STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
COMPLICATED SITUATION
How do you handle a boyfriend that has refused breakup?
COMPLICATED SITUATION
How do you handle a boyfriend that has refused breakup?
We dated for a year and six months but I know we can't get married.
He has proposed but I rejected the proposal because I know I can't marry him.
He told me he has a child few months into our relationship, yes I should have broken up with him then but this guy is so nice to me. Now he's seriously disturbing me for marriage but my sister's experience with her husband's baby mama is something I can't handle.
When I told him, he assured me that will never be our case but the lady is still much single and always troubling him with demands. I can't handle that but this guy breaks down anytime I refuse him.
I've blocked him everywhere before but he will get a new number and start crying(manipulating my emotions). I will accept him back but I know I can't marry him.
I have caught him betting before and wanted to use that as an excuse but he begged and promised never to do that again but I know they don't truly stop. He loves me so much and he's so nice to me but I don't want to marry him.
I loved him then too but my sister has warned me that if she knew about baby mama drama she wouldn't have married her husband.
There's another guy that also wants to marry me and I like him but because of my boyfriend I can't even accept that one because he will be completely shattered. But then how will I marry someone out of pity or for how long will I continue this pity relationship
There's another guy that also wants to marry me and I like him but because of my boyfriend I can't even accept that one because he will be completely shattered. But then how will I marry someone out of pity or for how long will I continue this pity relationship
WOW it is better to tell him than to let him find out that you moved on from someone else...let him know why this cannot work. I dont blame you, so many marriages have been messed up by baby mamas.he should go and marry his..
Huh
ReplyDeleteGo on ahead and tell him to move on na
What are you even on about?
Poster, almost all the paragraph of your write up has 'but I can't marry him '. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, please don't let him blackmail you emotionally into getting married to him. Your reason is valid, kindly sit him down and talk it out. Make sure you strong your heart o.
DeleteYou sef should have done this long ago before he gets committed to the relationship, but I guess you're waiting for another man to come.
Why don't they marry their baby mama. Oga oh.
ReplyDeleteI don't know...
DeleteIf a man doesn't love you, don't born for him simple because he won't MARRY you.
Poster tell him that you have moved on
Why sleep with a woman you can't marry even if she gets pregnant?
Hahaha
DeleteAll this because of an emotional manipulative man. Marry him and come back in few years with a stronger chronicle.
ReplyDeleteBobo I love you and you know it Carry all the blame and put on your parents and elder sister. Tell him your family has vowed never to allow you marry a baby mama or someone that bet. Tell him you have begged him and even threaten to elope with him yet they did not change their mind rather they involved other relatives to warn you. Cry with him very well. Show strong emotional concern on how painful the breakup is to you.
Don't ever tell him another man is disturbing you. Ask the other man to give you few months before coming to marry you so that he will not think you left him and jumped into another man's hands immediately.
Wisdom is profitable to direct. Baby mama wahala is not beans. Polygamy is not for the faint mind.
this one na correct formula.
Delete@ Zaram, hugs and kisses for you. Weldone.
DeleteLolz, this won't work. I was in a similiar position with my ex-fiance (though no baby mama).
DeleteUsed every excuse in the book, even came out clean but the guy kept coming back, I tried my best to give him a soft landing, to no avail.
I took the bull by the horn and called it quits and I sticked to it, this came after introduction sef.
But a failed engagement is better than a failed marriage.
Even when a prophet I dont know from Adam warned him that he was going to die if he proceeded to marry me, he didn't mind.
Nothing could deter him. (Eventhough I cheated)
The way the broke up happened was so unexpected for him.He thought I would change my mind after he cajoled me as usual. Told him we will both die someday, when he was threatening to kill himself.
This time I got my Dad involved cos my Mum had been begging him to let go all along to no avail. I also reported to his friends and family so they know the truth.
Story long jare. Just be truthful and stick to it.
N:B It was not a financially based relationship.
Whatever you do, don't marry out of pity.
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle is not even necessary. You should have just moved on and blocked him again if he calls with another line. That is how you will miss good men because of a man that you don't want to marry.
ReplyDeleteYes, betting is deadly and addictive, they don't stop completely.
Very unnecessary chronicle. You are wasting your time by yourself
DeleteDon't ever marry him.
ReplyDeleteI married my ex that has 15yrs old son. We were TTC, he will point at his son as a proof of his fertility and asked me to point mine. Only for us to run a test and his own came out azoospermia. Start treatment nah, Oga say the drug dey mess up his system,he no do again. I saw shege. Any time we quarrel, this man will leave me and be sleeping with his son in his room. To greet me sef sometimes was war for the boy. I left when I couldn't bear it. God forbid I marrying a a man that have child outside.. In my next life. My child will be his first.
baby mama drama is not easy, especially when they cannot take a stand.
DeleteOr where they take a stand but the baby mama refuses to stand by what was taken.
DeleteLol. He’s not the father of that boy. E go shock am
Delete18:15, he may be the father. Azoospermia occurs at any point in a man's life. It may have started after he had the boy. That he has no sperm now doesn't mean he never had sperm before in his life.
Deleteposter are you afraid to speak to this guy or what? why can't you tell him you are no longer interested with the relationship? you need to take a stand and not saying something else but you are doing something else. Have a hangout with this dude, talk with him, be truthful and do not hide under anything. If you need to take one bottle so that you can have clear eyes to tell him your mind please do so.
ReplyDeleteTell him you cannot marry him cos of his baby mama, she is in his life and will never leave his life. Since he cannot take a stand with his baby mama, you should take a stand with him. If you marry him his baby mama will continue to trouble you. After you told him is over and he start to forming down or sick please press ignore button and face front. Else you will continue playing this game with him while he is enjoying his life, he has a child already with another and can marry her at any time. You are the one to cry las las. Is high time for you to stand your ground and define what you want, break up with him and accept the other guy.
Since he cannot stay with one woman or wear protection, he should enjoy his baby mama.
Move on if you know you can't marry him na, what's all the chronicle about? Should we come and help you leave the relationship permanently abi what? Because I don't get it
ReplyDeleteSo, you intend to carry this boyfriend on your back for the rest of your life and never move forward with anything because he doesn’t want to break up? Seems like it is you who don’t want to break up. You must be dickmatized and the dick is holding you steady and you can’t move on. Have you ever seen how quick and clean men move on without even looking back? You better learn from them and know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away and know when to run.
ReplyDeleteEither you want to stay or go, but don’t be lukewarm. Nigerian men don’t even want to date single mothers, let him go mend the broken fences between him and the child’s mother and make an honest woman out of her. If she was good enough to carry his precious seed, then she is good to marry.
You don’t owe him the rest of your life or womb because you dated for 1.5 years.
Not everyone engages in premarital sex, so don't assume she is dickmatised.
DeletePoster yes it’s wrong to marry out of pity but are you going to lose a good man because he has a child?
ReplyDeleteIt’s better we advise people to move on when relationships/ marriage fail instead of telling a woman to avoid a man that has kid/kids cos at long run na women go suffer am pass. Imagine if it were to be a guy that wrote this chronicle trying to dump a lady because she has a child.
My girl friend had twin boys for a guy that left her, he even agreed the kids were his just because he met the lady as a virgin and the pregnancy came after the first sex. He got married the second year and my friend MOVED ON. Imagine moving on from your first love with 2 kids but she did. Today she’s happily married to a man that loves her so much. The boys are 12yrs now and they have their own phones to communicate with their dad. My friend respects herself and have no relationship with the guy.
If anyone decides to still be cheating with their ex, the person is shameless and should not be considered normal.
Fan Emmanuel
I'm shook reading the comments here with barely rational advice to the lady.
DeleteAre y'all agreeing that single parents shouldn't be given a chance in love and marriage cos of past mistakes? We all should learn to drop this cancel culture and treat people differently as they come, keep an open mind. Most of the time similar stories or situations ends differently.
The poster is only scared cos of her sister's experience and her fears are totally valid and understandable. But poster, how does this man treat you? How does he relate with his baby mama? Why do you really want to break-up with this guy?
I'm not telling you to stick or break-up with him but only you knows what it feels like to be with him. Only you know what questions your relationship and why you can't take a stand. Deal with your issues squarely and stop getting opinion of other people's reality which in some cases is unique to them.
I wish you the best.
Fresh Fruit🍒🍓
I'll advise you to tell him how you feel and why this won't work. Move on at once if you want to, everyone will be fine with time.
ReplyDeleteHe’s emotionally manipulating you. Don’t marry this man-maybe i’ve been watching too many marry and murder series.
ReplyDeleteChoi! If only all baby mamas were like me! I don't ever call my son's dad, ask him for money or anything. I respect that he is married and respect that t boundary. He has access to speak with his son whenever he wants. I moved on the moment he requested that I aborted the pregnancy and relocated out of the country. I will never understand why some baby mamas can be dramatic. Life is stressful eniugh without added wahala in any form including human!
ReplyDeleteSome women go into relationship and baby mamahood for provision.
DeleteApparently, you have the means to care for yourself. Some women don't.
Contrary to the message some female Bvs struggle with and object to here, there are very mean and vindictive human beings who are women - what they can't have, no man or woman is allowed to have.
You tried to allow him access to a Child he didn't want.
DeleteTruly there is consequences for Fornication.
DeleteWell, we do not know the nature of the relationship between the guy and the child’s mother. What if he made unkept promises and that is why she lashes out.
DeletePoster stop letting him blackmail you emotionally
ReplyDeleteFace the truth and let him get soaked in it.
It's time to move on from this situationship.
For your good o.
I’m scared of these type of obsessive men. I hope you stay safe oh and pls break up with him. Never marry someone out of pity. Break up with him and mean it not that when he begs, you will now take him back.
ReplyDeleteLike someone said above, this Chronicle is not necessary. You're wasting your time. Obsession is not love. You're wasting your time hanging around the guy. You're even manipulating yourself by yourself. You have someone that wants to marry you, you're wasting your time with another that you won't marry. How confused can you be!
ReplyDeleteThis!
DeletePoster, why didn't you breakup immediately the guy told you about his baby mama. Then you didn't have anyone I guess, now you have found someone else then brought up baby mama drama.😂😂
ReplyDeleteCautionary tales Jon bellion :
ReplyDeleteShe just needed saving from herself
It was never enough
She just needed saving from herself
She just needed saving from herself
Poster you need saving from YOURSELF which no one is going to do but YOU.
Look for a way to breakup with him because if he were in your shoes he wont even think twice before breaking up with you, men put themselves first. Let me ask oh, if you are using your sister's experience to judge what happens if you marry a man without a baby mama ish and after marriage he ends up having a child with a problematic baby in the marriage what will you do? If you can answer this i assure you your chronicles has been solved.
ReplyDeleteLol... This people. Smh
ReplyDeleteYou knew being a baby daddy is a deal breaker for you but you kept using him and taking his kindness for foolishness yea?
Now is the right time to dump him because you've found another guy right? His feelings and emotions are nothing because he's a man right? Not my business who you marry or friend but I wonder what the comments here would be especially from thesame women urging you to dump thos said man if the reverse were to be the case.
Well, I'm sure by now y'all must have known that Y'all double standards will not change reality. The chronicles will keep rolling in and men will unapologetically keep being 'scum'.
See the way they are sounding like they don't know what this poster did or is trying to do. 1 and a half year of using someone you knew you'd not get married to? Do this to a lady and men will become 'scum, scummer and scumm...whatever. lol, Associates of double standard bitter women.
Don't mind her, the hypocrisy on this blog is shocking. She used him and now she found another person she's making excuses.
DeleteI hate waste of emotions. You knew there is no way you would marry a man like him but you kept leading him on, who knows, maybe he has invested in one or two things in your life, borrowed money to support you in one or two etc... To me this is greediness, and selfishness.
ReplyDeleteMy advice: It will be difficult to let go of you if he has sacrificed alot in your life; so be carful when breaking up with him so he won't harm you as a payback for breaking his heart.
Take the breakup process 'little by little' until the love fades. Stop collecting things from him, not even an assistance should you demand from him. 'Gradually' cut off from calling him over to assist in doing things like fixing some stuff at home... Learn to solve your problems without calling for his support... If you communicate 10times in a day / week reduce it to 9, then 8, 7,6,5 ,4, 3..., but if he is the one that calls, please pick up the call so he won't feel bad but be mindful not to assure him of your love when communicating.
Your sister is not you
ReplyDeleteIf you like him marry him
I'm a baby mama, my baby daddy woke up one morning and realized that I'm not good enough to be wifed. He went ahead and got married. I don't bother him for anything, he's the one busy policing me not to bring strange men into my house coz his son is there. Reason why my son can't live with him is, when he visited, his wife made him select beans by 11pm so she can cook early tomorrow. In the morning, she made him sweep, mop, wash plates, and iron her kids socks, he said he ironed 56 pairs of socks without breakfast. He ate by 12pm. He stayed for a week, my boy came back looking like a scare crow, emaciated and weak. I quickly got him rehydrated, took a picture and sent the before and after to his father. I told him never will my child step foot in that house. He will be coming to mine now to see him. I have resolved to indulge him, I don't care coz I won't be the one to cry and rave, I'm not marrying him, but I have resolved to make him the father of 2 more kids. Dare maltreat my son when I'm alive? Them no born her well.
ReplyDeleteYou people should at least demand marriage before Sex to protect your dignity and your children's dignity, imagine the pains of sexual sins if affecting the child, it's shameful to learn your mum was rejected after sex without marriage, the child secretly wishes the mum was morally upright
DeleteYep, they always wake up with the sudden realization that where they planted their seed is suddenly not enough and ‘better’ is out there for them. Yet, wants to manage your life and vagina while their own life and penis have full freedom. This poster doing see-saw, but let the tables were turned she would have been dropped quicker than a hot fart. He likely wouldn’t even indulge her because she has ‘baggage’
DeleteJeez, anon 19:02, what does you ppl mean? Please let us not let religiosity remove our humanity. I know you probably thought you were doing God’s work but the entire energy of your comment is all shades of wrong. It is in fact vile. Ffs learn kindness🤦🏾♀️
DeleteA man who couldn't wife you, you have decided to give two more kids. He watched his wife maltreat your baby and didn't say a word.
DeleteWhen will you pick up your self esteem?
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Let's gather the children round the table again and get them to still try to understand this basic principle.
ReplyDeleteThe purpose of dating is marriage. If you can't marry someone, don't date that person for ANY reason! If someone has shown you who they are, what baggage they are dealing with early enough in your dating stage, call it off and walk away!
Don't allow someone who you know has baggage or an entanglement that doesn't sit well with you, invest emotions with you and plan to build a future with you. You will come off as wicked when you call off the relatio ship.
OP admitted she knew her man has a baby mama. She went ahead and continued dating him. Was she expecting her man to use and dump her?
If you think a man or woman is good enough to date, then he or she is damn good enough to marry. Enough of taking advantage of people's emotions and wasting their time.
STOP LEADING PEOPLE ON!
OP is immature. It had to take her sister to point out warning lights to her? Every man is different and should be judged accordingly. It is the height of selfishness to date someone for close to two years and then you are taking your sisters warning as reason to call off your relationship.
I found out my husband has an ex wife and 2 kids about 5 months after we met while planning our wedding. I was upset, postponed the wedding to observe him better, I realised the kids were not a problem as they don't have to live with us, he also has zero communication for the ex wife so we went ahead and married.
DeleteMy point is every situation is different, I'm happily married to a man that has a whole ex-wife and 2 kids but it's not a problem. Poster, check well if the baby mama will be a problem to you or not and I agree it's wrong to waste someone's time and emotions if you know you can't deal with their baggage.
*zero communication with ex-wife
DeleteAll this chronicles that a babe will be in a relationship with someone but there is one or two others who want to marry her. I just dey wonder aloud. Someone you are not in a relationship will just say he wants to marry you? Co blog visitors, abeg how e dey take happen?.am just asking o while una advice her!!!!
ReplyDeleteAre you asking thesame people who advised the women not to ‘put all their eggs in one basket’?. Their gospel only changes when their brothers or sons are involved. The women on this blog and those on that pained nigerian women dominated facebook page, i don’t know which is worst.
DeleteDon’t marry him ooo maintain ur stand you’ve already said u can’t be with someone with a baby mama, forget pity I wish u well
ReplyDeleteAnyin…..
But she can be with him and eat his money for one and a half year right? Why are the women here not calling this poster out for the love scammer that she is or is it because the guy isn’t their son?
DeleteYes, she doesn’t want to marry the guy and it’s not by force but she is a greedy thief. Plus, let’s keep thesame energy anyday a lady or a single mother writes in to tell how a man she had dated for almost two years suddenly wakes up one morning to find her ineligible for marriage because she already has a baby.
Poster, “the spirit of man is the candle of God”. Follow your heart and be firm. Not condemning baby mamas but the common narrative is that men led them on and abandoned them or asked them to abort after promising them marriage or love. It’s not always true. Some trap the men, hoping a child will make the man love them. Sometimes it makes the man “dislike them” for messing up their lives. I know a case where the girl lied that she had no uterus and could never have kids and both agreed to a benefit-only relationship with no emotions attached only for the woman to disappear for a while and show up with a pregnancy that she refused to abort though the man told her he didn’t want her or the baby. The foundation of the pregnancy was based on a lie though they both fornicated. The young man was devastated at his own stupidity in believing the lie and left her. She now has four kids the others with another man! Someone who supposedly couldn’t “have kids because her uterus was gone). Some men are naive, so are some women. Not these days again with so much information.
ReplyDeleteSuch a man won’t even want to set eyes on the woman. It breeds resentment if not careful even towards the innocent child. Self esteem is very important. Look at the life of popular music stars with multiple baby mamas. If a baby mama is single,and there was once a romantic relationship, anything can happen again. If there was never any romantic relationship, the odds are less. Either way, pray very hard, think of thirty years down the road. We don’t know the future. If you don’t like stress, stay away and block him but return anything of financial significance you took from him. Fair is fair.
Poster don chop money wey go soon hook her. That's why these men kill you guys, long throat.
ReplyDelete