Hmmmmm......
HUSBAND AND HIS BEST FRIEND
My marriage is a little over 2 years and I'll say we're just there. No serious communication, no connection, just living our lives.
We already have a baby girl that's a year plus and that's who I have made my bestie. My husband has a best friend that he talks to every blessed day. He tells him almost everything. The guy is updated on every newly bought stuff or furniture in our home.
When we bought a new bed, he told him. We bought a new sculpture for decoration, he called him and told him. He gisst him about everything going on in his place of work. He barely tells me anything except I ask.
I have attacked him several times for always keeping info from me and that sometimes, his friend knows what's up before I am aware. He goes to work early in the morning and comes back by earliest, 7pm. Most times, he enters the house speaking on phone with his friend and they talk for hours.
The friend is married too but he works in a different state from his wife so they're apart. Most times, the phone is on speaker so it's either they gossip or talk about meaningless things. I sometimes feel so lonely as I have no one to talk to except my sisters and parents and he will always try to distract me anytime I am on a phone call with my people.
I don't know if I am just over reacting but currently, I'm in the parlour and he's in the room talking to his friend. Is this how married men are with their friends?
Hmmmmm your hubby doesnt want private moments with you and is avoiding you by all means...This is definitely not how married men are with their friends....This isnt good at all,look for a way to scatter thaz friendship cos it is fashioned against your marriage.
My sister, if you continue like this, see you see HBP. Can you kindly get something doing no matter how small. Get a job or open a business if you have the means but, in all means, please don't stay idol.
ReplyDeleteSo many people cannot take what they dish out, give him back what he is giving you. learn to speak on your phone. Maybe with your sister, mother or anyone you feel comfortable speaking with. Immediately he starts talking with his friend on phone, pick your phone, call someone and make sure you laugh out loud. Do it consistently for days and see if he will not stop. Life is not supposed to be endured.
But in all you do, please don't forget the place of prayer. Pray and tell God everything you want in your marriage.
@Zaram, thank you.
DeleteShe can even call imaginary friends. And laugh out loud. Or get friends and family to call her at certain times.
Whatever happens, do you, take your eyes off him and live.
Ignore him and all his doings. He will come round, men don't like being ignored.
And thank God WhatsApp call is cheap, make sure you inform your family you decided to do this with ahead. Welcome him and start your own gist sometimes even before he begans his own. Let's see who go tire, you witness real jealousy from him. Nonsense..
DeleteHas he always been like this?
ReplyDeleteIf yes, there you have it, if No, what triggered him?
First six months after my marriage wasn't fun at all and the only thing on my mind was to walk away.
ReplyDeleteOne day while taking a walk the holy spirit asked me a question, "Have you asked me how to marry him?"
Inviting Jesus into my home was the game changer. The heart of the king belongs to God, so ask God for the formula and stop confronting him. Do your best to pray together with him everyday, even if is short prayer. I cant type everything here but l also delivered him of a friend who sent his family abroad and turned him to a companion.
Jesus did all that for me without a single battle nor did I visit prayer homes...I only learnt how to let God be in charge. All the best dear
Sister, you have not finished your work. This here is a word of encouragement for many people, and you don't have to be a preacher with a pulpit to be sent to people.
DeleteSo pls take time and write how God helped you, so alot of us can learn or correct some of the things we are doing.
Thank you. God bless you.
I love this
DeleteI agree with you.
DeleteI'm a lazy typer but will highlight somethings.
DeleteGod created Us and gave the head 4 sense organs but is the neck that controls it, thinking deep into this gave me my first break through.
The word of the lord says only fools can make heaven, so l learnt to be the gentle one, no matter how angry or hurt I am, l will always welcome him and serve him food first b4 discussing it.
When I have important or strong opinion about something, l tell the holy spirit to go before me and level the mountain before talking to him about it, when issues arise, l ask God for wisdom on how to go about it.
During our morning prayers, I openly pray about our faults and ask God to make us better pple, l became very intentional about praying for us and the outcome is amazing.
When he informs me he will be staying out late, I tell him to enjoy himself and try to be home early because I miss him, then I talk to God to make him uncomfortable wherever he is , if the gathering is not beneficial to us.
The prayers are not violet prayers but gentle communication with my maker, l hope this helps and remain blessed too. (I'm tired of typing)
Wake up by 1am and begin to say this prayers out loud..
ReplyDeleteOh Lord kill anyone trying to take my place in my husband's life..
Destroy anyone trying to destroy my marriage..
Any unfriendly friend in my marriage,die by fire..
Who so ever that is not allowing me enjoy my marriage,die by 🔥..
Who so ever that against my marriage,die by 🔥..
Do this seriously for 7days ..he will run..
Lol Mrs Sharon, this your advice eh...
DeleteKill anyone trying to take anyone's place in her husband life? Da!!! The way you take this marriage thing ehhh. Advice her to sit her husband down and tell him exactly how she feels and how jealous she feels that he is closer to his friend than her. There's power in communication.
DeleteThat's like sending dead to her husband's friend. You're deeply dark honestly. Maybe it has more to do with your upbringing tho. No offence.
Mrs Sharon is a crude/unrefined woman. By their comments, we get to know them.
Delete16:38, no mercy for homosexuals so yes, her advise is in order.
DeleteSince the husband is also an active participant, he should also suffer same fate. We all need o come together and reduce their numbers drastically
Yes oh,I am brutal..lol
DeleteDon't try me or my marriage..
I am very crude,when it's comes to me and my home..
What kind of useless friendship is that..
Poster start this prayers,he will stop on his own,you don't need to even talk to him again..
Don't fight him,act like nothing is happening..
Yea Shooter i think he is homosexual too cuz which Kain dirty steady talk be that one na?? Na wa o!!
DeleteSharon gives the most rugged advice🤣🤣🤣🤣
Leave me o
Homo vibes. That's how pastor Sam and his partner in crime used to vibe.
DeleteSharon's advice is good except the killing part. God doesn't want you to pray for anybody to die. Tell God to cause confusion amongst them. You guys, stop underestimate your earnest prayers. That's how I deal with people that are stressing me. I pray and God takes control. No bad prayers but God should decide how to separate both of them in a way that they can never have any reason to rekindle their friendship .Pray this regularly and one day you will be surprised to see that they are separated.
😃😃😃@ Mrs Sharon. I actually watched a content like this recently. I got the joke!
DeleteIs his name gaybriel sorry I meant gabriel
ReplyDeleteThe man doesn’t have to be homo. to do that. Some men just do not understand what marriage is about. They heard their friends and age grade are getting married and then go “ngwanu! it is time in life for marriage”
DeleteMy husband used to go to his mum everyday from 5pm to 10pm when we first got married. He kept saying oh she is old and I need to be with her. He went there for 10 years consecutively until the woman passed away.
After the funeral, he became bored, no where to go again but I was busy having a family meeting with my siblings every day of the week including when I come back from work.
He complained to me and I told him that we are used to talking to ourselves and besides they kept me company when he was visiting his mum for 10 years as he can appreciate. He never talked again but was always murmuring and subtly upset when I am on my endless calls.
I am not prepared to stop, he has to find a way of keeping himself company, as for me, I will be having family meeting every day until I die.
So give your husband the same energy. That’s all he will understand. No pleading, no quarrel, no reporting to anyone, just match his energy.
Dear Poster, Going by your write-up, both of you are not ready for this marriage thing....Your husband wants to continue with his singlehood while you are just comfortable with the status quo.....How did you meet your husband? What was courtship like with him? Was this friend always the 3rd wheel in the relationship before you got married to him?
ReplyDeleteThis is more than friendship...This sounds like he has found a soulmate in this friend and I won't be surprised if they have blown their backs way before you were in the picture....The koko is your husband's behaviour; why has he incessantly chosen to ignore you and find bliss in his ''friend''.....
While I understand your frustrations, attacking your husband hoping to get the answers you need is not wise at all instead you get to make him become more defensive and pushing him further to the arms of his 'bosom' friend.....
Here are some approaches to take
1. By now, you should know his love languages....Are you connecting with him on them? Is he speaking to yours? How about talking things over like adults over both of favorite meals or snacks...There was spark in you both before you married him...Fan those embers and awaken that love....You can't give up, you are still in the honeymoon stage
2. Do you know anyone your husband deeply respects? This one is very important as this can help to resolve present and future issues.....Can you invite him to mediate in this....
3. Marriage counselling...Did you do this before you got married? If not, it is not too late to speak with a professional counsellor to help you both in resolving your issues....
Inasmuch as your husband should be involved in making this work, please just make the move and give him some time to adjust, unlearn, and relearn.....I pray your marriage receives healing, happiness and joy it deserves, and you both will be back emotionally, physically, and in all aspects....Remember you have a child and you both are her first teachers on living a good life which includes marriage......
All the best....
lol @ Stella's comment
ReplyDeleteBvs should will tell her???
ReplyDeleteOff to buy agaygay bread and zobo.
#Toodles!
Thinking in same direction as you @miss Aboki but I really pray it's not
DeleteMost of you ladies are just shallow minded - men are truthful and honest with themselves unlike you ladies. Male friends can sit everyday over drinks and gist endlessly. It is not everything that is Agaygay. Most of you ladies become disrespectful, boring, unkempt and laid back immediately you get married. Most men will start up or resume past relationships with a girlfriend. But this husband is filling up the vacuum in his life by gisting with his friend now turned brother.
DeleteToodles 😂😂
DeleteThought so too, but they're in different states. Maybe they're very close friends...maybe not.
DeleteMadam, have a thorough heart2heart talk with your husband, the marriage should be 'shacking' him na...
Anonymous don’t mind them. When their husbands takes his attention somewhere and in this case his friend, they start calling him names. Once men show commitment to women whether by having kids, getting married or as simple as just defining relationships, their true colors come out. They care less about the things that made the man attracted to them in the first place but blame him when he loses interest.
DeleteAnon 17:19 you don't know what's up. We know what cordial relationship with means, this story described here is not the cordial friendship that we all know .
Delete@ anonymous 17:19
DeleteWhy won't you say a lot of women here are shallow? It is not your fault.
Assuming the wife doesn't work, but she has a baby to take care of. The man goes to work she is at the beck and call of the baby, plus making meals ready for Oga when he comes back from work. Plus making sure everywhere is clean and smelling nice. Changing the sheets, washing the toilets and bathtub, making sure his clothes are washed and folded, making sure baby is well, eating at intervals, and making sure everything is in place. You think this takes an hour to fix??
If she works her job is double. Because she will go to work and come back to all this especially if she doesn't have a house keeper.
You poster and the the husband of this poster are mean and inconsiderate.
Change your ways.
All the poster wants is a little attention from her husband when he comes back from work from being with his colleagues, but i guess even that is too much to give to his wife the mother of his baby. The little time he has to spend with her before he goes to bed is given to his friend.
You call all that a woman has to do and the desire to spend time with her husband, shallow mindedness. God will judge.
Shebi you have sisters and nieces, no wahala, what goes around, comes around.
@17:19, I'm not done, you said some ladies become boring, laid back, unkempt and disrespectful.
DeleteIt looks to me as though you are a very young man. Disrespect is not exclusive to women. This man in the story has clearly disrespected his wife by not paying her the attention she needs.
Assuming she doesn't have a house keeper you have no idea what it takes to keep a house clean and meals made on time not to talk of caring for a baby. How has he encouraged her? Is it by filling the space or void he thinks is there by constant hang out with friends or calls to his special friend?
What part has he played in building this young marriage? Marriage is work from both ends not from one person. And no, it is not enough for him bringing the money, there are other things to do.
Like talking with his wife and helping with the baby so she can breathe.
Hmmmmm. Are you sure that "bestie" is not the love of his life?
ReplyDeleteSadly so
DeleteExactly my thoughts throughout the reading, check well dear poster and if it's true you can only use midnight prayers to scatter the whole plans
DeleteTry it thank me later 🙄
poster you did not build that friendship from day one with your husband, you gave space for third party to be your husband's bestie. You need to find a way to mend that gap between you and your husband, your husband should be your bestie that you both share everything with each other.
ReplyDeleteif i have gist and i cannot share it with my husband, why are we married self? you have to make your husband your bestie only that way you can close the gap between him and that man. That man will be telling your husband how to treat you, when you people have fight your husband will talk to him and he will tell him what to say and how to react. Go and get your man.
It’s always the woman’s fault, isn’t it?
Delete@Eka, thank you. What if the husband has not adjusted to being married. Some men have a hard time adjusting. Always want to hang out with their gang which is okay by the way. But thete nerds to be a balance.
DeleteMost ladies find it easier to fall into being married and adjust.
This guy though...
Exited, yes, it's actually possible that they didn't build friendship before they tied the knot. Maybe the guy married her within few months of meeting her so they didn't have enough time to get to know themselves properly.
DeleteWhy didn't they just marry each other to spare people's daughters this misery.
ReplyDeleteI tire
DeleteThe third person in your home , the side chick is that friend ,the problem here is there's little you can do about it because people will tell you you're just being paranoid but your concern is very valid. I will advise you talk to him and let him know how this is affecting you, which I even doubt it'll result in something positive but firstly talk with him if that doesn't work, go omo mushin style on the friend, call him and threaten him to leave your husband alone for you,if not you'll mend him spiritually and physically
ReplyDeletePoster
ReplyDeleteI have something for you.
Get on a fast and pray these prayers below
Every unholy alliance, friendship, relationship or conversation in his present and future that will affect our union let it be destroyed. The light of God shines upon every unfruitful work of darkness and exposes it.
Lord give my husband eyes for me and only me.
This prayer is two fold. First you’re going to discover if there’s anything happening between him and ‘his friend’, then you’re going to redirect him desires to you and you alone
But if he’s gay, I don’t know mehn. Let the elders go and talk about that one.
Mma Nwachukwu
My dear, get busy , enroll in school, learn a trade or like Stella would advise, start small business wey go dey keep you occupied. Na you get time to dey worry about situation wey you go handle like a boss.
ReplyDeleteWas he like this before marriage or he changed?
ReplyDeleteFind a way to talk to him about how lonely you feel in your marriage because of lack of communication and togetherness.
This your husband, na wa oo.
ReplyDeleteSee if you want to continue in that marriage, then you have to straighten things out or you keep mum, face front maka HBP.
If not, report him to someone he listens to, other than his friend. Hian
I pray it's not more than just being friends. Just try to talk to him about this and see what his reaction would be. All the best dear
ReplyDeleteI suspect your husband is gay
ReplyDeleteShallow thinking. Everything is Gay to you women. Don't you women have best friends that you gist endlessly with? Are you then lesbians? Pls stop all these stereotypes of men - they are either narcissists or gays - most of you can't thing deep and out of the box.
DeleteAnon 17:23, you know it's not this type of gist he does with his male friend and abandoning the wife. What nonsense are you trying to defend? Aren't you the most shallow like this?
DeleteThis is screaming Gayisssssssssh vibe... BV GOA
ReplyDeletePoster, I know within yourself that you know your husband is GAY... please walk away from that marriage.. I am sure his family is aware
ReplyDeleteBusiness can't take the place of her husband, the poster needs her husband not anything else to keep her busy. Why did she get married if she still has to look somewhere else to get her happiness,?
ReplyDeleteThat friend is your husband’s boyfriend. Too sad
ReplyDelete@ Poster, sorry about the situation. But I suspect this situation didn't just start today, it was there the whole time you were courting, you just thought it will go away once you are married, but unfortunately it didn't. Try the following:
ReplyDelete1. Have a heart-to-heart discussion with him., let him know how you are feeling about the whole situation. Let's see what he says.
2. Are you able to bring his dad or mum into this? If after your conversation with him nothing changes, drag his dad and mum into the matter. He should respect them enough to open up or behave well.
3. Don't rule out the fact that your husband and that his friend might be having an affair or there is something more than meet the eye in their relationship.
4. Are you working? if not, please go and get busy so you can have your own money. See when some man are doing something repeatedly and you are not seeing any sign that it will stop anytime soon or you seeing the impact of your discussion for correction, he practically thinks you are not of any value to him. So, shock him, get a business/an education/ something to keep you busy. Act like you do not send him.
5. Above all my sister, decide to give yourself PEACE! this part is very, very important. If that is the life he has chosen to live, just develop thick skin and face front or you too do what you like!
If I married your husband ehn
ReplyDeleteThe level of paradigm shift my mind would've done would've been elite
By the time he turns back he will meet a total stranger
Will I divorce him No
Will I report him to anybody No.
Will I do all my rights and prepare his meals Sure
But my heart would be cold,it would be deep and it will be dark
For the rest of his life he can't access me
Will I quarrel him over his best friend Never
Will I focus on Mr and my business 1000%
Will I have friends and. A million bestie ...Yes
If I married your husband ehn
ReplyDeleteThe level of paradigm shift my mind would've done would've been elite
By the time he turns back he will meet a total stranger
Will I divorce him No
Will I report him to anybody No.
Will I do all my rights and prepare his meals Sure
But my heart would be cold,it would be deep and it will be dark
For the rest of his life he can't access me
Will I quarrel him over his best friend Never
Will I focus on Mr and my business 1000%
Will I have friends and. A million bestie ...Yes
Are you married??
DeleteObviously not.
DeleteSo your husband's friend is the side chick in your marriage? New marriage that should be sweeting him like sugar....God abeg o.
ReplyDeleteI believe marriage is not only for sexual purposes & giving birth to children. Marriage should also be about companionship. Poster, you can't keep living this way, maybe your husband thinks you're not serious about this so called friend/side chick he involves in your home. Pls involve elders if your complaints are not yielding any results. I am sorry to say this but you're not enjoying the fruits of marriage at all.
See problem o, your husband has a male friend in another state that he gist with about work and things he clearly thinks you are not interested in knowing about him and now you are still blaming him for finding a release from the days stress with someone that understands and is willingly listening to his random nonsense. Funny part, he didn't find that gist buddy with a female o.
ReplyDeleteSee ehn, in this life ehn, fear boring people o
PS
Having productive conversations and gossiping about social media people no be gist o.
well sha, the oga kpatakpata of them all is that you should marry your kind.
Maybe you should dig deeper and snooze in other to know if their friendship is a pure one, or has another meaning.
ReplyDeleteIf their friendship is ordinary, then talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, if there's is more to their friendship, the ball is in your court, you know what to do.
Until we hear from the husband before we can judge because a lot of women are emotionally unintelligent,unnecessary aggressive
ReplyDeletewhich is even obvious when she said attacked him when studying his behaviour having a conversation and finding out the best approach.
Lol you are attacking a being with naturally raging hormones yet you want him to gist with you the irony,study your husband if possible use Chatgpt to understand his personality and how to handle it..
Again dear poster,get very busy with whatever things you are doing, you will not notice all these things sef
ReplyDeleteHe may not have gotten used to the fact that he's married now and needs to bond with his wife.The marriage is just two years old,pls be patient and give it some time.you should also tell him how you feel.
ReplyDeleteDid you date before marriage?How was your communication each other before marriage?Tell him how you feel.
ReplyDeleteSit your husband down and talk to him. If it continues, snoop oo cos something is wrong somewhere.
ReplyDelete@17:45, pls stop with making excuses for a bad behavior. We have young people who are not married on this platform.
ReplyDeleteIf she doesn't know why can't he teach her, talk to her often and before he knows it she has picked up.
They are married oooo, for life. No one should know this Man better than his wife. That's how it should be. If he has a bestie, his wife too should know almost everything if not everything.
Don't let anyone kill your marital joy o. Which kind gossip be that.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the guy gave him go ahead to marry you. Check'am nah.
Ignore him while you pray for that gossip stuff to scatter. You should be his gossip partner not that.guy.
He's your husband's side chick
ReplyDeleteI never hear this kind closeness before o. Wetin Dem dey talk for hours for? It is well
ReplyDelete🤔 From my experience of over 3 decades as a married woman, your husband needs you to build a friendship with him. The wedding day is just the beginining of a marathon journey of marriage. As a woman what are your hobbies and interests? Do you guys have anything in common? I noticed on Nigerian SM a lot of folks put emphasis on the sexual part of relationships. It is actually not the most important part. Thirty years of regular sex has a way of losing its allure no matter your libido. Friendship never dies or goes out of fashion in any relationship. By the time you are both around 60 years, you find out that the sex is not that important. It’s the friendship.
ReplyDeleteFriendship, common interests, alignment on goals etc are more important. Assuming you live 50 years together as a couple, what % of those years are spent on sex? It’s very minute compared to time spent discussing politics, gossiping about Nigerian entertainment, children’s progress, playing board games, hosting friends, talking about mutual acquittances etc. Is he your gist partner, do you take an interest in the topics he discusses with his friends or you want to talk about shoes or clothes only? As a professional woman myself, I know what it is to be interested in topics of concern or interest at my husband’s place of work. I hate sports but become interested in March madness, NFL playoffs, UEFA champions, or any sport he is interested in at any moment. If you don’t know either of us you would think we are in the other person’s profession because we have exchanged stories, knowledge ideas, and talked over the past 34 years. He also knows about wigs, braids, make-up, etc against his wish, lol.
Marriage is work, wedding is about partying while courtship is about finding the person and raw materials needed to do the work and walk of marriage. Be careful with the advice you receive in SM and blogs. If he was gay won’t he find a partner in the same city so they can see each other? Do you honestly think the few times he travels or his friend travels to your base is enough to carry out a secret affair?
If you were my own daughter I will ask you to make an excel spreadsheet of his likes, sports, sports teams, interests, hobbies, concerns, games, TV Shows, favorite politicians, countries etc. See which of them you both can find common grounds on.
Ask about his day everyday and be interested so he looks forward to sharing his day with you. Prayer is good but God will not do what he assigned and equipped us to do. He will do what we cannot do. You got this.✌🏾👍🏾