Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Hilarious 'Sapa' Moment Stories

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Tuesday, October 10, 2023

Hilarious 'Sapa' Moment Stories

These are so funny that you wont stop alughing!


 -Hunger is a terrible thing.. May we never be in need to the extent of begging from our enemies.
2017 when I got married, things were so rough at the time that feeding was an issue.
Hubby will trek to and from work and at the end of the day come back empty and say it's well today oo.
None of us had a decent job
We had Garri, palm oil and ofor (thickner for soup)
That was how I made soup with palm oil and ofor, and we used it to swallow the Garri for 3 days. Some days my friend bring indomie and rice and Garri for us.
Once I started crying and told hubby I want to go back to my mother's house that this wasn't the life he promised me... He just held me and told me we would feed nations... 
The rest is history today...
I never answer Otedola but I'm grateful to God for how far He's been brought us.


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-  I cooked owo soup on a steady, my oil, Garri and crayfish were remaining so I always made the soup, every morning I just add water to it and be living la Vida loca.

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-  I know a guy that had nothing but semo at home. He put pot of water on fire, put the semo on fire, made it watery af, added palm oil, Maggi, pepper. Those were all he had. When the 'soup' was done, guess what he used to eat it...Yeah, werey used semo to eat semo soup 

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: I went to this wedding in next street got there and collected food went home to change clothes, and i repeated this like 3 times.


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- @thealabipeter: My friend spotted leaf in one place, he was so sure about it, Na so we follow am cut leaf go mix with egusi make big bowl of eba for house. Which leaf we ate we didn't know, nobody cared cos hunger don nearly comot our eye finish. Toilet full that night sha


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-Ol boy i drank well water for two weeks, my skin come dey fresh, my hair grew thicker and dark...chei.... People just dey say you're looking fresh but slimer...i say na exam stress.
Another one, my cousin worked in bakery so he brings home flour... Ol boy one time before he came back ...i go do flour like amala take chop water leaf, use it to do pudding.


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- Hmmm, "Sapa moment" in school.... E plenty sha.... But i remember cooking small tin tomatoes sized cup of "ogbono" then, no leaf, no meat, just one head of fried fish i struggled to buy for 50naira then. I tore n shredded the head of fried fish all over the soup so it gains weight(thickness), hmmmm, i ate that soup for over 2weeks.... Warmed it till it stopped to draw, n started tasting like banga soup wey them sprinkle Lot's wife inside..... 
But Baba God is Faithful now. 


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: I walked from my hostel to town like 30Mins just to withdraw my last 500, when i got to the Atm machine and checked my balance, the bank already deducted 70naira from it. I couldn’t even cry that day.


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-: I know a guy that cooked beans and deliberately put plenty of water, seived the water out after the beans was done to use it as soup to eat swallow


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- Mine was when I didn't have any food in the house except beans and Garri. And no money to buy more except my transportfare back home.
That's how I prepared beans o pepper and onions is usually a key ingredient for Us as its readily available and cheap. I sha made delicious fried beans and soaked garri with it.
Breakfast beans n garri, lunch beans and Garri, dinner beans and Garri.
Well I had constipation at night ehn vomiting and stooling and I was preparing for exam. I was home alone thank God say beans n garri nor kill me.
Till date I don't take soaked garri once it's past 4pm.


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-We were little. Things were tough.
We would drink garri in the morning, wait till around 4, then I would go to nearby bushes to look for snails and cassava leaves, the red one. I'll beat it until it becomes paste. I'll sneak into people's farms to pluck pepper whether green or ripe. I will go to abbatoir before Agege to pick cow fat that's been disposed into the canal, if you know, you'll understand. Back home, I will put these concoctions into a situable meal. We had our black soup and lots of fatty meats. Is it any wonder I'm dealing with high blood pressure now? Those fats of long ago has blocked a lot of my arteries. A lot of people still wonder how we survived those days.


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- It was in school o
Whoever first thought of garri is a life saver and deserves an award
I was broke and I could not ask my guys because I've never really had good friends.
My uncle finally gave me 2k, I thanked and trekked to school gate, bought 2 paints of garri, granulated sugar and i small bottle of groundnut. I managed that garri for over a month and the same guys even came to scoop from it. I got water from school tap and it's only by grace that i didn't fall sick.


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- My own plenty oo, me wey my papa go give me 500 naira for the whole week, no provisions (I was staying in the hostel) and I was not the longer throat type that goes to my friends rooms to eat, zobo and buns and garri were my life savers that year.
Sometimes when I want to spoil myself and one mind want to start telling me "it's too much oo", I'll just shooosh it and remind myself of the tough times I've been through, so I spoil myself whenever I can afford it. Na one life we get abeg.


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- Thank God we are not where we were.
I was so broke n sad, so I just get dress walked towards the gate, got to the bus stop without destination, a taxi stopped in my front, asking where I was heading, I told him Hollywood California, the poor man was asking for direction, I was livid with anger, I asked if Peugeot 504 can fly
He took off ranting all sorts of abuses.
About 30 minutes later, a 505 stopped and asked me to give me a ride, na so I use style enter o. Back then naija was a sane society.
We ended up in Okun Ajido around Badagry. It was an experience I cherished till date.
From that day Halit was my go to till he left Nigeria about 15 years later.
He couldn't marry a naija girl, cos I won't be accepted in India.
I was so heartbroken. I wonder where Halit is?


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- My 200l.. Things were bad at home.. I was yet to be called by the ushering agency I use to work for. I am the class rep of my dept. I had just 50 naira that day.. . Didn't know when I was gon have any dime again.. Cos dad said he had nothing. So I started from the front of my class, asked the first student to gimme 50naira to add with the 50naira I had and call the lecturer we were waiting for. She did. I stood there... An idea came into my head... I put one of the 50naira notes inside my bag and asked another person... That was how I went round the big class asking... I got 50naira each from over 85 students out of more 130 students... some gave me more than that to buy the airtime... I won't lie... I had enough to feed me for like two weeks and had more left for transport to school and also airtime.


- Mine is so embarrassing to share but I think the one that broke me was me starving for two good days only water. My roommates thought I was sick because I slept all through. The night of the second day I went outside and cried every liquid in me, i had to summon courage to call my former roommate then Amaka Ebisike she shared her food stuff into half and gave me. She was actually shocked and scolded me for not talking meanwhile I hate bothering people including my mum. I barely ask because I know she may not have and I hate to add to her stress.
So many other stuffs I can't even share. When I finally get this degree eh. E go loud!!

- Life is a journey aswear
I had so many uncountable Sapa while growing up
Mom being a single mother left me in my grandparents care in the village to work in the city
My grandparents were old so were not working but depend on my uncles for money and food stuff which comes highest twice in a year so it happened that a time there was no food at all except red oil
As little as I was at 10yrs being so hungry I had to enter bush to get pluck unripe paw paw cut it into small pcs and used the red oil and salt to cook it as porridge for me and my grandma to eat 
Later I relocated to stay with my mom when she got married and the husband told her not to work it was from frying pan to fire 
My mom being pregnant and we have to wait for the husband to come back from market before we can cook, and the days he didn't have customers especially rainy seasons we drink garri with salt in the cold weather and go to bed fast forward to when my second step sister was born my mom had to go stay with the husband mother in the village to be able to feed the kids
AT 14yrs I will go to building sites to do small work for them get paid to buy food for my little step sisters and pay my school fees
Abeg the Sapa stories is so uncountable that I can't tell all but I Thank God for today.


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- Was supposed to be prepping for my 2nd M.B.B.S .... people had travelled for a holiday but I didn't even have tfare. Was basically alone in the hostel.
Trekked to church that morning...trekked back.... didn't know what to eat....turned it into fasting and prayer..slept.
I guess my prayer worked Sha cuz Chibundu Mbamalu left her family house in town to come to the hostel to hand me a Ghana must go containing rice,sweet, potatoes,beans,red oil,spices, onions, groundnut oil and tin tomatoes. I asked her why and she said her spirit told her to come and give it to me. She doesn't know but when she left I cried like a baby.

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-Please you people should leave me alone!
My own plenty but the one that made tears roll down from my eyes was when I collected spoilt garri that my friend wanted to throw away, I prepared anyhow soup and made eba, the smell of that eba choked me so much that I couldn't eat much
Luckily for me another friend came to my lodge and met me at that moment, he then went and bought some food stuffs for me
School days wasn't easy at all.


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Omo! In my year 1 I was feeding on toothpaste! I was way too broke! I had nothing so with each turn I felt in my stomach I will just lick toothpaste and give my taste buds some hope! It was that baaad!! Well I'm really glad I don't look like what I have been through, I am not there yet but whenever I remember those days I shaa know I'm better.


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You guys are even fortunate, my own sapa wasn't a moment o, it was almost throughout my years at school. I slept in classroom because hostel wasn't affordable , bathed on rooftop no matter how cold it was, as early as 5am, before other students came. Drinking garri and 10naira biscuit was a constant breakfast, I would break the biscuit in the garri. Luckily it was me and a couple other guys that was living in classrooms, so we encouraged each other. One time I went to steal ugwu from the school farm, which was very large. I cooked the ugwu with palm oil, powder pepper 10naira , salt and maggi, that's all, no meat no crayfish. At the end I graduated , not with the grades I would have loved to have, that was the work of an evil lecturer, but I graduated with the highest grades in my class. I was awarded 10,000 naira as the best graduating student of my class, yet but never got the cash, Nigerian system as usual, some people ate the money, I was frustrated, they kept telling me to come back for the cash, till I went for NYSC. All I have is my name written on the convocation book, as the best graduating student, and the cash awarded to me is stated there, but I never got it. E pain me then o, but God dey.

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 Attended a wedding inside afijio local govt oyo ( mo gbo mo branch meaning I wasn't invited ) it was during examination period oo & food don finish, no transport to go home
That faithful Saturday as I dey see the wedding parole say the wedding go make sense naso me & few ladies in my hostel quickly dress up and pack ourself for front seat at the reception luckily for us the mc con choose two of us as usher to assist him direct the guest of honor to the high table naso God butter our bread with enough food and take aways plus plenty party gifts
Omo I dey warm the jolof rice for two day just to manage write the exam oo.


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 Mine was so bad o.
Had no transportation for about 2 weeks and I was trekking to school everyday and this is about 3hours walk.
I kept walking and crying on daily basis.
There was a time I had no foodstuff all I had was garri and palmoil so I had to make Eba and pour palmoil inside water and boiled it I added salt and ate like that.
Another time I had no transport and money for matriculation and our main campus was Benin Republic
I had to stand inside the bus all the way from Osun state to Cotonu, when we got to the campus everyone had a place to slee, I slept outside under a wooden table and it rained heavily that night.
I kept crying and asking God for help cos I was scared and all alone.
I had no food to eat all through on the 3rd day my aunt's daughter at badagry came down and gave me concoction rice and 500 naira( they were managing too) I trekked some distance and i managed myself till i got to Lagos and from there God came through.
It was hell while I was in school, a lot of female did prostitution but I was too much in love with God and also scared of the unknown and home training also did a lot on me.

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 Im a Muslim but once I'm broke, would go meet my christian friends one by one and ask what they offer "First timer" in their churches, would go for the church with the best "First timer" package..if I still never get money, would go to another church the next Sunday.


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 This I'm about to write has been a secret.
It's garri mixed with palm oil and sugar, then soaked another garri in water and ate like I was eating garri and beans, it was not funny at all o. I schooled close to home, but things happened o, funny how it happened because me sef no know. All I know is that I and my house mates(I was in 200 and they 500l) finished my foodstuff and I can't go home to tell my parents it has finished because it was so fast, too fast. That day, I almost swore for those people o, because when my food stuff finished, everyone dey dia dey. It a long story.


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 I remember in year one, I and my roommate were so broke that even 10naira we didn't have. But I had some foodstuffs.
That was how my roommate suggested we cooked egusi soup since there was grounded melon.
There was no vegetable so I asked her to cook it like that but she said no let's go and ask the neighbors 
We went nah.. fortunately one warri woman living close to us had dried bitterleaf which she gave us.
We went back to the house to cook o and I told this girl to wash it with hot water because it's dried already..she said no don't worry let's cook it like that.
Immediately she finished cooking, I had already made garri cos we were very hungry.
Time to eat, we dipped garri inside soup and then inside our mouths. Wtf???... It was as bitter as agbojedi
Me that I was happy that I'd finally eat that day. Lol.. we ate the garri like that finally


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 I had 1 cup of beans and small semo flour... Naso I cook am with ata gungun and only salt... No oil no maggi... No ororo as beans boil small I pour d semo flour den use turning stick marsh everything... and I was eating it joyfully boom my mum came to visit and she started crying wen she saw wat I was eating


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 All I had was garri and onions.
We kept chewing it from morning until night time.
I soaked the garri with water and cut the onions inside a plate of water, called my 2 other friends sleeping hungry and we ate it together to be alive.

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 Omo I drink Lipton tea with small milk and cabin biscuit for 3 weeks, and in that three weeks I didn't visit the toilet wetin I wan shit kwanu 

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One time in school, i was too hungry, didn't have anything to eat, i remembered had just a small quantity of semovita left in the pack, so i made pap out of it and added salt since i couldn't afford sugar. We don suffer sha.

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 Plenty, even the people I lent a lot of money to when they needed help refused to help,one had the guts to tell me the money in her hand was to go to cyber cafe to chat with her bf,someone I gave 5k just few weeks before, hunger wire me 2days just water, then a knock came to my door she brought rice from mr Biggs,she said she just felt like eating it wit me ,ooo she didn't know she saved a life that night,Ifeoma chikelue may God continue to bless you where ever you are now.

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# Just got married newly then , my wife was still in school and pregnant, me too running post graduate, omo I no fit afford rent again so na squatting levels . financial pressure was much on my lean salary, I was owing the lady that sells foods stuff close to my house... infact I don borrow from those I can and for the better part I didn't want to disturb anybody same as my wife . my sister told me bro calm down some person's experienced worse shit than you did.. in all these my wife Esther Ikuromo Joshua was very understanding and supportive.
At a point due to the pregnancy challenges she couldn't stay in school and I couldn't focus on work or my studies also.
Imagine you dey work, them call you say them don admit your pregnant wife for hospital for school in another state.
Some days, everything go finish remain beans, we go cook am like that chop, some days rice nd beans go finish maybe na small garri remain.. there was a day I saw my pregnant wife drinking ordinary garri... it pained me to my bone marrow...one day the garri sef kuku finish... my sister house was just stone throw, I waka go borrow garri from them...
It was in the evening abi morning when my pregnant wife had a weird craving that she wants to eat toy snail.. we call it ikoso, personally I haven't eaten it before and don't like it but had to go search for them at night with torchligh in a nearby bush pack full
Bucket... na so I go collect fish and egusi for credit, my wife arranged better swallow... we were actually having our last garri... if that one finish no hope...
My mind no sweet as I dey chop the food next thing alert...
Na so I check phone.. my funds wey hang don drop...
Choi...
Rest is history...
Last Sunday we just dedicated our baby boy! BRYAN!
If you persevere there is no storm you can't overcome...
This is for those facing depression too... there was a period I was going to my bank daily to have my funds accessed... you know that kind suffer when you can't have access to your money but you are dying and needs it... infact you dey borrow transport to go bank sef...
For the record I never finish my post graduate oh...
But atleast I no get worries again... any challenge wey come I go surmount am.

Culled from X

28 comments:

  1. Omo this one touch me..I remember school days when exam don almost finish,that period nobody dey get money again.we would use small rice or bad loaf of bread to lure chicken/ducks and goats respectively inside our gated hostel and butcher them then everyone will contribute maggi,who had small rice will bring,oil,pot,pepper etc and we would make this huge feast and everyone would eat..or is it the one we would wear our starched native and go to parties uninvited,contribute maybe N100 and look for one server that looks street and give it to him and he’ll give us everything they have ?chai

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  2. Thank God we don't look like what we have gone through. God is indeed dependable.

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  3. All these stories made me emotional.
    Thank God we don't look like what we went through.
    Thank God we aren't where we used to be. I thank God.

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  4. Me I chop Ewedu eeeh , e grow for my head 不不不不不不

    Mamannukusdkblogceleb

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  5. Kai, I remember things in school but God used people with kind hearts to surround me and didn't allow me to starve

    God please you know them all, Keep being their very present help in times of need, Amen.

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  6. Relatable tales God will help us gaskiya.

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  7. Wow e plenty of.
    Back in school na by force fasting sotey one babe pity us pack foodstuff give us. Add money join sef, she come become automatic school mother for university lol, na my sister she see come notice say she dey hungry

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  8. I'm so emotional right now.

    Mine was when i drank only water for 3days.

    Will wake up, drink water and sleep.On the 3rd day ,Someone just came to ask for my neighbour who was not around,and handed me foodstuffs meant for her(my neighbour).

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  9. Story plenty for my side concerning this sapa tales but God is too good to forsake his children

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  10. Thank God we don't look like what we've been through. Very touching stories.

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  11. That year, we chop remnant tire ooo. My father's friend that was working in a school would come home with food in nylon bag, usually rice. Some times, we will see chewed fish bones and all inside. Wetin we for do. We warm and eat. I give glory to God for his mercies.

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  12. It is well. Thank God we dont look like what we have passed through.

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  13. Thank God for life. It can only get better. We will never know a better yesterday in Jesus Name

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  14. I didn't find them funny. They actually made me sad. People are really suffering.

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    Replies
    1. At all especially little children who go to bed hungry. Imagine a child picking fatty meats from canals to feed other siblings Contributing to his I'll health today

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  15. The students' stories were slightly relatable. But the real question is what business do you have getting married while you are struggling to even feed yourself? Una no dey shame? No be juju be that?!
    THIS IS INSANE!!!

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    Replies
    1. The way men don't reason is terrible

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  16. Kai !!! person don see something for this life shaaa

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  17. hmmmmm I didn' really pass through all of these in school, my Dad could prefer them sleep at home with empty
    Stomachs than allow his children go hungry in school.
    He doesn't mind borrowing money to send to us. The day he told me the daily insults and embarrassment that comes with sending money to us got me teary.
    We just place our demands not minding how he gets the money to send to us, from that day henceforth I deliberately stopped asking him for money except school fees, anything related to school sha, but for my own consumption, like pocket money I stopped asking him for that.
    Even to pay school fees sef na borrow. We had nothing, I was just fortunate ni. My case in school was better than the situation at home, I was only fortunate to eat 2-3 square meal in school but back home we struggle to feed sometimes.
    I pray I make it in life to bless this man for going through all of these just to send me to school.
    Back then we farm a lot but some days weren't really good, there was a time we ate ordinary corn and drank water to sleep. Sometimes we go to the farm to weed grass from morning till evening no food just water or garri, then come back to eact food that isn't enough. I know we ain't there yet but very soon God will open doors of financial breakthrough for us.
    Abi is it my own marital home, abeg stories plenty.
    Some days we eat one particular meal for a whole month, no breakfast just dinner, we just hang around, get busy and wait for evening to prepare our concoticon as usual.
    Above all God is faithful and I thank God for everything

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    Replies
    1. Please don't have more children
      May GOD help you

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    2. Please don't have more children
      May GOD help you

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  18. The stories are so touching and emotional....

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  19. I remember in school then we would gate crash parties just to eat free food, Omo it was not funny then.

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  20. Sad stories. But thanks be to God that causes us to triumph.

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  21. Am happy that at least most of you had quality education, my own be say no roof over my head , no food , no parents some family don't even want to associate with us bcos we might be a burden to them . We are like outcast to them, they don't even want their children to associate with us . I kuku go marry at 14 , matter too long abeg but I thank God for everything say I no die inside suffering.

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