STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WEDDING PLANNING DISRUPTED BY MUM
Please has this ever happened to anyone or I'm overreacting.
I am planning my wedding for August this year but the way my mom is going about it is so annoying. She's carrying on as if it's her wedding or is it because I'm the last born/ girl and I'm young, 24.
Firstly, she went on to price wedding dress without asking me if I've made arrangements. Mind you, I always carry all of them ( my mom and sisters) along.
I'm so frustrated that my mother made such a personal decision without consulting me, I'm avoiding differences and arguments in days and months leading up to the d-day.
While we were discussing She said that she's spoken with a supplier for the uniforms (aso-ebi) and I was planning on getting something else with gifts too. She's not of my style at all, and she's beginning to feel I'm ungrateful because she's taking burden off me. Other family members have also sided with the mother, just to keep the peace.
She let my two older sisters have their say on their wedding but isn't allowing me to plan mine how I want.
I don't appreciate her efforts and I’m upset about not being included in such personal decision and planning as this and the feeling like my preferences doesn't matter is getting to me.
What do i do?
You sound ungrateful sha....
Why dont you look for a nice way to go about this? cos with this your tone eh, you will definitely fall out with her soon......
OK; Tell her point blank that you will reject whatever she does without asking you first.....Dont blame her.....shes excited that her last born is getting married!!!
It's YOUR wedding. Talk to her.
ReplyDeleteI understand that it's your wedding but your tone carries so much resentment. Doesn't seem like you appreciate your mother at all asides this wedding thing. Take it easy with yourself please!
DeleteBy the way, I think your mum is just too excited that she's taking the whole thing personally.
Don't come back here and tell us that your husband doesn't include you in his decision. You need to be mentally and emotionally fit before getting marriage.
DeleteYou are young and needs such help, and you are complaining.
Those that lost their mums and no-one cares about helping nko?
Pls talk to her and propose going to the market with her one day, in all things be prayerful.
All the bes5
You no get case! Abeg comot for here. We that didn't have mother alive before our wedding day we wish she was here to fuss over me on my wedding day! Ungrateful child everything must go your way. Abeg leave wedding and look forward to married life. You be like who likes quarrel and wahala.
ReplyDeleteJust because you miss your dead mother doesn't mean the poster is ungrateful. Reread the chronicle. The mother is over doing things. Personally I will never let my mother put mouth in my wedding decisions even though I love her. That's her wedding, one of the most important days of her life and she should be free to handle it the way she sees fit. The mother is in the wrong.
DeleteMtsheww
DeletePoster don't mind her, people be projecting
Please tell her how you feel biko
Anon 15:7, na the same brain wey you use write this comment, you dey use cross road? Make motor no jam you one day sha
DeleteBack to sender.
DeleteDon't be offended poster. She's overjoyed. Tell her in a calm manner,that carry you along when making vital decisions concerning the wedding planning.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are about to get married? You are still struggling on how to manage a simple issue like this WITH YOUR MOTHER, how will you deal with real marital issues when you make huge mountains off a mole hill?
DeleteSweetheart, I wish you the very best in your marital journey because you are not nearly mature enough.
Have a conversation with her. Tell her your plans and see how she can assist you. Take it easy on her. I believe she wants the best for you.
ReplyDeleteThat's mother's for you, one day you will understand why she is doing this for you. She is so happy, stay calm and enjoy your pampering
ReplyDeleteI say like that will never come. WTF is wrong with you all acting like parents don't make wrong decisions too. She doesn't want to be pampered. She wants to have a say on her wedding preparations.
DeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel and if I were in your shoes, I will feel the same way as well...I don't see where you are being ungrateful here...It is YOUR wedding at the end of the day...Here is what you need to do....
1. Have a calm, respectful and honest conversation with your mom: Appreciate her for the inputs and help however this is your wedding and you have your own preferences, styles, choice and likes for your big day....
2. Set boundaries lovingly: It is okay to respectfully say no and appreciate her knowledge especially as she did a good job in your elder sisters however you need to assert your role respectfully....
3. You can delegate other things like food, logistics, Aso-ebi e.t.c to her while you take care of your personal stuff like wedding dress, boutique, bridal train....
Finally, you have to allow somethings slide to ensure all hands are on deck...It's your big day and everyone's favourite (baby of the house is getting married)...You don't want to have memories and it will be marred with you having issues with anyone more or less your mom.....
Even if people think you are “too young” or being “ungrateful,” you are allowed to feel disappointed when your voice is not being heard......Stay respectful, but don’t completely silence yourself to “keep the peace.”
Congratulation and wishing you a happy married life.....
The only reasonable comment on this post God bless you SEP
DeleteI second SEP
DeleteThis is your wedding
No be everything be veks. You can tell your mom what you want and how you want it without sounding offensive and uptight.
You have said it all . My beauty with brain 🧠
DeleteI agree with you 16.19. Bless you SEP! Others saying she is ungrateful...wtf??? Are you guys ok? Poster, calmy let momsi know how you feel, sometimes our parents, especially mothers, overdo things, not out of wickedness but joy. She's excited that her baby is getting married, she might not see how it's affecting you until you speak with her.
DeleteThis your marriage ehn
ReplyDeleteGod comfort the husband wey Dey marry you because tufiakwa
Nne gi your own mother
Lekwa your marriage
Go and plan it by yourself
At 24 see how dark your heart is
Ihere mmegbuo gi
Ajo nwa
It’s just mothers heart of not you no deserve anything good
Your children go do you backw
Watch and see
How is her heart dark please?
DeleteIt is her wedding, she should have a say as to what and how she wants it to be.
Why should her mom be the one to choose aso ebi? Why?
It takes one to know one.
DeleteDifferent strokes for different folks. My only concern was my outfits, my lazy ass was unbothered about every other thing. My mum and SIL coordinated my trad and white weddings. I attended like a guest and enjoyed myself very well.
ReplyDelete@ poster, don't get yourself worked up, try and find a middle ground, it's also your mummy's day.
I’m just like you. I prefer if someone else deal with all the running up and down and I simply show up. Then again the poster said she did not like some of her mom’s choices, maybe she is choosing outdated fugly stuff😂
DeleteShould we tell this 24yrs old?
DeleteWedding is stressful. If you want to carry the whole burden, you'll get worn out. Your mother knows that's why she's supporting how she knows. It's left for you to tell her what you want to handle personally without sounding ungrateful. My advice to you is to accept whatever support you get, save your energy for the marriage, you'll need it xx
Truly, you are young and you need your mum more. Have a sit with her and let know what you want. You should be grateful, I'll be getting married soon too(August) amd my parents ain't supportive. Though, I'm 26, so, enjoy your mum's way of rendering help.
ReplyDeleteThe best way to do this is to negotiate. Tell her the key things that you want to be responsible for and make of your own choosing and have no one else decide for you and the things she can decide on. This way everyone is satisfied. It is your wedding and you should have a say. In all likelihood it is the only wedding you will have so you should be fully involved in the planning process and have a say in it. Truthfully, I think mothers should take a backseat in these situations. Be supportive, give suggestions but leave it up to the person getting married to make their own choices.
ReplyDelete💯 thank you.
DeleteShe said she wants something different for aso ebi which is her right.
She also said her style is different from her mum's.
Poster, see what 15:24 wrote, please apply it.
Poster it is your wedding and not hers, rightly so, but she is overjoyed...talk to her, respectfully let her know that you appreciate all that is she doing, but that you need to have an input too,...or maybe she is one of those pushy types? Someone is already saying you are ungrateful, I do not think you are, I think you have a mind of your own and that should be appreciated...otherwise she will take over your home too!
ReplyDeletelast born no dey at all. Dem dey stubborn well well.
ReplyDeletei will advise you allow her plan her thing and fund it while you plan your own and fund it yourself. tell her anything she is planning she will fund it by herself that's the only she will get off your huke
ReplyDeleteYour mom is just overjoyed. Ahhh what I want is what another person is running from. I just want to show up on my wedding day. Someone else can do all the planning. I don't like stress. Dash me your mother lol.
ReplyDeletePoster I think you should take it easy on her and just see a way to keep communication open so you two can decide together. You hear. It's not that serious.
If only you know the wahala that comes with planning a wedding, you'd appreciate what your mum is doing.
ReplyDeleteTalk to her, tell her you appreciate her efforts and tell her to leave some personal stuff for you to handle. Don't be ungrateful. She didn't do all that during your elder sisters probably because they were much older when they got married and as her baby she wants to carry off the load from you.
Calling your mother 'the mother' makes me not to have what to say again
ReplyDeleteIn all this, are you paying for anything? Because if you are, then your fight or annoyance is justified. However, if you aren't then I think, unfortunately, you will come off as I grateful. Almost as if you don't want her say but you want her to fund it. That is weird.
ReplyDeleteHe who plays the piper dictates the tune. Aso-ebi is for family (both nuclear and extended) and friends of family and is majorly picked by the mother while bridal train dresses etc are picked by the wife.
DeleteThe mother erred by picking the wedding dress for the bride.
No the poster is not being ungrateful. No… I completely disagree.. it’s her wedding for crying out loud. She needs to express herself. My mum was like this, and I called off the wedding. Who is getting married? She or her mum?…
ReplyDeleteShe is not wrong. It's her wedding, and she should be the one giving them updates while they lend their supports . Not making plans behind without involving her.
DeleteShe makes her choice,any other plan should be like suggestions or surprise,not forcing her to go against her choice.
Poster your mum may be doing that out of excitement, you can correct her and tell her how you want it.
My ex fiancé’s mom bought a wedding gown for me from her trip abroad without my consent or consultation.
ReplyDeleteShe said she wanted to surprise me 🤣🤣.
She not only surprised me she shocked me out of the engagement. Na so I take off.
I couldn’t even try out the gown as it looked very funny and I wouldn’t be caught dead in it and I almost cried when I heard how much she spent on it.
She had showed me which of their houses we would live in after wedding because it’s close to her, I was still complaining and my fiancé had absolutely no issues with her interference. Small disagreement between us mummy is already calling me to hear my own side of the story.
I raaaann. Nice family but I couldn’t deal.
I would run too.
DeleteYou ran well dear .
DeleteDear Poster, I think she's just excited over the event. But it's your big day, so you have to be happy with the turn-out too. Your mum is like mine though...Lol
ReplyDeleteBut you don't have any issues. Just sit Mummy down & explain these little details to her. That you would want some touches of your own as a bride to be displayed on your day. Shikena.
Happy Married Life dear, God bless your union.
Better tell her how you want it ,mother is overjoyed and maybe she is still looking at you as that baby she gave birth to 24 yrs ago.Nothing spoilt
ReplyDeleteTalk to your mum about it, Just let her understand that you'd appreciate more if you were included in all her plans, and also give her big hug and thank her for everything, This is not a big issue at all.
ReplyDeletePoster just work along with your mum. Don't push her away just enjoy the act while it's last.
ReplyDeleteSee this gen zee. So you don't know your wedding day is your mother's personal day in Africa? Haa! Be calming down. Why do you think people have included mother's night in their wedding event these days? You must find a way to go about these things. Example, pick 3 different styles of wedding gown and tell her and your sisters to choose one for you. Plan with your sisters to choose the one you like. She will have no choice but to go with majority but at the same time she will be happy she was involved.
ReplyDeleteRespectfully have a conversation with her stating your preference. You are not over reacting. You should be carried along. She cannot choose what you will wear (she is not the one wearing it).
ReplyDeleteI will be over joyed if during my wedding my lovely mother will be actively planning my wedding like yours. I don't see any bad thing your mother is doing . Just tell her you want to be carried along. Have good communication with her. There will be no need of this chronicle if you people communicated effectively. One day you will look back and appreciate all your mum is doing now.
ReplyDeleteOne lady in Kano told her mum to stay in Lane when she was planning her wedding, when it hooked, she started calling her mum for help, the woman reminded what she said she quicklly apologise and confessed that it's easy to plan alone.
DeleteWhen her kajad mum stepped in, it was perfecto. Some mothers too sabi sha.
One lady in Kano told her mum to stay in Lane when she was planning her wedding, when it hooked, she started calling her mum for help, the woman reminded what she said she quicklly apologise and confessed that it's easy to plan alone.
DeleteWhen her kajad mum stepped in, it was perfecto. Some mothers too sabi sha.
Real Perfecto. Me we no like sress like dis, come see my sweet mum willing to assist. Omo i go so happy ee.
DeleteAll these comments just dey muzz me. It's her wedding for god's sake and not her naming ceremony as if she's a baby, how will they be planning it without consulting her. Please talk them
ReplyDeleteTell her all you have said to us
ReplyDeleteMothers are usually like that whenever any of their kids are getting married and I personally think it's the excitement that drives their actions.
ReplyDeleteI suggest you just talk to her about how you feel even though she's lessening the burden from you.
What do you mean by she sounds ungrateful Stella. Every woman including you have had ideas and imagination of how their wedding day would be, right from childhood. If she wants her wedding a certain way, then she wants it a certain way! Poster, my advise to you is to tell your mum the areas that she cannot cross and give her some things to handle. If she wants to do asoebi, then fine. But let it be for her own friends and those she will invite. Not the majority of the attendees of the wedding who will rightly come from you and your husband. Make her understand this. That you are not a child but a full grown adult! I hate all this kind of things that add to stress, mschew.
ReplyDeleteYou obviously are of the new generation and your post shows your age and those insinuating that you are not Nearly mature enough for marriage are right.
ReplyDeleteLearn to differentiation between issues and inconveniences. They don't carry the same weight.
Agreed, her choosing your wedding gown is a a No No and you probably should address that. She'll see reason with you. The other things are not that important. It's a wedding. After 3 weeks, ALL will be forgotten.
You no even get problem.
Relax and sort out the necessary things.
As you're complaining, am sure the potential groom is Very Happy for the help.