What should a couple discuss before they decide to Marry? food? money? House? O am asking this question because it has become evident that love alone cannot make a Marriage work, there other ingredients needed to make it work..
I just heard a couple divorced because of food fight. I don't have the details but should food make a couple divorce? what should couples discuss aside from genotype and others....
Lets gist!
Hmmmm a lot of people get married for different reasons thou but when your spouse can't meet up to your expectations the marriage turn sour.... And before you know it you're already filing for a divorce.
ReplyDeleteLike me now I married my husband because he is a good man and he was ready to get married to me.
He takes good care of me but my challenge now is he can't satisfy me sexually+ I'm always the one making advances to him, he doesn't touch me except I make attempt first.
Actually he isn't a romantic kind of a person but I'm taking my time to teach him gradually, I'm only pained because I don't enjoy sex with him. I got married as a virgin and we've been married for like a year now, I don't experience orgasm at all and it's worrisome.
I was able to open up to him Sha so he promised to improve.
At times love isn't enough but mehn it's now I realized you also need love in marriage.
I really do have a lot to say but story for another day, may God give me the grace to couple because it isn't really easy at all😔😔😔
* may God give me the grace to tolerate him
Delete*cope
Delete*cope
DeleteSorry madam
DeleteThe thing with expectations is that you may get disappointed, no one is perfect.
I pray you and hubby find a solution to this
There is no one cap fit all advice or discussion, reason why marriage is different questions and different answers to different couples.
DeleteBelieve it or not it takes a while for a woman to get to a place with a man that she orgasms easily. Even a year is early, as you are still learning each other and building sexual trust with each other. I think there is a latent fear in many women that if they were to truly let go and show the man who they are sexually he may judge them or talk about it with their friends, so we tend to hold back, and in your case, with a spouse who is not initiating, it may even make you more cautious to let go. Don’t count him out, you having been a virgin may also make him nervous. Talk to him and let him know you saved yourself so that you could go wild without any fear. Remind him that you are not a plate that will break and you won’t be young forever, so feel free to blow your back out or break a leg off the bed😁
DeleteLet me just quickly drop this alongside what others will drop.
ReplyDeleteHow decisions are to be made should also be discussed. Are u going to be my Lord and personal saviour or will we be taking and arriving at decisions as partners in this union.
One of the easiest ways to kill emotions in ur partner is by making him/her feel they are inferior and their opinions should be secondary or inferior to urs. Try joint decision making alongside other good attributes of marriage and see how smooth sailing ur marriage will turn out.
True
DeleteSpeak for your sef🙄..
DeleteSome people love to be dominated..
You'll not Goan feed baby now, it's amebo you'll be doing
The manner of communication. Some will be expecting a servant and master kind of communication when they marry you. Scale of priority. Ask him/her if he/she will put you and the kids first before relatives. My eyes dey see shege as I dey here so. I'm tired of this marriage. I don't even know how to go about it. My husband doesn't even regard me. He does what ever he likes without even informing me. He is the only one making decision in the home. It's just recently I started making decisions of food to cook. Even that one sef, he might come back and say he doesn't like the food or he wasn't expecting it or Sha one nonsense excuse. He puts his family before me and my baby. I understand that we all had a family before we got marriage but your new family shoudk be your priority first. I don't like how I do t have privacy in my home. I'm tired of may things. This was not the kind of marriage he offered me. It's like a version of what was expected and what was delivered.
ReplyDeleteExpectations..........
Deletesigh!!
What a fine coincidence am in a wedding and is advising the couple's on how to tolerate each other
ReplyDeleteGenotype and physical and spritual attraction.
ReplyDeleteEverything should be discussed and planned accordingly. The man most importantly has to be transparent with his wife-to-be especially on finance.
ReplyDeleteExample: If my husband earns 1 million monthly, it will help us plan and save accordingly to meet our goals. why will I be dreaming to live in Ikoyi or lekki to pepper myself knowing very well our monthly inflow.
Men if you have a Good woman, be honest about your finances and she will help you build a better financial wealth, cut unnecessary expenses, most importantly No nonsense pressure/stress coming your way except the woman is insatiable and lacks wisdom.
Please discuss everything and anything pertaining to your future!!!
For a change, how about a couple being honest about their finances and planning on it together. It is the "men finances, men finances" that make some or most men hide their financial capacity when it is bigger than what their wives ever knew or thought.
DeleteTrust you Know there are women who earn several times higher than their husbands who don't know that and still shoulder the bulk of family expenses?
Delete16:58
DeleteNo woman was created to shoulder the responsibilities of man
50/50 men are thrash
Do you eat "fresh" food everyday?
ReplyDeleteIt's funny I never really thought of that question until few days ago when that lady brought it up and omo I saw things on twitter. People saying they cook everyday because their partners want freshly cook mes everyday and hate meals put in fridge...So yes, great question to ask
I need Help! I am always fighting with my husband over the slightest issue. Pls how can I learn to ignore things. Plus I realized he was having money issues and he went to ask my brother not me, I felt so bad because I have never asked anyone for money. And I wish he asked me, I could have helped. Should I be giving him a portion of my salary since I earn more. Pls how can I be more submissive also.
ReplyDeleteI don't see this as a submission problem, you both are not friends enough for him to see you as his help meet.
DeleteBe friends with your partner, life is tough on its own to have a warrior at home.
Apologize for how you've treated him and mend your ways
The first advice i always give is prayer, u can ask God for anything, pray for the spirit of submission and wisdom of God.
DeleteIf u want to be giving him part of ur salary u can go ahead and do that
Try to be more understanding when u are angry with him, always take a deep breath and exhale, don't shout back at him, rather when the heat is off, go and meet him later and have a heart to heart talk with him, pls avoid or stop every discussion of i contribute this and that to my home among ur colleagues and friends, some might say something that will trigger u into carrying a hateful and bitter spirit home and if mistakenly ur hubby effs up a bit u will start sparking like faulty electric pole. Always engage in topics that promotes how good caring and hardworking ur husband is, their is this love and sparkling kind of fresh interest u will come home with.
*paprika *
Both of u should open a joint account and decide what fraction of ur salary should go into it
DeleteYes help him but be wise and don’t start what you can’t finish
DeleteGiving him a portion of your salary won't solve your underlining issues. For your husband to be comfortable to approach your brother without hinting or discussing with you clearly shows communication gap.
DeleteYou admitting to always fighting your husband over slightest thing shows Disrespect, disregards, lack of communication and deep anger issues.
First be honest to yourself why you are treating him this way and be sure you really want to turn a new leaf, Pray and ask God to help you then;
- Find out your triggers that lead to out burst (Most times it could be finance since you have the upper hand at the moment) then be intentional to subdue this trait/character flaw. Choose humility.
- Have a one on one talk with your husband; Now make up your mind to Do the listening, no matter how itchy you might want to defend yourself Do not interrupt him. Be determined to understand from his point of view and be empathic and understanding. Drop every atom of pride.
- To make sure the communication is flowing (you can say Babe if i understand what you are saying, you mean i raised my voice higher than necessary because you farted and my actions made you hurt and uncomfortable around me) ie His act or action/your reaction/consequences of your reaction according to him.
- Do not down play his feelings or brush it off please. everyone reacts differently. Apologies sincerely (I didn't know raising my voice made you so uncomfortable and hurt, i am so sorry please)
- Find ways (both of you) to work things out and be better for each other. There should be little or No "i" but More of WE
- You both have to help each other and not let things progress further to where it is now. Agree and map out a way to call each others attention when such negative acts starts again. e.g Babe you are acting moody and irritated today and i am feeling some type of way can we talk it out or later before bed time.
Find open/clean grounds to express yourselves and be heard.
- You can bring up your disappointment of him asking your brother for support rather than you another day not same day please. tell him what he did, how it made you feel (Babe you asked my brother for support in your trying time not me first, your actions made me feel hurt, lonely, sidelined. i felt so bad that you don't trust me enough to be there for you in bad times, I am your wife and better half, we are in this together in good and in challenging times. then wait for him to tell you why and listen do not interrupt please.
- Be intentional to respect, care, love and pray for yourself, husband and family. People are going through alot that they can't even express out. Be Kind
God bless you and help you and family. All will be well
Don’t just throw money at the problem, when you give him money and he doesn’t conform you will now become angry that he isn’t obedient.
DeleteAlso some men actually take advantage of money thrown their way, he may continue to milk it until you get exhausted.
Sit down and discuss, or write it down and read it privately then come together and discuss a way forward. Let him say everything that hurts him or any habit he doesn’t like about you
You too state yours, keep reviewing your behaviors weekly until it becomes a habit.
Push up (original)
Thank you so much everyone, I
DeleteHope and pray to change, I will put into practice all your advice ❤️
Everything should be discussed, every damn thing.
ReplyDeletePay attention to every detail
Hmmn... No shying away from saying some things.
DeleteEverything anything should be discussed
ReplyDeleteMoney,
ReplyDeleteNumber of children,
Saving,
Family visitation ( number of days they will stay)
EXPECTATIONS EXPECTATIONS and EXPECTATIONS
ReplyDeleteFinances is very crucial, decision making,the number of kids, accomodation,and how they will be spending their income including the amount they will be sending to their parents.
ReplyDeleteEverything should be discussed ,me for example my wife is supportive financially. like I bring 80 she brings 20.the only issue I have is the sex part,we have been married for almost 3years and if I dont make advances for sex then nothing happens.i have discussed with her a few times I've asked her if she doesn't want us to have kids bcos we dont have any at d moment.today she will say its ulcer tomorrow something else.
ReplyDeleteHave you guys gone for test? What if she is hiding something from you?
DeleteYou need to find out if she’s suffering from ptsd from past sexual encounters or if she has a low libido, find ways to stimulate her, you can even help her out at home. Except she’s not sexually attracted to you.
DeletePush up (original )
Nahhh. Don’t keep quiet about this . Save up money, see a therapist then see a doctor as well. Wtf
DeleteMaybe she doesn't like sex with you.
DeleteUp your game Mr Man so age doesn't look elsewhere.
Discuss inlaws ish and agree on a particular decision, cos this shit has scattered alot if homes.
ReplyDeleteWatch out for misunderstanding, how do u solve it, when i was still dating my husband we agreed on the fact that any hurt or anger towards each other will not exceed 24hrs and it has been working for us, we don't take advantage of that agreement atall
We also agreed on not taking each other for granted, some couple after marriage will please outsiders first before their spouse, becos they feel the wife/hubby is there always so he or she will always forgive.
Agree on my spouse first be4 any other person
Discuss church(Religion) denomination very important, are u very religious pls go for ur type if not hmmm
Discuss finance check if ur spouse is stingy or a spendrift to avoid premium tears
Biko discuss cleanliness and house work b4 u die
Discuss friends relationship with other people around so u will understand each other odi over important bcoz wife might be outgoing kinda person and hubby na one man's squad biko check well so that u both will understand each other b4 u marry
Discuss respect some men like it die, check if ur man dey like that so as to know how to go abt it, inbtwn talks fire am small insult in a jokingly way and see his reaction
Check how he treats his mother and family, from there lies ur answers, and men check how ur she treats her father and elder brother, from there u will know how she will treat u, Discuss it and from he/her response u will know, run away from someone that openly runs his/her family down infront of u, no matter how deep the hurt is, b very carefulooooh
Discuss sexoooooooooooooh very important
*paprika*
Me i know how to fart expecially when sleeping,i discuss it with my hubby and he said he is ok am free to fart.anytime i mess he smiles and we both burst into laughter.
ReplyDeleteThe mess even made our love Stronger.
I dont think any other man can tolerate my mess oo..abi medicine dey dey for mess
You’re my partner let’s hook up to have a messing competition. This weekend I banished myself from our room because I nearly killed the man with toxic gas🤣🤣 I just jejely go another room so I can mess in peace make I no suffocate another person pikin 🤣
DeleteDiscuss with a good physician
DeleteDon’t eat close to bedtime is the easiest way to avoid farting in bed
DeleteCheck you diet for gassy food
Then there’s beano and gas x pills for gas
If you like kill your husband with mess, na you go bear am. Nonsense and ingredient.
DeleteNa all this Una oversabi make many women remain single and will remain single forever,
ReplyDeleteSome marriages start on a rough part and turn out great while some start great and end in premium tears.
Human change , your partner may agree to all the discussion only to change after marriage.
What of unforseen circumstances,whereby you both are earning well and have had your life all planned out and life happens
Every marriage needs work and God that's all I'm saying
Many women in the past endured rather than enjoyed marriage. Forget oversabi marriage is a transaction, nobody should assume anything ,let all cards be on the table
DeleteSo for your mind you don contribute
DeleteAsk how many children he wants to have
DeleteAre pre-marital agreements cast in bridge making concrete?
ReplyDeleteEach of a couple agree to solely cater for their parents' demands. When a need above their respective capacity arises. Will that agreement stand if the other party can easily help out?
How many things can be discussed and agreed on?
Best is to know God, know self, know your partner, and be of mutual value to each other.
@anon 19.04 …Apt👍
ReplyDeleteDiscuss how much space each person will need. Even in a marriage you still need time alone and a sense of freedom to pursue hobbies and personal interests.
ReplyDelete