy and watch things unfold.
DeleteIf you can cope with what she tells you then go ahead and marry him but she’ll tell you what he didn’t
DeleteI think so dear,try and reach to her,to hear,her side of the story,the couple may still be in love,since the divorce is no fault of theirs but grandma's ego.
DeleteBig mistake. Marriage is serious business. Even if you don’t want to call her yourself, let a close friend or relative do that.
DeleteMost Nigerian women value marriage a lot especially when children are involved for her to just throw away hers over such silly excuse.
In Igbo land it’s called “Ijuese” the families of the intended couple even travel as far as villages to ask questions about the families and the groom/bride. So there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you contacting her to hear her own side of the story.
Good luck dear. Keep praying God will guide your footsteps.
You appear to be a person who wants to be very sure before you take a step, especially this marriage step.
DeleteSome divorced men continue in the behaviour that broke their first marriage. Some learn their lessons and change for better. So any bad you hear from his ex wife may be and may not be of help depending on who the man is today.
Who is the man today. Have you tested him on the issues of life important to you. Please leave money aside for now though it is important.
Since you like to be sure and really want to hear from his ex wife, seek his permission again to ask or go ahead to ask without his permission. In either case, you have to do it through mature married third party. However, be ready that the marriage may go on or may not go on if you ask his ex without his permission. In addition, how sure are you that his ex will tell you the truth. She is only likely to tell you that the man is good if she and her son are being well cared for in a better marriage.
Your dream. Two things here. It reflects your inner conviction or belief that you don't know the man you want to marry. For those who believe in dreams literally, it also means he has not opened the rooms of his heart, being, life to you; that the son is in the home. Question is: who is the sister in the dream. Is she your child or another child you have not been told about.
Pray for God to show you more concerning this marriage journey
I suggest you reach out to his ex wife , I believe they are more to this that meets the eyes please do it before the marriage, why is he stoping you from making such moves
ReplyDeleteI hope he is telling u the absolute truth though.
ReplyDeleteHe’s not
DeleteNot the whole truth.
DeletePoster I can understand your need to be careful. However in all you have said, I never read where you mentioned about having feelings for this man. He was more like an option you kept just in case your previous relationship fell apart. I don't think the man is the one you should worry about. I believe he is too calm and gentle for you.
ReplyDeleteSincerely, and while it is nice to be cautious, it appears to me that you give too much validation to the thoughts and opinions of others. That is very immature. You are 32 and one will expect that you should have developed a level of maturity in how you curate the opinions of others. If you think the man is great, damn the consequences and plan your future with him. Being equivocative is not the best. You also had no right to have tried contacting the ex-wife. That is a major no-no. You want to cause problem where there is non.
And this one you are saying no sex before marraige and you already have a sexual active past, if it turns out oga na one minute man na you buy market for yourself.
Thanks DogA, I have sufficient feelings for him. You're right he is very cool.
DeleteOn the sex, I will rather wait it out, don't want to make same mistake again.
Poster do not contact his ex wife. What if she was the bad person will she admit it? What if she’s still bitter do you expect her to say anything good about him. She must be a saint to want her ex husband to get married before her, think about it.
DeleteIf your spirit tells you he’s good, go ahead and marry him.
Fan Emmanuel
The woman never even land and rest he don open mouth waaa say you came with bag.Will she stay for one day and leave.
ReplyDeleteYour guy may have mouth diarrhea and might have been a verbal abuser of his wife and inlaws.
He also hasn't tried enough to be in his son's life.
Look before you leap.
Hahahaha
DeleteThank you! What he said was very wrong. Those words were heavy and had subtle meanings. How could he say she came with the bag? Very rude and mannerless
DeleteHer daughter was in the hospital and as a mother was he expecting her to come empty-handed? he seems petty like a troublemaker, someone who can't even overlook little things. He even seems like someone who would not like having the wife's family over.
He seems like a controlling person and someone who is extremely stubborn because I don't even know how he is not making any effort to get close to his child. The reason he gave for not being in his son's life does not even make sense.
Poster you need to pray more, fast not just pray. Go on a fast and tell God to reveal things about him to you. Let God tell you what you need to know.
TThere are two sides to a coin. When i read the post, it looks to me as though the man didn't think his wife will be in the hospital for long and was wondering why the Mama will come with a bag. Its a misunderstanding that should have been resolved. Mama would have asked why are you asking me this questions and he would have replied and told her why. I have realized most times we get angry over nothing. Over things that would easily have been resolved had we looked at it with face value.
DeleteBut we are different and so process information differently.
He has tried to reach out but Mama is angry and feels insulted. Why??
There may be underlying issues that were not resolved before the marriage.
Otherwise why would the babe listen to her mother just like that?
Patterns in both families should be looked at.
Remember tjey are not from the same place so culture practices had a hand in this. here are two sides to a coin. When i read the post, it looks to me as though the man didn't think his wife will be in the hospital for long and was wondering why the Mama will come with a bag. Its a misunderstanding that should have been resolved. Mama would have asked why are you asking me this questions and he would have replied and told her why. I have realized most times we get angry over nothing. Over things that would easily have been resolved had we looked at it with face value.
But we are different and so process information differently.
He has tried to reach out but Mama is angry and feels insulted. Why??
There may be underlying issues that were not resolved before the marriage.
Otherwise why would the babe listen to her mother just like that?
Patterns in both families should be looked at.
Remember tjey are not from the same place so culture practices had a hand in this.
My problem is the reason he's a deadbeat father. You can imagine such flimsy excuse.
ReplyDeleteSo you can't make efforts first to be in your child's life.
Wo! Poster, I don't care the reason he's divorced but you see not being in his son's life speaks volume of the kind of father he'd be to your own children. Keep your eyes open and be at alert.
This one that can turn his back on a male child that naija men cherish speaks volumes. Poster dig like julius Berger
DeleteSome ex wives and their families have been known to ensure the ex husbands don't go near the children of the broken marriage in all ways
DeleteExactly, l won't be comfortable with any man who doesn't care about his child/children.
DeleteLicious babe
Hmmm
ReplyDeletePoster tell your parents about him and they can send one of their kinsmen to go to his village to find out about his family, (they will surely get info about what happened to his first marriage).
This is a normal practice in my family, I'm from Delta state too.
Poster You too can send someone anonymously to ask the ex-wife about why she left her husband? Like trying to connect to someone who knows her and ask what caused the breakup?
Someone can actually help you investigate without both the ex-wife and ex-husband knowing who and what the questioning is about.
Anyway, I don't like judging people cos I believe some persons do turn new leaves and I strongly believe in giving people 2nd chances.
If his character is really good, atleast you should know of any red flags by now, then you can go on and marry him.
Good guys who have the means to be married are not many out there, so if you can risk it, if you are at peace then carry on.
Hmmm
ReplyDeletePoster tell your parents about him and they can send one of their kinsmen to go to his village to find out about his family, (they will surely get info about what happened to his first marriage).
This is a normal practice in my family, I'm from Delta state too.
Poster You too can send someone anonymously to ask the ex-wife about why she left her husband? Like trying to connect to someone who knows her and ask what caused the breakup?
Someone can actually help you investigate without both the ex-wife and ex-husband knowing who and what the questioning is about.
Anyway, I don't like judging people cos I believe some persons do turn new leaves and I strongly believe in giving people 2nd chances.
If his character is really good, atleast you should know of any red flags by now, then you can go on and marry him.
Good guys who have the means to be married are not many out there, so if you can risk it, if you are at peace then carry on.
I dont like divorced or baby daddy's dramas,its unending and very exhausting. Xp will say,say no to nwuyedi.
ReplyDeleteListen to your mother ooo. Looks like you are in a rush. Better follow through gradually while praying about it.i don't think you should marry this man o. Too many red flags. Your dream is telling you that there is more to this o.He is hiding something o.
ReplyDeletePoster be sure that he is properly divorced.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's wise to meet with his ex-wife because since she is honoring her mother and can't be with him, she might not also want you to be with him by painting him black.
I suggest try to look for the pastors he used then while try to plead with her and her mom, they can also be of help.
Or if u can talk to any of his friends or anyone connected to his ex-wife you might get the answers you need.
It's not going to be easy but it's worth every effort.
All the best.
So you believe what the man said about his ex wife without hearing from her? Women and fish brain. Poster if we check well now the man you left for this one truly loves you but you left him, you women will make bad choices with your fish brain and come back to shout men are scum
Delete16.39 you’re the one with fish brain if you think that poster should automatically believe what the ex wife says.
DeleteYou deserve to know much more
ReplyDeleteGo on ahead and ask whatever questions you deem fit from his ex-wife
A little reason like that is capable of breaking up a marriage if the Mother inlaw never liked him.
ReplyDeletePoster, pls ask his friends. There must be one that will tell you the truth.
And it is also possible for it to be true that he is afraid of getting close to the wife's family. Only God knows the kind of relationship they had. Anything is possible.
Poster, pray and ask God to expose him to you.
That guy is a very stingy man; you go suffer o.
ReplyDeleteHis wife was having complications and he was busy thinking of what it will cost him to house his MIL.
A man that is generous and not Petty will do everything possible to be in the life of His only son.
I suspect he must have been emotionally abusive to his wife and constantly rude to his MIL.
Also, be sure to sight the signed Divorce paper... I know you will consider your age and marry him, no matter the red flag you see.
I am a man.
No too blame am oga, na apc government cause am
DeleteI have not even read your comment and I said up there that he is very rude and mannerless. How could you speak to an elderly person like that? how much more, someone who is your wife's mother? I am not the poster dating him but I don't even like him already. He was displeased his mother-in-law came to spend time with them at a very crucial time like that. If he can talk like that to her only God knows the manner of approach he uses on his poor wife. He is probably verbally abusive. His mouth does not have control
DeleteIt is possible at least from your story that your husband-to-be did not welcome his in-laws coming to his home.
ReplyDeleteAre you willingly to live with that?
I would suggest you get a trusted older relative to investigate him and his ex-wife.
Your seventh sense might just be telling you something, you are refusing to see.
My crime then was almost the same. Told mother-in-law I can't dabble into occultism because of late delivery of her daughter. The beginning of the end rolled in
ReplyDeletePoster
ReplyDeleteI am not sure he has only one son. He has other kids. Find out if he is still currently married.
Men like this, you will know his true colours once you give birth. Please don't do it, not yet. Date him. Time reveals all things.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Why is the man not taking care of his child?
ReplyDeleteAre you sure the man is a divorcee?
What evidence do you have to backup this claim. you don't need to call the wife, just do your own findings step by step, you might also use ur sister as a third party.
Pls think about it, don't rush things.
Licious babe
Your heart has a doubt and that is why you want to dig a little deeper. Anytime we go digging we will for sure find something unsavoury. You can go in blind and start with him where you met him and forget the past. You can investigate if you feel it will bring you peace, it's all up to you.
ReplyDeleteI honestly do not like that he is not involved in his only child's life in any capacity. Well, one thing you know for sure about him is that he doesn't have a fighting spirit, even for his loved ones. Can you handle a man who will easily give up when obstacles come in the way? If you have enough courage for both of you then great. But if you are naturally not a very courageous person then you have some things to think about. If all his good qualities outweigh his cowardly nature there is your answer..
Please be prayerful and use wisdom to guide you.
I don't know about you but over my dead body will I marry a man that abandoned his child. Yes, he abandoned his child, his reason is too flimsy.
ReplyDeleteIt’s well
DeleteI can ASSURE you, you are not seeing this guy's real colour.
ReplyDeleteI can assure you that you will not like this guy's real colour.
Go and do your investigations.
Make sure you have your shock absorber.
Poster, I’m a woman and I don’t think you should ever approach the ex to ask her anything. It will show her that you distrust the man and if you don’t ver end up with him, she no go rate your union. Also, there is no guarantee she will tell the truth. Most people will want to paint themselves in the best light and paint their ex-partners evil.
ReplyDeleteAll the women saying you should go and ask the ex-wife, where do they do that at? Things like this are approached with wisdom and tact. Imagine how embarrassing it would be if all our intended husbands went to ask our ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends about us? How does that make you look? How feeble does it make your relationship look?
What I think you should look out for is:
1. Why is he not in his sons life at all both physically and financially? Did they not marry properly or she just got pregnant out of wedlock. No proper marriage gets dissolved just like that and then the other parent just forgets about the child. His excuse for not even paying school fees is very suspect.
2. What is his character like? How does he treat other people around him? You don’t know him enough about him if you’re thinking of going directly to his ex to ask about him. You might want to calm down with the marriage talk till you know him better
3. Una no dey do iju-ese for your tribe? All these background things that you need to know about his previous marriage, your family should find someone who will do this for you. Go to his previous neighborhood and ask about their marriage. Go to his former church and ask about them. There must be someone in his life that can give you an indication of what their marriage was like, use style to ask his friends’ wives, they will have part of the story if not the whole story.
Poster e go shock you. Call his ex wife. Call her now. You go hear wetin go shock you.
ReplyDeleteEx wife may not dau thr truth mbok. She jas nothing to loose or gain. There is no guarantee that she will speak the truth. Get a neutral person. Get his friends. Get a relative of his. From. What you gather you will be able to piece together what you want to know.
DeleteThe fact that he isn't involved in his child's life should be a major red flag for you. Your man is irresponsible. No father, I repeat no father gives up his responsibilities just because him and his child's mother aren't in good terms.
ReplyDeleteI would have advised you to call his ex but him not being in his son's life and not having his people encourage him to do so only shows the type of person and the kind of family he comes from.
Also, paying school fees isn't the only responsibility of the father. Feeding, clothing and sheltering are topmost before school fees.
This should show you how you will be treated and left alone to cater for the child/children you will have if anything goes wrong.
Be wise