Hmmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
AGE BROUHAHA
Please house what is the best approach to this issue that is giving me concern -
Please house what is the best approach to this issue that is giving me concern -
My guy does not know my real date of birth, when we met in 2020,we were just friends and not a relationship . He had a serious relationship and had showed interest to the family of the lady. I, on the other hand was battling with healing from a terrible relationship.
We become friends but I didn't give him attention since I know he has a relationship and I was mad at guys for what I went through in the hands of my ex. I never told him I was battling with broken heart but was just acting normal while healing.
Fast forward to 2022 we reconnected at that time he was having issues with his girlfriend. I was still not interested in dating cos I had already given up on falling in love again. Little did I know that things will fall apart and I will fall in love again.
We become friends but I didn't give him attention since I know he has a relationship and I was mad at guys for what I went through in the hands of my ex. I never told him I was battling with broken heart but was just acting normal while healing.
Fast forward to 2022 we reconnected at that time he was having issues with his girlfriend. I was still not interested in dating cos I had already given up on falling in love again. Little did I know that things will fall apart and I will fall in love again.
We have been doing online registration, processing dome personal documents, we did passport same time. He saw the date of birth on my national ID, passport. He felt my date of birth was what is on my passport and second birth certificate is my real date of birth.
Now we are serious cos he ended things with his gf since ending of 2022 and around October 2023 we started dating. Now the guy is talking about to see my family for marriage list but he doesn't know my real age and I don't want him to feel bad that I lied with what I'd on my documents.
How should I present this issue to him cos I know that someday my real age issue will come out. I want to come clean in this relationship before it cost me so much. We gist and talk about everything cos we have been friends since 2020.
Now we are serious cos he ended things with his gf since ending of 2022 and around October 2023 we started dating. Now the guy is talking about to see my family for marriage list but he doesn't know my real age and I don't want him to feel bad that I lied with what I'd on my documents.
How should I present this issue to him cos I know that someday my real age issue will come out. I want to come clean in this relationship before it cost me so much. We gist and talk about everything cos we have been friends since 2020.
A part of me is saying I should discuss this with him while another is saying I shouldn't but I want to discuss it with him cos that is the only secret I have that is giving me sleepless nights. Is best I tell him before he collect list so that if he wants to leave now it is better than after we have gone too far.
Please I need your inputs on the best way to fo this and still hold my head high. I am older than him but it doesn't show. I love and respect him even knowing fully well I am older than him.
The mentality of most Naija men concerning age is shocking....If you reveal you are older than him, e may end up not marrying you oh...If you ask me i will say that you should tell if and when necessary and explain that you needed it for a job and was advised to do that and that you were not dating him then and forgot to clarify......Right now make he go collect list and do what he has to do......
Please I need your inputs on the best way to fo this and still hold my head high. I am older than him but it doesn't show. I love and respect him even knowing fully well I am older than him.
The mentality of most Naija men concerning age is shocking....If you reveal you are older than him, e may end up not marrying you oh...If you ask me i will say that you should tell if and when necessary and explain that you needed it for a job and was advised to do that and that you were not dating him then and forgot to clarify......Right now make he go collect list and do what he has to do......
Use style to discuss age related topics and use idea to see and hear his opinion on a man marrying an older wife....
I dont care what name anyone calls me after reading this advice...no tell am anything!
Stella has said it all
ReplyDeletePoster you use style no tell us the age.
ReplyDeleteAre you older or younger than the age in your document? Are you older or younger than the guy? I doubt if age will be a problem with someone that loves you. If I’m you I will tell him now and free my mind from any guilt. I can assure you that it matters not.
Fan Emmanuel
She wrote
DeleteI am older than him but it doesn't show. I love and respect him even knowing fully well I am older than him.
@15:16 Your common sense is the distance between politicians and the truth.
DeleteRead the post and educate yourself. It's clearly stated there in black and white.
Instead of waiting to be fed numbers, READ.
Madam Poster. Tell the truth. Who wants to stay, will stay. Let him who chooses to leave, leave.
Would you like it if a man decieved you with this into marriage.
There is nothing like a clean conscience.
Nothing.
Since you're older than him, it's better you tell him, if you are younger then it wouldn't matter much.
ReplyDeleteIf she was younger, would she be sending this Chronicle???
DeleteTell him your real age. If he decides to stay, fine. If he doesn't, it's ok.
ReplyDeleteSee! If you are a Nigerian man you have the right to raise shoulders gallivant small after reading Stella's advice - Poster should lie to get married by a Nigerian man of all the races and nationalities of men?
ReplyDeleteTomorrow, we go hear tueh here on Nigerian men š.
Poster, tell the truth. If he would stay, he will. But remember that at best, it would be a test of your humbleness throughout the marriage if he stays unwillingly.
The choice is yours to make.
If the guilt will disturb your peace please tell him, I wish i reduce my age self cos i dont look nothing like my age and it is paining me.
ReplyDeleteHmm I won't advise ooo. If he finds out later, he will start being hostileš. Better to let him know now and see how he truly feels. Make sure you tell him how much you love him. I hope the age difference is nor a lot.
ReplyDeletePoster tell him after wedding abeg
ReplyDeleteHe knows you’re older
ReplyDeleteDid you put this relationship in God's gand in the first place,dyd you hear Him say go ahead? We most times make this jind of mistake and when chips are down we remember to jnock on heavens door,may He furgive ts all in Jesus name. Pls tell him and free your mind, if he chickens out,fine,it's never late for God to do wonders in your life only if you can rest on His wings. ....shalom
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine something so simple ppl are willing to lie for. Even to the point of faking documents and living a full blown lie. You were born and you are going to lie about being born. Humans are the strangest creatures in the universe.
DeleteI think you should let him know your real age to free your mind since it's already bothering you.
ReplyDeleteThe earlier you know your stance the better for you.
Goodluck
Stella have said it all.
ReplyDeleteFake ages!
ReplyDeleteFake test results!
Fake qualifications!
Funny how instead of admonishing the lady for faking the details on her birth certificate and other official documents, you have turned this into men and their supposed issue with age. Hmmm!!
I guess when the country have a global reputation for FRAUD, you won't see these things as a big deal. Until it negatively affects you, then you start blaming "village people" - instead of taking full responsibility for your actions.
@Poster...
Be honest with the man. Don't start a marriage on lies - no matter how minuscule some may tell you that it is.
Go and correct your age on all your documentation. Don't be like that chronicle-writer that reduced her age to travel abroad and now cannot retire, even in her 70s, because, on paper, she still hasn't reached retirement-age.
You, ehn. š¤
DeleteLast paragraph
DeleteOr like the woman who IELTS fake result allegedly returned from the Abroad.
Thank you very much. You must be an old BV to remember that chronicle. This should serve as a warning to those currently planning to doctor their age.
DeleteYou did not lie at all!!!
DeleteTell him the truth. Dont listen to stella. Relationships are built on trust. Even if you lie he will find out when you want to have children as you may have fertility issues etc and will need to be open. I am 8 years older than my husband and him and his family have accepted this. Pls dont hide this. Do not be ashamed of your age. Let him know now so he can decide what to do. If he finds out later he will treat you in a disgraceful manner not because of age but because of betrayl. You say your ex treated you badly? Are you any different if you marry a man on false pretences? Pls tell him the truth
ReplyDeleteI am 48 and fell in love with a 42 year old man. His female cousin is vehemently against our relationship and has fed him with all sorts of lies which has drawn us apart. I look 35 tho.
DeleteThe problem is not Nigerian men,. But Nigerian women..
ReplyDeleteMost will never respect or submit to you if they're older..
Same way they never date a guy they feel they're richer or higher than..
Only a few don't mind..
We see them talk about these everything, so we have learnt, so we don't lean the hard wayš
Points well made @Dante
Delete@Dante are you seriously for real? What sort of warped mentality is this? Chukwu ajį»„...kai!!
Delete@07:46
DeleteYou have not read it here from women who say they can't respect a younger man in marriage only because of his age?
Can you outrun your age? Can you unlive your years? What is a man that you cannot firmly stand in your age and declare it. This age you’re afraid of sharing will it affect the relationship quality, will it affect the intensity of your love or affection for him. This age you fear in telling he will learn one day. Starting a marriage on a lie is all shades of wrong. If the president of France can marry his geriatric wife and be content with her and put her proudly on the world stage then how much more you and your fiancĆ© that very few in the world know of. Keanu Reeves, Hugh Jackman and some other notable men are married to older women with long lasting and happy unions.
ReplyDeleteGod is greater than man and if God says lying is an abomination then it is. Do not start a sacred union expecting God’s protection and blessings on a lie, better to have God’s blessings from the onset than to be pleading for His mercies later. And you may not receive that mercy. Do the right thing always and do not let fear run your life!
Poster, say the truth and the truth will set you free.
ReplyDeleteYou better tell him the truth š”
ReplyDeleteYou should have done that immediately you saw that it was getting serious.
What kind of friendship is that, and the marriage will be based on deceit.
Don't start what you can't finish š
To each his own. For me though, I don't see what the big deal is. You aren't an ancestor yet are you? So what's the big issue? Na marry una wan marry. No be military recruitment.
ReplyDeleteThat's said, do I sense a bit of desperation here? Do you think your age will be a deal breaker to him and you think time isn't on your side hence you have hesitation about telling him? Stop beating yourself up over what probably wouldn't be much of an issue.
You say you guys have been friends for a while. I want to believe you should have a clear cut understanding of his level of maturity by now. I mean that's one of the reasons why you are getting married to him right? Maturity in love is still choosing you and loving you for who you are. Age doesn't factor in here.
Nothing ofcourse beats going into marriage with no hidden secrets. If you have to be having sleepless nights, then why not get it off your chest?
It is a full expression of love to let our potential spouses know who we are and for them to love us inspite of our supposed insecurities.
The young man may not even care about the age thing. But your tenderness of conscience is very commendable. I look forward to celebrating the good news of your marriage here soon.
Do keep the house updated. Everything will work out fine!
Pls tell him right now,if he still wants to go ahead with the marriage preparations, fine, if not, my sister let him go.you can not build a foundation on 'sinking sand'.when the storm comes,it will shake the relationship so much and cause it to crumble.
ReplyDeletePls do not keep secrets.you will give room to the devil to ruin your affairs.
Before we got married 20yrs ago, my wife lied to me that she was 2 years younger than me. However after about 3 years of marriage, while processing her transcript for her admission towards a UK masters, her nigerian university sent us a transcript with her real DOB. She initially denied it, that the school made a mistake. She altered the DOB before submitting to UK. After about a month, she then decided to tell me the truth that she is 2.5 years older than me. She also went to the Nigerian university and bribed them to change it.
ReplyDeleteThe grace of God helped me to forgive her but I felt really bad.. I had to join her in living, and presenting the lie to everyone, including our kids, UK immigration, all her subsequent IDs and records.
I love her as my wife, but honestly If she told me her real age 20yrs ago, I would not have married her.
Please teach your sons different mindset.
DeleteSons?
DeleteWhat mindset?
That a lying woman is the best woman?
That a man has no choice about the type or age of woman he should marry?
That the woman owns the world?
My boyfriend of 6 years lied to me about his age. Each time I asked questions (innocently) that involved disclosing age ( e.g how old is your elder brother? At what age did you enter University? How old were you when you first traveled out of Nigeria? ) he would somehow avoid the question.
ReplyDeleteHe deducted 3 years from his age. When I discovered through his documents, he still didn't want to talk about it. He even cried, talked about how he had difficulty getting a job on account of his age, because employers want people below 30 years etc, that is why he changed his age.
Less than 4 weeks after I confronted him, he broke up with me, saying his family does not approve of Bini women, because "dem no dey stay husband house".
I felt so bad, almost betrayed, because how do you lie to me consistently for 6 years and then break up with me !!!
The worst part is when we first met, I lied to him that I was 30 years , even though I was still about 24 years (I was teasing him) When I told him the truth a few hours later, he continued to doubt my age for almost a year. Found my classmates online, did his calculations, asked my elder brother his age, calculated my parents' date of marriage/wedding anniversaries, asked my cousins their age etc.
So if honesty about age was that important to him, why did he continue to carry on with the deceit for 6 years?
Now, one of my friends has indicated that he is interested in me, I like him too and I am ready to accept him, bUt NOW, I am also worried about my age. I am older by nine months. A Delta man cannot marry a woman that is older than him. I am also scared of losing this guy, but I WILL NOT LIE ABOUT MY AGE!!!!! For now, I have avoided the question, but if he asks point-blank, I will answer without deceit.
Please. It is only a man, a man that does not know what his tomorrow will be and doesn’t even have power over life or death in his body. Please face God and do not lie to appease a man. It’s not life or death, salvation or condemnation, it’s just a relationship.
DeleteI'm from Delta state and my wife is older than me with 5 years
Delete@Dante are you seriously for real? What sort of warped mentality is this? Chukwu ajį»„...kai!!
ReplyDeleteIf it never comes up, there is no need bringing it up in my opinion. Everyone lies
ReplyDeleteNo Pretty Tricky, don't get it twisted, everybody DOES NOT lie...Nigerians are very fraudulent people...you lot lie about every damn thing!
DeleteIf a lie is used to get it, a lie will have to constantly be used to keep it. Is this a price you want to pay?
ReplyDeleteThis is what happens when people prioritise marriage over dignity and integrity.
ReplyDeleteTell him. If it ends it ends. You can’t build your foundation with deceit.
Dear poster do not build your relationship on lies. Love is not deceitful
ReplyDeleteTell him the truth and free your mind even though it hurts
My sister, I will advise you to look for a way and tell him your real age. If he still stays, fine. If not, it will only mean that he doesn't love you enough.
ReplyDeleteBecause, if you refuse to tell him and he later finds out in the future, that marriage will no longer be sweet for you, because of the way he will treat you, especially if he is the type with the mentality that "a man should be older than his wife"