Is Omugwo a necessity?Which of the mothers must visit when the baby is born? Can the wife say she does not want Omugwo?
Those of you who have had Omugwo should tell us if the Omugwo was with your mum or mum in law and if it went well or went South...You should also tell us if you agreed to an Omugwo or if you rejected to have one..
I read an article somehwere about how Omugwo scattered a Marriage of two years with both Mothers in law on war path and the couple no longer on talking terms..
Let's gist!
Omugwu is very necessary but I think it's by choice not by force. The person to come for the omugwu depends on one's tribe, like the yoruba's it's the mother in law, while the igbo's it's your own mother.
ReplyDeleteIt still boils down to choice.
My own omugwu went well and I will surely tell my labour room drama and omugwu stories one day.
Nothing is cast in stone in yoruba land oh, my mum came for mine, spent 9 months (lockdown period), my mum in law came afterwards and spent about 2 months too.
DeleteMy mum will still be the one to come first with my next kid, we are all yorubas and no bad blood anywhere, my mum inlaw did not drag that with me or my mum.
Omugwo is an Igbo term and culture. There is nothing like omugwo in Yoruba in fact the word “omugo” without the “w”means a fool in Yoruba land so let young folks of other ethnicity beware of cultural DOMINANCE. Omugwo is not a word my mom with about a dozen grandchildren or siblings would even know the meaning of as the word and the context of buying gifts and giving a grandma money for coming to care for her grandchild does not exist like that in my culture. Not everyone is Igbo but every culture gives birth and have their practices. I notice there is so much assumption that everyone is Igbo in these conversations or that everyone has appropriated or accepted the Igbo culture. No. 200 ethnicities have their culture even if they are not in control of SM conversations.
DeleteTraditionally it's the husband's mother that supposed to come but ideally I think the wife's mom should be the best.
ReplyDeleteIt is in Nigeria they make it compulsory especiallythe igbos, if you were abroad would you ship your omugworrian in even if there was no means!
Which tradition? Igboland na wife mother oo.
DeleteHaha. Anony 14:42
DeleteIn Igbo land, it's the woman's mom.
All the time my siblings arrange a lot of things with DH then move Mumsie over,it's always fucking expensive in dollars though but hey we got each other.
Then when I berth in naija, hubby's eldest sister in Lekki used to come first then my mom joins up depending on her location if she missed flying over because we had clashing dates as per too many ladies wey she born,omugwo must dey someplace then my mummy in-law comes last.
What do they do?
Dress up very well,attend to baby's hygience, place baby on laps and be gisting. Sister in law cooks every every.
They toucheth nothing,only supervising once baby is bathed.
Domestic assistance yakpaaa.
My job is to sleep, breastfeed and receive massage.
Haha.
Which woman rejects omugwo? I don't gerrit.
If you don't have relations,please your church members are enough.
Sufferhead is not good.
Sorry Miss Ess. Is the woman's mother that has Omugwu.
DeleteLike my sisters and brothers the husband mother will go immediately if not that day, the next day to assist the woman that put to bed for one week or two enable the woman's mother to prepare herself and home before coming to spend one, two or three months omogwu depending on the couple capacity.
To me is a must do stuff. That's the joy every mother has when her grandchild comes.
Issue of mother/ mother in-law scattering home is caused by the wife or husband.
I rest my case
Omugwo is an Igbo term and culture, like strict payment of significant bride price. I’m of Yoruba ancestry any of the moms can come though women prefer their moms. I just have a question, how about women who are high level executives, professionals or business owners still working and are not retired? You can hire a professional help. My oldest was given his first birth at home by an expatriate neighbor in Lagos before my mom and mom in law arrived. Both of them stayed for months the next time so post natal care now adopted by all Nigerians as omugwo can be done by anyone the couple, especially the wife are comfortable with including a paid nurse aide here.
DeleteMy prayer has always been to marry an understanding husband because, I'll really want my mum to be there for me when I give birth, it is only my mum that can really understand me. Only one's relatives can be patience with someone
ReplyDeleteLook in the direction of your church members and friends too.
DeleteThe concept of Omugwo is for the nursing mother to get enough rest and help from who is coming to stay as of that period..
ReplyDeleteIt’s usually the mother of the nursing mother that is to come;but where she is not alive,the nursing mother can choose who she believes can do that job smoothly when they come..
Alternatively the mother of the Husband can come too..
But whereby the mother of the nursing mother is alive;she is to come first and help,then when she goes back from Omugwo,the mother of the husband can then come for few weeks to see her grand kid..
For families that are financially buoyant;they can get someone to be cleaning,bathing and all,while the mother that came for Omugwo will simply relax and be gisting while resting as well..
In General;Omugwo is a period to help the new nursing mother as Child birth isn’t easy;especially for someone who went to a Caesarian section too;as she needs enough rest that first few weeks..
So if you as a husband knows that your own mother or her own mother will come and stress the new nursing mother with pounded yam and cooking various soup;kindly decline them coming that first two months after birth;and use a neutral person or a nurse..
@MARTINS
*Through
Delete@MARTINS
God bless you for this comment
DeleteMartins “Omugwo” is an IGBO culture. In Yorubaland it’s more nuanced than that & since the man “owns” the child, anyone available or decided can stay after the naming ceremony to help the nursing mom. Igbo culture is not the only one in Nigeria where 200 groups have nuances in how they do things. Let’s be mindful of that.
DeleteMartin, God bless u for this writeup, u see yoruba mother inlaw will frustrate wife till she speak up,some of them come to eat as per nah my son money mentality, some will pretend nd carry baby when their son is around,buh if the son go out,nah them go 1st eat as early as 7am,while the nursing mother is busy cleaning the house.this is my story ,if I born again,I won't allow her to come for omugo,I will rather go stay in my father's house for 2month nd come back.
ReplyDeleteI can relate. My MIL send me message sotey I almost passed out...."go get this, go do that, no, that is not what I want". I walked up and down the house so much in a day that my legs couldn't carry me, they felt like they belonged to someone else. Na to baff baby, that's all. You will set out everything and she will bath the baby, dress the baby, work for the day is done. If na my mama, I fit say I no go go and we will laugh. I told my husband that I can't do it anymore and he told her that she was causing more stress than helping. That helped reduce the requests. The stress isn't worth it abeg. I had CS so I guess the good part is that all that helped me heal faster. My doctor told me not to be a couch potato if I wanted to heal fast but I was so sleep deprived, I was averaging 2 hours sleep a day because it's when the baby sleeps that l start doing the chores I couldn't do while the baby was awake/crying/feeding.
DeleteIf your MIL has a cook, help, driver, etc. you better have helps lined up before she arrives else you will be turned into all those roles. To her credit, she helped arrange for helps for me after she left.
My mum in law was none of this though, she helped as much as she could, and was even angry on occasions I gave my daughter a bath before going to work, she says it's her duty buy I was only trying to reduce the stress on her as per a 75 year old woman, overall I had it good with both my mum and mum in law, plus I had a live in help too.
DeleteAnd yes, I'd rather not have anyone come stress my life in the name of omugwo, so yes to your last sentence.
Anon 14:40 bad character exists in every ethnicity. A wicked person is wicked. I’m Yoruba & my MIL was a very kind gentle woman. I intend to be a very kind MIL. I say it again that the word “Omugwo” is not in the Yoruba culture. It is whoever, whichever mom or relative is available that is delegated to help a new mom. At my age I should know.
DeleteThe Nigerian blogosphere is now generic as far as different cultures are concerned with many talking like “bride price”, wine carrying, omugwo etc are cross cultural. They are not. “Idana” in Yoruba is very different from Bride price/wine carrying in Igboland as my Igbo friends explained it. The wine carrying ceremony is different. My husband/his family did not pay money on me but during our traditional (idana), they brought me a suitcase of clothes, brought gifts and a Bible. That’s different from dropping N5m or N1m plus gifts or whatever amount. Same thing I heard about omugwo, that when the mom is leaving you must give her money & buy stuff. I would do it anyway not compulsory but it’s not in Yoruba culture to “be paid” after caring for your grandchildren. I didn’t give any dime to my MIL as she was just excited to do it. Even back then she & her hubby had S class & drivers, gardeners & maids. She and many moms in my culture will feel insulted to be given money for caring for their grandchildren when it’s not a daycare. You can buy them thank you gifts anytime before or after but in Yoruba culture we don’t link it to caring for your grandchildren. Our culture is less mercantile unless it’s changed recently.
Cultures are different though they evolve and we need to stop this cultural dominance, imposition & appropriation! I am clarifying for the sake of Gen Z Yorubas unless the poor economy has altered Yoruba culture. There are cultural differences among ethnic groups. Even my Igbo friends joke as to how much my parents would have collected if I was Igbo & the different rates based on education, looks etc we joke about these. My friend says the elders would have been using side eyes to count how many females are in each household to calculate the revenue they will collect. Maybe because naijas in diaspora are more united than in Naija. Nobody paid for me, in fact I wish my parents had opened a ledger & collected millions from in-laws (as they turned out to be) as they had many daughters😀 Same with Okpara and Dawodu. Yoruba culture has more liberal females who dare call themselves olori ebi or head of household. This used to be anathema in olden Yoruba society. In Igboland no female dares to do that. I’m a woman but I like that because men are less petty than women!
Talking from experience; it should be someone you are comfortable around , someone u can be vulnerable with & someone who has ur best interests… not necessarily mom / mom in law… I was treated badly by my mom in law ; but I never said a word; cos I knew it’s temporary…now I’m in the abroad & pregnant; she wants to come so badly, but I’m better off without her..
ReplyDeleteChai and you really need her assistance in the abroad badly.
DeleteWhy not consider forgiving her?
Pleeaassseeee!
she fit come come cause more wahala
DeleteIt's better for the poster to hire help that will come in to clean or someone that can care for the baby few hours a day. It will cost a lot but nothing beats peace of mind.
DeleteAbeg let her dey her dey, don't bring her if she's going to cause more harm than good. It will be very stressful but you'll pull through hopefully.
DeleteShe shouldn't come
DeleteLook for someone prayerfully who will come help you over there
I don’t think I’d allow my mom live with me but you see my mother inlaw,chai that woman,I’ll live with her forever.shes the one that did omugwo and my wife and I had the best time of our life that period.
ReplyDeleteOmugwo in ìgbo land is best for the woman's mother to come and tend to her daughter and the new born.
ReplyDeleteWhen I had my first,we were living with my husband's parents. MIL was already giving me negative vibes cos I put to bed via CS. I told my mom to come over cos I really needed her. My husband's people quarrelled over that.
Mom didn't stay long cos of work and left after 2weeks,I cried. MIL didn't even help me much. Some days she made food for others and left me out. Imagine breastfeeding and mama of the house fried plantain for others,didn't even leave for me. I ate noodles. When I recoiled to my shell,FIL sugarcoated it and termed it that "I should not expect to be petted..". That period was something I don't want to recollect. Glad I had my second with my mom and no regrets ever. My mom is the best💕
My mum doesn't go for Omugwo. She will rather arrange our close relative or allow thier mother in-law do the Omugwo.
ReplyDeleteOmugwo is very important as the woman who just had a baby needs rest for her body to recuperate.
ReplyDeleteWho comes depends on culture. For Yorubas, the man's mother is expected to come for it while igbo and niger delta it is the woman's mother.
Problem tends to arise more in inter tribal marriage (Yoruba man and woman from tribes where her mother is supposed to come).
In instances like this, it depend on the understanding of 5he couple to navigate this.
I have a friend whose mon-in law is very old and could barely do anything while her own mom was young and agile. She is ibo and husband is Yoruba. They both agreed her mom will come but after delivery, her mom was with her already and helping her when her old mother in law was shipped in by her hubby's sister. Her husband did not stand up for her, her mom was told to leave by sis in law and her night mare started. Mama does absolutely nothing for her and will order the woman who just delivered to pound yam for her as breakfast..she saw hell.
Men, pls to help your wives, you know your mother and the relationship between her and your wife, 8f it is not too good, don't impose her on your wife. She needs someone she can be very free with and can help her.
Order her to pound yam for breakfast? Hope she didn't do it? This is pure and absolute wickedness,and what right does the sister in-law have by chasing your friend's mother?
DeleteMy sister is married to a Yoruba and they did not drag omugwo with my mum.They probably don't like your friend.
Sister in law has no boundaries
DeleteGod bless you disco dancer.
DeleteMe & mom did omugwor for my sister that first married.
ReplyDeleteI she has done omugwor 3times, hopefully mine will be the next omugwor she will do IJN
Amen
DeleteAmen
DeleteAmen
DeleteAmen
DeleteOmugwo is 100% necessary, infact omugwo start weeks before due date for delivery and yes is for the woman's mother unless she is not available or fit again , that first 3weeks after birth requires help as the nursing mother is not fit yet to carry on all by herself. In igboland is competition among women who visit their daughter for omugwo to show off the gift they were gifted after they return back,. In igboland that's your reward for giving birth to a female child and thus that's the reason why birthing more female child to gather gift when they in turn delivered their own babies.
ReplyDeleteThese are the traditions that should be kept. I think omugwu is such a sacred act of support and love when done right. Having mom to not only help with the newborn but to cook some body strengthening meals for everyone. They help with the bigger kids in the home too and if the birthing mother had to get a c-section or had vaginal tears having that help for baths is priceless. It gives the mother and daughter an opportunity to bond in a different way. Keep this tradition alive!
ReplyDeleteVery wholesome tradition,with good omugwo,you overcome postnatal depression. 👍👍
DeleteYes blog. You don’t hear about all this post partum depression because the ancestors put things in place to surround new mothers with love and support at a critical time. These traditions are the richness of Africa.
DeleteTo give birth is not child's play.The new mum need a lot of rest in order to get enough rest that help her heal fast. Whether CS or natural means. During this period,a woman need all the help and assistance she can get...Anybody that cannot help her should not come.
ReplyDeleteChichi-loving
A woman's mother is the best candidate for omugwo
ReplyDeleteI think omugwo should be done by the mother that is fit to do the work and who the wife is very comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteYoruba style of omugwo i don't like it, thank God I was healthy when I gave birth I for see weeen, mother inlaw made it clear to me that she is diabetic so she no fit dey wash my cloth and baby cloth from day one I gave birth na me dey wash am, na me dey carry my pikin from morning till night, her own is just to bath the baby and dump her for me.....And this wicked woman would still be jealous my mother was helping me in certain areas were she couldn't, next time I will make sure it is my mum who steps in for me or I get someone else not my mother in law again.Never!
ReplyDeleteI like the Igbo culture where it is usually the wife's mother that comes for Omugwo in Yoruba Omugwo is called Olojojo where it's usually the husband's mother that comes and in most cases the marriage don't usually be the same once the husband's mother comes , coz they tend to see their son's wife as someone who wants to snatch their sons from them.
ReplyDeleteWhich Yoruba?? It's not compulsory for anyone,it's the available mother. But in most cases it's the wife's mother that comes in Yoruba land
DeleteMany are generalizing based on their specific situation, MIL or mom! My MIL was very nice. It’s any mom that’s available and willing that should care for a new mom, including extended family. To the person with the diabetic MIL, she could not have done much, maybe she shouldn’t have come to you as if she had a choice. Pregnancy, child birth are not sicknesses, I know young Millennials and GenZs with their “push gift” mentality act like they are the first to give birth in history but it’s been happening since Eve. Talking as a career mom of multiples and singlet who are now grown up. Been there, done that. Diabetes is a sickness, normal pregnancy and child birth is not.
DeleteSome younger ladies need to remember they will be MILs of both genders some day. I’m not justifying unhelpful or wicked MILs just asking folks to always put themselves in the other person’s shoes.
When I had my first my mother stayed for two weeks, second child same thing she will be complaining of how she left her house, her chicken this is what she will be singing in my ears. But u see this one I will invite my sister in-law but I will still give send her omugwo things to her.
ReplyDeleteI think I remember your story from some time back. Was it your mom who came long after the baby was born because she had to deal with her chickens, she kept putting it off? Awwwww bless her anyway, at least she is still trying to be independent and not depend on anyone.
DeleteThe husbands have to be useful and allow the woman rest after carrying pregnant labour for so long
ReplyDeleteOmugwo her mother or her sister/friend/aunty she is comfortable with