Hmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED
Stella and BVs, please I need advice on the best way to tell my wife that i am no longer Interested in being married and would want to stay friends or lovers.... Whichever she wants but definitely not enemies...
I have only been married for 7 months but i cant do it anymore because this woman does not give me space to be myself or the things i like to do, my quiet time is gone, i cant even sit down to relax on my phone, she will suspect i am chatting with a lady if i dont let her sit near me and read...I cannot even meet with friends again cos she always wants to tag along so all my friends dont always accept my invitation to hang out and i know why....
I have had this convo with her over a 1oo times but she reverts almost at once....
I cant pretend and cant do this anymore.......
I was born abroad and i have made the decision to return to my place of birth and start a life there...All my family is abroad, they all took off just before COVID...
I want to tell her and ask her to file for the divorce while i am gone, i wont tell her that i wont come back but will do so when i am no longer anywhere around her to see her cry or hurting....
I still love her but the love is slowly turning to resentment..I just cannot do this anymore!
How do i tell her? Do i drop the papers and just leave? Please nobody should suggest trying to settle , i dont think i will ever attempt marriage... Thankfully we dont have any kids and she isnt pregnant.
Advice needed please...
If you are convinced that this is what you want, then just leave and drop the papers for her cos trying to explain will cause more hurt and probably verbal altercation...just carry yourself and go since you cannot try to fix whatever is wrong........
Why did you get married in the first place if you cherished your space so much that you now resent your wife?
ReplyDeleteWhy do you now want to abandon her for your family abroad? Did you not remember them when you were getting married to her?
Na wa o.
Poor woman, I hope she somehow sees this and plans accordingly.
Did you see where he wrote that he can't even chat on WhatsApp without she coming to read his chat or accuse him of cheating if she doesn't?
DeleteIs the doing things together you want in your marriage?
I know it's this kind of hypocritical and one sided comments that'll be all over this post so I won't even bother reading..
When it comes to men, you people would be insulting them for the same thing you can't accept a fraction of..
His mistake to me is coming here to ask for advice knowing how most of you reason.. and how you'll find a way to blame and insult him in an attempt to support the insecure and problematic woman..
Within 7 months he has been complaining about the same thing for over 100 times and she's not changing, so he should keep complaining until he dies bah? He knows he can't live with this,. If she's not changing then they should do what's best before it becomes too toxic
When I first got married, I was monitoring my husband very closely too because he was a ladies man in the past and said he repented when he met me. I still wasn't sure of him so I'd sit beside him to peep into his phone etc. He was so irritated that after a while, he gave me his password and anytime a message comes into his phone, he'd ask me to read it aloud to him or he'd place ALL his calls on speaker for me to hear. After a while, I was the one avoiding his phone. He'd leave it with me and go lie down in the room. Once I had this level of access, I lost all interest and curiosity, especially the "please read my message aloud for me to hear." If you love your wife and have nothing to hide, try this method; she'd lose interest, lol.
DeleteDante, why so angry, na you be the poster?
DeleteHe is not that inlove with her, he shouldn’t have married her, she would have also learnt to deal with the trauma she experienced from previous relationships that makes her insecure.
DeleteHe too should have realized that you can’t be married and living single
I have never advised anyone to stay in a marriage where they aren’t happy, “life is too short” is my motto.
He is even feeling nostalgia cus he misses his family, so it’s not about her being clingy, he isn’t interested anymore and that’s fine.
People fall in and out of love and that’s okay.
This doesn’t have to be a gender battle.
Push up (original)
@15:05
DeleteSo long as Poster did not hide his social lifestyle before marriage, the woman appears to be over doing. But the both of them can be helped by proper counselling from balanced older couples, not paper based talk. So Poster may also be over reacting in seeking to run instead of to stand and solve the issue.
Female BVs should remember the post by the woman who complained about almost the same behaviour by her husband and who was eagerly looking on their relocation abroad to finally reset her husband's brain to give her space.
Okay, make I go read the other comments.
Dante I support you on this. Kilode let the poor guy breathe. Marry him marry he no kill person
DeleteAh Mystique. This your first comment / question is some how o. People need their space. I am a woman. I need my space so does my husband. Jeez!
DeleteEven as a woman, I hate anybody clinging to me! I detest it! We came to earth alone, we will leave alone! I love my space!!! Marriage does not mean suffocation. With everything going on in the world right now ,we have the Holy Spirit!No one should turn another person to another to drain them as per he is my partner or she is my partner! Life is per head.
DeleteI wish you can both visit a counselor or you tell her your decision may be that will help her snap out of her insecurities, no one deserves to be choked because of marriage.
ReplyDeleteFelicity
Dear poster
DeleteI get you, sometimes people create this idea of marriage in their heads without wanting to do the work.
Your wife loves to be around you, you are her person, she sees marriage as a safe space, a “my best friend” kind of relationship …she’s overly inlove with you and so clingy.
You on the other hand like your space, you see marriage as a place to be yourself without wanting to compromise, marry someone but still retain all your “single man” lifestyle.
You are both wrong and right,
Right, in the sense that you should always be yourselves at all times. Wrong because this is where compromise should come in, so you can balance each other out.
Like you said, she loves you, it’s obvious she loves you more… if you really feel you can’t do it anymore, both of you should sit down with a professional, say your piece and let it be amicable…
She may hurt for a while, but I’ll rather have an honest spouse that leaves, than a wicked spouse that stays… we love who we love and emotions are not things we can force and No! You are not inlove with her.
Please do not ghost her that thing messes people up psychologically, give her closure that’s why I think you should both end it with a therapist.
Also since you are a citizen, make sure she gets her citizenship, that’s the least you can for her.
Push up (original)
BVs please learn from Pushup.
DeletePush up
DeleteI can't love you less.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Chaii see what insecurity can cause.
ReplyDeleteHow can you not allow someone to BREATHE. Someone needs to tell her all this will not stop a CHEAT.
Poster is not at fault at all.
Serious insecurity.
DeleteSincerely, some women can choke their husbands.
A possessive wife is just as bad as a possessive husband.
ReplyDeletePoter why don't you want to allow her read chats with you. I don't see that as anything bad so long as you are not doing anything bad thing. Sometimes some children come close to me while pressing my phone. They even read SDK with me and even whatapp and every other thing I do with my phone. This is even your wife o, yet she can't cling to you. Didn't you know she is the clingy type before you married her? You made her to start suspecting you because you don't allow her to sit close to you and read chats. I know the desire to read chats with with you cannot be all the time but because you have turned down her request for the first time she now feels there is something you are hiding. The moment she confirms that she is safe with you, you won't see her coming close to your phone again. For now you have given her reasons to suspect you by not allowing her to see your chats. That so unfair to her. She may not really want to read through all the chats but at least let her see small something naaaa... Na wa.
DeleteStella, ghosting on his wife is not the right way. He can separate from her for sometime while she works on her clingy nature.
ReplyDeleteAbsconding without any explanation is a wicked act.
You had the gut to propose marriage and carried out the act, gather same liver and inform her maturely.
Poster
DeletePlease don’t do that.
Marriage is a sacred institution and should be treated as such.
Sit her down and tell her you need a separation so that she can discover herself and work on her insecurities.
She has some trauma that she needs to unpack.
Suggest a counsellor.
You can reply this comment I can recommend one in Lagos
She’s great and can always recommend someone else if her hands are full.
Also how did you miss this before marriage?
And I hope you didn’t do anything to trigger her
Fix this. Don’t run away.
Mma Nwachukwu
I am not the poster, but I am looking for a counsellor in Lagos. Do you mind sharing the person's contact? Thank you.
DeleteWell said Mmachukwu!
DeleteWhy then did you get married, if you want to live like a single man?
ReplyDeleteAccording to him , he still love the lady and wants to remain a friend. Is the lady's attitude that pissed him off. The lady doesn't give him space to be himself and wants 'choke' him with her own insecurity.
DeleteHe had discussed his feeling with her and nothing like change.
When two are in love,be considerate. Adjust some attitudes to avoid unnecessary fight. It takes two to tango .Love is not selfish
According to him , he still love the lady and wants to remain a friend. Is the lady's attitude that pissed him off. The lady doesn't give him space to be himself and wants 'choke' him with her own insecurity.
DeleteHe had discussed his feeling with her and nothing like change.
When two are in love,be considerate. Adjust some attitudes to avoid unnecessary fight. It takes two to tango .Love is not selfish
According to him , he still love the lady and wants to remain a friend. Is the lady's attitude that pissed him off. The lady doesn't give him space to be himself and wants to 'choke' him with her own insecurity.
DeleteHe had discussed his feeling with her and nothing like change.
When two are in love,be considerate. Adjust some attitudes to avoid unnecessary fight. It takes two to tango .Love is not selfish
According to him , he still love the lady and wants to remain a friend. Is the lady's attitude that pissed him off. The lady doesn't give him space to be himself and wants to 'choke' him with her own insecurity.
DeleteHe had discussed his feeling with her and nothing like change.
When two are in love,be considerate. Adjust some attitudes to avoid unnecessary fight. It takes two to tango .Love is not selfish
She is being over possessive.it’s okey to mark territories but when it done without wisdom you end of driving your partner far from you..there’s no two way about it man you need space just travel far for a while let her breath on her own,since that’s like the only issue and you still love her it’s too early in the marriage to think of divorce.let her settle her insecure self and build her self esteem.
DeleteNa Dem!
ReplyDeleteMay our daughters not meet his type. Destiny changers.
May our daughters meet men who are genuinely inlove with them enough to help them peel off the layers of traumas that past relationships may have cost them. Amen
DeletePush up (original)
Don’t drop the papers. Leave and then send the papers
ReplyDeleteI wish you’d threaten her with divorce before actually pulling the chord but as you say make we no talk, no vex i couldn’t help it
Na wa. Just seven months of being married!! I can imagine what it feels like to be choked and the continuous suspicion is draining.
ReplyDeleteWhy is she like that anyway?
Has she always been like this or it just started after marriage?
Did you at any time give her reasons not to trust you?
How long did you guys date for?
Sluttychic.
7 months??
ReplyDeleteHey God.
1)Was she like this while dating?
2)Can you please ask her what her fear is. ?
3)Could it be it was a distant relationship so you didn't see this part?
Everybody should marry their type. Opposite attracts can choke you sometimes.
I understand, because I like my space a whole lot. I don't know what I'll do if I end up with a clingy person.
Talk to her, explain yourself in small small English. Like how you would explain to a 3 or 5 years old.
Tell her, why you need your space.
All these my husband and I share I brush because we're so close team members have schooled her. It is well.
Married people should give you advice
Sometimes, "you go explain taya". Pardon my use of the slang.
DeleteWhat some people need personal life experienced based counselling.
Then, Poster must ask himself and answer that his hands are clean.
By the way, I am a man.
This is wickedness sha. Why robe her in knowing fully well you're not the marrying type. May she find someone better who will give her the companionship she desires.
ReplyDeleteChoking is not companionship!
DeleteI can't stand a clingy person and I'm a woman by the way!
Marriage is 2 individuals deciding to live together in love, not in prison. Not in a choke-hold!!!
You sha suppose add readers description, abi na wetin dem dey call am.
ReplyDeleteUna dey make person fear marriage. Ah! God abeg o
When a boy gets married...
ReplyDeleteY'all GenZ think marriage is a joke.
You got married and still hang out with friends and do the things you did as a bachelor. If your wife keeps clubbing and hanging out with her friends, buy aso ebi and travel to other states for parties, then stay for days, go on vacation with her sugar daddy( if she had one ) etc, how would you feel? Yeye man. Just fly away already. Ewu!
As for those who are still single, just know that in marriage, it's no longer only you, the two of you are now one, you can't do things alone anymore except to shit inside toilet.
If you can't share your space and other things with your partner, don't marry.
I like this comment except for the insult, if you are not ready to leave others to cleave to your wife or husband as the case may be why marry in the first place?
DeleteExactly
DeleteIt’s not longer only “you”
There’s no “you” in marriage
There is an “us”
Marriage is very different from dating
Compromise except you are not inlove again, then move on.
Push up (original)
Marriage is not suppose to be a prison.
DeleteA female BV complained of same behaviour here some months ago. No insults fly.
He can't even take that from the wife. The chronicle would have been ''my wife prefers to hangout with friends instead of me, she hates to go out with me..."
DeleteA man came online to share his concerns about his marriage and the first thing you did was to shame him and call him a boy.
DeleteWhy do you act this way? Why do you shame men for speaking out about issues that affect them?
Why not tackle the issue head on. Why do you have to ridicule him first?
Your attitude and approach is very bad. Change it....it won't take you to heaven.
Exactly. I don't understand all the comments of "i still want my space while married" I'm seeing. It's just 7mths of marriage and the novelty of newly weds hasn't even worn off. They don't even have kids to take away her time. I don't blame her for being clingy. Me that's even with a child and another on the way love chewing gumming my husband whenever I can, who I wan gist with? Na una know una idea of marriage sha
DeleteOga poster, oya go your abroad jare. She will meet the man that will appreciate her for who she is.
Are you homosexual?
ReplyDeleteI think he is
DeleteI thought so too @anon 15:24
DeleteVery possible, especially since he was born abroad...
DeleteShooter goal when na all ways she Dey swing de call person homo.
DeleteShooter girl...you live in his house to know he is?
DeleteSigh. Any man who comes to sdk to table his issue is just asking to be shamed without any reason whatsoever.
You all ignored the bad attitude of his wife and shaming the guy.
All of Una the same!
Your wife's behaviour is the end result of internalising the stuff you read on SM, and in the comments section of blogs.
ReplyDeleteIf you lack discernment, whereby you cannot make your own assertions, but rather take everything you read as fact...then this is how you'll behave in marriage too.
You will never be at peace. You will always be on edge, waiting for your man to "stain your white" and/or cheat on you, because that what thousands and millions of women say online.
GBAM!!! My friend, a good christian, is beginning to harbour little seeds of resentment towards his wife and it's all because of what you stated above. She's a subordinate at work, extremely beautiful and hardworking but a typical Gen Z, social media hound. I keep trying to tell her, it's not about you anymore, look at your husband, understand him and in time you will own his mumu buttons.... I pray people understand that S.M has become both a blessing but also a terrible evil.
Deleteas for the Poster, there;s sense but also immaturity in what he posted. She Won't completely change. You'll need to live with it....however, maybe a shock separation might make her have sense but, I'll hold off on the divorce talk for now except maybe as a strategic threat tool.
Abi?
DeleteOnce again, you made go points.
*good points
DeleteGod, I hope I will never be in this poster's shoes. I hope my future hubby won't be clingy and give me the space I need.
ReplyDeletePoster, there's something called "Living apart together", why not try it before filing for a divorce?
It involves couples who are fully committed to each other, love each other very much but live at separate addresses but in the same neighborhood. It has reportedly saved many marriages.
I have been here before but one day,I told my wife to sit down and told her in the clearest terms that I will leave and she’ll never see me again if she didnt stop all the nonsense.This one literally isolated me from friends and helpers but after that day,she stopped o.I told her I won’t care about the kids and that if they find me when they grow up fine and if not we move.she quickly reset her brain
ReplyDeletePoster try this style!!!
DeleteNa wa o. Allow people be themselves. Why would you isolate your spouse just cos you married them? Not a healthy style of living.
DeleteSluttychic.
Oh. Such poor child. You thought marriage is for children? For unprepared people?
ReplyDeleteFor most situations in marriage, some other person must have gone through similar and handled it with wisdom. Situations in marriage are hardly unique.
All i see is a lazy, selfish and overly immature individual. How did your wife not spot all the signs of your immaturity in you before marrying you?
Thank God indeed you don't have children. They will be most unfortunate. Mr. I need my space. Space kee u dia.
Be a man and ask her for a divorce right to her face! You do that lady no favor by marrying her. She deserves better.
😂🤣I know this isn’t funny but w reach to laugh 😂
DeleteYour name and comment match very well
DeleteThank God for mature men.
DeleteDon't mind him.
DeleteHahahaha!!! You’re so annoyed
Delete@ dog Almighty. This is the absolute best comment. Most of the comments here reek of foolishness and selfishness.
DeleteIn most cases, you all make your partner feel unsafe and insecure, then blame them for their insecurities.
We haven't heard side of the story. He may have given her cause to be this way. His mode of writing and thought process says it all. I can sense excuses to cover up the real reason.
She is better off without him.
Stella, it is cowardice to let him leave her a note. Let him face his final 'battle' as a man.
Show her this your post along with the comments. I believe that will make her understand the frustration her actions have been causing you. She will adjust and do better as a result.
ReplyDeleteGood advice. Very good.
DeleteWickedness 🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶
ReplyDeleteSeems you still wanna play, but she's keeping tabs on you... She don't have a job?
ReplyDeleteI dont like clingy people either.
On a second note: marry your type.
Marry your type,that is just it! To avoid future problem
DeleteWill she give you space to buy the ticket to leave?
ReplyDeleteLmaoooooo
DeleteShe go dey peep as he dey try book the ticket
Poster how you take email stella abeg 🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteAnon 17:25 abeg leave me oooo..😀😀 maybe he enter toilet to email stella..
DeleteHahahahahahahahaha. Very valid question.
DeleteSluttychic.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Delete😂 😂 😂. Instead of addressing the root of the problem, guyman wan run comot, talking about they can be lovers or friends. That abroad you dey run go, even if you remain single, people dey wey fit carry gun blow person head commot unto sey dem suspect small thing for relationship. Abi na only prostitutes you go dey patronise? A real man does not run away from his problem but faces them head on. I recommend counseling for you both, because there is also a flaw in your reasoning.
DeleteLmaoooo
DeletePoster don't you think you are a very selfish man like this?
ReplyDeleteJust because of "my space" you want to break somebody you care to love?
Didn't you see all these traits while you were dating or where you at a gun point when you engaged her and said I do at the alter or registry?
This isn't fair at all.
With couple therapy and proper communication you both can resolve this.
You were never ready for marriage yet you signed the dotted line.
Poster leave already before you cause more damage. Leave her a letter explaining your decision.
Your wife too will learn her lessons, cos being married doesn't mean your partner can't have freedom of expression anymore.
You began to look for trouble where there is no trouble now see what you are looking for.
Hmm women this is an eye opener o, don't in anyway coerce any man to marry you.
Nothing one can do to please human.
Na God hand we dey.
Him don taste wetin him wan taste, run comot.
DeleteShe is clingy, suffocating and insecure. I can only imagine how you feel. Boundaries are important in life, friendship and marriage!
ReplyDeleteI remember a woman once brought a similar situation to the blog and most women on here except a few advised her to thank her stars that she had a husband who still had the hots for her despite years of marriage. This woman if I remember was planning on cutting off from her husband after relocating. Just like you, she had no friends, and she couldn't go anywhere alone without her husband following her like a lost puppy. He even made sure she had no job and she worked from home. He will be at work and be doing a video call with her to watch her movements. If I can find the chronicle, I will post it here.
I won't even ask you if you are giving her reasons to suspect you because people like her only create the reason in their heads and no matter the transparency you show them they will always doubt you.
I can never advise you to stay because I for one cannot stand clingy and suffocating people. Do what is best for your sanity and don't let anyone cage you due to their insecurity.
Love is not selfish and draining.
##Marriage not imprisonment#
Very well said....
DeleteWhy will someone be so clingy. I can't deal. Poster do you. Do what's best for your mental health.
Poster, ur wife no get work? I can't deal with abeg.
I dont completely agree with you.
DeleteYou all give space too much importance in relationship. It is a breeding ground for worse things.
Some partners face time each other from work and other places. They enjoy talking to themselves.
Some other people will call it clingy.
Your wife probably had childhood trauma and so is possessive with you. This is because she feels you are hers and is afraid of loosing you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are tired already.
But this is why courtship is encouraged so you get to know the person and what they are capable of doing. Even though some people hide it nicely.
This is a clear case of insecurity and something happened to cause this. She may not even be aware of how bad it is.
When you leave pls tell her why, so that she can get therapy and work on herself.
How well do you know her? Maybe you should ask questions from her friends and relatives and you will get to the bottom of it. Give if a good shot before you walk away.
When you come into someone's life you should leave them better than when you met them If possible.
What I see is a case of a man who didn't consider the fact that one looses a huge chunk of privacy when married AND living together. There's nothing wrong with craving personal space in any type of relationship. In fact, I personally encourage it. Have and nurture your personal interests outside of your partner because you had a life before him/her. And you happened to have married a clingy woman.and though it's annoying, I don't think it's enough to break up a marriage.
ReplyDeleteHave a talk with her. Please don't ghost her or take the cowardly way out. Maybe she's just caught up in the euphoria of being married and still in the honeymoon phase. I promise you when you have one heavy argument she wouldn't even want to be around you.
I get the idea that you never really wanted to be married but did it for whatever reason. Whatever you do, please be kind in your approach. It's okay to not want to be married anymore, but since you made that choice, you owe her kindness in whatever decision you make.
All the best!
This life ehnn, some marry the one wey no send them at all.
DeleteGood advice
DeleteI really wish you can make it work. No marriage is perfect. While not be separated for a while and if you still feel the same way, then you can dhl the paperwork for your divorce to her. Don’t be in a hurry, just because you want to be free and hang out with your friends. It’s really lonely at the top as you grow older, and you need your family to fall back to.
ReplyDeleteHis type can never make it work with her. He is selfish! He only loves himself.
DeleteHer not giving him space aside. This man is selfish. He doesn't want solutions.
She will work on egg shells throughout.
Na wa o....so because your friends stopped inviting you to outings because of your wife, you want to divorce her. You know what they say, show me your friends and i will tell you who you are. Decent friends wont un-invite you for outings because you carry your wife along. It just shows that those your friends do a lot of rubbish when they all go out together like maybe cover up for each other when dem wan carry side chick. That's the rubbish that is going on in lagos right now. No form of decency for themselves or families. Honestly, all what you have listed down is not a basis for you to divorce your wife but since that's is what you want....man up and tell her to her face! Since those your so called 'friends' were there when you were born and will be there for you when you die, MARRY THEM instead. ODE OSHI
ReplyDeleteNot just Lagos. Na everywhere. Some men are team married but live single. Most marriages need time to adjust and get it's true rhythm and flow because different individuals are coming together. So it is not the best to japa at the beginning without working on things, except there is domestic violence.
DeleteGo back and read @15:29
DeleteAbegi o! No be everywhere dem dey carry wife go.
If every husband carry their wives to every meeting with friends, some wives will respect their husbands more and some wives will not stay longer or accept money given by some husbands. And that is not saying the money is gotten illegally o. It is just like a husband following his wife to beauty palours. Surely, the wife will hear ear full.
So if I want to hangout with my female friends, my husband should always tag along? For what?!?! What manner of insecurity and joblessness is that? If any of my friends does that, me sef will stop inviting her out.
DeleteThe way some of you take marriage ehn, na wa!
THANK YOU O.. FRIENDS THIS, FRIENDS THAT.
DeleteThe man is EXAGGERATING
DeleteDo not ghost her, that's not nice. Be a man and tell her to her fsce.
ReplyDeleteI think he tried to work it out, he mentioned that he has spoken to her 100 times. It’s unfortunate that people carry insecurities from past dealings and they really do not know. Marriage is really not like this, personal space is very important. Poor man, this will make him not venture into marriage again even when he finds the right one. Na wa!
ReplyDeleteKaren
7 months is not really trying sha
DeleteHe needs to calm the heaven down
I don't know why newly married women do this. Honestly, can never with me. I hate clinginess in relationships. You obviously had a life before you met me with friends and all. I understand the need to always be together but there's such a thing as too much.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is not a prison but an avenue for new experiences. Individually and collectively. Couples please learn this.
Jealousy, clinginess, snooping, pettiness all destroy relationships.
Some of you will come out here and say you do everything with your partner which may be the truth but every once in a while, ask your partner what they really want
Everyday, it can never be you, it can never be you. Keep quiet.
DeleteIt is either you are not married or your partner does not even like you and stays away from you.
7months in marriage is a honeymoon period and clinginess is expected.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
May she mature during the separation and your coming back together be greater. 🙏🏾
ReplyDeleteSeems she has trust issue or being over jealous. I'm imagining how she will handle the news. I don't want to hear a case of jumping into lagoon or suicide attempt like sad news I heard past weeks. As you have made up your mind I suggest you drop a note, as you said that you don't want to hear ' settle'.
ReplyDeleteSeems she has trust issue or being over jealous. I'm imagining how she will handle the news. I don't want to hear a case of jumping into lagoon or suicide attempt like sad news I heard past weeks. As you have made up your mind I suggest you drop a note, as you said that you don't want to hear ' settle'.
ReplyDeleteI doubt that if you hadn't shown signs of unfaithfulness, she would be this suspicious and if so, it is not completely her fault; you sowed a seed in her mind which she can't shake off. Since you are not interested in mediation, please never marry again, or go be with a woman who is ok with an open relationship or isn't jealous at all even when her intuition is screaming otherwise. You neither have the patience nor the understanding to be in a marital relationship so please stay single. Adieu!
ReplyDeleteMadam , pls pls pls, fix your phone. Wetin na?
DeleteSeems she has trust issue or being over jealous. I'm imagining how she will handle the news. I don't want to hear a case of jumping into lagoon or suicide attempt like sad news I heard past weeks. As you have made up your mind I suggest you drop a note, as you said that you don't want to hear ' settle'.
ReplyDeleteBros. You are MARRIED. Bachelor life is gone. Get this and have peace. Even if you leave her and marry another person tomorrow you will still not aways have your space. She will always be in your space. Sevwny months is a short time to write off a marriage. A little and sincere communication can fix this but you already said you don't want to fix it. I can imagine her pain after getting married for 7 months and watch her marriage crash. She will be fine.
ReplyDeleteYes, there is an immaturity of expectations on his part. Most couples do a lot of things together. People who crave aloneness have no business getting married, especially if they can’t afford a mansion on a large estate where a lot of physical space exists. How you going to avoid someone in a two or three bedroom place. If you did not establish sleeping arrangements and time alone protocols beforehand then do not expect your spouse to know these things.
DeleteA lot of men love that clingyness during courtship, it makes them feel loved and wanted, like the only man in the world for their person. Now fast forward the glow has worn off and suddenly he cannot handle the very thing he craved before and want a divorce. Imagine, a whole divorce for what he nurtured and desired previously.
Love reading your comments@Zaram. But we all speak from our own individual experience. Have you seen where a woman picks her man's phone and redial all numbers he dialed during the day? If any call is picked by a woman, trouble for the woman whether she is a 75 years old great-grand-mother who asked for a quote from the man or a distant cousin or a friend. May you never be called like that by such a woman. He/she wearing the shoes knows where it pinches.
Delete19:48, so there are women who do this? If I receive a call like that, she will regret why she dialed my number for a very long time.
DeleteSluttychic.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm sorry but this made me laugh so hard. Baba be calming down. A large percentage of newly married actually feel this way you are feeling. It's normal but that doesn't call for divorce. Were you thinking marriage is a bed of roses? In marriage you share everything. You are lucky she's not following you when you go to the t..let.
ReplyDeleteLook I'm not making excuses for your wife, neither am I saying her behavior is right. Wanting a divorce because of what you state up there is wrong. I will advise you to start putting your feet down. If she wants to go through your phone say no. If she wants to follow you out when she's not supposed to, say no. If she nags, go out and come back when she's calm. Speak exactly how you feel to her without being agressive nor disrespectful. Common sense will make her adjust very soon and you will thank yourself for not getting divorced. She's still like that because you don't follow your talks with action, you are scared to see her hurt but truth is she won't be hurt forever.
Kindly cancel that divorce thought, it's not yet that serious. Try to work on your marriage before babies start coming.
Measured and well said.
DeleteThis!
DeleteNo court will even grant you divorce after just seven months of marriage in Nigeria,and not on these reasons you have given even if you have reached the two year mark for being able to file for divorce. I would suggest you ask her for a separation pending when you can file for a divorce. The period apart may grant you both clarity and /or reset her brain. You can set the conditions for the separation too,such as limited communication between you two. You say you still love her but just need your space,right? Don't break her heart by asking for a divorce outright,give her a chance to get her acts together. You have talked to her a 100times without any chance,a separation pending divorce if no changes may just work better. And let her get therapy while at it. I suspect they might be other issues at play here and she may be able to work through her issues with the help of a professional therapist.
ReplyDeleteBut please,don't just abandon her like that. This is your wife we are talking about here and not a girlfriend.
Why did you get married? You need to sit down and write down why you decided to get married to her. You could propose separating for a while if you are only trying to make her change her ways but still care for her. Going straight to divorce seems extreme. If you must, have a talk with her and do it face to face. Writing her a letter or abandoning her here and running out of the country is very wicked. If you know she will be better off in the country of your birth, have a talk with her that you can help her go over as your spouse but you will then divorce. She can start a new life over there and without her family and friends/neighbors even aware of the divorce until she is ready to share. Your relationship may even wax stronger if you relocate because everyone will be busy hustling. Bottomline, don't run away and ask her to go and file for divorce. The shock may drive her to suicide.
ReplyDeleteGod please come through for this two...
ReplyDeleteI no won hear another suicide story abeg 🙏
These*
DeletePoster no need to sit her down and discuss your decision cos this will cause more fight. Just drop the papers and walk away since she refused to allow you have rest of mind.
ReplyDeleteI dislike it when people cannot give others some space cos they are married. If you are gone she will learn her lesson in a hard, you said you both has discussed it several times but yet she refused to let go.
😲😳🤯
ReplyDeleteDear Poster! The things that we love tell us what we are.....This broke my heart, please done leave like that except you don't love her enough, no one is perfect, why don't you sit her down and have a heart felt discussion with her? Don't leave like that, it will break her to pieces, I think she loves you and is afraid of loosing you, I know you want your space but family is everything, iam not saying you shouldn't hang out with friends once in a while, but not all the time. When the wind blows, you won't see them, only your wife will be there for you, a married man must have boundaries...if this is her only offence, then I think you can work it out with a therapist instead of running away from your problem, she won't forgive if you do that.
ReplyDeleteYou're not ready for marriage. All the excuses you gave are flimsy. Just 7 months o. Usually, both of you should still be in honeymoon -mode; bonding and knowing each other more. Scatter your marriage and move on with friends nah. May God help the poor lovergirl to cope with the rejection.
ReplyDeleteImagine when pikin land. Poster, please please please DO NOT have kids until you understand what it entails. If you are complaining about a clingy wife, image having a baby that cannot be left unsupervised and is 100% dependent on you for EVERYTHING.
DeletePoster, not all marriages are like that. I am a lady and I can totally relate. Clingy partners can choke the life out of a relationship. Wasnt she this way while you were courting? no signs at all. Is she working? if she is not let her get a job. Also encourage her to make friends and hang out with them. If you are going out go alone if she throws tantrums ignore her. Try this for a month and see how it goes. If it doesnt work out then take a walk. Do not give up on marriage. Date and marry ambitious women that are chasing career goals. Those ones dont have time for all you mentioned above. Their lives doesnt revolve around men and they are more confident and secure. Your wife is insecure and clingy.
ReplyDeletePpl who are clingy can’t really hide it, so I am shocked that someone like you who values your space so much did not see the red flags.
ReplyDeleteWhy not do a trial separation first, With a commitment from her that during the separation she will be in therapy. She may have some form of abandonment issue. Give her the chance at healing, you said you love her so help her if you do. After the separation and her going to consistent therapy session then go back to living together and see how things are. Divorce is a drastic and final act and there is no guarantee that you will not regret your decision one day. There is a spiritual punishment for abandoning a spouse without good reason, do not fall afoul of spiritual laws. Please do your best to help her as her husband. Her matter needs professional help that just telling her how you feel won’t fix. Get her into therapy!
Gay o
ReplyDeleteYou want to divorce your wife of seven months because of clinginess? You never loved her, I pray this will not break her and cause issues in her future relationship or marriage.
ReplyDeleteThis kind of woman will get married tomorrow and will lack how to love her husband because of past issues, she will be walking on eggshells so that they will not say she's clingy, and her husband will be complaining that she's not loving or caring.
God, I pray if marriage eventually comes, let me be married to a guy that I'm compatible with (AMEN).
It's not a thing that should cause actual divorce. You can talk about the divorce as a scare for her to understand the seriousness of the matter.
ReplyDeleteI understand how unpleasant not giving one breathing space is but it doesn't require ghosting her
The question is,why is she this way? Why is she so insecure? Did someone cheat on her? Personally, I don't think this is enough grounds for divorce. Your wife needs help. She needs therapy for whatever trauma that has caused this.
ReplyDeletePoster, please it is too early to speak of seperationp. Your marriage is still 7 months. Can't you give her orders as a man. Do it with a firm voice and let her know that you are tired of her clingy attitude and you will leave if this continues. First 2 years of marriage can be somehow for some people, I know you will be fine. Please dont divorce her, it has not gotten to that. Peace
ReplyDeleteI remember this pastor that committed suicide because his fiance broke his heart and I know it's never easy , you even considering to japa and leave her to her fate is an act of wickedness, she got married just like all couple whatever decision you want to take tell her ,
ReplyDeleteThe guy has wicked tendencies.
DeletePeople are talking about space. Mschew.
He said he want to be LOVERS or friends.
Una no read the greed in that statement.
The guy wants the benefits and perks of marriage without the responsibilities. Immaturity. She is clingy, if you truly love her, as the head of the home continue talking to her and get her help, counselling or therapy. Are you really open with her?
DeleteYou both should be in therapy. You haven't even begun to face real life up and downs, with kids, health and other life issues, you already wan japa. You think life is a ball where you continuously hang out and enjoy with friends? Na when challenges come you go know who your true friends be, na then you go want dis ya same spouse to support you. Grow up!
How clingy is she? Does she come to your office? Does she follow you around? It’s just 7 months and you are always on your phone when you guys are together, why? I know your type, you are trying to make her look bad for loving you. Please tell her you want out and I hope and pray she will find someone that will really love and appreciate her.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU OOOOOO
DeleteBro,
ReplyDeleteSo long as your hands are clean from cheating or anything bad for your wife, seek counseling from older couples. Discuss with your parents or Uncles/Aunts. They can always counsel or arrange for you both to be counselled directly or indirectly with parables during arranged visits.
But if you have anything to hide. For examples, extramarital women, "Nigerian accepted" sources of income, which your wife will not accept because of her well trained conscience, alternative or closet lifestyles, please drop the woman gently. This is because nothing pains a woman or man in marriage more than to be proved right after being assured that initial intuitions or suspicions were baseless. And maybe, by then children would be in the equation.
Do not act in haste or cool rage. Re-weigh your options objectively as possible and take the action that is the best for you and your wife.
Best wishes and regards to your beloved wife.
Mr. Mann
In situations like this I think give the person what they want and let them rest. Donny drag with her. Call her when you want to text or cal or whatever
ReplyDeleteEven tell her to answer the phone for you sometimes
You are acting distant and she knows something is up. She just doesn’t know how to fix it
poster,hope you are not gay?cos this is not an excuse ooo.
ReplyDeleteGen Z marriage. Even cooking indomie takes longer.
ReplyDelete1. Marriage is not for everybody and that's ok.
ReplyDelete2. Marry your kind, opposite can be your kind too, depending...
3. 'Ghosting' is passive aggressive behaviour.
4. 'Closure' can help ease emotional pain but closure too is overrated.
5. The first 1 year of marriage can be the hardest, it is not an indicator that the marriage is a bad one.
6. Deal with your personal traumas/insecurities to an appreciable level before entering into marriage with anyone.
7. I wish you the best in whatever decisions you take poster.
Leo Inspired!
While you have a personal reason for dissolution, but it is not valid enough. It's more like you think this marriage of a thing is a joke. You can't nullify a marriage on the basis of "she is too clingy" and "always suspecting". Marriage is a very important institution in any society and the default approach in any human set up is how to save a marriage from crumbling rather than how do we help it end because marriage starts a family and family is bedrock of civilisation. So no judge will end this marriage for a long time to come. If you file under the described circumstances, the end wouldn't be straightforward except on the basis of abandonment and that's if she initiates it after some specific period. What I am saying is if you are the one who initiates the divorce, then go away, using this method you are thinking about, it won't be approved.
ReplyDeleteSorry for focusing on the technicalities but I just don't want you to shoot yourself in the foot and be stuck in a marriage based on technicalities. Why not tell her directly before you leave and then let her be tired and be prepared in her mind for the dissolution.
Ordinarily, I would have preferred to start talking about what the problem is, how can we help you guys work...but it seems your mind is already made up.
So sorry she's putting you through this. I know the feeling but did you do anything to make her always suspect your moves. Are you sure she hasn't tapped your device and even this chronicle, she has received an automated BCC for any email you send.
But where are you rushing to? Is this how you run from every uncomfortable situation in your life? You sound to me like you just want to end the entanglement and quickly dash back to your family. You sound like you are in a hurry to somewhere or someone or something else. This isn't normal behaviour o. Something fishy is going on and anyone who listens to you, will feel this way I feel. You just got married 7 Mo ago and you say you don't want again, no cheating, no valid reason to end marriage just say you are tired. You guys haven't even started and you are running away. Is this how you would keep running? It's not that easy to end a marriage. What do you think will be the impression of your parents and any other reasonable adult? Sounds surreal to me.
As I said at the start, I know how you feel but as an experienced person and married, I can only speak to you from the position of fairness which I have just done but deep down, please feel free to make yourself happy. (Do you know many counsellors, either professional or religious wish they can just take sides and support people when they see the BS served by the other person? But their position in society will not allow them to).
Nobody has the right to police others to the point of frustration. Nobody has the right to frustrate their partners with things they have told you about. And for those ones here who are like this, whether male or female, I hope you can see the results when we sometimes push others to the wall. This lady will say it's love and protecting her marriage. She will say "I just wanted to hang out with you in the early stages" but he has said he doesn't want it. He's even bold enough to do what many can't do when they are in similar situations, so please do what you want but don't make it a habit to always run from uncomfortable situations or you would run for the rest of your life.
Finally, handle things correctly, this can just have k-leg for you a few years down the line whether here in Nigeria or abroad.
Wish you all the best.
°C
Please you need counseling DONT do that to her please! You can make her so shocked she might kill herself please since you still love her your relationship can still be redeemed! Go for counseling please!!! She will change if she gets correct counseling
ReplyDeleteLove ke? I am wondering the type of love. Abi na lust? Because he doesn't mind them still remaining lovers and friends. See reasoning.
DeleteMarriage is work and walk, with an interchanging rollovers of adjustments and compromise. Yet, there's still a thin line between clinginess and possessiveness. Dear poster, I guess that is your turn off and dealbreaker in relationships.
ReplyDeleteThe opposite of your predicament is deep resentment. Whatever takes away your peace of mind and happiness, is not worth it. As someone who likes her space as well, it can be suffocating when some habitually breaks that boundary. We are all structured different, so it is either you two didn't date quite enough to get to understand each other ways and appraise your compatibilities. Or dated blindly.
No easy way about this but since you have made up your mind to leave, kindly leave without confrontation. Because there's a likelihood of it not going well. Do what feels right the most.
You see this poster at this stage of this complain the resentment is on a high degree,poster pls tell her family complain to them this is what their daughter is doing and you re planning to travel abroad , whatever it is tell her and her family of her insecurities, you trying to abandonher if na you ,how will you feel don't carry that wickedness tag , don't make yourself to be known as that man that traveled abroad without telling his wife that it's over, she will quickly get over it than you not telling her, I wonder what happened cos she just married maybe she don't have friends, and at this honeymoon phase all she knows is you.
ReplyDeleteDo you watch film together, Netflix ,play game toge, Whit , scrabble, monopoly game, if you do this and some times you hang out with friends, believe me her clinginess will reduce .
Whatever you want to do tell her I'm just feeling for her knowing that you don't want her again, she will forever feel like she is cursed, she failed I pray she don't enter depression or commit suicide.
So on her behalf I pray she heals from whatever decision you decide to take , peace to you and whatever space and freedom you want to enjoy
Sounds like someone who doesn’t want to be married. If you can’t communicate your feelings to your wife, then why are you even married? There’s no such thing like divorcing but continuing to be lovers. This isn’t a relationship where you break up and become friends with benefits. It’s better to divorce ASAP with you full chest before you have kids.
ReplyDeleteYou are not the marrying kind. Don’t force it. Look for someone who has the same mindset as you
Hmmm🤔poster your mind seems made up, you only asked for advice on how to leave a 7 month bride for “clinging” & many advisers are blaming the woman based on your story. I have been married for over 30 years. In the last 5 years, cell phone has replaced a lot of the quality time we spend together to the point I jokingly call his phone his 2nd wife then he drops it or hands it over so we can do something together like scrabble or movie as there is no hidden agenda such as an affair or porn addiction. If your “sole reason” is what you stated, note that “couples who deal with excessive phone use are less happy in. marriage than others. Only 60% married adults whose spouse is often on the phone (59%) say they are “very happy” with their marriage vs 81% of those who don't struggle with this issue” Poster these aren’t 7 month marriages but at least over a year brides! Should she be vacuuming the same spot while you sit on your phone watching what or chatting who with just 2 of you at home & hormones raging?
ReplyDelete“ excessive phone usage not only decreases marital satisfaction, but contributes to ….depression, even more concerning is that 86% of American adults constantly check their devices for SM updates, email, text messages”
1. You were raised abroad, 🇺🇸 Gen Zs, mostly “live” on their phones, work emails, texts, Reddit, fishbowl, even playing virtual reality games across states & cities, many Gen Zs (27 & below) cannot do without it even while eating” Some rehab centers are offering treatment for phone/device addiction as it makes you feel less need for human interaction. No offense poster, how old are you? I don’t want to assume you are a GenZ if you are not.
2. Did you grow up in the west or in 🇳🇬 since you said your family is abroad, are you looking down on your wife as some derisively call those who grew up in Naija with accents “FOBs (fresh off the boats”? Unions between those born or raised here can be challenging regardless of how many vacations spent here. Did you really love her or married to please your parents?
3. You said “you won’t marry again”… that’s deep for just 7 months, no cheating, no violence marital experience. The phase of marriage you are in is the “clinging phase”. In fact many guys want it, flaunting their new brides. They can’t keep their hands off her. Is it me or do I sense condescension? Do you think she doesn’t measure up as you were born abroad”? Interestingly kids of 🇳🇬 descent born AND raised in 🇺🇸 are mostly not stuck up towards those from Naija heritage as we mostly raised them to love their identity since the loss of identity created problems in the African American communities. !
4. As an older married woman I advise you to read the stats, if there is no deeper reason of sexual preference which may make a clinging new bride “irritate you”, I suggest you go for Counseling.
No offense as this isn’t the popular view but I think YOU are the problem in this 7 month marriage. Her behavior is not as uncommon as “keyboard psychiatrists & psychologists” make it seem since it’s just 2 of you at home with no kids yet. We literally turned every part of our apartment to bedrooms before kids arrived as we were always together! Why do you think absent fertility challenges 1st & 2nd births are usually very close? Most guys in love won’t even get their hands off her but I don’t know if you love or are attracted to her! Be honest with yourself, if you won’t make the girl happy in life, then please free her. There is a lot many do on the cell phone these days that they hide. Your spouse is your accountability partner in your journey in life.
You exaggerated the clinging as if she doesn’t work, cook, do chores etc! Are you ashamed of her because you “were born abroad”? Do you feel you are better, because you are not!
Search your heart & follow your heart as nothing will sway you to stay with her as you said! Please don’t torment her at such a young age but be HONEST with her. God knows & he will heal her broken heart.
Apt
DeleteKING XOXO MYSTERY