SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED
Hello Stella, Good Day.
I recently met a guy and we’ve been talking..he’s been bringing up relationship talk but I’ve been seeing some red flags which I don’t know if they are really red flags or just me being ME
-. He smokes. One day, he sent me a video of him smoking and I was so pissed off because I don’t think a guy should send a lady he “respects” such video but he rather turned the table around and started acting like the victim talking about, “I’m free with you that’s why I did that..you hate me that’s why you’re over reacting..it’s not a big deal”
Another day, he asked me for money to buy smoke but when I got angry, he said he was only joking.
-. He didn’t go to the Universityi and sometimes it shows. I do not communicate in pidgin English but somehow I find myself doing that with him which I do not like. He randomly told me one day while we were talking, “Babe i dey come, I wan go shit” I felt irritated and cautioned him and he got angry saying, “so my shit dey irritate you…you no like me..it’s not a big deal..”
His good side;
-. He’s a funny person
-. He’s generous. I told him severally that I do not send money to men and don’t expect money from anyone I’m dating. This guy would randomly send me money without me asking (it’s palmpay..he didn’t need to ask for my account details)
-. He’s caring
-. He seems like a genuine person even though his lifestyle is completely different from mine
Please should I go on or should I just cut communications.
Hello Stella, Good Day.
I recently met a guy and we’ve been talking..he’s been bringing up relationship talk but I’ve been seeing some red flags which I don’t know if they are really red flags or just me being ME
-. He smokes. One day, he sent me a video of him smoking and I was so pissed off because I don’t think a guy should send a lady he “respects” such video but he rather turned the table around and started acting like the victim talking about, “I’m free with you that’s why I did that..you hate me that’s why you’re over reacting..it’s not a big deal”
Another day, he asked me for money to buy smoke but when I got angry, he said he was only joking.
-. He didn’t go to the Universityi and sometimes it shows. I do not communicate in pidgin English but somehow I find myself doing that with him which I do not like. He randomly told me one day while we were talking, “Babe i dey come, I wan go shit” I felt irritated and cautioned him and he got angry saying, “so my shit dey irritate you…you no like me..it’s not a big deal..”
His good side;
-. He’s a funny person
-. He’s generous. I told him severally that I do not send money to men and don’t expect money from anyone I’m dating. This guy would randomly send me money without me asking (it’s palmpay..he didn’t need to ask for my account details)
-. He’s caring
-. He seems like a genuine person even though his lifestyle is completely different from mine
Please should I go on or should I just cut communications.
Hmmmmm this will not work out at alll... I am sorry to say this but this is a relationship waiting to crash, it wont go far and even if you end up marrying him, the same thing that attracted you to him will cause the breakage.
You dont need to cut off communication with him, just friend zone him please...
Lady wants to be cool around their men but don't want men to be cool around them.whats wrong with smoking ehn ? Smoke responsibly.
ReplyDeleteAh ah. .do you want him to be hiding and smoking or pretending for you ? Una never serious for relationship.aunty break up and love on this one your mind they do you off and on.The man is trying to be vunerabl3 and here you are contemplating yea or no.
When your lungs start malfunctioning in old age, it's the women that you'll expect to carry your burden.
DeleteHow people do not respect their body amazes me
What’s the definition of smoking responsibly biko
DeleteThis is not vulnerability pls. He’s playing mind games with her and knows exactly what he’s doing
DeleteHe’s playing the pity card to make her like her for his own reasons and not for her reasons
K Poster pls go with your gut feeling and drop it while it’s hot
How do people sit in something that doesn't seem right with them and looking for someone to encourage them to stay?
DeleteThis hard country, you still carry wetin dey make u angry join!
I hate anything that brings out the anger in me
You asked what is wrong with smoke like you don't care about health. Not everyone can date someone that smokes. Some of them don't take ordinary smoke,you know what I mean.
DeleteSomeone made a comment that some of them have used 'smoke', alcohol and jumping from one skirt to another to kill their system.
Making it difficult for them to impregnate their wives , and will also put the blame on the wives for not being able to conceive.
Yes, the guy is playing mind games
DeleteMind games galore is what he is playing to tendering you for the suffering to come, the mask wanted to fall, but he struggled to keep it on . Aunty RUN, this creature at best is acquaintance not even friend material , RUN! He wants to make you used to rubbish and gutter standards. Even vultures can be generous, RUN oooo
DeleteI pity you.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you pitying the poster, ma?
DeleteEka I love you so so much.
DeleteShe lost me from he asked her for money to smoke.
If she marries this man she will cry till her 70s.
It's even the manipulation that I hate most,any small thing-you don't like me.If you like don't borrow yourself sense @Poster.I know you will still do the one in your mind sha
DeleteHonestly
DeleteMe sef dey pity her in advance.
DeletePoster run ooooo, you are not compatible.
Me self
DeleteShebi she dey see sign and Wonders now
She still asking question
When Mr Smoker start giving her Uppercult after smoking
Day will now break o
Poster don't be a fool
DeleteCut off completely from this manipulative disaster on 2 legs pretending to be a man PLEASE
It is clear you both are not in the same class and league. But the money (that's the main thing) won't let you see that. Tomorrow, you may travel 10 hours to "go speak English" with another man in your league. When the man acts his class, we go hear "why he acted without your approval" and "sue him".
ReplyDeleteMarrying your class is not pride. It is pragmatism.
Shikena 👏👏.
DeleteThis! Let the man go, poster… you don’t like him for a relationship, no be crime.
DeleteMen get useless mind sha, he didn't go for his type and class. He knows there are women who do not like themselves, have low self esteem and were taught growing up to settle for anything with a penis as man.
DeleteWhy do ladies think anyone that sends them money or buys them gifts cares? Why?
ReplyDeleteRun please. He's a little above tout. He won't change and by the time you're in, it's late and moody times will pass normal times and it's filled with regrets.
Absolutely. Sending money is the least of what u need so don’t base a good man by the money he sends
DeleteWhen I see the money talk as one of 'his positive traits ' I stop reading .
DeleteChoco you killed me with your last line
DeleteThe most complex B
Money is a means of trapping and manipulating you, ladies it doesn't make him a good or kind man
DeleteYou really need a resetting hot slap 🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteIt has not got to this level, please
DeleteWhat's wrong with him saying he wants to take a shit? I'm really curious about this
ReplyDeleteIt’s crass pls
DeleteMaybe because he didn't say it in a polite way. Like " I want to make use of the rest room".
DeleteYour relationship with the guy will not work,it's better you break up with him at this early stage.
ReplyDeleteHow did you meet him?
ReplyDeleteAbeg leave that relationship! Obviously you’re there for the money.
ReplyDeleteReading this was even irritating me , what are you doing with someone who didn’t go to Uni and lacks finesse and proper decorum? Eh
Na WA for dis 2024 chronicles o, seems we have a lot of desperate, lonely ladies o
ReplyDeleteYet dey say men are scum
Lol.
DeleteNa shakara.
Till time comes, men and women will always want each other.
Forget!
This your comment is played out
DeleteWrite something original
Many men are worse than scum, predatory and destructive. Understand internalised misogyny is real, upbringing given to many girls growing up taught low self esteem leading to desperation, settling for unworthy "men"and wrong decisions and becoming pick mes (a lot of grandmothers and mothers were taught to be pick mes/male centered). Loud fools mock and discriminate against unmarried women with derogatory names and smelly attitudes.
DeleteMany men are worse than scum, predatory and destructive. Understand internalised misogyny is real, upbringing given to many girls growing up taught low self esteem leading to desperation, settling for unworthy "men"and wrong decisions and becoming pick mes (a lot of grandmothers and mothers were taught to be pick mes/male centered). Loud fools mock and discriminate against unmarried women with derogatory names and smelly attitudes.
DeletePlease follow Stella's advice. You sound polished. Look out for someone in your class to date and/or marry.
ReplyDeleteThe gap usually brings its challenges into the relationship.
The earlier the better
DeleteThe average Nigerian man is insecure, misogynistic and will try to humble/bring you down to make himself better, get back at you for being ahead of him
DeleteWhat are you doing with someone whose lifestyle is different from yours?you want to drag problem to your life with eyes widely opened. He's probably a junkie who knows how to get ladies in his court, trying to make you feel safe before he attacks.
ReplyDeleteHe's only investing in you for now, you will pay with tears when he start blackmailing you, calculate the money he has sent to you through the means he used
Felicity
Exactly...Poster u see that giving him money to buy smoke? It's a little opening in the surface. God has opened your eyes to see the future & you can't say you were not forewarned. All the money he's giving you now, be recording them down because that's how he will surprise you with his own collection of Palmpay credits slips he's been sending you. Taking from experience dear.
DeleteThat bad breath from smokers, ask yourself if you'll be cool with it with you guys facing each other in bed
ReplyDeleteDon't mind them, Nollywood recently lost someone and when i read the comments. Some of them blamed his sudden death on his careless lifestyle. 'Smoking and drinking '. You know when It becomes excessive or habit.
DeleteLive your life all you care but beware of your health.
Aunty actually love yourself
DeleteIt's not every one that's street. If you can't cope with his street life, part ways now lest you'll regret later
ReplyDeleteI guess the man in question is a Delta state man, very many uncouth, crude and motor garage mentality men.
ReplyDeleteWhat's with the stereotyping ma'am? You don't paint with such a broad brush. It is poor form.
Delete16:25
DeleteBecos he dey speak pidgin?
And Poster is from Mars?
Where did she learn her own small small pidgin, London?
😁
My dear leave this man alone. Please run do not walk. Couples tend to become like each other over time and the things that irritate you today is what you will become if you continue to entertain him and allow yourself to ‘fall in love’. Go find your own levels and be content in that. You and this man may be the same specie but you orbit different realities. There are sufficient women in the world who will love him just as he is. And you can have a man who is already fashioned in the way you desire. Leave fixer upper projects alone!
ReplyDeleteMadam choose carefully the father of your future children even if you don't like yourself, RUN from being unequally yoked
DeletePoster what are you doing with this kind of person.
ReplyDeleteFrom experience guys who smoke are very manipulative. E come be the one wey no go school.
Poster don't stress yourself again, japa
" He is generous, caring , send you money randomly without you asking"..... . Poster.
ReplyDelete" Another day he asked you money to buy smoke, but when you got angry, he told you he was joking '...... poster.
Poster you are criticizing the guy while you too is not perfect. How can you be collecting money from him but couldn't lend him as little as that when he asked???
You don't like to give but you like to collect, does being kind meant for the guy only??
You see why there is no perfect human. The guy is caring and you are not.
What you should know is that there is no perfect human, you find someone you can tolerate his weak points.
He told you that he is free with you because he feels you hate him.
What I see is a guy that is trying to show you love, you didn't reciprocate instead you focus on his mistakes.
That giving her money was just a set up
DeleteHe gave some without her asking so he can feel free to ask her
She will give him way more than she received if his plsn works out
19.39 you know the game. Like Eka said I dey pity the girl too
DeleteThe most complex B
Dear poster, you never see husband oooooo
ReplyDeleteYou better make use of your legs and waka comot for that thing you called relationship.
If you cannot deal please do not start any relationship with him. What does nit sit well with you please never accept it. If you are not comfortable with his smoking attitude allow him to go and be with some girls who will accept him that way.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you doing with a Nigerian man? I thought we have concluded that we should not date Nigerian men anymore.
ReplyDeleteMy sister, before I read the full story, I wanted to say run oooo. But Stella has said it all. It can't work. Don't marry someone that didn't go to school. Your dreams and goals can never align. I'm talking from experience
ReplyDeleteNot that your passion can never be the same if your partner doesn't go to school . The thing is; marry, someone who shares same values with you. Some may be educated but still has conflicting values and dream with yours. Don't you think so?
DeleteWhen I wanted to marry my husband, he told me he didn't go to school. Even though I'm a lawyer, I accepted. Lied to my dad that he went to school. My husband assured me that he would go to school. It's been 6 years and 2 kids later, we are separated because our dreams don't align and his complex issues is out of this world. He has abandoned me and the kids to our fate. I'm working and doing business to make ends meet now and it's still a struggle. Please don't marry him. You would regret it
ReplyDeleteOh dear....sorry sis. That's how some men lie to marry an advantaged woman. God will come through for you.
DeletePoster, received the courage to run and never look back! Smokes, illiterate, crude, manipulative! Too many red flags.
ReplyDeleteTheir complex is destructive and they see women as objects to be exploited
DeleteDon't collect money from him more that once if you don't see a future with him.
ReplyDeleteLeave him because number 1 he’s not in your league , secondly you don’t love him you’re there for the money gold digging things, if you truly love him ee you won’t see all these things
ReplyDeleteHe is a no no, don't dare any relationship with him.
ReplyDeleteDear poster deep down you know he is not the kinda guy you'd want to spend the rest of your life with. Please apply Wisdom oh
ReplyDelete