I grew up seeing women and kids cutting their hair low, some would clear everything and the scalp will be shinning like bottle, when the man of the house dies. I used to wonder why, in my young mind but later learnt that it was tradition, a mark of respect to the dead.
I lost an uncle last year. He lived in the USA with his wife and kids but came home and fell sick and died. He was home to supervise one of his building projects.
When his wife flew into the country, the family women attempted to cut her hair but she refused blatantly. She is a Ghanaian that lived all her life in USA.. She told them that such custom was outdated in Africa as she had attended some funerals in Africa in the past years and did not witness such.
The village elders intervened and told them to leave her hair alone, they told her to leave her natural hair unmade, just comb and leave it like that and tie a scarf. She accepted that option.
Her kids on the other hand, (two girls 13 and 18) had their hair made into fine styles before coming down to Nigeria for the burial. The elders were just looking at them. They did not bother them, though they tied their head with scarfs on the day of burial.
After the burial, they wanted the woman to stay and mourn her husband in Nigeria for like three months, she refused. She told them that she had a job and her kids school to go back to.
She damned them and flew back.
I have started using style to tell my people that if I go before my wife, they should not make her go through all that cutting of hair or other barbaric mourning practices.
* Dont use style to tell them, tell them outrightly!
Customs differ. Different strokes for different people. Most places Christianity has taken over. My place, no need cutting the hair or wearing black clothes or staying home to mourn your husband. Times are changing, so people are beginning to adjust with change of time
ReplyDeleteMost traditional laws were made when women were like cows fully dependent on husbands.
DeleteThe Yankee Ghanaian lady truly had a job and her kids education that her husband people CANT support. She simply told the truth no need for writer to add 'damn'
She should be happy that she didn't meet young kids that resemble her hubby, at the burial proceeding.
DeleteHer hubby was a saint compared to his comrades
Some "custom" and "traditions" are only imposed on the poor.
DeleteTo 14.21 its like you are foreign to naija matters?
DeleteLet me burst your bubble; Maybe the late husband's people can support the survivors of the deceased..!
For example: Remember that the Ojukwu that we know, had a father who they say was extremely
wealthy so Tey ojukwu's fame riches was a playground compared to that of his dad.
Some families can afford the living and education tuition expenses of their late' child spouse and children o.
Abeg no dey underrate naija like that.
Thank you Amicable. I have seen this play out several times
DeleteFrom this narrative,the woman is rich and not some poor widow at the mercy of her inlaws...Money stops alot of nonsense.
ReplyDeleteSo Apt...
DeleteShe is rich and they couldn't enforce their tradition on her
Exactly, rich ladies escape some of these stuffs, while the ones poorer than the inlaws will be made to go through all.
DeleteWhen my dad died, they came with same sayings for my mum. But we the kids,we're all grown. We stood our ground and refused. A wk after burial we left the village. The villages could not say anything, cos my late father never liked such while alive.
DeleteWhat customs do the husbands go through when the wife dies?
ReplyDeleteYou just echoed my thoughts
DeleteHelp me ask o.
DeleteHypocritical woman hating culture
DeleteMy place, you go dress well o. Tie better gum George or krukrubite
ReplyDeleteBb u be kalabari?
DeleteThanks Stella. At OP, please don't use style to tell them. Say it oh ah to let your wife mourn you without degrading her in any form. Hair cutting is not the only way widows are humiliated.
ReplyDeleteThanks
The way some widows are been maltreated is too bad. #widowslifematterstoo#
ReplyDeleteNonsense custom and tradition
If you are catholic, anglican or all these protestant churches, you are on your own. But if you are JW, Deeper Life; strong pentecostal.... nobody go near you for those archaic rituals
ReplyDeleteIf you are rich, no matter your church, they won't impose it on you. Money stops nonsense
DeleteIf there are no wicked people in the family. But if there are spiritually wicked people, you need more than money.
DeleteIt's tradition , but not compulsory.
ReplyDeleteWhen my father died in 2020 its only my mom that cut her hair. She mourned him for 6months, the first 2months she didn't go to market and visitations, only church. And she wore mostly white cloths, she mixed them with some black designed outfits too.
My mom hated the white outfits so much, like she said it announces you everywhere you go.
Bcos of that my mom avoided going out as much as she could, thankfully she retired from her goventment job that same year.
The rest of us didn't cut our hairs.
On the burial and outing service we tied gele.
I guess if my mom didn't cut her hair a lot of people would have wagged their tongues so much.
Normally my mom is the type that cuts her hair anytime she likes, she can wake up today and go to salon to cut her hair and the next month she starts making it, so it wasn't a big deal to her.
I believe mourning is from the heart, not an outward display.
So these village/family people should let people be.
Thank you Stellicoco @ your red pen
ReplyDeleteDifferent tribes with their own tradition. When my dad died, my mum did not cut hair. We the children even made our hair self during burial.
ReplyDeleteWomen are always at the receiving end of such barbaric culture. A family friend loss her dad last year and her mum was forced to remain in the house for six months.
ReplyDeleteThe widow probably did not have a thriving job or business to go back to. Why would they make a woman remain indoors for six months?
DeleteIf she was based here and poor they will force her to do their bidding. When my husband died I didn't have a choice I did everything I was ORDERED to do.
ReplyDeleteDon't tell them stylishly TELL THEM STRAIGHT not to dehumanize you're wife.
Say it straight to them in your wife's and children presence o
DeleteSome torture most women go through
ReplyDeletewhen mourning eh, wicked traditions dey sha. Stella you may use this as a topic one day for poeple to share their experience.
Stella I support this. Use it as a topic on In house gist.
DeleteWho is still abiding by this hair cutting traditions
ReplyDeleteThings have evolved. My place, mourning period has been reduced to 3months.
ReplyDeleteYou can choose to leave the village after a week or two depending on your living condition.
Cutting of hair is for both gender. Wearing of white is for both genders.
The children are not mandated to cut hair.
In my place mourning is for 6 months
ReplyDeleteI won't die first.my wives can go.thier wahala won kill me.i am à dding the fifth one this Dec.
ReplyDeleteYou are my hero
DeleteOji amu eme ogo. Well done sir
DeleteTell them point blank that you will haunt anyone that subjects your wife and kids to any stress when you are gone.
ReplyDelete