Hmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SINGLE MOTHER LOSING HER MIND
Please I want to ask single mothers or people who are very close to them, do things ever get better?
I'm a single mum of a 4 year old and I am overwhelmed right now. I have prayed and fasted tirelessly for my child's father to just come and play his fatherly duties but it seems it's not working.
It's been 4 years since he turned his back on us and I have been hoping for a miracle. I don't know how to push through anymore. I literally cry on the road while walking because I am tired.
I wanted to end my life but the thoughts of my son becoming motherless in this cruel world made me rethink that decision. Now a new school session has started and I am finding it difficult to pay my son's school fees because I am currently out of job. This made me start asking myself if things will ever get better. Please as a single mum, how are you coping? Who do you share your journey of motherhood with? Do you keep the interesting things your child does to yourself? If things have changed for the better, how did it happen? I really want to know because I'm losing my mind
*Side eyes* Take am easy you hear... I hate to hear that a mother whether single or married is thinking of committing suicide and leaving that child...that is a selfih thought. drop itand hustle..
If the baby daddy is non exitent in the childs life, hustle to do it alone.....
I beg to use BV Castle as an example, look at her today, she struggled and pulled through and refused to be drowned by the fact that her baby daddy refused to own up to his responsibilty...
She went through hell and back but never for once though about suicide...She became a fighter and today God has removed her from the pit..#Please single mums doing well , give this woman some inspiration and make her understand that waiting for him is not a good idea...You decided to keep the pregnancy so use that same determination to hustle!
I am sorry if i sound harsh!
You mean he hasn’t shown up in 4 years?
ReplyDeleteHow about your baby daddy’s parents, have you spoken to them?
Sluttychic.
His parents are late
DeleteIf the man was dead, what would you do? 🤷♀️
DeleteYou are healthy and should remove shame and pride. Hustle in the market. Carry goods and get paid.
If you can drive, get a license and look for Keke Napep in high purchase or weekly delivery to start making money.
Wash clothes for people. Look for house help jobs to get paid. So much you can do if you are in the city. Because location can be a barrier to opportunity.
See the baby daddy as dead and forgotten. You expect too much from him and he already moved on..
Reach out to his family too.
she should contact her baby daddy's parents and see if they can help.
DeletePoster, please just know I'm hugging you tight right now and crying. You will be fine. I promise. I had an abortion 2 months ago and sometimes I think I'm going crazy with regret. Hang in there.
Delete1. Stop expending energy praying for him to come play his role. Why not pray to God for strength to do this?
2. Homeschool your child jare. That's what I would love to do with mine. These abroad schools don jaga jaga with the pornography they are teaching our children.
3. Make sweet videos of silly and sweet things he does and watch them when you feel down. Those are the videos you will watch and reminisce on when times get better. My niece is 6 now and I stayed with them till she was 2. I watch those videos I made sometimes and it really makes me happy.
Quick story. My secondary school classmates got pregnant when she was 19. Her guy abandoned her, father and siblings threw her out and she went to live in an uncompleted building. She saw hell on earth. Her son is 12 now and she has remarried with 3 other boys. Her husband and his family loves her 1st that isn't his like he is theirs. He doesn't even know this man isn't his father yet. Her husband calls him his special boy and they've been married for over 6 years now. She doesn't even know where her son's father is anymore and doesn't care.
Take a good look at the blessing God had given you in form of your son and don't let temporary issues that can change tomorrow or even in a minute make you ungrateful.
You will be fine. Your child will be fine. Everything will be fine. Big hug darling!
Dear poster,
DeleteWhy don’t you start content creating, make videos about your time with your son, your struggles, your happy moments
Short and exiting videos and share
Make entertaining reels and share, you’d be surprised how social media has helped plenty people.
I saw a reel few days ago of a girl drinking garri late at night with her last card, that video went viral, today davido gifted her 2million Naira.
You never know where your helper is located. There are plenty people who have become internet sensations by sharing simple moments about their lives.
You have a phone, you have a story
You can even make videos with voice overs and that’s it
You can share whatever talent too, like plaiting, make up or even singing
You’d be so surprised
Push up (original)
My sister is a single mother,and she's footing her bills single handedly. She works govt job,and also do business by the side.
DeleteFirst time I got pregnant, I knew I couldn't care for the child without help, so I stopped it from progressing. I got a good job and started dating actively, I got pregnant again and I knew that I can care for the child with or without help. Baby daddy was very involved, until he met another girl, that's how he stopped caring. I didn't bother him till today, I am training my son wholeheartedly. Since I'm not good enough for marriage, he married his new GF, I Kuku change my son name. If he wants to revert to his absentee dad's name in future, it's up to him, I choose peace and rest of mind. If I see husband, I will marry, if I don't I will definitely born another child. Time no dey to cry over man.
ReplyDeleteUse this to encourage yourself...
DeleteHmmm, you casually said you stopped one preg from progressing and still went ahead to get another one, I think the guy may have concerns about your morals.
DeleteAnonymous 15:09. Please pardon me for correcting you, ' you will birth not born'. Birth is the present tense. People make that mistake a lot.
DeleteGuy alas fornication specialist have problem with morals...pls
DeleteIt is well with you my sister, my sister is also a single mum and it's just now she was also complaining to me about her daughter's father,it is well just continue to hope in God it is not easy at all.
ReplyDeleteSincerely it's not
DeleteJust to add to this
ReplyDeleteIf the father was dead you’d still hustle to train the child
Thank you for this advice it’s all I’ll do right now lemme just be strong and pick up the pieces — I’m not the poster ooo just needed kinds similar advice
DeleteIf you can’t pay school fees for your 4 year old, let him stay at home for now. What are they teaching in school at this age that you will stress yourself to send him. Teach him at home. If you’re not sure what to teach, google or search YouTube and he’ll be even more ahead
ReplyDeleteAs par who to share your joys with, where is your family? Your friends etc
This question is hard to answer for some people like me who’ve labored while others watch them. At 30 is when I had to tell my dad help me as well I know I look competent but I struggle and I’m a child just like your sons. If family can do this let’s not speak about friends okwiya
Delete16:12 she says who will she share the joys with not the burdens
DeleteShare them with your family and friends
Poster Ehugs to you! I can imagine how you feel and how is like you are Atlas with the world on your shoulders. You are a single mother by choice and you have to own up to it....You have a child now; it is not easy at all but one thing you need to teach your 4 year old son that with all obstacles and challenges, you can rise above it with determination and resilience...
ReplyDeleteAsk God to help you purge out any suicidal thoughts in your mind...You don't want to imagine how your child will fare in another man or woman hands...Only you can take care of him and shower him with all love you can...As for a father figure, your dad, your brother or a respectful relative can always play that role. Waiting for your baby daddy is like waiting for a ship to berth at Muritala Muhammed Airport. Sugar! It will not happen...Ask God to give you the power and grace to accept things that you cannot change, you can't force him to take responsibility no matter how you cry, fast and pray.
You need to double your hustle while you make some adjustments financially and otherwise. Prove to yourself that you can do it and with God's help. However, don't pour your frustrations or anger towards your child; he/she did not ask to be born; also don't speak bad about your baby daddy to him; when he is of age; you can reveal the truth...
I am rooting for you 🤗💚. You can do it and you can make it. Take cue from Castle and other single mothers stories today.
Again, it is not easy and nobody says it is but it is time to rise up and take charge. Be like David in the bible who cried but still rose up to fight for his destiny and people.
Surround yourself with friends, join a support group (Aunty Landa comes to mind). You can't do this alone but with the right alliance you will scale through
All the best
Think about this too..
DeleteThanks St., its encouraging.
Poster I'm wishing you the best and pray you make it to make this boy proud .
God's strength be upon you and I pray a good job locates you soonest
Poster, while I can't give you guarantees that things will get better SOON, I can guarantee this... Things will definitely get better. You need to keep rooting for yourself and your son.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't mention why the father turned his back against you and the child. I hope that's not a decision you enforced yourself? Well, since you have chosen to step up, you need to stay up for that child. Children are innocent. They need and deserve everything good life has to offer and it is your duty as the mother with custody of the child to do so. It won't be easy. But you have to take everyday as it comes.
I pray things turn around for the better soon for you.
Amen
DeleteMadam please take it easy . Forget about your baby daddy and hustle, thank God it's just a kid, widows with plenty children are alive and doing great. Like Stella said hustle and forget about him, I save towards my daughter next school fees immediately they resume school,so paying school fees doesn't come as a problem. Some of my friends in their husbands house sef are the ones struggling to pay school fees as the man is just there, I've never asked my baby daddy for school fees, if he brings I'll collect,but his brain hasn't yet told him schools collect fees, I do it joyfully cos I see my child as a blessing, and I'll do anything to make sure she's okay. See you child as a blessing and things will be easier
ReplyDeletePlease forget him and double your hustle.
DeleteEveryone has said it all... Be encouraged dear. Ehugs to you . We're rooting for you
The number of irresponsible and useless men everywhere is terrible
DeleteVery useless
I think your expectations of your baby daddy coming around is what is weighing you down. Forget about him, he may never come around.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if gorvement school for kids is free in Nigeria. If it is, please take your child to a gorvement school and add home schooling to it. I pray you get a job soon so you can save towards his higher education properly.
Here's to wishing you all the best.
They pay but not so expensive compare to private. But she can home school him especially when she's free or during holidays
DeleteNo be small side eyes oo side eyes with okpolo sef
ReplyDeleteLike Stella said, erase those suicidal thoughts from your mind, stay strong for your child, you'll be fine eventually. However, you can take him to welfare, the court will mandate him to make a monthly or weekly commitment to the welfare of that child, whichever arrangement suits him. That's what a friend of mine did, the baby daddy had no option but to commit to paying weekly child support, although in her own case, it was a mutual agreement between the both of them to have a child, the guy reneged on his agreement to marry her, and wanted to use that opportunity to evade his responsibility to his own child, my friend no give am that chance. I do not really know the story between you and your baby daddy, but whatever it is, provided he has accepted paternity, if he's refusing to contribute to the child's welfare, you have to take it up legally.
ReplyDeletePS: This is my longest comment on this platform 😁
Poster look for FIDA in your state
DeleteDo menial respectable jobs
Forget about the existence of an irresponsible sperm donor
Pray like a mad woman
Destroy evil family patterns in the life of your son through prayers, he will not turn out like his father
WOMEN STOP BREEDING WITH IRRESPONSIBLE, WICKED FOOLS
STOP ENTERTAINING THEM TALKLESS OF GOING OUT WITH THEM OR EVEN MARRYING THEM
My dear it is not easy but you have to make life easy for your sanity. I am a single mum of two and my ex like yours turned his back on us just to frustrate my sanity. What did I do? I have to cut my coat according to my size, I first of all remove shame and did thing which I could. I pulled my kids out of their luxury school and put them in govt school. That was a pill that was so hard for me to swallow but I had to rather than owing school fees or not even going to school. I take my time to monitor their school work and also teach them when they are back home. I put them in extra lesson so as to catch up. For luxury life I cut down on unnecessary things, where I don't compromise is on food as I try as much as possible to give them good quality food as it will yield an impact in their growth. I shop at wholesales market to get at cheaper rate I even had to change their milk to a lesser amount. In short like I said earlier I just cut down on a lot of things so as to adjust to the economy surge. Remove shame, don't be afraid to share your plight esp. your status. Telling people that I am a single mum has really helped a lot although some will want to take advantage but be wise sis. Open your heart to mingle have your me time it is very important if you have family allow your kid to spend time with them as it will give you space to add more value to yourself. Love yourself sis because if you don't you cant love anyone. Pray for God guidance always be ready to mingle with opposite sex even if it will not yield anything serious lol so you don't get lost as single person. Join social groups to help you laugh. I sometimes go to online dating app just to mingle with guys although I don't have the mind of meeting them physically cos am scared of meeting the wrong person but I have made some good friends they. Don't be scared to tell someone you are ready for relationship na from play e dey enter dance. I have been a single mother for the past 4 years and those married envy my peace of mind. Cut down on unnecessary things it is a life life saver. Meanwhile my kids attend military school paying school fees with ease is been my saving grace lately. I hated their uniform as it was ugly but I have come to love it as my kids are always neat to school. My daughter was awarded the neatest in her class (blush). With God by our side we will all pull through Amen.
ReplyDelete❤️❤️
DeletePoster prayyyyy , drop pride do menial work, nanny 50k dey (check online) look for police or military school in your area put your son
DeleteIf he has money, go to court to get child support no matter how little. Find agency to help you
ReplyDeleteThank you @15:45. The comment I have been looking for.
DeleteLook for FIDA
DeleteMy dear don't commit suicide.
ReplyDeleteKeep it moving for your child. I know you feel if you go your family might take car of him.
But there are lots of possibilities if you stay alive.
My friend is a single mother & her child is 3already this September. Its not easy, sometimes when she calls me on phone to narrate even me dey tire. It got to a point I avoided her call cos it seemed as if me sef don join dey mama the pickin.
It's not easy in this naija of today o. It's not easy at all.
But it will get better, like Stella said try hustle more, double or triple it.
Me I'm shall praying to God that instead of me to fall into the trap of single mother let me jus be single o if husband with good head o come. Omo cos even some married women are not living better life.
One woman her husband go borrow money from all these loan apps, 50k. Na so them begin disturb the woman for call.say her husband dey owe say if he no pay dem go disgrace them, the woman na bread winner, she call neighbour begun cry, na so she gather money with her husband pay.
Life is hard mehhnnnn
Women choose better
DeleteIgnore the pressure of selfish and irresponsible men
Ignore useless society
Not everyone can have a child with you
Close your legs
Hope on GOD
Dear Chronicle Poster,
ReplyDeleteDo you have siblings doing very well? What about your parents? Are you a Christian and belong to any of these mega churches? If yes, then you can meet members or even the elders of the church and see if there's a job offer they can give you to earn for a living. Some of these churches help mostly if you're active and belong to a unit.
Generally, the economy situation of Nigeria is very harsh and only few are finding it easier manoeuvring it challenges.
Don't sit idle! Waiting for your son's father. Reach out to people you can see or know. Someone will definitely help knowing you're a single mom and have a child to care for.
I don't know how old are you there's something I would have suggested but all the same I wish you divine intervention.
Poster look neat
DeleteRely on GOD
Don't lose guard, don't be desperate vultures are out there wanting to take advantage of people like you
Chai! You remind me of my mother. Always Walking on the road and crying as a single mother. But she hustled even when no jobs were available, When my father finished doing shakara, he started providing for me at least.
ReplyDeletePlease don’t think of suicide, if only for the sake of your child. A mother is too important in the life of a child, I cannot count what my mother has done for me physically, emotionally, and spiritually, nobody else can do it for me.
Life is hard but chin up! Forget that you have a baby daddy, pretend he is dead. You only have you and your child. Do any job, even petty business that you consider are below you. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
It wasn't shakara, he wasn't a good man
DeleteTaking care of you is his responsibility, not a favour he was doing for you or your mother
DeleteYou need to brace up and accept your son as your own and work hard, he still a baby look for cheap school for him. Na only one you get me i have 2 daughters and he left that na only girls i give birth to, i return his bride prize without wasting time, for the past 6months he sent 20k because he saw that my daughters are doing very well and my new husband doesn't joke with them. I have a son now for my new husband, he don pregnant like 3 other ladies. Life is good with my new husband and my princesses.
ReplyDeletehis lost, may God continue to bless your new husband.
DeleteGod will help you. Just forget about the man and do your best. It pains me how it's always the woman that suffers the repercussions of keeping a pregnancy
ReplyDeleteThat is why women should ignore useless men and not listen to them. Women have standards, pick EXTREMELY carefully, be financially balanced, only few men are fit for relationship talkless if marriage. Stop baby mama hoid
DeleteStop allowing useless men have access to you
DeleteThank you for this chronicle oooo!!! I’m in a different situation but no better than you I’m a year plus into marriage currently pregnant from the first day I’ve taken up responsibilities of the home including our feeding. We get by almost hand to mouth I can’t pay my fees for my higher education I once almost resorted to online begging I’ve done it codedly before but to no avail cause it’s not direct ! I also thought of suicide now I’m just sad too — abeg no insults you don’t know the circumstances under which I married and no I wasn’t desperate it’s its own story too tired to type , bleme myself! Hope it gets better
ReplyDeleteSeparate from liability , let him go and hustle without thinking you will carry him any longer, he is not a good or kind man. Also no more children till he can prove to be a USEFUL FATHER
DeleteA good hardworking man with self respect will not allow his wife do what you are doing
Please poster hold on cos of your child, remember if you are no more that child will suffer more. You can see that his father has refused to accept him plus he will be alone forever. Your child will grow up to hate you for doing this but i want you to love that child. Hustle no matter what and make sure you give him the best he should have.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know who that child will grow up tomorrow to become, so just double your hustle and God will be with you.
Dear sis,don't worry,things will surely get better,I was like this 3years ago,no care from my son's father,he is married now,I have left everything in God's hands,na God the care for me and my son now,just do same and be content and hopeful
ReplyDeleteMarriage does not stop him from caring and providing for his son
DeleteHe is just a useless man
If you are working, doing well and wanna get pregnant for a guy, start saving for that child's future, don't involve the guy in your plan for the child's future because the reality will always be there.
ReplyDeleteBUT
If you don't have means of livelihood and decided to get pregnant, you will see the other side of this life. Abstinence is the key or protection
Poster, may God send help to you. Don't kill yourself because of a baby daddy that has refused to play his part. Look up to God for He cares.
Mao Akuh
I feel you are yet to move on from your ex. My dear the day you emotionally cut him off your life, you will feel alive. Life happens like it happens to everyone. It's time to carry your cross and run.
ReplyDeletePick a teaching job near you and enrol your child in that school. Avoid anything that makes you lonely to avoid thinking about your ex. Some ladies get married, within few years of marriage the man died. They carried their cross and move on. No amount of pity or handout you will get that will solve all your problems. Stand up for yourself and your child. You don't need pity. You are stronger than you think. Strattch a little further in prayer.
Suicide will never be your portion dear and neither is it an option. O understand where all those thoughts are coming from ut you have to brace yourself for your CHILD!!
ReplyDeletePlease if it means to beg family members to help you out start a business, pls do . Little by little you pick up from there.
Don't ever think or wait for your child's father Pleaseee. Such expectations can kill.
A better tomorrow lies ahead of you my dear if you're ready to take the bull by it's horn. Sending you hugs 🤗
Na that hope you keep having that your baby daddy go return dey limit you.
ReplyDeletePut out of your mind and everything and hustle for you and your child. You can do it.
I know it's not easy but you can do it, nne.🤗
Pls leave all to God.he knows and understands what you are going through more.pray for helpers as you go about your daily activities.learn a skill or try to get another job, believing all shall be well again.
ReplyDeleteThere's always light at the end of the tunnel.Hug and kisses to you sweetheart.goodluck.
Poster if you are financialy balanced you won't have any reason to complain like this. From your complaints I can sense that your problem is not because you are a single mum, your problem is money. Look for those rich kids school and apply for a teaching job. There are primary and secondary schools that pay 50-100k as salary. Get your mind off that man and focus on developing yourself. I know it's not easy to find a job but keep searching. Ensure you don't fall into the hands of 419ners and opportunist during your search for a job opportunity.
ReplyDeleteWhere are you based let's see if one can link you to where you can easily get a job. Not necessarily a teaching job.
Thank you. Being a single mum is not the issue, money problem is the issue. What you need now is a good source of income to take care of you and your son. Cheer up, it rains everywhere! Don't kill yourself. A lot of people are going through financial difficulties in this Nigeria. I pray that you receive help🙏
DeletePls get your hands dirty,hustle like you have no one.
ReplyDeleteDon't care about what people will say.
Hope it’s not for married man o
ReplyDeleteThe mistake has been made, poster lock up. Never give him access to your body again, face front
DeleteYou have to provide for that child,it's your responsibility. Go out there and get your hands dirty. I've washed clothes,clean gutters,run errands for few naira. I'm not where I want to be o, we're still hustling but, it's better than where I was.
ReplyDeleteI have been a single mum since in gave birth to my pretty gal(my case is the something as yours), she's going to be 8yrs next year January, i am still pushing and praying to God to bring a good man, that will love me and treat my gal like his biological daughter. And i know that day is very close by the grace of the Almighty...Aamiin.
ReplyDeleteAll the single mums I know with children who became successful never regretted the journey. It gets better when the child succeeds against all odds. I know single moms who have raised doctors, engineers, lawyers, chefs, PhD’s, educators, and entrepreneurs. The journey is never pretty while it is happening and it may take decades to reap a harvest, but as long as life is in you and you do right by your child, raising them to be a productive and principled person you will for sure forget the hard times one day.
ReplyDelete1. Your son is 4 - he doesn't need to be in formal education, yet. The nursery/kindergarten level of schooling can be achieved at home, with YouTube Kids and other online resources. Pull him out of school.
ReplyDelete2. In regards to what the do with your life...I would suggest using your lemons to make lemonade. Start a single-mum themed platform on social media. I'm sure there's a gap in the market. Give women in your situation (or similar) the opportunity to be able to vent or share their experiences. Include an 'agony aunt' portion, were people can write-in seeking advice. When your page takes off, then monetize it via ads geared towards mums and babies/kids.
It's not easy. But please stay strong what happened to you can happen to anybody. Try to give your child the best even if it is taking him out to eat once in a while to have fun. Have fun too yourself, go to girls trip. Your journey does not ends here. The thing about life is people change including your baby daddy. But try to still provide for your child forget about your baby daddy and be there for your child the best way possible. Thinking about your baby daddy will give you more stress and cause you to be bitter as a Christian it is not worth it. I was in your shoes once I gave everything to God I felt better. There are people who are married and their spouse do not provide for the children. Or what about women who were happily married and now they are divorced or seperated. Life must go on. Please do not let the child suffer. But the man will be spending on friends and family to proof he is a big boy. My husband makes a good salary in America and has not provided anything to the children as they are going back to school. He keeps taking loans here and there to finance a project that is sucking money. Am just looking at him and not asking him anything because if I do he will yell at me. So it the same situation different circumstances. I was upset and suicided like you. I asked God what should i do he said stop asking and i did. It is not easy but God keeps providing for us. I have to buy everything myself for back to school, mortgage, utilities and unlimited bills. Thank God I have a decent job. But it is not still enough. Stella can we help this lady and ready to chip in the little i have. MY DEAR POSTER IT WILL GET BETTER. Have faith. God never fails. No season is forever
ReplyDeleteWhat you are in
DeleteIs not a marriage
You are carrying a liability pretending to be a man
That is true oh. Am thinking of leaving because am tired.
DeleteThis is the reason why I always tell my sisters and friends.
ReplyDeleteIf you insist on spreading legs before marriage, just know that anything that happens is on YOUR OWN HEAD.
It is very very very rare for Nigerian men to take care of their children outside of marriage. Even inside the marriage sef sometimes it's a battle, then is it the ones outside.
Protect yourself in every way imaginable.
Even inside marriage, protect yourself, save for eventualities, HAVE YOUR OWN MONEY.
Only a very foolish woman will enter marriage abs be depending on her husband for everything.
What if something s happen?
Bd financially empowered.
When my son was almost two years I use to back him and sell in the market I have hustle in different ways I have never contemplated suicide for almost 7 years now, my nights sometimes flourish with tears, school has resumed and nothing to start with, the worst of it all is that I lost the business a friend helped me to establish because the caretaker of that place tried to take advantage of me to the point that he beat up my son and made the environment uncomfortable for us. I have hustled in never lost hope nor do I contemplate suicide When there is life there is Hope. God is your strength my dear.
ReplyDeletePoster I think maybe you ll consider govt school, home schooling might not give you the best option reason is a ; you need the free time to hustle till when your child is back from school
ReplyDeleteB; going out seeing people connects you to opportunity,network, and a fresh air out of thinking
C; the interpersonal rshp,bond, exposure your child connects with other kids
So my dear it's not easy but try country is hard , talk to pple a closed mouth is a closed destiny even when pple don't help, continue to ask for job, or opportunity to work , check churches ,mosque if you re a muslim.
May you ll be encouraged with all these advice here and may God in his infinite mercy come through for you make prayer your daily plan I wish you the best